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Clark & addisonEpisodE 6 - “nEw kids on thE bloCk”

A REUNION OF 20 SOMETHING CUB FANS ON THE CORNER OF CLARK AND ADDISON IN CHICAGO - IN A SMALL BAR NAMED WEAGHMAN’S PARK. THE CUBS ORIGINALLY PLAYED AT WEAGHMAN PARK IN CHICAGO BEFORE TRANSFERRING TO CUBS PARK IN 1919 - WHICH BECAME WRIGLEY FIELD IN 1926. NIGHTLY IN DEPTH DISCUSSIONS OF CUBS AND CHICAGO OCCUR AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. WEAGHMAN’S PARK ONLY SERVES FOOD AND DRINK ORIGINATING FROM ABOVE THE WISCONSIN BORDER . . . SMALL NEIGHBORHOOD WRIGLEY FIELD BAR CALLED WEAGMAN’S PARK WITH ONLY WISCONSIN BEER AND SHEBOYGAN BRATS - A 20 SOMETHING HANGOUT. FOLLOW THE HISTORY OF THE CUBS, BEARS AND BULLS AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF JOSH, ELLIOT, SAM, KERI, MELANIE AND FRIENDS . . .

JOSHI CANNOT BELIEVE THE BEARS ACTUALLY BEAT OAKLAND. WE HAVE A SMALL CHANCE FOR THE WILD CARD. - A CHANCE TO RUIN GREEN BAY’S SEASON!

WILLWE ACTUALLY COULD DO IT. WE JUST NEED TO GET THE BALL TO DEVIN AND WE’RE THERE.

JOSHYES, CEDRIC’S AVERAGE IS DOWN TO 3 YARDS AND A CLOUD OF DUST - BUT IT’S ALL NORTH SOUTH STUFF. THIS WON’T GET IT DONE FOR THE PLAYOFFS.

WILLAND GRIESE HAS BEEN DECENT - NOT GREAT.WE’VE HAD TO USE REX AGAIN HOWEVER.

JOSHAND WE PICKED UP MIKE JONES FROM IOWA THIS WEEK - ONLY 6 - 6 AND 308. LUKE’S LINE WILL GET SOME MORE SUPPORT.

WILLYES, MY ONLY FEAR IF THE BEARS CONTEND THE SECOND HALF OF THE SEASON, WE’LL LOSE LUKE TO THE LIONS OR PACKERS.

JOSHTHAT WOULD REALLY SUCK - HAVING A BUTKUS NAME ON ANOTHER TEAM.

WILLANOTHER PROTEST JOSH - HAVING THE CITY OF CHICAGO GIVE LUKE A LIFETIME CONTRACT. THIS REALLY MAKES SENSE. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE CHICAGO DEPRESSION INDEX GO DOWN AS WELL AS THE SALES FOR THE SSRI DRUGS EVERYONE IS ON TUMBLE ?

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JOSHWELL LOVIE RECEIVED A CONTRACT EXTENSION AFTER THE SUPER BOWL AND I DON’T SEE JERRY PAYING FOR TWO HEAD COACHES. WE’RE STUCK WITH LOVIE - SO HE HAS TO GET THE MESSAGE ABOUT OFFENSE - THE PUBLIC PROTEST IS THE ONLY WAY.

WILLWELL IF LUKE HAD BEEN ASSIGNED TO REX - WE’D BE IN BETTER SHAPE - YA I KNOW HE’S NOT A QB COACH AND ALL THAT - BUT FOOTBALL IS FOOTBALL.

JOSHTHAT’S WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE - REX IS TOO TAINTED NOW AND THE WHOLE CITY OF CHICAGO IS TIRED OF HOLDING THEIR BREATH EVERY TIME REX LAUNCHES A PASS - HE’S PRETTY GOOD ON HANDOFFS THOUGH. MAYBE IT’S ALL PSYCHOLOGICAL - HE JUST NEEDS TO PLAY AS IF NOT TO LOSE - BUT TO MAKE PLAYS - LIKE I HATE TO SAY FAVRE DOES.

WILLWELL I’M CONVINCED A SPORTS PSYCHOLOGIST AND LUKE WOULD CURE REX IN A HEARTBEAT. HERE COMES KERI.

KERIAREN’T YOU PAYING ATTENTION JOSH ? THIS GUY BACK THERE IS WAVING FOR A LEINIES AND A ZUERCHER COLBY - HE REALLY LOOKS LIKE HE’S STARVING - HUH ?

JOSHCOMING RIGHT UP SIR. I’LL TACK ON A RUSSIAN STOUT TO MAKE UP FOR THE WAIT.

KERIIS WEAGHMAN’S PARK REALLY SELLING THAT STUFF ? IT’S SOOOO STRONG.

WILLYES, YOU HAVE TO BE IN AN AX CONTEST TO WANT THIS STUFF.

JOSHWELL THAT’S ALL THEY DO UP THERE IN THE NORTHWOODS WHERE LEINIES COMES FROM - IN FACT THERE IS NOTHING UP THERE TO DO BUT AX CUTTING CONTESTS.

WILLYES - ESPN MAKES A BIG DEAL OUT OF THESE OUTDOOR WINTER LUMBERJACK GAMES WITH LOG ROLLING, 90 FOOT POLE SPEED CLIMBS, AND SAW COMPETITION.

