communication - negative / constructive feedback with a positive tone facilitators: wilma p....
TRANSCRIPT
Communication - Negative / Constructive Feedback
With a Positive ToneFacilitators:Wilma P. Robinson PhD & Janice M Carter
What Just Happened? What Just Happened? The Power of Your The Power of Your
WordsWordsand Toneand Tone
How Do Your Words Define How Do Your Words Define You or Do They?You or Do They?
You are not your position but you are your words
Positions define responsibilities not character
Reputation is what people think of you Character is a set of qualities that people know about you
Who shows up at the meeting?Who shows up at the meeting?
PositionReputationCharacter
STEPS FOR SHARING STEPS FOR SHARING CONSTRUCTIVE/NEGATIVE CONSTRUCTIVE/NEGATIVE FEEDBACKFEEDBACK
Preparing for the Meeting Setting the Stage for the MeetingConducting the MeetingClosing the Meeting
Preparing for the Meeting Preparing for the Meeting Gather the factsDo your homework on the material that you will
be sharing Always review information to be shared If this is an informal meeting and you do not
have a document to share, jot down key points that you want to discuss
Preparing for the Meeting Preparing for the Meeting
Employ IRS Leadership Competencies (Communication, Adaptability, Political Savvy, etc)
Prepare for the unexpected Remember the two “Fs”, Facts vs. Feelings
Setting the StageSetting the Stage
“Most people consider life a battle”. It is not a battle, it is like a skillfully orchestrated game of chess using your words as pieces on the chess board
You gain more Credibility and Respect by treating people with Dignity
Setting the StageSetting the Stage
Create an environment that is not defensive or adversarial.
“Closing the door, opens the door”Be prepared for anything –
Defensiveness, Outbursts, Negativity, Crying, etc
Always be in control of the meeting, even if it means rescheduling
Setting the StageSetting the StagePut yourself in the other person’s
position and be prepared to answer their unexpected questions. If you don’t know the answer, tell the person you will get back with them.
Control and filter personal baggage /emotions
Clear your mind of any perceptions
Perception Defined as a process for acquiring,
interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information (sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch).
Comes from the Latin word percepio, meaning “receiving, collecting, action of taking possession.
What do the words, “selecting” or “taking possession” mean to you?
The Answer
It Means You have Control
You are doing the selecting
You are doing the taking
You are doing the possessing
You choose what you: See, Listen to, taste,
touch and Say
Seeing, Hearing and Saying – Your Choice
Our Focus – Seeing & Hearing When you are interacting with people you can choose or select what you see and hear about them.
You can also choose to possess or take in what you have seen and heard or ….not.
Often in communication our perceptions can be skewed by our own values, experiences, biases and beliefs.
It is ok to make a negative choice as long as we are self aware enough to recognize it and choose to shift.
Dragons Our perception choices often raise up
in us and in others, fire and smoke. If fueled by nourishment it can
become the driving forces that shift our focus.
Focusing on negative actions, destructive behaviors and bringing to life a tooth and claw impulse.
An impulse to select counter productive actions instead of choosing productive and relation-building solutions.
Dragons
Approval Control
Safety
Approval
SafetySafety ApprovalApproval ControlControl
Stay out of trouble Peace at any price Winning isn’t everything – it’s the only thing
Play it safe, low profile, hides out
Fly under the radar, avoids risk
Perceives the need to criticize from a distance
Say “yes” when you want to say “no”
Avoid conflict & controversy
Perceive yourself as powerless
Take charge Needs to win Forceful,
aggressive Perceives the
need to be seen as the best
Dragons
Approval Dragon Safety Dragon Control Dragon
See conflict and controversy as unacceptable?
Avoid decision-making situations?
Easily angered, irritable or defensive in response to criticism?
Delays action until it is clear what the boss needs or wants?
Procrastinates in planning activities or making decisions?
Needs to be in charge leaving little room for others to take responsibility?
Says “yes” when you really want to say no?
Keeps a low profile and take an unforgiving posture toward yourself?
Has a tendency to make sarcastic comments to others and fears failure?
Frequently seeks advice and counsel from others before making a decision?
Avoids risk and tends to shift responsibilities up or down the organization?
Tend to beat others rather than work cooperatively
Check the Behaviors familiar to your
The Key to Dragon Taming - Awareness
Awareness can be Hard Work
First you have to recognize which dragon is breathing down your neck
Then you have to recognize how the dragon limits you
Next you must recognize the payoffs you may get by feeding/ nourishing the dragon.
What are your thoughts about dragon limitations and payoffs?
Dragon Taming Takes authentic leadership Authentic leadership is determined by the
depth of awareness you bring to choosing your actions and interactions.
