Engage conflict wellEngage conflict wellThomas Porter

Co-Executive Director of JustPeace

QuickTime™ and aH.264 decompressor

are needed to see this picture.

How do we create the How do we create the space and the time where space and the time where

people can...people can...Find sacred space, a relatively safe space

Recognize their interdependence and interconnection

Find a sense of equality and respect

Live out of a relational covenant

Have voice - even the quiet ones

Tell and hear stories

Experience deep listening and respectful speaking

Feel responsible and accountable for the outcome

Solve their own problems and find healing

Characteristics of the Characteristics of the CircleCircle

Equidistant from the center

Equal visual access to everyone else

Interconnected: about relationships

Equal - no hierarchies

Equal responsibility and accountability

Equal respect

Collective wisdom and discernment

A way of being in community

The Circle is Sacred...The Circle is Sacred...Opening and closing rituals frame the whole time and space together as sacred...

At the center, a reminder of the presence of God, for example a candle.

A space safe enough, physically and emotionally, for the telling of stories and the speaking and hearing of truth.

Each person is the alpha and omega of the circle.

Experience the power of ritual to transform lives and create community.

The talking pieceThe talking pieceThe talking piece is something of significance to the circle that is respected

When you hold it, you may speak. When you do not hold it, you listen

You may pass

Everyone has an opportunity to be heard without interruption and commentary, including the quiet ones.

The talking piece is passed in order clockwise around the circle.

The Circle StewardThe Circle StewardSet a tone of respect and hope that honors and supports every participant

Frame the circle as sacred by beginning and ending with ritual

Obtain agreement on the relational covenant

Raise powerful questions and issues to addressbefore passing the talking piece

Encourage the telling and hearing of stories

At the end of passing the talking piece, summarize the contributions of the circle

Maintain the process and respect for the covenant

The Circle StewardThe Circle StewardWhen appropriate, hold the talking piece and open discussion, but use the same covenant - recognize one at a time

Be flexible

Be patient - give circle time to work

Help explore options and common ground

Summarize consensus or, if there is no consensus, what has been accomplished (openness, honesty, willingness to listen and to engage, respect) and what has not been accomplished

Help them resolve their own conflicts, heal themselves, find justice and right relations, and reconcile with each other

Virtues of a StewardVirtues of a StewardRespectful

Fair

Appreciative

Honest

Authentic

Skillful in process

Patient and persistent (hopeful)

Humble: Gives credit to the circle for the good results

Advantages of Advantages of Co-StewardingCo-Stewarding

A balance in terms of diversity can assist parties in feeling more comfortable, especially in conflicts involving race, ethnicity, or gender.

Two heads are better than one in deciding on the best process or approach in difficult cases.

Different styles and experiences can provide combined knowledge, skills, and insights.

Co-facilitators can take turns or divide up the work. One may focus more on issues and facts while the other focuses on feelings or emotions, or one can lead and direct the process while the other monitors and ensures that important elements are not overlooked.

Challenges of Challenges of Co-StewardingCo-Stewarding

It requires teamwork in terms of preparation, coordination, timing, and cohesiveness.

It requires understanding of each other's strengths, weaknesses, approaches, and techniques.

It requires the ability to strategize and cue each other in order to stay on track.

When assembling a team, meeting with your co-steward before a session is critical.

Building a Building a Co-Stewarding TeamCo-Stewarding Team

Who will take the lead role in each step?

How will tasks be divided?

How will one step in when the other is in trouble? What signals will you use? How can you quietly pass the lead to your co-facilitator?

In terms of individual stewarding style, how can you best complement each other?

What does each of you do well? What do you not do well?

What does each of you see as potential difficulties with the upcoming circle, and how might you handle them?

Do a joint evaluation at the end of the circle to sharpen your skills and share insights about additional strengths and weaknesses.

Preparation for the Preparation for the CircleCircle

Careful Planning: haste makes waste in time and energy.

Talk with key people to determine issues, concerns and needs.

Begin building trust and relationship.

Ask who should be involved?

Who will be effected?

Who might block any decision?

Who will bring wisdom to the circle?

Preparation for the Preparation for the CircleCircle

Be clear and open about all aspects of the process:

Purpose

What is being discussed

Where and when

Decision-making process

Explain how the circle works

Explain your role

Discuss covenants – share basic circle covenant

Determine if affinity circles are needed

Getting Parties to the Getting Parties to the TableTable

Focus on building trust and gathering information

Make the process clear, including:

Your role

Their Role

Volunteer nature of the process

Process will work by consensus

Ask reality questions:

What are the costs of continuing in the same way?

