close reading li: i will be able to identify language features and consider their effect

Close ReadingClose Reading

LI: I will be able to identify LI: I will be able to identify language features and language features and consider their effect.consider their effect.

The CodeThe Code

►U – understandingU – understanding►A – analysis A – analysis ►E – evaluation E – evaluation

UnderstandingUnderstanding

These are basically These are basically whatwhat questions! questions!

You are being tested on how well you You are being tested on how well you understand the points made by the writer of understand the points made by the writer of

the passage. the passage.

Look out for words such as ‘explain’ or ‘line of Look out for words such as ‘explain’ or ‘line of thought’ in the question.thought’ in the question.

You You needneed to use your own words for these to use your own words for these questions!!questions!!

Your answers for understanding questions Your answers for understanding questions do not need to be complex. The point of do not need to be complex. The point of them is to show that you can paraphrase them is to show that you can paraphrase

or describe in your own words. or describe in your own words.

Understanding questions may ask you to Understanding questions may ask you to summarise key points from a passage. summarise key points from a passage. For questions like these it is acceptable For questions like these it is acceptable

to write in note form or use bullet points.to write in note form or use bullet points.

AnalysisAnalysis

These are basically These are basically howhow and and whichwhich techniquetechnique questions. questions.

You are being asked to show how writers use particular You are being asked to show how writers use particular techniques to get their points across effectively. techniques to get their points across effectively.

Look out for words such as ‘show how’ or ‘the effect of’.Look out for words such as ‘show how’ or ‘the effect of’.

You score 0 for picking out the words/techniques, You score 0 for picking out the words/techniques, all your marks depend on the quality of your all your marks depend on the quality of your

comment. comment.

EvaluationEvaluation

These are These are how well how well questions.questions.

You are given the opportunity to express your You are given the opportunity to express your opinion about the ideas and/or styles of opinion about the ideas and/or styles of

writing in the passages. writing in the passages.

Look for words such as ‘how effective’ or ‘to Look for words such as ‘how effective’ or ‘to what extent’. what extent’.

You need to give a considered opinion You need to give a considered opinion that continually refers to the passage.that continually refers to the passage.

The MarksThe Marks

►How many marks is a question worth?How many marks is a question worth?►Make sure the depth of your answer is Make sure the depth of your answer is

suitablesuitable►Never assume you will get a mark for Never assume you will get a mark for

a quotation and a mark for your a quotation and a mark for your analysisanalysis

►1 quote+comment = a mark1 quote+comment = a mark►Cover your own back!Cover your own back!

Basically………Basically………

►You have to read a passage, think You have to read a passage, think about how and why it has been written about how and why it has been written and answer questions on it.and answer questions on it.

LanguageLanguage

►Sentence structureSentence structure► ImageryImagery►Word choice Word choice ►ToneTone

Sentence structure QuestionsSentence structure Questions

► If you’re being asked about the effect of If you’re being asked about the effect of sentence structure, chances are you’re sentence structure, chances are you’re being asked about something that you’ll being asked about something that you’ll have noticed already.have noticed already.

►They are not trick questions.They are not trick questions.►Something obvious will be happening. Something obvious will be happening.

You just need to look for it!You just need to look for it!►You then need to decide what the effect You then need to decide what the effect

is!is!

Most common things to look Most common things to look for….for….

►RepetitionRepetition►Word order (Inversion)Word order (Inversion)►Types of sentencesTypes of sentences►PunctuationPunctuation►PatternsPatterns►Climax Climax ►Parenthesis Parenthesis ►Lists Lists

Sentence structure tasksSentence structure tasks

1.1. Name the types of sentences there Name the types of sentences there are.are.

How do you recognise these types of How do you recognise these types of sentences?sentences?

What do they do?What do they do?

2.2. Name all of the punctuation marks Name all of the punctuation marks there are.there are.

What do they do?What do they do?

StatementsStatements

ExclamationsExclamations

Minor SentencesMinor Sentences

CommandsCommands

QuestionsQuestions

ParenthesisParenthesis

► A parenthesis is an extra piece of information A parenthesis is an extra piece of information inserted into a sentence and enclosed by a pair of inserted into a sentence and enclosed by a pair of commas, brackets or dashes.commas, brackets or dashes.

