In the middle of December, I handed our secretary a new case to set up in our com-

puter system. She came back to me and said, “Sandra, I don’t know what you want

me to do about assigning a number to this case.” I didn’t know what she was getting

at, so I responded, “Well, why don’t you just use the number after the last number

you used?” She smiled and answered, “If I do that, it will be number 1,000”. Wow! I

couldn’t believe we’d hit 1,000 adoption cases since the original agency began back

in 1989! I even double-checked the numbering system to make sure

we’d really started at #1 and, sure enough, we had reached this milestone. It was even more amazing,

I thought, to reach this number during our 25th year!

With that being said, I welcome you to join in our celebration of this achievement. I wonder

if the founding members of CARA ever thought that so many lives would be impacted by their grass

roots project. This small group of volunteers worked tirelessly for many years to help improve the lives

of state foster children here in Connecticut. This work could never have been done without their

steadfast dedication and commitment to the cause. I am thankful that our staff members also demon-

strate this level of dedication every day in their work with families. In order to help us continue with

our original mission- to help place children in CT state foster care with adoptive families- we are now

launching an appeal to raise funds for “Project Connecticut’s Child (PCC)”. The need for us to assist

the Dept. of Children & Families with this work is just as important now as it was back in the 1980’s.

Every year, there are approximately 500 foster children in Connecticut who need forever families and

we can work together to make a difference for these children. If you wish to support PCC, please

contact me. My sincere thanks go out to all of our supporters for your many years of continued

generosity.

Warm regards,

Sandra Couillard, LCSW

Director of Adoption Services

(860) 886-7500 (x355)

scouillard@waterfordcs.org

n CT Adoption Services n 2 Clinic Drive n Norwich, CT n 860.886.7500 n www.ctadoptions.org

Don’t forget, if you’re a Facebook user, t“like” the WCS

page. We now cover CT Adoption Services news on this

page. You’ll share in the community of people who care

about foster care and adoption.

Facebook: https://

www.facebook.com/

pages/Waterford-

Country-School-Foster-

Care-and-Adoption-

Inside this issue:

A Letter from Sandra Couillard 1

The Importance of Lifebooks 2

New Faces & Staff Changes 2

Introducing Riley! 3

Training Opportunities 4

New Grant Opportunities 4

Adoption Tax Credits 4

Share Your Story 4

Project CT Childs Donations

CAS 2014 Picnic Pictures

5

5

Resource & Support Groups 6

Introducing Riley cont. 7

Books Worth Checking out 7

Save The Dates 7

Websites for you to bookmark!

CTadoptions.org

Wcsfostercare.org

Waterfordscountryschool.org

Winter 2015 Newsletter

Connecticut Adoption Servicesa program of WATERFORD COUNTRY SCHOOL

A Letter from Sandra:

Welcome Carolyn!. Carolyn Edwards became the new secretary for the adoption program in December 2014.

Carolyn is a resident of New London and has over 14 years of data entry and clerical experience. Carolyn is a volun-

teer at her local church where she is active in music ministry and mentoring. She has been married for 23 years and

is a proud mom/grandma of her only son and new granddaughter.

Welcome Kristen! Kristen Mallory, LMSW joined the staff of Connecticut Adoption Services in November, 2014,

bringing with her several years of experience in the field of international adoption. She has worked

closely with families during home study and post-placement, with a focus on finding families for older children and those

with special medical needs. In addition, she has facilitated pre-adoption trainings related to child development and insti-

tutionalization, as well as support groups for waiting families and single adoptive parents. Kristen earned her BA from

Boston University in International Relations and her MS from Columbia University School of Social Work, where she fo-

cused on direct client services, trauma interventions, and program development. She is available for work with families in

the greater New Haven area.

