communications in action nlp
TRANSCRIPT
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NLPWhat on Earth is it?
Peter Freeth
Communications In Action
NLP Workshop
EA Summit 2003
2ndApril 2003
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Ingredients
What is it? What do I do with it?
Whats next?
The interesting thing about an agenda is that its a summary that comes before the main
presentation or meeting, instead of at the end where summaries usually come. Your
audience will look at the agenda points, imagine what the topics are and decide right
then what theyll listen to.
You may have been on presentation skills courses that recommend tell them what
youre going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what youve told them. This is fine if
you only want to tell them instead of involve and engage them.
I use Ingredients instead of agenda as it keeps the audiences mind open, and thats
often a good state to be in when you want to learn something new and useful!
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What is it?
Neuro Linguistic Programming A study of the relationship between language
and behaviour
Is there a structure of excellence?
If so, can we replicate it?
Advanced common sense
Everything YOU do when you are at your best
Modelling exceptional performance
NLP started out, about 30 years ago, as a study of exceptional communicators in the
field of therapy.
Richard Bandler and John Grinder wanted to know if there was an underlying structure
to the results that a certain group of therapists were getting. These people were able to
get results with individuals and families that other therapists could not even get close to,
and these results came amazingly quickly.
It turned out that there was indeed a structure and they published this in their first book
Structure of Magic.
Our language and behaviour are closely interwoven, and both are indicative of the way
that we represent the world inside our heads. For example, you can close your eyes and
still imagine seeing these words. Somehow, the words are still in your head and you can
see them as if your eyes were open. The same thing happens with every component of
your rich life experience and the way that you organise this experience is revealed in
your language and your actions.
At its heart, NLP is a specific, formal structure for modelling exceptional performance in
any area where the high performing individual is unable to consciously explain how they
achieve the results they get.
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To make NLP
State Outcomes
Senses
Language
Maps
HypnosisNew!
NLP training typically breaks the subject into six key areas. We wont be covering
hypnosis in this presentation.
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State
Your mental, physical and emotional condition States are useful in the right context
States are a source of energy
Successful people maintain their states!
Your state is the starting point for everything you do. When youre feeling good about
yourself, you breeze through the day and easily deal with problems that would slow you
down on a day when youre feeling miserable.
If youre going to write your life plan or even your business plan you will write a more
optimistic plan if youre in a positive state.
In fact, states are neither good nor bad in themselves they are just useful in a context
or not. They are either helpful to you in achieving your outcomes or theyre not.
People who are good at achieving their outcomes are often very good at maintaining
useful states regardless of what happens around them. This also implies that they can
readily choose a state for a particular outcome, regardless of whether anyone else
would label that state good or bad.
In a world of logic and science, its easy to dismiss your state and say you have to get
your job done regardless of how you feel about it. Well, you can certainly take this
approach if you insist on making your life difficult and unpleasant! We know that people
who take this approach tend to end up very stressed and unproductive. Wouldnt it be
better if you could simply put aside whatever was on your mind and say whats the most
useful state to help me achieve this?
If, each morning, you could choose your state for the day, what would you choose?
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State exercise
In pairs, ask for a memory with a strongemotional attachment a good one!
Offer ruthless encouragement!
Make the picture bigger
Make the sounds louder
Make the feelings stronger
Enjoy it, then come back gradually
We practiced eliciting specific states in pairs, which is a very useful thing to be able to
do. Remember that from states, people derive their perceptions of what happens and
these perceptions influence behaviour.
Therefore, someone who is good at managing other peoples states is generally very
good at getting the best from people. Youve probably seen this happen at work, and
youre probably good at this yourself in certain situations.
NLP is about learning the structure of experience, so its about learning how you are
good at managing other peoples states and using that skill consistently.
Successful people tend not to do one thing much better than other people. They tend to
be only slightly better than average people, but better consistently and across many skill
areas.
Learning about NLP will therefore make you consistently more effective!
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State exercise
Pick a good state motivation, enthusiasm Picture
Location & size
Qualities colour, movement, border, focus
Sounds
Location, volume, qualities
Feelings
Location, movement, temperature
Try it on have your partner help you
Is motivation, enthusiasm, fear or confusion the same for you as it is for me? It must be,
because we use the same word right? No!
