Promote positive behaviour

Communicate to child, positive and realistic expectations of their behaviour

Different ages, different stages, different behavioursAs a professional in childhood development, you need to be aware of how children at different ages behave in very different ways. You will also need to be aware of the different developmental stages of children within different ages. We will look at how behaviour and development are intricately linked.

An understanding of child development allows us to have appropriate expectations of children’s behaviour. For example, in the past it was believed that children should be seen and not heard. However this expectation did not take into account that children:

• are naturally curious about the world• learn through actions and word• use their senses to learn about their world• are social beings who have a need to communicate with others.

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Expected behavioursHaving unrealistic expectations of a child’s behaviour can cause stress for you and the child. It is important that you are continually revising the expectations you have of children’s behaviour as your knowledge of child development increases.

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Developmentally appropriate expectationsYou have already looked at what children can usually do at a particular age—the expectations you have of your child should be realistic.

Would you expect a toddler to share their bike?

Children do not have the cognitive ability to understand the concept of sharing. They want what they want and they usually have difficulty waiting for anything. We can introduce the concept of sharing but we can never expect a toddler to share.

Never expect a toddler to share

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Would you expect a three year old to understand that you might feel differently to them?

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Children remain in an egocentric state until around four years old, according to Piaget. The concept of thinking beyond their own feelings may sometimes be evident but highly unlikely and you could certainly not expect this to happen.

Would you expect a six year old to complete a complex mathematical problem?

The majority of six-year-old children are beginning to grasp the concepts of numeracy and may well understand how to add the number of objects and even be able to take numbers away from others. However, you should never expect them to complete complex problems.

Would you expect an eleven year old to listen to you and take no notice of their friends?

The social development of children as they approach puberty is significant and their friendships become a very powerful influence in their life. While the values and morals of the family and other influential people will be there for the children, you could never expect them to listen to you exclusively.

Realistic expectationsIt is by looking at the stage a child is at that you will get an idea of whether or not their behaviour is typical, which will affect how you deal with their behaviour. An example might be how differently you would deal with a toddler biting another child to a five year old biting another child.

There is often an expectation that children will learn to share very early in their life but is it realistic? How will those two-year-olds feel as they sit in the sandpit with you and you tell them they have to share the shovels and buckets? Do adults, in fact, demonstrate an appropriate role model?

Reflect on the following scenario:

You have been saving for a long time and finally have enough to buy something you really wanted (eg, car or a CD player). You spend the next few days looking for exactly what you what, at the best price. Finally you find it! You hand over your hard-earned money. Your neighbour finds out about your purchase and comes over to admire it. She says, ‘Wow, that’s really nice. You have to share that with me’. She takes it from you.

How will you feel? What will you say? What will you feel like doing? Now imagine that you can’t talk and answer the same questions.

Now imagine that someone says you have to share most of your things most of the time and answer the same questions.

As people sometimes tell us, we need to ‘get real’! Look at your expectations of children in your care and consider carefully whether or not you are expecting the impossible or even the inappropriate. Are you setting the children up to fail through your lack of knowledge or understanding?

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Reasonable expectations for preschoolersUnderstanding the development of children will help you have reasonable expectations.

Toddlers are well known for their negativism

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Personal expectations of behaviourFor all of us, our backgrounds will determine which behaviours we might find distressing or irritating. What you find an irritating behaviour someone else might find totally acceptable.

What do you think of these behaviours?

• A child grabs a toy that another child may be playing with. • A child is using swear words. • A child bites another child.

Toddlers may bite when they don't have the words to express their feelings

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Reasons for misbehaviourChildren usually misbehave or act out for a reason.

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AttentionChildren may believe they ‘belong’ only when they are noticed. They feel important when they are commanding total attention.

PowerChildren may believe they belong only when they are in control or are proving that no one can ‘boss them around’.

RevengeChildren may believe they belong only by hurting others, since they feel hurt themselves.

Inadequacy/withdrawalChildren may believe they belong only when they convince others not to expect anything of them since they are helpless or unable.

If you would like to find out more about reasons for misbehaviour, consult Nixon and Aldwinckle (1997).