KERIMAN. I LOVE SPORTS BUT COULDN’T EVER DIG THAT STUFF. I THOUGHT THE RELAYS WITH THOSE BUMBLING GUYS WERE BLOOPER HIGHLIGHTS - BUT THESE GUYS WERE REALLY SERIOUS.

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JOSHYES, AND WE HAD TO GO WATCH SOME OF THIS STUFF AT THE DELLS EVERY SUMMER - MY PARENTS DRILLED INTO US LITTLE KIDS THAT THIS IS REAL WORLD - AND THESE FOLKS ARE SUPER SURVIVALISTS. MY DAD COULDN’T GET ENOUGH OF THE HAND AX COMPETITION ON PINE. THEY HAD THE SUPERSTARS FROM HAYWARD COMPETE EVERY YEAR. AND MY MOM LOVED IT WHEN THESE PIONEER WOMEN COMPETED IN THAT POLE CLIMB - SLIDING DOWN WITHOUT BECOMING A PORCUPINE. OH I CAN SEE HER MIND WORK - WE ARE FAR TOO SOFT IN CHICAGO.

KERITHOSE WERE REAL WOMEN ALRIGHT. JUST WHAT I WANT TO GROW UP TO BE.

WILLWELL THEY DON’T HAVE CHEERLEADING COMPETITION UP THERE - AND IF THEY DID IT WOULD BE A LARGE PYRAMID WITH THESE RUSSIAN STOUT GUYS ON THE BOTTOM.

JOSHWELL - AT LEAST WE BEAT THE BADGERS THIS YEAR IN FOOTBALL. THE ILLINI ARE BACK - FIRST TIME SINCE RED GRANGE AND DICK BUTKUS.

KERII JUST HOPE LUKE CAN GET SOME MORE HOLES CREATED FOR CEDRIC. HIS AVERAGE IS GOING SOUTH.

WILLWELL THERE IS 8 OR 9 IN THE BOX ON FIRST AND SECOND DOWN AGAINST THE BEARS. NO ONE CAN RUN AGAINST THAT. I’M SURPRISED HE’S AVERAGING 3 YARDS PER CARRY. WE DON’T PASS UNTIL WE ABSOLUTELY NEED TO - LIKE 3RD AND FIFTEEN. AND DEVIN IS NOTHING MORE THAN A DECOY.

JOSHMAYBE CEDRIC SHOULD USE THE STIFF ARM MORE. ZEBRAS AREN’T CALLING IT. GUYS LIKE BARBER FROM DALLAS ARE PRACTICALLY SEVERING THE NECK FROM THE TRUNK WITH THEIR ARM. THE REFS ARE OBLIVIOUS TO THIS - THE COMMISSIONER AND RULES COMMITTEE HAS SAID IT’S GOOD FOR THE GAME IMPLICITLY.

WILLTHE ONLY THING THE OFFENSIVE GUY CANNOT DO IS GRAB THE FACEMASK OF THE DEFENSIVE GUY WHO’S TRYING TO TACKLE HIM - AND IF HE DID THEY RARELY CALL IT. BUT THE DEFENSE GETS CALLED FOR FACEMASKS EVERY TIME.

KERIWELL EVERY OTHER TEAM PULLS THIS ON US - WHY DON’T WE GIVE IT BACK TO THEM ?

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JOSHBECAUSE LUKE ONLY COACHES OFFENSIVE LINEMAN - AND THEY CANNOT DO ANYTHING WITH THEIR HANDS - THEY ARE TOTALLY STERILE. MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL OR EMAIL LUKE WHO CAN RECOMMEND AT A COACH’S MEETING THE STIFF ARM FOR CEDRIC. WE’VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.

KERIAS IF THE BEARS ARE GONNA LISTEN TO THE 20 SOMETHINGS AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. COME ON - GET REAL. AND BY THE WAY JOSH - WHAT’S WITH THE SOLDIER FIELD PROTEST AGAINST THE BEARS OFFENSE ? WHAT DID THE JUDGE SAY ?

JOSHWELL - I LAYED IT ON HIM THAT THERE WERE NO REASONABLE ALTERNATIVES WITH YEARS OF OFFENSIVE INEPTITUDE; AND HE WAS CONTENT BASING HIS DENIAL SO HE’LL GIVE ME AN ANSWER THIS WEEK. HE WAS HONEST AND SAID HE HAD TO RESEARCH LAW ON THIS POINT.

WILLWELL THAT’S PRETTY COOL JOSH. YOU WENT TO MBA/LAW SCHOOL SO YOU COULD TIE A JUDGE TO DO A PROTEST ?

JOSHWELL IT’S BETTER THAN NOTHING. IT’S MY FIRST LEGAL CASE. IT’LL SHAKE UP CITY HALL. I DIDN’T CALL THE TRIBUNE OR WGN SINCE I FELT NO PUBLICITY NOW WOULD PLEASE THE JUDGE CONSIDERABLY MORE THAN A HYPED UP ISSUE. I THINK WE’LL GET THE PERMIT WITH RESTRICTIONS ON SPECIFIC TIME, THE PROTEST PLACE, AND THE MANNER WE CONDUCT IT. WE’LL ALSO HAVE TO UP-FRONT COVER MORE COSTS POTENTIALLY FOR POLICE AND TRAFFIC DIVERSION.

WILLWAIT A SECOND JOSH - DID YOU TELL THE JUDGE THIS WAS A PEACEFUL PROTEST ?

