crafting sentences

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1 Crafting Sentences, Constructing Paragraphs Emphasizing Ideas Within each sentence, emphasize your point by expressing it in the subject and verb. Prefer active verbs over passive verbs. Be Verb: A surge of power was responsible for the destruction of the computer’s CPU. Passive: The computer’s CPU was destroyed by a surge of power. Active: A surge of power destroyed the computer’s CPU. Choose a subject that names the person or thing doing the action. Weak: Exposure to Ms. Tapia’s excellent teaching had the effect of inspiring me to major in English. Emphatic: Ms. Tapia’s excellent teaching inspired me to major in English. Use punctuation for emphasis. Weak: The middle of the road has a white line where it’s the worst place to drive. Emphatic: The middle of the road is where the white line isand that’s the worst place to drive.

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Crafting Sentences, Constructing Paragraphs

Emphasizing Ideas Within each sentence, emphasize your point by expressing it in the subject and verb.

Prefer active verbs over passive verbs. Be Verb: A surge of power was responsible for the destruction of the computer’s CPU.

Passive: The computer’s CPU was destroyed by a surge of power.

Active: A surge of power destroyed the computer’s CPU.

Choose a subject that names the person or thing doing the action. Weak: Exposure to Ms. Tapia’s excellent teaching had the effect of inspiring me to major in English.

Emphatic: Ms. Tapia’s excellent teaching inspired me to major in English.

Use punctuation for emphasis.

Weak: The middle of the road has a white line where it’s the worst place to drive.

Emphatic: The middle of the road is where the white line is—and that’s the worst place to drive.

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Coordinating Equal Ideas

To coordinate single words or phrases, join them with a conjunction or use a semicolon (;) for independent clauses.

and, but, so, for, yet, or, nor

Accompany a semicolon with any of the following conjunctive adverbs or transitional phrases:

however, therefore, moreover for example, in other words, as a matter of fact

Example:

Weak: Grandmother lost her sight. Her hearing sharpened.

Better: Grandmother lost her sight, but her hearing sharpened. Grandmother lost her sight; however, her hearing

sharpened.

Example:

Choppy: The nipa huts vary in height. They measure from 10 to 15 square feet. They contain no modern conveniences.

Improved: The nipa huts, which vary in height and measure from 10 to 15 square feet, contain no modern conveniences.

Subordinating Minor Ideas To give unequal emphasis, express the major idea in an independent clause and place the minor idea in a subordinate clause beginning with any of the following words:

after, although, as, as if, because, before, even though, if, since, so that, that, unless, until, when, where, which, while, who, whom, whose

Example:

Weak: Grandmother lost her sight. Her hearing sharpened.

Better: As she lost her sight, Grandmother’s hearing sharpened. Though her hearing sharpened, Grandmother gradually

lost her sight.

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Balancing Parallel Ideas

Single words should be balanced with single words, phrases with phrases, clauses with clauses. Put correlative conjunctions and comparisons in pairs.

either…or, neither…nor, not only…but also, both…and, whether…or, than…as

Make pronouns and antecedents agree. Eliminate distracting shifts in person, number, tense, mood, and voice. Example: Weak: Theft, vandalism, and test cheaters can result in suspension or even being expelled from school.

Better: Theft, vandalism, and cheating can result in suspension or expulsion from school.

Example:

Weak: Mang Gusting is responsible for stocking merchandise, all store repairs, writing orders for delivery, and sales of

computers.

Improved: Mang Gusting is responsible for stocking merchandise, repairing items in the store, writing orders for delivery,

and selling computers.

Example: Weak: The basketball uniforms were not only too long but were wide too.

Parallel: The basketball uniforms were not only too long but also too wide.

Example:

Weak: It is better to give than receive. It is easier speaking in abstractions than to ground one’s thoughts in reality.

Parallel: It is better to give than to receive. It is easier speaking in abstractions than grounding one’s thoughts in

reality. It is easier to speak in abstractions than to ground

one’s thoughts in reality.

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Example:

Incorrect: When someone has been drinking, they are likely to drive fast.

Correct: When someone has been drinking, he or she is likely to drive

fast.

When drivers have been drinking, they are likely to drive

fast.

When one has been drinking, one is likely to drive fast.

Example:

Incorrect: Students who are joining the field trip must bring in a permission slip signed by his or her parents.

Correct: Students who are joining the field trip must bring in a

permission slip signed by their parents.

A student who is joining the field trip must bring in a

permission slip signed by his or her parents.

Example: Incorrect: Either Jose or Maria is moving to the city, where they are going to attend college.

Correct: Either Jose or Maria is moving to the city, where she is

going to attend college.

Jose and Maria are moving to the city, where they are going

to attend college.

Example: Incorrect: The contest winners, Pedro and me, were unable to attend the awards ceremony.

Correct: The contest winners, Pedro and I, were unable to attend the awards ceremony.

