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Confidence & Connection

How To Free Your Inner Public Speaker 1

self study e-book for budding public speakers

“Fabulous – it’s not just about public speaking – it’s about honest and real communication.”

BILLIE PARIS, FOUNDER, MORAL FIBRE

by Geraldine Barkworth

Confidence & Connection | Read This First

of 53

Confidence & Connection | Contents

Contents

Read This First....................................................................................................3Free Your Inner Public Speaker 1: Confidence & Connection....................................................3Who We Are................................................................................................................................ 3Get The Most From This E-Book................................................................................................3How To Do The “Speaking Out Loud Practise”...........................................................................4

In The Beginning…...............................................................................................5What Is “Public Speaking” & Why Are So Many Afraid Of It?......................................................5My Personal Public Speaking Quest Is…....................................................................................6How To Handle Public Speaking Nerves....................................................................................7Week 1 Review......................................................................................................................... 12

Week 2: Connection...........................................................................................13Connect To Yourself, First........................................................................................................13Connect With Your Audience, Second......................................................................................15Week 2 Review......................................................................................................................... 17

Week 3: Strengths.............................................................................................18Speaking From A Place Of Strength.........................................................................................19Releasing Tension & Becoming Powerfully Present.................................................................20Communicating With Body, Movement & Voice........................................................................21Week 3 Review......................................................................................................................... 23

Week 4: Challenges............................................................................................24Making The Most Of Challenges...............................................................................................24He Lost Me At “Hello”................................................................................................................26Turning Points Become Great Story Telling..............................................................................27Week 4 Review......................................................................................................................... 28

Week 5: Trust....................................................................................................29Don’t Give A Speech; Be The Speech......................................................................................29Impromptu Speaking: “Look Mum, No Notes!”..........................................................................30Cool, Calm & Connected Public Speaking................................................................................33Week 5 Review......................................................................................................................... 34

Week 6: Happily Ever After…..............................................................................35The Final Act Of Completion.....................................................................................................35Assessment: Your Public Speaking Quest................................................................................36What Does Your Inner Speaker Have To Say Now?.................................................................38Week 6 Review......................................................................................................................... 39

How To Introduce Yourself.................................................................................40A Bonus Exercise To Survive Networking Events!....................................................................40

Preview: “Crafting & Presenting”.......................................................................42Our Second Self Study E-Book.................................................................................................42

Goddess of Public Speaking Links.......................................................................43Contact Us................................................................................................................................ 43Feedback Request....................................................................................................................43

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Read This FirstFree Your Inner Public Speaker 1: Confidence & ConnectionIf you are a creative, intelligent, inventive professional, brilliantly capable in all areas of your life… except speaking with ease and authenticity in public… this e-book will show you how to get to know your inner public speaker. In 6 steps, Confidence & Connection shows you how to:

Be coherent and clear about your purpose and message. Deepen your self-confidence, self-trust and self-belief. Develop a heart to heart connection with your audience. Be at ease with eye contact, pausing and silence. Manage speaking fears and develop inner calm. Think on your feet and stand your ground. Be fully present and authentic. Find your authentic voice. Give short impromptu talks. Introduce yourself in 30 compelling seconds. Identify your personal strengths and use to your advantage. Deepen your emotional intelligence and interpersonal communication skills.

Confidence & Connection uses short stories backed up by examples and practical exercises. An extra bonus is the inclusion of links to 4 x MP3 sound recordings, voiced by Geraldine Barkworth.

Who We AreSince 2002, the director of Goddess of Public Speaking, Geraldine Barkworth, has been coaching and training professionals who seek a greater sense of purpose and meaning in their life. She takes a respectful and powerful “softly, softly” approach, inviting you to honour who you truly are and connect from that place to your listeners. Geraldine knows from experience that speaking with presence, grace and authenticity attracts a natural flow of clients, income and new opportunities.

Geraldine has written 2 self-study e-books to help budding public speakers:

How To Free Your Inner Public Speaker 1: Confidence & ConnectionHow To Free Your Inner Public Speaker 2: Crafting & Presenting

Are you ready to free your inner speaker? Then let’s start...

Get The Most From This E-Book Print out this e-book so you can fill in the exercises and questions and keep a record of your progress

and insights. Tick () off each Practise Exercise in its box () as you complete it.

It takes time to redefine the relationship between you and your old experience of “public speaking.” Many clients told me they found it useful to first read this e-book through, then go back to the beginning and work through each exercise to really transform their beliefs about “public speaking” for the long term.


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Confidence & Connection e-book is divided into 6 progressive steps. Whether you read it while you prepare for your next speech, presentation or workshop or systematically over 6 – 12 weeks, I recommend you complete each step to achieve your personal public speaking quest.



How To Do The “Speaking Out Loud Practise”

OK, don’t panic!

You do not have to give formal speeches in front of an audience to complete this e-book.

I have designed this foundational course to be practised every time and everyplace you communicate, because this self-study program is all about CONNECTION and CONFIDENCE, not CONTENT.

Remember, you may find it useful to read the entire book through first to gain the overall picture.

This course is based upon IMPROMPTU or OFF THE CUFF speaking. You will not be writing prepared speeches. You will be speaking spontaneously, trusting yourself to leap without the net of memorised notes. When you can do that, a prepared speech (covered in our second self study e-book, Crafting & Presenting), is “a piece of cake.” Easy.

It is far, far, far more important that you learn to slow down and give yourself permission to connect first with your self and then your listeners before you utter a single clever word.

If you do not establish credibility, trust and rapport with your audience, they will not listen to you.

This course will teach you the foundational skills of being able to connect with people, whether 1 to 1 or 1 to a group of any size. OK?

“ I know now that I can be confident in talking and connecting with people by just being myself. Somehow my life experiences had knocked that out of me but Geraldine’s 6-week course taught me to believe in myself again. Everything she asked us to trust would happen, did happen.”

LISA, PHOTOGRAPHER & FILMMAKER

Complete these speaking practise exercises with a recorder, friends, a mirror or however comfortable. Do not write notes unless instructed. Follow the 4 steps below to gain the most benefit from this course:

1. Start by connecting first to yourself, your Personal Anchor, the space, the imagined audience, take 3 slow deep breaths, pause, wait for the words to arise; speak when ready.

2. Stick to the recommended speaking time for each practise, that is, “Take 2 minutes to talk about….” Keep a clock positioned nearby with a second hand. If you finish early, just practise staying grounded, connected and silent… sometimes more words arise unexpectedly and you can continue. Avoid speaking overtime to develop the respectful habit of sticking to time. Just wind up your last words or idea in a few sentences and allow yourself this flexibility. What you have already said is usually “good enough”. Take a breath.

3. End by evaluating what worked when you spoke and what didn’t. Repeat each speaking practise exercise twice. Let go of memorising and start afresh. I know it’s tempting to repeat yourself, but you are now incorporating what you learnt from the first time. Let go of wanting things to be perfect and don’t worry about structure. Connect with your feelings. You cannot fail this course!

4. I recommend you do not write your practise speeches. Instead, do your writing after your practise. Note your observations about the experience in the space provided to learn from each experience.



In The Beginning…

1In The Beginning…

2Connection

3Strengths

4Challenges

5Trust

6Happily Ever After…

“My heart starts to pound whenever I think of speaking at the next meeting. All those faces, all those eyes, what are they thinking? I feel both sick and tired and my mind is in a flurry about what to say. I worry whether I’ll go blank, forget my main point or make a bad impression.”

~ ANTHEA, NATURAL THERAPIST

Week 1 shows you how to begin your quest to free your inner public speaker. It involves setting a goal for yourself and invites you to challenge old fears about “public speaking” through relaxation exercises. What Is “Public Speaking” & Why Are So Many Afraid Of It? My Personal Public Speaking Quest Is… How To Handle Speaking Nerves

What Is “Public Speaking” & Why Are So Many Afraid Of It?Whenever you have a conversation with anyone other than yourself, you are "public speaking". “Public speaking” doesn’t only mean giving formal speeches up on stage. It covers every kind of speaking and connecting situation you have with other human beings… talking via the phone, Skype, messaging, being with a small group, at a party, at a job interview, at the dinner table, in a meeting or presenting.

Public speaking fear is a common problem for many people. It’s caused by acute self-consciousness and a fear of being separate to everyone else. Sometimes it begins at an early age or is sparked by a specific traumatic event. It can affect anyone no matter how confident… and it can be changed for the better.