JOSHABSOLUTELY - I INSTRUCTED HIM THAT WE’D GO IN ANY PUBLIC AREA NEAR SOLDIER FIELD WITH SIGNS AND A MICROPHONE - DOWNPLAYING THE EAST COAST OFFENSE, EMPHASIZING BETTER DRAFTS, AND LESS PREDICTABILITY WITH PLAYS. I SAID WE WANTED A COUPLE GUYS LIGHTS OUT ON OFFENSE - AND THAT REALLY DREW A PAUSE AND STARE FROM THE JUDGE. BUT HE STARTED THINKING A BIT AFTER I DISCUSSED THIS WITH HIM.

KERII BET THE JUDGE MIGHT GET AN HOUR MORE OF BEAR FOOTBALL PER WEEK IF THE BEARS CAN STAY IN GAMES UNTIL THE 4TH QUARTER. GOOD THING JOSH YOU REASSIGNED THE JUDGE WHO WAS FAMILY FRIENDS WITH NAGURSKIS.

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WILLWOW - THIS WHOLE PROTEST ORDEAL WILL GET NATIONAL ATTENTION. THE VERY FIRST OF ITS KIND.

JOSHHANG ON WILL - WE’RE NOT THERE YET. IF THE JUDGE SAYS NO - WE ARE OFF TO THE ILLINOIS SUPREME COURT - CITING A FEDERAL VIOLATION OF THE FIRST AMENDMENT - CLAIMING THE GOVERNMENT DOESN’T LIKE THE CONTENT OF OUR PROTEST AND RESTRICTING OUR FREEDOM OF ASSOCIATION.

KERITHAT’S PRETTY COOL JOSH - BUT WE MAY STILL BE DENIED AND THIS WILL TIE THE CASE UP FOR MONTHS UNLESS THERE IS SOME URGENCY THE SUPREME COURT PERCEIVES - LIKE THE BUSH/GORE ELECTION.

JOSHI’M CROSSING MY FINGERS BIG TIME - AND IF WE DON’T GET THE PERMIT LIFE WILL GO ON - BUT WE’LL DEFINITELY APPEAL. WE SHOULD KNOW IN A COUPLE DAYS - SO WE COULD ACTUALLY PROTEST BEFORE THE SEASON IS REALLY LOST.

KERIWITH A LITTLE PRESS I BET THAT CUTE GAL FROM RACINE WILL REAPPEAR AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK.

JOSHDON’T COUNT ON IT - YOU DIDN’T FIND HER AT THE KNICKERBOCKER AND LIKE I SAID - IT WAS A WASTE OF TIME TO CHASE DOWN THERE.

KERISO YOU JUST TALKED TO ELLIOTT THAT NIGHT.

JOSHMAN - HE’S GOT ISSUES.

KERIYES - ELLIOTT IS AN EMOTIONAL GUY. HE’LL DEFINITELY PROTEST THOUGH.

WILLI THINK ELLIOTTPER IS FLAT OUT QUEER, GAY, AND TOTALLY SCREWED UP.

JOSHWILL - YOU’VE GOT TO GET TO KNOW HIM. HE’S PRETTY COOL - A BIG BEAR AND CUB FAN - A TRUE CHICAGOAN.

WILLWHAT KINDA GUY TELLS YOU HE DOESN’T KNOW IF HE’S STRAIGHT OR GAY ?

KERI

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HE’S BRUTALLY HONEST WILL - THAT’S ELLIOTT. HE ISN’T FAKE. HE WILL TELL YOU EVERY EMOTION.

JOSHI CONCUR - HE’S OK WILL. JUST BECAUSE A GUY DOESN’T WEAR CLEATS AND SHOULDER PADS DOESN’T MEAN THEY ARE ALL BAD OR UNWORTHY.

WILLCHILL OUT EVERYONE - I’M STILL IN A FOOTBALL MOOD - HAVEN’T QUITE COME DOWN TO THAT I WON’T BE PLAYING ANYMORE EXCEPT PICKUP AT GRANT PARK.

JOSHAND ELLIOTT WAS IN BRAINWORKS AND MANY OF OUR GUYS WERE COOL WITHOUT BEING ATHLETES.

WILLWELL MAYBE ELLIOTTPER NEEDS THE SSRI DRUGS - SOUNDS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IS TAKING THEM FOR A HINT OF DEPRESSION OR SADNESS. AREN’T THEY GOOD FOR LOTS OF THINGS ?

KERIHECK - EVERYONE OF MY CLIENTS IN SOCIAL WORK GRAD SCHOOL WAS ON PROZAC, PAXIL, ZOLOFT, WELLBUTRIN, EFFEXOR, LEXAPRO - YOU NAME IT.

JOSHAND THEY SWORE BY THESE DRUGS RIGHT ?

WILLI’M WITH JOSH - THOUGH I’M FAR FROM BEING A DOCTOR IT WOULD SEEM TO ME IF EVERYONE NEEDED THESE DRUGS WE WOULD HAVE EVOLVED TO HAVE THIS STUFF IN OUR SYSTEM.

KERIYOU MEAN LIKE A BUILT IN SSRI DRUG DELIVERY SYSTEM ?

JOSHI AGREE - PER DARWIN WE WERE TO EVOLVE TO BE MORE FIT/SURVIVE - SO IF DARWIN IS CORRECT THEN WE WOULD TOTALLY HAVE THESE DRUGS NATURALLY IN OUR BRAINS AND EVERYWHERE ELSE. I’M JUST NOT CONVINCED EVERYONE NEEDS THESE DRUGS.