► A parenthesis may add significant detail or make A parenthesis may add significant detail or make something more clear. something more clear.

► A parenthesis may affect the tone by adding a A parenthesis may affect the tone by adding a comment, which might be comment, which might be humoroushumorous or or ironicironic. .

► The writer may put an ‘aside’ in parenthesis to The writer may put an ‘aside’ in parenthesis to show their true opinion. show their true opinion.

► If a parenthesis were removed from the sentence, If a parenthesis were removed from the sentence, it would still make sense.it would still make sense.

►Commas (,)Commas (,) separate phrases and separate phrases and clauses within a sentence, divide a list.clauses within a sentence, divide a list. When I went to Tesco I bought bread, jam, When I went to Tesco I bought bread, jam,

eggs, milk, apples, sugar and tea.eggs, milk, apples, sugar and tea. Everyone was in there. Gran, Grandad, Auntie Everyone was in there. Gran, Grandad, Auntie

Millie, Uncle Gary, Susan and even the twins!Millie, Uncle Gary, Susan and even the twins!

►A colon (:)A colon (:) introduces a quotation or a introduces a quotation or a list; an explanation or elaboration; or a list; an explanation or elaboration; or a summing up. To use it, the part after the summing up. To use it, the part after the colon CANNOT make sense on its own. colon CANNOT make sense on its own. It was a dull day in London: rain poured, It was a dull day in London: rain poured,

clouds hovered and people dragged clouds hovered and people dragged themselves down the streets.themselves down the streets.

►A semi-colon (;)A semi-colon (;) finishes off one part of the sentence. It finishes off one part of the sentence. It may be used instead of a conjunction to separate two may be used instead of a conjunction to separate two principle clauses in a sentence. Both sides of the semi-principle clauses in a sentence. Both sides of the semi-colon must make sense on their own.colon must make sense on their own. I was astounded that he had found me; I had always been so I was astounded that he had found me; I had always been so

careful.careful. The whole Milton family arrived: Gran and Grandad had come The whole Milton family arrived: Gran and Grandad had come

from Aberdeen; Auntie Millie had driven all the way up from from Aberdeen; Auntie Millie had driven all the way up from Leicester; Uncle Gary and Susan had taken the weekend off Leicester; Uncle Gary and Susan had taken the weekend off work; and even the twins had flown in from France!work; and even the twins had flown in from France!

There were further, smaller parts to be played in the gently There were further, smaller parts to be played in the gently rolling drama of this morning. There was a second maid, but, rolling drama of this morning. There was a second maid, but, unlike Marguerite, she did not live in the house; There was a unlike Marguerite, she did not live in the house; There was a cook, who had a room somewhere on the first floor; And there cook, who had a room somewhere on the first floor; And there was a boy from the butcher's who came to take an order and was a boy from the butcher's who came to take an order and one from the grocer's who delivers two heavy boxes to the one from the grocer's who delivers two heavy boxes to the back door.back door.

► Inverted commas (‘ ’) or (“ ”)Inverted commas (‘ ’) or (“ ”) mark quotations, mark quotations, direct speech, foreign words or words used in an direct speech, foreign words or words used in an unusual way. (Italics may be used similarly)unusual way. (Italics may be used similarly) When Proctor screams ‘God id dead!’ the audience is When Proctor screams ‘God id dead!’ the audience is

shocked and worried.shocked and worried. This phenomenon of ‘tweeting’ will die away like all the This phenomenon of ‘tweeting’ will die away like all the

other fads.other fads.

►A dash (-)A dash (-) can function like a colon to introduce a can function like a colon to introduce a quotation, list, explanation, elaboration or quotation, list, explanation, elaboration or summing up; two dashes can mark off a summing up; two dashes can mark off a parenthesis.parenthesis. I ran and ran all the way to the hospital – but it was too I ran and ran all the way to the hospital – but it was too

late.late. I demanded a better explanation – he said that this was I demanded a better explanation – he said that this was

life.life. He rolled him eyes – like he always did – and sighed.He rolled him eyes – like he always did – and sighed.

