communicating with your kids: a proactive approach for discipline
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Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach for Discipline. Bette Nix, Behavior Interventionist Shelby County Schools. If a child doesn’t read, we TEACH If a child doesn’t swim, we TEACH If a child doesn’t multiply, we TEACH If a child doesn’t drive, we TEACH - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Communicating with Your Kids: A Proactive Approach
for Discipline
Bette Nix,
Behavior Interventionist
Shelby County Schools
If a child doesn’t read, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t swim, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t multiply, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t drive, we TEACH
If a child doesn’t behave, we….uh…
TEACH? PUNISH?
Inappropriate Behavior Inappropriate behaviors can violate the rights
of others or jeopardize safety. They are self-defeating or self-damaging and
contrary to the requirement of the situation.
All behavior has a purpose (function)!!!!
Why do students/adults have inappropriate behavior?
• Attention (negative/positive)• Anxiety• Acceptance/Affiliation• Self Expression
• Anger• Frustration• Sadness
• To save face• Task avoidance• Gratification• Justice/Revenge• Medical issues• Unknown
What do you think children may gain from the problem
behaviors? Attention? What kind of attention? From
whom? Avoid an apparently difficult or boring activity? Avoid teacher interaction? Get control of a situation? Avoid embarrassment in front of peers?
Does the “why” matter? When children have challenging
behaviors, we do not always know why.
Even when we do, we may not be able to change the cause, but we can still work with the behavior.
PROACTIVE?
REACTIVE?
Focus on Proactive Interventions
Proactive Strategies • Take place before an
event occurs, usually based on previous experience or learning.
Reactive Strategies• Take place after an
event or stimulus, usually in opposition to a force or influence.
Typical (REACTIVE) Discipline Strategies
1. Re-direction
2. Talking to child
3. Screaming at child
4. Time-out
5. Taking away a privilege/grounding
6. Make threats
7. Corporal Punishment
Immediate & seductive solution….”Get Tough!”
Clamp down & increase monitoring Re-re-re-review rules Extend continuum & consistency of
consequences Establish “bottom line”
...Predictable individual response
Ways to Escalate Inappropriate Behaviors
Raising your voice! Intruding into the student’s personal space Using sarcasm Threatening Lecturing Nagging Arguing with the student Having the last word Creating a power struggle!!!
Discipline vs. PunishmentPunishment Emphasizes power Not always directly
related to the behavior Implies moral judgment Coercive Threatens loss
Discipline Emphasis on realities of
social order Logically related to
behavior Separates deed from doer Treats child with dignity Emphasizes care,
support, and love
Results we can expectPunishment Fear Rebellion Sneakiness Self-doubt Resentment Desire for revenge
Discipline Security Cooperation Responsibility Self-discipline Resourcefulness Desire for conciliation
Be proactive,
not reactive
Establishing an Environment for Positive Behavior
1. Try to understand what the behavior is communicating (the underlying need)
2. Be firm, but always be faira) Fair doesn’t mean same
3. Don’t try to be a friend to your childa) Be the adult
4. Work on becoming more consistent5. Separate the child and the behavior
6. Encourage independence through problem solving
7. Avoid feeling sorry for the child
a) Show empathy
8. Do not be concerned about the “right” discipline technique
9. Recognize who owns the problem
10. Encourage responsibility from the child
11. Be sure expectations are clearly explained
12. If discipline is needed, refuse to fight or argue
Think About This
Kids aren’t born “instant students”
We can’t assume they know how to act the way
we want them to act. The behavior we want needs to
first be taught to them.
Just as we teach math skills before we
expect them to perform math, so must
we teach basic behavior skills before
we can expect them to have those
skills.
Teaching Appropriate Behaviors
Shape the behavior through instruction, practice and correction.
Praise should be given for successive approximations, increase expectations and thus praise, fading supports
Silence is your most powerful tool!!! We talk to our children too much in regards to inappropriate behavior.
When verbal instruction is needed, lower your voice, give clear, concise instructions and restore order.
Be brief, simple and provide choices.
Students with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Create an environment with predictability and stability.
Clearly define areas to promote organization. Avoid overcrowding. Use care where distracting areas are placed.
Give clear cues to your child. Keep work periods short and break
assignments into manageable tasks.
Students Engaging in Disruptive Behavior
Students may be disrupting to gain attention, power/control, gain revenge, or project an image of inadequacy.
Students that Seem to Exhibit Low Self-Esteem
1. Set a warm, supportive tone.2. Consider the impact of your actions on your child.*****3. Offer praise that is genuine and specific.4. Bolster the child’s academic skills for success.5. Assist the child in gaining an understanding of his/her
strengths and weaknesses.6. Teach the child positive self-talk.7. Take the child’s questions seriously.8. Create opportunities for the child to feel important.
Choices for You
Closed Fist, Open Hand, or Apathy
What creates the up-tight closed fist feeling?
• Stress/Tension
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Traffic
• Administration/ Teachers/Children
• Perfectionism
• Students/Adults not doing what is expected
• Money
• Anger• Fear• Too much to do• Standing in line• Difficult students• The need for control• Other???????
What creates the open-handed feeling?
• Forgiveness• Compassion/
Empathy/Patience/Love/Trust
• Other?????
• Exercise• Spending time with
family• Reading• Singing• Rest/Enough Sleep
How do getting enough sleep, getting enough exercise and doing things you enjoy impact how you might deal with a crisis situation?
Take Care of Yourself
Health LevelsHealthy
Unhealthy
The Unwanted Cycle
Unmet Need
Behavior
Our ResponseOnly dealing with the behavior or dealing with the behavior first, creates a cycle and the behavior will continue
MCS developed by Glenwood, Inc.
-- Abraham Lincoln
Determine the thing that can and shall be done…
…and then we shall find the way.
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Frederick Douglass
We worry about what a child will be tomorrow
--Stacia --Stacia TausherTausher
yet we forget that he or she is someone today.
Every student can learn,Every student can learn,
just not on the same dayjust not on the same day
-- George Evans.
or the same way.or the same way.
-- Claire Nuer.
WWill you be ill you be the rock the rock that that redirects redirects the course the course of the river?of the river?
Questions & Answers