KERIWELL YOU GUYS NEED TO SEE MORE OF THE REAL WORLD - BECAUSE EVOLUTION TAKES THOUSANDS OF YEARS - WE ARE ONLY 1 OR 2 MUTATIONS FROM CAVE PEOPLE SO IT WILL TAKE TIME FOR THE HUMAN RACE TO HAVE BUILT IN SSRI CHEMICALS. BESIDES CAVE PEOPLE DIDN’T HAVE THE CRAZINESS AND STRESS OF TODAY’S WORLD INCLUDING STUFF LIKE THE CUBS, BEARS, INTERNET, AND GLOBAL WARMING.

JOSH

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I’M NOT BUYING ANY OF THIS KERI - MAYBE SOME FOLKS NEED THESE DRUGS - LIKE PEOPLE WANTING TO JUMP OFF THE SEARS TOWER - BUT EVERYONE THAT HAS A DOWN DAY.

WILLTHAT WOULD MEAN LUKE BUTKUS AND LOVIE SMITH WOULD BE TAKING THESE DRUGS EVERY OTHER WEEK. AND LOU WOULD TAKE THEM CONTINUOUSLY - AND I KNOW HE’S NOT ON THESE DRUGS - HE’S FAR TOO EXCITABLE.

KERIYOU’D JUST HAVE TO SEE MY CLIENTS AND WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM - NO CASH, NO HUSBAND, NO FAMILY SUPPORT, NO JOB, NO CHURCH, AND...........

JOSHNO CUB GAMES.

KERISHUT UP JOSH - THIS IS SERIOUS. THE SSRI DRUGS REALLY DO HELP THESE FOLKS COPE. AND HOW DO WE KNOW THAT THE CAVEMEN AND WOMEN DIDN’T TAKE HERBS THAT HAD THE SAME PROPERTIES ?

WILLWELL IF THE CAVE GUYS DID HAVE THE SSRI DRUGS, NO ADVANCEMENTS WOULD’VE OCCURRED - THEY WOULD’VE JUST HUNG OUT IN THOSE CAVES THEIR WHOLE LIFE - NOT DEPRESSED AT THEIR EXISTENCE. THEY WOULDN’T HAVE EVEN INVENTED THE WHEEL. THANK GOD WE DIDN’T HAVE THE DRUGS BACK THEN.

JOSHYOU BET - DARWIN WAS WRONG OR HE LIED - I BET SOME OF THOSE FINCHES AND TURTLES IN SOUTH AMERICA HE RECORDED INCORRECTLY. I REALLY DON’T THINK WE ARE EVOLVING FOR THE BETTER -CAVE LIVES ARE FAR BETTER THAN OURS BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE CUBS, BEARS, AND TAKE SSRI DRUGS. THESE CAVE GUYS PROBABLY HAD SUPER SLING SHOT MEETS AND JUST SUCKED ON ROOTS FOR A HIGH. A VERY SIMPLE LIFE.

KERIBOTH YOU GUYS ARE JUST SICK. YOU HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED WHAT I SEE IN THE REAL WORLD OF SOCIAL WORK.

JOSHOH I FULLY REALIZE THAT LIFE ISN’T FAIR KERI - IN FACT WHEN WE WERE GROWING UP THERE WAS THIS NEIGHBOR WHO WAS COOL MOST OF THE TIME - BUT EVERY SO OFTEN HE WOULD CHASE HIS WIFE DOWN THE STREET WITH A SNOW SHOVEL. MY PARENTS TOLD ME TO IGNORE THIS AS THEY WOULD SETTLE THEIR FIGHT SOMEHOW - PERHAPS THIS GUY NEEDED SSRI DRUGS. I SEE YOUR POINT.

KERIWELL YOU CAN’T HAVE EVERYTHING THESE DAYS - ATHLETICS, BRAINWORKS, INTERNET GURU, MONEY. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

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JOSHTHE ONLY GUY I KNOW WHO HAS IT ALL IS SAM MAXWELL WHO STOPPED IN THE OTHER DAY - HE SAID TO GIVE HIM A CALL AS HE LIVES DOWNTOWN NEAR COOK COUNTY HOSPITAL WHERE HE’S DOING AN ANESTHESIA RESIDENCY.

WILLYOU’RE KIDDING. SAM GOT THAT FAR. I KNEW HE WAS SMART - BUT NOT THAT SMART. COME TO THINK OF IT HE NEVER STUDIED AND GOT REALLY DECENT GRADES. WHERE DID HE GO TO COLLEGE ANYWAY ?

JOSHHE WENT TO CREIGHTON IN OMAHA AND WON THE FLAG FOOTBALL INTRAMURALS THERE.

WILLSAM COULD’VE PLAYED ANYWHERE D1 IF HE WANTED TO. WELL HE HAD THIS REALLY SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT. MY GOD - HE WENT INTO MEDICINE. UNBELIEVABLE.

KERIWE NEED TO GET THIS GUY IN HERE - GREAT ATHLETE AND NOW A DOCTOR - IS HE LIKE GOOD LOOKING ?

JOSHKERI WE’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE A REAL GUY CANNOT TELL IF ANOTHER GUY IS GOOD LOOKING BUT HE PROBABLY IS AS HE WAS ENGAGED TO MISS NEBRASKA.