Welcome Lynn!!!! Lynn Gabbard, MS

Lynn Gabbard joined Connecticut Adoption Services in September 2014, after having served as Director of Adoption Services

for Lutheran Social Services of New England for many years. While at LSS she founded and directed a statewide resource

center designed to meet the ongoing needs of adopted children and their families, as well as provide training for adoption

professionals, clinicians, etc. An adoption and child welfare professional for over 30 years, Ms. Gabbard is a frequent presenter

on topics related to child placement and adjustment issues and has testified before Congressional subcommittees regarding

various adoption-related issues. She is a Connecticut repre- sentative to the North American Council on Adoptable Children

(NACAC), past president of the Open Door Society of Con- necticut, a statewide adoptive parent support group, and serves on

various adoption-focused committees. Ms. Gabbard is an adjunct faculty member at Quinnipiac University, Hamden and she

and her husband are parents to seven children, now adults, all of whom joined the family through adoption.

WHAT ARE LIFEBOOKS AND WHY ARE THEY IMPORTANT?

NEW FACES & STAFF CHANGES

Page 2

n CT Adoption Services n 2 Clinic Drive n Norwich, CT n 860.886.7500 n www.ctadoptions.org

A “Lifebook” is a collection of words, photos, and other memorabilia that helps record a child’s life. They are usually

created for children who have been adopted but it is not uncommon for a child in the foster care system to have a Lifebook as

well. Lifebooks are truthful stories about a child’s past. It helps validate, document and celebrate a child’s life.

Many of us are very open with our children and willingly discuss their adoption. We frequently ask, “Do you have any ques-

tions?” Children can have trouble coming up with questions about their birth family or their adoption on their own. We may

not even notice this struggle within our child. They may not know where to begin or what, if any, boundaries they sense you

have around the discussion. We have always been very open and honest with our children about their adoption. The older

they get, however, I am noticing little questions and comments that indicate that they are thinking about adoption much more

often than I thought. The Lifebook makes it easy to start conversations and lets them know you are available to discuss the

topic of their adoption without fear of them hurting your feelings.

There is much literature about how to create a Lifebook. If a child came to our home at a very young age, many of us start a Lifebook similar to a scrapbook.

There’s no problem with that. I like to think of a Lifebook as a scrapbook on steroids. The Lifebook starts at a child’s birth – not when they came to your fam-

ily. It helps a child connect with their histories. It celebrates the child, who they are and where they’ve been. It lets a child know that they are special and

unique and whatever their story is or what their past may have been, that they are worthy and special – that you are taking the time to document their life. The

Lifebook should include, if possible, pictures and stories about their birth relatives. If the child’s been in foster care, I like to try to find out their various place-

ments and get pictures of the foster home (from on-line) and even, if possible, the names and pictures of their foster family. Important people in their lives

should also be in the Lifebook.

A simple way to begin is to check their birth certificate and find out what hospital they were born in and its location. I try to “Google” it and print

pictures off-line. My kids really seem to enjoy this documentation of where they’ve come from and it’s a good way to start working on the book with a child. I

have a couple of books on Lifebooking that give good ideas on where to begin. There is no one way create a Lifebook. I choose a format that is comfortable

for my child and myself and go from there.

Lifebooks are a great tool to begin building attachment with your child. It tells the child, “There’s nothing about you we can’t discuss.” The child

should be working with you to create their Lifebook. I sometimes will put together a page of pictures and use this as a springboard for my child to start talking

about and share their memories.

We meet here at Waterford Country School (on Clinic Drive in Norwich) between 5:00 and 9:00 p.m. on the third Saturday of each month. We usu-

ally order dinner, work on the book, talk about our kids, get support from one another, and process our feelings about what our kids have been through. Any-

one is welcome to come. I have friends who are DCF foster parents who attend and adoptive parents come as well. Please call the facilitator of the session

beforehand (see below) so we can know to expect you. A reference that you may find useful: Lifebooks – Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child by Beth

O’Malley.

Dawn E. Caruso, MSW

Adoption Social Worker, Connecticut Adoption Services

Adoptive Mother of Five Children

March 21: Facilitator- Alana Jones 860-710-1593

(No April Session)

May 16 & June 20: Facilitator- Dawn Caruso 860-608-1042

Another Project CT’s Child Success Story

by Kathleen Kastrup, LCSW

You are already a family with a child. You are happy and re-

joice in your son. But something is missing . . . another child perhaps?

