Journal of Family Ministry,Vol. 8, No. 2, 1994

Coping with Burnout in the Helping Professions David C. Rurfman

Helping professionals are often so busy helping everyone else, we exclude taking care of ourselves. This is to the detriment of our relationships with our families, our churches, the people and things which are important to us, and even our relationship with God. A colleague recently quipped, "People get so engrossed in making a living that they forget to make a life. " Stress and burnout is an oft-mentioned topic which must be faced and addressed in order to effectively be all God has intended for us to be. This article explores what burnout is, what is involved, and chal­lenges helping professionals to come to grips with it.

In the last issue of the Journal, Diana Garland addressed the topic of chronic stress which contributes to family vulnerability. The lead article of this issue mentions stress as a contributing factor to personal and pro­fessional vulnerability in the area of sexual misconduct. Everywhere we look today it seems there are stories, studies, and articles on stress and burnout. But despite the deluge of information on the subject, those of us in the helping professions, be they secular or church-related, all too often fall prey to this seemingly ever present force which insidiously weaves its tentacles throughout the very fiber and essence of our being.

You will probably not find anything new in this article, but perhaps you can relate to where most of us have been at one time or another in our professional lives as we try to juggle family, work, church, and so on. If we are to be effective in our ministry with families, we must face the area of stress and burnout and come to terms with it.

As giving professionals, it is all too easy to give and give until we are completely given out. While we may have head knowledge about taking care of ourselves and we believe we should know when to say NO, we are oftentimes so bent on helping that we opt for a quasi-hebitudinous ap­proach rather than address the roots of the dilemma. We dismiss the fa­tigue, the irritability, the insomnia, and all the other signs of burnout by saying, "Well, that's life/' or "It's the cost of living." Meanwhile, we become no good to ourselves and no good to our clients, or parishioners, or our family.

This is not what we have been called to do. God asks for our best, but in order to give our best to others we must be the best God would have

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Journal of Family Ministry,Vol. 8, No. 2, 1994

us be. This is not possible as long as we ignore our own signs of burnout and keep pushing ourselves until things start falling apart.

What Does Burnout Mean to You? In general, burnout is considered exhaustion from long-term stress.

The stress may be work related, health related, physical duress, emotional turbulence, or a mixture of all these resulting in a feeling of being just worn out. All too often it subtly creeps up on us without our ever being aware of it until its hold is deep within us and then we succumb to it. We may begin exercising, or increasing our exercise regime, changing eating or sleeping habits; still it dogs us. Taking long weekends, or changing our schedules, work to no avail. We are worn out, used up, wiped out. You may note within yourself some or all of the following signs of burnout: irritability, fidgetiness, sleeplessness, fatigue, lack of focus or concentra­tion, boredom, a lackadaisical attitude, and perhaps even depression. You are stuck, immobilized, focused on the burnout, with so much to do, to take care ofj to handle. You have so many needs and so little energy, if any at all. You feel stuck, trapped, and you need help!

Where did it all go wrong? Its high time to key in on our strengths, trig­gers, and boundaries as tools to help ourselves, as we endeavor to further help others.

Strengths Crom Which to Draw Before looking at boundaries, we must look first at our God-given

strengths. Who are we? What are we? What makes us tick? What is our cen­tral motivational thrust? Are we involved in a lifestyle that is in keeping with what really works for us and allows us to be all God intends for us to be?

Daily we see parishioners, clients, colleagues, or friends engrossed and enmeshed in lifestyles which appear to take the energy right out of them. We may even notice this in ourselves. But how often do we suggest a change in job or lifestyle, forms of relaxation, prayer, establishing personal connections, and so on to these others? And how often do we examine the balance in our own lives? Can we apply the same principles and sug­gestions to ourselves? Do we have the same faith that God can and will work miraculously in our lives, as we tell our parishioners or clients that He can and will in theirs?