Many professionals hold themselves back from expanding personally and professionally, because of fears of speaking and presenting themselves in public. This limits self-confidence, career opportunities and attracting new clients. It can create feelings of frustration, struggle and working doubly hard at something you know you do really well… if only you had the skill and confidence to tell people about it.

WHAT IS BEHIND THE FEAR AND AVOIDANCEMany people who avoid public speaking are fearful of their physiological response to fear, not the act of public speaking itself. In reaction to any kind of fear, threat, anxiety or stress, our bodies may respond with:A pounding heart and pulse, sweating or trembling, scattered or racing thoughts, unable to think logically,nausea or a feeling of passing out, desire to sleep or, run away, racing thoughts, often negative or anxious,feeling surreal, disconnected or a blank mind, anger, agitation, aggression or panic and overwhelm.



These are commonly reported reactions to public speaking. They are also the same symptoms of panic, fear, stress and anxiety. To spend your life avoiding public speaking because of a fear of these symptoms is like shooting the messenger.



The good news is you can change your old fear habit by changing your perceptions and physiological responses. I’ve created specially designed relaxation and visualisation tools to help you tap into your inner speaker. These include Calm Barometer, Inner Calm Exercise, Personal Anchor and Audience Connection. You’ll find them written out in Weeks 1 and 2, plus the hyperlinks to the MP3 sound recordings so you can sit back, relax and listen to me taking you through the exercises.

My Personal Public Speaking Quest Is…A goal is like a quest, the quest for something you want. Something you want so much, you are willing to move out of your comfort zone to try something new like this program. Goddess of Public Speaking’s approach to speaking with ease and authenticity is very different to the “standard” public speaking programs you may have previously tried. Our approach is a unique blend of inner work to develop your authenticity and connectedness to others and outer work, of powerful public speaking and body language techniques to allow you to speak with natural presence, power and professionalism.

In order to assess as to whether this 6-week course has helped you achieve your public speaking quest, I recommend you create a specific goal. Rate your goal out of “10” in the spaces provided, on the first and last day of this course to measure your progress. Your goal should describe a concrete achievement, a stretch big enough to be a challenge but not too big as to make you give up before you start. It should make you feel inspired, scared or excited enough to get out of bed in the morning. It needs to have a time frame so that you are not still struggling with it in 3 years time. For example:

“I love to speak at the Annual Conference and get thunderous applause!” “I speak with ease and a sense of fun at 3 business breakfasts by August.” “I deliver a straight from the heart presentation, inspiring listeners to ask for my card.”

To help you clearly identify your personal public speaking quest, answer the questions below:

First, imagine you have finished this course. Describe what you have gained:

Second, write your public speaking goal for this course below in one sentence. Give it a time frame, make it inspiring to you, keep it achievable, real and measurable like the 3 previous examples:



Third, date and rate your goal from “1 to 10” to indicate where you are now on the scale below. “1” equals far away from your goal and “10” means you have achieved it. I will ask you again to rate your goal at the end of this course to help you assess your progress:

Week 1: / 10 Today’s Date:

Fourth, please indicate below which skills you most need to learn right now:

Not sure where or how to start when it comes to speech writing (covered in Week 1)

Introducing myself and what I do with impact (covered in Week 2)

Writing and structuring speeches, presentations and workshops (covered in Week 3)

The art of presenting, delivering and selling to audiences (covered in Week 4)

How to handle job, media or on camera interviews (covered in Week 5)

Dealing with challenging speaking situations and the unexpected (covered in Week 6)

Handling speaking nerves and speaking without preparation (covered in e-book 1)

Finally, on the scale below, indicate your current level of speaking confidence in challenging situations:

1 3 5 7 10Veryanxious

Somewhatnervous

OK Somewhatconfident

Veryrelaxed

Take 1 minute to talk out loud about… your goal for this 6-week course. What impact will it have on you when you have achieved it? What will it cost you if you don’t achieve it? Note your observations about the way you just spoke in that short 1-minute talk below. What did you like about the way you spoke?

How To Handle Public Speaking NervesWhen your body is grounded, relaxed and balanced – your heart, mind and spirit are grounded, relaxed and balanced. You can learn to ground or centre yourself in your body using the breath. Managing your breath allows you to control speaking nerves, create mental clarity and be present with your listeners. When you then speak in public, you speak from this inner place of balance. When you are relaxed and receptive, your audience is relaxed and receptive too.



THE CALM BAROMETERThe Calm Barometer is a simple scale from “1” to “10” which you can call on anytime to determine your current level of anxiety versus calm. When we fear or avoid something, our perspective shifts out of true proportion to the actual event. Will you really die / pass out / be laughed at if you speak to others or in front of a group? Use the Calm Barometer to provide you with an immediate reality check. You can even visualise yourself moving up to a “ Relaxed 10”.

Try this now: think about a challenging presentation or situation. On a scale of “1 – 10” where “1” is “very anxious” and “10” is “very relaxed”, where would you rate yourself on this scale today? Use the picture below as a guide and click on the hyperlink to listen to the short MP3 sound recording:

Take 1 minute to talk out loud about… your experience of using the Calm Barometer. Where would you place yourself on the Barometer? How do you feel in your body right now? What do you observe?

THE INNER CALM EXERCISEYou can take control of speaking nerves and restore calm and clarity by practising the 6-minute mindfulness exercise, “Inner Calm” every day to build a habit of inner calm. It will help you to:

Manage nerves when you are about to speak or present Gain an accurate insight of your current stress level Get “out of your head and into your body” Ground and centre yourself in your purpose Think and articulate clearly with a coherent flow Be focussed, present and connected for the “big moments” in your life.


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Begin by reading through the Inner Calm Exercise below and listen to the MP3 recording to hear how it’s done. This exercise simply involves counting the breath evenly from “1 to 10” for 3 rounds. Find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably and won’t be disturbed.

Read the Inner Calm Exercise below and click on the hyperlink to listen to the sound recording:

“ Close your eyes, rest your hands in your lap, put your feet on the floor and let your body sink down into the chair. Take a slow, deep breath from the base of your stomach. Release gently. Notice how your body feels right now, the pace of your breath, your pulse, and the kinds of thoughts you are having. Take another deep breath in and release it slowly on the out breath. Feel your body sink deeper into the chair, knowing it supports you. Know there is nothing else you need to do right now and nowhere else you need to go.

Now we begin the Inner Calm exercise by counting the breath evenly from one to ten…

Mindfully breathing in, one, mindfully breathing out, one.Mindfully breathing in, two, mindfully breathing out, two.Mindfully breathing in, three, mindfully breathing out, three.Mindfully breathing in, four, mindfully breathing out, four.Mindfully breathing in, five, mindfully breathing out, five.Mindfully breathing in, six, mindfully breathing out, six.Mindfully breathing in, seven, mindfully breathing out, seven.Mindfully breathing in, eight, mindfully breathing out, eight.Mindfully breathing in, nine, mindfully breathing out, nine.Mindfully breathing in, ten, mindfully breathing out, ten.

And now, take a natural breath in and out, no need to count it, and acknowledge that you have completed “1 round.” Repeat counting the breath from “1 to 10”, twice more...

And now to finish, I invite you to take a slow, deep breath to complete the Inner Calm exercise and become aware of your body sitting in the chair. Feel your feet on the floor and stretch out your toes. Notice how your body feels right now, the pace of your breath, your pulse, and the kinds of thoughts you are having. Notice any changes from when you began… Bring your awareness to the present moment, take a breath in, open your eyes, stretch your body, and know you carry inner calm wherever you go. “

While you are doing this exercise silently in your mind, you may find your mind wanders. This is perfectly normal. Just gently bring your mind back to “1” and begin again. Don’t make a guess and start at “5” to get through the exercise faster! The more your mind wanders, the more scattered you are feeling. The more you are able to count your breaths from “1 to 10” in a complete round, the more inner calm you are feeling. Please know you cannot fail this exercise. You can only learn more about yourself, your current state of calm and how much control you have over changing it.

Take 2 minutes to talk out loud about… your experience of the Inner Calm exercise. What changed or didn’t change? After your speaking practise, note your observations in the space below:




THE PERSONAL ANCHOR VISUALISATIONA “Personal Anchor” is a shortcut to creating inner calm in a moment. You can use it whenever you speak in public. It is an image, sensation or word that you choose for yourself. Simply by visualising, feeling or saying your personal anchor, returns you quickly to feeling calm and in control. Choose something that represents how you want to feel, whenever you present yourself in a public place. For instance, if you want to feel strength, calm and connectedness flowing through your veins, you may visualise yourself as a tree or a mountain. Here are examples of a personal anchor that some of my clients use:

The timeless tree of life image with its spreading branches and roots, The sound of the ocean constantly flowing and endlessly booming, Sitting atop a powerful horse; you can canter and change direction at will, The warm smell of your grandmother’s fresh muffins and love after school, The sensation of timeless suspension in an ocean wave, sparkling with light.

