childsgenius

The Manual Your Child Should Have Come With – How to Develop Your Child’s genius

- - 1

The Manual Your Child Should Have Come With –

How to Develop Your Child’s Genius By

Esther Andrews http://www.all-gifted-children.com

(About the hyper-links in this book: I have checked them at the present time, and they all work. However, please understand that some of the links connect to pages that don’t belong to me. Since I have no control over these web sites, it is possible

that in the future, some of these links will not work.)

This book is copyrighted. If you are holding a version that was copied and not directly downloaded from

http://www.all-gifted-children.com, please let us know at [email protected].

Thanks!

Copyright © 2006 all-gifted-children.com All Rights Reserved


- - 2

Table of Contents

Forward by Peter Shepherd 4 Introduction 9 A Word About Gender Issues 10

Give Me a Baby – Any Baby – and I Will Turn It into a Genius 12

Children are Able to Learn Much More, Much Faster than You Think 13

A Personal Note 17

Love 17 On Whose Side Are You? 18

The Parents Are the Natural Teachers 20

To Push or Not to Push - That is the Question! 21

Follow Your Child’s Lead 26

You Can’t Teach a Baby the Same Way You Teach an Adult 28

Avoid Boring Your Child 29

Children Hate to Be Tested 30

The Myth of the Geek 31

The Myth of Stress and Frustration and Other Myths 32

When to Avoid Doing Any Planned Educational Activities 35

Learning is Fun 35

Self Confidence - The Deciding Factor 38

Make Sure Your Child’s Teacher is Trained in Teaching His Specific Age Group 42


- - 3

Time Management For Busy Moms and Dads 43

Goal Setting and Project Management for children. 47

It is OK to Make Mistakes 49

Different Intelligence Types, Different Leaning Styles 50 Toys As Part of Your Child's development 51

This Right Brain - Left Brain Issue 53

Whole Brain Development - The Shichida Method 58

Visual Discrimination 60

Teach Your Baby to Read 64

Improve Reading Comprehension 68

Help Your Child Read Faster, Comprehend More and Remember Better 69

Improve Your Child's Eyesight - Improve Your Child's Intelligence 73

Auditory Discrimination 77

Languages 79 How to Teach Your Baby Math 80

How to Build an Abacus 86

General Knowledge - Super Important 88

Teach Your Baby to Swim 90

Gymnastics and Gross Motor Coordination 95

Fun Activities While Increasing Intelligence 97

Learning to Apply Information 101

It's Time to Go to School 102

Health, Food and Nutrition 107


- - 4

Music - a Superior Tool for Brain Development 108

The King of Games - The Game of Kings 111

Relaxation and Yoga for all Age Groups, and Parents Too. 115

How Can I Motivate My Child? 118

Training Your Child for Success 123 Help for Slow Learning Children 127

How to Help Your Child Cope with World News 129

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) - a Useful Tool 131

Developing Concentration and Focus 134

Developing Leadership Qualities 137

One Step Farther 139

IQ Testing and Identification of the Gifted Child 147

About Giving Thanks and Appreciation 153

Children and Money 142 IQ Testing and Identification of the Gifted Child 147 Giving Thanks and Appreciation 153 Conclusion 154


- - 5

Foreword

By Peter Shepherd

Are we all born equal? The short answer: yes, but not the same, not by a long chalk.

All persons have the same qualitative make-up; we are born equal in this respect, as recognized in the values of ‘Equality, Fraternity & Brotherhood.’ All human beings have the same reflexes, instincts, drives, needs, capacities, and rights; all have the same powers of perception, discrimination, attentiveness, retentiveness, reasoning, and so forth.

The differences between persons are quantitative rather than qualitative. ‘Equality’ is to do with our qualities that we all share, but not the degree to which they are developed.

Behavioral psychology has installed the idea that we inherit all of our traits, and besides the modifying effects of cultural conditioning that we stay basically the same as our genetic hard-wiring dictates. That’s true if you don’t do anything about making positive change, if you don’t recognize the aspects of yourself that are more than animal. Recently many have recognized this possibility and they are looking for valid information that can help them make positive changes.

We each differ in the degree of our various spiritual, mental, emotional and physical abilities, and in the manner in which the amounts of the various traits combine in our individuality. A wide range of aptitude, personality, learning and intelligence tests will show differences as high as 25:1 from person to person, with a characteristic bell-shaped distribution curve, in much the same way as physical characteristics are varied.

It is these quantities, which are such an important factor in personal competence, creativity and ultimately our success in life, that personal development courses aim to increase. It is through our differences that we are able to express our individuality and achieve unique goals.

However, according to expert reports, the average score on the SAT (the Scholastic Aptitude Test used in the USA for university entrance) has fallen by at least 20% over the last 30 years. Three students out


- - 6

of four at university have failed to reach the level of “formal operations,” which is the ability to formulate hypotheses and systematically test them to arrive at an answer to a problem. To be able and creative with abstract ideas, in other words - skills that are needed to live an interesting and original life. The majority are stuck at a “concrete” level of thinking, in which they can only think usefully about actual physical objects. Outside of a particular context the underlying principles do not transfer. Abstract reasoning is beyond them, or uncomfortable for them, so they are unable to fully participate and profit from education at a higher level. These are the students who cannot apply what they have learned, because the abstract and the concrete are two unconnected things for them: the result is a mind-body split. Why has this occurred? Young people read far fewer serious books today and spend less time in intellectual discussion; in contrast, they spend many more hours in watching TV programs with little or no intellectual content: MTV, soaps and basketball. Many young people have been brought up on the 30 second sound bite and pap, so their attention span is shorter than it was before, their vocabulary is much reduced, and many fail to achieve communication competence. The pleasure principle has taken over from the reality principle; immediate gratification rules supreme. They do not have the disposition to think abstractly nor the training to do so well. They can be ‘cogs in the machine’ but cannot have significant career prospects nor play a part in an innovative company. Even for those of us who had a good education, if we forget all that we learned and never exercise our mental skills with new and challenging tasks, our reasoning ability and effective IQ will deteriorate. We may have an established expertise at work but for most of our time make the minimum mental effort. It is a fallacy that IQ and mental capacity is inbuilt and unchanging. Like physical fitness, if you don’t use it you will lose it! As yet, this downward trend continues and the situation deteriorates with each year that passes. Ultimately, this could even spell the end of our free democracies, which require participants to have an aware and critical mind. Can anything be done about it? Yes, for those that care, it is possible to ‘get an education’ even at an advanced age, and to build up the mental skills one had before or which were never properly developed. Fortunately it is possible to develop our skills, talents, maturity and intelligence to high degrees, using appropriate techniques. For example, a wide range of mind development techniques work very well to develop the faculties of


- - 7

vision, communication, concentration and will, learning and reading skills, logic, memory, intuition and creativity. Such methods work for adults, so at any time a person can revitalize their life and move in a direction that is, at last, truly fulfilling.

Even more importantly, techniques to improve mental and emotional intelligence may be taught - in appropriate formats - to developing infants, such that their convention education is enhanced and their natural development is both accelerated and guided toward the best possible outcome for their future happiness and achievement.

Emotional intelligence is vital to success and happiness in the real world, but is rarely taught at school - it is up to parents to teach these skills both to themselves and to their children. There are many important aspects of behavior - reflecting emotional intelligence - that you can teach your kids, by example, that will be invaluable for their future lives.

I feel that it is a mistake to belittle the differences between individuals due to a fear of being seen as judgmental or non-accepting of a person who has little of certain qualities. It is much better to be realistic (which is truly to be non-judgmental and accepting) and recognize the strength and weakness of our various qualities. Then we can take advantage of the opportunities which are available to develop and improve ourselves, toward the goal of fulfilling the unique potential that each of us possesses.

What advantage is it to send a young person out into the world with a head full of knowledge but without the confidence to use it effectively, or the ability to grapple with life’s problems with that inner stability and optimism which alone can bring success?

The most important thing your child can learn is that you love them unconditionally, without judgment. That is the rock on which their self-assurance will be built. We need to demonstrate that love by listening, genuinely listening, to our children. By never imposing our own evaluations, instead asking appropriate questions to guide the child to see objectively for themselves. And never making the child wrong when they give their opinions or make mistakes, and try to discover their own unique identity.

Secondly, a child (and each of us) needs to learn that we create our emotional responses based on our interpretation of things. No one “makes me angry” - I make myself angry based on the way I choose to look at things. That is usually highly influenced by the way I have


- - 8

been taught to look at things, especially by my parents, so if we hope for our children to be emotionally intelligent, we need to be ourselves, and we need to base that intelligence on a world view that is open minded and flexible, based on facts and observation, not prejudice and our own cultural conditioning.

It takes time and experience for a child to learn to understand and control their emotions, and to take responsibility for their beliefs, their reactions and behaviors. For this they need guidance and a good example. You.

The supportive knowledge and know-how is readily available and this book is a prime example. Esther has worked hard for many years to research the theory and practice of child development and most importantly has put the principles into practice to aid her own children’s development. She has had great results! She has been sharing some of the methods she learned and found to be most effective on her web site and in the present volume she has put together a wide and coordinated collection, to help you bring up a happy and successful family.

Peter Shepherd is author of Transforming The Mind. Trained as a rational-emotive and transpersonal psychotherapist, Peter combines these techniques in his own system of transformational psychology, applied to personal development rather than therapy. His web site, Tools For Transformation, is dedicated to introducing the best available resources to free us of the shackles of the past by re-awakening awareness of our true identity, and so being fully conscious in the present moment.

http://www.trans4mind.com



- - 9

Introduction

It is my birthday. We are sitting at the dinner table, dining, chatting and having a good time. Both my children have presents for me, which they hand to me with a smile. I open the first card, from my son Eric, and read: “I love you very, very much, and I appreciate all the wonderful things you do for me, and how you take care of me and look out for me. Have a wonderful birthday. Love, Eric”. At 19, Eric has just completed his first degree in Mathematics at the top of his class, at a top college in our state. He is now choosing a graduate school for his Ph.D. program. Professors from schools all over the country are calling to try to recruit him into their programs. He is being offered full scholarships, teaching, and research positions. Tammy, my daughter, is a very successful, renowned child psychologist. She works with autistic children, and is able to create change in their lives. She gets them to achieve things for themselves, nobody else can get them to achieve.

The conversation is flowing, and I am basking in the atmosphere of love and warmth around me. I am looking at my children, and stop the conversation to say: “I just want you to know, that I am feeling so happy tonight, looking at you, two successful, gifted young adults, as human beings. I am so satisfied and happy with the way you turned out”. This is a high point in my life! I can’t help reflecting on the past…

I was standing in the hospital, looking at the little crib in front of me, and the tiny little baby inside. The baby was crying with a very faint voice, moving her legs and arms, and looking at me, directly into my eyes. What a tiny baby! I picked her up very carefully, looking at my own baby, trying to bond.

Another young mother, who happened to pass by on her way to her baby, stopped, and said: “You are picking her up without holding her head? You have to hold her head!” Confused, I looked at her, and asked: “I have to hold her head?”

Yes, I was a fresh mother, and had no idea how to take care of my baby. I didn’t even know how to hold her, and needed someone to come and show me how to change her diapers.

In my family, there were no other babies. My twin sister and I were born to my mother when she was 40, and had no little siblings as we


- - 10

grew up. My parents’ friends and relatives did not have babies either, so I had no previous experience with babies at all.

The only thing that I did know was this: “I want to give this child the best chances in life, I want to develop this child into the best that she can be”.

When I returned home from the hospital with my newborn daughter, a few days later, I started reading all the books on parenting I could get my hands on, and started forming my own opinions about parenting and about the development of a young child. I found and interviewed parents of gifted children. I asked myself: what is it that the gifted get from their parents (or their environment), that contributes to their excellent skills.

It took some time, but finally I developed my own way of educating a child, and started applying it to my daughter Tammy. Many friends and family members, some of whom were experienced parents, criticized me and offered advice, and I listened – but I stuck with my own methods. My husband, an angel really, gave me free reign, and let me do whatever I thought was right, but occasionally he looked at me with raised eyebrows and asked if I was sure I didn’t want to be a “normal” mother.

When Eric was born, 5 years later, I felt like a veteran mother, rich with experience and self-confidence. What a wonderful feeling it was! I stuck with my own method, adding to it and adjusting it as I accumulated experience and knowledge.

A few years later, I opened the School for Gifted Education, which I ran for many years, until my son Eric started his college education.

A Word about Gender Issues

2 things I’d like to mention:

1. Throughout this book, I refer to a child as a male. This is not because I forgot about girls – after all, I am one myself! It is not


- - 11

because I think that girls are inferior in any way, it is just an arbitrary decision I have made, for the convenience of the reader and the writer. Instead of saying “he or she” every time, or “him or her”, I prefer to write it in this format. This book refers to girls as well as boys, females as well as males.

2. Here, in the US, I have noticed that more boys than girls tend towards the sciences. This is not true for some other countries, where the number of female students in the sciences is equal to male students, or sometimes even exceeds it. Here, in the US, (and I am sure in many other countries), many people happen to think that boys are better in Math and the Sciences than girls, and some almost naturally assume that this is the case. I happen to think that this is not true. Much has been written recently about the fact that the female brain is different than the male brain, and that they function differently. That maybe true, but that doesn’t mean that girls can’t be good scientists. Maybe girls and boys learn Mathematics differently, but both could be excellent Mathematicians! People seem to think that girls are more creative, boys more analytical. Well – a mathematician, or any other scientist, needs both – creativity as well as analysis. My point is – girls, as well as boys, can be excellent scientists.

Much has been written about the fact that in schools here in the US, the teachers encourage boys to study the sciences, while the girls are encouraged to study humanistic subjects, Psychology or Social sciences, the “girly” sciences. As a parent, it is our job to keep all options open for our children. If you have a girl, the best you can do is try to shield your girl from this damaging approach. Encourage your girl to study math, physics and other sciences, teach her science and tell her she can study any subject, she can take up any profession. All of us together, let’s eliminate this discriminating approach once and for all.

I suggest that you teach your daughter the sciences starting at an early age. Find books about biology, physics, teach your child mathematics, chemistry, astronomy… any science you can. It is your job to make this very interesting and enjoyable. Use visual aids, get videos on the subject, go to science museums, do interesting science projects together. Seek out lectures about science, science summer camps, seminars that are available in your area. Check out kids’ Universities. Do whatever you can to involve your girl with the sciences.


- - 12

When I was a child, I was always extremely interested in Medicine. As a very young child, I sought after books about Medicine; I read everything I could find. When I was still in high school, friends started to come to me to ask me medical questions. At that time, I already had a very deep general knowledge about Medicine and Anatomy. When I was a senior in high school, I had to decide what I wanted to study. One conversation with my mother is stuck in my mind forever. I had just told my mother that I would like to study Medicine, to become a surgeon. My mother told me that a woman cannot be a good surgeon. “Why?” I asked, and my mother proceeded to explain that women, because they had a monthly cycle, cannot concentrate well a few days a month, and cannot perform surgery on those days. I was baffled, because I was one of those blessed women, who never had any problems concentrating or any other problem during my monthly cycle.

I must explain here that my mother was a great, outstanding woman. She was a fashion designer, and a brilliant one. She had been a professional at the period of time when many people thought that “women’s place is in the kitchen”. She was a progressive thinker, and had razor sharp mind. She was respected by everyone who knew her. But in this case, she was expressing the “thought of the time”, the common belief. But what a hug wash! What non-sense that was! Thankfully, nowadays we have women doctors, surgeons, pilots, soldiers, and everything else. Please, make sure you encourage your daughter to be the best that she can be, make sure that she is not affected by this illogical, chauvinist thinking.


Give Me a Baby – Any Baby – and I Will Turn It into a Genius

“I believe that it’s in the genes. Nothing you do can change it – either the baby was born gifted – or it wasn’t”. That’s what people say to me. They claim that my children are gifted, because they have my


- - 13

husband’s genes and mine, and ask me if my IQ is also high. Well, it just so happens that my IQ is high. But I totally disagree with their stance. So please let me explain, and keep your mind open.

All Children are born geniuses. I repeat: all children are born geniuses!

When a child is born – it is born with a great potential. But in order to achieve his potential, he has to be fully developed.

I tend to agree that because of heredity, babies are born with different potentials. But all of us are using just a fraction of our potential, so our potential doesn’t even come into play! What is really important is how much of our potential we are really achieving. Let me give you an example: let’s say that John has a potential of 150, and Michael has a potential of 100. This is, of course, a big difference! However, Michael has a dedicated mother, who provides the best education for him from an early age, and he achieves 50% of his potential; he will practically function at the level of 50. John, who did not get the “special education” that Michael got, uses only 10% of his potential, so he performs at the level of 15. Did you get it? Michael, who has a much lower potential than John, actually appears to be a genius compared to John, because he performs at a much higher level. Here we have two people who perform at the level of 15 and 50. Their potential doesn’t even come into play! So for the time being, forget about the genes and the birth intelligence of your child, and concentrate on helping him achieve his maximum potential. If you succeed in that – your child will be ways ahead of the pack, no matter what his birth intelligence is.

Please, let me share with you what I have found that works to develop a child’s intelligence, his skills and ability to succeed in life. I will provide you with an abundance of ideas, and you can pick and choose. Please don’t feel obligated to use all of the ideas. Don’t feel guilty if you cannot fit all of these activities into your schedule. RELAX! Just do the activities that seem fun, the activities that you and your child enjoy, the ones that fit easily and comfortably into your schedule. But if your child is not thrilled with the idea of doing a certain activity – don’t toss it out! Try the activity again later, and see if he is interested in doing it then. Your child will be interested in different things at different times.


- - 14

Children are Able to Learn Much More, Much Faster than You Think

Popular talk show hosts love bringing children who have special skills and abilities onto their shows, to sing and perform, to showcase their achievements. In the newspaper you can occasionally read about a child that has some unusual abilities. I recently read about a child who at the tender age of 12 is already graduating from a famous college. All these children are all treated like an accident of nature.

I recently read about a very talented, gifted child and his achievements. The mother told the reporter that very early on she discovered that her son was gifted, and “unusual”. She is a piano teacher, and her baby used to be around during her music lessons. One day, when the child was only two, after rehearing, she had left the room, and when she came back, her son was standing at the piano, playing the music she had just rehearsed.

Was her son born a musical genius? Was it a coincidence that this child, the musical genius, was born to a mother who is a music teacher? He inherited the “music gene” from his mom, you will say.

But the mother is not a genius, just a simple music teacher! How come the son is a genius?

A little boy, only 5 years old, is playing chess in the national scholastic competition. He wins the grand prize. His father is telling the reporter that very early on, he discovered that his son was a genius at Chess. The father is a chess player himself, and used to take his baby with him when he went to the chess club. The little boy used to watch the chess players, and listen to their comments.

Was this child, by a strange coincidence, born as a chess genius, to a chess player?


- - 15

Again – the father is just an ordinary chess player, he is not a genius! (In fact he wasn’t even a chess master).

I think not! I am here to argue that a child’s learning capacity is far beyond what we usually imagine. I am here to say – if you keep your baby in the room when a music lesson is going on, he will develop surprising musical abilities. If you take your baby to watch the chess players, your baby, too, will develop an understanding of chess, and an outstanding ability to play chess. Your baby is learning at an amazing speed, from his environment, from what he hears and sees. Since your baby doesn’t talk yet, you have no idea how much he has learned while observing you.

This is my shocking and wild announcement: Give me a healthy baby – any baby! A baby of whatever background, with whatever genes! I can turn that baby into a gifted and talented young adult, by applying the same techniques and activities I have applied to my own children.

It is common knowledge that children learn very fast. Everybody knows that they learn a language early in life, and they show amazing skill in doing that. However, when we observe young children learn, we are always amazed. Why? Because we naturally assume that children are limited in what they can learn and understand. Two things contribute to this: children, especially when they are very young and can’t speak yet, learn very fast, but they can’t communicate to us yet what they know and what they understand. Also, we naturally assume that children’s ability to learn is similar to our own. If we learned to read at the age of six, we assume that children cannot learn to read before the age of six.

My parents’ generation seemed to believe that children should have plenty of rest, and when you teach children and keep them busy, you excite them, and take away their much needed rest. When my mother visited me when my children were young and saw the variety of learning activities and learning materials they had, she said that I was “over-exciting” my children. The fact is that my children were very happily learning and actively researching the world around them. They got all the rest they need, and loved learning.

I am 11 months old, sitting in my crib. Next to me is my twin sister, looking at me with her huge brown eyes, observing all of my moves. I am starting to climb on the side of the crib, pulling myself along the wooden edge. My mother is working in the adjacent room, in her workshop. We were put in our room to rest and take our afternoon


- - 16

nap. I am not sleepy in the least, and have the need to do something, to learn something new. The few toys that we have in our crib are old and simple. Too simple: they don’t provide the opportunity to learn anything new. I must do something, move around, be busy. As I keep climbing around the crib, I suddenly slip and fall on the tile floor, and hit my forehead. My mother rushes in, picks me up from the floor; her face shows deep concern. I hear her later telling my father how scared she was. I clearly remember the sharp pain in my head.

I have a clear memory of this experience. I remember the pain in my forehead after falling, but even worse was the experience of boredom. The feeling of boredom to a child is very difficult indeed to endure. Putting a child in a crib, with nothing to learn, is as cruel as starving a child; it causes the child deep suffering.

Here is the truth: children can learn much more than what we learned in our childhood. For many years, parents were not aware of children’s capacity to learn, so they did not provide their children with the opportunity and the materials to learn all that they could. Moreover, parents weren’t aware that if you teach your child early enough, and provide for them the opportunity to learn, their brain will develop faster and better.

When my daughter Tammy was just a little baby, I started discovering babies’ capacity to learn, but I found it hard to believe. I tried to teach her to read, but had no idea if what I was doing was working or not. I was ready to give up, when a friend, Sarah, visited me. We sat in Tammy’s room, and she noticed the flash cards and started laughing at me, saying that I must be crazy to attempt to teach my 12-month-old baby to read. It can’t be done, she said. I guess Tammy didn’t like the fact that Sarah made fun of me, because she took the flash card that read “mommy”, brought it to Sarah, and said: ”Mommy!” She then put that card back in the pile, and brought the card that had her name on it, and said “Tammy”. Sarah looked at me, shocked, and said that if she had not seen it with her own eyes, she would have never believed it. Honestly, I was surprised too!

Do you know that you can easily train a child to distinguish between a card with 89 dots on it, and one that has 90 dots, just by looking at it? I know that it is hard to believe, because you can’t do it, and I can’t do it. But a baby can.

The capacity of a child to learn, and the speed with which they learn is nothing short of amazing. But if you never try to teach them, you will never find out.


- - 17

A Personal Note

I am not a child psychologist. I am a mother, just like you. The reason I am writing this book, is to share my knowledge and experience with other parents, who could benefit from it. Nothing that I tell you in this book is a theoretical recommendation, a result of scientific research in the laboratory. It is not how I think it should be, or what I think you should do. All this is a result of real experience as a mother, tried and tested in my home, in the real world, with my children, and many other children I have observed over the years. My children and their friends are now young adults, and it is easy to see the results of our work as parents.

I had a goal – just like you – to give my children the best chances in life. I took responsibility for their education. I sent my children to school for several years, and home-schooled them for several years too, but I saw it as my responsibility to stay in touch with the teachers, to update myself on what was going on in school. I saw it as my responsibility to find out about all the opportunities available in our community for extra-curricular activities, for enrichment, for learning. If you inform yourself of what’s available, and let others know about what you find, other parents will let you know about their findings. Together, you will be able to provide the best programs for your children.

I have benefited from networking with other parents. That’s how I found out about Lyceum, a wonderful program in my local area. It started with a group of parents, who wanted to enrich their children’s education.. If you don’t find plenty of enrichment programs in your area, get together with a group of parents who share your views, and organize a seminar series. You will be delighted with the results.

With the help of the Internet, it is much easier than ever before to search and find out about suitable enrichment programs for your children, in your area. If you are looking for a specific activity or a specific product, you can always start your search on our web site, which is dedicated to providing you, the parent, information about resources and activities. Additional services will be developed over time. I am planning on starting a directory of activities by geographical


- - 18

area, which you will be able to check periodically, and also add a chat facility so that parents can communicate with others about their experiences with their children, and also ask questions. Please make it a habit to check our web site, at http://www.all-gifted-children.com often.

Love

If you ask me the very significant question: “What is the most important thing a parent can do for their child? I will say without hesitation: “Unconditional love”. Before we speak about intelligence, before we speak about skill development, before we speak of potential, before we speak about productivity – we have to think about the child’s emotional health and happiness. Don’t we all want our children to be happy and healthy? The foundation of parenting, is giving your child the warmth and love he needs.

Families are different, cultures are different, and personalities are different. Some people find it easy to express love, some find it harder. We all express our love in different ways, and that is alright. But we all have to make sure our child knows that we love him. Here is the promise I gave my children: “I am your mother, and I love you. No matter what you do – I will still love you. I may be upset at you because of an action you took that I don’t like – but I will always love you.”

I recently had a conversation with my daughter Tammy’s boy friend, Logan. Logan was worried that I didn’t like him, because a day before he did something I was upset about. I told him the same words: “Logan, I treat you just like I treat my own children: I might be

upset about something you have done, which I disagree with. But no matter what you do – I love you, and I will always love you.” Logan started smiling again, and gave me a hug.

On Whose Side Are You?


- - 19

As a child, I had a recurrent dream. A person wanted to harm me. The persons changed, according to the story of the dream. Once it was a pirate, at other times it was a thief. But the story was always the same – a person who wanted to harm me approached my parents and asked to talk to me in the other room. I desperately ask my parents to protect me, but my parents let him take me into the other room and kill me.

At times I have thought about this dream, and wondered – where did it come from? I have not been in danger as a child. My parents were the most generous, loving, supportive parents one could have. Why did I have this recurrent strange dream?

Then it dawned on me: my parents always believed other adults instead of me, and often seemed to be “on their side” in the conversation. On these occasions I felt abandoned and betrayed.

Let me tell you a somewhat entertaining story about an incident that will demonstrate this point. My twin sister Dora and I were playing on our apartment’s balcony, and munching on corn on the cub. As we are looking down to see what is happening in the street underneath the balcony. Accidentally, my corn fell out of my hands, and to my horror landed on top of one of the cars parking on the side of the street. The driver, who happened to show up exactly at that moment, and as you can imagine – showed up at the door. My mother opened the door, and the man told her what had happened. Only in his version, I had thrown the corn on purpose at his car, and nearly missed him. Being twin sisters, Dora and I looked very identical, and he was pointing at my sister as he was telling the story. My mother, without saying a word, walked to Dora, and slapped her on the face. Understandably, Dora has been very upset, being the innocent bystander that she was, she started stating that it wasn’t her, when I whispered to her: “You have already gotten the slap, what will it help you if I get a slap too?” Dora accepted the slap quietly, without protesting.

Even though the story is humorous, you probably are left with an uncomfortable feeling of the injustice that was done. My mother has believed the man blindly, no questions asked.

In general, children want to make their parents happy, and prefer to tell us about positive things, so that we can be proud of them. They naturally hesitate to talk to us about negative things, like conflicts. But


- - 20

when your child knows that you will be on his side, no matter what, he will be much more inclined to speak to you about problems that come up, or conflicts that he faces. This will lay a foundation for a very secure, unshakable relationship between you and your child, a relationship that will prove most valuable for years to come.

The Parents Are the Natural Teachers Have you observed nature? In nature, the parents, very often the mother, teach their offspring all they need to know about the world around them. They teach them the skills they need in order to survive. The mother bird teaches her babies how to fly. The mother lion shows her babies how to hunt. The mother duck is teaching her ducklings how to swim and find food. There is no doubt – in nature, the parents are their children’s first teachers.

In our society, we send our children to school, and expect the teachers to take responsibility for our children’s education. However, as parents, our children’s education is our responsibility. Our children learn from us, before they ever get sent to school. They start learning at the moment of birth, and there is evidence that they learn even in the womb.

In new research it has been shown that the parents have much bigger effect on their children than teachers will ever have. Our children learn their first words from us, learn from us their first language (several languages, if we teach them), they observe us and learn how to deal with anger. They learn their core values from us. Our children learn from us – whether we are aware of it or not, whether we take responsibility of their education or not. If we leave the responsibility for their education in the hands of their school teachers and don’t take an active role in it, what we teach our children is that education is not important.