Example: Incorrect: The guidance counselor gave my girlfriend and I some good tips on courtship and marriage.

Correct: The guidance counselor gave my girlfriend and me some good tips on courtship and marriage.

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Incorrect: Her husband is 15 years older than her.

Correct: Her husband is 15 years older than she.

Example: Incorrect: Them, my neighbors, were puzzled by the dedication of we, skaters.

Correct: They, my neighbors, were puzzled by the dedication of us, skaters.

Incorrect: Because of his failing grades, we are fed up with him drinking and smoking.

Correct: Because of his failing grades, we are fed up with his drinking and smoking.

Incorrect: Everyone should buy a shuttle ticket unless you plan

to spend most of your time walking around Subic.

Correct: You should buy a shuttle ticket unless you plan to spend most of your time walking around Subic.

Incorrect: In Philippine movies, a police officer is often criticized for always being there when they aren’t needed and

never being there when they are.

Correct: In Philippine movies, police officers are often criticized for always being there when they aren’t needed and

never being there when they are.

Incorrect: Andoy’s hopes rise and fall as Inday’s heart started and stopped at the emergency room.

Correct: Andoy’s hopes rose and fell as Inday’s heart started and stopped at the emergency room.

Incorrect: The cops advised us against allowing anyone into our homes without proper identification. Also, alert neighbors

when going on vacation.

Correct: The cops advised us against allowing anyone into our homes without proper identification. They also suggested that

we alert neighbors when going on vacation.

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Linking Ideas

When sentences and paragraphs flow from one to another without gaps or shifts, then they are coherent.

Repeat key words to gain coherence.

Coherent: We Filipinos are a charitable and hospitable people: we have institutions devoted to every good cause from

taking care of aged loved ones to celebrating town fiestas.

But what have we done to promote the art of thinking?

Certainly we make no room for thought in our daily lives.

Suppose a young man were to say to his friends, "I’m not

going to play basketball tonight because I need some time to

myself, some time to think"? Such a person would be shunned

by his friends; his family would be ashamed of him and think

he’s gay. What if a girl were to say, "I’m not going to chat

on the Internet tonight because I need some time to reflect"?

Her parents would immediately think she’s sick and start

looking for a psychiatrist. We are all too much like the late

dictator Ferdinand Marcos: we fear and distrust people who

dream too much--look what happened to Ninoy Aquino. We

believe that almost anything is more important than thinking.

Inconsistent: One goes about skateboarding in this manner. At the very outset one acquires an “extreme sports” state of mind.

An instructional video must be watched or a beginner’s book

must be read, and preferably someone with experience should

educate the novice. Preparing for the first ride takes

several steps. The purchase of a good skateboard is first. A

wooden deck with grip tape, a pair of metal trucks, four sets

of rubber wheels with bearings, and the coolest clothes and

skate shoes capable of withstanding tears and falls outfit

the skater for his adventure. The decision has to be made on

just what tricks to learn and where to perform them--street,

empty pool, or ramp. Finally, the skater needs medical

insurance, in case he doesn’t nail his first trick and

injures himself.

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Maintain consistency in point of view.

Consistent: I went about skateboarding in this manner. To acquire an “extreme sports” state of mind, I watched an

instructional video, read a beginner’s book, and talked

at length with an experienced skater. Then, I purchased a

good skateboard--a wooden deck with grip tape, a pair of

metal trucks, and four sets of rubber heels with bearings.

Afterwards, I outfitted myself withstanding the tears and

falls of my adventure. Next, I decided on what tricks to

learn and where to perform them--street, empty pool, or ramp.

Finally, I got medical insurance, in case I don’t nail my

first trick and injure myself.

Provide transitions to:

Show addition—and, also, besides, next, too, first, second, further, Give examples—for example, for instance, to illustrate, in fact, To compare—also, similarly, likewise, in the same manner To contrast—but, however, still, on the other hand, in contrast, To summarize or conclude—in other words, in short, that is, therefore To show time—after, as, before, next, during, later, finally, then, To show place or direction—above, below, beyond, nearby, farther on, To indicate logical relationship—if, so, therefore, consequently, thus

Coherent: My hometown is famous for several amazing natural and artificial features. First, it is noted for the Pasig

River, which is very wide and beautiful--not to mention

very black. On either side of this river, are many buildings

and old factories which have tarpaulin billboards that can

move gracefully in the wind. During strong typhoons, these

billboards tear and cover the roofs of houses and streets

like snow. Second, on the other side of my town is the

Ortigas Center, where high-rise offices, residential

condominiums, and shopping malls sprout like weeds. Even

though it is one of the top business districts in the

metropolis, there are many trees that stand clearly against

the gray sky. In fact, these trees can be seen from many

miles away--especially while stuck in traffic on top of

the Ortigas Flyover. The third amazing feature of my town is

the squatter shanties along the river banks. ...