Language is such a pale representation of the rich internal experience that we all have in
our heads. What I call confusion is quite relaxed to other people. Someone elses
confusion might feel like blind panic to me.
The first step in understanding people better is to understand how differently we each
perceive our common world. Its not enough to suspect that other people experience
things differently its very useful to actually try on someone elses perceptions, and
thats what we do in this exercise.
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Outcomes
Pick a goal Check that its positive
Check the pictures, sounds and feelings
Check for ecology
If you get it, what will you gain?
If you get it, what will you lose?
If you dont get it, what will you lose?
If you dont get it, what will you gain?
Would you take it right now?
The first step to getting what you want is knowing what you want. That might seem
obvious, but youd be surprised how many people go round in circles in their lives
because they know what they dont want, but not what they do want perhaps you know
someone like this.
This is one of the most important exercises in NLP well formed outcomes.
Essentially, if you express a goal or objective in the format shown above, its more likely
to happen. Later on, well play with some more advanced language that, when used with
this tool, makes your wildest dreams practically inevitable!
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Outcomes
Clear outcomes and flexible behaviour are themain tools of successful people
Pick a character thats different to you
A teenager
A five year old child
A politician
A parent
Someone you know who is always right
Someone you know who is very manipulative
Someone you know who is a great negotiator
Once successful people know what they want, they are very open minded about how
they achieve it. More than that, they are open to try anything, whether it will appear to
work or not.
Compare this to people who have a very fixed plan of action that doesnt adapt to
changing circumstances these people frequently get frustrated and give up whereas
successful people can easily adapt to new situations and new information in order to
exploit those changes to their own advantage.
Flexibility is something you can learn and practice, and this exercise demonstrates one
of the easiest ways to do that.
In the spirit of modelling excellent performers, you just borrow the skill you need from
someone who has it! We are born modellers its how we learned to speak, walk and do
most of the things that we take for granted today.
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Outcomes
Pick a negotiation topic: What to watch on TV
Where to go on holiday
What to have for tea
Negotiate in character become your chosencharacter, thinking and acting as they would
This exercise also allows participants to throw of the behavioural rules that normally
restrict the results they get, so they can learn for themselves that sometimes the most
effective behaviour isnt necessarily the one they would naturally choose.
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Senses
Noticing what happens Gathering high quality feedback
Not imagining, but seeing and hearing!
Rapport
Empathy
Rapport is a communication channel
You may have seen the concept of matching and mirroring that goes way back to body
language studies. In NLP training, youll spend some time on the subject of rapport, yet
its really using your senses thats important.
We spend much of our lives inside talking to ourselves, making pictures, doubting,
questioning, even worrying instead of paying attention to what goes on outside.
Developing the use of our senses to gather high quality external data gives us more
information in order to make better decisions.
Rapport is a state of harmony between two or more people. When people are in rapport,
their physiology is closely matched and so are their internal processing systems. In other
words, they look the same and they think the same. Think of someone that youre so
close to that, sometimes, it seems that you can read each others minds. Is this
telepathy, or is it a close synchronisation of mental and behavioural patterns?
Rapport is often over-used in sales training, personally I think most customers today can
decide for themselves whether they like someone or not and can easily spot the obvious
tricks taught to less ethical sales people. If you agree with someone, youre likely to be
in rapport with them. If you dont then you probably wont be. You should pay attention to
the degree of rapport you have with someone as it reveals a lot about the way youre
thinking and may give you important information that you werent consciously aware of.
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Language
Language and behaviour are interwoven Language predicts behaviour
Language influences behaviour
Both internal and external language
Delete
Distort
Generalise
For information to be stored in our memories, it is filtered to remove anything that were
not paying attention to. This filter is made up of our beliefs, ideas, perceptions,
preconceptions and of course our state.
The filter works in three specific ways;
Delete just ignore or remove sensory data
Distort change sensory data so that it matches our expectations
Generalise make sensory data less complex so that its easier to interpret
You can probably think of many things that you do now that demonstrate those filters in
action. Perhaps youve lost your car keys or not heard the phone ringing? Deletion.
