collaborative problem-solving and dispute resolution...
TRANSCRIPT
L A T A S H I A C R E N S H A W
L . N . C . C O N S U L T I N G & A S S O C I A T E S , L L C
Collaborative Problem-Solving and Dispute Resolution in Special
Education
A Brief Introduction to the World of Special Education
Since it’s beginning in 1975 as Public Law 94-142, special education law has emerged as one of the main protectors of the rights of children with disabilities in America.
This law was created in response to complaints that children with disabilities were receiving an inferior education, often in isolation from nondisabled children.
The law was updated in 1997 and in 2004. The purpose of the law is to protect the rights of children
with disabilities, and make sure they receive a Free Appropriate Public Education (FAPE).
FREE means that there can be no cost to the parents, and APPROPRIATE means that the children will get what they need to learn in spite of their disabilities.
Why Special Education Law is Complex
Parents and teachers have the same ultimate goal: the success of their students
Why can’t parents and teachers sit down and figure out what’s best for the child if there is a disagreement? School may have overall goal of serving all students equally with
their available resources. Parents may have the goal of getting the best education for their
children even if it is more expensive than normal.
Trust and communication We become less formal and detailed when we trust someone. We trust that plan will be carried out and our ability to communicate
with the other party will resolve any differences.
Law carefully designed to respond to important concerns and issues
Special Education, Trust, and Good Agreements
What’s best for the child can always drive our decisions, rather than an adherence to ‘what the law says we should do’.
Ability to be successful in building this kind of trust will stem largely from our skills as dispute resolvers, problem solvers and communicators, as well as from our commitment to responsibly carry out what we agree to do.
Mental Preparation
The key to successful problem solving starts with our own minds.
It involves an awareness of our emotions, our level of tension, and being in the best possible frame of mind to approach our situation
Mental Preparation: Being in the flow; Being Centered
Mental Preparation: Being in the Flow; Being Centered
In a flowing and centered response we are:
Emotionally and intellectually involved in what’s going on
Know what we are feeling and able to sense what others are feeling
Not controlled by our emotions or the emotions of others
Sensitive to the timing of things and the needs of others as they arise
Masters of ourselves and of the situation
Clear of our interests and seek to just as clearly understand the interests of others
Not driven by anger, by fear of conflict or fear of loss, or by greed
Choosing an Empathic Response
We fully accept (not necessarily agree!) with what the person is saying to us
We refrain from responding with judgment, blame, or criticism
Consciously connecting with others, and forming the basis for good communication, problem solving, and a more peaceful world
Empathy is something that cannot be faked; if we are insincere, people soon feel betrayed and used.
Empathy is hard to pull off when someone is coming at us in a threatening or attacking manner-criticizing, blaming and judging us.
Also hard when someone directly contradicts some of our deeply held views and values.
Choosing an Empathic Response: A Personal Response Checklist
Marshall B. Rosenberg’s Non-violent Communication STEP 1: Observation
Take a step back and objectively observe the situation
STEP 2: Feeling Get in touch with our own emotional responses to an event or communication Events stimulate feelings within us, but people do not ‘cause’ us to feel a certain
way. Feeling words “I feel misunderstood” vs. hurt or angry If we own our feelings, if they are ours, we always have the
possibility of changing them should we desire.
STEP 3: Needs Feelings are indicators of basic needs.
STEP 4: Request Request what we want from another based upon our needs. A request is not a demand.
Communication Skills
The Three Components of Communication
Verbal Messages-the words we choose
Paraverbal Messages-how we say the words Tone, pacing, volume of voices
Nonverbal Messages-our body language
These Three Components are Used To:
1. Send clear, concise messages
2. Receive and correctly understand messages sent to us
Sending Messages: Verbal Messages
Effective verbal messages: Are brief, succinct, and organized
Are free of jargon
Do not create resistance in the listener
Choose words that normalize the issues and reduce resistance
“In some districts, people may…”, “it’s not uncommon for…”
Sending Messages: Nonverbal Messages
Account for about 55% of what is perceived and understood by others.
Are conveyed through our facial expressions as well as our postures and gestures.
You cannot not communicate.
Facial Expressions Postures and Gestures
Sending Messages: Paraverbal Messages
How we say something, not what we say
Account for 38% of what is perceived and understood by others.
Include tone, pitch, and pacing of our voice.
Receiving Messages: Listening
Requires concentration and energy.
Involves a psychological connection with the speaker.
Includes a desire and willingness to try and see things from another’s perspective.
Requires that we suspend judgment and evaluation.
Receiving Messages: Key Listening Skills
Nonverbal Give full physical attention to the speaker.
Leaning gently towards the speaker. Maintaining open posture with arms and legs
uncrossed. Appropriate head nodding and facial expressions
Be aware of the speaker’s nonverbal message.
