Conflict Management Skills

Principals / Vice-Principals

November 2014

T. DAmico

Our Schools are Happy places...

Conflict Management

You may find that staff are not happy ... all the time!

Conflict is part of being human...

Share examples of conflicts between adults in a school...

Your Answers

Adult Interactions in schools

The Happy staff member...

I live under a black cloud staff member...

Mental and Physical

Reactions to Conflict

How do most people deal with conflict? Avoidance

Panic Button

Dealing with adult conflict is hard work!

Youre not a teacher anymore....

Principal / VP

Conflict Quotes

There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away from these people. The battle theyre fighting isnt with you, its with themselves. - Rashida Rowe

The P/VP cant hide when conflict occurs

Discuss: Is Conflict always a bad thing?

Your Answers

Some Benefits of Conflict

Innovative strategies

New knowledge

Different perspectives

How is this related to conflict?

Peace does not mean an absence of conflicts; differences will always

be there. Peace means solving these differences through peaceful

means; through dialogue, education, knowledge; and

through humane ways. Dalai Lama XIV

The goal in a school is not to avoid all conflict but to keep

it constructive

When to get involved?

Dont sweat the small stuff!

Is the school work environment being disrupted?

Will there be a negative impact on students?

Will this issue likely work itself out?

Is there a potential threat of violence?

Conflict Quotes

The aim of argument and of discussion, should not be victory, but progress - Joseph Joubert

Principals / VPs make quick decisions

Resolving Conflicts

You cant always de-escalate someone who has lost it

Will logic work when the other person is emotional?

Role Play Activity

1. Mentor / Mentee

2. One person is P/VP

3. Other person is Emotional Parent

4. One person is Observer

Role Play Pick either scenario

Elementary Secondary

According to parent...

Kindergarten child came home and told parent that the teacher hit him when he ran out of the line coming in from recess. I want the teacher removed today!

According to parent...

Son was suspended 3 days for defending himself when another boy jumped him for no reason outside at lunch he will now miss the football championship game I want him to play

Find alternatives to these...

You need to calm down

I heard what you said, BUT, thats not what happened

Youre yelling, and I deserve to be treated with respect this meeting is over

Careful with what you say... Its not safe to play with fire!

Emotions first - then problem solve Avoid triggers that add fuel to the fire Acknowledge the emotions Dont get pulled into a fight Clarify your role Focus on the problem Use time to your advantage Active Listening change but to and

Conflict Quotes

10% of conflicts are due to difference in opinion. 90% are due to wrong tone of voice - author unknown

Manage your Emotions

Understand the other persons story / perspective

Puzzle solving mode before Problem solving Show empathy to show active listening Help others to solve their problem Dont jump to a solution right away listen! If you are involved, look for collaborative

solutions

Discuss: What are some causes of conflict?

Your Answers

8 Cause of Conflict

Conflicting Needs Conflicting Styles Conflicting Perceptions Conflicting Goals Conflicting Pressures Conflicting Roles Conflicting Values Conflicting Power or Policies

From: www.centerforworklife.com

Role Play Staff Conflict

According to an EA or ECE...

The classroom teacher treats her with no respect, always bossing her around and making her feel like her opinion doesnt count.

The EA/ECE also mentions that she is concerned for the welfare of the students since the teacher is always yelling at them and making them feel bad.

What do you think is the cause?

Conflicting Needs Conflicting Styles Conflicting Perceptions Conflicting Goals Conflicting Pressures Conflicting Roles Conflicting Values Conflicting Power or Policies

Do you talk more or listen more when trying to resolve conflict?

Conflict with your supervisor VP in conflict with Principal

Confronting Authority

Lessons from Crucial confrontations

See Pg. 232-233

People tend to err on the side of caution: Better to live with your existing circumstances than try to take corrective action, fail, and end up losing twice.

4 options:

1. Carp 2. Confront 3. Cope 4. Cut out

Lessons from Crucial confrontations If you want greater influence with a powerful and defensive person, what you typically need is not more power but more empathy... consider how the problem is affecting the other person as well as how its affecting you...

See Pg. 233

Role Play Conflict with your supervisor

You are feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, and challenged by the number of emails that your supervisor sends you each day and night and on the weekends. You are afraid of how he/she will react if you say anything.

Task: Confront your supervisor in a positive way show empathy to understand how the issue must be impacting them, and then enter into a collaborate problem solving discussion.

