Cows, Politics and Cows, Politics and NationsNations

Political Systems and Political Systems and Political PhilosophiesPolitical Philosophies

A Humorous ExaminationA Humorous Examination Designed to Offend Designed to Offend

EveryoneEveryone

LIBERALLIBERAL

You have two cows.You have two cows.

Your neighbor has noneYour neighbor has noneYou feel guilty for being successful.You feel guilty for being successful.

Instead of giving your neighbor one of Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your your cows, you write to your

congressman, demanding that she congressman, demanding that she pass legislation for more government pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a programs to help your neighbor get a

cow. cow.

You hold a concert to raise You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cowless.awareness for the cowless.

Celine Dion sings for the Celine Dion sings for the

cowless, who couldn’t attend cowless, who couldn’t attend because ticket prices are so because ticket prices are so

expensive that only people with 3 expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. or 4 cows can afford to attend.

You wear a ribbon that signifies that You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, you care about cowless people, even though you really haven’t even though you really haven’t directly done anything to help directly done anything to help

them.them.

CONSERVATIVECONSERVATIVE

You have a lot of cows.You have a lot of cows.

Your neighbor has none.Your neighbor has none.

So?So?

SOCIALISTSOCIALIST

You have two cows.You have two cows.

The government takes one and The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISTCOMMUNIST

You have two cows.You have two cows.

The government seizes both and The government seizes both and provides you with milkprovides you with milk

You wait in line for hours to get it.You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.It is expensive and sour.

Capitalism, AMERICAN StyleCapitalism, AMERICAN Style

You have two cows.You have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself You sell one, lease it back to yourself

and do an IPO on the 2and do an IPO on the 2ndnd one. one. You force the two cows to produce the You force the two cows to produce the

milk of the four cows.milk of the four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops You are surprised when one cow drops

dead.dead. You spin an announcement to the You spin an announcement to the

analysts that you have down sized and analysts that you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock are reducing expenses. Your stock

goes upgoes up..

Agriculture Policy, Agriculture Policy, American StyleAmerican Style

You have two cows.You have two cows.

The government takes The government takes them both, shoots them both, shoots

one, milks the other, one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, pays you for the milk,

and then pours the and then pours the milk down the drain.milk down the drain.

FRENCH CorporationFRENCH Corporation

You have two cows.You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want You go on strike because you want three cows.three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.Life is good.

JAPANESE JAPANESE CORPORATIONCORPORATION

You have two cows.You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one tenth You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow Most are at the top of their class at cow school.school.

GERMAN GERMAN CORPORATIONCORPORATION

You have two cows. You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give blond, drink lots of beer, give

excellent quality milk, and run a excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately the also demand 13 Unfortunately the also demand 13 weeks of vacation a yearweeks of vacation a year

Greek CorporationGreek Corporation

You have two cowsYou have two cows You tell the government You have no You tell the government You have no

cows.cows. The government believes youThe government believes you You sell the cows and report no income You sell the cows and report no income

for the year. for the year. The government sends you a welfare The government sends you a welfare

check and offers you a job counting check and offers you a job counting cows. cows.

ITALIAN CORPORATIONITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.You break for lunch.Life is good.Life is good.

RUSSIAN RUSSIAN CORPORATIONCORPORATION

You have two cows.You have two cows.

You have some vodka.You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have four You count them and learn you have four cows.cows.

You have some more vodka and learn you You have some more vodka and learn you have eight cows.have eight cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes however The Mafia shows up and takes however many cows you really have.many cows you really have.

TALIBAN TALIBAN CORPORATIONCORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.which are two.

You don’t milk them because you You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private cannot touch any creature’s private

parts.parts.

Then you kill them and claim a US Then you kill them and claim a US drone blew them up while they were drone blew them up while they were

in the hospital.in the hospital.

POLISH CORPORATIONPOLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk and killed attempting to milk

them.them.

CALIFORNIANCALIFORNIAN

You have a cow and a bull.You have a cow and a bull.

The bull is depressed.The bull is depressed.

It has spent its life living a lie.It has spent its life living a lie.

It goes away for two weeks.It goes away for two weeks.

It comes back after a taxpayer-paidIt comes back after a taxpayer-paid

sex-change operation.sex-change operation.

You now have two cows.You now have two cows.

One makes milk; the other doesn’t.One makes milk; the other doesn’t.

You try to sell the transgender You try to sell the transgender cowcow

It’s lawyer sues you for It’s lawyer sues you for discrimination.discrimination.

You lose in court.You lose in court.You sell the milk-generating cow to You sell the milk-generating cow to

pay for the damages.pay for the damages.You change your business to beef.You change your business to beef.

PETA pickets your farm.PETA pickets your farm.