Do not…………Do not…………

► Give vague answers about the effect of the Give vague answers about the effect of the sentence structure.sentence structure.

► We all know that parenthesis adds extra We all know that parenthesis adds extra information. You have to be more specific in information. You have to be more specific in your answers. What is the extra information, your answers. What is the extra information, why do we need it, how does it affect the why do we need it, how does it affect the reader etc? reader etc?

► Lots of commas might increase the pace but Lots of commas might increase the pace but what is the effect? Excitement, panic, anger?what is the effect? Excitement, panic, anger?

► Do not answer on imagery, word choice etc if Do not answer on imagery, word choice etc if you are being asked about sentence structure!you are being asked about sentence structure!

Do…….Do…….

►Be specificBe specific►Give examplesGive examples►Explain the effectExplain the effect►Answer the question Answer the question

FormulaFormula

1.1. IdentifyIdentify the technique first. the technique first.

2.2. Quote or describeQuote or describe the features of the the features of the technique.technique.

3.3. Explain the Explain the effectseffects of the technique. of the technique. (Remember in many of these questions (Remember in many of these questions you are told the effect- your task is to you are told the effect- your task is to explain how it is created)explain how it is created)

What do you notice about the What do you notice about the sentence structure?sentence structure?

►Kerry, 28, who dropped from a size 14 Kerry, 28, who dropped from a size 14 to a size 10 last year after a $15000 to a size 10 last year after a $15000 surgery makeover, has ditched her surgery makeover, has ditched her healthy eating and exercise regime healthy eating and exercise regime and has put on almost a stone in four and has put on almost a stone in four weeks. weeks.

What do you notice about the What do you notice about the sentence structure?sentence structure?

►Kerry, 28, who dropped from a size 14 to a Kerry, 28, who dropped from a size 14 to a size 10 last year after a $15000 surgery size 10 last year after a $15000 surgery makeover, has ditched her healthy eating makeover, has ditched her healthy eating and exercise regime and has put on almost and exercise regime and has put on almost a stone in four weeks. a stone in four weeks.

►Q: How is the writer’s opinion of Kerry Q: How is the writer’s opinion of Kerry expressed through sentence structure? 2expressed through sentence structure? 2 Marks are rewarded for identifying the correct Marks are rewarded for identifying the correct

opinion, identifying the techniques (with opinion, identifying the techniques (with evidence) and explaining it correctlyevidence) and explaining it correctly

►Kerry, 28, who dropped from a size 14 to Kerry, 28, who dropped from a size 14 to a size 10 last year after a $15000 a size 10 last year after a $15000 surgery makeover, has ditched her surgery makeover, has ditched her healthy eating and exercise regime and healthy eating and exercise regime and has put on almost a stone in four weeks. has put on almost a stone in four weeks.

► The writer is disdainful/has a disrespectful The writer is disdainful/has a disrespectful attitude towards Kerry. The use of parenthesis attitude towards Kerry. The use of parenthesis ‘who dropped from a size 14…surgery ‘who dropped from a size 14…surgery makeover’, suggests Kerry did not work hard makeover’, suggests Kerry did not work hard to lose weight and that her now giving up her to lose weight and that her now giving up her healthy lifestyle is ungrateful and irresponsible healthy lifestyle is ungrateful and irresponsible so the writer has no respect for her.so the writer has no respect for her.

You wouldn’t believe Gillian is her sister. You wouldn’t believe Gillian is her sister. Her lack of make up and scraped back Her lack of make up and scraped back hair age her by over a decade, and her hair age her by over a decade, and her scruffy clothes drown her hair and scruffy clothes drown her hair and femininity. She could be Cheryl’s mum!femininity. She could be Cheryl’s mum!

You wouldn’t believe Gillian is her sister. You wouldn’t believe Gillian is her sister. Her lack of make up and scraped back Her lack of make up and scraped back hair age her by over a decade, and her hair age her by over a decade, and her scruffy clothes drown her hair and scruffy clothes drown her hair and femininity. She could be Cheryl’s mum!femininity. She could be Cheryl’s mum!

Q: How are the writer’s feelings towards Q: How are the writer’s feelings towards Gillian conveyed by sentence structure?Gillian conveyed by sentence structure?