Verbal Pay attention to the words and feelings that are being
expressed. Use reflective listening tools such as paraphrasing,
reflecting, summarizing, and questioning to increase understanding of the message and help the speaker tell his story.
Receiving Messages: Verbal Communication Tools
Paraphrasing- a brief succinct statement reflecting the content of the speaker’s message
Reflecting Feeling- a statement, in a way that conveys understanding of the feeling that the listener has heard
Summarizing- a statement of the main ideas and feelings to show understanding
Questioning- asking open questions to gain information, encourage the speaker to tell her story, and gain clarification
Verbal Communication Barriers
Attacking (interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming) “If you were doing your job and supervising Chris in the lunch line
we probably wouldn’t be in this situation, would we.”
“Have you gotten Ben to the doctor for his medical check-up?”
“From what I can see, you don’t have the training to teach a child with ADHD. Obviously if you did you would be using different strategies that wouldn’t make her feel like a bad person.”
“You Messages” (moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing) “You obviously don’t realize that if you were following the same
steps we do at home you wouldn’t be having this problem.”
“You don’t seem to understand how important it is for your child to get this help. Don’t you see that he’s well on his way to becoming a sociopath?”
Verbal Communication Barriers
Showing Power (ordering, threatening, commanding, directing) “If you don’t voluntarily agree to this evaluation we can take
you to due process. Go ahead and file a complaint if you want to.”
I’m going to write a letter of complaint to the superintendent and have this in your file if you don’t stop humiliating my son in front of his classmates. I know my rights.”
Other verbal barriers: shouting, name calling, refusing to speak
Nonverbal Communication Barriers
Flashing or rolling eyes
Quick or slow movements
Arms crossed, legs crossed
Gestures made with exasperation
Slouching, hunching over
Poor personal care
Doodling
Staring at people or avoiding eye contact
Excessive fidgeting with materials
How Conflict is Created
Conflict occurs when one party decides that the way things are is not ok and seeks change, but that change is not agreed to by the other party.
It only takes one party to initiate conflict.
The other party is drawn into the conflict whether they want to or not unless they are free to leave the situation. In a public school setting, the parent nor the school can leave ,
unless the parent pulls the student from the school system entirely.
Why Conflict is Unpleasant for Us
Lack of confidence in our ability to successfully resolve disputes
To avoid conflict we may: Pave over conflict with superficial gestures or social masking
Blame, talk, or complain about the situation with friends or third parties (while failing to talk directly to the other party we are in disagreement with).
Contract with a lawyer/advocate as a ‘hired gun’ to deal with our problems
Conflict in the Ancient World
Three hardwired ancient responses Fight
Flee
Play dead
Conflict in the Modern World
Psychological threats –self[-esteem, relationships we value, and success
Psychological threats trigger amygdala the same as physical threats
Have to adapt to civility Can’t punch someone in the nose
Run away down the street
Can’t play dead
Three Most Common Responses to Conflict
Fighting Mirrors ancient fight response
Avoiding Variant to fight response
Acquiescing Resolving conflict by choosing to give in to the other’s
demands , i.e. playing dead
Does what we are doing represent the best approach we can use right now in order to most successfully
solve the problem at hand?
Fighting
Fighting Take sides
Become caught up in the emotional energy surrounding the dispute “hot around the collar”
In touch with their feelings and feelings of those on their side of their dispute
One-sided emotional involvement mean’s fighter’s ability to see clearly is limited since they are convinced that their side is right
Tend to see the world in black and white terms: there is a right side or a wrong side, and they are on the right side
Most appropriate when there is a legal point which must be decided, there is a moral issue at stake, or when having a clear winner or loser will not long-term damage to an ongoing relationship.
Avoiding
Avoiders Protect selves by putting up mental wall
Reluctant to jump into conflict the way someone with a fighting response would even though they want to win
“I don’t want to deal with this. Maybe if I do nothing about it, it will go away.”
Avoiding means dealing with the conflict from a safe emotional distance Specific details get lost the farther away one is
Give time and space to conflict when possible Time heals all wounds
People are mood driven and a day or even an hour can make the difference in their willingness to engage productively
Acquiescing
Simply giving in
Drops demand and let other party have what they want
“It’s just not worth the fight.”
May end up feeling used, abused, manipulated and angry…thereby sowing seeds of future conflict
May look weakness (i.e. giving in) but may actually be strength Seen the big picture; Prepared to lose the battle to win the war
Beginning to Look at Conflict in a New Way
Conflict and disagreements have a good side
Conflict is the main vehicle through which change takes place in our society.