Hmmm. What to do. What about adoption? But how does one go about

learning about the process?

Jackie and Kim Kalajainen attended an informational session

conducted by Connecticut Adoption Services (CAS), a program of Water-

ford Country School (WCS). But the focus of the session was on private

adoption and Jackie and Kim felt that there had to be another way.

But then their son Cooper was diagnosed with Autism and

their plans to adopt were put on the back burner. For three years the

couple researched and accessed every available service for their son.

They became educated about resources within their community and

from all parts of the state. They worked with these partners and Cooper

blossomed under their care and interventions so much so that the Kala-

jainens were ready to move forward with their adoption plan. Jackie

and Kim attended a second session and learned more about CAS’s

signature program, Project Connecticut’s Child (PCC). They could have

their homestudy done by CAS and then adopt through the Department of

Children and Families (DCF). This seemed right for them and they

planned to go ahead with adopting through PCC.

They signed up with PCC and were delighted with their CAS

social worker, Allyson. Allyson became their fierce advocate and a

trusted resource to help the Kalajainens move through the DCF system.

Jackie and Kim successfully completed their PRIDE classes (a

27 hour long educational tutorial about adopting from DCF and learning

of the challenges ahead). They felt that nothing they learned they could

not handle. And then they waited. And they waited some more. More

time went by and they were not selected for a child. Allyson helped

them to expand their horizons concerning “what type of child” they felt

they could successfully parent and who could blend in with their family.

And then came the call from Allyson. Would they consider a medically

fragile little girl, 6 months old named Riley, who had been in the hospital

all her life? The Kalajainens talked about it long and hard. After careful

reflection and talking about what taking on this challenge would mean

to their family, Jackie and Kim “were very hesitant but felt we needed to

give this girl a chance in life.” They could handle a G-tube, ventilator,

oxygen, anything thrown at them as long as they had help. They knew

through Cooper’s experience that wonderful resources were out there

and they would use every offered hand available.

Then came the scrutiny of DCF, Riley’s doctors, the respiratory nurses

and anyone else involved with Riley’s care. They met the nurses at the

PICU at CCMC. Everyone agreed. The Kalajainens were the right family

for Riley. And Jackie and Kim knew they were, too. The couple wanted

Cooper to meet Riley and he agreed; she would become his sister.

Jackie and Kim spent days and nights at the hospital, caring for Riley,

providing her G-tube feedings, as well as ventilator care and administer-

ing her oxygen under the watchful eyes and expert advice of the nursing

staff. Jackie admits being “a little afraid” of Riley at first but now laughs

and says, “What was so scary?” Kimberly, who has asthma, was never

put off by a little wheeze, having experienced it firsthand.

Introducing Riley! The couple visited Riley daily and when they were unable to go

to the hospital, their families took over so that Riley had visits with her

new extended family. Finally they got the clearance: Riley could go

home. Certainly there were many challenges when Riley came home.

Her room was turned into a science lab, filled with the machines she

would need to help her in her recovery. Respiratory nursing care was

provided day and night to help the Kalajainens and to offer respite.

Riley, born under two pounds, is, according to Jackie and Kim,

“a spitfire”! Riley walked at 18 months but quickly learned to run. She

knows some sign language to communicate since she still has the trach

in her neck. Riley will have surgery in the spring to repair the damage

done to her windpipe. Jackie and Kim are not sure what the outcome of

Riley’s tracheal surgery will be, as talking is not a guarantee at all.

However, Riley should be able to breathe through her nose and mouth

and will no longer require the trach tube. Birth to Three has recently

come to evaluate Riley and the Speech Therapist talked about very slow

speech development for Riley. Because of her prematurity, Riley may not

understand how to use her vocal cords, oral muscles, etc. to learn to

speak. Let’s skip the next part, though, past the medical scares, the

concerns, the surgeries, and focus instead on the family.