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Reasons for behaviour not conforming to ‘norm’We live in communities where there is diversity—for example, in our cultural background and/or ethnic background. There are other forms of diversity—we may differ from our neighbours in at least some of the following respects: religious beliefs, gender; political views; lifestyle; age; physical impairment; the type of work we do; social experiences and language skills.

We share similarities but we also sometimes do things differently or there may differences in the way we see things (our world views). It’s important as childcare professionals that we understand that sometimes the children in our care may behave or think in ways that may not exactly the same as the way we do—as a result of their backgrounds.

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Here is what Maria, a childcare worker, has to say about her diverse community:

Maria

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Our local community is diverse—and so our children come from families of various backgrounds. We’ve got families with both Mum and Dad, single parent families, extended families and gay-couple families. Our community’s made up of bohemian artists, well-to-do people as well as poor people, professionals, tradespeople, unskilled workers as well as unemployed people. To make it even more heterogenous, they’re from many different cultural backgrounds.

I feel that to be a more effective childcare professional, I need to learn about the children’s home environment. It’s made me see things through other people’s eyes. Now, I find myself pausing and asking myself, ‘Why is Sunil doing it this way?’, ‘Why is Van thinking this way?’ and ‘Why did Bob behave that way?’.

Now I’m doing a lot more waiting, listening and learning. There are times when I have just had to sit back and observe the children.

The following scenarios highlight the need for us to be sensitive to expectations that may be different from our own.

1. Alex is from a culture where it is considered rude for children to look an adult in the eye when they are speaking to them. He finds this confusing, for at his centre the childcare workers and teachers encourage eye contact. In fact, one day a worker accused him of having something to hide and not telling the truth because he would not look her in the eye.

2. In Renee’s family, teasing is commonly used to correct behaviour in the family group. Renee has found herself getting into trouble because at the centre she goes to the workers tell her that teasing is not allowed. Now she is confused. Her aunts and mother tease her—are they doing the wrong thing?

In both of these situations, the care provider could have prevented the children from feeling confused if they had:

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• been aware of the difference in the expectations of the child’s family and the centre

• given the child more information about what was expected of them• been aware that cultural differences may mean that children do not know what is

expected of them.

Consider the experience of Vince, recently arrived in Australia with his family.

A note came home from school inviting Vince to a social evening. The note said everyone was to bring a plate. Vince and his mother read the note several times. The request seemed a little strange to them but many things were strange in their new country. On the night of the social, Vince and his mother chose one of their best plates for him to take. When Vince arrived, he happily presented his plate to the teacher. He was mortified to find that he was supposed to have taken something on it. The embarrassment he felt was something he has carried into his adult life.

Be aware of your use of idioms.

Feelings and behaviourAs previously discussed, all behaviour is a result of feelings. It is vital that you learn to identify the difference between a behaviour and a feeling.

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Acknowledging feelingsWhen children behave in a certain way it is vital that you respond to them in a way that will help them develop skills in dealing with their feelings and to develop self control. This is after all the whole purpose in guiding children’s behaviour.

In your role as a professional in childhood development, you must acknowledge the child’s feelings because it is OK to feel something. Sometimes this is all it takes to help a child take control of their behaviour.

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Regularly identify and explain to children examples of positive behaviour

How children learn about appropriate behaviourChildren learn about appropriate behaviour just as they learn about everything else in their lives. Children learn through experience—either experiences they have themselves or those they observe others having. Sometimes children do not learn appropriate behaviour the first time. It may be necessary for the same experience to be repeated several times before a child learns the behaviour.

Accentuating the positive and eliminating the negativeHow would you feel if the only attention you received from someone you loved was negative? All of us like to be given attention and recognition. Unfortunately for some children they have found that negative attention in the form of reprimands, shouting, and even physical punishment, is better than no attention at all. It is at times easier to pick up on the behaviours of children we find annoying because they may stand out more than the behaviours we find acceptable.

A problem with focusing on the negative is that it does not teach children acceptable behaviours.

Consider the following example.

A child is standing up in their chair. You want the child to sit down because you consider it dangerous. If you say, ‘Don’t stand up in your high chair’, you are informing the child what you don’t want them to do. But it does not tell them what you would like them to do? ‘Please sit down in your high chair’ gives the information about what is the acceptable behaviour.