If we don’t purposefully, in an organized manner, tend to our children’s education at an early age, we miss a great opportunity. At this age, the child is “like a sponge” (you have heard that before, haven’t you). Even though we might not see the results immediately, if our child doesn’t speak yet, he absorbs and learns everything we teach him at a lightening speed. We can take advantage of this special


- - 21

time in his life to develop and sharpen his talents and skills, increasing his intelligence.

When we take responsibility for our children’s education, when we put the effort into it, plan it and actively participate in it, the results are fantastic. There is nothing better in life than the feeling of pride in our own children. There is no better feeling than watching our children grow up to be talented, gifted, successful, genius young adults.

To Push or Not to Push - That is the Question!

It is Saturday night. Eric is checking his e-mail on my computer, while I am watching television. Suddenly I hear a loud noise coming from my office, and so I am running to see what the commotion is all about. In my office, at the computer, my son is jumping up and down, laughing and cheering. He points at the computer screen, as he dances around the room. I look at the computer screen, and there is the report of the grades Eric has gotten on his last semester classes. He had several A’s and one A+. It is the A+ that he is so happy about. It was an advanced course that happened to be quite difficult. In the semi final test, the cut-off percent for A was 65%. Eric has gotten 96% on the test. The final test was as hard, but from Eric’s final grade it is clear that he has succeeded. This is his first semester in his PhD program. He completed his first degree last year, and has never gotten a grade under A.

It is not easy to bring up a child. Children don’t come with a manual or a tutorial. We all want our children to be healthy, happy and successful. We all want to do the right thing, to provide the best for our children, and we all make the best decisions we can. Obviously, we make our decisions based on our own personality.


- - 22

Are you ambitious? If you are, you will have a tendency to have high expectations from your child, and try to encourage him towards success and achievement. If you are not, you will prefer to assume a more “relaxed” position.

Today, my son came home from college for a visit. I admired his fresh hair cut. He told me the following anecdote. He said that while cutting his hair, he had a chat with the hairdresser. The hairdresser found out that he is a student, and she expressed her admiration. Then she gave him advice. She said: “I will give you the same advice I give my children – don’t try to get the best grades, just try to pass”. My son was smiling, and said, “Mom, I am sure you are not going to like her advice”.

No, I don’t like it. When she tells her child (or mine) not to try to get the best grade, instead just to try to pass – what kind of a student do you think her child will be? Do you think that he will get many “A’s”? That he will excel? Maybe she doesn’t want her child to be stressed. Maybe she doesn’t want to push. But in my opinion, she is setting her child up for mediocrity, at best. Throughout his life, her child will strive to “pass”, to put the minimum effort in order to achieve the minimum necessary to “pass”. I fail to see this as a good strategy. When you expect your child to excel, you also let him know that you think that he is capable of excelling. Isn’t that the best encouragement you can provide?

Glenn Doman, a well-known author, came out with a revolutionary idea: how to teach babies reading, Math, and general knowledge. He worked with brain-injured children, and found out that when he applied his methods they improved tremendously, and some times they developed better skills than well children. Then he asked himself the question: if these methods help brain-injured children, why wouldn’t they help healthy children just the same, or even better?

As a result of his studies and the very popular books that he has written, many parents have started working with their children, teaching their babies reading, Math, general knowledge and more. Parents started putting together schedules that were too busy, too tiring, schedules that did not leave time for anything else. Many child psychologists have written and spoken against these methods, and expressed the opinion that children need to rest, they need time to think, to create ... to have fun. Psychologists, teachers and parents


- - 23

have made up their minds that parents who teach their children are “pushy”.

I too, have been called “pushy”, by my son’s schoolteachers. When Eric started going to Kindergarten, he expected to learn lots of new things. You know how little kids at this age are - they are excited about learning! My Eric was so excited about going to school. Imagine how disappointed he was when he found out that he was not learning anything new. Eric was reading books at home, while in kindergarten they were just reciting the sounds of the letters. He could add, subtract, multiply and divide, but in kindergarten they were only counting up to 5!

One day I had to pick him up early for a dental appointment, so I walked into the classroom, and saw Eric sitting there, while the other kids were reciting the sound of the letter P, and he made a gesture at me, saying, “I don’t know why I am doing this”.

The next day, I had a talk with the teacher, and explained how excited Eric was about going to school and learning, and how disappointed he is now that he is not learning anything new. I said that I was concerned about “destroying” this enthusiasm about learning and school, and asked if there was anything she could do, to provide some good learning experience for Eric.

This was an expensive private school, and there were only 12 children in the class. Even though I thought that it was a very reasonable thing to ask, and I can assure you that I was very respectful, polite, and sincerely expressed my concern without any criticism, the teacher said that there was nothing she could do. She had 12 kids in the classroom, my son was not the only one, so she had no time to customize any program for him. Aside from that, he did not know all the songs that she was teaching the kids, so he didn’t know everything she taught. In addition she expressed her concern that I might be an abusive mother, one who pushes her son too hard.

When my daughter Tammy was in 6th grade, I became concerned towards the end of the year, when it seemed to me that in her Math class, They are not going to complete covering all the material they needed for Junior High.. I was concerned that when she went on to Junior High, she would not know the material she was supposed to have studied in Math, and would have difficulty keeping up with her


- - 24

peers, who came from different schools. So I went to talk to her Math teacher.

When I had brought up my concerns, the Math teacher said: “It doesn’t really matter what material we cover in this class, the kids in my class are not good in Math anyhow.” This answer completely shocked me, and as I was searching for words, she added: “I don’t want to push the kids too hard”.

In my kids’ schools, I have met with an attitude of “Let’s not stress the child”. An attitude that made clear to the children, that we don’t expect much from them. I think that when your child knows that you expect wonderful things from him, it provides motivation and encouragement. It tells your child that you believe in him, that you are sure that he can do it. As a result, your child will believe in himself and his abilities.

I remember being called aside by my teacher in school. He said, “Esther, I noticed that the effort you are putting into studying in the last few weeks subsided. Is there a problem? If not, I would like to encourage you to increase your efforts. You are a very talented student, I would like to see you achieve your high potential”. Isn’t this a much more productive approach from a teacher?

I am a great believer in what these two teachers called “pushing” - encouraging a child to succeed, encouraging a child to do his best. I believe in working with your child, telling your child that everything that is worth doing - is worth doing well. Tell your child that he can excel, that the sky is the limit. Encourage him to dream big, to persist, to take on challenges.

What does “pushing” mean? When does a parent “push too hard”? Where is the limit?

When I hear the word “pushing”, in my mind I see a very distinct picture. I see the image of a respected neighbor, his body bent over his little girl, yelling into her little red face, a face that has an expression of horror. It was at a swim competition of our neighborhood cabana club swim team. The little girl was an excellent swimmer, one of the best we had, but in the last competition she did not get first place for some reason. Her father took her aside and was reprimanding her severely, for not being super-focused on the goal:


- - 25

getting to the other side of the swimming pool first. The expression on his little girl’s face said it all: horror and pain.

When a parent is pushing, he is making an unreasonable demand. He is putting unfair pressure on a child, causing frustration and fear. Almost every child wants to please his parents. If an impossible goal is forced on a child, the pressure on this child is unfair and unreasonable.

When a parent is severely reprimanding a child for not achieving a goal, he is causing feelings of failure in a child, maybe also feelings of despair. The child may feel that he has put his full effort into the activity, and still has not succeeded; a reprimand on top of that may be devastating, discouraging and altogether negative. It may result in damage to the self-confidence and self esteem of a child.

When a parent encourages the child to succeed, provides incentives, and celebrates any small achievement with the child, when he provides the information and knowledge necessary for a child to learn, when he provides training - is he “pushing” the child? If the parent helps a child achieve success in areas the child is interested in, is he “pushing”? My answer is a resounding NO. When I taught my child Math when he was younger than most children are when they learn that information, have I been “pushing” him? Have I been abusing him? When I taught my son to read when he was 2 years old, was I “pushing” him? No way! My son enjoyed every minute of it! He derived pleasure from reading his book, from being praised by us, from having succeeded.

It is clear that there is a distinction here. There is a difference between teaching, encouraging, helping, providing information - and “pushing” - demanding unfair and unreasonable results, forcing a child to perform tasks that he is not interested in, doesn’t want to do or isn’t capable of doing.

In conclusion - “pushing” a child is bad, but encouraging, motivating and providing information is great for your child. Using the “Follow Your Child’s Lead” technique will make it easy to keep everything fun and balanced. Make sure you don’t overcrowd your child’s schedule or yours, and enjoy!

In this context, I remember a cute story my very good friend Sam told me. Sam is a mother of three extremely gifted children. Each one of


- - 26

them tests at the genius level, each of them graduated valedictorian of their class in high school, and each of them is a graduate student, at different phases of their educational path. Sam spent a lot of time with her children, when they were young, managing their activities.

Sam’s daughter, Andrea, was in second grade. She participated on a swim team, and was a very good swimmer. One competition, she was behaving in a very strange way. Her parents noticed that she kept an eye on the other children who were swimming in the same heat. Most of the time, she was ahead of the pack, but towards the end she stopped, and let 2 of her competitors pass her. As she arrived number 3, she came out of the water, smiling. Her parents asked her to explain her strange behavior: “Why did you let those 2 kids pass you, Andrea?” – “I already have a blue ribbon for first place, and a yellow ribbon for second place, but I don’t have yet a purple ribbon for third place, and I’d like to have a purple one”.

Follow Your Child’s Lead My little neighbor Owen is a very bright boy. He is so much fun, always fascinated by one subject or another. Right now he is very interested in firefighters, and every time he hears or sees a fire truck, his asks his mother to stop and give him the opportunity to look at it and research it. Christina is a very intelligent young lady, and she enjoys Owen’s interests very much. She has a collection of books about the firefighters and their equipment. She sits with Owen for hours every day, reading the books and looking at the pictures. She enjoys role-playing with Owen, where he is the firefighter and she is an innocent bystander. Since Owen is very interested in firefighters at the moment, everything Christina does with him is somehow connected to firefighters. She is teaching him to recognize words – all related to firefighters. They look at pictures and discuss the smallest details (to improve visual discrimination). They talk about historic events related to firefighters. They even learn about different countries, their cultures, and – their firefighters.

One of the techniques that worked best for me was exposing my child to many subjects, and then following his lead. I provided lots of basic information and activities in many subjects, and then watched my child


- - 27

to see which ones he showed interest in. For example, in elementary school, I had enrolled my son in a Numismatics (coin-collecting) seminar. Immediately when we got home after the seminar, he started looking for information on different coins, and started reading about methods of determining the condition of a coin. He looked for books at the library, he checked the Internet, he found seminars on the subject and took the initiative to sign up ... he was definitely interested. He also took a horseback riding session: he had fun, but didn’t show any special interest in continuing this activity.

Obviously, when a child is interested, you don’t have to work hard to motivate him. “Go with the flow”, and let your child learn what he is interested in. Every skill that is acquired aids in your child’s development. When my son studied Numismatics, he also learned about the historical background of the coins, Geography, and many other subjects.

Expose your child to many activities, and many topics. Watch your child, to see what he is most interested in. If your child shows interest in a certain topic or activity, follow his lead. Provide everything needed in order for your child to study that particular topic. This is definitely the path of least resistance! Your child will enjoy himself, and you will enjoy yourself too.

Children are interested in different topics at different time periods. For example, children at a certain phase in their development start “dancing” when they hear music. That is the period of time when they are developing their sense of rhythm. At that period of time, children are interested in listening to music, watching a band play, looking at the musical instruments. This is an excellent time to take your child to open concerts, or to music lessons. Take him to dance lessons, or kiddy gymnastics. Any activity that is related to music and rhythm will be very enjoyable and beneficial at this period of time.

If your child is interested in a certain topic, you can combine with it learning about associated topics. If we look at our previous example, when your child is interested in musical instruments, you can teach him to read the names of those instruments. This way, you are teaching your child to read, taking advantage of his interest in musical instruments. You can talk about the geographical area these instruments came from, teaching Geography and history. You can show the globe or an atlas. You can combine many disciplines with the topic that is your child’s obvious interest at the time.


- - 28

You Can’t Teach a Baby the Same Way You Teach an Adult

My little Tammy is running all over the room, a crayon in her hand, papers lying all over the floor, busy producing a masterpiece. She is not looking at me; on the contrary, she seems to be all focused on the job at hand, painting on the papers. I am reading a book to her, wondering if she is even hearing me, let alone understanding what I am reading to her. So I stop, look at her picture, and prepare to get up. In my mind, I am planning what I am going to cook for dinner. To my amazement, Tammy stops what she is doing, turns around looking at me, and repeats the whole last page that I read to her. She says: “what happened next?” Surprise! She was listening to me the whole time.

A friend, Josh, was telling me about his little girl, 24 months old. She was so smart and cute. He was telling me about the funny and cute things she said the day before. I asked him if she could read already, and he looked at me annoyed and said, “She is only two years old”.

“Yes,” I said, “why don’t you teach her how to read?”

“Esther, your son may have been a genius, but my daughter is not interested in learning how to read yet”.

“How do you know?”

“Well, I already tried to teach her how to read, but she didn’t sit quietly and listen, she got up and wandered around the room, playing with her toys”.

“Josh, how did you try to teach her to read?” “I sat her down with a book, and tried to teach her the how to read. But she didn’t show any interest, she got up after just a few minutes, and started wandering around and playing with her toys”.


- - 29

This method will meet with failure every time, I can assure you. You can, sometimes, expect a 7-year-old child to sit down for a little while and listen to you, but a normal toddler will not sit down and listen to your lecture, I can almost guarantee it.

In order to teach a baby, you have to use methods that work with babies. Using the standard methods that are used in school for older children will not work for your baby.

Avoid Boring Your Child Eric loves Math. He is 4 years old. Today we talked about addition, and it seemed to me that he had the concept well mastered. We worked with blocks, and I made 3 groups of 2 blocks, and I said “if you want to add them, what do you get?” Immediately he answered – 6. So I said: “Eric, look, there are 3 groups of 2 blocks, we can say – 3 times 2 is 6.” It occurred to me that he could learn multiplication at this time. Eric looked at me, smiled, and said: “Ah, so then if you have 6 blocks, you can arrange them in 3 groups of 2 or 2 groups of 3”. I couldn’t believe it! I said: “Yes, and that is called division. 6 divided by 2 is equal to 3. And 6 divided by 3 is equal…” - “2!”, he said.

Keep in mind that your child learns much faster than you think. Your child is very young, and his attention span is still short. When you teach a young child, you have to move fast. If you are too slow, he will lose interest. Work with small bits of information, just a few minutes at a time.

Always stop before your child actually wants to stop. Always leave him wanting more. This way, you keep your child interested. Think of a soap opera. When does every episode end? When it is most interesting, so that the viewers tune in the next week to watch, right? In just the same way, you want to stop teaching your child when he is still interested. Many people tend to work (or should I say play?) with their child as long as he is interested, and stop with the first signs of boredom or tiredness. This is a mistake, because then you always stop when the child is tired or bored. Stop before the child is tired, and it will be much easier to get your child interested the next time.


- - 30

Children Hate to Be Tested Eric is reading many words already. I have been using flash cards and when we drive around, we play a game of reading the brand names on the cars in front of us. He already recognizes Ford, Toyota, Mazda, Honda, Mitsubishi and the like. Every time we stop at a traffic light, he announces the name of the car stopped in front of us. He never errs.

Today, I have visitors from out of town. Riding with me in the car is a family member, enjoying my kids. I like to brag about my little Eric, just 18 months old and already reading words! We stop at a traffic light, and I ask Eric – what car is this? In front of us is a car with a big Ford sign on the back. Eric hardly even looks at the car: with his eyes on my guest, he proudly announces “TOYOTA!”

Most children hate to be tested (not to mention when we show them off!) If you test your child often, if you expect him to answer questions repeatedly, you will lose your child’s willingness to learn.

It is difficult to refrain from testing, I know, because you want to know that what you are doing “works”. You want to get some feedback. Don’t worry, you will! Have some patience, and your hard work will pay off. When you least expect it, and when he is ready, your child will start reading aloud, or follow your reading with his finger, or read to himself when you happen to peek through the door. But your child most likely will not enjoy being tested repeatedly.

Work with your child, without testing. Believe that what you are doing works, have faith. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. Avoid testing your child, and wait until he is ready to demonstrate his skills.

Occasionally, you can give your child the opportunity to participate, in a way that he will demonstrate the skills that he has developed. This is more difficult to do when your child is not yet speaking. You can lay down 2 flash card in front of him, and say one of the words on the flash cards (or numbers, or whatever’s on the flash card). If the cards are in arms reach of your baby, he might grab the appropriate card to show you. If this happens – celebrate! You got great feedback. However, if your child grabs the wrong card, or no card at all, that is


- - 31

OK! That does not mean that your child doesn’t recognize the card, it just means that he didn’t feel like playing. Please, don’t give up! When the time is right, you will see the benefit of your work with your child, and it may take some time. Be patient, the results will show!

The Myth of the Geek My dear friend Chris is a big fan of my son. He always tells friends how much he likes Eric. He tells everybody: “Eric is such a nice kid. He is so smart, a real genius. But the most amazing thing is – he has a great sense of humor, and he is real cool, not a geek, like you would expect a genius to be”. Many people, when talking about the gifted have a very unpleasant picture in their mind. They think of a child who is maladjusted, one who is thin, wearing thick glasses, one who has no social life, no friends, one who sits in his room and arranges the dead butterflies in his collection.

I think that the media has created this image, and it is widespread today, in kids’ and adults’ minds.

Please allow me to destroy this myth. Highly gifted children are usually nice, many of them handsome, well adjusted and happy children, “cool” children who have lots of friends, children who excel in sports, children who are “normal”, friendly; in short – nothing like the geek that is depicted in movies and on television.

There is a very simple, logical explanation for it! A child who is highly intelligent, finds it very easy to study, does not have to struggle in school, has a lot of interests, and enjoys learning, will obviously have more fun than a child who has to struggle, a child that has to work hard in order to succeed. A child that has an easy life, of course, will find it easy to smile, to be friendly, to develop a positive outlook and strong self-confidence.


- - 32

The Myth of Stress and Frustration and Other Myths

My neighbor Catie is from Germany. From Catie and from others in Europe I have heard the idea that when you teach a child “too early” you take away his childhood. Catie said that she doesn’t want to teach her young child math, even though he has shown interest and asked questions, because she wanted to “let him be a kid” a little bit longer. What? Who said that when you teach a child math you take away his childhood? A child can’t be a child and know math at the same time? Do you take away his childhood if you teach him how to read? I don’t understand the logic behind this myth, and it leaves me completely perplexed.

People assume that teaching a child early in life has to cause stress and frustration. Nothing is further from the truth! People, and even professional child psychologists, comment on some parents who overload their children and force on them a schedule that does not provide any resting time for a child. That does not have to happen.

I agree that a child needs resting time. I agree that a child needs some time in the day to calm down, relax, imagine and think.

There is no need to overload a child, or to create a schedule that forces you to be on your way non-stop, running from one activity to another, from one teacher to another. You can easily plan some easy, fun and relaxed activities that will provide the opportunity for your child to develop their skills and abilities.

I recommend always being alert and watch your child. If your child is having fun and enjoys himself, everything is alright. If your child doesn’t seem to be having fun, or simply refused to participate in one of the activities, drop this activity for a while. You can try again later, but drop it for the time being.

Don’t misunderstand! I think that it’s great if you can take your child to swimming classes, kiddy gymnastics, violin or piano lessons, language lessons, ballet… and all those wonderful opportunities for children to learn and grow and develop. I think that it’s great to do all the activities that you think your child will be interested in and enjoy. I have taken my children to as many activities as possible! I just don’t


- - 33

think that you have to do everything at once! You can definitely plan a schedule that provides enough resting time for you and your child, and enough time for your child to develop his ability to entertain himself, to think and to engage his imagination and creativity. You can do all this in joy and pleasure. There is no need to stress yourself or your child.

As to stress and frustration, this is all completely erroneous! I find that letting a child be bored creates far more frustration than engaging him with interesting activities, activities that provide the appropriate learning, that engage natural curiosity, interest and ability to learn.

I can tell you about my own experience as a child, of hours and hours of boredom, of suffering in school, due to the slow and repetitive teaching. I was bored out of my mind! Math classes were awful: the teacher was repeating the same concept again and again and again, trying to make it clear to the slowest students in the class, while I was sitting there, feeling that my patience was completely exhausted.

Do you know that many of the kids that are tested for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) are children who find it hard to sit still while they are completely bored? Many of our schools receive funds and resources for the “special education” students, the ones that are slow, but they do not receive nearly enough resources to take care of the gifted students, the children that need some more stimulation and extra activities to challenge them.

When my son Eric was in second grade, we were fortunate enough to have a wonderful special program at his public school, named “Discovery Program”. An award-winning, gifted teacher, Mr. Stadtler, had initiated this program with some other excellent teachers, combining a group of “Special Education” kids with a group of regular kids and a number of gifted students in one classroom, in order to take advantage of the Special Education resources. Mr. Stadtler created a “win-win” situation for all the students in the program.

In this program, the teachers assessed each child at the beginning of the year. They grouped the kids by ability, and then they devised a customized plan for each group. My son formed a group with one other student. Both tested at the 12th grade level in Vocabulary.

The teaching started, but after some time I noticed that Eric had not had a Vocabulary class in about two weeks. So I went to talk to the teacher, and asked about the plans for teaching my child Vocabulary. The teacher told me that they had children who came from poverty-


- - 34

stricken homes, where the kids did not even get a breakfast to eat before they came to school in the morning. He said some of the kids were hungry, some had experienced abuse, and ended with a question: “Who do you think am I worried about more: a child who has no food at home, and can’t study because he is hungry, a child who doesn’t even know how to pronounce the letters in 2nd grade, or your child, who gets everything he needs at home, special enrichment and after-school activities, who tests at the 12th grade level in English Vocabulary?”

I definitely understood the argument; I am concerned about the children who are underprivileged, and am interested in them getting all the attention and resources they need; but what about the other “special education” children, the children who need special enrichment, who need to be challenged with accelerated programs? Are they not entitled to have their needs met?

There is another myth that I would like to mention here. I have heard many parents tell me that they are reluctant to teach their child how to read “too early”, because they don’t want the child to be bored in school, thus having behavioral problems. This is a valid concern, which I have already mentioned before. However, don’t you think that by avoiding teaching your child how to read earlier, you are actually defeating the purpose? In addition, the chances are that if your child is smart enough, he will be bored in school anyhow! So what is the solution?

I think that all of us, parents of talented children, have to be activists and advocates for our children. We need to demand to have special programs for the advanced children in school. I know that schools have small budgets nowadays, but I still think that schools can do much better than they are doing. Our children deserve to have their needs met, just like all children who go to school.


- - 35

When to Avoid Doing Any Planned Educational Activities

We want the child to associate learning with fun and great feelings of achievement, celebration and enjoyment. Only work with your child when your child is happy, in good mood, feeling great physically. If your child is hungry – he won’t be able to concentrate and enjoy the learning experience. If your child is tired or cranky for any other reason, he will not be able to enjoy himself while learning. Even worse, he might associate the bad feeling with the learning!

If you are not feeling well or if you are in a bad mood, you will not be able to enjoy the experience. Children are very smart, as we already established, and they are very sensitive to their parent’s mood, if you don’t enjoy yourself – your child will know it, and will not enjoy the learning either.

Avoid doing any planned educational activities when your child is sick, hungry or not feeling well.. If your child is hungry, it is wise to stop the activity you are engaged in, and feed him, before you proceed with the learning activity. Also, when a child is tired, after a sleepless night, don’t attempt to do any educational activities. Let your child rest, and resume your activities when he is rested.

Learning is Fun Eric is 19 at the time I am writing this chapter. He just completed his first degree is Math, and is starting on his PhD. He still loves studying Math, and occasionally comes to me all excited, telling me about this or that “elegant” proof or solution for a problem. Although my background is also in Math, I don’t always understand what he is


- - 36

talking about, and I have never been as good as he is now. Today we had a conversation, and he told me how a friend of his was studying in a Junior College. So Eric told me that the friend complained that her studies were very hard, and he laughed. He said: “Mom, this is so funny. She doesn’t realize that studying in Junior College is not hard at all. Even studying for your first degree, or in graduate school, is not hard. It is just fun!”

You want your child to be a life-long learner, don’t you? So teach him that learning is fun! If your child views learning and studying as “work” or as an unpleasant activity, one that bores him and that causes him to be tested and compared to others all the time (and nobody likes that!), he will avoid studying, and prefer to do other activities. Make sure you convey to your child the idea that learning is fun and enjoyable. Knowledge and discovery are exciting!

Have you ever watched a child who is excellent at a game? I have noticed that some kids can be brilliant playing a game, but will not excel in the classroom. That’s unbelievable. If a child is brilliant at a game, I guarantee that this child can be brilliant in academics. The only reason he excels at the game, and not in his academics, is because he views the game as “fun”, and studying as “work”.

Eric, in our conversation today, told me how easy studying is. “You play all the time”. And then he stopped, thought a little bit, and said: “Well, some of that play might be math, but it is still just playing and having fun”.

I know that this may sound very strange to you, if you have been used to the idea that studying is hard work. It is not my intention to brag! I just want to demonstrate the fact that what seems to be very hard to one student seems to be “a child’s play” to another, only because the latter views studying as “fun” and “games”.

Here is another story that proves that learning can be fun, it just depends on the attitude of the participants. It is Lee’s birthday. Lee is 10, and all excited, she is waiting for all her little friends to come for the party. She has a famous entertainer: my daughter Tammy, who has developed her own puppet show, and is performing at birthdays all over the area. The “experienced” performer is only 12. The birthday is a big success, 35 kids, 10 years old, showed up, and now it is time for the “show”. They all are gathered in the living room, sitting on the floor, watching the show. It’s a big success, since the kids are asking for more. Tammy had prepared a puppet show, planned to perform for about 20 minutes, and now she ran out of material, as the children


- - 37

are demanding some more entertainment. Tammy has a big problem, but without hesitation, she is calling Lee in front of the crowd. The “birthday girl” steps forward, participating in the performance. Tammy is asking her about the book she recently read. Lee brings the book, and Tammy asks her to tell everyone about the book, and what she read. Lee proceeds to tell about the book, and gives a “book report”. Every teacher would be proud of her. The children are having lots of fun, one by one they are coming to the front of the room, to give their own book report. All around are the parents standing, watching with amazement at their children having big fun, being entertained, by giving book reports! That day, Tammy has entertained the children for 45 minutes! A 12 year old girl, holding the attention of 35 ten year old children! Believe it or not – the children told us later that they had great fun!

Take things lightly, enjoy the learning yourself, your child will follow.

Celebrate achievement! Make sure that you take time to celebrate every little achievement. Celebrate learning. Give your child a hefty amount of praise and show your appreciation and joy every time your child achieves success, or masters a piece of information or a new skill. What looks like a small step, or a small achievement, maybe a big step forward. Any achievement is a cause for celebration, award and enthusiasm.

Don’t ever criticize; do let your child know that he is wonderful, that he is learning, and developing his skills and himself. Learning and getting education is investing in oneself. Make sure your child knows that!

Here are a few ideas how to make learning fun.

• Give your child your full attention. When it is time to do a learning activity, don’t let other things interrupt. Don’t answer the phone, unless you are waiting for a very important phone call. Don’t wash dishes, while your child is learning, or read the newspaper… concentrate on your child – and your child alone.

• Whenever possible, turn it into a game. Eric, my son, loved board games and liked to compete. Tammy, my daughter, did not like board games or competition, she just liked to play with me, she liked it when we worked on the activity together. In each case, I have always devised a game that fit their styles of learning. For Eric, I prepared a game ahead of time. It could be a board game, a card game, or any other creative idea I could think of. I always let


- - 38

him win (fun). Tammy was very creative, so I prepared markers or water colors, to make a masterpiece that depicted the material we wanted to learn. We have written stories together, about the material we learned. Even when we studied Math, we always envisioned a story that described our Math problem. We turned every exercise into a “word problem” and a story.

• Show real enthusiasm, be light hearted, and enjoy! • Don’t see it as your duty to point out mistakes and errors.

Concentrate on the right facts instead, let your child discover his mistake by himself.

