Screenplay

1 INT. BACKSTAGE OF VMA’S NIGHT 1

Taylor Swift is making her way towards the backstage of the

VMA’s. She looks slightly confused as she is looking for

Beyonce’s room. Taylor crinkles her nose and has the

sniffles, but smiles when she sees Beyonce’s room.

BEYONCE

... Not that bad.

KANYE

No she’s not bad... she’s horrible.

Door is cracked so Taylor can peek in without being noticed.

Lights are dimly lit, with light on Kanye, Beyonce, and

Kanye’s hoes.

BEYONCE

Well you wanna know what I think?

She’s overrated, all her fans are

12 year old girls, and her music is

about a fake little fairy tale.

Frankly... she’s lame.

KANYE

(laughs and takes a swig of

alcohol)

I just ended that fairy tale.

Hoes laugh. Taylor cries and runs off into the night.

2 EXT. DARK ALLEY NIGHT 2

Taylor is sitting on a crate crying, leaning against a

dumpster as it’s drizzling outside.

HOMELESS MAN

... You ever done crack?

TAYLOR

(Looks over at Homeless Man,

rolling around with his bag of

crack after he climbs out of a

dumpster.)

No, no I have not.

HOMELESS MAN

(Pulls up a crate next to her,

combs his hair without much

effect.)

What happened to you, sweet cheeks?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2.

TAYLOR

I used to be famous, but apparently

people hate me now.

HOMELESS MAN

(Combs hair again.)

Ya know, I used to run this

country. But then someone

interrupted me in the middle of a

speech, and people never stopped

making fun of me for it!

TAYLOR

OH MY GOD, me too!

HOMELESS MAN

(Looks away, snorts something

in the shadows.)

It’s a bitch, aint it? Here, try

some of this. It’ll make you feel a

lot better.

TAYLOR

(Leans in, about to take some

drugs before noticing the

newspaper article.)

Hmmm, this is interesting... an

internship for an advertising

company... I COULD use a change of

pace...

Homeless man grumbles to himself, takes his drugs and walks

off.

3 INT. OFFICE MORNING 3

Taylor is standing in the elevator, checking herself out in

the reflection on the mirror-y wall of the elevator.

Taylor walks out of the elevator onto a floor full of

cubicles. Phones are ringing, office workers are making

their way to their designated areas.

NANCY:

You must be Crystal?

TAYLOR:

Hey, yeah, that’s me! Crystal! Nice

to meet you!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3.

NANCY:

(Stares back with a mundane

face.)

That’s nice. Come this way.

Taylor smiles and shakes her hand. The assistant gives an

overview of her job description as they make their way

through the office, to her desk.

NANCY:

Lucky you. Your next to the boss’

office. You better stay on task. So

I don’t know what little princess

life you were babied on, but here

we don’t baby, you. We give you

your assignments and you do them.

If I see you crying about any of

this then I will have the janitor

stay here all night and keep the

place open so you can work the

entire night. You read me?

Nancy drops a huge stack of papers on Taylor’s desk.

NANCY:

Looks like you’re already behind.

TAYLOR:

(Taylor looks inferior as

Nancy walks off.)

...ok.

MOOSE rolls over in a office chair. He is dressed very

fashionably.

MOOSE:

we call her negative Nancy.

TAYLOR:

HUH. I can see why.

MOOSE:

You look like you’re new around

here.

TAYLOR:

Yep, first day. Don’t know anybody

and I don’t know what to do yet.

MOOSE:

Ah... I can help you out. My

name’s Moose.(he extends his hand)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 4.

TAYLOR:

Crystal. Nice to meet you.

MOOSE:

Over there is Blair, but people

call him snitch. He’s known as the

office taddle tale. So be on your

best behavior. (points to the next

cubicle)

TAYLOR:

ok... (smiles and nods)

MOOSE:

Todd. He’s a quiet guy but don’t

let that fool you. He may keep to

himself, but if he’s hungry, he has

no problem going through your desk

to find a snack.(points across the

room) Tony. He has ADD. We think

he’s taking too high of a dose of

focus medicine, so don’t let it

bother you if he stares at you for

a longtime. He’s not creepy. His

meds make him focus a little too

much. (points to the guy in the

corner) Kristin. DOn’t ask her any

favors, she immediately forgets and

will do it all wrong.

TAYLOR:

WOW! haha... There are some

characters in this office.

MOOSE:

Oh yeah! I’ll introduce you to more

of them later. (Taylor smiles at

Moose) Ok, I gotta get back to work

before the office snitch catches me

chatting. But it you need any

help, I’m right behind you.

TAYLOR:

Thanks a lot! You have been very

helpful. (phone rings...) Hello

this is Crystal.

BOSS:

Hello. This is your boss. Come to

my office.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 5.