The Kalajainens were concerned that Riley might not bond to

them but this turned out to not be so. Riley is as bonded to her mother’s

as any child could be. Riley is outgoing, spirited, loves to laugh, dances,

enjoys music and adores her big brother, Cooper. He, in turn, wants to

bring Riley into his class at school to show off his little sister. Being the

youngest child in her church community, Riley was given the honor of

playing Baby Jesus on Christmas Eve. The Kalajainens have gone out to

eat as a family, medical equipment and all. They admit they attract quite

a bit of attention when they go on these outings. They vacationed on

Block Island last summer and had to put numerous services in place

before they could even leave their home. Jackie is a stay at home

mother, and like most woman, rejoices when Kimberly comes home from

work to take over. Such a nice, loving and joyful family!

Story Continued on page 7

Page 3

n CT Adoption Services n 2 Clinic Drive n Norwich, CT n 860.886.7500 n www.ctadoptions.org

The annual CT Association of Foster & Adoptive Parents (CAFAP) Conference is being held on May 1-2 at the Mystic Marriot. All foster

and adoptive parents (both pre- and post- adoption) can attend for free. Friday’s workshops are geared more for professionals and

Saturday’s programs are tailored for parents. See www.CAFAP.com.

REQUIRED CONTINUING EDUCATION FOR FAMILIES ADOPTING THROUGH DCF:

CAFAP also offers 26 modules of classes for foster and adoptive parents with children from the CT foster care system. Classes are free

and are held across the state at various locations. All classes listed for Norwich are held at our office. See www.CAFAP.com for the

full listing of classes. ** If you register for a class, be sure to call and confirm it the day before to make sure the class is still being

held, as they sometimes end up cancelling if there are not enough people signed up.

*REMINDER: ALL FAMILIES WHO ARE IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTING THROUGH DCF ARE REQUIRED TO OBTAIN 18 HOURS PER

YEAR OF CONTINUING EDUCATION. Families can take “Post-Pride” courses through CAFAP, on-line courses through Foster Par-

ent College (WCS will pay their fees for these on-line classes- ask your CAS caseworker for details), or attend other relevant seminars.

Families should start taking courses after finishing their HS and should begin with the more general courses, like those about discipline,

then narrow in on more specific ones once the child arrives.

Training Opportunities

Page 4

n CT Adoption Services n 2 Clinic Drive n Norwich, CT n 860.886.7500 n www.ctadoptions.org

There is a new state contribution through the Connecticut Higher Education Trust (CHET) program: For parents who have accounts for

their children, they can get up to $250 from the state of CT for babies under 12 months old or are under the 1 year anniversary from the

date of their adoption. Here's the link for more information:

https://www.hartfordfunds.com/dam/en/docs/pub/CollegeSavings/CSP820CHETa.pdf

The Adoption Expense Tax Credit, which was made permanent in 2013, increased in accordance with the cost of living, reports the

American Academy of Adoption Attorneys. The maximum for 2014 is $13, 190 per child adopted or adoption attempt. Taxpayers with a

modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) of $197,880 or less can claim the full credit. The credit phases out completely at MAGI of

$237,880.

For more information visit: www.nacac.org or www.irs.gov

Adoption Tax Credit for 2014

New College Savings Account Opportunity for Adopted Children:

SHARE YOUR STORY! Have you ever wanted to share your family’s adoption journey, discuss adoption issues or just write about a

special moment with your adoptive child??? We would LOVE to share those moments with the friends of WCS

who really want to know. If you have a blog, like to write, or want to share real-life adoption moments with the

world….consider writing for us! We are always looking for great news to share on Facebook and on our blog. If

you can volunteer some of your time to write on specific topics or just send some great news and a pic-

ture….we would love to use it in our social outlets. There are lifechanging moments happening everyday in our

foster care and adoption programs. Help us share them!