Education is an investment in oneself. I must admit that I was spoiled as a child. I was born into a wealthy family, and had never experienced lack. I went to a private high school in an affluent neighborhood, and viewed going to school as a necessary evil. I did quite well in high school, but never really appreciated it. One day, I met Daisy, the daughter of a lady who was employed in my mother’s business. Daisy studied at a night school, during the day she had to work in order to pay for her tuition. I was so surprised to learn how hard Daisy studied, in order to complete her high school education! This girl really understood the concept of “investing in oneself”. She had worked hard to earn the money to pay for her tuition! She really understood the value of her high school education.

This encounter made me think! I realized how I and many of my “spoiled” friends viewed school as “work”, and the opportunity to take a day off as “play”. We viewed school as something that was forced on us. While this friend put in a whole day of work, in order to pay for her high school education, and in the evening she sat in a classroom, and viewed learning as an opportunity. That was a big lesson for me.

Self Confidence - The Deciding Factor

Ruth was one of my best friends in elementary school. She was not the most talented student, nor the most intelligent. She was not the best student in class. But she had great confidence. She had this special attitude of “I can do it”. Later, after graduation, she went on to work for a corporation. I followed her career, when she went up the corporate ladder, and finally landed a very prominent, central position at her company. I saw her take on projects that took major skills, I


- - 39

thought she didn’t have. She just attacked each project using this “can do” attitude, and she always found the right resources to either acquire the skills she needed, or found the right people to take on the assignments she could not perform herself. I was amazed at her achievements.

From observing Ruth and many other people around me in my career, I learned a very important lesson: one’s confidence determines one’s career. A person can be a genius. He can be most qualified for a job. If he doesn’t believe that he can do it, he might not even take on the assignment in the first place. If he does take it on, most likely he will not be as successful as he could be.

Just a few weeks ago, I had a conversation with Tammy, another friend of mine. She is a very talented psychologist, very respected at her work place and by her superiors. She told me about a position that has become available at her office. I thought that it would be a fabulous opportunity for Tammy, but she said that she is not going to apply for this position, because she doesn’t have enough experience, she does not have the skills needed, and it will take at least another 5 years for her to be able to fill this position.

Whether Tammy was right or not in her assessment, I think that this incident proves my point: confidence is a deciding factor for how successful one will be.

So how do we make sure our child develops strong confidence in himself and his capabilities? In my opinion, this is one of the major issues in parenting. All educators need to ponder this and make sure they support confidence.

Here are a few suggestions that can make a huge difference in your child’s confidence:

1. “You can do it”. Say it to your child often. Teach your child to say to himself, when he attempts to conquer a challenging assignment: “I can do it”. It is very noticeable that when working on a Math problem, again, confidence is the deciding factor. A student who doubts his own ability to solve the problem, may not apply himself in trying to solve the problem. He will easily say “I can’t do it” or “it’s impossible to solve this”. A student with strong confidence will keep trying until he finds the solution.

Help your child, by reminding him that he can do it. Teach him to say to himself, “I can do it!”


- - 40

2. Don’t criticize your child when he attempts an activity. Don’t correct him. It is so tempting to correct a child, when you see him doing something “wrong”. You watch your child coloring, or trying to write, at an early age. He is holding the pen in an awkward position, and your mind is screaming “You hold the pen like this, not like that!” Exercise discipline - don’t do it! Should you let your child hold the pen incorrectly? No, of course not! But let him do his research, his experimentation. Let him try different ways to hold the pen, he will find out by himself what is most efficient. If you want, you can take your own pen, and your own paper, and do some writing right next to him. He will watch you, and see how you hold the pen. I am sure that he will try your method, and come to his own conclusion.

My neighbor Chris visited me with his 4 year old son, Nick. In order to keep Nick happy and busy, we gave him some crayons, pencils and paper, so that we could have our own conversation. As Nick was trying to write his name, holding the pencil in a slightly awkward position, writing some letters that had no resemblance to the letters in his name, his father jumped up, yanked the pencil out of his hand, wrote the name down in front of him, and said, “What happened to you! This is wrong, this is how you write your name!” Nick is a very serious child, who attempts everything to the best of his ability. As I looked at him, I noticed the expression on his face. It was very troubled. He laid the pencil down, and refused to try any more. What is the message Chris has given to his son? I think that the thought that went through Nick’s head was, “I am not good at this”. Ok, I give you 3 guesses: how good is Nick’s handwriting now, at age 8? - You guessed it! It is not good.

3 Praise, praise, praise. Take the opportunity to celebrate every achievement, big or small. Praise your child for a good effort to complete an assignment. Praise your child for learning a new skill. Praise your child when he shows interest. Praise your child when he shows drive. Praise your child for anything that you would like to encourage. Praise has to be sincere, of course. Praise has to be accompanied by enthusiasm. It has to feel good.

Before my son, Eric, was 2 years old, we started taking piano lessons together. I have always wanted to learn to play the piano, but my parents did not make it available to me. So now I saw an opportunity. Our scheduled lessons started with Eric, and when Eric was done I got my lesson. The piano teacher used to praise me


- - 41

lavishly. She told me how talented I am. She told me that adults, when learning to play the piano, usually are much slower than me, that I am learning so fast, that I have a natural ability. Well - I loved going to these lessons. I enjoyed the lessons. I was very enthusiastic about learning to play the piano. Obviously, if the praise worked so well for me, an adult, wouldn’t it work wonders for a child?

4. At the end of the day, when you tuck your child to bed, discuss the day’s events with your child. Ask the important question: Tell me about the good things that happened today. Make sure the last thoughts of your child, before he goes to sleep, are the good, positive experiences of the day. Make sure you praise him for something he did today, some achievement. End the day on a positive note. This will also ensure that you haven’t forgotten to praise your child where praise is due.

5. Write down a few positive affirmations for your child. Good examples for affirmations are: “You are so smart, and getting smarter every day”. Or “You are learning more and more every day”. Affirmations have to be written in the present tense, in positive format (“I am strong and healthy” instead of “I am not sick”). Think of your child’s challenges at the time, or if your child had a bad experience, write an affirmation that will negate the bad experience. (Remember - you write it in a positive format). Repeat the affirmations to your child, 3 times each. 2 to 3 affirmations at a time are plenty. If your child cooperates, teach him to say the affirmations to himself. You can do this during the day, and at bed time. Early morning at the time your child wakes up is also a good time for affirmations. It is a good idea to read the affirmations into a recording device, and let your child listen to them at his convenience, or while you are driving, waiting in line, or just resting.

6. Your child learns about the world and about himself from you, and from the community that he is a part of. Teachers, classmates and friends can also easily affect your child’s confidence. It is a good idea to make sure, to the best of your ability that your child is in a positive environment. If your child is very young, make sure all others who take care of him are also aware and considerate of your child’s confidence. When you choose a day care facility for your child, or a baby sitter, make sure you choose a positive environment. If your child is older and goes to school, it is a good idea to meet your child’s teacher


- - 42

early in the school year, and make sure they are positive, gentle and respectful. You can specifically bring up the issue of confidence and ask them to support your child’s confidence. It is always good to choose a teacher for your child who is cooperative, a teacher who will work with you for the benefit of your child.

7. Make sure your child knows he can discuss with you any issue that is on his mind. This way, if something negative happens, you will be able to help your child cope with it in a positive way, instead of creating a painful memory that may affect your child for the rest of his life.

Make Sure Your Child’s Teacher is Trained in Teaching His Specific Age

Group Eric was 18 months when I took him to piano lessons. I always wanted to learn to play the piano, but never had the opportunity to do so. So I selected a “Suzuki” teacher, and agreed with her that we would come for an hour each week. Eric was to get his lesson first, and when his attention span ended, I was to get the rest of the hour.

Eric enjoyed learning to play the piano, and soon we had a group recital. Eric was the youngest in the group. We sat and waited his turn to play. For some reason, the teacher started with the older children, and the younger ones sat and waited (not a smart strategy, when you work with toddlers). Eric, being under the age of 2 at the time, was wandering around, checking out some seats and looking at the other children, while watching the older children play. He did not make any noise, nor did he create a distraction, but the teacher’s assistant approached us and told us that if Eric couldn’t sit down in a chair, he would be asked to leave. When we asked how long we would have to wait, she said that his turn to play his piece would come in an hour.

The next day we received a letter from the teacher, calling our attention to Eric’s “undisciplined” behavior during the piano


- - 43

recital, since he did not sit quietly on his seat for the duration of the recital.

If your child is very young, and you take him to a teacher, make sure the teacher knows how to work with very young children! I am here to tell you, that it is unreasonable to expect a 2-year-old child to sit down for an hour and listen to other children play the piano. It is natural and normal for a child to wander around, as he learns about his environment. A child at this age is curious about many things, and wants to research and learn by touching and observing.

The teacher I am talking about, who had no children of her own, was a beginner “Suzuki” teacher and did not have the experience and training necessary in order to work with such young children. She might have had the musical knowledge, but this is not enough in order to work with young children, keep their interest and make learning a fun and positive experience. Please, don’t let anybody spoil the fun of learning for your child; be on the lookout, and protect your child from any negative experience associated with learning.

Time Management for Busy Moms and Dads

Everyone is super-busy nowadays. It seems that time has sped up! The days when people met their friends and neighbors and stopped to chat for a while are over and gone. Now, people hurry all the time.

This is true for most people. However, the busiest people of all are... moms and dads. Stay-at-home parents keep the house running, take care of the kids, and coordinate all the family activities. Working parents hold a job, in addition to everything else. Work is demanding, and the kids’ schedules are demanding too.

How can we manage our time in an effective way, and keep our sanity? How can we include all these wonderful activities we want to do with our children, to develop their genius?

Time management is closely related to goals. On a certain level, we want to manage our time so that everything that needs to get done,


- - 44

indeed gets done, and that we show up at the right place at the right time. All homework gets done, permission slips get signed and delivered, doctor appointments held, everyday stuff. But this is not enough. Even if all these get done, we might have not managed our time effectively, if we did not take in consideration our goals, and made sure that time is spent on achieving them. In our context, that means that our goals for our children are met. For example, if you want to make sure that in addition to everything else that is going on, you also want to teach your child to read, to understand mathematical concepts, or to play the guitar, you need to manage your time so that these goals are met.

The secret to effective time management - is effective planning. One of the most common methods is starting with the long time span, and then making more specific plans for smaller and smaller time spans. Using this method, you start making a 5 year plan, narrow it down to one year, and from there plan the year’s months, the weeks and the days.

Be reasonable. Don’t include too many activities, don’t crowd the day in a way that the kids don’t have any time to rest, to play and to develop their imagination. Don’t crowd the day so much that you don’t have any time to breathe. Without breath, you know, you will not be able to survive.

Learn to delegate, don’t try to be a superwoman. We, women, have a tendency to take on too many responsibilities, without asking for help. If you can afford it, hire help. I was lucky, I had a cleaning lady. She kept the house clean, and freed my time up for having fun with my children. This way, I could allocate more time to my children. If you, for some reason, can’t hire a cleaning lady, you need to be even more diligent with your time planning.

In a notebook dedicated to your time management, make a few lists. One list will include the specific skills you would like to work on with your kids in the next month or so. The second list will serve as a “wish list”: skills that you would like to work on if you get the time this month. If not - you will work on them next month.

When you are planning your time, fill in first the things that you have to do, like doctor appointments, parent-teacher conferences, working hours and so forth. Then make sure you plan some time for yourself. Financial advisors always say to business owners: “Pay yourself first”. I am saying - first plan the time you need for yourself. Make sure you take time to rest, time to read and time to relax. Fill it in your calendar


- - 45

ahead of time, and stick to it. Next, plan free time for your kids. This is time your kids need for themselves, to dream, to relax and to play.

Now that you have filled in the crucial activities, you can start planning the special time you are going to spend with your children, developing their genius. Use your first list from your notebook, and fill in the available timeslots. Some of the activities take only a few minutes at a time, like teaching your baby to read, and others may take longer, like reading a book to your child, or doing some research at the library or on the computer. Plan one activity at a time, and leave plenty of time in between activities.

During the week, if you happen to find some unexpected time, like a day off school, a day off work, or an unexpected cancellation, you can go to the second list, the wish list, and draw ideas from there.

Researchers have shown that the best time slot to plan for studying is 20 minutes. It has been shown that the parts that students remember most from their lessons are the beginning and the ending. A student that studies a subject for 20 minutes at a time, and takes a break in between, will remember more than a student who attempts to study for a whole hour, taking less breaks. This method will also avoid fatigue, leaving the student much more relaxed.

It is a good idea to do a “planning session” together with your children at the beginning of the week, if your kids are ready. Have your kids participate, and bring up their goals and their wish lists. You can include their items in your wish list. If you make them a part of these planning sessions, they will learn to organize and plan their time too, and they will be aware of any crucial activities that have to happen this week, but also of the fun learning activities that you are planning for them. It is great when they start adding items to their wish list on their own during the week, and bring it up during your planning sessions.

Each child can have their own calendar, and their own activities, but it is your job to coordinate all activities. Enter them in your calendar and make sure there are no conflicts, or if you encounter some conflicts, you can solve them as early as possible. The weekly calendar that you create will become the “general” family calendar, you can hang it in a central place in your home, where all family members can see and refer to. Since you have the time you need for yourself marked clearly, they will learn to respect the time you have marked for yourself. Planning free time for them will teach them to take time for themselves, a good habit for life.


- - 46

What type of calendar should you use? First you have to decide if you want an electronic format or a simple “paper calendar”. An electronic calendar is very handy, fast, it can provide alerts and reminders for planned activities. However, in case of a power outage, or if your computer is down – you can’t use it. In this case, you might want to create a printed backup. There are all kinds of calendars available at the store, but why not turn it into an educational activity too? If your children are ready (and only you know if they are ready or not, not necessarily their chronological age), you can make the calendars by yourself. Your “general family calendar” should be quite big, so that you have room for all family members’ activities. There are computer programs you could use that create a calendar for you, or you can simply create a weekly or monthly page on your own.

The space allotted for each day should be large enough, so that you can allocate some space for each member of the family. If a certain member of the family doesn’t have an activity at that time, leave it empty, so that something can be added later, if necessary.

A good idea is to color code your calendar. You can color code activities, so that you can see it in a glance. For example, the “time for myself” you can always write in blue, or homework time, in yellow. You can color code the people, for example time needed for the baby in pink, time needed for you in red, and so forth. Both methods are helpful.

How often should you hold those planning sessions? That depends on your preference. It also depends on the size of your family. If, for example, you have just one baby, all you need to do is a weekly planning session with yourself, and go over the calendar daily. If you have several kids at different ages, I recommend having a weekly family planning session. At the end of the day, before bed, remind your kids to look at the calendar for the next day. This is a habit they need to develop, and you will have to remind them. If possible, go over the calendar for the next day with each kid, making sure they know the plan for the next day.

All this sounds very regimented, but it simply depends on you, how you want to handle your time management. Remember that a plan is not etched in stone. It is a “work in progress”, a rough draft. The weekly calendar can be adjusted daily. It is a good tool to make sure that the necessary activities are kept, resting time is respected, and special learning activities are included too. It is a good tool to make sure that the time is not “running away” from you.


- - 47

Goal Setting and Project Management for children.

Most of us know that goal setting and time management are very important for success. But only few of us have the habit of actually setting goals the right way: daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and long term. There are numerous tools out there, from calendars and organizers to software packages that are designed to help us set our goals and manage our time accordingly. Many of us own them, but only few of us actually use them frequently. Why? What does it take to build a habit?

It is quite clear that if we can teach our children to set goals and achieve them, while managing their projects and their time, we will help them be successful at any endeavor they decide to take on. It is not enough to teach them how to do it, we also want to create a habit of doing so, to make it second nature.

Start early on, when your child is very young. Even with a baby, or a toddler, you can start every activity with stating your intention, your goal. In the morning, you can state your plan for the day, and your objective for the activities you are taking on. If your child can talk already, let him participate. Let him state what he would like to achieve as a result of engaging with the activity. If you remember to do this throughout the day, you will build a habit in your child.

When you state what the activity is you are going to engage in, and talk about your objective, you can start creating a sense of time in your young child, stating how long you decide to allocate for the specific activity. For example, you can say: “For the next half an hour, we are going to ...” and it is very beneficial to tie it to the time of the day, for example “until noon, when we will have lunch”, or “until it turns dark, and it is time to have dinner”. It is good to have a big clock


- - 48

to look at. Teach your child how to read the clock, let your child watch the time.

For school age children, provide an organizer that includes a calendar. At the beginning of the week, take some time to state your goals for the week, to go over the plan and the activities for the week. Look at the week that’s past, and help your child note the achievements he accomplished the week before. Goals that were not met can be included in the week ahead. Make it a point to celebrate the achievements of last week. Make sure that there is no criticism and no bad feelings about goals that were not achieved. This should be an activity that feels wonderful and provides satisfaction, an activity that your child will enjoy doing throughout his life. If your child is mature enough (and you are the only one who can judge that), you can start doing the same at the beginning of every month. Celebrate the achievements of the month that’s past, plan the month ahead, and plan the weekly activities based on the monthly goals. Start every day looking at the date at the calendar, going over the activities in the calendar, and the objectives for those activities. Another thing that is important to teach your child: the plan is just that, a plan. Be flexible, and make changes when changes are needed.

I know that this sounds like a lot of work, but after it turns into a habit, it takes only a few minutes a day. It is well worth it, to teach your child to live life purposefully, to set and achieve goals.

If your child is older (for example in high school), this is a very important time. At this age, many children (actually, they are young adults now) in their attempt to become independent become distant from their parents. Don’t let this happen. Talk with your child about his goals; make him aware that thinking about his long-term goals, as well as the short-term goals, will help him achieve a satisfying and successful life. Be there to guide him, be involved in his life.

It is a well-established fact that people who write down their goals are more likely to meet them and come up with new ones. It is also the case that people who keep a diary along the way are more likely to meet their goals. Talk with your child about his goals, have him think about what he would like to achieve. Start with his dreams, make sure he know that everything is possible, that he can achieve anything he sets his mind to achieve. Never discourage a dream. Never say, “you can’t do that!” Never say “You are too big, too small, too young, too


- - 49

old, to do...”. Every dream your child has is a legitimate dream. Let them surprise and delight you!

When they write down their goals and their dreams, tell them to be as specific as they can, to come up with details, to describe in detail what they want to achieve or to have. Have them use all their senses, when they describe their dream: how does it smell? What colors do they see? How is it going to feel when they achieve it? Have them write down the reason they want to achieve the specific goal. Suggest that they develop an idea of the time frame. Teach them to separate the goal into phases, smaller goals they have to achieve along the way to the main goal. Let them think about what they need to do to achieve their goal. What kind of skills do they need? Do they have to get training or education of a certain kind in order to complete their goal? Teach them how to make a plan, write down little steps. Those little steps can turn into short-term goals. Teach your child how to make a detailed plan they can follow on their way to their goals.

Many people get discouraged or overwhelmed when they look at a big project they want to engage in. If they create a plan that includes the little steps they have to take on the way to completing the project, they will avoid that problem. If you can, purchase a Project Management software program for your child. Encourage them to use it for a specific goal they have set for themselves. This is a wonderful tool to use, and also very beneficial for them to learn and use later, in college or on a job.

Don’t forget to celebrate every achievement, small or big. Make sure you acknowledge every success on the way. Enjoy the process, your child is learning a valuable lesson, a lesson for life.

It is OK to Make Mistakes Mistakes are an integral part of learning! Make sure your child is not afraid of making mistakes. Many of the most successful people alive today (or at any other time), have gotten there by trial and error,


- - 50

making lots of mistakes, in order to find the one opportunity that made them successful. The fear of making mistakes is paralyzing. It prevents children and adults from trying. Teach your child that mistakes are simply opportunities for learning. They are just feedback we can use to our advantage. We all know that most people are hard on themselves, criticizing themselves harshly when they make a mistake. Teach your child to accept a mistake as a learning opportunity without criticizing himself. Teach your child to pay attention to his “self talk”, and never beat himself up.

Different Types of Intelligence

Several types of intelligence and learning styles have been identified. Among them are visual, audio, tactile, spatial ( learning through movement), learning through action (role playing), logic, and language skills.

It is a good idea to develop and strengthen all types of intelligence. In this way, we will make sure that our child is gifted in a variety of ways. We all need and use all those types of intelligence in everyday life, when we face all challenges of life and succeed in achieving our goals. As we strengthen all types of intelligence in our child, we also make sure that our child acquires a variety of learning tools that he can use throughout his life.

It is a known fact that repetition is a very effective way of learning. However, repetition is also cause for boredom in children. Children don’t like to repeat, maybe due to the fact that they learn so fast. However, when you are working with your child on a concept, (and this is appropriate for all ages), you can plan ahead of time to use activities that take advantage of a variety of learning styles and that develop several types of intelligence.

For visual style of learning, prepare some pictures, a video, if available, reading material. At the same time, make sure you are using auditory learning, reading the material aloud, recording it, and maybe playing the recording several times during driving time or


- - 51

during resting time. To take advantage of the tactile learning style, you can find a model or a sample, that your child can touch and feel. Obviously, in this case the visual learning style also comes into play, which is great! Combining senses and learning styles in our learning is a very effective tool. For spatial learning, you can help your child compose a few rhymes, put them to music, and dance to the music, reciting the rhymes. This is good for things that need memorization. For example, when you child learns the multiplication table, you can use flash cards, and to reinforce them, you can have your child march to the beat of a favorite tune, reciting the material, in a very fun way. To make it even more fun, create a dance, use a trampoline, invent different types of motions. To remember formulas or dates for history, you can do the same thing.

Role playing is always a fun activity that provides ample of opportunity to learn. Role playing is a very effective tool that is used for a variety of learning purposes including company seminars and colleges.

This technique of involving different styles of learning, is very effective. In addition, it also gives us lots of opportunities to make learning fun and enjoyable.

Toys As Part of Your Child’s Development

This subject is important all year round, when we buy toys for our children, but it becomes especially important here in the US around the holidays when many households who celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah spend some time choosing and purchasing toys for the children.

When you plan your toy shopping this holiday season, start with taking a look at the toys and the games that your child already has, and determine if there is a category that is missing. For example, if your child is an infant, does your child have lots of colorful, visually attractive toys, but no musical enrichment? Or did you often read to your child, sing to him or play music to him but did not provide a visually stimulating environment? For an infant, it is important to have lots of visual stimulation, but also play lots of music (don't forget to


- - 52

play classical music). Let your child touch many different surfaces. If the child is learning how to walk, let him walk on many different surfaces, like grass, sand, tile, carpet, wood, and so on. If it’s summer, and you can let the child walk bare feet on some of those surfaces (keeping safety in mind) – that would be most beneficial.

Fantastic visual stimulators for children of all ages are coloring books and mazes. These stimulate the visual discrimination, as well as the fine motor skills and hand eye coordination. There are many types of coloring books, the best include intricate patterns that can be very complicated. Good activities are closing the eyes and describing the colors and the patterns, or recreating from memory. Hold the pattern in a different position, for example upside down, and ask your child to draw it right side up. Try it yourself, you will find that you benefit from this activity too! This is a superior exercise that develops the visual discrimination and imagination. Your child will surprise you with the speed they learn to do this.

Building toys that are age-appropriate are great toys to strengthen the spatial intelligence, and the 3D perception of a child. To strengthen the tactile skills, make sure your child's building toys are made of a variety of materials, from wood and metals to plastic and rubber. Make sure to discuss the differences with your child, the features and characteristics of each material. For example: how much does it weigh? Does it float in water, is it breakable? It is a great opportunity to expose your child to some ideas in Chemistry, and watch for signs of interest. If your child shows interest in Chemistry, seize the opportunity! By all means, purchase some Chemistry sets, or just check out a book in the library, and read it with your child.

Another activity that develops the tactile skills is sculpting. Young children can sculpt in Play dough, while older children can sculpt in different media and develop their skills this way. Papier-mâché, clay, and others are good materials to experiment with. At the art store there are some clay-like materials which you can bake in a conventional oven. These are quite expensive, but great when your child creates a masterpiece he would like to save. Combine some information about great sculptures of all times, show pictures of famous sculptures, mention the names of the artists. If possible, go to a museum and let your child see some art pieces. See if you can encourage your child to recreate what they saw at the museum. You'll be surprised with the results.


- - 53

Strategy games are great to teach analytical skills. Chess is not the only beneficial game there is! If your child has only few strategy games, or none at all, make sure to purchase some of those that fit into your budget and are appropriate for your child's age and ability. Strategy games can account for many enjoyable hours that I have spent with my son. Of course, he beat me every time.

When you introduce a young child to any game which results in a win or a loss, please be sensitive to your child's feelings. Children around the age of 3 to 5 always want to win, and find it hard to come to terms with a loss. We, as adults, know that when you play a game, you sometimes lose. However, for children at this age, it is a very difficult lesson to learn. A Russian Chess teacher once told me that when he has a student at this age, he will always make sure that the child wins. This turns the game into a very enjoyable experience for the child, and encourages him to learn and excel in the future.

In conclusion, start your planning early, and make sure that when you purchase gifts for your child, you provide ample of toys and games that strengthen all types of intelligence and skills and support development in all learning styles.

In the last few weeks, I have spent a significant amount of time, looking for some great resources for toys and games that are fun, educational and very enriching for many age groups, in order to help you with your planning and choosing,

I have included them in the RESOURCES page on my web site. Please take a look at http://www.all-gifted-children.com/resources.htm , plan and choose wisely.

This Right Brain - Left Brain Issue

There has been a lot of talk recently about the “Right Brain/Left Brain” concept. It started with the famous Nobel Prize winning work of Dr. Roger Sperry from the California Institute of Technology about the brain hemispheres and their different functions. Sperry discovered that


- - 54

the left brain is responsible for language, logical thinking and analysis. The right brain is responsible for images, imagination and intuition.

Researchers have concluded that in every person, one of these hemispheres of the brain is dominant. Some people even claim that men are left-brain dominant, while women are right-brain dominant. No wonder, they conclude, there is such a big gap in communication between men and women! Research has shown that it is very important to increase the communications (or “connections”) between the hemispheres of the brain. If we do that, we increase the functionality of the brain. This can be done at any age, and has proven to be beneficial. Enhanced balance between the two hemispheres improves peace of mind, harmony, reading and comprehension, and develops better concentration and focus. The activities that have been shown to develop and improve the brain hemisphere connectivity are usually the ones that use both sides of the body in concert. The cross pattern we all use while walking or swimming, and which babies use when they crawl, develops and strengthens the connection between the brain hemispheres. (By cross pattern, I mean the movement when we bring the right arm and the left leg forward, and then the left arm and the right leg). It has been shown that some brain-injured children who did not crawl developed severe handicaps, but by practicing the activity of crawling they showed surprising improvements. An activity that can help significantly with babies, is stimulating eye movements between the left and the right side. Hold an interesting and colorful toy, or just your hand in front of your baby’s eyes. After the baby has focused his eye on the object or your hand, move it to his right side, and then to the left side, back and forth. These eye movements stimulate the left and the right hemispheres in turn, and strengthen the left-right hemisphere connectivity. Also beneficial is the movement of an object from a close position to a farther away position from your baby. This focus on far and then a close object develops and strengthens you baby’s eyesight, and stimulates the neural connection between the eyes and the brain.

For older children, a very beneficial activity is juggling. The motion of juggling makes use of exactly the right hand movements and the


- - 55

eye movements that stimulates brain activity and creates new neurons in the brain. My son recently has told me that at his school there is a juggling club, and many of the members are math university professors. I found this fact to be very interesting.

Another activity that has been proven to contribute greatly to higher intelligence as well as better health is swimming. This activity can be done at any age, and if you swim with your baby or your child, it will contribute to your health too. If you have followed my information about teaching your baby to swim, your child might be already swimming by now. I just want to mention that the formal swimming styles don’t actually use the “cross movement” that is so beneficial for the brain hemisphere connectivity, but young babies, when they start swimming, they use the “doggie swim” style, which does use the “cross movement”. Another activity that improves the brain connectivity and balance is crawling. If your baby is still young, and does not crawl yet, swimming is preferred. You can also team up with a friend or a partner, and “imitate” the crawling movement holding the baby’s arms and legs, in cross pattern. You stand on one side of the baby, while the baby is laying on his tummy, and the partner on the other side. Using a table will make it easier on your back, but make sure that you put the baby on a soft surface, so that the baby is comfortable, and that you watch the baby at all times! You hold a hand and a foot, and so does the partner. Then while you bring the arm forward, the partner brings the leg forward, and visa versa, creating a rhythm. Do it just for a few minutes, while having fun. You can repeat it several times a day. Make sure your child has room and the opportunity to crawl. You might have to clean the floors, and make sure that the floor is free of little objects your child can choke on, but encourage him to crawl as much as possible.