TAYLOR:

Ok. Be the in a minute.(hangs up

and makes her way to his office)

BOSS:

Hey! I wanted to formally introduce

myself. My name is...

TAYLOR:

Crystal. Nice to meet you.

BOSS:

Now I can match a pretty face to

your name. (he smiles)

TAYLOR:

Thanks! (she blushes and smiles,

Boss’ has a regretful smile) Oh you

play guitar?

BOSS:

No, I wish. One of my clients

signed it for me.

TAYLOR:

Oh that’s cool.

BOSS:

How are things going so far?

TAYLOR:

Alright, I just have a lot of paper

work to go trough.

BOSS:

I bet. Well if you need any help,

you can stop by or give me a ring.

TAYLOR:

Totally! (she walks back to her

desk)

4 INT. APARTMENT 4

The day is over. Taylor drivs back to her apartment. Makes

her way up the stairs, opens the door, meets her roommate

for the first time.

TAYLOR:

Hey Roomie! I’m Crystal! Nice to

finally meet you!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6.

BETH:

Hi. Beth.(Stares with a blank look)

TAYLOR:

I hope you don’t mind some of the

things I have added to the

apartment. (they both stare at

Taylor’s side, all decorated with

glamour. Then they look at Beth’s

side, very dull and bland)

BETH:

It’s fine. (monotone,

expressionless)

TAYLOR:

Well, I’ve had a long day of work

so I’m going to go relax in my

room. (anxiously leaves awkward

situation)

5 INT OFFICE 5

Next morning, Taylor is finishing up the pile of

paperwok. Gets side tracked when song ideas flood her mind

about her beautiful boss. She grabs a pencil and pad of

post-its.

TAYLOR:

Scribbles her ideas down on

post-its, sticks them all over her

desk and computer screen.She begins

to hum excitedly and her actions

are becoming distracting

BLAIR:

Um... Excuse me miss? (Taylor

doesn’t notice) Excuse me!(raises

his voice and slaps the desk and

Taylor jumps up)Your humming is

very distracting!

TAYLOR:

Oh... I’m so sorry.

BLAIR:

Are you even doing your work?

TAYLOR:

Um... I was... (Moose nervously

glances over his shoulder to see

what is going on.)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 7.

BLAIR:

Looks like I need to report you to

the boss. (shadey smile)

BOSS:

Report what to me?

BLAIR:

This chick isn’t doing her work.

She’s humming and scribbling all

over these post-it notes.

BOSS:

Blair. Get back to work.

BLAIR:

Yes sir. (glares at Taylor as he

leaves)

BOSS:

So what are you up to?

TAYLOR:

I’m so sorry. I just need a break

from the paperwork so I started

scribbling song ideas out. I didnt

mean to disrupt. (Boss picks up a

few and reads them)

BOSS:

These are pretty good. ( he

smiles)But you should probably get

back to work.

TAYLOR:

Yes. Of course. (giggly again)

6 EXT: OFFICE PARKING LOT 6

The work day is over and Taylor is out in the nearly empty

parking lot, waiting by the boss’s car. The boss walks out

the door and notices Taylor. He pauses, slightly confused,

and then continues walking towards her and his car.

BOSS:

Hey... Do you need a ride or

something?

TAYLOR:

Oh no... What are you doing

tonight? (awkward silence)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 8.

BOSS:

Well, I have dinner with my clients

tonight.

TAYLOR:

Oh... (She glances at the dashboard

and and sees his reservations)

BOSS:

Yeah... Ok well I got to go or I’ll

be late.

TAYLOR:

Definitely. Have a nice night. (She

leans in for a hug as he extends

his hand.)

BOSS:

Uh... Yeah... you... too...(their

hug and handshake turns into an

awkward high five. He jumps into

his car and drives off.)

7 EXT. STREET CORNER NIGHT 7

Taylor is sitting across the street from the restaurant

entrance, dressed in a disguise of a mustache and glasses,

pretending to read a newspaper.

TAYLOR:

(Talking to herself)

What should I say if he comes out?

Should I say anything? I could

crack a joke. I have a few jokes.

No, I should just-

Andrew and his date walk out of the restaurant. Taylor

quickly puts the newspaper up in front of her face.

ANDREW:

... and that’s when I told her-

(Glances over at where Taylor

is sitting)

I feel like I know that person.

BEYONCE:

(Walks out of the restaurant

with Andrew, well-dressed and

laughing with Andrew)

I don’t think you do. Is there

anyone at your work who wears a

mustache?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 9.

TAYLOR:

(Whispering to herself)

Oh good, they don’t know its me...

unless I’ve worn a mustache to work

before. No, Taytay, that’s just

silly.

ANDREW:

Huh. Naw, don’t think I know that

guy. Come on, dear. Let’s stroll

along the canal and discuss people

we find silly.