Conflict is evolutionary and absolutely necessary
Need to expand skills to resolve conflict positively rather than shy away from it
Learning to resolve conflict can lead to better relationships overall
The Conflict Triangle
CONTENT NEEDS People have a need to resolve what they believe the conflict is
about. This is the “issue” that people bring to the problem solving
table. This is the “what” of the conflict. Dealing with the “what” is important, but by itself it may not
be enough.
PROCESS NEEDS People have needs to participate in a process that is
fundamentally fair and just. This is the “how” of the conflict. A conflict about process can be resolved by one person who has
the power making decision about ‘how’ things will be addressed, but this may be satisfying or comfortable for the other.
PSYCHOLOGICAL NEEDS People have psychological or personal needs. This is the “who” of the conflict. Even if we deal with the “what” and the “how” , we can get
tripped up if people in conflict don’t feel they are being treated well or with respect.
Content
Each person has something they want to achieve.
Often expressed as position or solution
Examples My child needs a full-time assistant.
My child is not to be pulled out of the classroom for reading instruction.
I use this reading approach with all of my students.
I’m not able to correspond daily with you in a communication notebook.
Process
Conflict occurs when people have violated expectations around process.
If there is an unresolved process issue, the conflict is likely to continue in some manner even if the content issues are resolved.
Examples: How a meeting is set up or the date is established How decisions are made At what point information is shared with others A sense of having information withheld A sense that decisions are made prior to meeting Holding meetings where the people with the power to make decisions
are not present. Poorly run or disorganized meetings A sense that something is being forced upon you without your input
Psychological
When conflict is present and we feel under stress we may not be performing at our best.
It is important that we feel treated well.
People have basic needs to feel: Listened to
Valued and counted
Supported
Respected
Recognized
Collaborative Problem-Solving vs. Being Positional
A position Is one solution to a problem
Problem-Solving from Positions is Limited Because: It can be inefficient
It can produce unwise agreements
It can be hard on the relationship
The advantages of working collaboratively to solve problems Working with interests often results in the identification of more
possible solutions than we originally considered;
By “expanding the pie” , we end up with fair agreements that potentially meet more of our needs and are “win-win” rather than “win-lose”
Creates greater satisfaction for all of the parties and promotes a foundation for future problem solving that is respectful and energizing rather than negative and depleting
Thoughts about Preparation
Carving out time to prepare for an important meeting PRIOR to the meeting may be difficult for all.
Preparation may be limited to figuring out your position and what you’ll settle for.
Preparing for Collaborative Problem-Solving
Figure out your interests
Figure out their interests
Think of some options that would meet the interests
Consider what a fair standard might be
Keep an open mind
A Model for Collaborative Problem Solving
Share perspectives Use our communication skills to understand the other’s perception of the
situation, their needs, and desires
Define the issues Clarify the topics of discussion
Identify the interests Go beyond the stated positions or solutions to figure out what the parties really
need to have satisfied in order to reach agreement Look for the common ground between all parties
Generate options Brainstorm and generate ideas, looking at the problem from all angles and
considering as many different ideas as possible.
Develop a fair standard or objective criteria for deciding Using an agreed upon criteria, combine and reduce options Strive to “expand the pie” and create agreements for mutual gain
Evaluate options and reach agreement
Techniques for Narrowing the Field of Options
Baby Steps
Problem solving usually proceeds in baby steps, rather than going from ‘problem’ to ‘solution’ in one giant leap
Asking good questions combined with artful listening can point the way to the next baby step.
Solutions for Common Problems
A List of Joining Strategies
Listen intently and actively
Acknowledge the strength of their position
Acknowledge the validity of their feelings
Acknowledge them as a person (authority, generosity, competence, etc)
Apologize if it is appropriate to do so
Use humor
Change the timing or take a break
Use Yes…and, rather than Yes…but
Ask questions that elicit a yes response
Make a language change from you to us
Refocus the Discussion or Reframe the Issues
Refusing/reforming strategies Appropriate summarizing
Normalization
Generate a hypothesis to explore
Move the discussion from the past to the future
Perform a relevancy check
Deal with their Emotional Baggage
Educate and be the Angel of Reality
Questions to make people think or challenge them: What would happen if…(insert factual content)?
Questions to gather, clarify, or provide information: Am I correct in understanding this issue, which is…?
Questions which have a reality check quality? So if we spend all of the money now, what would be the
consequences of that?
Questions which reveal your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement (your BATNA) I wonder how long a court order would take to obtain?
Questions which cast doubt upon an assumption Did he give you a guarantee that you would win if this goes to a fair
hearing?
Contact Information
Latashia Crenshaw
Educational Consultant/Dispute Resolution Specialist
L.N.C. Consulting & Associates, LLC
www.lcconsultingassociates.com