COMMUNICATION SKILLS

CHAPTER 6

SHAPING YOUR FUTURE

Communication Channels

• Verbal

• Non-verbal

• 7-10 percent of our emotional communication is verbal. That leaves

• 90-93 percent as non-verbal communication.

Who are the participants?

• Everyone involved, including by-standers.

What does timing have to do with it?

You may have already heard the saying, “timing is everything.” Well, it is.

• The appropriate time must be chosen to send a message, otherwise the receiver may not hear it.

• The receiver must be ready and willing.

What does Space have to do with communication?

• The closer you stand to a person, the more intimate the message.

GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A SKILL AND YOU CAN LEARN

THESE SKILLS!• Passive listening• Active listening• “I” messages• Feedback• Assertiveness

Passive Listening

• This LISTENING technique requires responses that invite the speaker to share feelings and ideas.

• Such things: as uh-huh, I’m sorry, oh, wow!, a giggle or laugh, etc.

• You are the listener and are not interjecting any of your stories or ideas

ACTIVE LISTENING

• This is when you try to understand what the speaker is feeling or exactly what the message really means.

• You will ask questions, give and ask for feedback.

• You will not add your stories or similarities.

“I” messages

• I messages reflect what you think, feel, or believe without blaming someone.

• “You” messages are unconstructive and only blame someone. You messages put the receiver on defense.

What is Feedback?

• Feedback are intentional responses to a message.

• The receiver may ask for feedback to be sure the correct message was heard.

• The speaker may ask for feedback to be sure the correct message was heard.

Feedback AKA Reflective Listening

• This is when the listener summarizes the message and repeats it to the sender to make sure the intended message was understood.

Asking for clarification

Empathizing with the speaker

Avoiding judgment or giving advice.

How will you know when to be an active or passive listener?

• The answer to that is not always easy.• You may need to use your best judgment. If you

misuse active listening, you may imply you aren’t interested in what the speaker is saying. If you use passive listening with someone you’ve just met, the conversation may never get off the ground.

• Sensitivity to the speaker and the situation is essential to whether you choose active or passive listening.

What is assertiveness?

• When a person can communicate his/her ideas and feelings firmly and positively and take responsibility for their own words and actions, this is known as assertiveness.

COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS

1. Mind Reading

2. Avoiding Subjects

3. Mixed Messages

4. Interference

5. Silence

6. Different outlooks

MIND READING

• Mind reading: assuming you know what the other is thinking.

AVOIDING SUBJECTS

• Avoiding subjects: some things are difficult to talk about and tend to become “off limits” in some relationships.

• .

MIXED MESSAGES

• Mixed Messages: When a verbal message and non-verbal message do not say the same thing.

Interference

• When something is disruptive to a healthy conversation.

• Examples: tv, phone, music, pen tapping, leaky faucet, sleepiness, other activities, etc.

THE SILENT TREATMENT

• Silence sends a strong message of hostility, war, and disinterest but does nothing to solve the underlying problem.

DIFFERENT OUTLOOKS

• It is often possible that two people have different outlooks about the same situation.

• Example: When a mother says “clean your bedroom”, often times the receiver doesn’t have the same idea that mom has about what a clean room looks like.

COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS

• Yes skills….Skills are learned, they should be practiced over and over again just as a pianist practices playing the piano.

• Skills can be improved with practice.