Have you interpreted something that someone said in a very different way and been
certain that they said what you thought, not what they actually said? Distortion. Have
you ever decided not to do something because it went badly last time? Generalisation.
All of these filters are useful we could not function without them so being aware of
them gives you the choice of how to respond and behave to situations, instead of letting
your auto pilot decide for you.
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Get yourself going!
Internal language has a big influence on you Self criticism
Change it its your voice!
Motivation
Must Should Could Need
Want Will Might Ought
Pick the one that works for you and rephrase
your original goal
Do you nag or criticise yourself? The internal language that you use can have a massive
impact on your state, yet no-one ever tells you how to use it effectively.
Firstly, its your voice it can say anything you want it to say!
Just like someone in the office who always complains, your internal voice will get very
whiny if its criticism is ignored. Just think of the voice as another one of your senses
which language is so think of the voice in the same way as you think of your gut
reaction. The great thing about the voice is that it can be so much more specific.
If your voice is overly critical or if you know someone else who nags themselves too
much, theres a really simple technique you can use. You can easily tell when someone
does this as theyll say things like I told myself I should have know better youll be
amazed how much of what people say is quite literal.
So, heres the trick when the voice criticises you, just answer it straight back with
something like Thankyou! Now, what do you suggest I do instead? or Thankyou! Now,
how is that feedback useful to me? Youll see that the structure is acknowledge then
question, and youll be amazed at how well it works.
The other amazing thing your internal voice can do for you is motivate you to get the
things that are important to you done. Just pick the word that you use when you do
something you naturally do easily, and use it to phrase the goals you want to achieve.
For example, I should go to the gym tends not to motivate most people, whereas I willgo to the gym is much more compelling.
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Maps
In your head is a complex 3D map of yourexperiences and beliefs
Abstract concepts are represented in space
Your perception of time affects everything!
Imagination is reality
Your brain is organised like a filing room. The memories themselves arent necessarily
good or bad theyre just raw data.
Imagine you take an invoice and put it in the unreliable payer file. How would someone
else treat that customer? Now put the same invoice in the good customer file and
notice the difference.
Now, take a memory of a holiday and put it in the great holiday file, and notice how the
little mishaps and problems seem funny because, overall, you made the most of the
holiday. Put the same memory in the holiday from hell file and notice how the things
that did go well get lost amongst all the awful things.
The interesting thing is, its entirely up to you where you file these memories, and once
youve filed them, you can easily move them around!
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Mind reading
In pairs, ask your partner to talk about a recentexperience
Ignore the words
Watch their eye movements, gestures and
physiology
Hear their voice tone, volume, pitch Notice where they locate different concepts
Pay attention to patterns
You may have heard that only 7% of communication comprises words. Whether you
agree with the figure or not, we can at least agree that words are not the only
communication channel available to you.
Our bodies radiate information about us all the time, revealing our thoughts, beliefs,
state and even our values and interests. We naturally pick up on this information and
use it to form intuitive opinions about people we meet. I think that one of the most useful
things you can realise is that your intuition isnt an unsubstantiated guess, but is in fact
the culmination of your brains ability to acquire and process huge volumes of
information that youre largely unaware of. You really should trust your intuition more!
When you really watch and listen to the way that people communicate, youll see allkinds of signals that reveal how they organise their internal memories. Youll see
gestures and movements that tell you where they are, how they perceive time, how they
deal with unhappy experiences, how they motivate themselves and much more. You
dont need to know why they do this or what it all means it doesnt mean anything
its just the way theyre wired up.
Paying attention to this kind of information is very useful as it helps you communicate
with other people much more elegantly and effectively.
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Changing the map
Take an unhappy or troublesome memory Move the picture further away, dimmer,
smaller, fuzzier..gone
Make the sounds quieter, more distant, an
echo
Move the feeling to the edge of your body,then let go of it
Now try and remember how that memory used
to trouble you
As a broad generalisation, people tend to be organised so that a picture associated with
a memory has qualities that correlate with the emotional content. By changing the
qualities such as picture size and location, you can change the emotional attachment.