You need to tell children what they can do rather than what they can’t do. To challenge yourself, take these words out of your vocabulary when you deal with children:

• No• Don’t• Can’t.

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Promoting positive behaviourThe next part of your development as a professional in child care is to put both those skills together—that is, to identify how the child feels and to communicate in a positive way in order to promote positive behaviours and help the child develop self-control and skills to resolve their own conflicts.

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Modelling positive behavioursAnother way to promote positive behaviour in children is to model the desired behaviour. As a carer, you have to realise that individuals can have a very powerful influence over children. They include adults, peers, sporting or media stars. A child can look up to these individuals in many ways and may even take on some of their habits or mannerisms. A child may do this without even realising. For example, a child may walk like their father, use hand gestures like their mother, or swear like their brother.

Modelling, then, is when a person behaves in a particular way and the child copies or imitates them. Modelling is a strategy you can effectively employ in a childcare setting. A benefit of modelling is that it can be something that occurs naturally in the course of a day. The difficulty is that you need to ‘practise what you preach’, and so you must reflect on your own behaviour. It may require some effort!

For example, you may hate pack-away time and because of this you may get frustrated and angry with children. You may shove things anywhere in an attempt to get it over and done with. In comparison, a fellow worker enjoys the satisfaction at the end of pack-away time when everything is put in its place. The two of you will give the children very different models at pack-away time.

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Pre-empting unacceptable behaviourSometimes as adults we can place children in situations where we set them up to behave in unacceptable ways. Here we will look at factors in the child’s physical environment that can foster positive behaviour.

Guiding young children’s behaviour is more about problem prevention than correction. It’s about making life easier for children and adults alike. When we take this approach, we are more likely to maintain a positive attitude to children in our care. After all, it can be quite frustrating to have to deal with and correct inappropriate behaviour constantly.

Benefits of problem prevention are:

• In the long run, it is time saving because you’re not always having to spend time responding to inappropriate behaviour.

• It leaves time for the real work—which relates to playing with and helping young children.

When we create an environment to foster positive behaviours, we need to look at the physical environment as well as the social or emotional environment in our centres.

To understand how the physical environment can impact upon a child, it is important that we try to see things from a child’s perspective.

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The physical environmentThere are many factors in the physical environment that may influence a child’s behaviour.

Noise levelWhen a room becomes too noisy, it can influence children’s behaviour. Some children can become disruptive, uncooperative and aggressive. Other children may try to hide to get away from the noise.

Activity levelLike noise level, too much activity can over-excite children. On the other hand, not enough activity may leave a child frustrated and they may become disruptive or aggressive.

The room arrangementWhere we place things in a room can be very important. For example, it may not be appropriate to put musical instruments next to a story corner, or blocks next to a traffic area. It’s also important to keep in mind where adults are working in the room.

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SpaceDifferent people require different amounts of personal space. Too much space may make the environment feel unwelcoming. Not enough space may make a person feel overwhelmed. It is worth keeping mind when assessing space that children are physically smaller than adults and their perspective on whether a room is big or little may differ from ours.

PrivacyIn childcare centres, there is little opportunity for children to have time to themselves. Privacy is difficult because of safety and supervision requirements. Yet the need for individual privacy is something we need to be sensitive to.

EquipmentIs there enough equipment to go around without forcing children to share? Is the equipment of the right developmental level so that children are neither overly frustrated nor bored?

Providing a safe environment with enough appropriate toys, materials and space is one of the basic things childcare workers can do to prevent inappropriate behaviour occurring.

Safe indoor environment

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Safe outdoor environment

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Use clear communication that suggests positive options to encourage a child’s cooperation

We should avoid ordering children around or disempowering them when we are guiding their behaviour. An effective way of gaining their cooperation is to use a positive ‘I’ statement and then suggest two or three positive behaviour options. A positive ‘I’ statement uses the following structure:

I feel ……………. when you……………………………. because……………………………………………..