A young couple I know live in a cold climate. When their little boy was at the age other children crawl, they didn’t let him spend any time on the floor. (It was winter). They always held him on their arms, or put him in a play pen. When I recommended that they let him crawl, they said that they prefer to keep him clean. The baby has never gotten a chance to crawl or move around freely. If you want your child


- - 56

to develop and grow the best way possible, do your child a favor, and let him have room to move around on the floor.

When Tammy was about 3 months old, I put her on the floor, on the rug most of her waking time. Tammy was a very active baby, I couldn’t put her on a sofa, for the fear that she will fall off of it. One time I put her in a baby carrier, one of those little seats you can put a child in. Some of them even have a rocking motion. Within several minutes, Tammy managed to wiggle her way out of it, and fell on the floor. When I put her on the floor, I realized, she could not fall! However, very soon after I started doing this, she started rolling. She got the idea that she could use this motion to move around, and she started rolling around the room. She would roll from one corner of the room to the other, researching her environment!

For older children, chasing each other while crawling can be a fun and crazy game. You can get on your hands and knees too, it will do you good! If you have several children, encourage them to play “catch” while crawling. This is good exercise, and it contributes to their intelligence. Walking and running are natural activities that utilize the cross pattern, and are great at balancing right and left hemispheres of the brain.

If you have a very young baby, a very stimulating activity is massaging both feet, or both hands, for a few minutes, several times every day. When you gently massage your baby’s feet, and stimulate both feet at the same time, and then each foot – one after the other, and watch your baby’s face, you will notice that he enjoys this activity very much. It is not necessarily a calming activity, because massaging the baby’s feet is actually stimulating. I can’t explain why it is great for the baby, since it does not actually stimulate both hemispheres of the brain, however, my feeling is that it stimulates some nerve junctures in the body and in the brain. I recommend doing this a few minutes every day, before or after changing the baby’s diapers. This activity also forces you to take a few minutes a day to look into your baby’s eyes and to smile at him; you will notice that it strengthens the bond you are creating with your baby, and this is a priceless bonus. Massaging the left foot and the


- - 57

right hand at the same time, and then the right foot and the left hand, can also be beneficial. As we know, most people have a dominant hand. Some people are right-handed, and some people are left-handed. Statistically, more than 50% of the people are right-handed. Very few people can use both hand easily, and have no preference. In the past (a few generations ago), it was common practice to force children to use their right hand for writing, to tie their left arm behind their back, if they attempted to use it for writing. Children were punished for using their left hand for writing, cutting with scissors, playing ball etc. There was even a spoon which couldn’t be used in the left hand! All these, of course, did not turn the child into right handed, but sadly enough, often created some problems.

I have found that practicing writing using both hands is very beneficial. A right handed child should practice writing with his left hand, and a left handed child – with his right hand. This will feel very awkward at first, and takes some practice. So I recommend turning it into a game. Do it with your child, take turns and compete. The one who writes clearer, or faster, wins. For example, every word earns a number of points, and whoever earns most points gets an award. Invent some games, and turn it into a fun activity. You can use colorful pens, to create more fun, you can turn it into an art project, writing and drawing with the weak hand. Be creative and find ways to turn it into a game and have fun. Only a few minutes of practice a day will make a big difference. And remember – by doing this you are giving your child an advantage many other children do not have. Another activity that is amazingly productive for your child: drumming. I know, this is not for everybody! If you cannot stand the noise, maybe it is not the right activity for you. However, when your child learns how to drum, he is using both hands in turn, and is also learning a pattern. It will be a lot of fun to play a game, in which one of you invents a pattern and “drums” it (you don’t need a drum for this) and the others have to recognize the pattern and imitate it. You can provide an award, and use it as an incentive. The pattern can become more and more complicated as you get better at this game. This game strengthens your child’s auditory memory, improves the brain connectivity and improves pattern recognition. It is wonderful.


- - 58

Whole Brain Development – Shichida’s Method

Here is a fresh approach to education that is relatively new and emerging.

A new type of education started emerging when the Japanese pre-school educator Shichida Makoto learned about the famous Nobel Prize winning work of Dr. Roger Sperry from the California Institute of Technology about the brain hemispheres and their different functions. As we have learned before, Sperry discovered that the left brain is responsible for language, logical thinking and analysis. The right brain is responsible for images, imagination and intuition.

In 1951, Dr. Makoto Shichida started researching into a method of education that would take advantage of the right brain features, for pre-school children age 0 to 3. His method became well known and widely used in the Far East.

Shichida believes that all children are born geniuses. In Shichida’s opinion, the ideal age for right brain development is age 0 to 3. However, if your child is older, it is still useful to engage in Dr. Shichida’s Whole Brain Development program. In children younger than 6, the right brain is dominant. However, after the age of 6, the left brain starts being dominant. If the child starts learning after the age of 6, as is done in a big part of the world, it will be hard to develop the child’s right brain.

The claim is that about 80% of the people have developed a stronger left brain, neglecting their right brain. The current method widely used in everyday learning is based on logic, which takes advantage of the right brain’s strength in language and analysis. In this way, the left brain develops, dominating the right brain. In today’s schools and education, there is a tendency to neglect the arts, music and creativity, which take advantage and develop the right brain.


- - 59

The methods used to develop the right brain are generally visualization, imagination and “photographic” memory.

The right brain works at a lightening speed, as opposed to the left brain, which is slow and methodic, needing time for analysis.

An important function of the right brain is creativity. The left brain can learn, analyze and use the information it has been taught, but the right brain is able to come up with new concepts, which have not been known before.

Shichida sees right brain development as closely related to spirituality, and claims that with practice and training with images, children can develop stronger intuition and psychic abilities. He also claims that younger children have stronger psychic abilities than adults, due to the frequency of their brain waves, which is different from adults’ brain waves. This, of course, goes hand in hand with the fact we all have noticed, that children have much more active imaginations, and they often claim to have premonitions or psychic phenomena.

In his research, Shichida showed a very interesting fact: he ran PET (Positron Emission Tomography) tests on abacus users while they were performing calculations, and showed that their right brains were active, while people who were using the traditional methods to calculate, had no or very little activity in their right brain. The abacus is a visual way to perform calculations, and Shichida’s conclusion was that the right brain has the ability to perform high speed, automatic mathematical calculations. (See chapter on Abacus).

Shichida Makoto’s method to activate the right brain makes use of hypnotic suggestions. The children close their eyes, while soft music is playing in the background. The teacher instructs the children to go to their imaginary world, where they are free to visualize and develop their imaginations. Teachers often also make use of images on cards, and have the children imagine the card changing its shape or color. These activities strengthen children’s visualization skills and creativity.

Another activity that is used is training the visual memory, again, utilizes picture cards. Children can flip through them quickly, to enable their right brain to absorb the images. Another method is to lay the cards face down, and turn them over quickly. The children then attempt to remember the cards and their placing. These activities


- - 60

activate the right brain, which enables the children to remember huge amount of data quickly and easily.

It is important to note that according to Shichida Makoto, a child’s development is based on love. He claims that the child needs to have a loving home, for all these methods to work. There is a close connection between the right brain, emotions and spirituality. Parents are encouraged to join class activities and the bond between parents and children is strengthened. In Shichida based schools counseling is provided for parents who need to improve the family atmosphere, in order to ensure that the child has the appropriately loving environment, which is so important for right brain education.

In Japan, there are nowadays more than 300 Shichida based schools. However, his methods have not yet been accepted into the main stream, partly because of lack of scientific proof of his theories.

In my opinion, a good method is keeping a balance between right brain and left brain development. As I have suggested in other places in this book, balance is important. Providing a balanced array of activities, learning styles and toys provides a child with a round education, developing the left and the right brain. In addition, doing activities that encourage left/right brain connectivity is also important.

Visual Discrimination Would you like your child to develop phenomenal creativity? Brilliant problem solving skills? A perception for details far superior to what you have ever seen? Genius level imagination? Here is your chance to help your child develop all these, and improve your own skills in the process! These are fun and enjoyable activities, which require no special equipment and no expense; just a little bit of practice will show huge benefits. I will include different age groups, and age-appropriate activities.

Infants: Very young babies need the first few weeks of their lives to mature the neural connection between their eyes and their brain. You can help your newborn develop his eye-brain connection and mature his eye-focus skill by showing him an image. The trick is to show your


- - 61

newborn an image that is big enough (for example, 10”x8” or bigger) and has bold colors. It can be a simple picture at first, preferably one of a person close to and important to the baby - for example Mom or Dad. Hold the picture in front of your baby, and watch his eyes. Wait until the baby focuses on the picture and hold it there for a second or two. Do this several times a day. You will notice that the baby takes less and less time to focus his eyes on the image. Most babies may take 6 to 8 weeks to get to the point that they can easily focus on an image and perceive the details, but if you help your baby in this manner, it will speed up the process. When your baby focuses his eyes on an object faster, you can start moving the object slowly and make sure your child is following the movement of the picture with his eyes. At this time you can start moving the image farther away, and then bring it back closer to the baby’s eyes. This will exercise the eye muscles and provide good practice. Do this slowly and gently, to give your baby the time to adjust to the activity.

Since ‘Mom knows best’, you will know when your child is ready for the next step. At that time you can start showing a picture of an object and say the name of the object. The child will develop his vocabulary and visual discrimination. You can show the same image several times in a row, and then switch to a different picture. Do this only when the baby and you are in good mood, and turn it into a fun, relaxed and joyful activity. Show your baby lots of love when you are done.

I suggest you prepare a set of pictures ahead of time, probably about 25 pictures. Remember, the pictures should be in bold color, and at least 10”x8”.

Next Step: Advance to a more detailed image, and go from one detail to another, pointing them out. Then you can describe what is happening in the picture, what action is taking place. Observe the people or the objects, describe them, paying attention to the smallest details. Next session you can get into finer details. You can do this a few times in a row, but after 3 times, I recommend starting on a new picture.

When the Baby Can Talk: This becomes very exciting. You take turns with your child, observing an image and describing it. From the very obvious details you can go to the less obvious ones, and then you can start imagining and developing a whole story around the picture. You will discover that the more you observe the image, the more details you will notice. This will develop the child’s visual perception and imagination. You can do it for a few minutes a day, or for a longer


- - 62

period of time (in my opinion, you should not take more than 30 minutes), but the longer you do it, the finer the details that you will observe. You can start with a few minutes several times a day, and increase the period of time gradually.

This activity is appropriate for a variety of age groups. It is a great pastime, and it lets you take advantage of wasted time, for example at the doctor’s waiting room or in line at the bank. When you are out of the house, you can observe your environment, and discuss your surroundings. Turn it into a game – take turns describing the subject, or imagining a story. For example, what are these people doing? What kind of family do they have? What kind of a house? How does this person feel right now? (Observe the expressions on their faces).

After a very short period of time of practicing these activities, you will notice the results. You will notice a huge change in you too! This gets more and more interesting and beneficial as we progress through the activities.

When you feel that the time is right: You can start exercising your child’s visual memory. You observe an image for a few minutes, then you take the image away, and try to remember the details. Take turns describing the image, and the person who remembers more details – is the winner. You can prepare ahead of time a few questions about the picture, and ask the questions after the picture was taken away. For example: how many of a certain object, what color is a certain object, and so forth. Within a short period of time, the child will be able to remember many details, and very fine details, too. You will discover that your own memory is improving too.

Visual memory can be improved indefinitely! I know a boy who, at the young age of 8, played chess without looking at the board (blindfold). He beat his chess teacher even though the teacher was allowed to look at the board!

For school-aged children: All the activities described above (except for the ones for infants) are appropriate for all ages. With school-aged children, you can invent some games, or compete with them, and you can vary the games. You can take time looking at an image and describing it in more and more detailed fashion. Then take it away and see who remembers more details. This game trains the perception as well as the memory. Then you can progress to the imagination and creativity stage, when you invent a story around the picture, and try to guess how the people in the picture feel, what brought them to the “present” situation and so forth. (Of course, these are just examples).


- - 63

See if you can write a little story about the picture at hand. It is fun taking turns developing a story about the picture. You can record your picture, and if you have to stop – continue with the same story next time around. Pay special attention to face expressions on pictures. This will teach your child to be observant and sensitive to other people’s feelings.

A very beneficial activity for the development of visual discrimination is working on puzzles. Puzzles are good at any age. At a very early age, puzzles develop hand-eye coordination too. One piece puzzles are good at the beginning, when the child learns how to put one piece in place, but immediately after that, a child can proceed to two piece and three piece puzzles. Puzzles are known to increase concentration, too. Many children enjoy working on a puzzle of a familiar picture, for example a picture of their own house, pictures of family members and so forth. Putting together puzzles can be a family activity. Use a small table, so that the puzzle is accessible from all directions, then have all interested members of the family participate. Make sure to rotate chairs occasionally, so that each person’s vantage point changes.

Don’t stop here! 2 dimensional puzzles are great, but 3 dimensional puzzles are a step farther. For the very young, I have seen clocks that have a picture on each side. You can change the position of the block, to change the picture of the puzzle. If you want, you can make a game like this yourself. Take 9 blocks, cut a picture into 9 pieces, and glue onto the blocks. Then you can turn the blocks and glue another picture on and so forth. There are other 3 dimensional puzzles on the market, some very complicated. Use judgment when choosing a puzzle. After all, we don’t want to frustrate your child, we just want to “stretch” his ability. We want to find a challenging game that your child will be able to solve, but not too easily.

For visual discrimination, I also recommend the game of Chess. Chess is so beneficial for children, that I have written a whole chapter about it.

In the resource page of http://www.all-gifted-children.com you will find resources for puzzles. This page is being updated and new resources are being added constantly.


- - 64

Teach Your Baby to Read

All babies learn a language before they can talk. I am sure that you have noticed that your baby understands what you are saying to him, long before he can actually talk or answer.

Babies are especially equipped for learning a language! They can recognize patterns in an amazing way! How do babies learn a language? Obviously, they use their hearing (auditory discrimination) but also their eye-sight (visual discrimination), as we show them the object, while we say its name.

In the same way, a child can learn to read. Actually, learning how to read utilizes the same fantastic skill: recognition of patterns using visual discrimination and auditory discrimination.

There are a few tricks in teaching very young children to read. If you know these tricks, your chances for success are much increased:

1. When you teach an infant or a toddler to read, you can’t test them, either because they can’t talk yet, or because they don’t like to be tested. So for a while, until it’s evident that your child recognizes the words, you will have to patient and just simply have faith. You will have to believe that it works! It’s easy to give up, when you have no sign that what you are doing even works. Don’t. Keep working with your child, and one day – you will notice that your child is reading.

2. Use big letters in red color. In little children, the connection between the eye and the brain is not mature yet, and so using big letters in red help them see the word better, and identify the word better.

3. You have to work very quickly. How long does it take for you to look at a picture? A very short time, right? That’s all your child needs to look at a word. If you hold it there in front of him for a long time – your child will lose interest and walk away (or look away).


- - 65

And now – to work!

Many of us learned how to read based on the phonetic method. I learned to read in first grade, using the phonetic method, and so did all my friends, my parents, their friends, and so on. Notice, though, that all of us when we read, we do not sound out the words one by one! We read words or even sentences at once. When do we sound out a word? When we see it for the first time, or when we try to pronounce a name, and most of the time we mispronounce the names anyways.

The best way to teach a child to read – is using words. From words we proceed to sentences. In my experience, a child that learns to read this way, will read faster and have better comprehension.

Your child is a master at pattern recognition. For example, if you show your child the word “bat”, then you show him the word “cat”, and then “hat”, your child will know, by himself, in what way the combination “at” is pronounced, and will deduct by himself how the letters b, c and h are pronounced. You don’t need to explain it to him – he already knows. That’s why, if you do teach your child phonetics after he already reads, it will be very easy – he will know it already.

Make up some flash cards. (You can also purchase them. Look at the store page, at http://www.all-gifted-children.com/store.htm.) It is easy to make flash cards. Use somewhat stiff paper or cardboard, so that it doesn’t bend when you hold it up and show to your child. Use big letters (3” is good) and red marker pen. Write the letters the way they look in a book, so use print. Start with simple and familiar words, like mommy, daddy, the name of the child, and the names of siblings. Then you can start with familiar objects, like bottle, doll, words that you know your child recognizes are best. If you can, make up about 100 flash cards.

You start with showing a card to your baby, and saying the word that is written on the card. Then go to the next card quite quickly. You can start with one card, two cards or three cards. This will take only a few seconds really, and then you are done. Now it is time to celebrate. Tell your child how smart he is, that he is learning to read, and really celebrate. Wasn’t that fun? This you can do several times a day, using the same cards.


- - 66

After a few days of doing this with the same cards, it is time to start adding cards. Add a new card a day, until you have 5 cards. Again, just a few seconds at a time, a few times a day, as it fits into your schedule.

After 3 days of showing 5 cards, it is time to start the next phase. In this phase, you add one card a day, and omit one of the oldest cards. First you will omit the cards from the first day, one a day, and then omit the oldest card, the one that your child has already seen many times. So for a while now you will show your child every day (several times a day) 4 of the old cards, and a new one.

Remember – show the cards very fast, while saying the word. When you are done saying the word – go to the next one.

Remember – don’t test your child! Don’t ask: “What is this?” – Just show the cards for a few seconds a day, several times a day, and then give your child lots and lots of love, and celebrate.

Keep the words you omit in a separate pile, occasionally put them back in the pile instead of a new word, to review them.

After several weeks, your child should be able to recognize a large number of words. Now you can start composing sentences. Start with short simple sentences, like “I am Joey” or “I am Tammy”. Use your own child’s name. Use the same method – start with 2 – 3 sentence cards, and then add up to 5 cards. Now you will show your child the word pile and the sentence pile, 5 cards in each pile. Still, do it for a few seconds at a time, several times a day, but alternate between words and sentences. Keep adding a new word a day (and omitting an old word a day), and also a new sentence a day and omit and old sentence a day.

After your child can read (you have to assume that he can read) words and sentences, it is time to read his first book. You can make the book by yourself, or purchase a very simple book, one that has only one sentence on each page.

If you decide to make your own book, just make up a book out of some of the sentence flash cards you already have. Decorate the pages (I used stickers) to the best of your ability, and bind the pages


- - 67

together to make then into a book. (Any method is good, even if you are just using a stapler).

If you decide to purchase a book, after you choose the book, make flash cards of the words in the book, and the sentences in the book. First show your child the cards with the words from the book, then the sentences from the book. When your child can recognize all the words and sentences, you can start showing him the book.

After preparing the book, you can start to read the book to your child, while showing him the pages. You can do a page a day, (several times a day), or the whole book, according to your observation and judgment.

Now it is time for a big celebration! Your child has read his first book! You can reward your child, you can make up a certificate, which you can frame and hang on the wall, you can tell everybody around about your child’s achievement, while your child is listening, do whatever it takes for your child to get the idea: this is fabulous!

From here, you can keep showing new words, new sentences and new books. You can gradually upgrade to more sophisticated books, with more sentences on a page, but use the same method. Finally, you can teach your child phonetics.

A helpful game: Among the words you show your child, you can include the words that appear often on signs. For example, types of cars that you see often when you are driving. While you are driving, you can play a game of recognizing the different types of cars.

You can also include common names of common restaurants, businesses and so forth. Then when you walk around, or drive around, you can play the game of recognizing the signs on restaurants, grocery stores, or other businesses. Start with one word a day. For example, you can choose the word “exit” and point out all the places where the word “exit” appears. The next day choose a different word, and now point out the new word, and still include the word “exit” if you see one.

If you often go to a certain mall in your neighborhood, include the signs on top of the stores in the words you are working on. Then you can go to the mall, and read the names on top of the stores. Anywhere you see names or words printed on signs, boxes, products you use,


- - 68

include the words in the word flash cards that you show your child, and let him recognize the names on the products. This will help your child realize, that the written words are all around him.

Improve Reading Comprehension

I’d like to tell you about a very helpful method of reading books and articles that aids comprehension and will make your child a champion reader. This method is appropriate for school aged children, but if you have a younger child, you can start them on this method with simpler books, just to get them acquainted to this method. Then the transition from simple children’s books to more complicated books will be seem-less.

Instead of working with a book, which shows only two pages at a time, work with a poster, which shows all pages of the book or the article at the same time. This way, you can look at the whole text without having to flip the pages. In order to make a poster, you make a copy of all the pages, and put them right next to each other. First you put them in order, but later your can alter the order of the pages, as you wish. You can work on a long table or spread the pages on the floor, at a designated area. Taping the pages to the floor or to the table makes it easier, because the pages then don’t move. It is best to use the kind of tape that you can peel off and reuse. You can tape the pages linearly next to each other at the beginning, or organize them in other patterns, depending on the idea you are working on, as you progress in the analysis of the book. As long as the pages are numbered, you have the freedom of moving the pages around.

Learning of the material is done in 2 phases:

Phase 1 – Organizational Understanding: Look with your child at the pages and study the way the whole subject is organized. Look at the headings, and get an idea of where the information is. What is covered in the book? How are the chapters related to each other? How are the ideas organized? This is an integral part of reading and understanding the article or the book. (Start with articles, or shorter texts, so that your child can practice the technique).


- - 69

At this point, let your child outline the paragraphs that are of most interest and the key ideas, using a marker, and also outline related subjects, drawing arrows from one to the other.

Phase 2 - Detailed Reading: When your child reads the chapters, let him mark the pages, make comments and write on it any additional ideas, questions and where they are answered in the book, additional material to research, reference to other books and so forth, depending on your child’s level. This is a good opportunity to introduce more techniques to your child, to bring him to the next level.

This method also lends itself to working in a group. Children and parents (or teachers) can cooperate on creating a poster, and discuss the material in a creative way.

If appropriate for the subject, let loose of the imagination. It is possible then to let your child make illustrations or write their own addition to the text. In this case, you can use different color of paper, so that it is visibly clear that this is not a part of the piece that is being studied. Each child participating can get a color of his own for his creative work, including comments, additions, illustrations and so forth.

Help Your Child Read Faster, Comprehend More and Remember

Better

Your child is already in school, or reads fluently. How can you improve his reading speed? There are some things you can practice with your child to make him a better reader.

1. Get rid of bad habits. Watch your child when he reads. Does he follow the line with his finger? This will slow his reading. To prevent


- - 70

this, teach your child to hold the book with both hands. Does your child read the words to himself? Does his mouth move while he is reading? This is one of the bad habits many people have. It will slow your child’s reading significantly. Have your child hold a hand over his mouth while he reads, so that he will notice when his mouth is moving, and will stop it.

2. Eye Movements: A French researcher named Javal wanted to investigate the eye movements of people while reading. Up to that time, everyone thought that the eyes looked at each letter in a word, and then at each word in a sentence, to read. Javal invented a tool which he used to monitor eye movements, and found out that this is not true. The eyes of a good reader proceed fluently over a line, grasping whole meaningful units at a time. In many studies since Javal’s, it has been proven that while the poor reader grasps only a word or part of a word at a glance, the excellent reader can read groups of words, groups which represent an idea.

In order to help your child start reading full sentences at a time, you can work with flash cards. You can choose a book that is appropriate for your child’s age and reading ability, or choose a textbook from school. Choose sentences out of the book (short sentences at first) and make flash cards of them. Now, in order to train your child to read full sentences at a time, you can play several games.

One of the games you can play is - matching. Have two groups of identical sentences, but in different orders, and see who can match them the fastest. You can start with only several short sentences, and advance to more complicated, longer sentences, and more cards. At the toughest level you can have similar sentences, or sentences that differ just by one word. The goal here is to get the child into the habit of identifying the sentences at a glance.

Hold a card up for a few seconds, then take it away, and see if the child can repeat the sentence. Then it’s your turn. The person who can read and remember the most cards is the winner.

Be creative, come up with some more games, and make it fun, fun, fun! Have a reward for the winner, and make sure your child wins at least some of the games. Don’t forget to praise your child for his achievements.


- - 71

3. Teach Your Child to Concentrate on Ideas: When your child looks for an idea in the reading material, it improves reading speed and also reading comprehension. The goal here is to read for the content, not just in order to sound the words. In order to practice this, copy a page from the book, and then have your child read the copied page, and circle the ideas. Take turns doing this, and then check each other’s pages. In order to have fun during this activity, choose humorous books or those you know your child will enjoy very much - books about favorite activities. Practicing looking for ideas in the book and circling them will improve your child’s reading skills dramatically.

4. Vocabulary: The better your child’s vocabulary, the faster he will read and the better he will comprehend the material. Children learn vocabulary in school, and you can help. You can improve your child’s vocabulary further by reading to your child, by improving your own vocabulary and using it when you speak with your child, by choosing a few new vocabulary words every day and including them in your conversation with the child.

5. Titles and Subtitles: Teach your child to familiarize himself with the book or the article before he reads it. This is a good habit to have. When you go to a bookstore with your child, or the library, choose a book your child would like to read. Have him look at the title and the subtitles, check what’s covered in the book, familiarize himself with the book. Then let your child tell you what he noticed about the book, what interests him in the book. Ask - why did you choose this book? What questions does this book answer for you? What do you expect to find in this book? If it’s fiction - what do you already know about the story from looking at the chapters? You can turn this activity into a game too! Choose a book that both you and your child have not read yet, familiarize yourselves with it, and then take turns mentioning a bit of information about the book that you have already learned just from looking at the titles, chapters and the subtitles. Write these down, and after reading check how many of your guesses were correct.

6. Finding the Main Idea in a Paragraph: Each paragraph represents an idea. Usually, there is a sentence or two that present the main idea, and the rest describe the main idea or add detail. Sometimes this sentence appears at the beginning of the paragraph, but not always. Finding the sentence that presents the main idea rapidly helps tremendously in increasing reading speed and comprehension. This skill can be acquired and practiced. Again, turn it


- - 72

into a game. Choose a book or an article, preferably an interesting and fun one. Take turns looking at the paragraphs and finding the “key” sentence. If you have two identical books, you can turn it into a competition: “who will find the key sentence first?” If your child doesn’t like competitions, just taking turns can be big fun.

By practicing in an enjoyable way the skills I have mentioned, your child will improve his reading speed and comprehension. As a bonus, you will spend enjoyable time with your child, quality time. This will provide wonderful memories and increase the bond between you and your child, and improve the relationship between you. Can you imagine any better way to spend your time?

Photographic Reading: This technique is based on “right brain” reading. It takes advantage of the right brain’s ability to “take a snap shot” of a detailed picture, and store it in memory. The tricky part is to call these details into memory, and into the “left brain”. (Here come all these exercises that we have done to improve left-right brain connectivity very handy.)

Do this experiment: Choose a very simple book, preferably with some pictures. Look at the book ahead of time, and write down some facts out of the book, or look at the pictures and find out what is included in them. Now have your child relax with some pleasant, relaxing music. Make sure your child drinks enough water before starting this exercise. Have your child flip the pages fast in front of his eyes. (Make sure that the whole pages show, when flipping pages, sometimes only part of the page shows, for the purpose of this exercise, the whole page needs to be visible while flipping). Do this several times, just to make sure.

OK, your child is done. Now, in the next hour or so, in a very nonchalant manner, bring the facts or pictures from the book into conversation. Don’t mention the book in any way, and don’t ask questions in a “testing” way, just naturally bring a picture or a fact into conversation, and see if your child starts mentioning facts or describes the picture. For example, you can talk about the picture, and mention an erroneous fact. Watch if your child corrects you. The purpose here is for your child to spontaneously bring into memory some facts from the book. You will be surprised to find out that your child can actually remember content from this book.


- - 73

In schools based on Dr. Shichida’s work, I have seen testimonials of parents, who wrote that their child reads several books each evening in this manner, and then summarize them on paper.

Improve Your Child’s Eyesight - Improve Your Child’s Intelligence

From a famous vision teacher I have heard that over 70% of the information a person learns, is absorbed through the eyes. There is no doubt, our vision is an extremely important part of our lives. In addition, it has been shown that the functionality of our eyes has a direct correlation with our health and coordination. Our left and right brain hemispheres are affected by the function of our eyes, therefore our vision is directly correlated with our brain function. As we all know, vision is a coordinated activity of the eyes, brain and the neural connection between them.

