Connecting with the Inside Kid

Meeting the Needs of the “Inside Child”: An Introduction to the Conflict Cycle, the Life Space Crisis Intervention and Response Ability Pathways

Attribution• This presentation is an overview of Life Space

Crisis Intervention (LSCI) and Response Abilities Pathways (RAP).

• There is contained within content and graphics that are found in the copyrighted materials used in LSCI and RAP training modules.

• Copying of these materials is with permission only by the authors.

Connecting with the Inside Kid

• Presented by:

• Jim Taylor, Director of Training

• Terry Cooper, Project Manager

Residential Services Division, Cal Farley’s, Amarillo, TX

Objectives

• Learn about the importance of meeting needs rather than simply managing behavior.

• Learn about and practice the Conflict Cycle• Overview of strength-based practices used to

break the Conflict Cycle, including:– Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI);– Response Abilities Pathways (RAP)

What we are all about:

• Finding, engaging, training, and supporting people who are passionate about responding to the pain of children and youth differently than the rest of the world.

• People are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.

Epictetus, 1st Century AD

Foundational Assumption

• There are innate strengths in children, and by creating a healthy ecology wherein needs are met and limits set, as opposed to an informal culture of coercive surface behavior management, children will have the opportunity to develop their innate strengths as needed to live a life-long adventure of power and purpose.

Who is the “Inside Kid”?

Surface Behavior

Emotions Thoughts

The Culture of Curiosity

• Wherever we are, whatever our role may be, we should be “suspecticians” who are never satisfied with superficial explanations of children’s behavior.

• Our task is to move from certainty to curiosity when dealing with challenging behavior.

The problems kids cause are not the causes of their problems.

• Controlling behavior is not the same as meeting needs.

• Too often, our interactions with children are limited to the management of surface behaviors.

• Fundamental premise: behavior changes when needs are met.

Developing Resiliency

• Resiliency is the innate human ability to rebound from adversity with even greater strength to meet future challenges.

• Our role is to help children develop their natural strengths as needed for life-long resiliency.

What are the universal needs of every child?

• Safety• Belonging• Achievement• Power• Purpose• Adventure

Universal Needs

Safety Belonging

Achievement

Power

Purpose

Adventure

The Challenge of Children’s Unmet Needs

What happens when children and youth’s needs are not met by caring adults?

• They get their needs met by whatever means possible – often using inadequate or destructive coping strategies.

• Children who are weakly attached to adults are at risk for connection with negative peers.

Private Logic

• The adult brain is capable of logical and orderly thought.

• The adolescent brain’s thought processes are driven by emotion.

Private Logic (2)

• Unmet needs result in negative emotions

• These emotions drive thoughts and beliefs that emerge as challenging behavior.

Pain-based Behavior

All behavior is purposeful!

Pain, whether physical or emotional, results in purposeful behavior.

Purposes of Pain-based Behavior

Pain-based behaviors are attempts to:

• Escape from pain;

• Defend against pain;

• Relieve pain; or,

• Resolve the problem causing the pain.

Anger and Pain-based Behavior

• Acting on anger is the most common behavior, as it appears less risky to youth than showing vulnerability by expressing hurt or disappointment.

Hurt People Hurt People!

Adult reacts with PAIN-BASED DISCIPLINE

Youth reacts withPAIN-BASED BEHAVIOR

©2005 Circle of Courage

Tit for Tat ER Cycles

Tit For Tat

LSCI Institute

THE CONFLICT CYCLE

1STRESSFUL

EVENT

2STUDENT'S FEELINGS

3STUDENT'S

OBSERVABLE BEHAVIOR

4ADULT/PEERREACTIONS

STUDENT'S SELF CONCEPT

IRRATIONAL BELIEFS

Six Patterns of Self-Defeating Behavior

Reality Rub:Errors in Perception

Red Flag:Imported Problems

New Tools: Poor Social Skills

Symptom Estrangement: Delinquent Pride

Massaging Numb Values: Behavior Driven by Guilt

Manipulation of Body Boundaries:Exploitation by Peers

Response Ability Pathways (RAP)

Basic Training in Building Strengths™

RAP Goals and Outcomes

CONNECT CLARIFY RESTORE

Trust Respect Understanding Empowerment

Challenge Logic Emotions Actions Results

Belonging Mastery Independence Generosity

Strengthen natural abilities to connect with others and gain positive support

Strengthen natural abilities to clarify challenges and solve difficult problems

Strengthen natural abilities to restore harmony and take responsible pathways

RAP provides support to youth as they learn to:• respond to respectful communication from others.

• express problems and pain in positive ways.

• connect with caring adults and peers.

• clarify problems and potentials.

• restore respectful bonds and social harmony.

• strengthen belonging, mastery, independence, and generosity.

RAP provides those who care about youth the ability to:

• Respond to needs instead of react to problem behavior. • Recognize and understand problems as pain-based behavior. • Create trusting, respectful connections with youth in need.

• Enable young people to clarify their problems and strengths. • Build climates of respect and social harmony.• Strengthen safety, belonging, achievement, power, purpose,

and adventure.

Emotional Intelligence Operates from Birth Responding

to Bids:

Accept +

Reject –

Ignore 0

The Power of Oxytocin

We are hardwired to connect!

