copyright ed young, 9, 2002 1 section 4 lesson 3 bases of authority used by parents and surrogate...

copyright Ed Young, 9, 2002 1

Section 4 Lesson 3 Bases of Authority Used by Parents and Surrogate Parents Result in

Complementary Patterns of Behavioral Reactions from Youth

The dynamics of this interaction between authorities and the youth

is having a profound influence on the development of the inner person of the youth

and on his inner processes.


Forces That Thwart The Youth’s Intentions

and How They Influence the Youth’s Personality

– Prior Memories and Views of the World are mainly formed in the home and community. Views of the world predispose the youth in specific ways for future action.

– These world views also have Prior Schemes of Behavior attached to them. In an appropriate situation these prior views and schemes are elicited and the youth acts so as to fulfill his criteria for success in that situation.

– Situations are constantly being faced and intentions to behave based on these prior forces are constantly being evoked and evolving.

– The youth invests a lot of time fantasizing and envisioning future events and situations. This is the main place or time where Intentions and Patterns of Originate.

– But, there is another powerful, contrary force that is shaping intentions and actions. This is the ‘Internalized Parents’ or, in the case of most delinquents, Negative Implicit Others. This force alters the youth’s Intentions and his Criteria for Fulfillment, and hence his Goal, and eventually his Strategies for Action.

– This negative force, therefore, overrides the youth’s Original Intentions. What is expressed during the youth’s Adventuring into action, then, is the revised intention, or Manifest Intention. This is the ‘apparent’ intention which conforms to the constraints and dictates or wishes of the Negative Implicit Other. The youth’s original intention is buried somewhere in memory. What is seen by those watching may appear to be what the youth really intended, however, it is, in fact, only the ‘manifest intention’ or the pretend or phony intention.

– The youth is learning in-authenticity. This process leaves him with inner discomfort and a sense of dissatisfaction with self.

– Because of this, the original intention is now incomplete and remains in waiting for an occasion for its expression. Such an un-completed original intention lying in wait for the occasion to be completed is called a Theme of Incompleteness and leaves the youth with a lingering sense of self betrayal and longing.


TYPES OF PARENTAL AUTHORITY, INTERNALIZATION OF PARENTS AS IMPLICIT OTHERS AND THE TYPES OF PARENTAL AUTHORITY, INTERNALIZATION OF PARENTS AS IMPLICIT OTHERS AND THE FORMATION OF MANIFEST INTENTIONS AND THEMES OF INCOMPLETENESSFORMATION OF MANIFEST INTENTIONS AND THEMES OF INCOMPLETENESS

Original Intention to speak and/or act.

Original Intention to speak and/or act.

Implicit Other

Revise Original Intention to conform to Implicit Other.

Manifest Intention Enacted.

Store incomplete original intention on reserve as Theme of Incompleteness.

Concomitant feelings of frustration, anger, and despair. Feelings of meaninglessness, drudgery, emptiness, un-fulfillment and direction- less longing.

Feelings of futile, hollow attainment or wasted effort.

Blocked


Prelude To Understanding The Effects Of The Basis For Authority Used By Parents And Staff

CORRECTIONAL THERAPY TECHNIQUES FOR REPLACING THE DELINQUENT’S INTERNAL, CENTRALLY CONTROLLING NEGATIVE IMPLICIT OTHER WITH A POSITIVE, PROPERLY SOCIALIZING IMPLICIT OTHER

• The preceding slide presented a basic model of the role of the implicit others, or rather implicit parents, in transforming original intentions into manifest intentions and eventually into inauthentic acts.

• The implicit other can take many forms, depending on the personal characteristics of the youth’s parents and other significant persons and other significant experiences in the youth’s life. The implicit other is only one of a great many factors that may contribute to the formation of an original intention and its transformation into a manifest intention and act. Parents and parent figures in the child’s early life make the greatest contribution to internalized character of the implicit others.