What will happen if things are not resolved?

Be alert to cultural differences

Help people become comfortable with who will attend, what time, and the venue

Rituals Rituals Create...Create...

OrderCommunityTransformation of Experience

Relational Relational Covenant Covenant “Share values in action, expressed in a practical

manner.” - Kay Pranis

A Covenant for a A Covenant for a CircleCircle

What is shared while in circle, stays in circle.

Personal information that is shared in circle is kept confidential except when

safety would be compromised.

Speak with respect:Speak only when you have the talking piece. Speak from the heart. Speak only for yourself. Be specific. Speak in a way that encourages dialogue. Be brief and to the point.

A Covenant for a A Covenant for a CircleCircle

Listen with respect: Listen for understanding.Be open to be transformed.

Stay in circle: Respect for the circle calls upon people

to stay in circle while the circle works to find resolution to the issues raised.

Developing a Developing a Relational CovenantRelational Covenant

How would you like to be treated?

How should members of the Body of Christ be treated

What is the vision of the Body of Christ?

How do we create the respect for each member as a child of God?

How do we create sanctuary or safety for each member of the community?

How do we listen for understanding, speak the truth i love, use our imaginations and be forgiven?

How are we going to make decisions?

How do we deal with the issues of confidentiality and transparency?

How do we deal with accountability to the covenant?

How do we maintain an openness to revise the covenant as needed?

A Three-Level A Three-Level ApproachApproach

Appreciative InquiryMoving from Positions to Interests and NeedsHealing the Harm

Getting to a Good Place Getting to a Good Place TogetherTogether

Identity common assets, hopes, concerns; establish common ground; build on these

List and clarify the issues, interests and needs

Work on one issue at a time (usually start with the easiest to resolve)

Generate options, to meet interests and needs.

Brainstorm as many ideas as possible without critical evaluation

Welcome each idea and list them without comment

Getting to a Good Place Getting to a Good Place TogetherTogether

Evaluate the options together.

For each option, evaluate the pros and cons

Determine which option best meets the interests and needs of the parties.

Select options and plan implementation.

At all times, look for opportunities to point out areas of commonalty and positive intentions.

Acknowledge hurt, anger, and frustration.

Affirm constructive moves and highlight progress made.

Consensus Consensus Consensus

Every interest is heard and understood.

Everyone accepts the outcome (not necessarily agree – stand aside).

Accepted because they believe they were heard and a good response was heard.

All seek alternatives that address everyone’s concerns and interests, something greater (higher ground) than anyone’s preconceived ideas (newness).

Obligation not to stymie but to help the group meet your interests and needs.

Obligation to continue to try to meet the interests and needs of those who stand aside.

Group ownership

Retributive Justice

Restorative Justice

Crime or Wrong-Doing

- violation of the law- state is the victim

- violation or harm to people/relationships in

community

The Aim of Justice

- establish blame, guilt or liability

- administer pain/punishment

- identify needs- identify obligations

- promote healing

The Process of Justice

- conflict between adversaries

- winners and losers

- collaborative engagement- maximizing

information dialogue and mutual agreement

HarmHarm

Accountability EngagemEngagem

ent ent

Those Harmed: Their Those Harmed: Their NeedsNeeds

Safety

Being heard

Answers

Restitution and accountability

Participation

Healing

Offenders: Their Offenders: Their NeedsNeeds

Knowledge of harm

Coping with guilt

Being seen as a person in context

Sharing in decisions about making things right

Making things right

Being reintegrated into community

Healing

Community: Our Community: Our NeedsNeeds

Safety

Supporting and assisting those harmed

Holding offenders accountable

Working to support, assist and reintegrate offenders in the community

Addressing the larger systemic issues

Healing

“Because they are bound together to the event, both

victim and offender need each other to experience the liberation and healing from the continuing

thrall of the offense. The offender needs the victim to

trigger or sharpen his contrition, to hear his confession, remit his guilt, and to affirm his ability to

start fresh. The victim needs the offender to hear her pain, answer

her questions, absorb her resentment, and affirm her

dignity. Each holds the key to the other’s liberation.”

~Christopher Marshall

Nun’s Prayer (17th Nun’s Prayer (17th Century)Century)

Lord, Thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Make me thoughtful but not moody: helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends at the

end. 

Keep my mind free of the recital of endless details: give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and

rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask forgrace enough to enjoy the tales of others pains, but help me to endure them with

patience. 

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and alessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken. 

Keep me reasonably sweet: I do not want to be a Saint—some of them areso hard to live with—but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, 0 Lord, the grace to tell them so. Amen.