Conflict Management

Arguing -- Is usually a battlefield for a

bigger issue.

What is conflict?• A battle, contest or opposing forces existing

between primitive desires and moral, religious or ethical ideas ( Webster’s Dictionary)

• A state of incompatibility of ideas between two or more parties or individuals

• Conflict is “an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scare resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals” (Wilmot and Hocker, 1998)

• Conflicts exist whenever incompatible activities occur

Conflict management is the practice of identifying and handling conflict in a sensible, fair and efficient manner

Functional and Dysfunctional Conflict• Functional conflict contributes to the

achievement of the goals of the group or the organization. Functional conflict should be nurtured, if not encouraged.

• Dysfunctional conflict impedes the organization from accomplishing its goals. Dysfunctional conflict should be reduced or removed.

Philosophies of Conflict Management

• Traditional Philosophy: All conflicts are negative and potentially destructive for the organization. Conflict should be eliminated.

• Behavioral Philosophy: Conflict is inevitable in organizations and should be accepted as a part of organizational life.

Philosophies of Conflict Management (cont.)

• Interactionist Philosophy:

– Conflict is essential to the survival of the organization.

– Conflict should not only be accepted but encouraged in organizations.

– Effective conflict management includes both stimulation and reduction of conflict.

– Conflict management is a major responsibility of the manager.

Myths or Misconceptions About Conflict:

1. Harmony is normal and conflict is abnormal.

2. Conflict is the result of personality differences.

3. Conflict and disagreements are the same.

Causes of Conflict• Personal Differences

• Informational Deficiency

• Role Incompatibility

• Environmental Stress– Scarcity– Uncertainty

Types of conflict• Inter-personal and intra-personal

• Inter-group and intra-group

• Competitive and Disruptive

Types of Conflict• Conflict of ideas

– Dooley and Fryxell (1999) found that conflict of ideas at the early stage of decision making (idea formulation) was desirable.

– That same conflict sometimes caused problems at a later stage when the ideas actually had to implemented.

• Conflict of feelings (often called personality conflict)

Types of Conflict• Opposition and Support

Conflict ProcessAntecedent conditions

Perceived conflict Felt Conflict

Manifest behavior

Conflict ResolutionOr Suppression

Resolution aftermath

Pondy’s Stages• Latent conflict: There is no actual conflict; however,

the potential for conflict to arise is present because of the sources of conflict previously identified.

• Perceived conflict: Each party searches for the origins of the conflict, defines why the conflict is emerging, analyzes the events that led to its occurrence, and constructs a scenario that accounts for the problems it is experiencing with other parties.

• Felt conflict: The parties in conflict develop negative feelings about each other.

• Manifest conflict: One party decides how to react to or deal with the party that it sees as the source of the conflict, and both parties try to hurt each other and thwart each other’s goals.

• Conflict aftermath: Every conflict episode leaves a conflict aftermath that affects the way both parties perceive and respond to a future conflict episode.

Unresolved Conflict is a Vicious Circle

Relationship degenerates into a power struggle.

Playing games (If it weren’t for you…, Look how hard I’ve tried…, Develops “ritual

impasse”, stuck at the same point (refusing to talk after working so hard.

Destroys the problem-solving process

In the end, the relationship fails because neither persons needs are met.

Dealing with

Conflict

Interpersonal Dynamics

• Interpersonal dynamics – are the give and take behavior between people during human relations

• Interpersonal dynamics grow increasingly complex as more people interact

Key Topics of Interpersonal Dynamics

Transactional Analysis

Assertiveness

Conflict Management

Transactional Analysis (TA) • Method for determining how people

interact• When we interact, behavior can be:

–passive–aggressive–assertive

• Performance is greater with this behavior• TA is a method of understanding

behavior in interpersonal dynamics

TA: Ego States

• Major ego states that affect our behavior or the way we transact through communication:–Parent Ego State (P)

• Critical parent• Sympathetic parent

–Child Ego State (C)• Natural child• Adapted child

–Adult Ego State (A)

TA: Types of Transactions • Within ego states there are three

different types of transactions:

–Complementary Transactions

–Crossed Transactions

–Ulterior Transactions

Complementary Transactions

• Occur when the sender of the message gets the intended response from the receiver– Generally result in

more effective communication

Supervisor

P

A

C

P

A

C

Employee

Crossed Transactions

• Occur when the sender of a message does not get the expected response from the receiver– These result in

surprise, disappointment, and hurt feelings for the sender of the message

P

A

C

P

A

C

Supervisor Employee

Ulterior Transactions • Occur when the words seem to be coming

from one ego state, but in reality the words or behaviors are coming from another

– Sometimes when people don’t know what they want or how to ask for it in a direct way, they resort to ulterior transactions