Contact: Elena French (Foster Care & Adoption Recruiter)

efrench@waterfordcs.org or 860.886.7500 x170

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Waterford-Country-School-Foster-Care-and-Adoption-

Services/170640352965891?ref=hl

Blog: https://

wcsfostercare.wordpress.com/

$5,000 TO $15,000

Community Foundation of Eastern Connecticut

Frank Loomis Palmer Fund

Pfizer Community Grant Program

$1,000 to $4,999

The Huisking Foundation, Inc.

Altrusa International, Inc.

Bodenwein Public Benevolent Foundation

The James P. & Mary E. Shea Perpetual Trust

$500 to $999

Colchester Lions Charities, Inc.

Our Sincere Thanks to all who donated to Project Connecticut’s Child in 2014

Page 5

n CT Adoption Services n 2 Clinic Drive n Norwich, CT n 860.886.7500 n www.ctadoptions.org

INDIVIDUAL DONORS INSTITUTIONAL DONORS

Adoptive & Birth families enjoying our Annual Picnic in July

$100 to $499

Jake & Amanda Shanks

Mark & Tiffany Silva

Up to $99

William & Clarissa McDonough

Adoptive Parent Support Groups in SE CT:

Lifebook/Scrapbook Group:

Alana Jones meets with several adoptive,

pre-adoptive, and foster parents every

month here at Clinic Drive to work on Life-

books/Scrapbooks and discuss the ups and

downs in their families. Therefore, it is not

only a Lifebooking session, but also an infor-

mal support group. The group meets every

3rd Saturday starting at 5p.m. and it usually

lasts for a few hours. They usually will order

food to be delivered (each person pays for

their own meal). Each participant brings

his/her own supplies, but the members also

share supplies. Contact Alana at (860) 710-

1593 or for more information on this sup-

port group.

Book Discussion Group:

Elena French leads a book discussion group

at the Clinic Drive office. The next meeting

will be on March 25 and the book that will

be discussed is “Get out of my life but first

could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?”.

This group usually meets on a quarterly ba-

sis. The next book will be “Throwaway Girl”

and that meeting will be held on July 22.

Books that the group has read in the past

year include: Three Little Words, Orphan

Train, The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog,

The Language of Flowers, and Another Place

at the Table. This group has been very popu-

lar and is open to all foster and adoptive

parents. They do provide dinner, so an RSVP

is appreciated. If you’re interested in learn-

ing more, email Elena at

efrench@waterfordcs.org call her at (860)

886-7500 x170.

Medical Insurance for Adopted Children- if

you recently had an infant placed in your

home through private adoption and your in-

surance company has denied coverage from

the date of placement, read this article for

more information: “It’s the Law: Why Your

Health Insurance Company Must Cover Your

Children” by Mark T. McDermott [http://

www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?

aid=248]

The Connecticut Adoption Community

Network (CACN) recently updated their list of

all the adoption support groups and adoption-

competent therapists in Connecticut. If you

are interested in learning more, see their

comprehensive website: www.ctadoption.org

Touched by Adoption in Fairfield offers

many groups for children and counseling-

see www.touchedbyadoption.net

Kate’s Online Support Group:

If you are not part of Kate’s group yet, it’s not

too late! Kate Hodgkins is one of our past

adoptive parents and was also one of our

foster parents for infants. She has been vol-

unteering by helping other parents with their

adoption journeys for over 12 years now!

Kate has given encouragement and informa-

tion to 100s of families. The group is confi-

dential and is not monitored by any CAS staff

members. If you are interested in joining,

please send Kate an email:

simplired12@gmail.com and put “adoption

group” in the subject line. She will then send

you an invitation to join the group.

Other Support Groups in SE CT:

Hearts, Hands, and Homes sponsors two

groups. These groups focus on families

who are adopting children from the state

foster care system. See their website at

www.heartshandsandhomes.org.

Questions: Alana Jones (860) 710-1593.

Parent Support Group - 3rd Wed. 6:30-

8:30pm, WCS 2 Clinic Drive, Norwich

(childcare available, RSVP)

The second group meets in Groton, CT.

