communication workshop tophatter contentonly feb2016
TRANSCRIPT
Effective Communication
Semira Rahemtulla February 11, 2016
Why am I doing this?
One Big Idea
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #2
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #1Common
IMPACTAssumptions
FeelingsResponsesReality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them; we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial information; absence of emotion leaves out
half the story.
Emotions indicate importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Disclosure & Vulnerability
“ VULNERABILITY ISTHE BIRTHPLACEOF CONNECTION. ”BRENÉ BROWN
Feedback & Influence
Working AgreementsJohari Window
OPEN/PUBLIC
PRIVATE UNKNOWN
I know I don’t know
You know
You don’t know
Reactions/Feedback
Disclosure
BLIND
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal development2. Team effectiveness3. To build stronger relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow
Photo: Robbie Grubbs
Can I give you some feedback?
Photo by State Farm [link]Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
David RockWhat social situations triggera threat response?
StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
SCARF Model
So… how do we communicate feedback while minimizing defensiveness?
INTENTNeeds
MotivesStories
Reality #1
BEHAVIORVerbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2Common
IMPACTFeelings
ReactionsResponsesReality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behaviorWhen you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on youI feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Stay on your side of the net!
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Ashvin, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Ashvin, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Ashvin, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with this presentation.
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
When you do [x]…
I feel [y == emotion] that / like
And my story is [z].
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”– Learning is better than being right– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions• Acknowledge your feelings• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”• Do not praise to overcome resistance• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost
every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent; be curious• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:My intention is…… / This matters to me because…When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress• Goal is joint problem solving
Exercise #5: Actual 1:1 Feedback
• 2 min to take notes/prepare:• Complimentary feedback• Constructive feedback• Areas where you want to receive feedback
• Person A goes first and delivers all of their feedback• Person B asks clarifying questions• Can have discussions where appropriate
• Then Person B goes and delivers all of their feedback
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityFeedback Buddies
1ST Round
Aimee Leo
Ali Jared
Andrew Sana
Ashvin Mike
Charlie Elizabeth
Ilan Ragnar
Megan Samara
2nd Round
Aimee Elizabeth
Ali Mike
Andrew Megan
Ashvin Sana
Charlie Leo
Ilan Jared
Samara Ragnar
Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
• Work Product– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area
• Communication & Management– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language choices,
communication style in front of others, transparency of project status, hiring/firing/promotions
• Role Modeling & Presence– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact
others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about? Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?
Thanks, good-bye, and stay on your side of the net