– Best to avoid ulterior transactions because they tend to waste time

TA: Life Positions

I’m OK –You’re not OK

I’m OK –You’re OK

I’m not OK –You’re not OK

I’m not OK –You’re OK

Negative Positive

Attitude toward Others

Attit

ude

towa

rd O

nese

lf

Negative

Positive

TA: Stroking • Stroking – any behavior that

implies recognition of another’s presence–Positive – make people feel good

about themselves–Negative – can hurt people in some

way• Giving praise (positive stroking) is

a powerful motivation technique

Assertiveness • The process of expressing thoughts

and feelings while asking for what one wants in an appropriate way

• Present your message without falling into the traps of being:–“too pushy” (aggressive)–“not tough enough” (nonassertive-

passive)• Is becoming more global

Behaviors when dealing with a diversity of people:

PassiveBehavior

AggressiveBehavior

Passive-AggressiveBehavior

AssertiveBehavior

Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive Speakers:

Passive speakers: Use self-limiting qualifying expressions without stating their position / needs

Assertive speakers: State their position / needs without violating the rights of others

Aggressive speakers: State their position / needs while violating the rights of others using “you-messages” and absolutes

What is my conflict style?

Conflict Style• Not only is it important to know what

relationship or situation is causing conflict in our life, but it is also important to look at how we normally resolve conflict (our natural inclination).

• We must then decide whether we are satisfied with our current approach or if we would like to change it in some way to improve our effectiveness at conflict resolution.

Style Explanation

• Avoiding• Accommodating• Compromising• Competing• Collaborating

As you discovered through the conflict resolution assessment, our natural inclinations usually place us into one of these styles.

Style Explanation• Avoiding Style (-,-)

– If I ignore the problem, it will go away– If I confront the problem, I may hurt someone’s

feelings– Why bother… it won’t change anything

• Accommodating (-,+)– It’s easier to just give in and give them what

they want– You will be better liked if you just agree– By letting the other person win this time, you

will win next time… you have to pick your battles.

Style Explanation• Compromising Style (-,-)

– It’s only fair because then neither of us get what we want.

– Both parties are on an even playing field– We can choose to give up something we really

don’t need, thereby winning.• Competing Style (+,-)

– I’m right and you’re wrong– There is only one solution

• Collaborating (+,+)– We can find a solution that works for both of

us.– By asking the other person’s perspective, I can

understand them.– Once we find a common ground, we can work

from there.

Conflict Style If you find yourself adopting a

conflict style that you’re not happy about…

1. Analyze why you have adopted that style.

2. Develop some simple action steps that will help you break your habit.

3. Read on for helpful tips that will guide you through various conflict situations.

Summary of Conflict Management Styles Forcing Conflict Style: User attempts to resolve conflict by using aggressive behavior

Avoiding Conflict Style: User attempts to passively ignore the conflict rather than resolve it

Accommodating Conflict Style:

User attempts to resolve conflict by passively giving in to the other party

Compromising Conflict Style: User attempts to resolve the conflict through assertive give-and-take concessions

Collaborating Conflict Style: User assertively attempts to jointly resolve the conflict with the best solution agreeable to all parties.The problem-solving style

Conflict Management Styles

Roles in Conflict Resolution

Initiator

Responder

Mediator

Initiating Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Plan to maintain ownership of the problem using the XYZ model

Step 2. Implement your plan persistently

Step 3. Make an agreement for change

The XYZ Model • The XYZ model describes a problem

in terms of behavior, consequences, and feelings:

“When you do X (behavior),Y (consequences) happens,and I have Z (feelings).”

Responding to Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Listen to and paraphrase the problem using the XYZ model

Step 2. Agree with some aspect of the complaint

Step 3. Ask for, and / or give, alternative solutions

Step 4. Make an agreement for change

Mediating Conflict Resolution

Step 1. Have each party state his or her complaint using the XYZ model

Step 2. Agree on the problem(s)

Step 3. Develop alternative solutions

Step 4. Make an agreement for change and follow up

Interpersonal Dynamics Styles

Exhibit 7.6

Your Personality and Interpersonal Dynamics

• People with the same personality type tend to get along better and have less conflict than those with different personality types

• If you have a high surgency personality –– watch your use of the critical parent ego state

– be sure to give lots of positive strokes to help human relations

– be careful not to use aggressive behavior to get what you want

Your Personality and Interpersonal Dynamics

• If you have a high agreeableness personality,– you tend to get along well with others

– be careful not to use the sympathetic parent ego state

– watch the appropriate use of the child ego state

• Adjustment – is about how well you deal with your emotions– especially anger

Your Personality and Interpersonal Dynamics

• There is a relationship between adjustment and openness to experience

– If you are not well adjusted, you are probably not open to experience

• If you are a high conscientious personality, you can still transact from the parent or child ego state

Determining the level of conflict in my life

Determining the source of conflict

At times you may sense conflict at work, but

not know exactly why.

