COLOUREDerismI just made it a thing

jou ma se taal

by Kelly Poole

082 374 2993 | poole.kel@gmail.com | smilemetmy.tumblr.com

for more:

March 2013

I have collected everything in this book from people in the coloured community. Some of the contents are things I have experienced myself, I’m not trying to sell this information as “factual”. I do not wish to offend anyone by making this book, my goal is to give people (coloured and otherwise) a good laugh so that they can realise that even though stereo-types exist, we shouldn’t take everything so seriously. We should just laugh it off, because most of the time, it’s hilarious.

coloured

— n(formerly, in South Africa) a racial classification under apartheid for people of mixed ethnic origin.

dictionary.com

s u p e r s t i t i o n s

1

One should not lie down and eat, as it is believed that you would then grow horns on your head. For real.

eating

It is believed that the owl is a symbol of death. If an owl is to sit on the roof of your house, someone in the house will die.

Therefore, it is also not ideal to have any owl inspired items (jewelry, clothing, ornaments etc.).

owl

Just after midnight, one should walk backwards into the house so that the ghosts won’t be able to follow your

footsteps inside the house.

midnight

If your left hand is itching, it means you will get money. If your right hand itches, it means you will greet someone.

hands

If you let a knife fall in your house, it means a man is going to come visit you.

cutlery

t h i n g s o n l y a c o l o u r e d m o t h e r

w o u l d s a y

2

Jy jy jy jy moet moet moet a a a slag lui lui luister as as as ek praat. (While you’re getting a hiding with a slipper).

Hou op met die vuurhoutjies speel, jy gaan in die kooi pee.

Ek wens jy kon so goed skoonmaak soos jy goed kan vreet.

On a Saturday morning: Julle wil nou weer lê tot die son in jou gat skyn nê, staan op en begin skoon maak! Ek sloof my af deur die week vir die boere en dan verwag julle ek moet nog op ‘n Saterdag ook soos ‘n meid werk. Ek roep nou julle Pa.

Wat eet ons vanaand Mammie? “Husse met lang ore en dusse met stomp neuse”

Trek reg jou bek wat so hang, of ek klap dit reg.

Kyk hoe stout is jy, ek roep nou vir Oupa Doellie!

3

c o l o u r e d s t o r i e s

something all coloured parents do...

When the children are lazy and wants to get their way all the time, parents always start yelling, “When I was a child, I had to walk barefoot in the heat

on the tar because my parents were too poor to buy me shoes...” Also known as the ultimate guilt trip.

4

c o l o u r e d t h i n g s

krugers

grasshoppers

5

c o l o u r e d t e r m i n o l o g y

aawe

“awe, we can go out tonight.”

— aaah whereMeaning everything from hello to yes.

chommie “hulle is alweer dik chommies.”

— also spelled tjommieMeaning chum or friend.c

ddonner

“ek gaan jou hard donner!”

— dawn nherMeaning beating. “I wil beat you up.”

ffok

“fok, ek’t skoon vergeet.”

— curse wordMeaning fuck. “Fuck, I forgot!”