Bad vision habits. All of us have them, and they harm our eyesight over time.

1. Eye strain. Our grandmothers, when we read in the dark, used to say “Turn the light on, you are ruining your eyesight”. They were not wrong. Eye strain causes damage to our eyesight. When we let our eyes relax, our vision improves immediately. Make sure your child doesn’t strain his eyes! Make sure the conditions in the room are good, the light is good and your child is comfortable. If you notice that your child is reading for a long time, remind him to take a break for his eyes. Remind him to take his eyes off the book, let his eyes relax. When we read for a long time, we use only the muscles that help our eyes focus on details in a short distance. Taking your eyes off the book and looking at something that is in great distance, helps relax the eye. If you can, encourage your child to go to the nearest window, or go outside for a second, and look at the greatest distance possible.

2. Stress. When your child is stressed, his eyesight will worsen. At that time, you might decide to take him to the Optometrist, check


- - 74

his eyesight and the Optometrist will subscribe corrective lenses (eye glasses). Before you do all that, make sure your child relaxes. Solve the stress situation. His eyesight will improve, and the eye glasses might prove unnecessary.

3. Squinting: When your child has strained his eyes he may become near sighted. Many kids develop then the habit of squinting. Squinting is a very bad vision habit, that causes further strain to your child’s eye. Make sure that your child does not squint.

4. Rigid Neck: While working at the computer, most people hold their neck rigid. As the neck becomes stiff, so do the eye muscles. Make sure your child relaxes his neck from time to time. Remind him to relax his neck. One way to do this is to remind your child to move his head in all directions. For a younger child, ask him to move his nose and “draw” imaginary circles on the screen with his nose (without touching the screen!). This will provide the necessary relaxation for the neck.

5. Movement. Movement and exercise are essential for good vision. This goes hand in hand with the idea that there should be a balance in a child activities. A child that likes academic activities and is engaged in many activities that require sitting, should also have plenty of exercise and physical activity. As your child moves around, he gets the adequate amount of movement and exercise his eyes need for good development and function.

6. Blinking: Blinking is absolutely necessary for eye health and comfort. Some children forget to blink, and develop the habit of staring. Remind your child to blink. To create the habit of blinking, make sure your child takes occasional breaks for blinking. This can be done is just a few seconds, and should be done every once in a while, when your child is studying, reading, or working at his computer.

7. Rest and Nutrition: I can’t stress enough how important these are for your child’s health in general, and for his eyes’ health too. If a child doesn’t get enough rest, his health will suffer, as well as his development, not to mention intelligence. Adequate rest and good nutrition are essential.

A number of exercises have been developed, that improve vision, and at the same time increase intelligence by improving the right/left brain communication. You can exercise these with an infant or a toddler (gently), and you also can exercise these with a school age child, if the child is motivated. To motivate a school age child, you can talk about the benefits of these exercises. Every area will improve. If your child is


- - 75

active in sports, his performance will improve tremendously. A child that is interested in the arts will improve in that area. Dance? Theater? Singing? - every area that your child is interested in will benefit from this. These exercises literally take only a few minutes at a time. It is recommended to practice them several times a day, if possible. These exercises should be done while the child is standing up (unless it’s an infant).

Left/right brain communication:

Our far distance vision is associated with the right brain, while our short distance vision is associated with the left brain. Also, when you look to the right, you activate the left brain, when you look to the left, you activate the right brain.

Sphincter Movements:

Sphincters are the diaphragms, the circular muscles in the body (for example the muscles around the eyes, around the mouth, and the diaphragm that helps us breathe. These muscles contribute to coordination and healthy function of movement. All sphincters in the body are correlated, therefore when you exercise one sphincter, all of the sphincters will strengthen. When your child does the following exercises, you will notice small movements in the whole body. You will see that the child is gently swaying from left to right or from front to back. This is a healthy part of the exercise. (Children with Asthma will also benefit from these exercises).

Left/right side crossing:

Similarly to the famous cross movement, for example crawling, which utilizes the right arm and the left leg, and then the left arm and the right leg in turns, the left/right side crossing activates the right and the left brain in turns, and improves the coordination between the brain hemispheres. For an infant, hold a big, bright colored object in your hand, and see if you can get the child to focus his eyes on it. Then start moving it from left (left first) to right, and then back to the left. (The child’s left!). Start slowly, and then increase the speed. Do it only for a few seconds at a time. For an older child, ask the child to move his eyes from the left corner of his eyes to the right corner of his eyes, first slowly and then faster (but not too fast).

Far/close focusing:


- - 76

As I have mentioned earlier, the left brain hemisphere is responsible for distance vision, and the right brain hemisphere is responsible for the close vision. Ask the child to look at a very far (you can do this at a window or outdoors) object, and then switch looking at something close to his eyes. Repeat this 5 to 10 times. If you do this with an infant, you will have to hold the bright colorful object as far away as you can, and then move it closer to your child’s eyes, while watching if your child’s eyes are focused on the object. This activity will strengthen your child’s eye muscles, as well as brain hemisphere coordination.

Another great activity for far/close focusing is the game of ping pong, or table tennis. If it’s age appropriate (and you can start earlier than you think!) teach your child to play ping pong, and let him practice the game!

Circular Movement:

Circular movement of the eyes increases flexibility of the eye muscles, and in an interesting way, improves the general coordination of your child. Fine motor skills as well as gross motor skills will improve with this exercise. Have your child make circular motion with his eyes. Start with the left corner of his eye (again, the child’s left) look down and to the right corner of his eyes. Then look up and to the left corners of his eyes. After 2 or 3, reverse the direction. Do this first with the eyes open, then with the eyes closed. This exercise should be done slowly. As it activates many muscles in the body, it is much harder to do than it looks! If you are working with an infant, hold the bright colored object until the baby focuses on it, and slowly move in a circular motion, in the way that I have described earlier.

Open/close:

(This exercise is hard to do with an infant.) Have your child open his eyes as wide as he can, and then close his eyes as tight as he can. You will notice that when the eyes are open, your child’s body will move slightly backwards, and when he closes his eyes, his body will sway slightly forwards. This is because many muscles in the body work in tandem. Muscles that are rarely exercised in any other way will be activated using these exercises.

Juggling.

Juggling is a very beneficial activity! It is fun, and it improves hand-eye coordination in a surprising way! It is good for the eyes and the


- - 77

brain! Many colleges have juggling clubs, and these are frequented by many of the Mathematics professors. Juggling involves cross-side movement that was mentioned earlier, and also moves and exercises the eyes. Encourage your child to learn and practice juggling, first with soft balls and later with juggling clubs.

These are several ways to exercise for improvement in vision, coordination and intelligence. You can choose a few exercises a day, and vary so that your child doesn’t get bored. Please don’t feel that you have to do all these activities every day! You can leisurely pick and choose the ones that you feel comfortable with, turn these into games, and have fun!

Auditory Discrimination It is important to make sure that you develop your child’s auditory discrimination as well, not only the visual discrimination.

To start with an infant, you can play pleasant classical music in the background for the baby during the day, at any time. For an infant, you can play it a little bit louder, to make sure the child can hear it, but make sure it is not too loud and not too long, so it doesn’t bother your baby when he needs his rest. It might not be a good idea to play it constantly all day, just for periods of time.

When the child is ready, you can start teaching him to identify musical instruments. You can use different toy musical instruments. Gather several musical instruments. Let your child “play” then, to hear the sound they make. Then have the child turn around, and sound one of the instruments. Let your child guess which musical instrument it was. Take turns guessing. Teach your child the name of the different instruments. You can also use recordings of different musical instruments, play the recording and let your child guess what kind of instrument it is. Tell your child the name of the instrument.


- - 78

To improve your child’s auditory memory, you can practice remembering series of numbers. Start with one or two numbers, and have your child repeat them. Then advance to longer strings of numbers, letters, or combinations or numbers and letters. You can also use sentences. Practice auditory memory, and you will be surprised at the length of the strings of numbers or letters your child can remember!

Another very beneficial activity is remembering tones. Use a piano, or a keyboard.

A simple keyboard will do. Start with just 2 sounds, gradually advance to strings of sounds, and have your child repeat them. Turn it into a game, and have fun! Take turns, let your child compose the tones too, and I bet that before you know it, your child will be able to remember longer strings than you can.

Reading to your child, is one common way of improving auditory discrimination. In addition to reading, also read to your child, so that both visual and auditory discrimination are developed. It is very good to read to your child, while your child is looking at the book with you. If there are any pictures in the book, let you child look at the pictures while you are reading the book to him. Combining visual learning with auditory learning is a good method of learning, and helps develop the left-right brain connectivity.

A more advanced form of auditory training – is drumming. You drum a pattern, and your child has to imitate it. You can start with very simple patterns of drumming, and advance to very complicated ones. You will be amazed at what your child can grasp and remember, after a short while of practice.

The following exercise is very beneficial for strengthening the hearing. Have your child turn around, then say a sentence, very softly. Have your child repeat the sentence.

You can alternate between saying the sentence in a normal voice, then very softly, whispering. You can vary the sentences, sometimes using similar words, or the same sentence several times, changing just one word. This will increase the acuity of your child’s hearing, as well as his concentration.


- - 79

Languages

Children start learning their mother tongue at birth (or maybe even before). As you talk to your child, he learns the language. Long before your child can talk, he understands what you say to him. We all know that a child learns languages much better, much faster than we the adults can. Children also learn languages in a different way than we do. A person who learned a language in childhood, masters the language in a different way than a person who learned that language in school, later in life. When learning a language in childhood, a person masters the language intuitively, without needing to remember any rules and grammar.

Little children can learn many languages at the same time. I had friends who lived in Germany. Lilly was born in Romania, Robert was born in Russia. They have lived in Israel when their children were born, and at the time I have met them, they lived in Germany. The children were ages 4 and 6. Both spoke Romanian with their mother, Russian with their father, German with their peers in school, and Hebrew with the Israeli friends they had.

In addition to learning so many languages, children also will remember which language they speak with which person. They will always speak that same languages with a person they know.

When you want to teach your child several languages, find different people to speak that language to your child. They can read books to him in that language, they can watch movies and videos with him – in that same language. They can teach your child how to read and write in that language. But if you don’t want your child to mix different languages – make sure every person interacts with them only in one language.

If you happen to know several languages, and you would like to teach your child several languages, the best way to do that is to have separate time allocated to each language. For example, find a specific location to interact in a specific language, or a different time of the day that would be consistently allocated to that language. Give your child a tool to differentiate between the different languages.


- - 80

If your child learned several languages, and is mixing them up a bit at the beginning, don’t be alarmed. As your child grows, he will know how to differentiate, and will learned not to mix languages any more. However, if you help your child separate the languages, by making sure different people interact with your child in their own language, by allocating different times of the day to different languages (for example English in the morning, German in the evening) or if you allocate different rooms in the house to different languages, you will be helping your child differentiate between the languages early on.

How many languages should I teach my child? The more the better. I repeat: the more the better. There is no rule as to how many languages your child can learn. I believe that if you teach your child several languages, your child will develop the ability to learn additional languages fast and effortlessly. When my Tammy was young, I actively sought out people that agreed to speak to her in different languages. When she was 18 months old, we have lived in Germany for a year and a half, so she became fluent in German. My husband and I kept speaking to her in our mother tongue, and when she was 5 we came to the United States. After living in the US for about 3 months, on the standard testing, Tammy scored in the 98 percentile for English vocabulary. She has been only 3 months in the country, and scored better than 98% of the children in the US in English vocabulary! Are you amazed?

When Eric was at the age of 2, a German friend of mine came to visit us, and helped taking care of Eric for 2 years. I asked her to always speak German to him. She read German books to him, and showed him how to read in German. Of course he learned English at home, and some other languages from friends and relatives. I always made sure my children were exposed to many languages.

How to Teach Your Baby Math

It is possible to develop your child’s “feel” for numbers, amounts and computation from a very early age. Many people say “I don’t know


- - 81

math” because of some bad experience they had in school, or at a very early age. They accept this fact without questioning it.

My daughter had a bad experience with an unskilled teacher in 2nd grade. Tammy was a very active child. She loved playing with her friends on the school grounds. The math class was right before the big recess, and the children who finished their assignment first, had the opportunity to go outside early. Naturally, children 6 – 7 years old, wanted to go outside and play.

Several times I met with the math teacher, who told me that Tammy doesn’t know math. She said it in front of Tammy, but I didn’t react at the time. Then it happened: I came to pick Tammy up from school early one day (we had a doctor appointment) and the teacher approached me. She started with the accustomed sentence, “Tammy doesn’t know math, and I would like to show you her work”. I was invited into the classroom, and there the teacher showed me a few work pages, with long multiplication exercises on it. It was Tammy’s handwriting. Each page contained about 20 exercises. The teacher showed me on each page – the first 10 or 12 exercises were done correctly, and the rest were marked with red pen. They had numbers on them that could only come from the wild imagination of a 7 year old child. The teacher said: “If you look at the first exercises, you would think that she understood the concept, but then you look at the last few and you realize that she has no idea how to multiply.”

This is the conversation between me and the teacher that followed:

Me (protective Mom): “Mrs. Teacher, how long have you been a teacher?”

Teacher: “15 years. Why?”

Me (protective Mom): “I am surprised that after 15 years of working with children you still don’t have even an inkling of understanding of children. Do you have any children yourself?”

Teacher: “No.”

Me (Protective Mom): “Do you not realize that Tammy knows the material, and all she did here is solve the first 12 questions, and then write in some number, so that she can go and play outside?”

Teacher: “This had not occurred to me”. This teacher has accomplished one very crucial thing: She has convinced Tammy that she doesn’t know how to do Math. She said it so many times, Tammy started believing it. I, her mother, whose job it


- - 82

is to protect her from harm, was too slow to realize what is happening. I failed to protect her from the this negativity has caused: “ Tammy doesn’t know how to do Math”. Had it happened today, I would immediately ask the teacher to never repeat that sentence in front of Tammy, and would immediately take steps to negate the damage, (Positive affirmation or EFT) but at that time, I didn’t know all that.

If you start to teach your baby Math early on, if you develop the “feel” and talent for Math, your child will be ways ahead of the curve. By doing so, you will give your child a huge advantage and a fantastic tool for life.

Teaching math to a baby, is best done by the use of flash cards, combined with “hands on” materials that a youngster can count.

Start with flash cards that have a number and big red dots on them. Start with the numeral 1 and one red dot. Advance to 2 and continue until 100. It is an amazing fact that a child can, with some practice, differentiate between a card with 98 dots and one with 99 without counting the dots!

Similarly to reading, you start with just several cards, and show them very quickly, while saying the number. Speed is of the essence! Don’t hold the cards up for a long time, leave each card up for a very short period of time! This whole procedure should take only a few second, and you could repeat it several times a day. Keep the cards handy, and show them at any time you get a chance. After you have showed the cards to your child several times, you can start adding a card every day until you get to 10 cards, and then start adding a card and eliminating a card every day. In this phase you are showing 10 cards every time, but each day you add a number, and eliminate a number.

In parallel, when you play with your child, you can help counting. For example, you can show a block, and say, “One block”, and then 2 blocks, and say, “two block”. Take every opportunity you have, to count. You can count toys, glasses, cups, books, anything that handle during the day, you can count.

After you have showed all the cards, 1 to 100, you can start a new phase:

Don’t stop showing the number cards. Until now, you have showed the cards in order. 1 to 10, then 2 to 11, and so forth. Now you can take random number cards and show them to your child, with no particular order. At the same time, you can start using the addition cards. Start with a card that shows that one dot + one dot = two dots. On the


- - 83

card, you should have the dots with the signs of + and = in-between. On top, you can have 1 + 1 = 2. And so forth : 1 + 2 = 3, 1 + 3 = 4 … and so forth. Start showing these cards to your child, saying; “one plus one equals two”. Again – start with 4 cards, increase to 10 cards, and then start adding one card and eliminating one card each day. Be sure to show the cards very fast!

In parallel, teach your child addition using the objects that you have counted before. Now you can give your child two blocks, and say, “one block plus one block equals two blocks”. And so forth. You can do this much slower!

When we are showing flash cards to our child, we are making use of the right brain. We have to do this fast, so that the right brain absorbs the information, without engaging the left brain, the logic, in the action. When we are counting or performing mathematical functions on “hands on” materials, we are engaging the left brain, the analytical part. In this case, we are taking time for our child to understand the material logically. In this way, we are providing a “whole brain” education.

When you are done with the addition, you can advance to subtraction, again, showing the cards in order. Then, you can start mixing addition and subtraction cards, and also mix them when you are showing those functions using anything that you can count.

From here on – your way is paved. Now you are an experienced math teacher. You know what works! Go on, show multiplication, division, fractions. You can try decimal points, and whatever interesting concepts you can find.

One very helpful method is playing games. If your child is a toddler, you can make up songs with math equations. For example, you can choose a popular song that your child likes, and march to it’s tempo, singing, “one plus one equals two, one plus two equals three” … and so forth. This takes advantage of different learning styles, engages the auditory memory, the tempo in the song, and if you both dance or march to the song, you are engaging additional learning styles. It helps to laugh and be light hearted, to enjoy the experience.

When Eric was in elementary school, he tended to have frequent colds. When he had a cold, or stayed at home from school, I had to keep him busy. I used to make up some “math cards” with math exercises on them. I put them in a pile in the middle of the table, face down. Each of us took a card and had to solve the math problem. Then we put it


- - 84

aside and took another one. Since Eric was very competitive, we used to keep score who solved more problems correctly, or who solved the problems faster. I always let him win, but that wasn’t very hard, he became extremely good, very, very fast.

Your child might not be so competitive, in this case don’t turn it into a competition, just play the game and have fun. Make sure to celebrate the game, celebrate every problem your child solved fast and correctly. It won’t harm to jump up and down, yell “bravo” and “hurray”, or whatever silly thing you can do to express your joy and appreciation.

A word about “word problems”. Word problems are great. They help your child understand the use of mathematics. I recommend starting as early as possible to use math in everyday life. For example, when you are walking in the street, you can count windows, buildings, cars, whatever. You can add – for example: on the first floor of the building there are 3 windows, and on the second 2, and the sum is 5. “Two windows plus three windows equals five”. Those are simple problems, but you can gradually advance to more complicated math operations. When it is the right time, start measuring. When you cook, show measurements. If doing a project in the house – measure! When sewing – measure! If you have a scale, show how to weigh things. Compare your weight to your child’s weight. Guess and estimate the weight of other family members (only the ones who don’t mind!). Then weigh them to see how close your estimates were. Use numbers and units as much as you can in everyday life.

One very interesting, enjoyable and useful area of math is Geometry. For Geometry, it is very useful to have a good 2D and 3D understanding, and visualization skills are very helpful. This is something you can practice early on! Teach your child the shapes. You can use paper cutouts, for example, or again – flash cards. Show your child a triangle, a square, a circle… advance to 3D shapes, like a pyramid, a cube, and so forth. Talk about angles. Even a very young child, at the age of 2 or 3, can understand the basics of Geometry. You can put the basic equations on a flash card, and let your child see them very fast. They will sink into his memory easily and effortlessly. Then take the time to explain them logically.

Another great thing to do is to talk about math history. So much information is available on the Internet. Some info you can find in the library. Make sure you get some books about famous mathematicians, and the development of math. This can be really fascinating. Whether


- - 85

it seems interesting to you or not, it is you job to make it fascinating to your child. I don’t care if you are good in math or not, or if you got good grades in math in school or not. If you are working with your child, and both of you are enjoying, it might be a great opportunity for you to fall in love with math too. Find all the interesting info about the history of math, read about it, discuss it, enjoy it!

One day, we had a famous mathematician from the Weitzman Institute in Israel come to give a presentation about the practical uses of mathematics in medicine. It was fascinating. Of course, I took Eric to the lecture. He enjoyed it very much, and I did too. I have always liked math, even when I was a young child, but I had no idea that math has so many uses in practical areas.

Check at your local colleges, to see if there are any lectures of local mathematicians, or guest mathematicians about a subject your can enjoy. Local colleges have often lectures about interesting subjects, and often the public is invited. If your child is ready to listen to a lecture, take him! You can do some research about the subject ahead of time, or after the lecture. Even if your child doesn’t understand the details of the lecture, he will get some background knowledge from it. I hope this gave you some good ideas. Once you start, you will come up with many new ideas – follow up on them! Take every opportunity to teach your child math – and it will pay off. One more important note I’d like to mention. I have mentioned in other places in this book, a fantastic program that Stanford provides, named EPGY (Educational Program for Gifted Youth). When Eric was in 3rd grade, the school had provided a flyer about this program. They have just started then working with younger children. Their youngest students were in 3rd grade. However, as time progressed, they have added many great programs. This is a distance learning program that is available for children and students all over the world! I can recommend this program whole heartedly! Check it out, and see if your child could benefit from it too.


- - 86

How to Build an Abacus by Mr. Edward Barinque

In modern research it has been shown that people who use the abacus to perform mathematical calculations are using their right brain hemisphere simultaneously to the left. This is unusual! When using an abacus, the user is utilizing his visual discrimination in concert with the analytical skills. It is very advantageous, when teaching a child math, to use the abacus to demonstrate the use of it. Following are the instructions of how to build an abacus.

This is taken from the following web site: http://www.geocities.com/learner_center/abacus.html with permission.

Materials needed:


- - 87

• 9 Popsicle (craft) sticks

• 12” wooden dowels, 1/8” diameter

• plastic pony craft beads

• glue

Estimated time to make is approximately 1 hour.

Procedures: 1. Cut a single dowel into three pieces, each piece measuring approximately 4 inches. The number of wooden dowels you use depends on how many place values you want on to be your abacus. I usually have my students make four pieces, for four place values. (The abacus in the picture has eight place values - that’s to say, it can handle eight digits - up to 99,999,999.)

2. Place the tips of the cut dowels on one Popsicle stick, centered and equidistant from each other. Mark their places with a pencil mark.

3. Squeeze lines of glue over the pencil marks. Carefully place the dowel tips onto the glue. Make sure that they’re at right angles! 4. After the dowel tips dry, thread two pony beads on each dowel. These will be your “Heaven beads”. 5. Place a second Popsicle stick underneath the dowels about ¾” down from the first Popsicle stick. This will serve as the center bar, which separates the “Heaven” beads from the “Earth” beads. Mark the dowel positions with pencil marks and squeeze glue lines over these. Glue the dowels onto this stick. Be careful to not let any beads slide toward this stick and accidentally get glued to it. 6. After the glue on the second Popsicle stick has dried, thread five beads on each dowel. These will be your “Earth” beads. 7. Place a third Popsicle stick underneath and at the tips of the dowels. Repeat the gluing procedures as stated above.


- - 88

8. After the glue has dried, get three more Popsicle sticks. Line up a Popsicle stick over

each of the three you glued the wooden dowels to. Eye it to make sure they’re positioned properly. Next, glue these sticks down where you placed them earlier. 9. Take three more Popsicle sticks. Glue these directly onto the three you glued in step 8. You’re now looking at the back of your abacus. You’ll see that these extra sticks lift the abacus off the table so the beads don’t rub against it during use. 10. Flip the abacus over. Congratulations! Enjoy your abacus!

On the wonderful web site: http://werwolf.ee.ryerson.ca:8080/~elf/abacus/index.html you can find information about how to use an abacus. There is even a java applet that shows you visually how it works. Show your child how to work with an abacus, and do some exercises with him. You both will enjoy it, as well as learn from it. From working with an abacus, your child will get a tactile experience working with numbers. (You will be surprised, but even a toddler can benefit from this activity, and use the abacus more as he learns more concepts in Math).

There are numerous abacus toys on the market. Although they are good toys, the best option is to build one as described above, or to purchase a “real” abacus, so that you have the ability to actually calculate using your abacus. From it you can derive many hours of play and learning.

General Knowledge – Super Important

I can’t tell you enough how important general knowledge is. It really separates an ignorant person from a well educated one. It is always shocking to me, when I speak with a person who seems to be quite


- - 89

intelligent, but in conversation exposes lack of knowledge in a basic concept.

Here, in the US, students learn in school about American history, American culture and American geography. I find many people to be ignorant in world history and world geography.

From observation of many highly gifted children, I can tell you that they have an amazing amount of general knowledge. I must admit that I didn’t directly work with my own kids on general knowledge, but from reading and through the wide variety of activities they were involved with, they surprise me time again and again with the vast amount of knowledge they have.

How to develop your child’s general knowledge?

Of course, the more your child reads, the wider his knowledge base is going to be. If your child starts reading early, in addition to the neural development, he will also increase the amount of general knowledge, by starting to read much earlier, and reading lots of books. If you make sure that your child’s reading speed is good, that he comprehends well and remembers well what he reads, you are making sure that your child can acquire a vast amount of knowledge.

It’s important to “cross reference” the material your child reads. For example, if he reads about an event in history, your can make sure he also gets knowledge about the geography of the countries involved, the culture and maybe other events that have happened around the same time frame. Another example: if your child reads a book about an animal, like a cat or a dog, your can provide information about the biology of this animal, what it eats, where it lives, how is it adapted to it’s environment, example of different or similar animals… in short – provide more reading material and more information that relates to the current material in some way.

For younger children, you can prepare flash cards with colorful, vibrant or interesting flash cards that include a number of facts about the picture on the reverse side. You can show the flash cards and mention one of the facts. Mention the same type of fact for all the cards in your pile, then move to the second fact and so forth. You can prepare a wide number of flash cards by taking pictures out of old books or magazines. For example, it would be relatively easy to make flash


- - 90

cards from a magazine about astronomy, and sort the facts into groups. If you check the NASA site or visit NASA’s store, you will find a variety of colorful and interesting picture in a fascinating subject.

When working with flash cards, you can also try the “Whole Brain” method. Find or make flash cards in different subjects, and let your child flip through them as fast as he can. Similarly to photographic reading, your child will absorb vast amounts of information, that will come up into his mind when he needs them.

Obviously, the more time you spend with your child on general knowledge – reading books, exploring the world around you, showing flash cards – the more educated your child will become. The more books your child reads (the quality of his reading material also makes a difference) – the more general knowledge he will have. Watching videos and television is also helpful. There are excellent programs on educational television and on videos (check our resource page on http://www.all-gifted-children.com ). Nowadays, it is so easy to find information on the Internet! If your child is reading at his computer, this information is available to him. Otherwise you can print this information and make flash cards, or simply read it to your child, or read it with him.

Teach Your Baby to Swim The benefits from teaching your child to swim are many. It strengthens the lungs, it improves coordination, it brings more oxygen to the brain, it increases intelligence. I have recently read about a phenomena named the “Diver’s Effect”. Evidently, when a person learns to swim under water, and trains himself to do that for longer and longer periods of time, it has a great effect on the brain, and increases IQ. The explanation I’ve heard for it was that it increases the capacity of the lungs, therefore increasing the amount of oxygen that streams to the brain, thus increasing intelligence. I don’t know if this was proven scientifically, but this effect has been observed, and you as a parent can take advantage of it. As you know, the fetus in the womb is surrounded by water. That is probably the reason infants feel very comfortable in warm (not hot)


- - 91

water. You know that often when a baby is cranky, you can sooth it by giving it a warm, relaxing bath.

When you take a newborn baby, and submerge it in water, it will usually not react with fear. It feels quite natural for a newborn to be submerged in water, as long as the water is the right temperature.

If you want to train your baby to swim, you have to make sure that the water is very clean, so the baby doesn’t get exposed to bacteria and disease causing elements. You have to make sure that the water is warm, to keep the baby’s body temperature in a healthy range. It is a good idea to get your pediatrician’s permission before you start this activity.

If you work with a newborn, it is a good idea to start in your own bathtub. A standard size bathtub is an appropriate size “pool” for a newborn. Make sure there is no soap in the water.

It is natural and easy to teach a baby to swim, by taking advantage of a natural reaction babies have: when you blow on their face, they hold their breath.

At the beginning, just acquaint your child with the water, and make sure your child associates the water with having a good experience. It would work best if you get in the water with your baby, and hold your baby’s face close to your face. Never leave a young child in the water unattended! A child can drown in just a few inches of water! I repeat: never put a child in the water without being there with him! Watch your baby carefully to notice any reactions of fear or discomfort. Start submerging your baby in the water, slowly and gradually, feet first. If the baby reacts by crying or showing any other signs of discomfort, stop what you are doing. Check the water temperature. If the water is too cold or too warm, your baby won’t like it!

