coherence menu exit how could this paragraph be revised to read more smoothly? the year 1968 was a...
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How could this paragraph be revised to read more smoothly?
The year 1968 was a year of crisis. The Vietnam war
escalated dramatically. There were many more civilian and
military deaths. Antiwar protestors mobilized and conflicts
with the police sometimes became violent. Over 50,000
antiwar protesters marched on the Pentagon, and on college
campuses, antiwar protesters often clashed with police.
1968 brought the assassinations of two powerful leaders—
Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy.
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Coherence
This paragraph now reads smoothly because it uses transitions, pronouns, and synonyms to establish coherence.
The year1968 was a year of crisis. In Vietnam, the war
escalated dramatically and resulted in many more civilian
and military deaths. At home, antiwar protestors mobilized
and conflicts with the police sometimes became violent. Over
50,000 peace activists marched on the Pentagon, and on
college campuses, they often clashed with police. Perhaps
worst of all, 1968 brought the assassinations of two powerful
leaders—Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy.
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An essay or paragraph is coherent when the parts fit together logically and the ideas are connected.
Coherence
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•using transitional words and phrases
•repeating similar words throughout
Coherence can be achieved by
An essay or paragraph is coherent when the parts fit together logically and the ideas are connected.
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The following techniques can be used to create coherence. Click on the technique you want to explore.
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•Effective Transitions
•Pronouns
•Synonyms
•Repetition
•Rephrasing
•Consistent Word Choice
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Effective Transitions
Coherence
Transitional words and phrases such as these can make the relationship between ideas clear.
Sequence Cause/Effect Comparison/Contrast
Degree of Importance
first
third
last
because
consequently
since
however
unlike
yet
most important
worst
main
i
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Effective Transitions
Many people think downhill skiing and cross-country skiing are
similar. They require specialized ski gear, athletic fitness, and
endurance. They require different skills. A downhill skier travels
at high speed down steep slopes and must react quickly to
sudden turns and obstacles. The skier works with gravity. The
cross-country skier travels over fairly level trails at a relatively
slow speed. The skier works against gravity.
How might transitions help to connect the ideas in this paragraph?
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Effective Transitions
Many people think downhill skiing and cross-country skiing are
similar. However, although both require specialized ski gear,
athletic fitness, and endurance, each requires different skills.
For example, a downhill skier travels at high speed down
steep slopes and must react quickly to sudden turns and
obstacles. The skier works with gravity. In contrast, the cross-
country skier travels over fairly level trails at a relatively slow
speed. The skier works against gravity.
The transitions help to connect the ideas in this paragraph. They tie the paragraph together by showing how the two kinds of skiing are alike and different.
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PronounsPronouns can keep ideas connected and the writing concise.
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Pronouns
The huge bull elephant stepped forward, shaking its mammoth
trunk and tusks violently, threateningly. The chain rattled, and
then it broke. The other elephants hung back. They seemed to
be waiting to see what would happen. Unlike the bull, these
were usually docile animals, but they were nervous now, and
dangerous.
Where are the pronouns in this paragraph?
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Pronouns can keep ideas connected and the writing concise.
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Pronouns
What ideas do these pronouns connect to?
Pronouns can keep ideas connected and the writing concise.
Click to see the connected ideas
The huge bull elephant stepped forward, shaking its mammoth
trunk and tusks violently, threateningly. The chain rattled, and
then it broke. The other elephants hung back. They seemed to
be waiting to see what would happen. Unlike the bull, these
were usually docile animals, but they were nervous now, and
dangerous.
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Pronouns
The huge bull elephant stepped forward, shaking its mammoth
trunk and tusks violently, threateningly. The chain rattled, and
then it broke. The other elephants hung back. They seemed to
be waiting to see what would happen. Unlike the bull, these
were usually docile animals, but they were nervous now, and
dangerous.
What ideas do these pronouns connect to?
Pronouns can keep ideas connected and the writing concise.
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SynonymsUsing a series of synonyms or closely related words helps hold ideas together.
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Click to see the related words
Synonyms
They met with no more adventures that night, moving quietly
along the edges of the fields under the dim light of a quarter
moon. The half-darkness was full of sounds and movement.
Once Acorn put up a plover, which flew around them, calling
shrilly, until at length they crossed a bank and left it behind.