For example, Tamira (4 years) is running wildly around the room holding a scarf in the air and looking up at it. First you would make eye contact with Tamira and then you could say ‘Tamira, I feel worried when you run inside because you might hurt yourself or someone else.’

Then give Tamira a couple of choices to redirect her behaviour. For example, ‘You can walk around with your scarf or you can dance to some music with your scarf in the music area.’

Remember to match the complexity of your language with the level of development of the child.

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Draw child’s attention to positive aspects of the child’s behaviour

Focussing on positive behavioursAs well as focusing on the positive when there are behaviours which need correcting, we also need to give children attention when they are behaving in a manner which is appropriate.

For example:

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‘You’ve put those blocks away really carefully.’

‘Well done! You remembered your hat.’

Children need to know that we notice them when they are behaving acceptably. We need to make sure that we reinforce the behaviours we want to encourage.

For example:

A child may be causing disruption at story time by getting up, wandering around and making noise. Calling the child’s name or having them sit by you after the event may, in fact, reinforce the negative behaviour. In addition, it detracts from what you are trying to do (read a story) by interrupting the flow. At such times, it may be better to simply ignore the negative behaviour and give verbal encouragement to children who are sitting attentively.

Drawing attention to the positive behaviour of others while ignoring inappropriate behaviour is a strategy sometimes referred to as ‘actively ignoring’.

Let’s look now at how we can encourage children’s positive behaviour.

Consider the following example:

A child helps a carer pick up some outdoor equipment and bring it inside. The carer says to the child, ‘Good girl or good boy’.

In this situation, the carer wants to reinforce this helping behaviour. However, if we look closely the carer’s response may give the child a message the carer did not intend. The carer’s response did not mention the task the child had helped with—instead it focussed on the ‘goodness’ of the child. It is important if we want to encourage behaviour that our responses reinforce the behaviour rather than focusing on the individual.

A more encouraging response from the carer in the above situation might have been, ‘That was a great help. Thank you.’ In this response, the message being clearly conveyed to the child is that their behaviour was helpful and appreciated. The focus of the adult’s message is the behaviour and not the child.

When we focus on the child rather than the behaviour we give the child the message unintentionally that they are a good person because they have helped. However there are times when a child may try to help but not succeed.

Now consider a second example:

A child tries to help a carer set the table. He drops all the spoons on the floor and knocks over several cups, spilling the drink.

In this situation, if the child had been continually praised as ‘good’ for helping then they might feel that they are ‘not good’ because they did not succeed. It is important that we encourage children for trying. We need to reinforce the effort they have made and not just the outcome.

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If children only receive praise when they succeed then they may never succeed because there is no encouragement along the way.

Encouraging positive behavioursEncouragement therefore needs to focus on the:

• child’s behaviour and not the child• effort or process rather than the outcome.

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Apply limits to behaviour within service policies

Another factor in promoting positive behaviour is setting limits for children to work in and then developing consequences that evolve from these limits.

Being aware of limitsLimits, guidelines and consequences are part of the society we live in. Even though we may be largely unaware of limits or guidelines on a daily basis, they do exist. We really only become aware of limits when we are in a new situation where we don’t know the rules. It’s then that we feel like ‘a fish out of water’, such as entering a new job where you don’t know the dress code, or perhaps what the etiquette is for paying for morning tea. It’s then that we suddenly find ourselves in trouble with other staff members—for example, you have never bought the milk or biscuits because you didn’t know you had to (you assumed all along that the organisation paid for these). In these instances, we become aware of the limits because we have transgressed them and someone has let us know.

Think about your current situation and what limits influence your behaviour.

What situations have you been in where you didn’t know the rules or limits and may have felt awkward?

Imagine now what it is like for children. Young children are not born with an innate knowledge of rules and expectations of the society and culture they live in. Often children are exposed to new situations with little information about the way they should behave, until they have transgressed the rules or limits. Only then do we tell them they have done the wrong thing. If

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you like, the children are often set up to fail because they are not given the information needed to succeed.

Providing appropriate limitsNow imagine a different situation where children are given a clear understanding of what is expected of them—what a difference that would make to the child. Not only would it give them the opportunity to behave appropriately, but it would also allow them to feel comfortable in situations. It is also great for the adult involved—as they don’t have to constantly adopt the role of police officer.

