Name: _______________________________English 11Clarity

Directions: Read the passage in each box. Read each question after the passage. Choose the best answer.

Here are 2 drafts of Catalinas essay on Sherman Alexie. Use both drafters to answer the questions.DRAFT A(1) The odds were stacked against Sherman Alexie from the beginning. (2) Born in 1966 on the Spokane Indian Reservation in eastern Washington, Alexie was affected by a condition called hydrocephalus. (3) The term hydrocephalus comes from the Greek hydro (water) and cephalus (head). (4) The doctors didnt think he would live. (5) After he survived brain surgery, the doctors said that if he survived, he would be mentally disabled. (6) Alexie did experience side effects, but was reading novels by the age of five.(7) This was perfect training for an aspiring writer, though other obstacles lay ahead. (8) First, Alexie faced the challenge of adapting to an unfamiliar environment. (9) At Rearden High School, the only other Native American was the school mascot. (10) Next, Alexie had to give up his childhood dream of becoming a doctor. (11) He did this after fainting several times in an anatomy class. (12) Finally, Alexie discovered his poetic voice in a workshop at Washington State. (13) At age 23, he published his first collection of poetry, The Business of Fancy Dancing, launching what has become a successful writing career.

DRAFT B(1) Sherman Alexie was born in 1966 on the Spokane Indian Reservation. (2) This is located in eastern Washington. (3) He was born with hydrocephalus, a condition known informally as water on the brain. (4) He had surgery. (5) He survived, and the doctors through he would be mentally disabled. (6) He proved them wrong by reading novels as a young boy.(7) When Alexie became a teenager, he decided to go to school in the nearby town of Rearden. (8) The school mascot was an Indian. (9) Alexie was the only real Native American going to school there. (10) Alexie wanted to be a doctor. (11) He couldnt stomach anatomy class. (12) He took a poetry class at Washington State. (13) He published his first collection of poetry when he was 23. (14) Now he is a successful writer.

1 Which underlined sentence in DRAFT A repeats information?

2 Which sentence in DRAFT A gives unnecessarily specific information?A 1B 2C 3D 4

3 In DRAFT B, and does not correctly link the ideas in the sentence. Write the conjunction that should be used instead: _____________________

4 In both drafts, paragraph 1 would be most improved if the author---F provided a quote from the doctor who examined Alexie as a child.G gave the precise location of the reservation.H introduced earlier the idea that Alexie is a writer.J explained the standard treatment for hydrocephalus.

5 What is the main difference btween paragraph 2 in DRAFT A and DRAFT B?

A DRAFT A is focused and unified.B DRAFT A uses transitional words that need to be revised.C DRAFT B uses complex sentence structure.D DRAFT B includes information that is unrelated to the topic.