Soon after, somewhere near them, they heard the unceasing
bubbling of a nightjar—a peaceful sound, without menace, which
died gradually away as they pushed on.
—Richard Adams, Watership
Down
Look for synonyms and near synonyms in the following paragraph.
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Synonyms
They met with no more adventures that night, moving quietly
along the edges of the fields under the dim light of a quarter
moon. The half-darkness was full of sounds and movement.
Once Acorn put up a plover, which flew around them, calling
shrilly, until at length they crossed a bank and left it behind.
Soon after, somewhere near them, they heard the unceasing
bubbling of a nightjar—a peaceful sound, without menace,
which died gradually away as they pushed on.
—Richard Adams, Watership
Down
Look for synonyms and near synonyms in the following paragraph.
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RepetitionRepeating a word or phrase throughout a piece of writing is a strategy for achieving coherence. This technique helps a writer emphasize a point and establish a rhythm.
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Repetition
God made the grass, the air and the rain; and the grass,
the air and the rain made the Irish; and the Irish turned the
grass, the air and the rain back into God.
—Sean O’Faolain,
“Ireland”
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Repeating a word or phrase throughout a piece of writing is a strategy for achieving coherence. This technique helps a writer emphasize a point and establish a rhythm.
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Repetition
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Repeating a word or phrase throughout a piece of writing is a strategy for achieving coherence. This technique helps a writer emphasize a point and establish a rhythm.
God made the grass, the air and the rain; and the grass,
the air and the rain made the Irish; and the Irish turned the
grass, the air and the rain back into God.
—Sean O’Faolain,
“Ireland”
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RephrasingCoherence between paragraphs can be achieved by taking a phrase that occurred near the end of one paragraph and rephrasing it near the beginning of the following paragraph.
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What is the rephrased idea in the second paragraph?
. . . Harry knew it must be that dark and unknown beast who haunted the forest, and whom he had unwittingly disturbed in its lair two weeks ago. Now it followed him.
As Harry sped up, this creature out of his wildest nightmares kept pace with him.
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Rephrasing
Click to see the rephrased idea
Coherence between paragraphs can be achieved by taking a phrase that occurred near the end of one paragraph and rephrasing it near the beginning of the following paragraph.
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RephrasingCoherence between paragraphs can be achieved by taking a phrase that occurred near the end of one paragraph and rephrasing it near the beginning of the following paragraph.
What is the rephrased idea in the second paragraph?
. . . Harry knew it must be that dark and unknown beast who haunted the forest, and whom he had unwittingly disturbed in its lair two weeks ago. Now it followed him.
As Harry sped up, this creature out of his wildest nightmares kept pace with him.
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Rephrasing
beast = creature
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Coherence between paragraphs can be achieved by taking a phrase that occurred near the end of one paragraph and rephrasing it near the beginning of the following paragraph.
What is the rephrased idea in the second paragraph?
. . . Harry knew it must be that dark and unknown beast who haunted the forest, and whom he had unwittingly disturbed in its lair two weeks ago. Now it followed him.
As Harry sped up, this creature out of his wildest nightmares kept pace with him. i
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Consistent Word ChoiceCoherence can be achieved by choosing words that help create a single mood or tone throughout the writing.
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Consistent Word Choice
In this paragraph, which words help create a coherent mood?
The figure was tall and gaunt, and shrouded from head to foot
in the habiliments of the grave. The mask which concealed the
visage was made so nearly to resemble the countenance of a
stiffened corpse that the closest scrutiny must have difficulty in
detecting the cheat. . . . His vesture was dabbed in blood. . . .
—Edgar Allan Poe, “The Masque of the Red Death”
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Coherence can be achieved by choosing words that help create a single mood or tone throughout the writing.
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Consistent Word Choice
Notice how these words all reinforce a somber, ominous mood.
The figure was tall and gaunt, and shrouded from head to foot
in the habiliments of the grave. The mask which concealed the
visage was made so nearly to resemble the countenance of a
stiffened corpse that the closest scrutiny must have difficulty in
detecting the cheat. . . . His vesture was dabbed in blood. . . .
—Edgar Allan Poe, “The Masque of the Red Death”
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Coherence can be achieved by choosing words that help create a single mood or tone throughout the writing.