►You wouldn’t believe Gillian is her sister. You wouldn’t believe Gillian is her sister. Her lack of make up and scraped back Her lack of make up and scraped back hair age her by over a decade, and her hair age her by over a decade, and her scruffy clothes drown her hair and scruffy clothes drown her hair and femininity. She could be Cheryl’s mum!femininity. She could be Cheryl’s mum!

► The writer feels shocked that Gillian, who is a The writer feels shocked that Gillian, who is a young woman, looks so old and terrible. The young woman, looks so old and terrible. The exclamation at the end of the paragraph ‘She exclamation at the end of the paragraph ‘She could be Cheryl’s mum!’ helps to convey this could be Cheryl’s mum!’ helps to convey this surprise. She does not do any of the things surprise. She does not do any of the things people normally do to make themselves look people normally do to make themselves look presentable.presentable.

►Shame on you if you expressed gratitude Shame on you if you expressed gratitude for a Christmas gift by firing off a quick e-for a Christmas gift by firing off a quick e-mail. If you sent a text, you should be mail. If you sent a text, you should be flayed. Anything but a handwritten thank-flayed. Anything but a handwritten thank-you letter is idleness, ill manners and you letter is idleness, ill manners and ingratitude. ingratitude.


Q: How does the sentence structure in this Q: How does the sentence structure in this paragraph convey the writer’s opinion of paragraph convey the writer’s opinion of those who do not send thank you letter? those who do not send thank you letter? 22


► The writer thinks that not sending thank you The writer thinks that not sending thank you letters in rude. This is reinforced by the list/triad letters in rude. This is reinforced by the list/triad at the end of the paragraph ‘idleness, ill manners at the end of the paragraph ‘idleness, ill manners and ingratitude.’ The list reinforces just had and ingratitude.’ The list reinforces just had terribly disrespectful she thinks this is. The use of terribly disrespectful she thinks this is. The use of alliteration helps to highlight this point to the alliteration helps to highlight this point to the reader. reader.

Word ChoiceWord Choice

► Questions relating to expression and WC look at the Questions relating to expression and WC look at the effect created by the particular choices of the effect created by the particular choices of the writer.writer.

►you are simply being asked to look at you are simply being asked to look at the words and see why the writer has the words and see why the writer has chosen those particular words to chosen those particular words to describe some thing or some feeling, describe some thing or some feeling, rather than any similar words. rather than any similar words.

►You have to consider the connotations You have to consider the connotations of the word choice.of the word choice.

►Connotations are the things associated Connotations are the things associated with a particular word.with a particular word.

►E.g. what are the connotations of the E.g. what are the connotations of the word ‘bar’? word ‘bar’?

►Emotive language: words which stir up Emotive language: words which stir up strong emotions.strong emotions.

►Used if a writer is talking about Used if a writer is talking about something tragic.something tragic.

►E.g. ‘shocking’, ‘horrifying’ and E.g. ‘shocking’, ‘horrifying’ and ‘appalling’ express stronger feelings ‘appalling’ express stronger feelings than ‘worrying’ or ‘upsetting’.than ‘worrying’ or ‘upsetting’.

►Emotive language plays on the Emotive language plays on the emotions of his readers.emotions of his readers.

Word Choice Word Choice

►Writers manipulate words and their Writers manipulate words and their readersreaders

►They choose words over others to They choose words over others to convey their meaning further without convey their meaning further without having to state the obvioushaving to state the obvious

►There are many words in the English There are many words in the English language that mean the same thing so language that mean the same thing so why are some favoured over others? why are some favoured over others? Because of their connotations...Because of their connotations...

Word ChoiceWord Choice

What are the connotations of the What are the connotations of the following words?following words?

►SecretSecret►RatRat►DiscoveryDiscovery►AngelAngel►Farm Farm

Think of another word for..............Think of another word for..............►Quiet Quiet ►FunFun►SadSad►Chat Chat

What are the connotations of these What are the connotations of these words?words?