Unfortunately, it is more common for helping professionals to try to do it all ourselves. We do not listen to our own advice. As we become en­grossed in our ministry or career, we forget to make a life for ourselves; more importantly, we forget the One who has called us into this life and begin to take our pain out on those around us, notably, our family, friends,

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Journal of Family Ministry,Vol. 8, No. 2, 1994

and colleagues. As we act out our stress, we become more isolated and our ministry suffers. How can we take our lives back in order to be all God would have us be and serve others more effectively? Here are three re­minders.

First, take the time for an assessment of your life. What really fulfills you? List those things. Are your heartfelt central motivational interests being addressed? Are you living a life which gives you zest to get up every day? Is there any time on your list for recreational or fiin activities? Where does your relationship with God fall? Your family? As you look at the list of priorities and responsibilities in your life, is there an imbalance? What could you leave out which has no eternal significance? Helping others is a worthwhile calling, but if we are burned out and used up that worth is going somewhere else. If you do not have the energy or the will to get out of bed in the morning, reassess what is important in your life and do it today.

Second, examine your priorities. We all have them, yet are you con­sciously aware of what yours are today? Take a moment to take stock. Jot down the things, people, hobbies, and so on that are important to you. What percentage of your time is qualitatively devoted to these? Is your spouse, family, friends, parishioners/clients, heartfelt interests, hobbies, (you fill in the blank), suffering? What else is important?

It is so easy for those of us in the helping professions to let everyone else's needs, crises, or emergencies crowd over into our lives. While the aforementioned do fall within our professional purview, generally, we need to discover more creative ways to spread the responsibility so as to take care of ourselves and our priorities too. Examine what your biblically mandated responsibilities and priorities are. How many of us leave spouses, families, personal health ahd welfare, even God, at the bottom of the list, rather than putting them in their rightful place? What about other things that are special and important? It is crucial that you have time to address these priorities, or else you will become bitter, resentful, and angry at all the intrusions (and so will those expecting you to be involved with them).

Finally, who and what controls you life? Is your life crowded with re­sponsibilities, schedules, and often impossible demands of various kinds? Does money, or perhaps more likely, the lack of it, control you? How about your call? Do you work 60, 80, 100 hours per week just to keep up with the expectations of yourself and everyone else? Is all of this to the exclu­sion of your needs, responsibilities, priorities? Responsibilities of various professional and ministerial positions carry with them an incredibly high cost. Are you willing to pay that kind of price in relation to your own pri­orities? With the help of your significant others, develop a plan to include them in quality time and activities.

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Journal of Family Ministry,Vol. 8, No. 2, 1994

Triggering Mechanisms of Burnout You may be aware of what triggers burnout in your family members,

colleagues, and friends, but, as the Scripture admonishes, it is always easier to see the speck in another's eye. Are you aware of what triggers burnout in you? Are you involved in a lifestyle, career, ministry that is meaningful and fulfilling to you? Are you in the place God would have you? If not, the deck is already stacked against you.

Each of us has things that tear us up, both personally and profession­ally. What are those things in your life? Take a moment to write these down. How do you handle them? Are there other ways to deal with these? Take some time to figure out what might work better for you when these issues, problems or behaviors trigger you on a spiral toward a burnout course. Discover a positive way to turn it around for you.

Develop and Maintain Boundaries Set up parameters to take care of you. Put your life and responsibili­

ties in a right and proper perspective and order. You set up the bound­aries, schedules, priorities, and so on that you need. Balance quality time for you, your spouse, and your family. You may even set up an account­ability system to ensure that you are taken care of. (See Oates article this issue.) If you do not take care of you and your house, not only are your priorities out of line, but you end up with your life out of control, and then burned out with nothing to give anyone!

Take the time to put your house in order. Know what makes you tick and find career or ministry opportunities which fulfill your central moti­vational niche. Take the time to prioritize your life and respond to it ac­cordingly. Be aware of the mechanisms that can crowd in and trigger burn­out. Develop personal, professional, and familial boundaries that help breathe life into you, your family, your career or ministry, and those for whom you have responsibility.

David C. Kurfman, MA, IPC, bos served in a variety of ministry con­texts since 1981, including private practice as a Christian counselor working with individuals, couples, and families. He is presently program coordinator for an intensive family preservation team in Nashville, Ten­nessee.

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