comedy magazine (humorama)

8/6/2019 COMEDY Magazine (Humorama)

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fAST AND LIVELY ENTERTAINMENT

\'She's very conscious 01her horoscope; ,hat's thesign she was born underl"

economist says that peopledress to suit their taste. "That'sthe nudist colonies are soarl" says Barhara Osterman.


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Some fellows simply don't care where they foss their hat!


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PLENTY OF FUN!ESTABL ISHED 1941 Vol.4 No.11I O T

F A S T A N D L I V E L Y E N T E R T A I N M E N T I

GENaAALHOS l > ITA l .

I ' TH I S TIME THE GIRLS AT THE OFF CE REALLY WANT TO KNOW HOWYOU 'REFEELI NGI"

COMEDY il publi.hed every other month by Humoroma, Inc., 655 Madilon Avenue, New York 21, N. Y.Entered ai first clOIl laughing matter around the U.S.A. Names and descriptions of all charaden and place.in this magazine are wholly imaginary, and any name. which happen tob. the .ame 01 that of any penon I ntll'.ly coincidental. Contents copyright '954 by Humoramo, Inc. PrInted In the U.S.A.'A H UMO RA MA MA GA ZINE


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"50 T H IS IS W H A T YO U M EA NT WH EN YO U INV IT ED M E T O YO URA PA RTMENT TO SH OW ME WHAT H EA VEN WA S L IKEI"

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"YES , M A M , H AMMO CK S A RE O N T H E S ECO ND FLO OR !"

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IIOH, YEAH?-YOU JUSTGET A LOOK AT MY SALESTOTAL THIS EVENING!"6


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-_---"FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT YOU HAD A CARD UP YOUR SLEEVEI"

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Lily: "I'm divorcing my husband on account of a misunder-standing."

Tilly: "What misunderstanding?"Lily: "I understood him to say that he'd be out of town for

a whole week."

COt0.55AL - 5 U P R MARKET

"MURPHY, HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING THE GROCERY BASKETSAGAIN?"


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QUIPS BY PIPS E VE MEYER" A B A C H E L O R I S A M A N W H O DOoN- ! W A N T

T O P L A Y T R O T H OR CONSEQUENCES I"


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John Henry Faulk had an uncle who was quite religious-but equally tired whenever he rolled home in the wee hoursof the morning.So he had a prayer framed; he hung it over his bed; and oneach such occasion he would hit the sack, point to the prayerand say, "Lord, them's my sentiments. Good night now!"

"LA S T N IGH T I CA M E H O M E CLUTCH ING A WALLET . "DOC , PLEASE DOSO METH IN G TO C URE MY SLEEPW ALKIN GI"

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"MAY I RECOMMEND TH E BREA ST O F GU INEA H EN O R TH E RUMP O FVEAL,SIR-I"11


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Smith asked his neighbor how he managed to keep his carlooking so nice and glossy. The neighbor replied that his wifelet him have all of her worn out panties and that he used themto polish his car.Since Smith was a confirmed bachelor, he decided to ask

his secretary for some of hers. The next afternoon at the office,he asked; "By the way, Miss Bronson, what do you do with..your panties when you wear them out 1""Why," she replied demurely, "if I can find them after-

wards, I put them on again!"

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ITOHNUDfLL~~ ~~s"IS THIS THE POOL YOU SAID YOU HAD IN YOUR BACK YARD?"

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QUIPS BY P IP S LEE SHARON"I LO VE TO GO T O BASRALL P1IT IE5; T H A T 'SW H E R E T H E P1RTY I S N 'T O Y E R 'T IL THE LAST


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Willie: "Oh, this is terrible. The doctor just found that I'mIallergic to alcohol. Whenever I take a drink, I itch allover." -

George: "What are you gonna do about it?"Willie: "Let my fingernails grow!"