Out of context connotationsOut of context connotationsQuietQuiet Nothing out of the Nothing out of the

ordinary, there was ordinary, there was simply no noise as simply no noise as it wasn’t necessary it wasn’t necessary to the situation, to the situation, peaceful and calm peaceful and calm atmosphereatmosphere

SilentSilent The atmosphere The atmosphere was tense and was tense and eerie, perhaps eerie, perhaps suggesting feelings suggesting feelings of fear or nerves, of fear or nerves, suggests that the suggests that the lack of noise is lack of noise is insisted uponinsisted upon

FunFun The experience or The experience or feeling is of feeling is of happiness, people are happiness, people are enjoying themselves enjoying themselves doing something nicedoing something nice

Exciting Exciting The experience is The experience is more thrilling and more thrilling and unique, adrenaline is unique, adrenaline is running and running and

SadSad The person is upset The person is upset and has been troubled and has been troubled by something but will by something but will be able to move onbe able to move on

Distraught Distraught The person is The person is uncontrollable, uncontrollable, consumed with consumed with overwhelming feelings overwhelming feelings of distress, finding it of distress, finding it difficult to functiondifficult to function

Chat Chat Informal term, Informal term, suggesting friends are suggesting friends are talking about trivial talking about trivial matters in a light-matters in a light-hearted naturehearted nature

Discuss Discuss Formal term, Formal term, suggesting a formal suggesting a formal situation in which a situation in which a serious matter is serious matter is talked about, taking talked about, taking account of all account of all opinions opinions

‘And then after lunch I read a book.’

‘Something educational, or one of your novels?’

‘Just a silly thing I find in a bookshop in town.’

Azaire smiled indulgently and shook his head at his wife’s frivolous tastes. He himself, it was assumed, read only the Greek philosophers, often in their original languages, though this arduous study must have taken place and private. When he settled in beneath the glow of the lamp after dinner, his hand invariably reached out for the evening paper.

Any good words here?Any good words here?

Poor Poor Jamie Oliver. A few years ago he . A few years ago he single-handedly saved every child in the single-handedly saved every child in the country from imminent cholesterol death country from imminent cholesterol death with his school dinners campaign. And with his school dinners campaign. And there was nationwide rejoicing. The there was nationwide rejoicing. The Queen called a national holiday, councils Queen called a national holiday, councils held street parties in his honour and the held street parties in his honour and the City erected a 600ft glass-and-metal City erected a 600ft glass-and-metal statue in the shape of one of his Flavour statue in the shape of one of his Flavour Shakers (known today as "the Gherkin", Shakers (known today as "the Gherkin", after one of his favourite sandwich after one of his favourite sandwich fillings).fillings).

Word Choice Analysis

single-handedly

imminent cholesterol death

nationwide rejoicing

national holiday

councils held street parties in his honour

HW Task HW Task

Complete the following table using your own Complete the following table using your own 5 words in order to show how the 5 words in order to show how the connotations of similar words can convey connotations of similar words can convey different meanings.different meanings.

Original wordOriginal word ConnotationsConnotations Alternative Alternative wordword

Connotations Connotations

Charlie BrookerCharlie Brooker

►OpinionatedOpinionated► FunnyFunny► Columnist for The GuardianColumnist for The Guardian► TV presenter TV presenter ►We will read, annotate and We will read, annotate and analyse his article: analyse his article:

The 80mph speed limit is a waste of The 80mph speed limit is a waste of timetimeWe don't need more speed. We need more We don't need more speed. We need more dawdlingdawdling

Brooker!Brooker!

Task:Task:

►Read the article thoroughlyRead the article thoroughly►Summarise the function and content of Summarise the function and content of

each paragrapheach paragraph►For example, paragraph 1’s content For example, paragraph 1’s content

introduces the topic of men driving too introduces the topic of men driving too fast and states the 2 basic reasons why fast and states the 2 basic reasons why they do it. The function is to engage the they do it. The function is to engage the reader quickly using humour. reader quickly using humour.

WordWord Guessed Guessed meaningmeaning

Context Context cluesclues

Dictionary Dictionary definitiondefinition

►Highlight any effective examples of Highlight any effective examples of word choice and sentence structureword choice and sentence structure

►Write detailed notes about the effect Write detailed notes about the effect of your example of your example

Consider.........Consider.........