People do this entirely naturally, and you can hear them teaching each other to do it:
Youve got to put it all behind you
Ive pushed it into a dark corner of my mind
I need to distance myself from it
You can see them doing this too they point to the location of the picture and you can
see them looking at it. You can help an unhappy friend by literally grabbing thetroublesome picture and moving it further away!
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Changing the map
Take a happy memory and give it a word Bring the picture closer, brighter, bigger,
clearer, more colourful
Turn the volume up, clearer, closer
Turn up the intensity of the feeling, spin it,
move it, adjust the temperature
Anchor it with a colour and the word
Conversely, happy pictures tend to be close, big and bright. You know how good it feels
when you have a bright future, or when your life has some colour in it!
You can associate complex emotional responses with very simple stimuli such as
colours and sounds or words. When the state peaks, see the colour and say the trigger
word. Afterwards, just see the colour and say the word and the state will come flooding
back. Advertisers do this to you all the time, its another natural human process.
So, if youre going to tidy out your filing room you might as well push away all the stuff
you dont need and bring all the things that make you feel good about yourself up close,
just as you would surround yourself with happy photos or mementos.
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So, what was it?
NLP is a way of modelling intuitive behaviour NLP has become entwined with its tools
It has become associated with therapy,
influence, communication and leadership
Its a simple model for achieving excellence
Many people recognise the tools of NLP as being NLP itself. Remember that NLP wasnt
invented in a cave in Tibet it was modelled from real people like you. Therefore, most
of the tools are just common sense, refined, distilled and made into an easy to use
format that we can all copy.
Its quite usual for you to think that much of NLP is what you already do, because it is.
Just dont expect everyone to do what you do! And, there are probably still times where
you could use your skills more effectively or more consistently.
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What do I do with it?
Coaching Training and development
Sales, PR and marketing
Facilitation and mediation
Business and personal planning
Anywhere you can apply a model of excellence
Any area where you want to achieve
consistently outstanding results
Here are a few applications for NLP in business. In fact, NLP can be used anywhere in
business to get better results, so these ideas are just a few obvious ones where the
results will be the most tangible, immediate and easy to introduce.
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What next?
Much NLP training is still not business oriented Websites for more NLP applications:
www.ciauk.com
www.theskillsnetwork.com
www.nlpinbusiness.comwww.changemagic.com
Helping you get the results you want, moreeasily and more often!
There are many NLP training organisations in the UK, and some of them are now
offering Business Practitioner courses. In the main, the people running NLP training
come from a therapeutic or educational background, so their approach to business
training still doesnt fit comfortably with what most organisations expect. This has
resulted in a fairly slow uptake of NLP tools in an overt way in UK business, although
youll find that the majority of good sales and soft skills training is based directly upon
NLP its just not explicitly mentioned.
The websites above are three places where you can find out more about NLPs
application in business.
And it goes without saying that I can help you apply NLP directly in your business to getbetter results quickly!
You can contact me, Peter Freeth, and Id love to help you learn more about NLP and
how you can use it to your advantage:
0870 1620802
www.ciauk.com
http://www.ciauk.com/http://www.theskillsnetwork.com/http://www.nlpinbusiness.com/http://www.changemagic.com/mailto:[email protected]://www.ciauk.com/mailto:[email protected]://www.ciauk.com/http://www.changemagic.com/http://www.nlpinbusiness.com/http://www.theskillsnetwork.com/http://www.ciauk.com/ -
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Famous last words
So, what on Earth is NLP?
What can you do with it?
Whats the first area where it can help you
make a difference?
Many people ask me what can NLP do for me? and the answer is nothing.
By learning about NLP and by getting better results more consistently, you can make a
difference, because you can do anything you turn your mind to.
I look forward to helping you achieve your wildest dreams, and I leave you with my
favourite quote:
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams..
Willy Wonka
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Thank you!
Communications In Action
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Peter Freeth 2002
Communications In Action
www.ciauk.com
0870 1620802
Communications In Action
http://www.ciauk.com/mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]://www.ciauk.com/