8/9/2019 Comparison Complex 1

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people's lives on microscope slides sodoing better? Your obsessron with comparingd be hurting your future. By Lauren FarrowCan't stop placingyou can see who'sachievements cou

'm pretty happy with my career,my friends and my love life. Butwhen I look at Natalie Portman,I feel like hitting the bottle.

The girl was in the cult classicThe Professional at13, won a GoldenGlobe at 24, and even with a shaved headmanages to look better than I ever have.Rationally, I realise l'm being ridiculous.I don't want her life. For, all I know, shecould smell like mothballs or feet.Still, Natalie induces bouts of self-loathing. I mean, what have I achievedin comparison? A quick survey of myfriends proved it's not just me who'sprone to judging my life's achievements(and failures) against someone else's.

From what I can gather, just abouteveryone suffers from this "comparisoncomplex". We can't help but measureourselves against our closest friends,acquaintances and even strangers,comparing everything from weight,careers and salaries, to our love lives,friendships and social status.

"l think our generation has an over-achievers complex," says 24-year-oldArielle. "We're constantly inundatedwith media about everyone's amazing

projects, jobs and lives, and, whilethis is inspiring, we can't help butcompare ourselves. At least I can't."

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The modern human, it seems, has createdadvanced torture devices to exacerbateour comparison complex. Unlike previousgenerations, we have to contend withairbrushing, cosmetic surgery, intensecareer competition and, of course,pretty young things like Ms Portman.

But, before we start railing againstthe system, Sydney psychologist ElisabethShaw says we should first take a deepbreath - because it's not all bad news. Ourtendency to "A-B" things can play a rolein helping us understand where we fit in.

From the age of three, Shaw explains,we become conscious of comparisons.We are likened to our parents, and learnstandards of good and bad. By thetime we're in our twenties, this processis what enables us to evaluate our life.

"We all compare ourselves to otherswhen we lose something or someonevaluable to us, whether it be missingout on a job or a relationship. Often, wedo this for a short period of time; [it's] -a kind of review of how we stack upand re-establish our self-perception."

,i J'rr..fr.;l:-.rt,l1'li"ri-J l,l L.) I' i.'r i. r,( r,5-i:.it,,e Wa-r,.For Arielle, her tendency to compareherself with others acts as a driving forcein her life. She explains, "lt gives me themotivation to achieve the things I wantto accomplish. Without it, I might neverleave the couch. l'd be just like themum in [1993 film] What's EatingGilbert Grape. You'd need a damncrane to get me out of the house."

Jennifer, 33, reveals that rating herlife against other people's has been themotivator that pushed her to makeseveral important decisions. "When[my friends and l] left school, I was thefirst to move ln with my boyfriend. Fiveyears later, the relationship died andI had nothing to show for it. My friendsall had degrees and careers. I felt likeI had fallen behind ... so I went out andenrolled in university the next day."

Shaw warns, however, that whenwe can't manage our tendency tomeasure up in a positive way, it canbe self-defeating and damaging. Anegatively charged comparison complex,coupled with low self-esteem, canactually keep you from moving forward.

"Sometimes, people are so alertto being seen badly lby others] that theyfind it irresistible to collect examples of

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