crucial conversations principles for coaches marvele tycksen
TRANSCRIPT
Crucial Conversations Principles
for Coaches
MarVele Tycksen
Handouts:WorksheetLanguage of a MentorA Protocol to get “Unstuck” (Communicating in Crucial Conversations)
Procedure for collaboration:AssignmentReturn prompt - 5 seconds
Session Objectives
Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
A true coach helps those they mentor, to do more, see more, and become more than they
could become on their own.
So what do you do when your mentee….
…..resists your help?
• …think they know it all…..
• …rationalize their poor performance….
• or……..
When they:
…tell you what you want to hear, and then do their own thing….
Would you like some help?
Think of a teacher that you will consider through the training.
Find a table partner and share it with them.
What is a What is a crucial crucial conversation?conversation?
Opposing Opinions
Strong Emotions
High Stakes
Crucial Conversations have:Ron McMillan
When it Matters Most, We Do the When it Matters Most, We Do the WorstWorst
……or run from themor run from them
…. sugarcoat the conversation
The best, resolve conversations through dialogue
…ramrod them
What conversations are you not holding, or not
holding well?
Style Under Stress SurveyReview your survey, what is your style of response?
Silence or Violence ?
silence
violence
During Crucial Conversations parts of the brain shut down
so, we are left to deal with so, we are left to deal with complex social problems complex social problems with the same set of skills with the same set of skills we would use to deal with a we would use to deal with a ferocious animal. It is our…ferocious animal. It is our…
Reptilian Brain
Think of your teacher ……
How does your style impact your coaching?
Save FaceKeep the peaceWinBe RightLook GoodAvoid Conflict
Values that Kill Dialogue
When the conversation becomes crucial, When the conversation becomes crucial, slow down.slow down.
Stop. Look. ListenStop. Look. Listen..
Lets explore strategies that will help with crucial conversations while we are coaching…
Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
CPR Joseph Grenny, Author
True Story of resistant teacher, part I
Observation 1 data: 37 disruptionsPost Conference
• Contentmultiple disruptions
Observation 2, data: high rates of off task behavior
Post Conference
What is the problem? Does the conversation need to change from Content to Pattern?
• Patternpoor classroom managementnot accepting results
Observation 3 students out of seats, etc.Post Conference
Does the conversation need to change again?
• Relationshiplack the ability?
not value the results of the observations? do not respect your expertise?
Review of CPR:
• Content
• Pattern or Process
• Relationship
If the content level conversation is not gettingresults move to pattern and then relationship.
Think of your teacher ……
Are you holding the right conversation? How do you know?
Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
Start with HeartStart with Heart
““Work on Work on MeMe First, First,
UsUs Second Second””
Ask:Ask:What do you want?What do you want?
True Story of resistant teacher, part II
What do you really want?
Start With heart:LearnFind the TruthProduce ResultsStrengthen Relationships
Review Start with Review Start with HeartHeart
Focus oFocus on n what you what you
reallyreally want? want?
Think of the teacher that you are considering……
What do you really want ?
Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
Learn to LookLearn to Look
During normal conversations we use a third eye
–Two eyes and ears attend to the content of the conversation (the what).
–Another eye watches the conditions of the conversation (the how).
What do you notice about yourself when you are nervous or on the spot?
• Tense shoulders• Heat turned up (flushing, sweating)• Stomach ache• Go Silent• Roll Eyes• Look Down
Look for these behaviors in the teacher.
Remember! When you see these signs, Remember! When you see these signs, slow down.slow down.
Stop. Look. ListenStop. Look. Listen. .
Crucial Conversation Principles• Get Unstuck - CPR• Start with Heart• Learn to Look• Make it Safe• Master My Stories• STATE My Path• Explore Others’ Paths• Move to Action
Work on Me First
Focus with Others
Make it SafeLearn to Look for safety problems
body languagelooking away silence sarcastic remarks walks away intonation in voice
Make it Safe
People who look at safety and content during crucial conversations can get to dialogue about almost anything.
Those who don’t, try to fix what goes wrong in exactly the wrong way.
Story Part III SUU ObservationWent to silence…. Eyes down"My lesson is completely different."
Start with heartLearn to LookMake it Safe
Step out of the conversationApologize and Contrasting Statement:
Review Make it SafeWhat do you do if it becomes unsafe?
• Step out of the conversation• Apologize• Use a Contrasting statement
–Contrasting is a “Don’t/Do” Statement
Think of the teacher that you are considering……
What will you do if you suspect safety is problem?
Story Part IV Copy of emailOn Mon, 04 Oct 2010 10:08:13 -0600
__(teacher )wrote:
"MarVele,I got all 3s on my evaluation with the student principal and the (principal's name) even came in for a few minutes to observe. Thanks for your note and all your help. They said I did a great job and to keep doing what I am doing."
A true coach helps those they mentor, to do more, see more, and
become more than they could become on their own.
Review the principles of Crucial Conversations:
• CPR (content, pattern, relationship)
Start With Heart• Learn to Look• Make It Safe
Our Session Objectives were:
• Assignment :At our next UCN meeting be prepared to return & report on how you used these principles in your coaching interactions?
Use the notes, protocol, and mentor language, pages and practice using the principles.