If your baby is not showing any signs of discomfort, make sure you play with it in the water for a while, and make sure it is enjoying this time with you, in the water. If the baby is enjoying this, keep submerging it until most of its body is in the water. This is good enough for the first time.

After doing this several times, your child will feel quite comfortable in the water, and consider this time with you a fun, relaxed and pleasant activity. Now it is time to submerge your child’s mouth in the water. Most babies will not mind this at all. Do this for a very short time at


- - 92

first, and let your child get used to the feeling of having part of his face in the water.

When you get to this point, when your child is relaxed and enjoys being in the water, is familiar with the feeling of being submerged in the water, and feeling comfortable with his mouth in the water, you count aloud, “one, two, three”, then blow on his face, and watch to see his reaction. You will notice that your child is closing his eyes and holding his breath. Do it again, and submerge your child’s mouth and nose, just for a “very short” second, in the water. Chances are that your child will not mind this at all. It is important that you praise your child, that you laugh, that you make it clear to him that this is a game, and it is fun. If you feel comfortable and your child feels comfortable, you can repeat this activity several times, just submerging his mouth and nose in the water for a very short period of time.

As you repeat this activity, you’ll develop some confidence doing this (I must admit, the first time I submerged my newborn son in the bathwater, my heart skipped a beat). Your child also is learning what to expect when you count to three and blow on his face. Believe me, your child will learn very fast what to do when you count and blow: he will start holding his breath automatically.

From here on, you keep counting, blowing, and submerging, a little bit deeper each time, very slowly and gradually.

At some point in time, this will become a predictable, fun game. Your child will come out of the water laughing and you will know that he is enjoying this, and you’ll have the confidence necessary for the next step - letting go of him in the water.

It is important to bear in mind that babies cannot come up for a breath by themselves. As you know, the head of a baby is very heavy in comparison to the rest of the body, and his neck muscles are not strong enough yet to pull his face out of the water and take a breath. So he is completely dependent on you to help him pull his head out of the water so he can take a breath.

But at this point, all you need to do is count, blow, and submerge – letting go for just a split second. Make sure your child is not frightened, or startled in any way. Pick your child up, hold him next to you, laugh and praise him for his achievements – your child is on his way to learning how to swim, and that is a reason to celebrate!

If everything goes as planned, if your child is comfortable and happy in the water, you can slowly and gradually increase the amount of time


- - 93

you let him float in the water, but remember to pick him up and let him breathe. You will notice that your child is kicking his legs and advancing in the water, most likely with open eyes.

If you have worked with your baby in the bath tub until now, this is wonderful. Now your baby is ready for the swimming pool. Again, the water in the swimming pool has to be clean, and at the right temperature. A public swimming pool is probably not a good choice for a newborn or for a very young baby. When my daughter Tammy was about 5 months old, I started taking her to the public swimming pool. The water was kept quite clean, but the temperature was somewhat low for a baby. Tammy didn’t mind that, so it worked out for her. However, I know for a fact that this temperature would not have worked out for Eric when he was at the same age, since he was much more sensitive to cold temperatures. If you have access to a private swimming pool, that is great. If you don’t, you may be able to find a swim school that specializes in babies. These places keep the water clean, and the temperature appropriate for babies.

When you have gotten to this point, the next step is to release your child in the water, make a small step backwards, and let your baby propel his way towards you. Little children naturally swim “doggie swim” and this is fine. At this stage of the game, they do not need to learn any specific swimming style. After your child is used to doing this, you can pick his chin up, let him take a breath and then again – count, blow and put him back in the water. Take a small step backwards. Your child is now swimming!

It will take a while until your child learns to breathe on his own in the water. Usually, children start lifting their face out of the water to breathe between the age of 2 and 3, depending on the strength of their neck muscles and the weight and size of their head. My son, however, did not discover how to breathe until he was much older. By the age of 2, he was so adept at swimming that he could swim the length of our pool underwater, and never faced the need to come up for a breath. I tried showing him how to breathe - I tried to tell him to take a breath, but he simply did not need it, and therefore did not do it.

At this point of time, you can start teaching your child to swim from you to the side of the swimming pool, or to swim from you to another person. Also, let him hold on to the side of the swimming pool, and call him to swim to you. Next, you can teach your child to dive from the side of the pool. You can invent games, for example submerge some


- - 94

toys and let your child retrieve them from the water. Always be careful and watch your child for any sign of problems. Be right next to your child all the time, so you can reach him in a heartbeat. Make sure to help him pull his head out, to take a breath when he needs it.

Even if your child is “like a fish in the water”, never leave him in the water alone, don’t take your eyes off him – not even for a second! Don’t ever leave your child unattended around a body of water, even if he isn’t in the water.

It is a good idea to let your child jump into the water once or twice with his clothes on, and his shoes on too. (Use old shoes you do not mind ruining!) This is a very good exercise, since when children fall into the water, the surprise causes them to “lose their cool” and drown. Familiarizing your child with the experience of “falling” into the water will make him more likely to keep his cool and swim to the side if he ever falls into the water with his clothes on.

From now on, your child will naturally learn how to take a breath when his neck muscles are strong enough. His muscles will become stronger, his lungs will become stronger. You can always tell the swimmers from the other kids, because they are built nicely, have wide and strong shoulders and nice firm arm muscles.

When your child is ready, you can start showing him how to swim Free style, and after he masters the Free style, you can teach Breast, Butterfly, Back, all the popular swim styles you’d like.

When your child is safe enough in the water, you can also start training him to swim under water, to take advantage of the “Diver’s Effect”.


- - 95

Gymnastics and Gross Motor Coordination

It is very important to make sure that your child is doing physical activity, as well as academics. Physical activity will improve coordination, improve health and strength, and develop your child’s brain too.

For a young baby, the best way to start is using a gymnastic ball. You can use the same size ball many people use for exercise for adults. The trick with using the ball is starting very slowly. You put your baby on the ball, lying on it’s tummy, or sitting, while supporting the baby. When your child is lying on his tummy on the ball, he will start using his neck muscles to raise his head. This strengthens the neck muscles, back, and arms. Start moving the ball very slowly. Your child will feel unsettled at the beginning, so provide ample of support. When you start moving the ball very slowly, your child will start using his muscles to balance his body. After your child feel comfortable on the ball, you can start moving the ball in bigger motions, and reduce the amount of support you provide. Always make sure your child is safe. At the end, you will just hold the child’s hands, and let the child balance his body as you are moving the ball.

As a continuation, for kids older than a year, you can let your child lay his hands on the floor, on a towel, while his feet are supported by the ball. This will look similar to a head stand for younger children, and as a handstand for slightly older children. Move the ball very slightly, and let your child use his arms to support his body. Start with short periods of time, you may increase the length of time you let your child do it, after you have done this several times, and you know how long your child can do this without being uncomfortable. This exercise is very beneficial. It strengthens the arms and shoulders, the back muscles, and also increases blood flow to the brain. It improves the sense of balance, too. Here in the United States, kiddy gymnastics schools are very popular. These are exercise classes for babies and toddlers. There are classes


- - 96

where the children are accompanied by the parent, other classes teach the children alone. Here the exercise is often done with musical accompaniment, and the children have lots of fun. Those are great. For older children, head stand and hand stand are fabulous exercises to learn and practice. Tumbling is a great skill your child can learn at a gym class at a gym club. A word about gym and tumbling classes: I definitely encourage gym classes, but you have to be involved and make sure that your child is safe, and not pushed too hard. My daughter loved gymnastics from a very young age, and I enrolled her in a gymnastics class at the young age of 4. The other kids were at least 6, so the teachers were especially gentle with my little one, and careful. However, when she was in elementary school She “graduated” to a different gym school. This school was based on a very ambitious program, designed to find the “talented” girls and prepare them for the Olympics. It was also based on the method of choosing few from a big number of girls. The teachers were very young, didn’t have training as teachers (they were gymnasts themselves) and didn’t know how to keep the children safe and how to avoid injuries. They have pushed the children to perform even if they had pain as a result of a strained muscle. Occasionally, when the children warmed up or worked on flexibility, a teacher would go to a child and bend their leg, or back, to help them stretch a muscle. Many gymnastics teachers seem to think that this practice is safe. In my opinion, this is very risky. The teacher who is stretching the child’s muscle does not feel the pain, the child does, so he lacks the most important tool to tell how far he can stretch the muscle safely. When you choose a gymnastics school for your child, observe the gym classes, and make sure the specific school employs experienced teachers, who are trained specifically as teachers. Teachers who know how to keep your child from getting injured, who treat your child with respect, who are careful not to push your child beyond their physical ability. (In this case it would be real pushing).

Dancing classes are wonderful, and all sports activities carried in schools are great, even though some of them are somewhat risky. Again, make sure the teacher is experienced and safety oriented. It is important to make sure the ball games are played during the cool


- - 97

hours in the summer, and plenty of water is available to your child, to avoid over heating and dehydrations. In addition to the common sports that are taught and practiced in school, there are some very beneficial activities that are taught in private, specific schools. Fencing, for example, is not widely practiced here in the US, but it is very beneficial. It trains your child to focus, increases response time, and improves coordination. If your child is not the “athletic type”, who likes to play Baseball, Football, Soccer or Basketball, try to enroll him in fencing classes. He might like it. Roller skating or ice skating are becoming very popular, and improve the sense of balance tremendously. Horseback riding, is a great activity. In addition to the riding itself, children learn how to take care of the horses, and learn responsibility. If you have access to these activities and the means to do it, please consider interesting your child in them, it can provide much enjoyment and development opportunities. If you have followed my advice in the “Teach Your Baby to Swim” chapter, your child will already swim when he is at school age. Keep it up! If possible, have him join a swim team, so that he can practice every day. You will see tremendous benefits over the year. Swimming is especially beneficial for children with Asthma. Doctors recommend swimming to children with Asthma, because of it’s strengthening effect on the lungs. I’ve heard that many of the Olympic swimmers started swimming after the doctor recommended taking up swimming because of Asthma.

Fun Activities While Increasing Intelligence

Research on the brain is still in progress. We already know some things about the brain, but much of it is still to be discovered. New things are discovered daily.

Much is being hypothesized about the connection between the right and the left hemispheres of the brain. The following activities have


- - 98

been observed to increase intelligence, improve hand-eye coordination, and strengthen the connection between the brain hemispheres. But above all - these activities are BIG FUN and improve the well- being of your child. In addition - your child will enjoy big popularity among his friends, and that is the “icing on the cake”.

Balancing Ball: For very young babies and for toddlers, you can start developing a sense of balance, using a balancing ball. You can use a big, somewhat soft, ball. An exercise ball like the ones that are used in gyms everywhere nowadays are appropriate, but make sure that it is soft and doesn’t cause any discomfort to the baby. You can lay the baby on the ball, or hold him in a sitting position, and while holding him gently start rolling the ball in different directions. You will notice that your baby is adjusting his body to keep balance on the ball. Be as gentle as needed for the child’s safety and comfort. You can increase the movement as the baby gets stronger and his muscles get stronger. This will help with coordination, balance and strength.

For older children, you can move on to standing on the ball while balancing, and gradually into walking while rolling the ball first forwards and then backwards. This will take some practice, and for safety reasons hold your child’s hand and support him first, until he becomes very adept at this. Also start with a smaller ball.

Juggling: This activity is such fun! By practicing, your child can improve and learn new tricks for many years to come. There are juggling clubs all over the place, where people meet on the weekend to juggle, learn new tricks and pass the names of clubs to others. I am sure you can find a club in your area.

My son started juggling after visiting a juggling store that we passed by on our way to his chess club. We went in, and talked with the owner who - of course - was an enthusiast in juggling and all the other circus arts. He was more than ready to show my son how to learn how to juggle, and we bought juggling balls and clubs (not really cheap). This little juggling bug had bitten my son, and he is still an avid juggler. Juggling and all the circus arts he has mastered have brought him many hours of pleasure, helped him make many friends, and made him very popular in summer camps and other occasions.

You can juggle balls, clubs, oranges and everything in between. You can juggle two balls or six balls, two clubs or six clubs, and maybe


- - 99

even more. You can team up with a group of jugglers and fling the clubs around amongst the other players. You can juggle standing on the ground, balancing on a ball or on a unicycle. It is a wonderful activity. (If you want to see a pretty good demonstration of how to juggle three balls, go to www.acm.uiuc.edu/webmonkeys/juggling/).

It is not really easy to start juggling, and takes some patience, but it is worth the effort. At University of California Berkeley, the juggling club has many members from the Math department, students to professors.

You can start teaching your child and practicing at home with three soft objects at the appropriate size for your child’s hands. Learn to throw one ball in the air and catch it with the other hand, then practice throwing two balls from both hands, and catching them with the other hand. And then, after your child is very comfortable with that, add the third ball.

Lots of people learned to juggle from Juggling for the Complete Klutz. It’s well written, funny, comes with three beanbags, and lists for about eleven dollars (in 2005).

I can’t tell you at what age your child is ready to do this. You have to try and see if your child is interested. The best way to start, of course, is taking your child to see other jugglers, and if your child shows interest and motivation, you can start teaching him the basics. Have patience, and make sure your child does not get frustrated if he doesn’t succeed immediately. This does take some patience and time.

Roller skating: I believe that learning to balance early in life has great value. When I was growing up, there was no roller skating or ice skating where I lived. Since I grew up in a city, I learned how to ride a bike later than most kids nowadays: I was about 10. I have never become a good bike rider; I can do it, but I don’t feel comfortable riding, and panic when I hear a car behind me. It is very recommended to get your child involved with activities that teach how to balance, and I will mention a few options.

Here in the Silicon Valley where we live, there are many skating rinks that have special sessions for the younger kids. Shortly after my son started walking, I was already taking him to roller skating sessions. They had young people (teenagers) who worked with the kids. They


- - 100

were very good with the kids, friendly and up-beat. The parents could be with the child on the rink. It was OK to wear regular shoes, if the parent was not interested in skating (I can’t skate). The kids had great fun! There always was a lesson, which started with teaching the kids how to start, how to stop, and how to get up if they fell. Then there was music and dances, and the kids got some time to just practice and skate around the rink at their own pace. Check if you have a skating rink in your vicinity, and if they have classes for the little ones. If they don’t, suggest it to them - they might adopt the idea.

Bicycle, unicycle: Most kids I know can ride a bike. It is considered a part of childhood here in the US and around the world. You can start teaching your child how to ride a bike at a very early age, and the earlier the better. Riding a unicycle is an entirely different thing; even so, it’s a wonderful thing to learn! It is a superb way to gain this sense of balance that is so beneficial, and you learn it for life! Riding a unicycle is a great exercise. It uses muscles you usually do not use, and it is great fun. It is a unique skill that your child can show off and enjoy. An additional advantage is this: riding a unicycle is far less dangerous than riding a bike. If you live in a busy area, you know how dangerous it is to ride a bike. I never wanted my kids to ride a bike; I was worried about their safety. My daughter was brought home one day by two high school girls. Evidently, she was riding her bike and she fell. The girls decided to bring her home to make sure that she was all right. Thank God, she did not break her leg, but she did have a sprain and was in a lot of pain. When you’re riding a unicycle and you lose your balance, you’ll end up in a standing position, you won’t fall over (if the unicycle is the right size). Also, in many cities and countries, the unicycle is not considered a vehicle, and it is permitted to ride it on the sidewalk. The chances of hitting an innocent pedestrian are minimal. Let’s just say that when my son is riding his unicycle on the sidewalk, I am much less worried than when he rides his bike.

There are many other circus arts and fun skills that develop a sense of balance and coordination, and contribute to this all-important connection between the right and the left brain hemispheres. But if you start with the ones that I have just mentioned, your child will benefit on many levels. They are fun, they’re beneficial, and all around just great! Use the safety precautions necessary, have your child wear the right protective gear (helmet is important), and have fun, fun, fun!


- - 101

Learning to Apply Information

There are many definitions of intelligence, but the one I learned in high school claimed that intelligence in nature is the ability of an animal or a human to use the information they have acquired.

I have also read about the idea that there are several levels of learning. The lowest level of learning is just memorizing the material and being able to “regurgitate” it in the same way that it was presented, and the highest levels of learning are the those that use the material in other contexts, or that build on top of the material learned.

If you teach your child about addition, and he immediately understands the concept of subtraction; or if you teach your child about the structure of the dinosaurs’ teeth in relation to their food, and he looks at your pet and tries to guess the structure of their teeth, based on their food: then your child is employing the highest levels of learning.

Well - you don’t need to wait for your child to develop that level of learning by himself. You can develop this habit and way of thinking on purpose. Here are some examples:

If you have a baby, and you are looking for books to read to or with your baby, choose several books with related subjects. For example, if you have a book that tells a story about an animal (a bear, a duck, a platypus - whatever animals often appear in children’s books), look for another book that gives different information about the same animal. The child will associate the information in one book with the information in the other book.

For school age children: if you are helping your child with math, always find a use for the concept you are learning. For example: addition. Tell a story that demonstrates the use of addition: for example: “John went to the store to buy candy. He bought one bar of Snickers that cost him one dollar and a bag of Chocolate Kisses that cost two dollars. How much did he spend?” Or, if you’re helping your child with history, and the discussion is about a certain place, pull out


- - 102

a map and show him exactly where the place is, and help him learn something about its geography.

You don’t have to wait for your child to do some activity at school; you can do this anytime. Whenever you discuss something, or observe something that catches your attention, when you get the chance - find a piece of information about that subject in the encyclopedia. For example, you have taken your child to visit a friend, and you have heard that one of the friend’s parents is a lawyer. When you come home, find a story about a famous lawyer, or some other bit of information about lawyers. Remind your child that the friend’s parent is a lawyer, just like in the story.

In this way, you are developing in your child the habit of looking for a way to apply the information they acquire, to look for the association between different bits of information, to relate their knowledge to other fields and subjects.

This is true intelligence.

It’s Time To Go To School

Congratulations! Your child is going to school next year. I bet you are excited, and your child should be extremely excited about going to school, being "a big boy" (or girl, please forgive me for using "boy" for both sexes).

This exciting time is often accompanied by a few considerations and decisions you have to make. One of the main questions parents ask, is "How do I know if my child is ready?" I often hear parents say that they think their child is still very childish. OK, but at the tender age of 5 or even 6, what child isn't childish? You can't expect a child of this age to be anything but childish. "So how do I know? ", you ask.


- - 103

It's an important question. You don't want to make a mistake. You don't want to hold your child back, if he is ready. But you don't want to send your child to school, if he is not ready yet.

I've heard many mothers say that they kept their child back a year, and they are very happy they have done so. Mothers will say that they kept their child one year longer in Kindergarten, or let their child go to Kindergarten one year later, and found out that their child was more mature, and had an easier time achieving success.

Every child is different. So you, the parent, have to use your common sense and best judgment.. Nobody knows your child better than you, and you are the only person who gets to decide. It is your right, and your responsibility.

I'd like to share a little bit of my experience. Since my opinion in this matter is not the popular one, I recommend that you hear what I have to say, give it serious consideration, and then decide, based on your own judgment and common sense.

My sister and I (we are twins) were born at the end of December. We started going to day-care/Kindergarten at age three and at the age of 5 (after 2 years) my mother decided that we are ready to start 1st grade. (School then started with 1st grade, Kindergarten was not included).

The cut-off date was in September, but the secretary has not put up a big argument, and just enrolled us in school. My mother did not take us with her, so the secretary could not see us. This helped, since both of us (we are identical twins) were very small, and at age 5 we still looked like three year old babies.

In spite of the fact that we looked younger than all other kids (we were almost 2 years younger than some kids, and looked much younger than our age), we had no problems socially, had many friends and enjoyed our school years. We had no problems with the materials taught. On the contrary, both of us were ways ahead, earning top grades.

There was only one problem: the school had no special program for gifted or advanced children, and the teaching in school was ways too slow for me. (I think it was the case for my sister too, but I am the one who caused a bigger problem). I was always bored in class, and as a result used to chat with the kids around me, causing the teachers a major annoyance.


- - 104

I remember that one day my mother was invited to meet with the history teacher, who complained that I am laughing in his class. My mother, who was tired of hearing the teachers' complaints told him that the more I laugh the happier she is. "I have a happy child", she said to the teacher. "May God keep her happy throughout her life".

As opposed to many other kids, who are bored in the classroom, this situation has not developed into a big problem for me. Using my sense of humor, I just kept having a good time in school, and despite some complaints, the teachers were happy to put up with me.

The fact that my experience in school did not develop into a problem, was just a lucky coincidence, that was a result of the specific environment I was put in: loving, warm and understanding teachers and parents who were good communicators. I suppose the fact that we were so small and kind of cute did not hurt either.

I was lucky, but thousands of kids (if not more) every year suffer in school and create serious behavioral problems. The reason? They have active minds, and they are bored. As we have discussed before, many of them get wrongly diagnosed with ADD, and put on medication. Some get labeled as "special education" cases, and suffer a permanent injury to their self esteem.

Everybody thinks that putting a child that is not ready yet into school, will cause the child some suffering. Please, consider that the opposite is also true. Putting a child into an environment that does not challenge him intellectually, or even worse - bores him, causes the child real suffering. And I can attest to that.

Often parents ask the following question, when their children are advanced, academically. "Should my child skip a grade?" Teachers often advise against this practice. Teachers think that your child, being the youngest after skipping a grade, will not have the same emotional maturity as his peers, or the same interests (members of the opposite sex, for example, at a certain age) as his peers, and will suffer socially. I can appreciate their concern, but I can't say that I agree. According to my experience, in every classroom there are children of different ages and different levels of development. Your child will find the friends who are compatible with him. It is important that your child will be challenged and will get his educational needs met.

A very important suggestion I have for parents of all kids in school: be involved with school as much as possible. Volunteer your time, if your schedule allows it. Go into the classroom when you drop your child off


- - 105

or pick him up. See what is being done in the classroom, look at other children's work, to see if your child measures up. Talk with your child's teacher as often as possible. Call the school, talk to the teacher on the phone, if you can't spare the time to go there.

Many parents assume that if there was a problem with their children, the teacher would notify them. You can't assume that. The teacher might have different expectations of your child than you have. The teacher might not consider the situation as a problem, but you want to know as soon as possible if your child falls behind on any of his assignments or skills. When you know about things like this early, you can work with your child to catch up, before it becomes a problem.

Make sure you know what the homework is. Asking your child if he completed his homework is not enough. Look at the quality of work, know what your child is studying in school. Know what quality of work is expected of him at his grade level. Don't be afraid to help with homework. I don't suggest that you do the homework for your child. Work with your child, assist your child. Don't forget to celebrate successes and achievements, and praise your child for every honest effort. Try, if you can, to turn working with your child on homework into a fun experience.

You probably have noticed that children are brilliant at the subjects they really like. If your child enjoys learning, he will always succeed in school. Make sure that nobody ever spoils your child's enjoyment of learning. Please keep this in mind, throughout your child's school years.

Since you want your child to excel, provide your child with supplemental material. For example, you can plan a fun trip to a museum that shows exhibits that are related to the material your child is learning about. You can visit places your child is learning about in History. Find a movie related to a subject your child learned in school. Show your child how to research a subject on the Internet. Talk with your child about the material he learned in school, ask questions that will encourage your child to think about the material. If your child likes art, you can provide art materials (for example, water color and brushes) and spend some time with your child, creating a masterpiece that is related to the material your child learned about. Above all, make these activities fun, fun, fun.

I advise parents to find out from the school staff, what special programs the school offers for the gifted and talented. Find out if the school district has a special program. You have to be proactive on this.


- - 106

Call the school district's office, be informed. Often parents are not informed about these special programs, and their children miss out. Don't wait for your teacher to suggest it, ask about it, make sure you know about any special program, and pursue anything that is available. Some schools and school districts offer seminars and special classes, and you want to make sure that your child is included. Find out early what the requirements are, so that you can help your child meet them. Talk to your child's teacher. Sometimes the teacher's recommendation is all that is needed. If the teacher doesn't know that you are interested, he might not recommend it.

The elementary school district Eric went to, had a special program for the gifted. They had excellent seminars on various subjects. Once a trimester, a list of seminars was sent out to parents, for them to choose and sign up. I have figured out a system, to make sure that Eric gets into the seminars of his choice: the day the list came home, I immediately helped Eric make his choices and fill out the registration form. Then I hopped into my car, and drove to the school district's offices, I walked in and hand delivered out registration forms. Our registration form was always the first one to get there (the other parents have sent it in by mail) and Eric was never disappointed. Some times you have to be creative, in order for your child to get into the most interesting programs!

Teach your child organizational skills and time management skills early. These things are not taught in school, and will make a big difference in your child's success. Even young children can learn organization. Buy your child an organizer as early as your child can handle it, and help them keep their organizer updated.

Another thing that is very useful: most schools will let you choose your child's teacher. Before the school year ends, find out who the teachers are your child may have the following school year. Interview them, ask questions. Ask for permission to visit their classrooms, and observe them. Talk with parents of kids who had them the year before. When you know your choice of a teacher, let the school know. Most schools try to accommodate parents' requests. Finding a teacher who shares your philosophies will help making the school year a smooth and satisfying one.

Talk with other parents often. Other parents are a wealth of information about what happens in the classroom. Find out what their kids tell them about school, how their kids feel about the school and


- - 107

the teachers. You might be surprised with the amount of information you get.

In summary, make sure that your child is not bored in school. Be active in your child's school, volunteer to help in the classroom, that gives you a valuable opportunity to see what your child is studying and how he interacts with his peers and with the teachers. Be in constant communication with your child's teacher. Make sure your child knows that his education is very important to you. Help your child with homework, know what he is doing and check his homework often. Provide supplemental materials and activities for active learning. Help your child remember the material by asking questions.

I wish your children lots of success and enjoyment in school, and you, the parents, satisfaction and pride in your children.

Health, Food and Nutrition Health is number 1. When a person is ill, doesn’t feel good, is bothered by physical discomfort, everything he does is affected by this feeling. If your child is not in tip-top shape, his brain will not function in tip-top shape either.

Two factors that you control are big contributors to your child’s physical condition: exercise and nutrition.

In previous generations, kids walked to school and from school, often running. When they came home from school, they ate a hearty meal, completed their homework and went out to play with their friends in the fresh air, jumping, running, playing ball.

Nowadays, things have changed significantly from the good old days. Children get far less exercise. The school yard is confined, the children go to and from it by bus, they still get to run around some, but not as much as they used to. Many children have a very hefty amount of work to do, so they spend far longer than they used to completing


- - 108

their homework, leaving much less time for play. In their free time, they often just watch television, or play electronic games.

Children are heavier than they used to be, and obesity is widespread.

I can’t stress enough how important it is for your child to be in good condition. If you child is not getting enough play, make sure he is getting enough physical exercise. There are many sports programs your child can participate in.

One of the most superior physical activities out there is swimming. In my opinion, swimming is just about the most beneficial activity children can take up. The chances for muscle and bone injuries are minimal. Swimming contributes to muscle strength, coordination, and above all – lung capacity. While swimming, there is plenty of oxygen supply to the body, the lungs and … the brain!

Swimming is beneficial in every age. Infants can be taught how to swim, and older children can practice swimming as participants of swimming teams. Teaching a child how to swim is also great for safely reasons.

Other beneficial physical activities are all kinds of sports, gymnastics, ball games, and games like jump rope, hopscotch and so forth.

Music - a Superior Tool for Brain Development

Whether you have high aspirations for your child in the area of music or not, learning and listening to music is highly advantageous for your child.

It is common for mothers of very young children to sing to them, in order to calm them at the end of the day, so that they go to sleep. Hymns and patriotic music are played on official occasions and at conventions to arouse patriotic feelings in people. Loud, fast music with a strong tempo is played at parties to motivate people to dance and “have fun”. “Romantic” type music is played in movies as accompaniment for romantic scenes.


- - 109

Music has the power to change our mood and affect us in ways no other tool can.

In addition to all that, and most important for our children, it has been shown in research and statistics that listening to music results in the creation of special neural connections in our brain, neural connections that increase our intelligence. There is a very interesting correlation between math and music, and it has been shown that people who are mathematically inclined are also talented in music. Learning musical theory is very enriching to a child, and listening and playing music is a superior tool for the development of the auditory memory.