Many clients find it useful to practise the previous relaxation exercise, Inner Calm, in conjunction with their Personal Anchor to consciously build a daily ongoing habit of calm and confidence.

Read the Personal Anchor visualisation below and click the hyperlink to listen to the sound recording:

“ Relax into your chair, feel it supporting you. Take 3 slow, even breaths. Feel your breath deepen and your body becoming heavy as you sink into the chair. Imagine yourself getting up and walking across the room. Walk down the 3 stairs to a doorway and through the other side... here is your perfect place. Your perfect place to feel at peace, unselfconscious, connected to all things, totally accepted and in your power. I know I know, sounds like a big ask, but hey, it’s in your mind and you can choose to have it as you want. Take the time to fill in some positive details like...

A place by the beach, by a stream, at the base of a mountain, in your grandmother’s room, in the water.... What do you see? (Fill out the colours and images, like sparkling water, green velvet curtains, red rocks), what do you smell and taste? (Like eucalyptus leaves, salty air and skin, musk perfume, hot chocolate), What do you feel on your skin? (Like crunching leaves under your toes, sand in your hands, warmth of the rocks in the sun), and what do you feel emotionally? (Like calm, satisfaction, safety, wonder, connectedness, surprise...)

Now, I’d like you to notice if a particular image, sensation, word, thought or feeling has appeared in your perfect place or if you are drawn to particular aspect of your perfect place. Take your time. Don’t worry if it’s not clear. If nothing clear appears, just choose something pleasant from the perfect place and identify its qualities. For instance, if you saw, sensed or felt yourself sitting atop a powerful horse, it may suggest to you the qualities of freedom and control, connection to nature, a high perch with a global view and so on. Don‘t try to intellectually analyse the qualities or guess, just let the associations arise naturally.

It’s ok if not much happens. Just try this exercise a bit longer, or try it another day.

Now, regardless of what happened in the perfect place visualisation, see yourself deciding to leave, knowing you can return anytime you choose. See the doorway ahead, go up the 3 stairs and settle yourself into your chair once again. Take a slow, even breath from your belly, become aware of your




feet on the floor, stretch, open your eyes and be ready to resume your day. Know you can embody the qualities of your Personal Anchor and perfect place, any time. You and your Personal Anchor will become one and the same. “



Describe your Personal Anchor in the space below, once you’ve practised or listened to the sound recording. It’s ok to change it later on. If you are not 100% sure, just choose something which makes you feel at peace, powerful, unselfconscious, loving and so on:

Next, identify the qualities you associate with your Personal Anchor. For example, the “timeless tree of life” image with its spreading branches and roots may bring up associations of being flexible yet strong, ageless yet forever regenerating, in a balanced flow of giving and receiving. Which qualities do you associate with your Personal Anchor?

HOW TO BE COOL, CALM & CONNECTED WHEN YOU SPEAK“Cool, calm and connected” simply means you speak with clarity, confidence and a warm connection to the audience in front of you. A simple way of achieving this state every time is to call on your Personal Anchor whenever you are about to speak in public or a challenging situation like a job interview. It takes seconds to become present and focussed. Follow these 5 steps and if you “disconnect”, just begin them again.

1. Stop;2. Take a breath evenly in and out;3. Visualise / feel / sense your Personal Anchor;4. Recall the qualities of your Personal Anchor and embody them;5. Take your time to connect to yourself, the space, your audience and when you are ready, speak from

the powerful place of your Anchor or most grounded, the place where you are at your best.

Take 3 minutes to talk out loud about… your experience of working with the Personal Anchor visualisation. What happened or didn’t happen? Imagine you are teaching it to someone else. Explain how to use the Personal Anchor to help you become cool, calm and connected when next you speak. After your speaking practise, note your observations in the space below:



Week 1 Review

Answer the 3 questions below to record your weekly insights, challenges and new learning:

Check in with your internal Calm Barometer at least once a day for a week – many people find it easiest to check in before breakfast, lunch, dinner or sleep. It takes 5 seconds. Note your observations:

Practise the Inner Calm exercise every day for a week and visualise your Personal Anchor. Note your observations. Has anything changed? Does anything need to change?

How are you finding your speech practise exercises so far? Explain in the space below:



Week 2: Connection


2Connection

3Strengths

4Challenges

5Trust


“ Thank you for helping me to understand that my audience wants to hear what I have to say as long as I give them what they want - connection. I can see now that speakers who rely on putting up a mask, rob their audience of the authentic experience of being with them. “

ELISE, ART THERAPIST & PSYCHOLOGIST

Week 2 shows you how to connect with yourself, then with others, then with the space around you, before any words are spoken. You will also begin to practise visualising speaking with ease and authenticity. Connect To Yourself, First Connect With Your Audience, Second

Connect To Yourself, FirstA sense of connection is more powerful than words. Communicating from the heart, fully present with other human beings, creates acceptance and understanding. Connection seemingly occurs without effort. There is a sense of “oneness” which is healing for all – speakers and listeners. The ability to connect with others is radiantly attractive to all people. It is the defining characteristic of great leaders and speakers.

To become a confident public speaker, 1-to-1 or 1-to-many, you need to first learn how to connect with yourself, then with the space around you and then with the audience, before any words are spoken.

GREAT SPEAKING COMES FROM WITHINThe core belief that we are separate, isolated or different from everyone else, can generate an uncomfortable feeling of self-consciousness, fear of rejection and doubt of self worth. Connecting authentically first with the self, then with others, is a simple and effective remedy for our western epidemic of social isolation.

When you feel connected to the self, you are connected to your foundation. This is a place of great peace, stillness, strength and clarity for many people. When you speak from this place, you speak in authenticity. Your presence carries a natural charisma and authority without trying to be something you are not.

Connecting to the self takes only a few seconds. It begins by: Stopping, Taking an even breath in and out, Becoming aware of your body, thoughts and feelings and reconnecting with your centre.

Connecting first to the self occurs at the beginning of all powerful presentations and conversations. It is also described as “being present.” Next, you are ready to connect to the space around you.



Practise “connecting to yourself first” using the steps above: put this book down, close your eyes, take 1 -3 even breaths in and out, become aware of your body, thoughts, feelings to centre or anchor yourself. Make this your new habit before speaking. Note your experience below:

CONNECTION TO THE SPACEOnce you have connected to yourself, either before you enter the room or just before you speak, you need to then tune into the space around you. Again the time it takes is mere seconds. The “space” refers to your surrounding environment on every level and includes:

Physical (the room, space layout, props, cramped or spacious room), Mental (the “headspace”, attitudes and perceptions of you and others at that moment), Emotional (your feelings and the emotions of others in the room – eager, bored, scared), Spiritual (your internal sense of your energy and the energy of others at that moment).

The term “holding the space” refers to the skill of balancing your awareness simultaneously with the 4 aspects of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual connection when you communicate with others. It is a skill requiring a high level of self-awareness and emotional control. Speakers who learn this skill deliver with greater impact, communicating beyond mere words. Messages delivered with skilled presence generate a powerful emotional impact that bypasses the mind and goes straight to the heart.

At a coaching conference I once attended – a speaker held us spellbound with his quiet, slow paced story (mental space) and we waited in relaxed silence (spiritual space) as he strolled across the room (physical space) to pour himself some water. It could have been his living room. By witnessing a normal, human event, it connected us to each other (emotional space). Rather than “him up there and us down here”, he gave us a chance to pause and take a drink too – we were in this together.

One last point about “Connecting To The Space” – be aware that as the speaker, you are “on” from the moment your name is called and you take the floor (even it’s it just the family dinner table) right through to leaving the floor and completing. Your audiences’ eyes, minds and emotions will be engaged and assessing you before you even open your mouth. Your integrity (who you are and what you stand for) is on display. That’s why it’s important to not rush in without taking time to connect first with yourself, then the space and then the others in front of you.