►What Brooker’s opinions areWhat Brooker’s opinions are►How he conveys these opinions How he conveys these opinions

through his use of language through his use of language

Paired TaskPaired Task

►Analyse your section in detail.Analyse your section in detail.►As well as sentence structure, As well as sentence structure,

consider all aspects of language when consider all aspects of language when possible.possible.

►Be prepared to discuss your ideas with Be prepared to discuss your ideas with the class.the class.

► Everyone knows there are only two kinds of Everyone knows there are only two kinds of men who feel the need to drive fast: men who feel the need to drive fast: professional racers and the poorly endowed. professional racers and the poorly endowed. Sorry, but those are the facts. Sorry, but those are the facts.

► Anyway, I'm getting off the (teeny tiny) point Anyway, I'm getting off the (teeny tiny) point here. The reason I bring this FACT (and it is a here. The reason I bring this FACT (and it is a FACT) to your attention is FACT) to your attention is the government's plan to raise the motorway speed limit to 80mph, which is misguided for two reasons. Firstly , which is misguided for two reasons. Firstly because it'll make because it'll make Jeremy Clarkson smile, smile, which is always a reliable barometer for bad which is always a reliable barometer for bad policies. But mostly because it's just not policies. But mostly because it's just not necessary.necessary.

► I understand why they're doing it – it's a brazen attempt to I understand why they're doing it – it's a brazen attempt to capture the seething male vote, and that's an important group capture the seething male vote, and that's an important group to placate, because let's face it, those guys are as furious as to placate, because let's face it, those guys are as furious as they are unpredictable – but it seems curiously self-defeating. they are unpredictable – but it seems curiously self-defeating. Part of the argument for raising the permitted figure to 80mph Part of the argument for raising the permitted figure to 80mph is that lots of people break the existing 70mph limit: roughly is that lots of people break the existing 70mph limit: roughly half of all motorway drivers, in fact. Why are they driving that half of all motorway drivers, in fact. Why are they driving that fast? The government seems to earnestly believe these fast? The government seems to earnestly believe these people are in a hurry, which is terribly sweet of them, but we people are in a hurry, which is terribly sweet of them, but we all know that isn't the reason. It's to do with pushing the limit, all know that isn't the reason. It's to do with pushing the limit, with gently breaking the law. with gently breaking the law. I can't drive a car – I'm an – I'm an inferior human being – but even I understand the psychology inferior human being – but even I understand the psychology of the accelerator pedal. If cars came with two speeds – of the accelerator pedal. If cars came with two speeds – 30mph or 90mph, and the only way to switch between them 30mph or 90mph, and the only way to switch between them was by pushing an instant "break the speed limit" button, was by pushing an instant "break the speed limit" button, drivers might think twice about doing so. But that pedal, that drivers might think twice about doing so. But that pedal, that incremental, giving pedal … it almost encourages you to push incremental, giving pedal … it almost encourages you to push your luck.your luck.

► Another dumb thing the dumb government seems to dumbly Another dumb thing the dumb government seems to dumbly believe is that raising the speed limit will boost the economy. believe is that raising the speed limit will boost the economy. According to transport secretary Philip Hammond, "increasing According to transport secretary Philip Hammond, "increasing the motorway speed limit to 80mph would generate economic the motorway speed limit to 80mph would generate economic benefits of hundreds of millions of pounds through shorter benefits of hundreds of millions of pounds through shorter journey times". I don't think he actually said those words out journey times". I don't think he actually said those words out loud. I think he physically carved them, letter-by-letter, out of loud. I think he physically carved them, letter-by-letter, out of pure horses**t. If Hammond honestly thinks "shorter journey pure horses**t. If Hammond honestly thinks "shorter journey times" are the key to fixing the economy, why hasn't he times" are the key to fixing the economy, why hasn't he kickstarted a campaign encouraging us to take bigger, brisker kickstarted a campaign encouraging us to take bigger, brisker strides? Why isn't he issuing us all with stilts? Why isn't he strides? Why isn't he issuing us all with stilts? Why isn't he touring the nation, sawing off our children's feet and replacing touring the nation, sawing off our children's feet and replacing them with wheels? There are only two possible explanations: them with wheels? There are only two possible explanations: either he doesn't care about our economic wellbeing or he either he doesn't care about our economic wellbeing or he knows damn well he's talking through his hat. Which he wears knows damn well he's talking through his hat. Which he wears up his backside.up his backside.