The conflict self-assessment will help you to pinpoint the specific area in which you are experiencing conflict so that you can begin to resolve it. The areas addressed are supervisor, self, peers, employees, and productivity.

Do you ever use…• Extreme or irrational tactic to gain your point

(slamming doors, stomping around)?• Hurt remarks to have the last word (sarcasm,

name calling)?• The Silent treatment• Withdraw to a safe distance because you do not

like to argue?• Store up grudges and use later (revenge)?• My way or no way attitude?• Get angry, criticize, or some other aggressive

behavior?• Give in; “I guess you are right”, submissive

behavior to avoid conflict.• Deny or pretend that “everything is okay

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above you are not “fighting fair” and you are creating an interaction pattern of “I win, you lose”.

One-to-one Conflict

If you want to constructively resolve a conflict with another

person…• FIRST, get into the right frame of mind

for a positive discussion, always remembering to treat the other person with respect

• SECOND, agree on the best time and place for both of you to discuss the conflict with each other.

• THIRD, Set some ground rules.

• FOURTH, have a discussion.

Step 1:

Adopt the right frame of mind

The Approach

• Go in with the right attitude• Send positive non-verbal signals• Focus on the real issues• Pay attention to communication style

When you are ready to approach the other person remember to:

Your AttitudeLeave Behind…• Your desire to win,

punish, or control• Your desire that

everything be “fair”• Your assumption that it

won’t work• Your tendency to think in

“black and white”, “right or wrong”

• Your determination to be right.

Take With You…• A willingness to work at

this• An understanding that

“perception is reality” both for you and those around you.

• A willingness to learn from the situation

• A willingness to see and acknowledge your own contribution to the problem.

Be aware of your nonverbal signals:

• 7 % of the words used;

• 38% on voice quality; and

• 55% on nonverbal communication

Others impression of you is based on:

Focus on underlying Issues• What happened?

– Difference in expectations:• What did I expect to happen?; What actually

happened? Who did what?– Intention inventory (Who meant what?)

• Feelings– Don’t ignore or fail to acknowledge– Feelings make relationships enjoyable and

difficult conversations difficult (can’t have one without the other!)

• Identity– Must face ourselves as well as other person– Am I competent?; Am I a good person?; Am I

worthy of love?

Communication TipsAvoid “you” statementsFocus on behavior, not employeeFocus on actions, not intentBe descriptive and specific (bring

data)Practice active listening skillsAsk open and closed questions to

clarify points

Step 2:

Consider time factors

Be Timely:

talk to the other person while the issues are still current

Anger and negative feelingstend to fester if not dealt with quickly!!

Consider the other person’s time needs

• Don’t interrupt the other person’s schedule and state that you need to talk

• Agree on a time to meet with the other person and inform him/her of the topic.

• Give him/her time to prepare mentally.

Step 3:

Set some ground rules!

3 “Golden” Rules

1. Everyone tells it like they see it.

2. Get everything on the table.

3. Focus on the future.

Sample Rules for discussion

• No interruptions• No yelling• Time limit on certain topics

of discussion• Words to avoid• Agreement on what to do if

you can’t agree ahead of time

In addition to general rules, it is helpful to agree on how you will talk with each other

Step 4:

The Actual Discussion

The Actual Conversation1. Define the conflict.2. Communicate

understanding.3. Explore alternative

solutions.4. Agree on most workable

solution.5. Evaluate after time.

Define the Conflict Describe the problem in clear,

concrete terms. Be specific (use “I” not “you”)

Focus on behaviors or problems, not people

Talk about the impact on you

Define the conflict as a problem to solve together, not a battle to be won

2. Communicate Understanding

Listen to really understand the other person’s feelings, needs, Reflect back.

– Explain how you see the problem after you have heard them.

– Identify your contribution to the situation.

– Describe feelings (not judgments or accusations)

– Talk about identity issues.

3. Explore alternative solutions- Take turns offering alternative solutions.

List them all.

– Be nonjudgmental of other’s ideas.

– Examine the consequence of each solution.

– Think and talk positively.

4. Agree on most workable solution

- Agree on a solution you both understand and can live with.

– Be committed to resolving the conflict

5. Evaluate after time

Get together after some time and see how the new

arrangement is working for both parties

Tips in difficult Situations

• Pacing: one approximates the behavior of the other person to subconsciously build rapport.

• “Mental Aikido”: mentally moving away from the focal point of the adversary’s attack. Make a non-linear response to the adversary’s words. “Sharks expect you to react.”