Practise ‘connecting to the space” now: put this book down, and consciously become aware of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual spaces inside and outside of you right now. Note below:



Connect With Your Audience, SecondWhen I was growing up, I had a relative who avoided eye contact with me. I didn’t realise that he felt uncomfortable or that he avoided eye contact with everyone; I just assumed there was something wrong with me. I felt I was intrinsically unworthy of his attention; hence, he avoided meeting my eyes. I spent much of my early life trying hard to maintain people’s attention, because I assumed I was boring and needed to work really hard to be to be noticed.

One day when I was 12, I visited my best friend. After lunch, I noticed she and her father maintained really long, relaxed, beaming eye contact. I remember feeling acutely uncomfortable and confused. Many years later, I realised the gaze of my friend and her father was the normal, loving gaze of two people who felt a deep connection. They were, unselfconscious and very comfortable with eye contact with each other.

Physiologically, when we soften our eyes, our whole body relaxes. Imagine your eyes are resting in hammocks when you softly gaze at another. Having the ability to sustain, comfortable, relaxed eye contact builds trust and rapport – in effect, you are saying without words, “I hear you, I see you and I am with you.” Fundamentally, I think this is something we all want deep down. And as speakers, we definitely want and need, our audience to hear, see and be with us.

Connecting authentically with others, only takes seconds. It begins by:

First take a breath and connect with yourself (as outlined just previously), Make gentle eye contact with someone who wants to be with you and stay with them, Address your first words to that one person, just like you are sharing a conversation, Then move your body and eyes to the next available person and be with them 100%.

When speaking with a group, use your eyes and whole body to establish and sense connection with others, one person at a time just like a conversation. Eye contact should engender a warm neutrality, not a needy “Please like me, like me, like me!” or “Look at me!” which tends to repulse rather than engage.

Make eye contact with people who are showing you that they want to be with you. They may be looking at you, leaning forward or nodding. Address your words to these people and don’t give your energy away to those who are not available. Make an intention to be 100% with each person, one person at a time, whether speaking to a group, a friend or buying a loaf of bread.

Similar techniques are demonstrated by powerful and authentic speakers like John F Kennedy, Martin Luther King and Bill Clinton to connect so directly that people felt each man spoke directly to them, not millions of others. Everyone wants connection, acknowledgment and attention so be the first to offer it. And that is what you will receive from your listeners in return.

AUDIENCE CONNECTION VISUALISATIONSome people feel nervous about speaking in public because they cannot predict or control the reaction of the audience. What if you could control your audience? What kind of an impact would that make on your budding speaking confidence? I’m going to ask you to undertake another visualisation exercise. This time you get to invite your ultimate audience in to listen to you. You control how many, (for instance, 1 to 10,000) and who (for instance, friends, colleagues or strangers.) It is a safe and perfect place to practise embodying the strengths of your Personal Anchor.

Use the visualisation before you speak to imagine the positive outcome you desire. Experiment with visualising your Audience Connection everyday and notice what, if anything, changes. Allow the changes and simply add or subtract audience numbers as you need. Focus on the qualities of your Personal Anchor if old patterns of speaking nerves reappear. It’s all under your control.



Read the Audience Connection visualisation below and practise the exercise. You can also click on the hyperlink and listen to the MP3 sound recording to hear how it’s done. Begin by imagining you are already in your “perfect place” from the previous visualisation exercises. Close your eyes, take an even breath…

“ You are in now your perfect place, recalling the qualities of your Personal Anchor. I’d like to you to visualise connecting with an audience that now appears in your place. It’s your private place so you have complete control here.

You may have one guest, ten guests or many hundred guests. Your guests may include friends, family, colleagues or strangers.You can pick and choose how many and who gets invited at your will.

Your audience is waiting to hear you, they are content to rest in your presence, regardless of what you say or don’t say.

See their faces turned toward you like upturned flowers. See the smiles, the twinkling eyes and the complete lack of judgement and pressure. Your audience accepts you just as you are. They know you are worth being with and are content simply to be in your presence.

If words arise, share them. If not, just be with your audience. Feel the unspoken exchange of giving and receiving energy as it flows effortlessly from you into your audience and from your audience back to you, energising and replenishing you all.

When you are ready, thank your audience and let them go. They may simply disappear or fade away until you are alone once more in your perfect place, still connected to your Personal Anchor.

Next turn and walk toward your doorway, up those 3 steps and across the room to your chair. As you feel the chair beneath you and your feet on the floor, also feel the strengths of your Personal Anchor flowing through your body, mind and spirit. You can call on them anytime.

Now gently move your body. Take three slow, even breaths and when ready, open your eyes, feeling focussed and relaxed. “

Take 2 minutes to talk out loud about… your experience of practising the Audience Connection visualisation. What happened? How many people did you invite? Did you experiment with changing the audience at all? What was the audience reaction to your presence? Note your observations about your speaking practise below:




Week 2 Review


Practise the Inner Calm exercise and visualise your Personal Anchor everyday and note what changes:

Make an intention to be 100% with everyone you meet, turning your whole body to face them. Pause more frequently when you speak and experiment with slowing your speaking pace. Use your eyes to establish connection with others by sustaining a soft, neutral eye gaze and note what changes:

What’s working and what’s not working in your speech practise exercises? What needs to change?



Week 3: Strengths


2Connection

3Strengths

4Challenges

5Trust


“The course allowed me to acknowledge my strengths and vulnerabilities and provided excellent tools to use when public speaking. It was a personal journey that gave me a lot of insight and confidence to trust myself to work with what I’ve already got. I learnt so much more than I expected.”

~ ADELE, SOCIAL WORKER

Week 3 shows you how to embody your natural strengths so that you speak from a place of expansion, confidence and clarity. And that opens the door for others to drop the mask and be real with you. Trust, rapport and communication flow naturally, anywhere and anytime. Speaking From A Place Of Strength Releasing Tension & Becoming Powerfully Present Communicating With Body, Movement & Voice

LOST & FOUNDOne day when I was about seventeen and singing my lungs out, a friend said:

…“Isn’t it a shame, we who so love to sing… can’t.”

I didn’t sing in front of people for 20 years after that. What is a shame, is that I allowed her thoughtless words to crush some of my natural strengths. Not my singing ability, but my natural flair for drama, spontaneity, creativity and fun. Perhaps more significant in terms of shaping my life, was a tendency to put others opinions ahead of my own judgement – which led to a drop in my self belief and confidence and ultimately, disconnection from a part of my real self…

How often have you given your power away to others?

When you speak from your authentic self, you speak from a place of expansion and integrity, rather than shame and contraction. When you embody your natural strengths, everyone hears and sees who you really are. And that opens the door for others to drop the mask and be real with you. When you buy a product or a service from someone and look into their eyes, do you want to see a real person, or a façade?

Which of your qualities, skills or strengths are diminished, hiding or forgotten? Explain briefly:



Speaking From A Place Of StrengthFEEDBACK FROM FRIENDSIt can be hard to describe your own strengths; a case of “can‘t see the forest for the trees”, not to mention your own negative judgement. We often make critical assumptions about ourselves that may or may not be true. For instance, a speaker giving a presentation that did not result in ear-splitting applause may assume they are boring, not worth listening to and avoid speaking in public thereafter because their expectations were not met. But were their expectations realistic? How can an audience know what kind of mental dialogue is running through a speakers’ mind?

One way to test your assumptions about yourself is to ask others for positive feedback. Make sure you do not ask people who may take the opportunity to give you a critical analysis of all your faults.

Carefully choose 5 supportive, positive friends, family or colleagues and ask them to give you at least 5 positive words with which they would describe you. These words describe your qualities, values or strengths. This exercise often yields surprises. Please list all your gathered words in the table below. Add some of your own. Resist the temptation to edit, deny or alter.

Contact 5 trusted friends and ask them to offer 5 words they feel describe your strengths:

Friends’ Names 5 Positive Words with which they described your strengths1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

You can add more words of your own:

Take 3 minutes to talk out loud about… the process you went through in asking your trusted friends / colleagues for 5 words which sum up your strengths. What did you learn about yourself? What surprised you? Were there recurring themes? What were the strengths?



YOUR TOP 5 STRENGTHSYou have a lot more than 5 strengths as the previous exercise demonstrates. To avoid overload, I ask you now to just choose 5 strengths. You can use the words offered by your trusted friends or you can add your own. Make sure they are phrased in the positive.

List what you consider to currently be your top 5 strengths, personally and professionally:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

The next step is to take ownership of those strengths that feel right to you and start integrating them more and more into your life. You may find they are similar to the qualities you associate with your Personal Anchor, a source of confidence, truth and power. So... when you “speak”, speak from this place of strength. So many people can’t be wrong! We will continue to work with your natural strengths in later sessions.