KERIWHAT HAPPENED ? IS SAM HIGH MAINTENANCE ?

JOSHNO - JUST THE OPPOSITE - SAM COULDN’T HANDLE THE MISS NEBRASKA STUFF, HER FAMILY - WHO WERE SO WRAPPED UP IN THE MISS AMERICA COMPETITION AND EVERYTHING THAT GOES WITH THAT. SAM JUST WANTED SOMEONE NORMAL.

KERILIKE ME. GET THIS GUY IN HERE.

WILLI THOUGHT YOU WERE THROUGH WITH GUYS FOR A LONG TIME KERI ?

KERINOT WHEN THEY COME WITH THESE CREDENTIALS. THIS GUY IS AN E-HARMONY CHAMPION. BUT I WANT TO MEET HIM RIGHT HERE AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK.

WILL

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KERI, HOW ARE YOU GONNA COMPETE WITH A MISS NEBRASKA ?

KERISO YOU’RE SAYING I’M NOT AS GOOD IN A SWIM SUIT AS THIS NEBRASKA GAL OR I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ANSWER STUPID QUESTIONS TO OVER RATED CELEBRITIES OR I DON’T HAVE POWER MONEY BACKING ME AS I COMPETE TO BE ADORED LIKE THIS NEBRASKA GAL OBVIOUSLY HAD.

JOSHHANG ON KERI - YOU’RE OVERREACTING - REMEMBER THE 24 HOUR RULE.

WILLTHE NEXT TABLE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THE 24 HOUR RULE IS. SHOULD WE LET THEM IN ON IT ?

KERIYOU CAN TAKE THAT 24 HOUR RULE TO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU GUYS. I’M A GAL AND BORN TO OVER REACT. I’M NOT WAITING 24 HOURS TO RESPOND TO SUCH INSULTS. I FLAT OUT CAN COMPETE WITH THIS MISS NEBRASKA EVEN IF I’M JUST A SOCIAL WORKER.

JOSHBASICALLY GUYS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO RESPOND TO ANY NEGATIVE STATEMENTS OR INITIATE ANY THING NEGATIVE FOR 24 HOURS AS THE ILL FEELINGS WILL IN MOST CASES DIFFUSE AWAY.

KERIUNLESS YOU’RE A GIRL - IT ONLY APPLIES TO GUYS. I’LL STILL BE AS MAD TOMORROW - IN FACT WORSE IF I STEW OVER THIS. YOU GUYS ARE IMPLYING I’M NOT WORTHY OF THIS SAM MAXWELL GUY - WELL MAYBE I’M NOT - BUT I WILL FIND OUT - EVEN IF YOU GUYS WON’T HELP ME. I KNOW I’M OVER REACTING - BUT SO BE IT. BRING HIM ON.

JOSHI’VE GOT HIS CELL. YOU WANT ME TO CALL KERI ?

KERINO - LET’S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS HUNK AND NEVER EVER SEE HIM. OF COURSE I WANT YOU TO CALL HIM. HE’S THE GUY WHO THREW BOMBS TO WILL - AND WILL IS VERY FAST SO THOSE BOMBS HAD TO TRAVEL A LONG WAY - THUS OBVIOUSLY HE’S STRONG - AND IF HE DATED MISS NEBRASKA AND GOT THEIR PARENTS APPROVAL HE’S CUTE AND MOTIVATED. I DON’T NEED E-HARMONY - HE’S RIGHT HERE.

JOSHWELL HE MAY BE ON CALL OR WORKING - IT’S NOT LIKE COOK COUNTY HAS BANKERS HOURS FOR RESIDENTS.

WILL

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HE MAY BE IN SURGERY - HECK LET’S NOT BOTHER HIM WITH HIS CELL. I’LL JUST CHECK DOWN AT BERNIES DOWN THE STREET - ISN’T THAT WHERE YOU SAID HE TOLD YOU JOSH HE HUNG ?

JOSHYES - INVITE HIM IN TO MEET KERI.

KERIDAMMIT JOSH - JUST INVITE HIM IN - HE’LL MEET ME JUST IN PASSING.

JOSHYOU’RE OVER REACTING AGAIN KERI - 24 HOUR RULE.

WILLSO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO KERI - GO CHANGE INTO A SWIM SUIT THAT YOU JUST HAVE IN YOUR CAR ?

KERIYOU GUYS ARE NOT EVEN FUNNY. YOU ARE ALL DESPICABLE GUYS - A GENDER CREATED BY GOD TO TORTURE WOMEN SINCE WE HAVE A BIOLOGICAL CRAVING IN OUR MID 20S FOR GUYS. WHEN YOU ALL REACH 40 WE WANT YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE AND GONE - NOT SLUMPED IN A CHAIR SLEEPING WITH THE BEARS 4TH QUARTER ALREADY DECIDED. GUYS HAVE A DEFINITE WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY FOR US - AND IT IS VERY SHORT.

WILLI’M ON MY WAY. I’LL FIND YOU ROMEO KERI - THING IS YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS SAM MAXWELL GUY IS LIKE. HE COULD BE AS SERIAL SOMETHING. YOU DON’T KNOW. MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL NEBRASKA.

KERIDOWN TO BERNIE’S WILL. I’M GONG TO FRESHEN UP A BIT. BACK IN A FEW.

JOSHI’VE NEVER SEEN HER LIKE THIS. WHAT IS GOING ON ?