• “Patterned interruption”: involves varying your usual response. “You have the capacity to interrupt the usual destructive pattern by doing something completely different or unexpected.”

Resolving Group Conflict

Meeting Conflict 1. If you sense a spoken or unspoken

conflict in a meeting over an issue, address it. “There seems to be some disagreement over this issue. Can we take a few minutes to clarify the issue.

2. Clarify the conflict. “O.K. so there seems to be some

disagreement over…….”

3. Decide if there is time to deal with it today or if another meeting needs to be set up to give it full attention.

“Since this seems to be quite an important issue and we don’t have much time today. Let’s agree to meet again to discuss it further. Can we meet on….”

4. If another meeting is necessary, assign responsibility for gathering more information on the subject to staff.

“Sue, can you please research information on…. And Diane can you please check on that State mandate.”

5. Insist employees let it go until the next meeting.

“We have a lot of other issues to discuss today so let’s free our minds of this issue until the set meeting and move on.”

Group Resolution1. Restate the issue to ensure clarity.

2. Have each group member, share information gathered and give his/her opinion.

3. Make sure everything is put on the table (no unresolved feelings popping up later)

4. Brainstorm alternatives

5. Agree on best solution using team decision-making steps (see reference list at end)

6. Develop action steps.

7. Agree on follow-up session.

Be aware of your own behavior1. Allowing aggressive or

inappropriate conduct without taking action can foster a hostile or intimidating work environment.

2. Decision-making without employee input or participation can lead to frustrated employees who don’t feel valued as anything but “worker bees.”

3. Your staff looks to you to assist in resolving conflicts. You are better equipped to resolve conflicts if both you and your staff have had conflict resolution training.

4. If you are inconsistent or unpredictable, your employees will be unsure of your expectations and become frustrated.

5. Engaging in relationships with your employees that are personal or too informal may lead to misunderstandings, as well as other employees feeling alienated.

Lookout for Signs of discontentment

• A usually outgoing, communicative employee becomes withdrawn and quiet.

• An employee frequently comes in late for work.

• An employee is more argumentative and erratic than usual.

• An employee suddenly takes no interest in maintaining his or her personal appearance or hygiene.

• An employee makes comments about violent means of dealing with, or coping with, a particular situation.

• An employee talks about “having nothing to lose” or not caring about anything anymore.

Game Theory• Game theory puts people into the

mixed-motive situation.– Covey (1990) in The Seven Habits of

Highly Successful People refers to the scarcity mentality versus the abundance mentality.• The scarcity mentality leads us to resent

the success of others.• The abundance mentality allows us to think

of situations in which everybody can win.

Conflict Management• Blake and Mouton (1970) have

proposed a scheme whereby we can try to avoid win-lose situations and, when possible, apply a win-win approach.– the hands-off approach, also called

avoidance.– accommodation, is excessively person-

oriented.

Unilateral negotiation strategies

They include:

• The trusting collaboration strategy.– Both substance and relationship are important to the

manager\

• The open subordination strategy. – Substance is not important to the manager but

relationship is• The firm competition strategy.

- Substance is important to the manager but not relationship• The active avoidance strategy.

- Neither substance outcome nor relationship is important to the manager.

Interactive negotiation strategies

• Trusting collaboration• Principled negotiation• Firm competition• Soft competition• Open subordination• Focused subordination• Active avoidance• Passive avoidance• Responsive avoidance

Conflict Management• Fisher, Ury, and Patton (1991) outline

four principles that compose principled negotiation.

– Separate the people from the problem.

– Focus on interests, not positions.

– Invent options for mutual gain.

– Seek objective criteria.

Blake and Mouton’s Conflict Grid

Toward Conflict Management—Practical Tips

Walker and Harris (1995) offer the following practical tips for implementing the 9,9 style. Encouraging behavior occurs when a team member:

1. Avoids feelings or perceptions that imply the other person is wrong or needs to change.

2. Communicates a desire to work together to explore a problem or seek a solution.

3. Exhibits behavior that is spontaneous and destruction-free.

Toward Conflict Management—Practical Tips

4. Identifies with another team member’s problems, shares feelings, and accepts the team member’s reaction.

5. Treats other team members with respect and trust.

6. Investigates issues rather than taking sides on them.

– The same principles can be applied to negotiating with others outside your team, or with a supplier or customer.

Toward Conflict Management• Tubbs, Kryska, and Cooper (1997) propose that

one frequent source of conflict is the leadership struggle between superior and subordinate in decision making.

– The Continuum of Decision-Making Behavior has been described as including four styles of decision making:• Tells• Sells• Consults• Joins

• To conclude conflict management technique looks for WIN-WIN situation for both the parties

Thank you