conflict management core course #14. personality type and how you manage conflict
TRANSCRIPT
THE GOLDEN RULE OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
YOU CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE. YOU CAN
ONLY CONTROL YOUR REACTIONS TO
THEM.
MYERS–BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR QUESTIONNAIRE
THE FOUR DICHOTOMIES
AttitudeExtravert vs
Introvert
Receiving InformationSensing vs Intuition
Decision MakingThinking vs
Feeling
Lifestyle PreferenceJudging vs Perceiving
ATTITUDE: EXTRAVERT VS INTROVERT“PROS”
ExtravertTalkative, outgoing,
likes fast paced environment, enjoys being the center of
attention
IntrovertReserved, Private,
Contemplative, likes to observe
FUNCTION: SENSING VS INTUITION“PROS”
Sensing
Sensing – Reality focused, pays attention,
practical, literal
Intuition
Imaginative, Poetic, Notices the big pictures and how it all connects
FUNCTION: THINKING VS FEELING“PROS”
Thinking
Logical, values justice and fairness, level
headed, reasonable
Feeling
Values harmony, forgiveness, warm,
empathetic
PREFERENCE: JUDGING VS PERCEIVING“PROS”
Judging
Detailed, scheduled, planned, respects rules
and deadlines
Perceiving
Flexible, spontaneous, prefers options,
surprises and new situations
EXTRAVERT VS INTROVERT“CONS”
Extravert May not listen enough Talks louder and faster,
clarify as they go If they can say "just one
more thing" it will be sorted - may say too much
Wants to talk about the problem NOW – gets frustrated or panicky
Extroverts can talk when they need to listen or think before speaking
Introvert May not say enough Most often at a disadvantage
when confronted- needs time to absorb information before responding
Likes advance notice of issues and time to prepare or rehearse
May want to withdraw when conflict takes them by surprise
Introverts can clam up or withdraw when talking is called for
SENSING VS INTUITION“CONS”
Sensing Likes to argue specific
facts. The search for truth may distract from what is important.
Prone to sidetrack the bigger issue by focusing on details of less relevant issues
More concerned with sorting out the present hurt or injustice than creating a better future
May miss the undercurrents of what lies beneath
Sensors can recite facts but don’t understand the bigger picture
Intuition Tends to make broad
generalizations. May inflate specific incident to sweeping patterns
Sees facts as nit-picking or irrelevant
May miss the obvious or forget inconvenient details
Prone to seeing the glass half empty
Intuitive Types can jump to conclusions and become a bit paranoid then fail to check facts
THINKING VS FEELING“CONS”
Thinking Tends to get too analytical Logical arguments may
have little to do with feelings involved
“try not to get too emotional” tactic–may miss emotional signals and needs
Tends to be disassociated or objective–seems cold and unsympathetic
Thinkers can insist on applying logic when sensitivity is needed.
Feeling Tends to personalize
everything- blames self or others and may overlook context
Views conflict as something to be avoided. Tends to reestablish harmony before conflict is resolved
Tells the story from the inside experience. Can’t stand back and observe the situation
May confuse facts with how they are feeling
Feelers can experience intense emotions and not be able to stand back from the conflict
PREFERENCE: JUDGING VS PERCEIVING“CONS”
Judging
Tends to see conflict in black and white and demands that others do the same
They know that is issue is right or wrong. Has difficulty changing their mind.
Fears losing control and are attached to their particular solution
Tends to come to closure before considering all the options
Judgers can close down the dialog when the going gets difficult
Perceiving
Tends to see to many options and can argue for both sides. Little is black and white.
Has trouble bringing conflict to a conclusion. There is always more information coming to light so there are more solutions to consider
May fail to give consideration to time pressures and priorities
May over-complicate and lose momentum for action
Perceivers can make mountains out of molehills and keep searching rather than face the obvious
USING PERSONALITY TYPES WHEN DEALING WITH CONFLICT
Consider how others are similar or different and how personality type helps or hinders
Use the model as a way to discuss differences before they generate personality conflicts
Recognize and maximize the benefit of each other’s preferred types
Be tolerant and minimize bad effects of less preferred types
Develop skills in all types especially your non-preferred type!