Advantages of setting limits:

• They allow desired behaviour to be achieved.• They ensure the safety and well-being of the child.• They help the child to feel secure.• They provide the child with clear information about what is acceptable or

unacceptable behaviour.• They help the child develop the understanding of the value of social conformity—

that society has rules which must be followed.• They protect materials and equipment.

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Developing appropriate limitsLimits will only be effective if they match the abilities of a child to understand and work within the limits. Recall work completed earlier in this unit where you established realistic expectations of children’s behaviour.

The expectations we have will determine the limits and guidelines we set. Therefore it is important that limits and guidelines take into account a child’s level of development as well as their family and cultural background, and any individual differences of the child.

Appropriate limits and guidelines are important because:

• If the limits are not appropriate, they will not be relevant to the child.• The child will continually challenge the limits.

It’s not just the limits that you set; it’s also the way that you set them.

Consider the scenario below

Teachers at a small country primary school are worried about the games some of the children, mainly boys, are playing at lunchtime. They feel that soccer and cricket are too competitive and would like the children to be more imaginative in their play.

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The issue is discussed at a staff meeting and it is decided that one day a week should be a ‘no ball games’ day.

The next day, the teachers tell the children that on Tuesdays no ball games will be allowed. The children are angry. They believe the rule is stupid, and they test the rule by trying to play football with a tin can before being stopped by a teacher. One child, Heath, decides to write a letter to the teachers complaining. The very surprised teachers received the letter.

How should the teachers respond?

The first teacher (Mavis) believes the rule was too harsh and they should not try to restrict the children in their play. Maybe it’s important for the children to get this energy out of their system.

Dianne, however, believes that there’s no going back. She says that if you start giving in to the children’s demands every time they don’t like something, then it will never stop. Her mantra is ‘Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile’.

The two teachers do not seem to be able to agree. They both believe the other is not right. However, there is another way they have not thought about, which is to include the children in the development of rules and limits. Imagine how we would like it if someone came to us and said you aren’t allowed to read any more books or magazines. From now on you will only read newspapers. Most of us would probably feel like Heath in the above scenario.

Allowing children to be involved in the setting of limits does not mean giving children anything they want. It means:

• discussing the situation with children, so they are aware of the problem• giving children the opportunity to voice their concerns• responding to children’s need for freedom while maintaining certain boundaries of

order and choice.

Involving children in setting limitsInvolving children in the development of limits, rules and guidelines requires giving them the necessary information and reasons behind a problem so that they participate in the process of making a decision.

When children, particularly older children, are involved in the development of limits, they have the opportunity to feel that they ‘own’ the decision, because they have been part of the process, and so are more likely to keep to the rules, limits or guidelines.

Let’s go back and look at the above scenario. If Mavis and Dianne had gone to the children after the problem had been discussed at the staff meeting and voiced their concerns, it would have given the children the opportunity to share the problem. Asking children to help come up with solutions may well have produced other possibilities such as ‘ball free’ recesses every day or half of lunch time ‘ball free’ every day.

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It is also worth noting that the introduction of ball free play times might have been more positively received by the children if the limits had been framed using positive language. For example ‘games days’ or ‘wheel days’.

Communicating about limitsThe way rules, limits and guidelines are communicated in children’s services needs to take into account the special circumstances involved.

These include the:

• developmental stage of the child• needs of the child at the time—eg, a child who is behaving inappropriately

because they are tired needs sleep.

With these in mind, limits, rules and guidelines should be communicated in a way that:

• allows children to know what is expected of them—ie, understandable, logical and clear

• respects the child’s dignity and self esteem at all times• is calm and non judgemental.

You have already seen that when you set appropriate limits it is essential that you not just focus on the rule itself. The whole process of setting limits is important.

Here are some ground rules:

• Establish rules and limits together with children.• Be consistent. • Be a good role model.• Respect children’s feelings.• Frame limits in a positive way—eg, ‘Walk in the room’ rather than ‘Don’t run’.• Make sure limits are clear and reinforce appropriate behaviour using

encouragement.• Check that the limits and consequences have been understood.

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