Take 3 minutes to talk out loud about… the 5 strengths you’ve decided are your main strengths. How do they show up in your life? Are you hiding or diminishing any of your strengths? How can you use your main strengths to your advantage as a speaker?

Releasing Tension & Becoming Powerfully PresentAn incredibly simple and fast way to get out of your head and into your body so that you are present and available to your self and your audience is to do some physical movements. These are designed to help you relax, get grounded and open up within minutes. Try these exercises now and practise them slowly with conscious awareness:

Gently roll your shoulders back before you speak. This opens your chest and throat. Gently shrug your shoulders up, and then drop to release neck and shoulder tension. Give yourself a tight hug, then open your arms to embrace the world. This opens your whole body.

And it never hurts to add, take 3 slow, even breaths in and out, feel your feet on the floor, connect with your Personal Anchor and “arrive”.

Take 3 minutes to talk about… the 3 “Releasing Tension” exercises. Demonstrate them as if you are teaching them to others (or do so for real) and use your innate strengths and use movement, body, voice and creativity to convey this information as effectively as you can. Note your experience below:



Communicating With Body, Movement & VoiceBODYWhen your body feels stable, you will relax and speak with greater ease from a strong foundation. Stand up now and experiment with different feet positions from a wide leg stance to feet touching. Feel yourself swaying gently – where do you feel most able to relax and spring into action? Let your hands hang loosely at your side. Imagine the top of your head drawn up by a gentle thread, let your neck float up and the rest of your body will follow. Drop your shoulders. Note any tension spots. Consciously relax those spots. Move your body parts around until you feel at your most strong, grounded and confident.

Many clients find it useful to embody / visualize their Personal Anchor and adopt a similar stance, such as a strong tree with spreading roots or astride a powerful horse. To do this, simply think about your Personal Anchor and the qualities it represents to you. Feel yourself embody those qualities in your body and spirit. Make any physical adjustments. When ready, speak from the place of your Personal Anchor and describe how you are embodying your Anchor as you speak. Speaking out loud helps integrate the new behaviour.

Note your observations below about any shifts within yourself, your posture and how you spoke:

MOVEMENTGenerally when you are relaxed, you are more naturally expressive. Your hand emphasises a point, your head nods or your eyes look up to seek inspiration or to express frustration. Movement generates attention and adds emphasis to words. If you talk about moving to the centre of the room, move yourself to the centre of the room. If you talk about the size of the fish you caught, show how big it was with your hands.

Movement without words (silence) can be compelling, allowing listeners to form a powerful picture within their imagination. This means they have heard your ideas and internalized them. If you encourage your audience to physically move, (like raising their hands or turning to face the person next to them) this will generate a deeper level of engagement, ownership and potential commitment to your ideas.

Take 30 seconds to talk out loud about… what kind of day you are having… but without words. Use movement and feeling to convey your meaning in silence. Note your experience below:



VOICEProjecting your voice starts from your belly, using deep, even breaths rising up to fill your chest. Tiny, squeaky, breathy voices come from constricting the throat and the top of the palate. These voices can be hard to listen to for any length of time. When we feel upset, tired or anxious, our voices tend to rise “up”. This also occurs when people are uncertain of what they are saying and their intonation rises, sounding like a question, or like they are questioning themselves. This habit does not generate confidence in listeners. People in western society generally attribute a deeper, slower voice as more authoritative, calm and pleasant to listen to than a higher pitched voice.

If you wish to project your voice, speak more slowly from the base of your belly. Imagine sending your voice “out” to the back of the room. Slow down and use more pauses between words. This adds a natural gravitas. Don’t force it and try to be something you are not; we all have different pitches and resonances and it makes us unique. Your aim is simply to expand your natural range and add vocal variation.

“ Movement generates attention and adds emphasis to words.If you talk about moving to the centre of the room, move to the centre of the room. If you talk about the size of the fish you caught, show how big it was with your hands.”

Practise reading out loud the above quote at your usual pace and then greatly slow it down. Experiment with adding emphasis, gestures and pausing. Note any changes and insights below:

Take 2 minutes to talk out loud about… your weekly intention to be 100% with people. What has been the impact of choosing to pause more often and make gentle, sustained eye contact?



Week 3 Review







Week 4: Challenges

1In the Beginning…

2Connection

3Strengths

4Challenges

5Trust


“At some point in the course I surprised myself by how quickly the time passed when I was “story telling”. Instead of being concerned about how I was going to fill the time, which was my concern early in the course, my concern turned to the fact that there was insufficient time to tell the whole story. “

~ CAROLYN, ACCOUNTANT

Week 4 is about the challenges that became turning points in your life. Evaluating turning points and examining how you dealt with challenges identifies your strengths and what you learned from those pivotal moments, providing you with valuable material for you to share as stories. Making The Most Of Challenges He Lost Me At “Hello” Turning Points Become Great Story Telling

Making The Most Of ChallengesA challenge is a great learning opportunity. It’s not always enjoyable but it is always valuable. It’s a point at which your personal and professional growth takes a great leap forward. Completing this Confidence & Connection course may become a significant turning point for you. Turning points allow you to redefine who you are; you are forced out of your comfort zone and your capacity is stretched. You become a “bigger” person with deeper self-confidence. Doors previously closed, may now open to new opportunities.

Turning points and challenges may include: the birth of a child with a disability, the death of a beloved pet, a travel experience which opened your eyes, the decision to stop smoking, attend a course of study and change your career or wise advice once offered to you.

Turning point experiences are those that caused you to stop, reflect and act in a new manner. Often we steam ahead, just “ticking” experiences off our “To Do” list. This diminishes the impact of our major life turning points and the simplicity of the everyday. It can lead to a sense of disconnection with our innate wisdom, centre and self-trust. How can you learn from “What just happened?” and absorb the new information, if you get busy being busy once again?

Life zooms past unless you stop and take a look. This 6-week course is an opportunity for you to “press pause” and absorb the wisdom of your own life. You will always have something of value to say if you take time to learn from your experiences.

One of the most effective ways to develop a new relationship between you and public speaking is to examine how you handled the challenge of previous turning points in your life. The details may change but the process is the same. Rather than convince yourself with hollow affirmations, provide yourself with



concrete evidence by examining the steps you took, the outcome you achieved and what you learned from handling the process of your challenge.

Identify 3 challenges that became turning points for you. What did you learn about yourself?

3 challenges How did I handle it? What did I learn?

Take 4 minutes to talk out loud about… one of your life challenges, personal or professional. What happened? What was the result? What did you learn about yourself and how can you apply it to benefit others? Note your observations below about your short talk and do not read your notes!



He Lost Me At “Hello”This is a true turning point story of my own.

I was the keynote speaker at a conference. I was speaking second on the program on the first day about work/life balance. The challenge for me was the terrible speaker who opened the conference. He was not only late (and therefore affected the timing of my speech), he failed to connect with the audience and they had “switched off” (and therefore, had disengaged from the conference.) I learned a lot from that challenging experience. The eventual result of that pivotal moment was the creation of this 6-week public speaking course you are doing right now.

To give you an example, here’s how I translate that challenging experience into a 2-minute speech:

“ It was hot, it was sticky... it was a tropical conference in Darwin.PauseA government minister was opening the conference and he was twenty minutes late. He shuffled in apologetically, flanked by four government officials and hid behind the lectern. He commenced reading a paper that appeared to be written by someone else. He spoke quickly, with his eyes down.pauseI had no idea what he was talking about because he didn’t appear to be saying anything in ordinary English. I couldn’t tell where he was going with his speech or what was the point. I became much more interested in watching the audience. There were a lot of glazed eyes, long suffering sighs and checking of text messages…pauseI didn’t hear the rest of his speech because “he had lost me at “hello”.

big pauseWhat I learned clearly at that conference was two things:

One, when a speaker does not take the time to connect with the audience, they switch off and stop listening.

And two, when a speaker fails to outline his purpose or make his message relevant, the audience switches off and stops listening.

pauseWhat is the point of speaking if no one is listening?

big pauseAs I was the speaker following him, I felt challenged by the fact he was not only over time, but he’d lost our audience. This meant I had to work hard to regain attention and respect from the audience and keep my own spirits up after a dismal start.pauseThe turning point for me was the realisation that there is a big market for me to specialise in showing speakers how to connect heart to heart with an audience and how to keep them listening.

big pauseThe result of that turning point experience is my foundational public speaking course, “Confidence & Connection”, which you are experiencing for yourself, now. “



Now it’s your turn to tell just one of your turning point stories. I suggest you don’t write it out perfectly, just use the notes you already made in the previous exercise. I suggest you don’t write it out as I have with the example above, as you will likely fall into the trap of trying to memorise your clever words. Thing is, this is your turning point story. You were there! You will remember it! Keep it real by staying fresh and present. Slow down, pause often and use your body.