Above all, when your child is learning music, he is achieving all this growth, while having fun and enjoying himself. Offer your child the opportunity to take music lessons, to choose his favorite instrument, and let him decide if and when he is interested. If he is not interested in the present moment, don’t forget to try again later, as your child might be ready to start then.

If you love music, or are interested in music yourself, why not sing or play with your child? It will bring you closer together, and strengthen the bond you have with your child forever! Music is an excellent tool to improve your relationship with your child, especially during the “difficult” teenager years.

Babies and Toddlers: Start with listening to music. If you have a newborn or a young baby, you can play classical music during the day, while you are busy with all your other activities. It is also good to play soft, classical music while the child is asleep. Another good time is while you are driving with your baby in the car. But don’t limit yourself just to classical music! Play children’s songs, sing to your child and with your child often. Another thing you can do is taking your child to concerts, maybe with a partner or a friend, and agree ahead of time that if the baby cries, one of you takes the baby out. See how it goes. You might have a baby that is naturally quiet in concerts. Another thing you can do is taking the baby to outdoor concerts. In most cities, during the summer there are free outdoor concerts of different styles of music. Those are excellent opportunities to expose babies and toddlers to different styles of music, while they can watch the players and the different instruments.


- - 110

Very young children can start learning to play a musical instrument. There are many teachers that are trained to work with babies, and the Suzuki method was specifically developed with the very young in mind. Make sure you find a teacher that understands children! Remember the story I told of how his teacher told off my two-year-old Eric for not sitting still for hours during a recital! The teacher we found later really knew how to engage Eric in the lessons, and how to adjust her lesson plan to his interests.

For parents who would like to find a suitable music teacher for their children in their area, here is a directory of music teachers: http://www.musicstaff.com/

School-aged Children: Because of the cost-cutting measures many school districts have taken, music is hardly taught in school any more. If your child has not taken any music lessons yet, make sure he is exposed to different kinds of music. One trick that worked for me was playing the classical music channel whenever we had to be in the car. Having a busy schedule, like most people nowadays, we spent a long time in the car, and I took the opportunity to play classical music from the radio or from CD’s.

A highly recommended activity that children love is learning to play an instrument “by ear”. This is an excellent method of strengthening the auditory discrimination of your child. This will have a profound effect on his learning ability. A good program for learning to play the guitar is provided by Jamorama. This program is an excellent place to start, until your child is ready to go to music lessons, or if it’s difficult for you to enroll your child in guitar lessons at the moment. Your child can use this program at the privacy of your own home; he will learn to play popular music, and maybe later will become interested in classical guitar.

Whether your child is taking music lessons or not, playing an instrument or not, make sure to provide ample opportunities to listen to music, and to watch other people playing a variety of instruments. When my son was about 13, he wanted to go to a concert of a popular band. We wanted to support him, and thought that it would be a great opportunity for us all to enjoy music together, so my husband and I bought three tickets to the concert. The music was so loud that we could not take it. As we left the concert hall, a savvy fan offered to give us some of those things that you put in your ears to block the


- - 111

noise. We went back in, and enjoyed the rest of the concert with our son, who was having a great time! In my son’s opinion, we were the coolest parents, making it possible for him to attend the concert, and enjoying the evening with him. You should expose your child to many types and styles of music, not just what he is naturally introduced to by his friends. Go to concerts together (even if the style of music is not your favorite).

Let your child listen to “oldies”; you never know, he might like them! Tell him stories about old singers, especially the singers that you like and admire.

Summary: Music is an excellent tool to increase your child’s intelligence and his auditory memory and discrimination, while enriching his enjoyment of life. It gives your child the opportunity to meet other children his age, participate in recitals and bands, and excel in one more area. It is advantageous for children of all ages, from infant to college students (and adults), and gives you, the parent, the opportunity to enjoy this activity with your children and strengthen your bond and friendship with them.

The King of Games - The Game of Kings

Many people still think that the game of chess is appropriate only for old people. In their mind’s eye, they see two elderly people sitting across from each other in the park, playing a game of chess. Well, it might sound surprising to you, but you can teach even a very young child to play! It has shown to be extremely beneficial for children of all ages to learn to play chess, and in addition, it is very entertaining. It is impossible to overstate how much value a child gets from playing chess.

When my son Eric was about 2 or 3, he showed interest in board games, so I asked my husband if he knew how to play chess. I didn’t know how myself at the time, but luckily he knew the basics, and volunteered to teach little Eric. Eric took to it immediately. One day, my husband and I walked into a computer store to buy a piece of hardware, and in the back room we saw a person sitting in front of the


- - 112

computer, playing chess. We started a conversation with him, and found out that he was a chess teacher. When we came home, we asked Eric if he would like us to find a teacher for him: he was very excited about it.

After some looking around and making some phone calls (now I know exactly who to call and where to look) we found a recent immigrant from Russia who was a gifted chess teacher. Some of his students had become very famous grandmasters. So we made an appointment with the teacher, and he played a game of chess with our little boy. He looked at us after the game and said, rather impressed: “he is making all the right moves, it is amazing”. Eric was 4 at the time, and the teacher took him on as a student.

Since then, chess has been a part of our life. It has enriched our lives a great deal. Thanks to chess, we have traveled and seen parts of the country and of the world that we would have never traveled to otherwise. Whenever we visited a new place, we always looked for a street corner or a coffee house where people might be playing chess, and always met interesting people and made new friends. There is always something new to learn; avid players spend a significant amount of time learning and practicing. Many people find enjoyment in participating in tournaments.

All over the country there are many chess clubs that encourage the participation of children, and many scholastic tournaments are taking place all the time. Players of all skill levels are encouraged to play in tournaments, and players of similar skill levels are paired to play with each other.

What will your child learn from playing chess?

• He will learn how to put together a plan, and follow up on it.

• He will learn to think out a few moves ahead of time, based on memory and imagination.

• He will learn how to concentrate.

• He will learn the difference between strategy and tactics.


- - 113

• He will learn to think before he acts, that every move has consequences.

• He will learn to play fair and be courteous.

• He will improve his visual memory and visual discrimination.

• He will learn how to follow the rules.

• He will learn to take responsibility.

• He will learn to have patience.

• He will develop his creativity.

There are so many more benefits to studying and playing chess that you will have to discover them for yourself.

When we started taking little Eric to a kids’ chess club, we met some kids that were highly gifted. I will never forget a little boy, 8 years old, who played a game of “blindfold” chess with the teacher, who was a master. (“Blindfold” means that the player is not looking at the board, and has to play the game out of memory). The little boy played a whole game that way and beat the master.

The most successful children were the ones who started very early: children who had an older sibling or a parent who played chess, and who had the opportunity to watch the game when they were babies.

If you have a baby, if possible let him watch people playing chess. Do you play? Wonderful! Let the baby watch. If you don’t play, find a chess club in your neighborhood, or a game in a park or a coffeehouse, and let the baby watch the games as long as he’s interested. Some babies will be fascinated and watch the game for a long time, some will watch just for a few minutes. No problem! Let the baby watch as long as he wants. Even a few minutes will do. Do it as often as possible.

At home, have a chessboard around, and occasionally just show the baby the different pieces, and mention their names. Do it a few times a day. This is a good start for a baby to get acquainted with the chess pieces.


- - 114

When your child is ready (and the parents know best!), you can show him how to move the pieces. A little bit a day will do. Make sure that the child spends some time around chess players and gets the opportunity to watch some games.

For school age children, the best thing to do is to sit with them, explain the game and play with them. (You can tickle their interest by explaining the term “checkmate” to them, and mentioning that it comes from the ancient Persian words that mean, “the king is dead!”) If you don’t enjoy chess or don’t know how to play, you can find a teacher, or a chess club that accommodates children.

Here is a special word about girls and chess: some of the best players are girls! Just look at the sisters Polgar, and many other female chess players. If you have a girl, encourage her to play chess; it is a most beneficial activity for girls as well as boys. (In 1988, at the 28th Olympiad, a Polish team including Szuzsa (Susie), Sofia, and Judit Polgar, aged 19, 14, and 12, defeated the heavily-favored Russian Women’s team. Chess has always been very popular in the former Soviet empire, important matches having been followed on TV and in the newspapers, and the Russians have a formidable list of Masters and Grand Masters, of both sexes and all ages).

There are many chess computer games on the market, from very affordable programs like Chess master up to very expensive software and dedicated chess computers. They are all fine, but remember - when your child plays with human beings, he learns much more and enjoys himself a lot more. It is a completely different experience. So take my advice, let your child play with other children, or even adults. Computer games can be a good addition.

A good place to start is the Chess Federation of your country. Here, in the US, we are lucky to have a very active Chess Federation, and many chess activities for young children. Here are some helpful links and resources:

www.uschess.org/beginners - Ten Tips for Winning Chess

http://www.uschess.org/ - The US Chess Federation

http://www.fide.com/ - The World Chess Federation


- - 115

Relaxation and Yoga for all Age Groups, and Parents Too.

What does relaxation have to do with genius and intelligence? A whole lot! As you know, when a person is tense and stressed out, creativity and learning are stifled and restricted. It is hard to believe, but children nowadays are as stressed as the adults in their life. It is not surprising if you consider that children, smart as they are, are excellent at detecting the mood of their parents and their state of mind. What family nowadays is completely free of hurry, stress and overload?

When you provide tools for relaxation to your children, you are benefiting them two-fold: you are helping them relax and therefore make it easier for them to enjoy life, to create and develop, and at the same time you are giving them tools to relieve stress that they can use for the rest of their lives. Try the tools that are suggested in this article and notice if you are feeling more relaxed too.

Babies: The most appropriate relaxation for babies is the baby massage. There are many methods recommended and used in different cultures. Massage in infants has to be very gentle. Remember - the goal here is not to invigorate! It is to calm, relax and sooth, and it is supposed to be very pleasant for the baby. Gentle and loving touching is essential for baby’s development and well-being.

In India, it is customary to massage children over a week old, every day, starting with one minute and increasing gradually to five minutes. A ball of very soft dough is used, dipped in Almond Oil.

Using your hands, you can start with a drop of Almond Oil, massaging the baby’s head very gently, and then massage the arms and the legs, in gentle long strokes, away from the body. Massage the arms gently away from the body and towards the fingers, paying attention to gently massaging the palm of the hand, and every little finger. Then you can move to the legs, in a similar way, paying attention to massage the feet gently. The belly can be massaged gently in round motion, clockwise. This is helpful for digestion and to sooth colicky


- - 116

babies. Don’t do this too soon after eating, wait for a few hours after a meal.

Playing soft, classical music during the massage also helps to relax the baby and the massage provider.

Age 2 to 5: Yoga - adapted for children - is very beneficial at this age. It helps children relax and develop a better awareness of their bodies. You start with a breathing exercise, which increases that amount of oxygen the child gets, improves the breathing habits of your child (all of us have developed a bad habit of shallow breathing), and increases the breathing awareness of your child. It will also increase concentration, a priceless benefit.

Balloon Breathing: Play soothing music of your choice or the child’s choice, and instruct your child to put his palms on his belly, on both sides of the navel. Tell your child to breath in through his nose, and think of his belly as a balloon, filling with air. Count to 4 (and increase it to 9 gradually, over time). Wait a minute, and tell your child to pay special attention to the point of time when the inhale turns into an exhale - just to be aware of it. Then empty the balloon, again, counting till 4. You can start with 3 times, and increase to 10 gradually. Do it with your child, it will be great for you too!

Blow the Candle: This one is fun! It will strengthen your child’s lungs, and increase your child’s control over his breathing. Have him put his hands on his belly again, and fill the “balloon” with air to the count of 4. Then hold a hand in front of him, or have him hold his own hand in front of him, and blow at it, as if it was a candle, 4 times, without breathing in. He can repeat this exercise 3 times, increasing gradually to 7.

Relaxation and Meditation. This activity is great for all age groups. Here, relaxing music is very important. While playing the music, have your child lay flat on his back, arms by his side, and feet at a small distance from each other. Have him pay attention to one muscle at a time, starting with the bottom of the feet, and ending with the scalp. Have him tense up, and then relax each muscle, one at a time. Have him close his eyes, then imagine himself walking on the beach. His feet feel the warm, deep sand he is walking on. Have him imagine hearing the seagulls, hearing the monotonous sound the waves are making, as they are moving back and forth. Have him feel the breeze


- - 117

on his skin and on his face, the pleasant and healing rays of gentle sun on his face. Smell the salty air. Involve all of the child’s senses. Do this only as long as you can keep the child’s attention. A good time to do this would be before the child goes to sleep in the evening. Many times your child will relax and go to sleep. If you want to include some affirmations, as were mentioned before, now would be an excellent time to include them. For example: for relaxation, you can say, “You are completely relaxed, calm and serene”.

If your children are older, you can prepare a recording of this for them, or have them prepare one for themselves in their own voice. This is a very valuable tool to have your child relaxed before tests or before events that make him tense or excited.

Headstand, handstand: This exercise is extremely beneficial. Yoga teachers claim this improves all senses, that it will improve eyesight and hearing as well as concentration and focusing. It is great for people all ages, but if you or your child are suffering from high blood pressure, you should avoid it. Children find it easy to do the headstand and handstand. After a short period of practicing, they will be able to this perfectly.

Start by leaning against a wall for handstand. You can help by holding your child’s legs, so that you make sure that he doesn’t fall on his head.

For headstand, have your child put his head on a folded towel, and his hands on both sides of the shoulders, forming a triangle with the head. Then, with careful control, lift his feet up until his legs and his body are straight. At the beginning, help your child by holding his legs, so that he feels safe and secure, and doesn’t fall over.

Teenagers and adolescents: This is the age group that is most affected by stress and pressure, but also the age group that is most difficult to relax! They tend to listen to fast and active music, which is not relaxing at all, and many of them won’t pay attention to you. It is not easy to improve their relaxation and well-being. The best thing that I have found that works for teenagers is to enroll them in swimming. Maybe you have access to a swim team, at school or in your neighborhood. Youngsters who participate on a swim team will be asked to practice every day, or several times a week. Swimming is a wonderful activity. It’s relaxing, it improves breathing and lung


- - 118

capacity, muscle strength and general health and fitness. As it improves lung capacity, it also improves the oxygen flow into the brain, thus helping with concentration and brain development. If your teenager is interested in Yoga, you can enroll him in a class.

How Can I Motivate My Child?

My son participated in the local science fair, and after winning first place in the event, was sent to participate in the California State Fair. In Los Angeles, thousands of children participated. Children and parents prepared for this event for a whole year, or even longer. Looking around me, I saw teams bringing in their huge project boards, excited parents accompanying their children and carrying their projects, an atmosphere of excitement everywhere. I felt honored just to be there and to observe my son participate.

After all the efforts that went into this event, now it was the time for the award ceremony. Many thousands of people - participants, parents and guests - were sitting in a stadium, watching. Now it was time for “our” category, Mathematics. First the “honorable mention” winner was called to the stage. Then - the 3rd place, 2nd place... and first place. It was my son’s name. Can you imagine how I felt? I think that I practically took off and floated in the air. I remember saying “It is a good feeling”. And people around me - congratulating me, participating in the joy: I heard one man say; “I bet it is!”

I will never forget that day.

This is a good example of what we want for our children and for ourselves. This wonderful feeling of accomplishment, satisfaction and pride But how do we achieve this? How do we get our children to apply themselves? How do we get our children to understand what actions they need to take now for their future success?


- - 119

How can I motivate my child? This is a question that I get frequently from parents all over the world.

Four key things contribute to our child’s motivation:

1. Importance and Inspiration: Your child has to have an inspiring goal in mind. One that your child feels is important for him to achieve.

2. Possibility: The child has to know and feel that it is possible for him to achieve the goal. If the child has doubts that he can achieve the goal, or thinks that it is impossible, there is little chance that he will work towards the goal and apply himself.

3. Acknowledgment, Appreciation, and Reward: It is easier to keep a child motivated when there’s a tangible reward. Knowing that achieving the goal will meet with a tangible form of acknowledgment, appreciation and reward, will add this extra drive.

4. Persistence. The route towards any worthwhile goal includes some minor setbacks and disappointments. The child needs to learn to get up, brush himself off, and get right back on the horse.

When a child knows that a goal is important, feels that it is possible for him to achieve it, and is offered an incentive to work towards, the chances are good that he will be motivated to put in the effort needed to achieve the goal. Add to it persistence, and the results are as good as guaranteed.

Importance and Inspiration:

As parents, we always want our child to work towards a goal that inspires him. Help your child see the possibilities. Help your child dream big.

Don’t wait until your child is in high school to start thinking about ways to achieve that. Would you like your child to get a good education, to succeed in school? Start early on. Encourage your child to do well in school. Tell your child stories about students who succeeded in school


- - 120

and the achievements that came as a result of this success. Explain what the advantages of getting a good education are. Why is it worth it to make great efforts to get a good education? The key is to get your child to see the opportunity for himself. If your child gets the idea that it is important for you that he gets a good education and succeeds in school, you have missed the mark. You want your child to understand why it is important for him to do all these things.

I always told my children: when you get education, when you study, you invest in yourself. In addition to the doors that will open to you as a result of getting education, you become more knowledgeable, more intelligent. You become wiser. YOU.

Make sure your child hangs out with friends who are successful in school. When your child is young, it is easy to choose his friends. Later your child will choose his friends on his own. In order to have some control over this, do your best to get your child into a good school, and in that good school, into the honors programs. Children have a tendency to adjust themselves to their environment, and if your child is in a good environment, meaning in a good program in school, where his friends are all kids who value education, he will adjust to that. Sometimes a healthy competition develops, which encourages the children to put in more effort. When I went to school, the good students, the students who are successful, were considered “cool”. Now, in some schools, I have seen good students being called “nerds”. The rough students, the ones that are into things outside of academics, are considered “cool”. Be careful: a child who grows in this environment, will not want to be a “nerd”. In this case, you will find yourself fighting this attitude, and there are chances that you will lose. Pay very close attention to the environment your child is in.

One tool that mothers have used throughout the ages is repetition. It is not enough to have one conversation with your child, explaining the value of applying himself. You have to put together a “plan of attack”. Prepare interesting reading material and movies about some role models. Provide biographies of people of great achievements. Research theater performances about role models, and take your child to watch them. Introduce successful people to your child. Do you have accomplished, educated people among your friends? Ask them to meet your child and talk about their success and how they achieved it. Have conversations with your child about his future, his goals, what he


- - 121

wants to be when he grows up. Repeat the idea you are trying to introduce to your child, in many different ways.

A word about girls: In today society, even here in the US, where we consider ourselves advanced, it is especially important to encourage a girl. If you happen to see around you women who are prominent successful and accomplished, ask them to talk to your child. I have recently attended a special event an African American women’s organization puts together every year, named “Respect Yourself”. I have met some outstanding, beautiful accomplished women who gave presentations at that event. One of the women was a neurosurgeon. The other was a doctor, holding a high position at Kaiser Permanente. There were lawyers, teachers, professionals who have decided to give back of their time, to encourage youth to succeed. In everyday life, if you find a person who has succeeded and holds a high position, ask them to take a few minutes of their time, to meet with your daughter. Make your daughter aware that she can be successful, and she can choose any profession she wants, whether it is in medicine, in sports, in law, in finance or in education.

Possibility:

How do we bring our child to believe in himself? We have already discussed self confidence (Confidence, the Deciding Factor). Affirmations are a very effective tool. Write down some affirmations that you think will best encourage and inspire your child. For example: “you are very smart and talented”. “You learn very fast”. “You have an excellent memory”. “You can do it”. It has been shown that affirmations are most effective when repeated three times. Choose one affirmation for a day and repeat it at least three times during the day. Can you get your partner to cooperate and do the same? The more people you can get to repeat the affirmation, the better the result. Have your child repeat the affirmation himself - at least three times.

Can you imagine how your child will feel, if he hears from everyone that day how smart and talented he is? Can you imagine the smile on his face? Do you think that there is any chance in the world, that he will not be encouraged?


- - 122

Acknowledgment, Appreciation, and Reward:

A close relative of the word “motivate” is “encourage”. What comes to your mind when you think of the word “encourage”? The thing that comes to my mind is praise. All of us, adults as well as children, respond well to praise, and feel encouraged when we receive it. If you want to encourage your child to succeed, praise him and celebrate every action towards the goal, every small achievement on the way to the goal. Most of us (including our kids) tend to be self-judgmental; in many cases we are our own worst critics. We criticize ourselves, and any small setback often seems like a serious failure. Your child will feel encouraged if his efforts are appreciated and his achievements acknowledged.

Praise on the way to achieving the goal is important. In addition, making sure that the child knows the rewards for achieving the goals will have a significant positive effect. Determining what the rewards are depends on you. You are the only one who can determine what is affordable, realistic for you, and very desirable for your child. The reward has to be age appropriate. In his article: Incentive Plans for Gifted, But Unmotivated Kids, Wayne Fujita has a few good suggestions. (http://www.all-gifted-children.com/articles.htm )

Persistence:

Persistence is to a great degree a learned trait. Our children need to learn persistence; they need to learn that if we suffer a set back, we don’t give up. Instead, we increase our efforts. Who can teach them that, if not us?

An effective tool to teach persistence is storytelling. Storytelling can take the form of a book, a movie, a discussion. There are many inspiring books and movies available about people who persisted and achieved against all odds. Keep your eyes open, and when you find an inspiring story, share it with your child.

Holding discussions with your child is also very effective. When your child suffers a temporary setback, it will help him if you can put it in


- - 123

perspective for him. Knowing that a setback is minor takes some judgment. Good judgment is often a result of experience, and children and young people need our help to develop good judgment. Explain to your child that this is just a minor, temporary setback. Help your child understand the lesson that’s necessary to learn from this, and concentrate on preparing for the upcoming success. Encourage your child to concentrate on the goal, instead of any small setback on the way.

Just like parenting, inspiring and motivating our children is a lifelong job. If you start at an early age, put together a “plan of attack”, use the “tools of the trade” and add a healthy amount of love, the results will come. Satisfaction guaranteed!

Training Your Child for Success

I would like to talk about a subject that is appropriate for every age group out there. Even we parents can benefit from this, we can develop success skills together with our children.

Sometimes you see people (of all ages) that are successful at everything they do. Whatever they touch, whatever they attempt, success is theirs. Others, though also successful, have to struggle and work much harder to achieve success, and yet others, even though they are smart and hard workers, don’t achieve success. What is it that the “always successful” people have, that the others don’t?

I often have conversations with children about their goals and objectives, and often I hear young children say to me, “I am not very smart”, or “I don’t think that I can achieve this”. How did a young child get to this opinion of himself, so early in life? A child that has low self-esteem stands a good chance of failing. SELF CONFIDENCE! a “can do” approach - that’s what we want our children to develop, so that they succeed in life.

It’s a common saying, that whatever you think about yourself - is true. If you think that you can do - you are right. If you think that you can’t - you are right! I like to say that a person is only worth what he thinks he is worth. In other words, if you think that you can achieve success


- - 124

in a project, you will do your best, but if you don’t think you can, you will not even attempt it, and never find out if you would be successful at it or not.

So how do we instill a “can do” mentality in our children? This starts very early in life! Believe it or not, your baby, when trying to achieve his first goals in life - turning over, smiling, sitting up, standing up, making the first steps, saying the first words - is already getting feedback from his environment, and especially from you. Throughout our child’s growing-up years, we provide feedback about who they are, and what they are worth. We can’t help it, we teach them how we feel about these issues ourselves.

Most of us celebrate our baby’s first steps, we provide encouragement and support. But after the first year or two, we need to remember to go on and keep encouraging and supporting. I’d like to shed some light on this issue by giving an example. Ruth, who was a great mother, a unique and talented person, did not get support in her home as a child. When she was growing up, her parents provided the best education to her brother, but did not bother to send Ruth to a good school and to college, because she was a girl, and she was supposed to get married and be supported by a husband. Ruth grew up feeling inferior.

Like all parents, she could not help passing her attitude to her kids. But hers was a “loser’s” attitude. I know that Ruth was not aware of the affect of what she was doing on her children, but she always compared her children to other kids, or other people, who always did better. For example, “Look at Michael, he is so talented and smart, always gets the best grades”. “I wish I was as good a business person as Paul, he always manages his business wisely, but we are not that smart, and always make bad decisions and choices”. In a very subtle way, almost un-noticeably, she would react in a very surprised way, when her children achieved excellence in school. Edith came home one day, with a award for being the best reader in her class. Yes, Ruth celebrated it, of course! She was very happy for Edith. But at the same time, she acted somewhat surprised! “You? How wonderful!” and Edith, as all smart children do, also heard the subtle undertones, the unsaid words “I would never expect it!” Edith grew up with the feeling that other people are better than her, and that she is inferior.


- - 125

If we want our children to be successful, we have to make sure we give them a very clear message: “You can do it”. With everything we do, we must expect them to succeed. Never give your child the feeling that you doubt his ability, that you doubt that he will succeed. Listen to the way you talk to your child, and catch every sentence that could be interpreted as doubt. ASSUME success. If your child stumbled, and did not achieve the maximum success in an assignment - offer support. Don’t criticize! Your child faces enough criticism in his everyday life, from peers, teachers ... you want to offer support. Make sure your child knows that you are on his side, and most important - that you believe in him.

EXPECT SUCCESS! If you expect success, your child will learn to expect success too. Many parents (and teachers) are concerned about stressing a child out. So they don’t encourage him to succeed, they accept mediocrity. I don’t suggest putting stress on a child. I suggest encouraging a child to excel. Make clear to your child that it’s possible to excel, and that he can succeed. Don’t judge or criticize, just make it clear you know your child can succeed. If needed, assist your child and support him.

COME FROM A PLACE OF POWER. This point is very hard to teach: come from a place of power, not from a victim’s place. Teach your child to take responsibility for the results. Your child can achieve success. The results depend on him. How do you teach that? Teaching a child that he is the one who determines what happens in his life, provides a feeling of control and power. Don’t do what Ruth did: “We have such bad luck, every time we invest in the stock market - the stock market crashes!” This is a victim’s approach. If Ruth decides to take the risk of investing in the stock market, do her research and make her decisions, she needs to take responsibility and simply say: “I made a mistake, I can learn from it”. Teach your child that it’s all right to make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes are simply feedback for us to learn what works and what doesn’t. If your baby touched the stove and experienced the pain of burning his finger, provide comfort, and simply say “hot!”. Your child will learn the lesson. If your child comes home from school disappointed, because something did not go his way, first provide support and comfort, then help him draw the conclusion: what is he going to do differently the next time?


- - 126

PERSISTENCE. Teach your child persistence. Encourage your child not to give up. This is not easy, so the technique I suggest for this is story telling. Story telling has a effect similar to hypnosis on children. Find children’s books or stories about people who persisted, and achieved, despite adversity. These stories are very uplifting and motivating.

TECHNIQUES FOR SUCCESS:

1. Visualization. This is a technique that helps with motivation. It is a known fact that successful athletes visualize themselves going through their routine in a perfect way, before they actually perform in a competition. Teach your child how to visualize his success. Children have active and strong imaginations, and it is easy for them to visualize. You can “talk your child through” a visualization. The best time to do this is at the end of the day, when your child is ready to go to bed. You can plan the next day, talk about the assignments, and ask your child to tell you how it will feel to perform the assignments with great success. This way you encourage your child to visualize his success, and it will motivate and encourage him. Ask your child to describe what he needs to do to succeed in detail; this will encourage him to plan ahead, and visualize the steps he has to go through, in order to achieve success. Get into the habit of doing that. You will help your child tremendously.

2. Affirmations. This is a technique that is used often for adults, too. It can be very helpful for your child. You can plan the affirmations and write them down. Take a few minutes each day to sit and think what affirmations you want to use that day. Please don’t think that you cannot apply this technique to babies. Babies understand so much more than we know that you can definitely start using this technique at an early age. What is your child working on? “You are very smart, and you are getting smarter every day” is a good affirmation on any day. It has shown that affirmations are more effective if said three times. So you can make sure that you say each affirmation three times. Say affirmations always in a positive way, in the present tense. For example: “You are very strong and resilient”. When your child is learning to ride a bike, or play a sport, you can say to him: “You have


- - 127

a great coordination, and it’s getting better every day”. A very well known affirmation is “Every day, and in every way, you are getting better and better”. Whatever your child is engaged with at the time, you can put together an affirmation that is appropriate, and say it to your child. If you can get the child to say it to himself, or to repeat it, that is even better. Affirmations are a great tool to increase self-esteem.