WILLI THINK SHE IS HONEST AND ADMITS TO A BIOLOGICAL CRAVING FOR THE RIGHT GUY AT THIS AGE - WOMEN ARE MUCH MORE MATURE THAN WE ARE REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS. ONCE THEY FIND A GUY - THEY LATCH WITH OCTOPUS HANDS AND IT’S OVER. THERE’S NO WAY OUT.

JOSHI THOUGHT FOR A WHILE SHE LIKED ELLIOTT - BUT.........

WILLBUT OBVIOUSLY SHE KNOWS THE ELLIOTTPER IS FUNNY - SHE MISSES THE SPOTLIGHT WITH HER FORMER ILLINOIS QUARTERBACK FRIEND. HECK SHE’D PROBABLY LIKE ME IF I DIDN’T HAVE ADHD.

JOSH

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I DON’T KNOW WILL. KERI EVINCES COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ALL WOMEN - THOUGH SHE IS FAIRLY COOL IN HANGING WITH US AND THE SPORTS AND ALL - SHE IS STILL A GAL....AND THEY THINK AND ACT DIFFERENT THAN GUYS DO.

WILLOH THE GUY IN THE CORNER WANTS SOME MORE AGED CHEDDAR. HE ALSO WANTS TO KNOW IF ZUERCHER’S SELLS WHOLESALE. BY THE LOOKS OF SOME OF THESE PEOPLE IN HERE, THEY NEED A WHOLESALE DEAL WITH ZUERCHERS.

JOSHCOMING RIGHT UP SIR - WITH A LITE LEINIES.

WILLAS IF THAT WILL TRIM THAT GUY DOWN - GIVE ME A BREAK.

JOSHMY CELL IS GOING OFF AND I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO ANSWER WHILE AT WORK BUT IT’S AN OUT OF AREA CALL. HUH - NO ANSWER.

WILLWHAT’S THE AREA CODE ?

JOSHRACINE

KERII HEARD THAT JOSH - I TOLD YOU THAT MYSTERY GIRL IS SPYING - HOW DID SHE GET YOUR CELL # - AND WILL GET YOUR RUMP DOWN TO BERNIE’S AND CHECK IT OUT - OR I’LL CALL DOCTOR SAM MAXWELL PERSONALLY.

JOSHSETTLE KERI - YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY. HE WAS IN BOTH BRAINWORKS AND THE ATHLETIC CLIQUE AT WRIGLEYVILLE HIGH.

KERIYOU GUYS ALREADY SAID THAT - SO WHAT - DOES THAT MEAN HE’S THAT COOL OR NO GROUP WANTED HIM FULLTIME. I GUESS EVERYONE KNEW HIM.

JOSHOF COURSE - HE WAS ALL CONFERENCE AND MVP - AND COULD’VE PLAYED COLLEGE - BUT WANTED TO GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL - SO HE WENT TO CREIGHTON.

KERIISN’T THAT CATHOLIC ? I REMEMBER THEIR RECRUITERS. I SHOULD’VE GONE THERE INSTEAD OF GOING TO CHAMPAIGN WHERE I MET THAT MONSTER.

JOSH

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SEEMS LIKE YOU’RE ALWAYS CHASING QUARTERBACKS - I MEAN THERE ARE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE - HALFBACKS, CORNERS, SPECIAL TEAM GUYS.

KERIIT’S JUST COINCIDENCE.

JOSHI REALLY DON’T THINK SO KERI - I MEAN YOU LIGHTED UP ONCE WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT THIS GUY.

KERIOK - I LIKE QUARTERBACKS. BUT SAM SOUNDS AS IF HE’S GOT IT ALL TOGETHER - GIVING UP COLLEGE FOOTBALL FOR MEDICINE - HOW ROMANTIC AND UPLIFTING !

JOSHYOU’RE SICK KERI. REAL SICK. YOU DON’T EVEN REALIZE THERE ARE TONS OF CRAPPY DOCS WHO KILL THEIR SPOUSES AND PATIENTS. SAM COULD BE A SERIAL GUY. YOU DON’T KNOW.

KERIWELL I JUST KNOW HE’S NOT. BRING HIM ON. CHECK OUT BERNIES BY GIVING WILL A CALL ON HIS CELL STAT.

JOSHMY PHONE JUST WENT OFF - EXCUSE ME.......OK WILL I UNDERSTAND...MAYBE ANOTHER NIGHT......

KERIWHAT’S GOING ON JOSH - REMEMBER THE TRUTH - THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

JOSHSAM IS BUSY.

KERIYOU MEAN DRUNK ?

JOSHNO - JUST BUSY.

KERIWHAT IS IT ? A BIRTHDAY PARTY ? AN OVERNIGHTER ? WE SAID WE’D BE HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER - YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND IF YOU DON’T LAY IT ON THE LINE. SPILL !!

JOSHOK IF YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW MISS KERI...............

KERII’M WAITING..........

JOSH

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HE’S WITH ANOTHER GIRL. NOW DO YOU WANT THEM BOTH TO COME OVER HERE - BECAUSE WILL IS STILL OVER THERE TALKING TO THEM AND I CAN PHONE WILL OR BERNIE’S.

KERIALL YOU GUYS ARE UNFATHOMABLE CREEPS - A LOWER FORM OF LIFE THAT NEVER EVOLVED.

JOSHWAIT A SECOND KERI - IT’S GOOD THAT SAM IS WITH A GIRL - THAT MEANS HE’S ALSO LOOKING FOR A PARTNER.