(Red Skelton as Willie Lumplump)* * *

" 01 NO NUDES; I'M A SURGEONI"


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"A B O T T LE O F A S P IR IN T A BLET S1ED , A ND COME S EE WH A T YOU CA N DOA BO UT T H IS CH ES T CO LD I"


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\\UNO, STUPI ,D, I SA ID M Y BRASS IE I"


17/90"PERSO NA LLY , I T H INK SH E T A KES 'CH A RA DES ' T O O SER IO US LYI"


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."I 'M H A PPY TO LEA RN TH A T O UR AMERICA N FRIENDS A RE STRENGTH EN -ING O UR FO UNDA T IO NS FO R LA S T ING PEA CEI"


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"NO W DO N 'T FORGET - 1 'M TO GET MY REGULAR PA Y A ND VA .CA T IO NPAY AN D A BONUS FO R SPEN D IN G MY VAC AT IO N HERE AT THE OFF ICE III21


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OUT 0 RANGE lWHO \5 IT N t> WHAT O lDT-HEY~~_,) ~~ WANT-?

IER,NO) N OTTONITE"- .THAN:K6

.M Y WIFE WANTED TO "..,__-.;:k : N O W IF tD L'kcA 'HO T L ITTLE' 0 1 5 1 - 1 ' rORSUPPER" TONIT~ I- .

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. N1...i'f"- ~,-A.-.

~--.".

c ,


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Whether Or No!It must have been cold last night because I heardthe girl next door telling her boyfriend to keephis shirt on.

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"H O PE YO U DO N 'T M I D . I 'M T RY ING T O K EP IT CRISP FO R A DATETONIGHll" T


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C 6GO R6i: ~ .ICENSl-4~" ~"I CA S E YO U H A VE A NY. IDEA S A BO UT GET T ING T O FIRS T BA S E , I 'M

BRINGING MO T H ER A LO NG T O UM P IREIII

Bill: "This is a swell photo of Marilyn Monroe and you skiingup in the mountains, Bob. It was nice of Joe DiMaggio tolet you take her on the trip. That's dangerous driving, youknow."Hope: "Yes, I know, Bill. Joe was very cautious, though. He. insisted I take two sets of chains-One for the car !"(Bob Hope Program)

o

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sPivaI I / /\ .

I 'S O ME PE9PLE , DR INK CO NFUSES -O TH ERS , IT A MUS ES )"


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-.... La

z #_____...a ~- --~-- - - - - - - - - - - - - ~ - -- - nit"c' i l i t J L & c l I '-

.,.,-. . . . . . . _

.__",..-.~ ... .., "' .. '"

"IDIOTSI NOW NOBODY IS ON BOARD ANYMOREI"31


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SLEEP TI1HTt1ATTRE~S c . . o.

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S EN T ENCE -FO R L IFE R O SIE O 'N EA L,A ND SLO WLY WA LlED A WA YI"

"AND SO S A YIN G, S H E T UIN ED O N 11IE H EEL.


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Gert: "The actions of my new boyfriend have the mark of agentleman. "Myrt: "They do1"Gert: "I'll say. I'm not nearly as black and blue after a datewith him as I am with the other boys!"

* * ** * *Bill: "I had a lot of luck the last time I went fishing."

Gil: "You did 1"Bill: "Sure. I ran into a dozen girls from a nearby nudistcolony who were in swimming !"

Larry: "I nearly got killed on account of my feet 1 "Harry: "What happened ? "Larry: "They were seen sticking out from under a bed!"

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A o0'IIIIt,. a'-l" .

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"YOU'RE TOO FUSSY!WHY DON/T YOU BUY A NEW CAR?'I34


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-ao

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", WITH OR WITHOUT MUSTARD?"36


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"ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK ME UP?"37


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4t~Att(1./"WH EW I WELL - N EXT SUNDA Y YO U M EET MY FA M llY I"

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"NEVER M IND, N IXO N . I 'D L IK E T O GET IT O N H IGH R AUTHORITY."43

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I SPIVO

r

'- \ . . .


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IIGOSH-I JUST HATE TO A SK YOU TO EXHALEI".45


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"IOOK AT H ER ; CH IP CH IP CH IP I"46


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PA TSPRESS ED. ::::----WHILE II.:~

WAITI _;;,-

,"H EY , B RING BACK T H OS E S LA CK S ; I LEn SOMETH ING IN THEMI "47


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48"SHOW ME HOW YOU DO IT AND NAME YOUR OWN PRICE!"


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II I FIND T H A T T H E IN T IM A TE TEC HN IQUE O F SE LL IN G IS T H E B ES T -M AYWE TA LK IN YO UR DEN -I"49


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SUCH TN NGS HA PPE N 10 M E WHEN WE A R E D A NCING

Although many folks insistedWoman was a mystery,That no mortal man could fathom,I just laughed at 'em, you see;

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I just listened to their raving,As I winked the other eye;"Dames," I snorted, "can't be riddlesTo.a really clever guy!"


