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Chuck Norris Pilot Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board

Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

If you ever lose sight of Chuck Norris, check your six o'clock.

When Chuck Norris taxies onto the runway, incoming traffic is told to hold

short

Chuck Norris never "loses" altitude, he simply gets rid of it when he no

longer has any use for it.

A precautionary approach according to Chuck Norris is sneaking up on

someone from behind right before he breaks their neck with a judo chop

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare

get cross with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't fly into headwinds...the wind is always running away

from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is

never under pressure.

Chuck Norris does not have to worry about crashing into the ground. The

ground will gladly get out of Chuck Norris' way.

Chuck Norris has never had a midair collision, He has shot down any plane

that has gotten within 10 miles

When told to break at the numbers, Chuck Norris politely reminded the

controller that Chuck Norris cannot be broken and proceeded with the

straight in.

Chuck Norris was taking the active runway and noticed the windsock was

pointed in his direction. Chuck Norris calmly got out of his helicopter,

walked over to the windsock and obliterated it with a double roundhouse

kick. No one points at Chuck Norris...no one.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are

flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn't shoot approaches...he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck

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Norris

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists

simultaneously

Once, Chuck Norris was told to down one of his students. That student isstill recovering from his injuries.

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris

broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't manage operational risk...he seeks it.

Crew-served weapons are not safe until Chuck Norris takes his hand off of

the trigger.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fistcoming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesn't level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

Chuck Norris doesn't need crew rest...he never sleeps.

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance...once

Shock and Awe are the names of Chuck Norris' legs

Minimum Safe Altitudes do not apply when Chuck Norris is airborne, if you

are in the air when Chuck Norris is flying you are never safe.

Chuck Norris is never given the instructions "when able" . Chuck Norris is

never unable to do anything.

Favorable winds are always in the same direction as Chuck Norris' flight

path

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to

punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through thehole he just made.

Chuck Norris has never had to adapt his eyes to the dark. His infrared

vision is working perfectly fine.

Chuck Norris doesn't have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

When asked for a time check, Chuck Norris replied, "Two til". The other

pilot said "Two til what". Two seconds later the pilot was kicked in the

face by a lightning fast round house kick.

A permanent TFR surrounds Chuck Norris...no one is safe.

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Chuck Norris' aviators are mirrored, this is so you can see your expression

the moment before he kicks your face in.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you

are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Leading cause of disorientation for pilots: Chuck Norris

If you become hypoxic during flight; apologize to Mr. Norris and ask him to

remove his foot from your throat.

Chuck Norris never turns up the volume on his radios, he tells everyoneelse to speak louder.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

A sonic boom is the sound of Chuck Norris smacking you in the face telling

you to slow the hell down.

Chuck Norris isn't holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

The weather outlook for the area around Chuck Norris: 100% Chance of Pain

Getting acute with Chuck Norris will be your last mistake.

There is no need to use your rearview mirrors, rest assured; Chuck Norris

will always be there.

No one knows what Chuck Norris' tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that

close.

There are two kinds of fighter pilots: those who have not yet challenged

Chuck Norris to a dog fight and those who have. Unfortunately, we have been

unable to find any who have challenged him.

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