Communication

Family Life CertificationModule #7

Communication

The woman at the well

(John 4:4-26)

The rich young ruler

(Luke 18:18-25)

3. Zacchaeus (Luke 19:1-9)

Nicodemus at night

(John 3:1-15)

CommunicationLevel OneCliché

No depthMeaningless greetings

Have you eaten?How are you?

No processing or analyzingJust for courtesy when meeting othersNo intimacy

CommunicationLevel Two

ReportingSharing facts

NewsTopics of interest

CommunicationLevel ThreeMy opinions and point of view

That was such an uplifting testimony!I consider that a lame excuse.You made an excellent point during the discussion.Your essay was the best in the whole class.Watch the way you spoil your baby!If you continue in this way, you will soon be the top engineer of my company.

CommunicationLevel Four

My FeelingsI’m disappointed because you failed the examI’m so happy that I could burst.I’m absolutely satisfied with your work.More revealing of selfFirst level of a more intimate conversationShared between close friends, married couples, parents and children, employer-employee

CommunicationLevel Five

Deep, Intimate CommunicationPossible between spousesBetween parents & childrenBares the feelings in an attempt to understand the other personDeeper communication that is possible because of shared relationships, memories and experiences

Communication

Good Communication means:

Sharing thoughts and feelingsExpressing your loveClearly stating your intentionsListening and responding correctly

CommunicationCommunication

TipsAvoid

NeverAlways

Avoid indirect and non-specific conversation

Be direct (esp women)Say what you mean

Take turns talking and listening in order to have an enjoyable conversation; don’t interruptDon’t use the silent treatment

CommunicationCommunication

TipsAvoid criticism and negative talk

Focus on encouraging talkParents need to learn this #1 skill in building confidence of children

Maintain good eye contactShifty eyes denote lack of interest/dishonestyAnger/broken relationship

If you don’t understand or think the other person does not understand you, clarify and paraphraseSet aside time for communication and work on it—it’s worth it!

CommunicationCommunication

Principles

Lag Time

Congruence

Interpersonal Gap

Communication

Principles to Understand and Use InformationPrinciples to Understand and Use Information

4. Body Language

Openness Defensiveness

Evaluation

Suspicion

Insecurity Cooperation Confidence

Nervousness

Frustration

Communication

5. The Cry for Help5. The Cry for Help

6. Listening Techniques6. Listening Techniques

ASK the right questions

DO NOT pry

DO NOT be afraid of silence

Communication

WAYS OF WAYS OF RESPONDINGRESPONDING

Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong

Eh, there’s nothing wrong with you!

No need to cry; remember, you are a man and men don’t cry!

Communication

WAYS OF WAYS OF RESPONDINGRESPONDING

Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong

So, what are you going to do about it?

Let me tell you what the real problem is.

This is what you should do.

Communication

WAYS OF WAYS OF RESPONDINGRESPONDING

Evaluating -- deciding whether right or wrong

A lot of people go through this same thing.

Never mind, just forget all about it.

This is God’s will.

Communication

WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING

Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT respondingNo evaluationPay attentionIndicate involvement by nodding

head or saying “uh-huh”, “yes”

Communication

WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING

Hollow listening: listening WITHOUT respondingSometimes say “I understand” or “I

think I understand”

CommunicationWays of

Responding

Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong)Hollow listening (listening without responding)

Communication

WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING

Responding with understandingListen to the total

communicationwordsnon-verbal (body language)tone and other cues

Communication

WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING

Responding with understandingTry to understand

The personality The backgroundThe current mood or needs of the person

Try to identify the feelings of the person

CommunicationCHECK CHECK FEELINGSFEELINGS

HappySad

Communication

Angry

Contented

Communication

WAYS OF RESPONDINGWAYS OF RESPONDING

Responding with understandingExpress understanding of the

feelingsRespond by showing

understanding from that person’s point of view and NOT by evaluating

CommunicationFormula for Responding with Understanding

You feel ___________ (insert a “feeling” word) because __________ (insert the person’s experience)

CommunicationWays of

Responding

Evaluating (deciding whether right or wrong)Hollow Listening (listening without responding)Responding with Understanding

Communication

REVIEW

Responding with understanding involves

Listening to the total communication Trying to understand the personality,

background and needs of the person Identifying feelings behind what the

person is saying Expressing understanding of the

feelings Responding by showing understanding

from that person’s point of view and NOT by evaluating

Communication

At the heart of a good marriage is its

communication system