Support Groups & Counseling Services in

Waterbury, CT

The Annie C. Courtney Foundation has an

adoption support group that meets at

their office in Waterbury on the 3rd

Wednesday of each month at 6 p.m.

All post-adoption families are wel-

come! They also hold groups for rela-

tives as parents, sponsor “Beyond

Consequences” classes, and offer full

counseling services. See their website

for details: www.aniec.org

Support Groups throughout CT:

If you are seeking a group in other parts of

the state, please visit the Connecticut

Adoption Community Network website for a

full schedule: www.ctadoption.org

Resources and Support Groups

2 Clinic Drive

Norwich, CT 06360

Phone: 860-886-7500 (x355)

Fax: 860-886-0500

E-mail: CTadoptions@waterfordcs.org

ABOUT CONNECTICUT ADOPTION SERVICES

Connecticut Adoption Services (CAS) was established in 1989 to help

the Dept. of Children & Families find families for the many foster

children waiting for adoptive parents. CAS was fully licensed as an

adoption agency in 1994, at which time services were expanded.

Since then, CAS has been helping with the adoption of children of

all ages and races throughout the United States. We provide home

studies, educational training, and post-placement services for all

types of adoption. We counsel pregnant women considering placing

children for adoption and we place infants born in Connecticut into

adoptive families. In April 2013, CAS joined with Waterford Coun-

try School and now operates as one of their many community pro-

grams.

Newsletter

Introducing Riley!

Continued from page 3

Riley’s adoption was finalized after eleven months and the family celebrated. The Kalajainens have a semi-open adoption with

Riley’s birth family and share pictures and updates via email. The couple has started Riley’s Lifebook and is delighted to be able to fill it with

pictures and letters from Riley’s birth family. The Kalajainens see themselves as just another family with days filled with the ups and downs

of parenthood.

Jackie and Kim want all to know that they could not have done this adoption without the undying support of their CAS social worker,

Allyson, who provided post placement services, and the scores of agencies and nurses who became a part of their lives. Adopting a medi-

cally complex child is no easy task but Jackie and Kim rose to the occasion with strength, love and a positive attitude. Riley is indeed in the

right family and her future is bright.

PCC recruits families for children in state foster care. Not all of the children are medically complex, but this is the route the Kala-

jainens chose to travel. PCC is in need of families who are considering adopting older children. . . .do you have the curiosity to learn more?

Please contact Sandra Couillard, LCSW, Director of Adoption Services at 860-886-7500 (x355) to learn more about the informational ses-

sions held monthly at six locations across Connecticut. There may be a child out there who really needs you.

A big thank you to the Kalajainens for opening their home to me for this interview. Riley and Cooper are really great kids!

Three Little Words: A Memoir – 2009

by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

An inspiring true story of the tumultuous nine years Ashley Rhodes-Courter spent in the foster care system, and how she triumphed over

painful memories and real-life horrors to ultimately find her own voice.

For parents to share with their relatives & friends:

"In on it: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption" by Elizabeth O'Toole (2010)

To learn more about this resource & to order- see www.inonadoption.com

For more resources, please check out our website page “Resources for Adoptive Parents”

WCS Kabaret For Kids

You are invited to our annual WCS banquet and fund-

raiser. It’s a way for the community to gather and

celebrate all the work that is done for children and

families at WCS. There will be a silent & live auction,

gourmet food, live entertain-

ment and special perform-

ances. Attire is semi-formal.

5:30pm at Mohegan Sun

Casino Uncas Ballroom

For tickets contact Julianna

Velazquez (860) 442-9454

x105 or www.waterfordcs.org

KABARET FOR KIDS!!! SAVE THE DATE!!

Connecticut Adoption Servicesa program of WATERFORD COUNTRY SCHOOL

BOOKS WORTH CHECKING OUT!!!

Annual Family Picnic

Saturday July 11, 2015

11am—2:30pm

Rain Date: July 18th