The Ten D’s of DevianceTheory Problem ReactionParenting Disobedient Scold, punish, isolate

Education Disruptive Reprimand, suspend, expel

Special Education Disabled Label, remediate, segregate

Social Work Dysfunctional Intake, case-manage, discharge

Corrections Delinquent Adjudicate, punish, incarcerate

Behaviorism Disordered Assess, conditioning, time out

Medicine Diseased Diagnose, drug, hospitalize

Psychopathology Disturbed Test, treat, restrain

Sociology Deprived Study, patronize, resocialize

Folk Religion Demonic Chastise, exorcize, banish

PADD - Pessimism Antagonism Detachment Disorder

• Disturbed Reactions of Adults to Difficult Kids– Pessimism

• Blaming – “Some kids trouble makers”• Demeaning – “Others are just stupid”• Assuming the Worst – “They are all losers”

– Antagonism• Hostility – “I can’t stand kids like that”• Intimidation – “I’ll show them who is boss”• Punitiveness – “I’ll make them suffer”

– Detachment• Depersonalization – “Just so they follow the rules”• Disengagement – “I’m not wasting my time on them”• Zero Tolerance – “Mess up and they’re out of here”• Assuming the Worst – “They are all losers”

One day, Mamma said: “Conrad dear, I must go out and leave you here. But, mind now Conrad what I say. Don’t suck your thumb while I’m away. The great tall tailor always comes to little boys that suck their thumbs, and ere they dream what he’s about, he takes his great sharp scissors out and cuts their thumbs clean off, and then, you know they never grow again.

Mamma had scarcely turned her back – The thumb was in. Alack! Alack!

The door flew open, in he ran, the great, long, red-legg’d scissor-man. Oh! Children, see! The tailor’s come and caught out little Suck-a-Thumb. Snip! Snip! The scissors go; and Conrad cries out – Oh! Oh! Oh! Snip! Snip! Snip! They go so fast, that both his thumbs are off at last.

Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands. And looks quite sad, and shows his hands, - “Ah!” said Mamma “I knew he’d come to naughty little Suck-a-Thumb.”

The Resilient Brain: CLEAR Coping

Challenge Actions

Emotions

Logic

Results

Challenge is any event that produces stress.

Logic is a person’s way of perceiving and thinking.

Emotions motivate behavior and prepare for action.

Actions are coping behaviors directed toward some goal.

Results are consequences or outcomes of behavior.

Connecting with Adult-Wary Kids• Recast all problems as learning

opportunities. “Please coach me, don’t scold me.”

• Provide fail-safe relationships.“A person like me really needs a fan club.”

• Increase dosages of nurturance.“I need to believe that you really care.”

• Don’t crowd.“When you get too close, I will back away for awhile.”

• Use the back door.“If you can help me do well, you are important.”

• Decode the meaning of behavior.“I try to hide what I really think.

• Be authoritative, not authoritarian.“Help me to control me.”

• Model respect to the disrespectful.“Your respect helps build mine.”

• Enlist youth as colleagues.“We are the only real experts on ourselves.”

• Touch in small ways.“I watch little things you do to discover who you are.”

• Give seeds time to grow.“Please be patient with me — I am still learning.”

• Connect youth to cultural and spiritual roots.“I need to know there is a purpose for my life.”

Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.

FIGHTLIGHTOOLOLLOW

Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.

FIGHT: “Hurt or be hurt.”

• Threat display: “I am dangerous!”

• Power display: “I am in control!”

• Pay back: “I don’t get mad, I get even!”

Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.

FLIGHT: “Hide or be hurt.”

• Isolate: “I’ll shut out people!”

• Retreat: “I’ll shut out painful feelings!”

• Escape: “I’ll run away!”

Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.

FOOL: “I’ll outsmart them.”

• Deceive: “I’ll charm and disarm them!”

• Divert: “I’ll act dumb or crazy!”

• Mind games: “I’ll insult and provoke them!”

Defensive Tactics of Adult-Wary Kids.

FOLLOW: “I’ll join them.”

• Peer Power: “There’s safety in numbers!”

• Alpha Power: “There’s safety in submission!”

• Contagion: “There’s safety in anonymity!”

PROBLEMS AS OPPORTUNITY• STRENGTHS• Attachment• trust • warmth• friendship • cooperation • acceptance• Achievement• talent• Concentration• Comprehension• Organization• Coping

• PROBLEMS • Alienation • distrust• withdrawal• detachment • antagonism • exclusion• Incompetence• Inadequacy• Disinterest• confusion • chaos • Defeat

Crisis as Opportunity Life Space Crisis Intervention (LSCI)

A process for talking with youth in crisis.The process uses youths’ reactions to stressful events to:

(a) Change behavior(b) Enhance self-esteem(c) Reduce anxiety(d) Expand understanding and insight into their own and others’

behavior and feelings

Six Stages of the LSCI Interview Process

Diagnostic Stages -

• Drain-off

• Timeline

• Central Issue

Reclaiming Stages -

• Insight

• New Skills

• Transfer of Training

Stage 1 - DRAIN OFF

Staff de-escalation skills to Drain-Off the youth’s intense emotions while controlling one’s own counter-aggressive reactions.

Stage 2 - Timeline

Staff relationship skills to obtain and validate the youth’s perception of the crisis. Becoming “suspecticians”

(use of the Conflict Cycle)

Stage 3 - Central Issue

Staff diagnosis skills to determine if this crisis represents one of the six patterns of self-defeating behavior.

Stage 4 - Insight

Staff clinical skills to pursue the youth’s specific pattern of self-defeating behavior for personal insight and accountability.

Stage 5 - New Skills

Staff empowering skills to teach the youth new social skills to overcome his pattern of self-defeating behavior.

Stage 6 - Transfer of Training

Staff consultation and contracting skills to help the youth reenter the on-going activity and to reinforce and generalize new social skills.

Universal Needs

Safety Belonging

Achievement

Power

Purpose

Adventure