BEYONCE:

(Laughs)

Oh, I have to tell you about this

one girl at the VMA’s, oh she was

just a HOOT!

Their voices fade into the distance, and Taylor can no

longer make out what they’re saying. She breathes a sigh of

relief that they didn’t catch her, but is concerned as to

why the boss was with Beyonce.

8 INT. OFFICE DAY 8

Taylor wanders into the office to find a scene of people

excitedly chattering over Andrew’s party.

OFFICE LADY 1:

Oh my god. Have you heard? The boss

is throwing a CRAZY party this

weekend at his mansion. Really

fancy, celebrities will be invited,

and free booze!

OFFICE LADY 2:

I even heard Hugh Heffner will be

there, right? This is CRAZY.

OFFICE LADY 1:

I know, right? OH MY GOD, I AM SO

EXCITED!

Taylor watches the two ladies wander off, and picks up one

of the invitations they left behind.

TAYLOR:

(To herself)

The boss is having a party? That

sounds interesting... I wonder

where my invitation.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 10.

Moose walks up behind Taylor.

MOOSE:

Hey there, Crystal! You see the

invitations for the boss’ party?

It’s going to be just FABULOOUUUS!

TAYLOR:

Oh yeah! I’m pretty excited to be

going. Yep!

MOOSE:

What are you going to wear? Oh my

GOD, what am I going to wear? I

need to start thinking about these

things!

Moose wanders off.

TAYLOR:

You know what? I’m going to this

party. Andrew surely just must have

forgot to invite me. Oh I have the

perfect dress to wear!

Taylor walks off to her desk.

9 INT. CLOTHING STORE - EARLY AFTERNOON 9

Taylor is arguing with the sale’s clerk in the

large, brightly-lit dressing-room area, as the

frustrated sales clerk holds multiple dresses of different

styles and colors for Taylor to try on.

SALES CLERK

Mam’ I brought you a variety of

dresses. Do you know exactly what

kind of party this is? Is there a

theme we have to go with? What

exactly are you going for?

TAYLOR

(rolls eyes)

Here’s the thing: the love of my

life is throwing a party tonight,

the theme is... HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

I need vibrant, happy, love

colors..

SALES CLERK

Well...

(looks through rack of dresses

she brought)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 11.

...here’s this lovely lilac

night-gown, as you can see, it has

a low-cut...

TAYLOR

(cuts in)

PURPLE! You expect me to try on a

PURPLE dress to wear on the most

important night of my life!

Throws the dress back at the clerk.

SALES CLERK

(sighs)

Mam’ you said you wanted vibrant

colors. I’ve brought you different

styles and colors of dresses...

(composes self)

BUT.. I could give you our website,

which offers a variety of colors in

different styles of dresses, you

could even as-...

TAYLOR

WAIT! Give me that one!

Taylor shuffles through the many dresses the sales clerk

brought her, picking out a pink night-gown and dropping most

of the rest to the ground as the sales clerk watches

annoyed.

TAYLOR

(smiles)

This is the one!

(shrieks)

Pink!...it screams "I love you and

I want to spend the rest of my life

with you"

SALES CLERK

(relieved)

well Mam’ I’m gla-

TAYLOR

Ring me up!

(hums to the register)

"...you belong with meeee, baby

cant you seeee..."

12.

10 EXT. DRIVEWAY OF ANDREW’S BIG HOUSE - NIGHT 10

Everyone stares at Taylor who arrives to the party in a limo

and is dressed up in her glittery, pink formal dress and

outdoes everyone else dressed in black and white formal

wear.

TAYLOR

(waving and walking toward the

door)

Hi..Hello...

SPECTATORS

...who is she suppose to be?

...isn’t this suppose to be a black

and white formal?

Limos continue to pull up, as Taylor makes her way inside

11 INT. ANDREW’S MANSION - NIGHT 11

As Taylor walks in, she notices the DJ playing soft music on

a stage across the room filled with people chatting, some

looking and whispering about her, and waiters passing out

drinks.

TAYLOR

Hey, excuse me...

(pointing at a waiter)

..come here...is that a stage? For

anyone to sing on?

WAITER

Ummm...well mam’, there will be

entertainment later on tonight.

(extending out his tray of

drinks)

would you like a drink of

champagne?

TAYLOR

Yes! I definitely need to drink

something... something to clear my

throat...

(takes a glass of champagne)

...actually...

(gulps the glass down)

...bring me a bottle!

After a few hours, Taylor walks around the party with one

strap of her dress down, visibly looking for Andrew.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 13.

TAYLOR

..excuse me...where’s ...Andrew?

(to a waiter)

WAITER

Are you ok mam’? Mr. Andrew is

around here somewhere, he’s

mingling with the guests.

TAYLOR

soooo...he’s still here? and he

will most likely hear me from....

the microphone?