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Repairing Misplaced Modifiers Modifiers—whether they are single words, phrases, or clauses—should point

clearly to the words they modify.

Put limiting modifiers in front of the words they modify. only, even, almost, nearly, just

Example: Misplaced: You will only need to read one of the books. Our team didn’t even score once. He almost ate the whole chicken.

Revised: You will need to read only one of the books. Our team didn’t score even once. He ate almost the whole chicken.

Move awkwardly placed modifiers. Vague:

1. There are many pictures of rock bands on the walls

who have performed at Mayrics.

2. The club owner is a six-foot-tall man with a big

tattoo weighing 200 pounds.

Clear:

1. On the walls are many pictures of rock bands who have

performed at Mayrics.

2. The club owner is a 200-pound, six-foot-tall man with

a big tattoo.

Example: Misplaced: Many students have, by the time they reach their senior year, completed all the requirements for their major.

Revised: By the time they reach their senior year, many students have completed all the requirements for their major.

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Don’t split an infinitive (“to” plus a verb). Vague:

1. The athlete with the broken leg should try to, as

much as possible, avoid going up and down the school

stairs.

2. The beauty candidate decided to formally launch her

campaign for student votes.

Clear:

1. As much as possible, the athlete with the broken leg

should try to avoid going up and down the school stairs.

2. The beauty candidate decided to launch formally her

campaign for student votes.

Repair dangling modifiers (introductory verbal phrases). Dangling:

1. While still a beginner at basketball, STI’s coach

recruited my brother to play for the Olympians.

2. Deciding to join the team, the coach enthusiastically

shook my brother’s hand.

3. Excited about winning the championship, a celebration

was held at the campus.

Repaired:

1. While my brother was still a beginner at basketball,

STI’s coach recruited him to play for the Olympians.

2. The coach enthusiastically shook his hand after my

brother decided to join the team.

3. Excited about winning the championship, the team held

a celebration at the campus.

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Providing Variety

When a rough draft is filled with too many same-sounding sentences, try injecting some variety in order not to bore your readers.

Vary your sentence openings.

Ordinary: The biggest coincidence that day happened when my ex-girlfriend and I ended up sitting next to each other in the

jeepney on my way home.

Varied: Coincidentally, my ex-girlfriend and I ended up sitting

right next to each other in the jeepney on my way home.

In an amazing coincidence, my ex-girlfriend and I...

When I sat down in the jeepney on my way home, I realized

that, by sheer coincidence, I was directly next to my ex-

girlfriend.

With over 20 passengers in the jeepney, it took an incredible

coincidence for me to end up sitting right next to my ex -

girlfriend on my way home.

What are the odds that I would have ended up sitting right

next to my ex-girlfriend in the jeepney...

At the crowded jeepney on my way home, packed with over 20

passengers, my ex-girlfriend and I ended up sitting right

next to each other by sheer coincidence.

Though I hadn’t made any advance arrangements with my ex-

girlfriend, we ended up sitting right next to each other in

the jeepney...

Many amazing coincidences occurred that day, but nothing

topped sitting right next to my ex-girlfriend in the

jeepney...

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Unbelievable, I know, but my ex-girlfriend and I...

Use a variety of sentence structures —simple, compound, complex,

compound-complex

Simple: 1. Some students like to study in the morning.

2. Melinda and Belinda play badminton every afternoon.

3. Erlinda goes to the library and studies every day.

Compound: 1. I tried to speak in English, and the tourist tried to

speak in Filipino.

2. Melissa cooked dinner, so Norberto washed the dishes.

3. Alejandro watched TV, for Clarissa had gone to bed.

Complex:

1. The students are studying because they have a test

tomorrow.

2. When he handed in his test paper, he forgot to give

the teacher the last page.

3. The teacher returned the test paper to him after she

noticed the error.

Compound-Complex:

1. I admire Apolonia, but she doesn’t admire me,

although I try hard to impress her.

2. He forgot her birthday, so he sent her a card when he

finally remembered.

3. Even if Apolinario failed, at least he tried, and

he’s a better person for it.

Try inverting sentences. Ordinary:

1. I will never do that again!

2. He hardly ever comes to class on time.

3. The lack of safety measures became obvious only after

the virus had infected all the lab’s computers.

4. Mount Apo is so high that the STI Mountaineers can

take only a couple of steps per minute as they near the

summit.

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5. The man and his wife lived down the street without

anyone suspecting that they were really Abu Sayyaf

terrorists.

Inverted: 1. Never will I do that again!

2. Hardly ever does he come to class on time.

3. Only after the virus had infected all the lab’s

computers did the lack of safety measures become obvious.

4. So high is Mount Apo that the STI Mountaineers can

take only a couple of steps per minute as they near the

summit.

5. Down the street lived the man and his wife without

anyone suspecting that they were really Abu Sayyaf

terrorists.

Add a question or quotation.