Depth of awareness enables leadership practices that honor you and your values by empowering you to: Choose to recognize the dragon in you or
your perception of the dragon in others, Choose to quiet the mind to recognize the
need to reflect and breathe 3 deep breaths Choose to shift the focus from dragon
behaviors to new and more desirable behaviors.
The Main Attraction
Let’s Recap
You’ve Gathered the Facts Set the Stage Faced Perceptions and Dragons
You are now ready for the Main Attraction,
Conducting the Meeting!
Calmly address the facts and not the person’s perception of the meeting
Don’t allow the discussion to become personal
Listen attentively and don’t appear closed minded or eager to get the meeting over
Allow the employee to share their thoughts
Conducting the MeetingConducting the Meeting
Conducting the MeetingConducting the Meeting
Pay close attention to non verbal communication (i.e. body language)
Be cognizant of your tone and body language Establish and gain mutual Respect and Trust Be specific, do not speak in general terms Speak to the behavior not the person
Closing the MeetingClosing the Meeting
Ask if there are any additional issues that need to be clarified
Reach a ‘meeting of the minds” If needed, agree to disagree on some points Summarize the discussion Establish a follow up meeting, if needed Establish controls to ensure any items agreed
upon are completed as agreed upon
Tie in slides behindTie in slides behind
Ask if there are any additional issues that need to be clarified
Reach a ‘meeting of the minds” If needed, agree to disagree on some points Summarize the discussion Establish a follow up meeting, if needed Establish controls to ensure any items agreed
upon are completed as agreed upon
BORN LEARNED
GIFTS OF COMMUNICATION
Communication requires beginning at the
end All communication should begin with the end in mind. The desired end result of all communication should begin by
striving to:
improve the existing relationship
Improving Relationships = Recognizing and Embracing
Differences
earthearthfirefire
airairwaterwater
Elements of Personality Differences /Gifts
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Fire gifts include…
Setting and achieving goals Envisioning the future Taking charge Competing to win Setting the pace
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Water gifts include…
Mediating conflict Using diplomacy Encouraging, understanding others Facilitating groups Putting people at ease
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Earth gifts include…
Detailed planning Organizing anything Creating systems Keeping teams on track Accepting responsibility
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Air gifts include…
Adapting to change Improvising Writing Speaking Explaining
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Break into groups by Dominant Element.
fire
waterair
earth
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Table Group Assignment
• Creative and positive gifts that this element brings to the workplace
• What it looks like when this element gets reactive or negative
• The most challenging element (of the four) for you to understand and harmonize with
• What you need from the others to bring out your best
• What would be your bumper sticker or T-Shirt w/picture on front and statement on the back
Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS
Tips and Pointers
Constructive Feedback Checklist Do’s and Don'ts
Constructive Feedback ChecklistPrior to the meeting Gather your facts Review your information prior to meeting Anticipate probable questions and answers Mentally check your perceptions of the person/situation Have a clear expectation about what you want as the outcome
During the meeting
Maintain eye contact Be honest Be prepared for anything Deflect excuses Attack the problem not the person Be clear about your expectations Summarize what you discussed and actions that resulted Take a pulse check, are you listening or are you thinking about what to say next?
After the meeting
Follow up on problems/concerns that arose during the meeting Follow through with commitments made during the meeting (for assistance etc) Document what occurred, when you held the meeting and who was in attendance. Don’t share an employees personal business with others
Do’s and Don’ts Do’s and Don’ts
Do build working/business relationships with your peers, colleagues, co workers, managers, employees, etc
Do separate personal and business Do establish a foundation of Trust Don’t squirm around the facts – this creates mistrust Don’t share employees’ personal business with
others unless there is a business need Attitude is everything – Recognize when you are
wrong, say I’m sorry Speak to others as you would have them speak to
you Listen with respect – give others time to respond Do maintain a professional tone throughout the
discussion regardless of the other person Always remember everyone deserves to be treated
with dignity and respect regardless of their educational background, title, race, creed or color
YOU ARE YOUR WORDS
Have you ever wondered why some people can handle conflict better than others;
It’s not just magic, just having mutual Respect for one another;Have you ever had to tell someone that they may be fired?Did you treat them with the same professionalism as when they
were hired?
Effectively sharing negative/constructive information is an acquired skill;
Some people never master it, thinking it is no big deal;When you find yourself in a situation like this;Employ Tact, Professionalism and Respect or you’ll surely miss;
Building relationships is also a must;Or you’ll find yourself in a situation of mistrust;While this is not a new phenomenon, “Have you heard?;I am not my position or who I know but I am my word!