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S UCH TH INGS HAPPEN TO MEWHEN WE AR E D ANCING

Then I made it my chief businessTo be studying the frails,So I lamped 'em at their laborsAnd I camped upon their trails;

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SUCH THINGS HA PPEN TO M E WHE WE ARE DANCING

Oh! I dined 'em and I wined 'em.With a vigor and a vim;"Hep to women?" I would chuckle,"Well, I reckon I'm that him!"53


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,SUCH THINGS HAPPEN TO ME WHEN WE ARE DANCING

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Blonde and brunette charmers heldme,And I spent a pile of rocksIn my seeking after knowledge,While I got some awful shocks,


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SUCH THINGS HAPPE ,N TO M E WHEN WEARE DANCING

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But I'm here to tell the wide worldAnd, if needs be, I will fight,That the folks, who call damesriddles,Have the dope that's really right.


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SHOR T SHAKE S 'Jerry: "Just to please her new feller, Dean, my cousin Selmais going to have an operation on her nose." .Dean: "What's she gonna do? Have it straightened a bit 1 " ,Jerry: "No ... She's gonna have itput between her eyes!"

Hope: "My Uncle George is a policeman, Bill. He pounded abeat for 20 years. Walked so much his feet spread."Bill: "Oh, that's too bad, Bob. Couldn't the captain do some-thing for him?"Hope: "Oh, that captain! He made things a lot worse. Whenmy uncle complained, he gave him a desk job I"(Bob Hope Show)* * *

* * *Judy: "When we were engaged last summer, Joe gave me ayellow diamond the size of a traffic light!"Aunt: "But you don't wear it, Judy. What ha?,pened?"Ju4y: "The traffic changed. It turned green! '(Judy Canova Sketch)* * *ergen: "Mortimer, it's time you got over your shyness andbashfulness about girls. Did you go over to visit that nicelittle girl who just moved in next door, like I told you 1"Snerd: "Yes, I did, Bergen." ,Bergen: "And did you see her?"Snerd : "I'sure did .... And if I hadn't ducked behind a bush,she'd have seen me, too!"* * *Sapphire: "George Stevens, with that hundred dollars youwon on the quizprogram, how about paying this dentist'sbill that's been layin' around here for six months T"Kingfish: "No dear. I figgered on using it to pay some of theold ones first!"

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With Violet cuddled in his arms,He sped along-poor Willie.Where once he held his Violet-He's holding now a lilly!(Garry Moore Show)56


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-"GO GET A MA N O F YOUR OWN . T H IS IS ELLA 'S BOYFRIEND'"

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Lem: "My girl certainly kept me onmy toes last night."Clem: "Did you go to the party with her?"Lem: "No, I was peeping through her window."

* * *\ ,I , , ,\ \' , J ' , ,'I. ,,~" II. , t ,t \, . . . ,> "t.II- , It. . . ".

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"SAY, I'LL In THESE ALMY SUMMER NIGHTS REALLY ARE ICE OUTHEREI"58


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QUOTEWORD PUZZLE - BY BORIS RANDOLPHThe words in the octagonal cells below are those of a well-known

proverb. Find those words first and you will have quite a few clues tohelp you solve the rest of the puzzle.

DOWN

(See page 70 for solution!)

ACROSS1.Greek letter4 . Snake7. Slice

10. Integrity12. Girl's name13. Measure of length14. North African language16.Meadow17. Plant part18. Musical note19. Has being20. English article21. Finest23. Owed24. Nourished25. Highlander27. Instead of28. Mother30. Man's name31. Story33. Ungentlemanly man34. Course36. Opera tune37. Climbing vine38~Caption .40. River in Great Britain41. Sea Eagle42.Winged insect

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.1. Cayenne pepper source2 '. Sharpens3. Peruvian Indian4. While6. Condition6. Funeral fire7. Baby animal8. Basic amounts9. Silent

11.Expression of inquiry15.Material for beads17. Feminine pronoun20 -frutti, a flavoring22. Man~sname23. Accomplish24. Enemy25. Palatable26. Spice27. Airman28. One of our 48 states29. Saying32. Pain33. Baby's bed35. Alkaline solution36. Newspaper notice39. One


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