Turning Points Become Great Story TellingTake closer look at the format I used for my own turning point story above, “He Lost Me At Hello”.

At this moment I want you to resist writing out your turning point stories revealed by the exercise above. Writing things out perfectly often leads to memorising and sounding like a stiff piece of cardboard. Trust yourself that you can tell each story, what you learnt from it and what you can therefore share or teach others, because… you were there.

When you begin your speech with sharing a personal story, it begins a relationship with your audience. Start with a simple, graphic opening line. Pause to let the audience catch up and have their own experience of relating to what you said. Briefly tell the rest of the story. Tell what you’ve learnt from that experience and how it relates to the purpose of your talk. Engage their interest first, and then explain how it is relevant to them. Make eye contact one person at a time.

Practise at least 2 turning point speeches in Week 4’s Practise exercises below. Don’t struggle with trying to put something “clever” or “perfect” together (that’s a “should” coming from your head). Instead, take a leap to trust your instincts (coming from your body and heart) that what tumbles from your lips will be good enough. It’s your true story in glory and simplicity.

The key is to practise it again from a fresh perspective, using what you learnt from your first practise. Ask yourself each time: What worked well? What didn’t work so well?

And make adjustments to your next talk accordingly. Each talk is in itself, a turning point to improve your public speaking ease and authenticity.

Taking the time to pause often while you speak, gives you time to gather your thoughts, to tune into your feelings and to speak from that place. It allows your listeners to catch up and be with you. Sometimes when people are nervous or believe they don’t have anything of value to say, they too speak quickly or nervously fade away. Which are fabulous ways to lose your audience. The "pause" draws people in – they want to be with you, because you are with them.

You can learn how to take the next step and transform an impromptu personal story into a powerful presentation or workshop in our second self study e-book, Crafting & Presenting.

And if you’d like to learn the rest of the “He Lost Me At Hello” story, you can download my 6-page e-book called “Shut Up & Let Your Body Talk”.

Take 2 minutes to talk about… another one of your personal turning points, very different from the previous one discussed, with a different outcome. What did you learn and what can you share as a story? Use this topic as a springboard – if you find yourself reflecting on the themes in your life as shown up by your collection of turning points, talk about those collective themes. Note observations:


http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au/coaching/books/



Week 4 Review







Week 5: Trust


2Connection

3Strengths

4Challenges

5Trust


“ I know now that I can be confident in talking and connecting with people by just being myself. Somehow my life experiences had knocked that out of me but Geraldine’ s 6-week course taught me to believe in myself again. Everything she asked us to trust would happen, did happen.”

LISA, PHOTOGRAPHER & FILMMAKER

Week 5 is about trusting yourself to leap without a net in front of an audience. This act of faith can also be called “impromptu speaking”. It requires a high degree of trust and willingness to let go of fears of judgement or memorising, quests for perfection or “being right”. Don’t Give A Speech; Be the Speech Impromptu Speaking: “Look Mum, No Notes!” Cool, Calm & Connected Public Speaking

Don’t Give A Speech; Be The SpeechMy friend Amanda, a dancer, gave an impromptu speech at a meeting. She announced it was her final night. She kept her body moving as she spoke. She spoke her gratitude, shared what she’d learnt while packing up her bag, and then touched each person’s shoulder in farewell before dancing out the door. Adieu! It worked because she trusted her personal strengths of communicating through dance, spontaneity and a good sense of timing. It worked because she trusted herself.

Often a fear of public speaking comes from uncomfortable self-consciousness and the belief that it is not OK to be you. Imagine what speaking in public might be like, if you were completely comfortable with yourself. Your inner public speaker may be quietly snoozing, just waiting for that wake-up kiss of self-trust.

Invite your inner public speaker out to play and trust that what comes out spontaneously, like Amanda’s speech, is perfect for the moment. Amanda’s speech was so authentically Amanda; her message informed as well as entertained. And she really didn’t know what she was going to do next. She told me afterward she thought it was one of her best speeches and she was right.

Amanda didn’t try to give a speech; Amanda was the speech.

IMPROMPTU VERSUS PREPARED SPEECHESCongratulations, just like Amanda, you are already speaking impromptu. All speaking exercises in this first self-study e-book Confidence & Connection, are designed to be off the cuff to take you out of your head and into your body to build your confidence and self-trust. Speaking practise exercises in our second e-book, Crafting & Presenting, are designed to show you how to write and structure a prepared speech.

Impromptu: unprepared material spoken spontaneously “off the cuff”, or to answer audience questions. Prepared: constructed material, well thought out and structured with a clear purpose and outcome.



Impromptu Speaking: “Look Mum, No Notes!”Impromptu speaking is also called “speaking off the cuff”. I like to refer to it as “leaping without a net”. It requires a high degree of trust and willingness to let go of a fear of judgment, memorising, quests for perfection or “being right”. Your job is to let the story stream through its course, flowing around any rocks or impediments in its path and trust your words will turn out ok. I have 3 guidelines for easeful impromptu:

1. Be prepared2. Get out of your head and into your body3. Trust you know enough and if you don’t, do something about it!

1. BE PREPAREDImpromptu speaking increases it’s fabulous factor by smart forward preparation. If you know you will be at an event requiring you to say a few words, well, take the time to prepare mentally, physically and emotionally those few words. The better your “headspace”, the better your confidence with words. The key is not to memorise rigidly, but to trust you do know your material and adjust the content to fit the context of the moment. This keeps you fresh, real and credible.

Examples of impromptu speaking include: handling questions and answers at the end of a talk, being asked to contribute something at short notice, an invitation to introduce yourself to a group or new people or filling in for someone else “on the spot”.

Take 3 minutes to talk about… how you personally prepare to give a speech, a talk or get ready for a difficult conversation. Does your preparation style serve you or hinder you? What would you change to generate better or more satisfying results? Note your observations about how you just spoke, below:

2. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND INTO YOUR BODYOne of the most powerful pieces of advice I can give you is to “get out of your head and into your body.” Fear and unhelpful beliefs (for instance, “I’m no good” and “no one is listening”), start in the mind and will stay there and make themselves very comfortable if you define yourself as a nervous public speaker. Remember, nervous anxiety is a normal physiological response to fear and presumed danger (for instance, sweating, feeling sick, fidgeting, going blank). Your mind generates a fear response if it presumes it’s under threat, even to a situation like speaking in public.

Did you know that your body’s response to excitement is very similar to its response to fear? Revisit the techniques mentioned in Week 3’s Communicating With Body, Movement & Voice and practise the ways below to get out of your head and into your body, whenever you are about to speak in public:

Plant your feet on the floor and use a stance that makes you feel stable and strong. If ever you need to reground yourself during a speech, stop, take a breath and feel your feet on the floor. Imagine you are a solid tree, not a transient cloud. Reconnect with the qualities of your Personal Anchor.



Try changing the language you use to describe yourself and your state: “ I feel nervous about public speaking” becomes “I feel excited by public speaking.” Same response, different word.

Use a relaxation exercise like Inner Calm to breath more deeply and evenly. When you feel excited or fearful, you tend to breathe from the top of your chest in short shallow bursts – reinforcing the message to your brain that there is something to panic about. When your body perceives there is no danger and it can relax, your breathing will deepen and slow. So, show your mind it has nothing to worry about, and relax your breathing and limbs. Try the 3 Releasing Tension exercises described in Week 3.

Take 4 minutes to talk out loud about… how to get out of your head and into your body when you speak. Explain and demonstrate using your body. Note your observations about how you spoke, below:

3. TRUST YOU KNOW ENOUGH & IF YOU DON’T, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!If you are going to speak in public, it’s because you have something to say. You will run into trouble if you give a speech about something you know nil. If you don’t know enough, find out. Make it easy on yourself by only speaking about what you know.

Rather than assume you have to be an expert before you speak in public, just plunder your own resources. You are the sum of so many years of experience. Remember what you gained from examining how you handled past challenges and turning points. It’s easy to forget or underestimate the goodies you have within you. Just the many clients I’ve coached for job interviews, they often forget they have great skills, because they take them for granted and no longer value them.