• Nine basic types of implicit others will be delineated. In a subsequent Section, there will be a long list of attribution adjectives from which one can select to find the most appropriate characterization of one’s parents from which the youth’s implicit parents is gradually created. If you know the list of adjectives that characterize the parents, it is possible to imagine the effects each attribute might have on the way the youth feels, intends, and acts in particular situations and settings. Thereafter, when you see the youth seeming to feel and acting in ways that are troublesome, you can try and infer whether or not these troublesome symptoms might be the result of the characteristics of the implicit others the youth had internalized.

• Assuming your assumptions are correct, you can ask yourself if this youth really wants to feel and act that way. Then you might ask, how might you be able to relate to the youth so that these negative implicit others are supplanted with what you hope will be more ideal implicit others, namely you as surrogate parent.

• Supplanting the old with the new may not bring about an immediate change because behavioral habits are difficult to change. Also, the youth will initially feel as though they are acting out of character and they may feel that peers and others may perceive them as acting phony. However, encouraging and supporting them in them changed behavior and by their gradually practicing the new behavior, by making small changes and taking small steps, and by seeing the eventual positive, or lack of negative, reactions of others, the way can be smoothed into the youth’s new way of being and behaving. This is likely to bring with it a feeling of exhilaration, release, and freedom.

• To accomplish this transformation of the Negative Implicit Parents into the Positive, staff must establish around the clock opportunities for bonding, guidance, and positive reinforcement within the widest possible range of social settings and situations.

• Maturity coaches, Dorm Parents, Case Workers, Teachers, and Contract Therapists can all be trained to identify teachable moments for correcting behavior. Simultaneously, it is necessary at some point to point out to the youths the contrasts between their old way of being and their new way of being. It is also necessary, when they are ready to help them understand how and from whom they had learned te old way of feeling and acting. It is necessary to help them understand that the old way was what they used to feel and the way they used to act in their home environment. Now, seeing the benefits of having practicing and learned this new way of being, they can prepare themselves to maintain this new way when they return home.

• It is helpful to take care to emphasize that the youth’s parents and extended family members need not be rejected because they never had the opportunity to learn a more effective, rewarding, constructive ways of living. In the end, the youth can be advised to take the lessons home with him and be a model and, at appropriate times, teacher to family and peers and others in the home community.

copyright Ed Young, 9, 2002 5Apr 19, 2023

Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children: 1. Authority as ‘Parents’ as the Basis for Control

You have to because we are your parents.

I don’t see why we have to do it that way!

I don’t either! Just because you say so doesn’t make it right!

Its going to be so because we say so!

Some parents take the position that their children should believe and do as they say simply because they are the parents. In today’s world, with enormous exposure to such diverse ways of being, doing, and believing, parents are under tremendous stress when trying to convince their children to follow their guidance and demands and prohibitions. Their children are going to question and parents generally are not prepared to give convincing, reasoned explanations for the positions they are taking. Children will assume they have no answers and just need to exercise arbitrary power. Resorting to the argument that they should not be questioned based on their rights as parents tends to undermine their children's willingness to believe in them and follow their leadership.


Reflections on 1. Authority as ‘Parents’ as the Basis for Control

Have ever seen a dorm parent or other staff member, or even yourself, use this approach with a resident? If so, the words they used were probably picked up unconsciously from their own parent or some other adult authority figure and used in that situation without thinking. Nevertheless, what are the assumptions underlying this approach? Does this approach tend to facilitate or hinder the resident, considering the resident’s authenticity, inner feelings, intentions, ego development, and growth in maturity and character?


Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children: 2. Control of Material Resources as the Basis for Control

Either you do what we say or you won’t get any money, the car, and all that other stuff.



If you do it our way, we will pay for x and y!

Some parents take the position that their children should believe and do as they say simply because they have the power to give or withhold material resources. Once again, in the modern world, children are going to question. When they see that their parents do not give a reasoned position for the stand they are taking, when they see their parents have to resort to controlling by giving or withholding material resources, they lose respect for their parents position and for their parents. They see the parents’ strategy as a form of bribery and manipulation, a power play. When they see the parents’ resorting to a power play, they begin to try to figure out a way to beat them at their own game. The underlying values of the parents is not incorporated because the power strategy has undermined their values as capable of standing on their own.