COMPROMISING:WIN SOME/LOSE
SOME
ACCOMMODATING
(SMOOTHING):LOSE/WIN
COMPETING(FORCING):WIN/LOSE
AVOIDING(WITHDRAWING):NO WINNERS/NO
LOSERS
COLLABORATING
WIN/WIN
Collaborating is an attempt to work with
others to find a WIN-WIN solution to the problem in
hand, satisfying both parties’ concerns.
COLLABORATING INVOLVES:1. Teamwork
2. Cooperation
TO:1. Achieve mutually beneficial results
2. Maintain relationships3. Solve a problem
4. Identify underlying concerns5. Meet each parties’ concerns
COLLABORATING HAS THE SYMBOL OF AN OWL
Have wisdom√ See things that are hidden
√ Observe√ Hear what is not spoken
Who! Who! Oh yes, yes—Let’s look at the board: Because we ...
When to use the Collaborating technique: √ When a high level of trust is present√ When consensus and commitment of other parties is important√ When you don’t want to have full responsibility and want others to have “ownership” of solutions√ When you need to work through animosity and hard feelings√ When those involved are willing to change their thinking as more information is foundand new options are suggested√ When a long-term relationship isimportant
ADVANTAGES OF COLLABORATING ¨ Leads to solving the actual problem¨ Win-Win outcome¨ Reinforces mutual trust and respect¨ Shared responsibility¨ Builds a foundation for collaboration in future¨ Earns you the reputation of a good negotiator
DISADVANTAGES OF COLLABORATING · Requires lots of time and energy· Some may take advantage of other people’s trust and openness· Requires commitment from all parties· Not practical when timing is crucial and quick solution is required
Accommodating (Smoothing) is an
I LOSE, YOU WIN attempt to working
toward a common purpose where concerns of others are
more important than one’s own concerns.
ACCOMMODATING INVOLVES:
1. Teamwork2. Appeasement
TO :
1. Achieve a common purpose2. Protect the relationship
3. Solve a problem4. Downplay conflict
Oh my? Bear with me.Because we are:1. Affectionate
2. Gentle3. Protective4. Comforting
ACCOMMODATING HAS THE SYMBOL OF A TEDDY BEAR
When to use the Accommodating technique: √ When an issue is not as important to you as it is to the other person√ When a temporary relief is needed from the conflict , not the right time√ When you accept and realize you are wrong√ When you have no choice, so the conflict will not be detrimental√ When you are willing to let others learn by mistake√ When harmony is extremely important√ When you know you cannot win
ADVANTAGES OF ACCOMMODATING • Smoothing helps protect more important interests while giving up on some less important ones• Gives an opportunity to reassess the situation from a different angle
DISADVANTAGES OF ACCOMMODATING • One’s own ideas do not get attention• Credibility and influence can be lost• Risk to being abused or taken advantage of• May negatively affect your confidence in your ability to respond to an aggressive opponent• Some of your supporters may not like your smoothing response and be turned off
Compromising is a YOU WIN SOME, I WIN
SOMEor
YOU BEND, I BEND attempt to look for an
expedient and mutually acceptable solution
satisfying both parties.
COMPROMISING INVOLVES:1. Teamwork2. Equality
TO :
1. Serve the common good2. Ensure each person
maintains some of their original position
3. Solve a problem
Hee-hee-hee. Well let’s just see. What does the Fox say?
