Crucial Conversations:

When it is not that easy

Chapters 9-12

Decide how to decide

IMPORTANT: Define roadmap to a solution

4 methods of decision-making1. Command (think parent to child)2. Consult (input from many, decision by one)3. Vote (majority rules)4. Consensus (all for one and one for all)

When choosing a method…

• Consider the following– Who cares about the decision?– Who has the expertise to help make the best

decision?– Whose cooperation will you need from the

decision?– How many people is it worth involving?

Good news: You can and should think through this before you start the conversation

1. Commands

• Treat commands like wishes from a bottle (you only get so many)

• Offer up components of flexibility (where can “sub-decisions” be made by others)

• Validate your command (in most cases)

2. Consultation

• Use when – a lot of people will be affected, – you can gather info easily, – people care about the decision,– there are a lot of options

• Remember to report and validate your decision!

3. Vote

• Use when – you know the losers won’t really

care that much– there are a lot of good options to

choose from– everyone can back the final decision

• Do not use when– everyone can’t agree and you get

frustrated

4. Consensus

• Use with extreme caution!• Consensus requires compromise• It is not about taking turns• No post-decision lobbying (decision needs to

be made in the open and as an entire group)• No “I told you so” (everyone needs to back the

decision particularly if it fails)

Make a Gameplan

• Who?

• Is going to do what?

• By when?

• With what follow-up?

• Hold those with commitments accountable

Putting it all together

Dialogue

Silence Violence

Prepare!

• Walk through the conversation in your head before you even think about engaging the other party– Remember: What do you really want from the

conversation? Is that a reasonable goal? What do you NOT want? How will you behave to achieve your goal?

Tough Cases

• Chapter 11 provides several examples• Consider subscribing to the Crucial Conversations

weekly newsletter• Or, search through the newsletter archives for

examples specific to your situation

Tough Cases: some tips

• Consider the “pattern of behavior”– Address the bigger issue, not each individual

excuse– Address the issue quickly

• Calm down…however long that may take you or the other person

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a third party

The Breakdown

• Work on one thing at a time• Reward your successes, learn from your

failures• Practice, practice, practice• Go public• Pass it on!

DON’T EXPECT PERFECTION; JUST MAKE PROGRESS