Reflections on 2. Control of Material Resources as the Basis for Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children:3. Exercise of Physical Punishment as Their Ultimate Source of Control

You’ll do it and do it now or your father will take his belt to you.


you can’t give us a good reason so you have to beat us to make us do what you want.

You smart alec kids! You think you can get away with talking to your mother like that? Shut up and do what we say or I will beat the hell out of both of you!

When the teens see the parents resorting to force, they learn that might makes right and using reason and good judgment is irrelevant. The teens lose respect for the parents and this outrages the parents even more. If the parents actually use beating to gain compliance, then the teens will begin to hate them and to avoid them and to act in defiance when away from home and use sabotage at home. Therefore, they are not only learning that use of force is legitimate, rejecting parental authority and values, learning to be devious, but also learn emotional isolation, alienation, and even self disrespect.


Reflections on 3. Exercise of Physical Punishment as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children:4. Exercise of Psychological Rewards and Punishment as Their Ultimate Source of Control

Well , if you do do it, then I will think you are a very nice young woman and man. If you don’t, I will think you are a couple of spoiled brats.


You are just trying to manipulate us. I don’t care what you think about us, I think it is OK to do what we want because everybody else is doing it and no one thinks they are bad kids.

Now is that anyway to talk to your mother? Haven’t we raised you to be respectful, decent kids? Don’t let me down and make me think less of you!

When teens are faced with the use of psychological rewards and punishments, they learn that the game is a war of words and manipulative skills. They learn to rationalize and justify and out wit. They become adept at twisting words around so as to make whatever they want seem to be consistent with family values. If the next adult authorities have to get their cooperation, they will be faced with this war of words and develop distrust and take a strong dislike to these teens. This will mean these teens have to learn even greater skills of deception and manipulation and verbal gamesmanship.


Reflections on 4. Exercise of Psychological Rewards and Punishment as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children:5. Appealing to Their Superior Knowledge and Experience as Their Ultimate Source of Control

Well, you see dear, your father and I have been through all of that and we know what its like and what could happen. We just want to give you the benefit of our experience.


but you experienced it for yourself, so why shouldn’t we have the chance to do the same thing?

We want to spare you all the mistakes and negative consequences. Take our advice and you will thank us when you get older.

Some parents really have the best interests of their children at heart and overwhelm their teens with their superior knowledge. Typically, they are correct in the information and advice they give their give their teens. They are so nice and rational about it that the teen would feel stupid and unreasonably defiant to not accept their parents’ advice. The teen may hand the thinking and learning from experience over to the parents. Consequently, these teens do not learn to think for themselves. They also do not learn the coping skills to assess difficult life situations and cope with hard knocks. The maturation of their ego is preempted and they develop without the necessary experience and skills for adulthood. The favor they did for their teen is unwittingly the worst disfavor they could do.


Reflections on 5. Appealing to Their Superior Knowledge and Experience as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children:6. Giving a Well Reasoned Argument that is Acceptable even to the Child as Their

Ultimate Source of Control




Reflections on 6. Giving a Well Reasoned Argument that is Acceptable even to the Child as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children:7. Appealing to the Tenets of Their Religion as Their Ultimate Source of Control




Reflections on 7. Appealing to the Tenets of Their Religion as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children: 8. Appealing to the Family and Subculture Tradition as Their Ultimate Source of Control




Reflections on 8. Appealing to the Family and Subculture Tradition as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Parental Styles, Roles, and Strategies for Controlling Their Children: 9. Use of Deception and Manipulation as Their Ultimate Source of Control




Reflections on 9. Use of Deception and Manipulation as Their Ultimate Source of Control



Patterns of Listening and GuidanceAssessing Strategies in Relation to Consequences,

and the Effects of Intelligent Correction and Guided Learning from Experience


Patterns of Listening and Negotiation Appropriate for Maturity Coaching

copyright ed young, 9, 2002 1 section 4 lesson 3 bases of authority used by parents and surrogate...

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