Conflict, Influence and Problem SolvingGr. 12 Families in Canada

Intro

•Couples in satisfying relationships are able to make decisions jointly and to agree on solutions to their problems

•They develop strategies by negotiating everyday details and establishing a shared meaning, or a mutual understanding of what their relationship means, in the early stage

Conflict in Relationships

•Conflict means the opposition of incompatible needs and principles

•The changing roles of men and women in a diverse post-industrial society, such as Canada, result in three related dilemmas for couple relationships▫Individual vs. collective interest▫Women’s rights vs. male entitlement▫“mine” vs. “yours”

Top 10 Things People Say Add Tension to Marriage

Finances36%

Children9%

Sharing Household Duties

5%

Lack of Communication5%

Personal Traits5%

Conflict5%

Personal Dif-ferences

4%

Anxiety about re-lationship

4%

Careers3%

Extended Family members

3%Other21%

Areas of Conflict

Problems in Relationships• In a 2001 study on contemporary North

American Marriages, men and women who had taken a pre-marriage course with the Roman Catholic Church were asked to rate problems during the first five years of marriage

• In general, men and women identified the same issues:▫ Individual performance in the workplace vs.

collective responsibility as a couple▫Having enough money to afford the lifestyle a

couple wants is a problem many couples face▫Problems related to household tasks reflect the

conflict of traditional male entitlement and women’s rights

Power and Influence•Power is the ability to influence, at will, the

behaviour of someone else•Conflict theory explains that, in personal

relationships, the person who has resources that the other needs has more power

•https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs5ooRW6zFE

•The principle of least interest explains that the person with the least commitment in the relationship actually has the greatest power since the person with the greater commitment is ore likely to give in to maintain harmony

Prehistoric Relationships

Women’s reproductive

and nurturing Resources

Men’s support and

physical protection

Industrial SocietyWome

n Men

Needed $ to buy goods & services

Earned money

Worked

“unskilled”

Household work

Power and Influence cont’d•In contemporary relationships, the ability

to meet the social and emotional needs of another is a source of power that motivates individuals to reciprocate in meeting each others needs

•All individuals require power in order to influence each other

•Though it may be the ideal, few couples are truly egalitarian (equal)▫The actual balance of power does not

matter as much as the couple’s shared perception that they negotiate solutions together

Power and Influence cont’d•During childhood, boys are less likely to

accept others’ influence than girls are•Evolutionary psychology suggests:

▫boys are more biologically driven to compete to achieve an evolutionary advantage They become men who want to solve

problems alone▫Girls are more co-operative, so they are

more likely to accept others’ influence They become women who want to solve

problems together

Money, Housework and Power•In traditional marriages, the division of

labour, including the paid and unpaid work, was usually perceived by both partners as fair▫Symbolic interactionism men perceived

that they had greater power because they were stronger and smarter than women and had more money. Therefore, men were entitled to make the decisions

•Contemporary companionate couples expect their relationship to be based on an equal division of labour and decision making

A study on division of labour•The division of labour has become more

equal in Canadian marriages•As the total number of hours on paid work

has increased, couples are doing less domestic work

•Can the division of labour be divided 50/50?▫Is this possible to measure?▫Why is it important to determine whether

the division of labour is being divided equally?

Marriage

Career

Resolving conflict•Psychologist Pamela Regan identified

several strategies for managing conflict in relationships▫Express opinions, positions and wants

openly and honestly▫Remain focused on the problem at hand▫Try to understand the other persons

perspective▫Recognize your own influence on the

interaction and the other person’s response▫Respond with a positive, not negative

attitude▫Be willing to negotiate a solution that

satisfies both partners

Solving Problems•John Gottman says most marital conflict

cannot be solved, but conflict does not necessarily ruin a marriage

•Conflict arises out of incompatible needs, values and principles▫Differences in individual identity

•Based on observations of couples in a laboratory study, he says that successful conflict resolution is rarely seen.▫Couples solve each problem as it occurs,

but the underlying conflicts remain

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3U&spfreload=10