(pointing)

WAITER

The microphone? Mam’ ...the

microphone is reserved for-

TAYLOR

shhhh....I know... I was just

wondering... go away now.

Waiter walks away as Taylor stumbles over to the microphone,

visibly tipsy and interrupts everyone with an announcement.

TAYLOR

Hi everyone! Listen up, listen up,

listen up... I have a veeerrryyy

special surprise for

(sighs)

Andrew... a song I wrote for him...

and I want all of you to witness

it...

Taylor starts to sing. People in the crowd quiet down. Kanye

West stumbles in through a side door talking out loud. His

sunglasses nearly come off his face but he catches them and

puts them back on crooked.

KANYE

Who the Helllllllll changed the...

(Looks up, then laughs)

You have got to be shittin me! Can

you believe this trick?!

From Taylor’s point of view, you can see Kanye moving

through the crowed towards the front. People are spilling

their drinks as Kanye bumps shoulders with them. Kanye tip

toes up onto the table that Taylor is on, taking the mic.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 14.

TAYLOR

Uhh, hey you pri...

(Kanye interrupts)

KANYE

Alright alright alright alright.

Now girl, you’re song is alright,

aw what am I kidding. That was

probably one of the worst songs of

alllllllll time! Now get off the

stage before you embarrass yourself

even more.

(laughs and raises his drink)

Now who here wants to here

something real classy!?

Kanye snaps his fingers to signal the DJ to start a beat.

Kanye begins to rap and at the same time is waving bye to

Taylor as well as rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. Taylor

runs off to the bathroom crying. Walks in and puts her

guitar on the ground. Begins to talk to herself in the

mirror.

TAYLOR

Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid

stupid!

(sniffles)

No, you’re better than that, just

because he is a big meanie doesn’t

mean you have to stoop down to his

level. Just go back out there and

tell Andrew how you feel, and he

will fix everything.

Suddenly Andrew and Beyonce bust through the bathroom door

making out with each other. They get up against the wall

oblivious to their surroundings.

TAYLOR

Andrew?!

ANDREW

Did someone say something?

BEYONCE

No they didn’t baby.

Andrew and Beyonce continue to make out. Taylor growls her

voice and then starts screaming. She quickly picks up her

guitar, kicks off her heels, and bolts it out of the

bathroom. Runs toward Kanye.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 15.

TAYLOR

Kanye, you stupid jack ass I’m

gonna kill you!

KANYE

(quietly to himself)

Holy shit...

Taylor hits Kanye in the head with the guitar, knocking him

out. The music stops and everyone gets quiet. Andrew and

Beyonce come out of the bathroom. Beyonce buttons her pants

back on. Taylor snaps and turns around towards both of them.

TAYLOR

You!

Andrew and Beyonce look at eachother. Taylor runs toward

them. The crowd creates a path for Taylor.

TAYLOR

Listen here skank, you’re video had

to be one of the most retarded,

sluttiest things I’ve ever seen.

All you did was shake your donk,

there was nothing clever to it!

BEYONCE

Ummm excuse me? You wish you had a

donk that could tell stories, you

donkless bitch.

TAYLOR

Who care about your donk?!

ANDREW

(drunkenly)

I care about her donk...

TAYLOR

I can’t believe I wrote a stupid

song for you! Also, by the way, my

name isn’t really Cristal Hamilton.

I’m Taylor Swift and it’s a shame,

cause now I bet you regret not

being with me!

ANDREW

Ummm actually, I’ve known you were

Taylor Swift this whole time. We

all actually did. We all thought it

would be funny if we just played

along. And of course, it ended up

being hilarious.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 16.

Beyonce snickers and begins to laugh. Taylor reaches over

and pulls on her hair.

ANDREW

Oh my goodness! someone call the

police!

Flashes begin to light up the party from everyone taking

pictures. Taylor pulls off Beyonce’s wig.

MOOSE

Oh My sweet cheeks! Forget the

police, someone call a hair

stylist!

TAYLOR

Wow, would have never guessed.

(looks down at wig and laughs)

Cops bust in through crowd and slam Taylor up against wall.

TAYLOR

What are you doing?!

COP

We are arresting you for possibly

killing Kanye’s moment, and for

getting in a fight with this man

here.

BEYONCE

I’m not a man! My wig, I mean hair

just fell off. She ripped it off.

COP

My apologies...

(Looks up and down)

mam.

Taylor pushes a cop off and runs down the hallway. Cops taze

her and she drops to the ground. Screen goes black.

12 INT. JAIL CELL - DAY 12

Up close on Taylor’s face. She is resting her head on her

hands.

TAYLOR

They might be able to contain me,

but that doesn’t mean they can

contain my music.

17.

Picks up her guitar and begins to play her song about

everything that happened. The camera zooms out and you

notice she is sitting in a jail cell.