KERINO - SOME NURSE JUST TWINKLED HER EYES AND OCTOPUSED SAM - I CAN JUST SEE IT. MAKES ME SICK. GIVE ME ANOTHER LEINIES AND A BRAT - SMOTHERED WITH ONIONS.

JOSHCOMING RIGHT UP. OOPS MY PHONE JUST WENT OFF.....AND IT’S WILL SAYING SAM AND THE GIRL ARE HEADING OVER HERE. YOU GOT YOUR WISH.

KERIWHAT DO I DO - I’M OUT OF HERE AND QUICK.

JOSHNO - DON’T GO - THIS IS YOUR REAL CHANCE. SO WHAT IF HE’S ON A DATE - THAT’S NORMAL. STAY ! YOU NEVER KNOW.

KERII HAVE 5 MINUTES TO DECIDE... OK I’LL STAY AND MEET HIS GIRLFRIEND ALSO. THAT WILL BE REAL NICE.

JOSHWILL SAYS THE GIRLFRIEND IS EXTREMELY QUIET.

KERIWELL OCTOPUSES CAN’T TALK ONCE THEY HAVE YOU SUFFOCATED. IT’S STRAIGHT SCIENCE. IT’S OVER AND ALREADY DECIDED.

WILLHEY JOSH AND KERI - THEY ARE BOTH ON THEIR WAY. SHOULD BE HERE IN A MINUTE. BOTH LOVE THE CUBS.

KERISHE’S PROBABLY FAKING IT BECAUSE MOST HOSPITAL GIRLS I KNOW HATE BASEBALL.

WILLLOTS OF GALS LIE ABOUT LIKING SPORTS BEFORE MARRIAGE AND THEN RETRACT AFTER D DAY.

KERI

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WELL I FLAT OUT LOVE ALL THE SPORTS - AND I’M NOT A FAKE. MISS NURSE OCTOPUS IS OBVIOUSLY LYING TO SAM AND HE’S FALLING FOR IT BIG TIME.

JOSHHEY SAM - HOW ARE YOU DOING AND THIS IS ........OH MELANIE ? AND YOU ARE A NURSE AT COOK COUNTY ON THE........... ORTHOPEDIC FLOOR ?

WILLMELANIE HAS LARYNGITIS JOSH. AND SHE FLOATS BETWEEN ICU AND ORTHOPEDICS - AND EVEN GOES INTO SURGERY ON WEEKENDS. SHE IS QUITE VERSATILE.

KERISO YOU TWO MET IN SURGERY IT LOOKS LIKE. I KNOW MELANIE YOU CAN’T TALK SO HEAD NODS ARE QUITE OK.

SAMI’M SAM MAXWELL KERI - NICE TO MEET YOU. MELANIE AND I MET IN THE CHAPEL - ON ALL SAINTS DAY - A HOLY DAY OF OBLIGATION. DID YOU GO TO CHURCH THAT DAY ?

KERINO - I MISSED IT - BUT SAID THE ROSARY INSTEAD.

SAMSO YOU ARE CATHAHOLIC. SO MANY OUR AGE HAVE FADED AWAY FROM THE CHURCH WHILE AT COLLEGE - BUT WE HAVEN’T.

KERISO DO YOU LIKE THE CUBS SAM ?

SAMYOU BET - IN FACT THE SOD AT WRIGLEY IS JUST GETTING DONE - WITH THE NEW DRAINAGE SYSTEM AT 1.5 MILLION.

KERII HEARD THEY EXTENDED THE WARNING TRACK BY 20 FEET - PRETTY COOL NOW SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO BANG INTO THE IVY WALL AS MUCH.

SAMAND THE CUBS CAN PLAY AFTER RAIN WITHIN 20 MINUTES BECAUSE ALL THE WATER DRAINS TOWARDS RIGHT FIELD.

KERIAND THEY SHAVED THE FIELD SO LOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE OUTFIELDERS NOW AND ORDER BETTER ALIGNMENTS FOR SPECIFIC BATTERS - AND HAVE BETTER BASE RUNNING AND BATTER SIGNS .

SAM

16

BUT THIS GUY BROSSARD WHO PUT IN THE NEW GRASS IS A SOX FAN - SO I SUSPECT HE DID SOMETHING REALLY TRICKY THAT WE’LL NEVER KNOW.

KERII WOULDN’T WORRY SINCE MOST OF THE TEAMS HE’S REPLACED GRASS HAVE GONE ON TO WIN THE SERIES - AND THIS NEXT YEAR IT’LL BE 100 YEARS SINCE WE LAST WON.

SAMWE’RE ON THE UPSWING THOUGH - DEREK WON A GOLD GLOVE.

KERIAND JONES WENT TO DETROIT THIS WEEK. DOESN’T LOOK LIKE WE’LL GET AROD OR MARK CUBAN.

SAMAND Z WAS 5TH IN CY YOUNG AND LOU 4TH AS MANAGER OF THE YEAR - WE DIDN’T WIN THIS STUFF BUT WE’RE GETTING VOTES.

KERIAND WE START AND END WITH THE BREWERS NEXT YEAR. THOSE WILL BE GREAT SERIES. I CAN’T WAIT. WHERE DO YOU LIKE TO SIT ?