We are:1. Intelligent
2. Quick3. Charming4. Clever/sly
5. Looking for opportunities.
COMPROMISING HAS THE SYMBOL OF A FOX
When to use the Compromising technique: √ When winning something while losing a little is ok√ When people of equal status are equally committed to goals√ When time can be saved by reaching temporary settlements on complex issues√ When goals are moderately important√ When you need to reach expedient solutions on important issues√ When the parties do not know each other well
ADVANTAGES OF COMPROMISING •Faster issue resolution•Can provide a temporary solution while still •looking for a permanent solution•Lowers the level of tension and stress resulting from the conflict
DISADVANTAGES OF COMPROMISING •Both parties may not be satisfied with outcome•Important values and long-term objectives may be derailed•Does not contribute to building trust in the long run•May not work if initial demands are too great•Can spawn distrust, especially if there’s no commitment to honor the compromised solutions
COMPETING INVOLVES:1. Force
2. Competition
TO :1. Pursue one’s own concerns
2. Use power to win if goals are extremely important3. Solve a problem
Look here-do I really need to answer that question? We are of course:
1. Powerful2. Fearless3. Strong4. Know how to Adapt and
Survive
COMPETING HAS THE SYMBOL OF A SHARK
When to use the Competing technique: √ When you know you are right√ When time is short and a quick decision is needed√ When a strong personality is trying to steamroll you and you don’t want to be taken advantage of√ When you need to stand up for your rights/ force your concerns√ When all other techniques fail
ADVANTAGES OF COMPETING •May provide a quick resolution to a conflict•May increase self-esteem•May draw respect when firm resistance is a response to an aggression or hostility
DISADVANTAGES OF COMPETING •Can escalate conflict•Losers may retaliate•May negatively affect your relationship with opponent •Cannot take advantage of the strong sides of the other’s position•May require a lot of energy and be exhausting to some
Avoiding (Withdrawing) is a
NO WINNERS, NO LOSERS attempt to look for a
solution when a person does not want to pursue or address the concerns or to
postpone the conflict.
AVOIDING INVOLVES:1. Withdrawing2. Postponing
TO :
1. Not address the conflict when it presents itself
2. Solve a problem3. Take time for resolution
I just can’t answer that right now. But I will try?Turtles are :1. Slow-moving2. Can withdraw for protection3. Patient4. Want to be independent
AVOIDING HAS THE SYMBOL OF A TURTLE
When to use the Avoiding technique: √ When the conflict is small and not worth the effort√ When more important issues are pressing√ When you do not have time to deal with the conflict or need more time (Withdraw)√ When you cannot handle the conflict (ex. are too emotionally involved or others can handle better) √ When you have no power and see no chance of getting your concerns met√ When more information is needed
ADVANTAGES OF AVOIDING
•May need to withdraw or postpone if conflict •becomes aggressive•Low stress approach when conflict is short•Gives more time to better prepare and collect •Information•Gives the ability to focus on more important/urgent conflicts/issues instead
DISADVANTAGES OF AVOIDING •Important decisions may be made by default•Postponing may make matters worse•May lead to weakening/losing your position •May negatively affect your relationships with other parties that expect you to act
Conflict management techniques do work in all situations and are important aspects of the workplace. Whatever technique you use, be assured that the interests, needs, goals or values of the parties involved can be resolved. Don’t ignore conflict; address it; solve it;
and let it go!“You can't solve problems until you understand the other side." –Jeffrey Manber”“We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface hidden tension that is already alive”―Martin Luther King Jr.
We all can conquer
conflict! So let’s get to it!
Active Listening
• Allow the person to express their opinion/issue/argument—a chance to vent.
• Connect with the person by letting them know you understand the emotion behind the words and recognize their point of view.
• Pay attention and focus on what’s being said.
Common Barriers to Listening
• Mentally preparing a response
• Faking attention to what’s being said
• Thinking you already know what they are going to say
• Personal bias or concern
Body Language Interpretation (Yours and Theirs)
• Send a positive message• Make eye contact
• Sit forward or stand straight
• Nod your head as an acknowledgement
• Sending a negative message• Arms crossed
• Eye rolling
• Placing hands on hips
• Raised voice
Show Respect
• Encourage the mindset that the other person’s perspective may be valid
• Show that you value the other person’s opinion or point of view
• Keep a positive attitude
• Focus on the issue (not the person) and BE HONEST!!
Don’t fear conflict; embrace it—it’s a big part of your job. Conflict in the workplace is unavoidable and will find you whether you look for it or not.
“Responsibilities gravitate to the person who can shoulder them; power flows to the man who
knows how.”
~Elbert Hubbard