In Week 4, I asked how you handled past challenges and to identify what you learned from those experiences. We’ve all had challenges and we’ve all had to solve them. Sharing yours, particularly to open a presentation, creates a link between you and your listeners. It establishes credibility and trust that you are speaking from true experience. It also means you don’t have to manufacture or memorise your talk because you are describing a real experience. You can let go of notes because you were there. Trust yourself that you do know what you are talking about. If you don’t trust yourself, no one else will.

When you complete this Confidence & Connection course, you will have gathered a lot of personal and professional material to use to talk to people and to give presentations.

Take 2 minutes to talk out loud about… “trust”. What does it mean to you? How does it show up or not show up in your life? Don’t worry about where it is going. Note your speaking observations below:



IMPROMPTU TRUST CHALLENGEAre you up for a challenge to trust yourself that you will always have something to say?

Try this now: take out a dictionary or book and just let the page fall open. Whichever word your eye falls upon… that is your word to talk about for 60 seconds. What you are waiting for is a personal story that relates to the word. The key here is to not plunge in and pour out everything you know about that word in 20 seconds and then peter out with nothing left to say. Instead… use the impromptu techniques you’ve been learning in this e-book. For instance, your speaking challenge may look something like this in writing:

My Spontaneous Word Found In A Book: “fasten”

5 seconds

35 seconds

45 seconds

50 seconds

55 seconds

60 seconds

I take a breath, pause, connect with myself, the space around me and any others. During this connection time, I let my mind, body and spirit roam freely and just wait and see what spontaneous associations arise relating to the word “fasten”… mmm, there’s not much happening for me… ah… just relaxing… incoming energy!... and here’s a story…

“Fasten”… the words of a song come to mind… “Hold Me Fast and Don’t Let Go”… ooh, that makes me want to squirm. The whole idea of some one holding me fast and not letting me go is not attractive.

I think the song is a romantic plea… but I don’t find it romantic. I find it suffocating. Actually, I may have the word wrong… perhaps it’s “hold me TIGHT and don’t let go”. Never mind, it’s given me a starting point.

I realise I have a mild aversion to any thing tight or “fastened” to me… clothes, people, ideas. I like room to move and lots of space to try on new ideas. My skin needs to breathe…

I take a breath while I reflect on that some more… do I have any thing else to say? My time must be almost up… wait… incoming energy!... yes, here it is…

…which is why I love to wear silk, flowing, spacious, elegant. But this scarf… it’s just a bit too…

I loosen my scarf with dramatic flair and drop it on the floor…

Scarf… I set you free! You are no longer… fastened!”

OK, so what just happened here? The black writing indicates my pausing not panicking time and it totals 15 seconds. The grey writing is my speaking out loud time and it totals 45 seconds. Total time: 60 seconds.

I had no idea what I was going to say and initially felt blank about the word “fasten”. Because I gave myself permission to pause and connect, there was time and space for an association to emerge with the word “fasten”. It doesn’t matter if it’s not brilliant or perfect. Allow your subconscious to do the work and trust.

Now it’s your turn. Choose a random word and leap without a net. Try it again. Note your observations:



Cool, Calm & Connected Public SpeakingIt’s time to put it all together. Read the step-by-step method below, then stand and practise each step. This method works for impromptu and prepared presentations, whether you are speaking at the dinner table, at a meeting or on stage.

1. Prepare ahead and remember you have the information you need within you. You are the sum of years of experience and handling challenges.

2. Before you stand, gently roll your shoulders back and feel your chest expand. As you stand, imagine a silken cord pulls up the top of your head. Let your jaw relax. Feel your feet on the floor. Put your hand on your belly & take in a deep breath. Hold. Release.

3. Connect emotionally by taking 3 slow breaths before you speak. Connect with the qualities of your Personal Anchor. Give people time to tune into you while you tune into them. Make soft eye contact with one person. Don’t rush. Take a breath with them. Establish a real connection, one person at a time.

4. Give yourself permission to pause until words, images, or feelings arise and trust they are the right ones for this moment. Follow the momentum like a wave. Allow personal stories to arise, fill the space to make your point for you.

5. Your thoughts and ideas will flow easily when you connect emotionally with your story – self-consciousness and “trying too hard” disappear.

If you lose your momentum, just repeat the process above. Truly, it takes seconds. It will look like a natural pause because it is a natural pause. You are allowed to pause. Your audience wants quality, not quantity. They want the real you. Not a cardboard facade doing a fast, one-way download.

The Goddess Of Public Speaking’s cool, calm and connected approach keeps you fresh and authentic every time. It’s very real to own up and say, “Gee, I’ve lost my thought… where was I”? or “Don’t you hate it when you go blank?” Acknowledging normal, human, vulnerable behaviour connects you to your audience.

Sometimes it’s not appropriate to admit you’ve lost your place. So just take a breath, glance at your notes, put them down again, connect and continue on. Remember, people don’t mind if you make a mistake (if they can even tell) or if you are imperfect (heaven forbid!)

What they are looking for is whether you rose to the occasion and how you handled it. That’s leadership. And that’s confidence.

Take 5 minutes to talk about… the Cool, Calm & Connected public speaking method, starting with taking a deep breath and connecting to yourself… pretend you are teaching it to your audience… take them through each of the steps and demonstrate. How does it help you, to speak with ease and authenticity? Note your observations about how you spoke, below:



Week 5 Review







Week 6: Happily Ever After…1In The Beginning…

2Connection

3Strengths

4Challenges

5Trust


“What I am doing differently as a result of this program is to find my centre, calm down & take it from there. I love the Inner Calm exercise. I didn’t know that nerves could be breathed away and that soft eyes could open so many doors. I am no longer playing a role I’m just me. And the words just flow out… all by themselves.”

~ ANTHONY, BUSINESS OWNER

Week 6 helps you to integrate and acknowledge the work you’ve put into pursuing your quest to free your inner public speaker. A deeper understanding, acceptance and practise of your authentic voice will have a ripple impact throughout your life. The Final Act Of Completion What Does Your Inner Speaker Have To Say Now? Assessment: Your Public Speaking Quest

The Final Act Of CompletionSometimes I see clients who struggle with ending their speech, presentation or workshop. You may have noticed speakers who spoke well throughout, but mysteriously changed their style in the final act of completion, with just 5 minutes left on the clock. Instead of finishing with a memorable kapow!, they:

Suddenly start speaking very fast in a one-way download, losing connection with their audience; Gradually fade away without a call to action, leaving the audience to wonder, “…so what next?” Finish with an over rehearsed, insincere windup, leaving you thinking, “I’m not buying that!”

Unfortunately, poor speech endings are common. I won’t go into the reasons. I will just tell you how to ensure your final act finishes with the consistent grace, ease and authenticity as you began… and by now after reading this e-book you probably know what I’m going to recommend!

1. Stop and take a breath with your audience. 2. Slow your words down and remain connected.3. Summarise and tell audience “what next”. 4. Receive your applause like the compliment it is.

Take 3 minutes to talk about… what “completion” means to you. How does your family handle completion? How do you like to “finish”, “end” or “windup” or are you uncomfortable with the notion? Would you like to change the way you complete things? And if so, how? Note observations below:



The purpose of prompting you throughout this course to: Handle your speaking nerves, Create a personal anchor, Identify your strengths, Connect heart to heart with yourself and others, Trust yourself to get out of your head and into your body, And examine the significant turning points in your life that shape who you are today,

Was to give you concrete evidence that you contain a vast reservoir of experience and strength, and to give you the practical tools to access that inner knowledge anytime, anywhere in front of any audience. Now it is time to integrate all that new evidence and skill in communicating with ease and authenticity and assess how far you’ve come and where you’d like to go to next.

Assessment: Your Public Speaking QuestCongratulations! You’ve done a lot of work to complete this Confidence & Connection course… and you are almost done. To prepare for your grand 6 minute speech finale, answer the following self-evaluation questions, fill out the Public Speaking Plan and reflect on your public speaking past, present and future.

SELF EVALUATION On the scale below, indicate your Before (Week 1) and your After (Week 6) general level of public

speaking confidence and knowledge from 1-10, in situations you find challenging:

1 3 5 7 10Veryanxious

Somewhatnervous

OK Somewhatconfident

Veryrelaxed

Now you have completed this course at Week 6, please rewrite your original public speaking quest and then date and rate your goal from “1 to 10” in the space below. “1” equals far away from your goal and “10” means you have achieved it. Compare with the rating you gave yourself in Week 1. Do you feel you have achieved your goal?