► Incidentally, as well as raising the upper limit to 80mph, he is Incidentally, as well as raising the upper limit to 80mph, he is also increasing the number of 20mph zones. So you'll be also increasing the number of 20mph zones. So you'll be hearing far more screeching brakes in future. Don't worry, hearing far more screeching brakes in future. Don't worry, eventually it'll blend unnoticed into the background, like eventually it'll blend unnoticed into the background, like birdsong or gunfire.birdsong or gunfire.

► The current situation, in which the official limit is 70mph, but The current situation, in which the official limit is 70mph, but which half the population pushes to somewhere around which half the population pushes to somewhere around 80mph when they think they can get away with it, seems like 80mph when they think they can get away with it, seems like a fair compromise. The 70-80mph buffer zone of cheeky a fair compromise. The 70-80mph buffer zone of cheeky lawlessness seems about right. Why punch it higher? If lawlessness seems about right. Why punch it higher? If anyone really, really wants to drive faster than that, they anyone really, really wants to drive faster than that, they could visit a test track, play Need for Speed, or simply risk it could visit a test track, play Need for Speed, or simply risk it and swallow the consequences. It's useless in everyday life. and swallow the consequences. It's useless in everyday life. Unless you're delivering urgent donor organs, you don't need Unless you're delivering urgent donor organs, you don't need to reach your destination that quickly. And if you think you do, to reach your destination that quickly. And if you think you do, either set out earlier, or spend less time browsing for "Grab either set out earlier, or spend less time browsing for "Grab Bag" size packs of Quavers at the service station.Bag" size packs of Quavers at the service station.

►And besides: zooming petrolheads already And besides: zooming petrolheads already have it their own way on the roads: have it their own way on the roads: aggressively driving up other peoples' aggressively driving up other peoples' behinds, bleating away with their horns, behinds, bleating away with their horns, flashing their lights … seriously, what's flashing their lights … seriously, what's wrong with you people? The anger and the wrong with you people? The anger and the obvious raging inadequacy seems so … obvious raging inadequacy seems so … raw. Do you need a cuddle, is that it? raw. Do you need a cuddle, is that it? Should we designate special laybys to be Should we designate special laybys to be used for cuddle-breaks, just to calm you used for cuddle-breaks, just to calm you down? Fair enough. If that's what it takes down? Fair enough. If that's what it takes to get people to slow down, it's fine by me.to get people to slow down, it's fine by me.

► Because there's too much bad-tempered showboating Because there's too much bad-tempered showboating on the roads, and not enough amiable sauntering. When on the roads, and not enough amiable sauntering. When I become minister for transport, I'll introduce a new I become minister for transport, I'll introduce a new motorway lane specifically designed for 19th-century motorway lane specifically designed for 19th-century horse-drawn hay carts – a lane that criss-crosses all the horse-drawn hay carts – a lane that criss-crosses all the other lanes at random intervals. I'd also position a sniper other lanes at random intervals. I'd also position a sniper on every bridge and instruct them to blow the head off on every bridge and instruct them to blow the head off anyone who looks like they're getting a bit of speed up. anyone who looks like they're getting a bit of speed up. Or anyone who looks like they're enjoying the road a bit Or anyone who looks like they're enjoying the road a bit too much for my liking. Or anyone listening to an album I too much for my liking. Or anyone listening to an album I hate. Or wearing a loud shirt. Or who might be hate. Or wearing a loud shirt. Or who might be Sagittarian.Sagittarian.

► Basically anyone. Anyone in a car. Or near a car. Or who Basically anyone. Anyone in a car. Or near a car. Or who looks like they're thinking about cars.looks like they're thinking about cars.

► Hey, I'm just trying to offer solutions here. If you don't Hey, I'm just trying to offer solutions here. If you don't like it – leave. Leave now. Get out. Get out of this article like it – leave. Leave now. Get out. Get out of this article this instant.this instant.