Handling an angry parent call Hang Up?

Allow the person to vent Take notes Summarize key points active listening Show empathy and share common goals If abusive / harassing direct to supervisor Avoid hanging up on the caller Plan an exit strategy

Establish a process to deal with Conflicts over the phone

Practice will improve active listening

...the space between thoughts as the place where insight can make itself known

Never mistake talking for conversation

Dont listen with the goal to respond, listen with the goal to understand

Challenging phone calls - an opportunity to practice!

See Pg. 219

Handling Email complaints

Angry.Bird@hotmail.com

Look familiar?

Handling Email Conflict Acknowledge receipt and provide timeline

for response

Summarize key points

Do not respond via email call or setup a face to face meeting

Get background information

Use conflict management strategies

If you suspend my kid, youll regret it!

Conflict Quotes

Whenever youre in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude - William James

Resolving Conflict In your school

Understand the type of conflict

Listen to understand both perspectives

Determine the needs of each person...

Work or Job function needs

Process / structure change needs

Relationship needs

Steps to managing conflict

If mediating staff in conflict:

Think about Power imbalances Consider meeting alone vs together Role of Union or Unions

Steps to conflict management

Step 1: Agree on Ground Rules No interrupting No personal attacks No swearing (depends on the parties) Confidentiality of discussions

Steps to managing conflict

If mediating staff in conflict: 1. Set ground rules

Agree on confidentiality and stay neutral

2. Give both a chance to tell their story Active listening, take notes, paraphrase

3. List all of the issues/concerns

Steps to managing conflict

If mediating staff in conflict: 4. Brainstorm multiple solutions to the issues 5. Agree on solutions (actions) and timelines

Solution comes from the staff in conflict Remember to check-in at a later date

Conflict Quotes

Youve got to know when to holdem, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, know when to run. - Kenny Rogers

Helping others manage Conflict

Foundation Advice Setting the tone and purpose of the

conversation Getting to the point and naming it

professionally Giving specific examples Describing the effect of this behaviour on

the school or colleagues or students Sharing your willingness to resolve the

issue and have a dialogue and discussion

See Pg. 64

Confront the issue not the person

Keep the Dignity of the Person in mind

You can be Professional without being Friends

Avoidance may help with value based differences

Compromise Look for win win solutions

Collaborate See each others side in a conflict to come to an agreement on how to proceed

Conflict Quotes

Conflict cannot survive without your participation - Wayne Dyer

Mediation Skill development

Help the parties come to a solution

Identify Issues Determine interests

Storytelling Brainstorming

Keep Learning Instructional practice will be impacted by an unhealthy workplace Leadership courses Conflict management courses Coaching courses Mediation workshops

Conflict Quotes

An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything. - Lynn Johnston

Questions

Conflict ManagementSkillsOur Schools areSlide Number 3Slide Number 4Slide Number 5Your AnswersAdult Interactionsin schoolsThe Happy staff member...I live under a black cloud staff member...Mental and Physical How do most peopledeal with conflict?Dealing with adult conflict is hard work!Conflict QuotesSlide Number 14Slide Number 15Your AnswersSlide Number 17Slide Number 18Slide Number 19The goal in a school is not to avoid all conflict but to keep it constructiveWhen to get involved?Dont sweat the small stuff!Slide Number 23Conflict QuotesPrincipals / VPs make quickdecisions You cant always de-escalatesomeone who has lost itWill logic work when the other person is emotional?Role Play Pick either scenarioFind alternatives to these...Careful with what you say...Its not safe to play with fire!Emotions first - then problem solveConflict QuotesManage your EmotionsSlide Number 34Your Answers8 Cause of ConflictRole PlayWhat do you think is the cause?Slide Number 39Conflict with your supervisorSlide Number 41Slide Number 42Role PlayHandling an angry parent callSlide Number 45Slide Number 46Handling Email complaintsLook familiar?Handling Email ConflictFeeling threatened - violence?Conflict QuotesResolving ConflictSlide Number 53Steps to managing conflictSteps to conflict managementSteps to managing conflictSteps to managing conflictConflict QuotesHelping others manage ConflictConfront the issue not the personYou can be Professional without being FriendsCompromiseCollaborateConflict QuotesMediationKeep LearningConflict QuotesQuestions