Write out your Public Speaking Quest from Week 1:

Rate & Date it: Week 6: / 10 Completion Date:

Did you achieve your quest? Explain what worked and what didn’t for you:



Take 2 minutes to talk out loud about… the goal quest you set for yourself at the beginning of this course. Do you feel you achieved it? What have you learnt? Write your speech observations below:

PUBLIC SPEAKING PLANIn order to keep motivating yourself into action, you need to make a decision, now, about where you will go next as an authentic public speaker. Your Public Speaking Plan must be achievable and something you can commit to starting… now.

Fill out the Public Speaking Plan below and commit to following it through by the due dates:

List the 3 most important things you need to learn next as a public speaker:

What steps will you take to handle them and ensure they happen?

Due Date

1.

2.

3.



What Does Your Inner Speaker Have To Say Now?Your public speaking journey with our first e-book, Confidence & Connection, has mostly been an inner work process because great speaking begins from within. When you are ready to take your voice and message out into the world, I invite you to continue on with our second e-book, Crafting & Presenting .

Speaking out loud about your journey to free your inner public speaker will help you to integrate and reinforce the new habits and beliefs gained over the last 6 Weeks. Additionally, it will allow you to appraise the value of what you’ve gained and acknowledge the investment you made in yourself.

Fill out the Time Scale table below. Briefly note your most significant public speaking challenges of your past, present and future and how you handled them (or didn’t) and what you learned.

Timescale Identify the public speaking challenges of your past, present and future

Past

What was my past challenge?

What did I learn?

Present

What is my present challenge?

What am I learning now?

Future

What is my future challenge?

How do I need to learn next?

Take 6 minutes to talk about the journey to free your inner public speaker – the past, the present and the future. What did you learn and where do you intend to go next? Note speech observations below:




Week 6 Review





YOUR FEEDBACK FOR GODDESS OF PUBLIC SPEAKINGI would love to hear about your personal experience of this Self Study course. Please log on to my website and fill out the E-book Feedback Form . In return, I offer you a 10% discount on a private phone coaching session with me, to help you further refine your authentic voice and message.Best wishes,

Geraldine


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How To Introduce YourselfA Bonus Exercise To Survive Networking Events! We live in a society with advert-length attention spans. We can that capture attention by creating a 30 second personal ad, otherwise known as “a self-introduction”.

Succinctly introducing yourself with ease and grace enables you to: Make a memorable first impression Quickly establish rapport and open a connection Be respectful other people’s time which is always appreciated Give an “elevator” or “corridor” speech and create an opportunity Keep your words clutter-free, making your message easy to understand.

There are so many ways to introduce yourself it can be confusing. I am going to show you just one. It’s a short and simple script enabling you to effortlessly explain who you are and what you offer at any event, meeting, workshop or party. This simple script will stop you from waffling, forgetting important facts like your name or talking for too long. Customise the script to the present moment to be fresh, authentic and relevant.

It’s a good idea to have a few scripts up your sleeve to adapt to different situations and to avoid sounding like a broken record. Once you have mastered the script with confidence, you will start to ad lib and customise to each occasion without having to prepare for it. You will be authentic and relevant every time and can let go of the Intro Script.

A final tip: most people want to get a sense of who you are and what you can do for them, before they want to get to know you or ask for your contact details. Think about them first, not you, when you introduce yourself. You can do this by identifying which problems most clients hire you to solve so they immediately understand how you may help them or someone they know.

Create your own compelling 30-second self-introduction for a meeting, networking event, and workshop or modify to suit a social occasion by using the Intro Script provided below as a guide. Make a few drafts before filling in the table. Customise to suit your style and different occasions and practise, practise, practise until you can introduce yourself without thinking about it.

Intro Script 30 Second Self Introduction ExampleYour Name Good morning, I’m Lucinda Marsh.

The main problem you fix for clients and the result.

I help clients get divorced as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Your title / position, business name and location.

I’m a solicitor specialising in family settlements, mediation and divorce. My firm is Marsh Solicitors and I’m based in Sydney.

Finish the statement:“What I need or am offering today is…”

What I need at the moment are referrals to your women friends looking for an easy to talk to solicitor who understands women.

How to contact you and invite them to do so. Repeat name and business.

If you can help me or if I can help you or your friends, please come and see me afterwards and take a card. I’m Lucinda Marsh, from Marsh Solicitors, Main Road, Balmain, just opposite the supermarket.



Intro Script 1 Customise to suit your style and different occasionsYour Name



Finish the statement:“What I need or am offering today is…”Make it easy for them to contact you. Repeat name & business.









I provide more templates and advice to help you craft and present prepared speeches, presentations and workshops in our second self study e-book, Crafting & Presenting.




Preview: “Crafting & Presenting”Our Second Self Study E-BookHow do you effortlessly blend authentic, heart to heart impromptu speaking with a powerful, kapow! prepared speech, presentation, workshop or interview in front of any group or audience?

IN 6 STEPS, CRAFTING & PRESENTING SHOWS YOU HOW TO:

Structure, write and deliver an engaging speech, presentation or workshop. Research audiences to identify problems and how you can solve them. Prioritise and de-clutter unnecessary detail to focus on the main points. Engage attention at your opening and create a heartfelt connection. Be fully present with coherent flow and clear outcomes. Quickly build genuine trust and rapport with a group. Energise, empower and inspire an audience to take action. Finish with simple “how to” steps and a compelling offer for the audience. Create a unique edge to your message that gets noticed and remembered. Expand your emotional intelligence and interpersonal communication skills. Develop engaging stories and case studies to explain your services and ideas. Enjoy delivering a professional presentation that gets you noticed and remembered.

Crafting & Presenting uses short stories backed up by examples and practical exercises. An extra bonus is the inclusion of Presentation Templates to guide you to create your own authentic style.

“Wow – jam packed value for moving ahead as a speaker. I learned something gold with every page!” JAKI CONNAUGHTON, SPEAKER & TRAINER

Crafting & Presenting is a low cost, fast download and available immediately. It can be used as stand-alone learning or in conjunction with other Goddess Of Public Speaking programs. It includes:

Stories, how-to examples, templates and practice exercises, 6 consecutive weekly steps, each building on skills and knowledge from the last, Evaluation and planning exercises to help you mindfully grow your inner public speaker, Delightfully simple templates to craft self-introductions, bios, interviews, speeches and workshops.

REMEMBER… Whenever you have a conversation with anyone other than yourself, you are "public speaking". “Public speaking” doesn’t only mean giving formal speeches up on stage. It covers every kind of speaking and non-verbal connecting situations you have with other human beings. Many professionals hold themselves back from expanding personally and professionally, because they don’t know how to craft a message effectively and speak in public with ease and authenticity. This limits self-confidence, career opportunities and fails to attract new clients. It can create feelings of frustration, struggle and working doubly hard at something you know you do really well… if only you had the skill and confidence to speak about it.

You can develop skill, confidence and know-how from working your way through Crafting & Presenting.

Are you ready? Purchase and download Crafting & Presenting e-book now from our website.




Goddess Of Public Speaking LinksWebsite http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au

Blog The Natural Public Speaking Blog For Women

Video Tips 3 Minute Video Tips presented by Geraldine Barkworth

Newsletter Cool, Calm & Connected Quarterly: Subscribe and Back Issues

E-books E-books written by Geraldine Barkworth

Online Training Online training course using our e-workbooks

Private Coaching Coaching Programs 1-to-1 and confidential with Geraldine Barkworth

Retreats & Workshops Retreats and Workshops written and facilitated by Geraldine Barkworth

Contact UsWeb http://www.goddessofpublicspeaking.com.au

Email [email protected]

Skype geraldinebarkworth

Phone +61 (2) 6685 1917

Address Goddess of Public SpeakingGeraldine Barkworth10 Teven StreetBrunswick Heads 2483New South Wales, Australia

Feedback RequestI would love to hear about your personal experience of this Self Study course. Please log on to my website and fill out the E-book Feedback Form . In return, I offer you a 10% discount on a private phone coaching session with me, to help you further refine your authentic voice and message. Best wishes,

Geraldine

Geraldine BarkworthDirector, Goddess of Public Speaking

Please note2nd Edition. All material within this program is the intellectual property of Goddess of Public Speaking and trademarked where indicated. No material may be commercially copied without the written agreement of Goddess of Public Speaking. All quotes must be referenced to the author, Geraldine Barkworth. © 2011-15, Goddess of Public Speaking, ABN 84 771 052 152.


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