SAMANYWHERE I CAN GET A TICKET - I HAVE BEEN RECENTLY IN THE RIGHT FIELD HOUSES BECAUSE A FRIEND OF A FRIEND HAS SOME TICKETS OUT THERE - GREAT VIEWS AND THE BEER IS CHEAP.

KERIDO THEY SERVE WINE OUT THERE ?

SAMYOU BET - ANYTHING YOU WANT ?

KERIHOW UNBELIEVABLE ROMANTIC ?

SAMDO YOU GO TO ARIZONA IN THE WINTER FOR SPRING BALL ?

KERII WENT ONCE WHEN IN COLLEGE AND IT WAS A BLAST - ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY PLAYED THE SOX.

SAMWE PLAY THEM TWICE THIS SPRING - SHOULD BE A GOOD TEST SINCE OZZIE IS STILL HERE.

JOSHSAM - DIDN’T I JUST HEAR YOU BEEPER GO OFF - OR WAS THAT YOURS MELANIE ?

17

SAMIT’S HERS SINCE I’M NOT ON CALL UNTIL MONDAY - AND MELANIE IS ALWAYS ON CALL.

KERIMUST BE EXCRUCIATINGLY TOUGH MELANIE - I MEAN TO BE ON CALL ALL THE TIME ?

WILLKERI. IT’S NORMAL FOR HOSPITAL PEOPLE TO FLAT OUT BE ON CALL.

SAMWELL I USUALLY AM - BUT MY BUDDY WANTED SOME EXTRA CASH SO I LET HIM HAVE THE WEEKEND AT COOK. HE’LL REGRET IT MONDAY.

KERISO HOW DO YOU LIKE ANESTHESIOLOGY RESIDENCY DOWNTOWN ?

SAMIT’S THE VERY BEST - LOTS OF DIFFICULT CASES - GREAT PROFESSORS WHO GIVE YOU INDEPENDENCE - AND ARE THERE WHEN YOU NEED THEM. GREAT MEDICAL PROFESSOR LECTURES ALSO WHEN THE RESIDENTS ARE NOT DELIVERING.

WILLSOUNDS LIKE TOO MUCH WORK FOR ONE PERSON SAM - ARE ALL THE HORROR STORIES ABOUT 100 PLUS HOUR WORK WEEKS TRUE ?

SAMYES - THERE ARE RULES - BUT NO ONE ABIDES - OCCASIONALLY SOME GIRL RESIDENT CALLS WASHINGTON AND COMPLAINS - AND THEN THERE IS A FEDERAL REVIEW WHICH YIELDS A SLAP ON THE HAND. BUT WE’RE BACK TO 100 HOUR WORK WEEKS WITHIN A WEEK - YOU NEED LONG WEEKS TO LEARN ALL THAT IS REQUIRED. BUT I’M HALF WAY DONE AND NEARLY COMPLETED ALL THE DIFFICULT ROTATIONS.

KERIWHERE DO YOU LIVE - AT THE HOSPITAL ?

SAMPRACTICALLY - NOW I’M AT A SMALL APARTMENT A BLOCK AWAY IN A NOT SAFE NEIGHBORHOOD - I FELT THAT WAS MORE SAFE THAN DRIVING THE STEVENSON AND CRASHING BECAUSE I’M ALWAYS TIRED. MELANIE AND I ARE ACTUALLY THINKING OF MOVING IN TOGETHER TO SAVE MONEY.

WILLBUT YOU GUYS ARE BOTH CATHOLIC ?

JOSHTHE NEW POPE MAY HAVE CHANGED THE RULES ? WHO KNOWS ?

18

SAMBOY JOSH THIS LEINIES IS FANTASTIC - AND THE ZUERCHER’S IS OUTSTANDING. MELANIE AND I WILL BOTH BE BACK FOR MORE WHEN WE GET A BREAK. WE’VE GOT TO GET HOME AS IN HOUSE COOK COUNTY CALL STARTS IN A FEW HOURS . NICE MEETING YOU KERI. WE’LL TALK MORE LATER WILL AND JOSH ?

JOSHSEE YA SAM !

WILLTALK TO YOU LATER MELANIE AND SAM !

KERII’M OUGHT OF HERE - JOSH AND WILL - BOTH OF YOU ARE LESS THAN LOWER LIFE FORMS THAN I GAVE YOU CREDIT FOR. IN FACT YOU AREN’T EVEN LIFE FORMS - YOU ARE 100% GLACIAL SLUDGE. I’M HEADING HOME AND TO MY DOCTOR FOR SOME SSRI DRUGS. I MAY NEVER BE BACK.

WILLBUT KERI - YOU ASKED FOR IT. I HAVEN’T SEEN SAM SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

JOSHYES KERI - YOU’RE OVER REACTING - SO WHAT IF SAM HAS A GIRLFRIEND - THAT’S A GOOD THING. HE’S PROBABLY NOT GAY, IS IN THE 20 SOMETHING MARKET, AND.......

KERIBOTH OF YOU SHUT UP. IF YOU WERE REAL FRIENDS, YOU WOULD VAPORIZE OR IMMOBILIZE THIS MELANIE. THEY’RE MOVING IN TOGETHER - HE’S TOTALLY LOST. SHE IS AN OCTOPUS WHO CAN’T TALK. I’VE TOTALLY HAD IT WITH BOTH AND YOU AND THIS 20 SOMETHING SCENE AT WEAGHMAN’S PARK. I TRULY MAY NEVER BE BACK.

End - EpisodE 6, Clark and addison