Help for Slow-learning Children

When we want to help “slow-learning” children meet their challenges, we always have to start with evaluation. There are so many reasons why a child may face a challenge with certain subjects, some of which are often hidden to us, the adults.

A decisive reason that can cause a child to fall behind is a learning disability. I will not discuss learning disabilities, since this is a subject that belongs in the hands of a skilled expert.

Another reason that can cause a child to fall behind could be a slight hearing or vision impairment. I recommend checking the child’s hearing and vision as soon as a problem becomes apparent.

Let’s evaluate the reasons that could cause a child to appear to be a “slow learner”. A child that has a dominant auditory memory may show difficulties in spelling, if he is required to write the words several times in order to remember them. This is a learning method that works well for people who have a dominant visual memory, but it is not effective at all for children who have a dominant auditory memory.

A child that has a very strong, dominant visual memory might have problems remembering tunes, music and songs. Methods can be used that take advantage of the child’s learning style, in order to help him learn the material using his dominant style of learning. Teachers who


- - 128

receive training in this area will be able to utilize methods appropriate for all styles of learning.

Some students have very active minds. They learn faster than other kids, and are actually very gifted learners. These children often do not get adequate stimulation for their minds in a standard classroom environment. These children experience real suffering, trying to follow the slow sequence of learning in the classroom. They lose their focus, and “go into their own world”. They will appear to be slow learners, and occasionally will also create a behavioral problem. This case is hard to deal with if there is no special program for gifted children available in the school. The teacher will have to find a way to keep this child challenged and busy. In my son’s classroom there was such a student: he read an immense number of books at home, and had an amazing amount of knowledge. When the teacher tried to teach in class, he always tried to intervene with a “related” story. Of course, that caused an interruption in the classroom, and the child was diagnosed as having a behavioral problem and a learning disability. When he was enrolled in a special class that employed accelerated learning, the problem was solved.

Another common case is a child that was told that he was a “slow learner” at some previous time. For example, in Mathematics. A child had some challenge with a Math concept, and the teacher, a parent, or a classmate, made a comment, ridiculed him or laughed at him, and the child got the idea that he “is slow in Math”. When a child tries to solve a problem, he has to believe that he can and will solve the problem. A child that does not believe that he can solve the problem may start the process of looking for a solution, but will stop before he has found it, because he gives up. In this case, dealing with the problem takes encouragement and lots of praise. Cooperation between the teacher and the parents will help accelerate the solution. A good example is a young college student I met, whose teacher in second grade told her that she was “not good in math”. She took a Logic class, and achieved the best grade on the final test. She said to me later: “The teacher told me that I am so good at Logic, I am probably very good at Math!” This student succeeded in Logic, because she had no idea that Logic is related to math!

Children are naturally very fast learners, but differ in learning styles, the ability to focus, self-confidence and personality. The school environment of today does not accommodate all learning styles and all


- - 129

personalities. Learning in a big group sometimes creates an environment that supports one child, but neglects another to some degree. If there is no learning disability or physical problem, then taking the time to find out what the reason is and how to deal with it as early as possible, is a crucial thing to do to stop the child from falling behind. An alert teacher or a diligent parent can make a big difference in the child’s future.

How to Help Your Child Cope with World News

In July, 2005, we were informed of the savage terrorist bombings in London. Everyone was shocked, and many of us discussed the day’s events with family and friends. What we often don’t realize is - our young ones also listen and hear our discussions.

We all want to protect our children, and shield them from anxiety. As a result, our natural tendency is to avoid discussing the events with our children. Since our children live amongst us, hear our conversations, the television reports and the radio with us, they are aware of what is happening, but might not have the background information, the judgment and experience, to know how to cope with the world news. They might be affected in ways we don’t know about or don’t expect. The news might frighten them, depress them, or cause feelings of sadness and grief.

We need to keep our children informed about what is happening in the world. If we want to have exceptionally intelligent children, it is not enough to teach them only reading, sciences and history. We need to educate them, so that they are connected and informed with what is happening all around us, what is happening in the world.

Since you are the parent, and you know your child best, you have to judge what amount of information is appropriate for your child, and in what detail. The amount of information you share with your child will differ according to his age and may vary from one child to another.

Here are some pointers of how to help your child cope with the situation, understand the news, and even to take the opportunity to teach them some history, values and general knowledge.


- - 130

• Inform yourself about the situation first. Make sure you have the knowledge needed. For example, in the case of London, get hold of as much information about London as you need - geography, history, the political situation. Adapt the information to the level appropriate for your child. If it’s a conflict between two groups of people or two nations, inform yourself very well about the history of the conflict, the history of all the nations involved. In the case of a bombing, for example, prepare a map that will provide for your child an understanding of how far London is from where you live. After you have the background information and the facts, provide the information that is appropriate to your child in an organized and easy-to-understand way.

• Be honest, don’t conceal facts, tell the truth. Our children are very smart, and they know when they are lied to. This might increase their anxiety, or shake their confidence in you.

• Think ahead of time what values and moral principles you would like to instill in your child, as a result of this event. You can teach ideas of war and peace, value of life, tolerance, freedom. Discuss the event with your child, and use this to explain your values.

• In order to stimulate a good discussion, ask your children what they have heard and what they know about the news. This will give you the opportunity to correct any misconceptions or provide additional information that is needed in order to understand the situation. Ask open-ended questions, like “what do you think about...” or “what do you think should be done about it...”. Let your children express their opinions and feelings and let them think of possible solutions.

• If a conflict is involved, present your child with the facts about all its sides. Give your child a good and fair understanding of the conflict and the issues involved.

• Inform your child about any actions that are being taken to remedy the situation. Tell him what safety measures are being taken here to prevent similar attacks from occurring here in our environment, what is being done to protect us. Include any information that will make your kids feel more secure.


- - 131

• Take some control over media exposure. We all value the freedom of speech, but we don’t find it necessary to expose our children to all of it. Make sure your child is not exposed to very detailed and frightening images that might cause unnecessary anxiety.

• Take a good look at yourself. Do you have anxieties that might come through in this discussion? As mentioned before, children are very smart, and they pick up on our anxieties and feelings. Make sure you communicate with your child sincerely and logically.

If you do all these things, your child will be informed, he’ll gain knowledge from world events, and feel assured that he gets all the information needed. Your child will have the opportunity to voice his opinions and express his fears and concerns, and the bond between you and your child will be stronger than ever.

May we all have more good and happy events to share with our children than stressful and sad news!

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) - a Useful Tool

It all begins with values. Have you ever written down what values you would like to instill in your child? This is a very important thing to do! I am sure that you have an idea of what your values are, but do you know exactly which values are important enough to you to pass on to your child? Whether you are aware of it or not, you affect your child’s values. If you actually take the time to sit down and think about it, discuss it with your life partner, write it down, you will be much more aware of what values you instill in your child.

Values determine how your child’s life will unfold! Make sure you talk with your child about the things that are important to him. If possible, have your child write down his main values. “What is important to you?” is the question to ask. Have him think about his values in terms of what skills he would like to acquire, what achievements he would like to have, and the relationships he wants (yes, children of all ages have relationships).


- - 132

Discussing these with your child will strengthen the bond you have with your child and will also help him set goals and reach them. Many parents take very good care of their children and make sure to provide all their needs, but don’t discuss these important subjects with them.

Limiting beliefs develop throughout our lives. Some of our most significant limiting beliefs are set in early childhood - sometimes even as early as age 3 or 4. How does it happen? A traumatic event happens in your child’s life. As a result, the child makes a decision that creates a limiting belief. It could be something that happened at home, it could be something that happened with friends. A child gave a wrong answer at school, and the classmates laughed at him. The child is embarrassed, and decides: “I am never going to talk in front of a crowd again”. The decision behind it is: “I am not good enough”. A decision like this can affect your child’s life for many years to come!

At a seminar I attended, participants had the opportunity to find their limiting beliefs and state them in front of the audience. I was surprised to find out how many of the participants had the belief that they are “not good enough”.

You can’t prevent this normal, natural process from happening to your child. Your child is learning about the world and his environment, and this process is just a healthy part of it. We are all built this way, to protect ourselves and survive. But you can talk with your child and discuss limiting beliefs. You can look for them yourself, or you can ask your child to observe and detect his own limiting beliefs. A good action to take when you discover a limiting belief is to create an affirmation that eliminates the belief. Repeat it to your child or have your child repeat the affirmation for a few days.

Self talk is one of the things that affect our lives and determines our results. Teach your child to be aware of his self talk, to gain control of his self talk. Teach him to empower himself, and to believe in himself. Many of us can hear our parents talk in our mind, even though our parents are long gone. If we had a critical parent, we can hear them criticizing us in our mind’s ear. Instead of criticizing, we can empower and encourage our children, so that they will hear our encouragement and empowerment in their mind’s ears. This is the way to help them develop an empowering self talk.


- - 133

A very widely used tool in NLP is modeling (that’s to say, role modeling). Find a person that has already achieved and succeeded in the same area that you would like to succeed in. Study that person: study the skills he has, the qualities he has, the reason for his success. Then acquire these skills, the qualities that contributed to his success. Ask yourself what kind of a person would achieve the goal I have? How can I become as accomplished as this person?

Use this tool to help your child develop. Discuss your child’s goals. Help him find a “role model” who has already succeeded. (Make sure it is a person you would approve of). Help him to study this person, to research the skills he needs to acquire. Help your child find the training he needs. Aid in this process.

Persistence - all of us adults know how important persistence is for our success. Children are not naturally aware of it. Often children simply give up if they don’t get enough encouragement, or if they encounter obstacles. My children always expected that success would come very easily. They would set high goals, but with the first obstacle simply gave up. Talk with your child about the importance of persistence. Obstacles are to be expected if a high goal is set. Teach him that it is OK to fail. Failure is just an opportunity to learn a lesson. As an example, explain to your child that an airplane never flies a perfect course. The navigator monitors the progress, and makes a series of corrections to the course, in order to bring the plane to its destination. In this example, failure is just a correction in the course of flight. Obstacles should not stop him from achieving his goals.

Positive motivation: When you ask your child: “why is this important to you?”; when you discuss his goals, and examine the answers, watch for negative answers, like “because I don’t want to...”. For example: “I want money because I don’t want to be poor” or “ I want to have a lot of friends because I don’t want to be lonely”. Negative reasons for a goal cause unsatisfactory results. As soon as the negative condition has been achieved, the child loses his motivation, and stops trying. When you work with your child on goal setting, make sure the goal is stated in a concise and clear way, and that it is realistic. Ask your child “when will you know that your goal is achieved?” Help him develop a scene that he can visualize, that will motivate him. For example, for a high school student who sets as his goal being accepted at the college of his dreams, that scene could be him holding the acceptance letter in his hands. Visualizing this scene


- - 134

will motivate him to put in the effort needed to meet the acceptance criteria for that specific college. This will help him create consistency in his effort.

NLP can be used for children of all ages. You can benefit from it too.

Developing Concentration and Focus

Some people can concentrate on an assignment to the exclusion of all distractions around them. My husband, who is an avid reader, can sit at a public place and read, no matter how much noise is going on around him. Some people can play at a chess tournament, and focus on their game, no matter how many people are standing around them, watching the game. Others, however, cannot concentrate on their reading in a coffee house, because “too much is going on around them”, and some people’s chess game is affected by the noise around them or the people watching the game, and they make mistakes and “blunders”.

Being able to focus is a very beneficial skill. Schoolchildren have to be able to take a test, even if their classmates are not keeping quiet. They have to be able to focus on their homework, even if some other kids are playing outside, or a sibling is listening to the radio.

But beyond these practical reasons, a person’s ability to focus and concentrate affects their level of performance. In order to solve a problem, you have to be able to focus, and if you can’t concentrate, you can’t find a solution. The ability to concentrate is important to anything we want to accomplish. When a person increases their concentration skills, they see a big improvement in everything they do. There is no doubt, then, that anybody can benefit from the strengthening of their ability to concentrate and focus.

Children in general have shorter attention spans than adults. It is impossible to expect a child to sit and concentrate for a long time, because it is natural for children to move around and be active. In my


- - 135

opinion, part of the reason is that children’s minds work extremely fast, and they have the need to learn new material constantly. When they feel that they have learned all they can from one activity, they will move to the next one, looking for more knowledge.

Often you can observe a very young child playing with a toy. The child will be “all into it”, fully focused on the toy. For how long? That varies, depending on many factors. But as long as they are playing, they are fully focused. Watch children when they are listening to a story; they are listening intently and are all captured by the story.

There are some exercises, or games, that you can play with your child that will increase his ability to concentrate and focus. You can play the games suggested here, or you can invent your own games around these exercises, depending on your individual children, their ages and their interests. Here are some suggestions:

1. Have your child close his eyes, and imagine a triangle. Then have him draw the triangle, with his eyes closed, on a piece of paper, slowly, and accurately. Then have him do it again, and see if there is any improvement in the triangle he has drawn. The slower he does it, the better. It is practically impossible to perform this task without concentrating and focusing on it, and the slower the task is performed, the longer the intense focus. If you want, you can have a competition, you can do it with your child, and the one who finishes later, or the one who has a better triangle, is the winner. You can organize a group of kids to compete with each other. (When your child is drawing perfect triangles, you can advance to more complicated figures, a square, a star ... whatever figure you can think of.)

2. This is a very interesting game, one that will entertain, surprise and benefit all participants. Have your child hold his arm out and close his eyes. Tell your child to start feeling an intense heat on the palm of his hand, as if he is holding a hot potato. Focus on it for a few minutes, when it starts to feel uncomfortable (too hot), have him stop and shake his hand.

3. Have your child practice reading in different environments. Take him to the library, have him read there, take him to a fast food restaurant, and have him read there. If your child doesn’t read yet - read a story to him. That also takes concentration! (I don’t recommend reading in the car: some people get motion sickness when


- - 136

they read in the car.) Any environment that you can think of is a good place to practice concentration. Russian chess players practice playing in noisy places. They play in the park, in coffee houses, wherever they can!

4. When you are visiting the park, or walking on the beach, have your child listen to the sounds of nature and life, the sound of the waves, or the sound of the birds and other animals in the park. Have him practice listening to the sounds intently for the longest time possible, and try to increase from there. If you have a recording of nature sounds (there are many CD’s that have the sound of water and other sounds of nature), your child can do that at home. You can play the “quiet game”, yourself and the child (or a group of children) listening to the “sounds of nature” CD. The last person still sitting is the winner.

5. The finger game. Have your child hold his hand out, and bend each finger very slowly, focusing only on that finger. When all fingers are bent, start straightening the fingers one at a time, very slowly. You can play this game with a toddler or a baby, too!

6. The breathing game. Have your child breath in very slowly, counting to ten, paying attention only to his breathing. Then have him exhale as slowly as he can.

7. Have a competition, called “who can gaze at an object the longest?” . You can put an object at the center of the room, and have your child and yourself, or a group of children, gaze at the object. The person who can stay with this assignment the longest without taking their eyes off the subject is the winner.

If you participate in these games with your child, you will notice an improvement in your ability to concentrate, too!

Take some time to do these activities with your child, and observe the results!


- - 137

Developing Leadership Qualities

How often have you heard that leaders are born, not made? Do you think this is true? How many times have you read a biography of a great leader, and discovered that as a child, he had been quiet, reserved and rather shy? Are those the natural qualities of a leader? Of course not! These people developed their leadership qualities later in life.

Would you like your child to be a leader?

What are the qualities of a leader? Here are some of the qualities required; here are also the ways which you can use to encourage the development of these qualities in your child.

• Integrity - remember to be a good example, a role model for your child. Parents teach by example, and integrity is a quality kids learn from their parents. Talk with your child about integrity. One tool that is very helpful is story telling. Look for books that tell about the value of integrity. I found an e-book that has several stories that promote values in kids; it’s at Inspirational Kids Stories. You can also make up your own stories that tell about the value of integrity.

• Courage - always praise courage. When your child shows courage, notice it and praise it. Praise courage wherever you see an expression of it. Story telling is also very effective in this case.

• Creative, independent thinking. In order to develop this quality, it is very helpful to ask questions. When you talk with your child about any subject at all, always ask open-ended questions, ones that encourage creative thinking. Use the “One Step Farther” principle (see below). After you have worked out all the obvious answers, ask one more question, to come up with a deeper, more creative idea. Questions like “why”, “what would happen if...”, “how do you think did it felt...”, encourage your


- - 138

child to think creatively. Talk to your child, encourage independent thinking.

• Confidence - this is one of the most important qualities required for success in general. To develop confidence in your child, avoid criticizing your child, praise him sincerely and often, develop the habit to talk about his strengths and achievements with him every day. Remember to make it a point to bring up at least one good quality of your child every day. If you adopt it as a routine, over time it will do wonders for your child. It takes only a few minutes to mention an achievement or a strength - any good quality. Encourage your child, repeat the phrase “you can do it” often.

• A leader takes responsibility. When something goes wrong, sometimes it makes us feel better if we can blame something else or someone else. A leader takes responsibility. Make sure your child knows that he is the “boss” in his life. His success is his responsibility. We are not victims of our environment; we have control over our life. Teach your child to “come from a place of power”. When your child blames someone else or something else for a mishap, or comes up with excuses, you have an opportunity to encourage your child to assume responsibility. Make sure that your child knows that it is OK to make mistakes. Mistakes are an opportunity to learn. You can help your child draw conclusions, without “making him wrong”, by asking: “what did you learn from this?”, “what do you think went wrong?”, “why do you think this happened?”, “how could you avoid this?” and again “what do you think would happen if...?”. Your child should understand that he has no control over other people, and is not expected to have control over other people’s actions, but he has full control over his own reaction. This will give your child the feeling of power, as opposed to “being a victim”.

The conversations that you hold with your child have a profound effect on his future. Make sure you take the time to talk with him every day, to be involved with what is happening in your child’s life, to support, encourage and inspire. By doing that, you are being a leader, and you are developing your child’s leadership skills.


- - 139

One Step Farther

When is a person brilliant? When does a person show his genius? When he goes beyond the usual, beyond the obvious. When he goes one step farther in his thinking, understanding and creativity. For example, when you play chess, you plan ahead. You study the moves that are available to you, and then the moves your opponent can make. You analyze the possibilities a few plays deep. My son’s chess teacher once said: “Usual players plan 2 to 3 moves ahead. A grandmaster can plan 6 to 7 moves deep, and that makes grandmasters - grandmasters”. The teacher suggested to my son that he look at the chessboard, analyze the moves ahead, and then - put a conscious effort into analyzing one more move. Put conscious effort into going one step farther.

When applied to all areas of life - this habit alone can differentiate between the everyday smart person, and an unusually creative, brilliant genius.

How can we teach our children this exceptional practice - as early as possible? This truly takes only a few minutes at a time! Whenever you do an activity with your child, whenever you have a conversation with your child, whatever your child’s age is, encourage him to go one step farther in his thinking and in his playing or working.

For example, a toddler comes to you and tells you about an experience that he had, or an observation. Ask questions that lead him to thinking and analyzing beyond the obvious. When your child builds with blocks, encourage him to go one step farther by asking questions. What is this? What can you use it for? What else? How can you improve it? Can you make it bigger? Can you make it smaller? Is it heavy? Is it light? Is it strong? How can you make it stronger?

When you play a board game with your child, you can ask questions like: Why did you decide on this move? What would happen if you were to make a different move instead? What would happen if I would make a different move? What was your strategy?


- - 140

When you have a conversation with your child, always encourage him to think one step farther by asking questions. Try to widen his horizons. Try to get him to think creatively. Ask about possible solutions - and keep asking.

A very well-known game that encourages creativity is taking a very ordinary, mundane household object (the classic example is a paper clip, but you can do it with any object you choose) and try to come up with all the things you can use it for. Everybody first comes up with the obvious: clip papers together, hold papers in place ... but after a while the creativity starts to flow, and people come up with amazing and fantastic uses for a paper clip. This is a great game to play with your child, to encourage creativity.

I recommend using this approach to everything that you do with your child: ask open questions that encourage thinking and problem solving, and then keep asking. When your child is done with the obvious, keep asking, so that your child will go one step farther, and start thinking creatively beyond the obvious.

You can do it with a very young child, during any activity. You can do it with a school-aged child too. Do you help your child with homework? Encourage him to go one step farther. Ask your child about the topic he is studying, and get beyond the obvious. When your child writes a book report, or a research report of any kind, when he is done with his work encourage him to go one step farther, by finding some additional information about the topic that provides a different point of view, or provides some additional information.

One technique that I used when my son was in elementary school was asking “why” questions. For example, when he had to write a report, and he read to me what he had written, I asked “why”, and used this to stimulate his thinking deeper into the subject. When he was done with the report, I always said - let’s go one step farther and see if we can come up with additional information, explain one more fact, get to one more conclusion; what would make this paper brilliant instead of just good?

When he wrote an essay, after I read it I always encouraged him to go one step farther, and analyze, compare or ask a question that he hadn’t asked himself yet.


- - 141

By doing this, we are achieving more than one goal. The first goal is to increase our child’s learning, to deepen his understanding. By doing this, we encourage our child to grow. But we also get them into the habit of going one step farther constantly, with every project that they take on. This will prove to be more and more valuable as they go through life. It will teach them to be more thoughtful towards other people, as they deepen their understanding of their fellow man. It will teach them to go one step farther and discover the solution that was not yet discovered. It will teach them to go one step farther and think about a topic in a completely fresh approach nobody has ever thought about in this way before. It will make it possible for them to be a true genius, one who comes up with ideas that may change the face of our world.


- - 142

Children and Money

Money is a very complicated issue. Many people have developed various attitudes towards money, as a result of what money represents to them. Some people see money as the root of all evil. Others see money as a symbol of power. Yet others feel that money is just a form of energy, and there is no need to see it as a symbol at all. Whatever people's attitudes towards money, they have probably inherited theirs from their parents. Willingly or unwillingly, we pass our ideas and attitudes about money to our children.

Our attitude towards money, and the way we teach our children to deal with money, is sometimes dependent upon our culture. For example here, in the USA, we use the expression "how much is he worth?", when we want to ask: "How much money does he have?" Language is indicative of culture, and this expression shows how important money is in the American culture. In other cultures, a person is measured by the amount of education he has received, rather than the amount of money he has accumulated.

In certain cultures parents see it as their responsibility to provide for their children all their needs, pay for their education, and when their offspring gets married, they provide a home and a household for them. In other cultures the children are required to provide for themselves after a certain age. Yet in different cultures, the children have to participate in the "bread winning" for the family, and are considered a "helping hand".

What is the right approach? What should we teach our children about money, in order to prepare them for success? How much should we provide for them, and up to what age?

The idea that money is scarce, that it is a subject of struggle, could be damaging to your child's financial future. On the other hand, the approach that "children don't need to concern themselves with money", is not a good one either. When I was growing up, my parents said to me: "your job is to get your education, we will take care of the money issues. Children don't need to bother with money". This approach is not helpful either, because it ignores the topic altogether, and does not teach the children how to deal with money responsibly.


- - 143

To instill a healthy, straight forward, realistic approach to money, start teaching your child about money as early as possible. Build a confident feeling towards money, an informed one. It is an opportunity to teach your child math, and get a huge amount of information about the business world and the world around them.

With a preschooler, just start showing the different kinds of currency, coins and bills. Show your toddler how to count the pennies, (or the smallest currency in your country). Start with a pile of 10 pennies, show how they add up and how to subtract. For example, if you have a pile of 10 pennies, and you buy a pencil that costs 5 pennies (it's just an example, I know that a pencil is not that cheap any more), you have only 5 pennies left. Invent some games around that. Prepare some crayons for your child to "buy" from you. You can also "buy" some back from your child, to show how the "flow" of money goes. The idea to demonstrate is that the money is the means to pay for the goods. At some point you can show your child how to substitute a dime for 10 pennies, and explain about currency.

I recommend purchasing some play money. You can play "grocery store", or "bank". Let the child pay for an item at the grocery store, or help him put money in the parking meter.

Explain about the parents' work. If possible, let the child visit at the parents' workplace, and explain how the parent earns the money. It's not too early to explain about interest. Teach how to save, by putting savings in a jar, pay interest, and let children hold the interest amount in their hands, to demonstrate the amount and value of the interest. If you read a newspaper article related to money, tell your child about it, after you have adapted it to your child's level of understanding. Remember - your child learns indirectly by watching you: exhibit responsible money habits and demonstrate them to your child. When watching television, you can let your child listen to the financial news and the stock market.

For somewhat older children: Some leading child psychologists recommend giving your child an allowance. The decision to give your child an allowance or not is a family decision. The amount of the allowance depends on their age and your family budget. What will be paid for by the allowance money is also a family decision. Some psychologists recommend that the allowance should not buy your child their basic needs. Food, basic clothing, school supplies, transportation,


- - 144

should be provided outside of the allowance. The allowance is to be used for extra projects. The child should be using his allowance for things beyond the basics.

Teach your child to divide his allowance into 3 buckets:

1. Immediate purchases.

2. Savings for the future

3. Charity, giving back to the community.

It is a good idea to teach your child about earning money. But here comes the dilemma: Do you pay your child for doing chores around the house? When my children were growing up, I felt that I shouldn't pay them for their help, since I also don't ask them to pay me, for my "services" to them. I wanted my children to feel that they have to contribute to the household, without being paid for it.

This dilemma warrants a family discussion. Make very clear to them, what is expected from them, what their usual duties are, and what activities they can be paid for. You can brainstorm together, but in the end, it is recommended to have a clear understanding on the matter.

Teach your child to budget. Talk about the future needs and desires. Since the allowance is given weekly, sit with your child immediately after he gets his allowance, and show how to put together a budget. Teach your child how to project future expenses, and plan ahead of time. Create a register, where your child enters the "deposits" and "withdrawals", to follow the flow of money. You can also create a "bank", and a check book, to show how to keep a checking account, and how to balance it.

A good idea is to open a savings account at a financial institution that accommodates children. There are savings accounts designed especially for children. This is an excellent opportunity to teach your child about savings, to demonstrate interest and teach the mathematical skills necessary to understand and calculate interest. Show how to deal with sales receipts and bills for expenses. Explain about taxes. Compare prices while shopping for something they want. If your child is working on a project for school, for example a science project, help your child establish a project budget. The games


- - 145

Monopoly and Pay Day demonstrate some basic financial concepts. Find some books and magazines for young consumers at the local library. (For example Zillions from the Consumers' Union).

When you think that your child is ready, let your child understand the family budget. How much money you have available to you, and how much their needs cost. This helps your child develop a healthy understanding of the value of money in the real world. It is beneficial for your child to know how long you have to work in order to pay for everyday expenses.

When Tammy was in middle school, she came home one day with a ton of questions. She wanted to know how much money we spend on her every week. They have discussed it in class, and the children got an assignment to find out the family budget and how much is spent on them. It is then when I realized how important it is to discuss these topics with the children. Tammy had no idea, and when she went back to school and compared the amount of money spent on her with her peers, she was amazed! She came home and told me that she realizes how much of an effort we put into her education and her special activities. She said, “I had no idea! Thanks you very much!”

If you can, match the amount your child saves, in order to encourage savings.

A great activity for children of all ages is the development of a business. Children learn a great deal from business training. How to develop a business, how to keep it running, how to manage it, tax issues. Here is a site that teaches kids about business. http://www.disney.go.com/hotshot/hsb.html .

The next step is to teach investment.

Explain the different kinds of investments. Safe investments and speculative investments. Explain about the stock market. It is a great idea to let your child paper trade. The following web sites include some good information for beginners about the stock market and different methods of investing. They also allow you to paper trade.

http://www.gptc.com/paper_trading_adgo.htm

http://www.worldlinkfutures.com/paper.htm


- - 146

It is very important to introduce the concept of a loan, show how the interest is calculated, and show in which cases a loan is a good idea, and how a loan can "balloon" into big debt. Give your child a play credit card, show the responsible use of a credit card, and how a debit card works. Give your child the opportunity to "abuse" the play credit card, and show him how to solve this situation. He will remember this experience and learn from it.

With teenagers, some new issues come up: should your child have a job, to help support himself and earn some money for his special "wants"? Many parents feel that a child should learn how to earn money and work for his living. Others feel that a child should concentrate on his education. Succeeding in high school is so important for your child's future, and it takes hard work, and all his time. If you feel this way, let your child work in the summer.

When my children were at this age, they have used their talents to entertain. My daughter Tammy used to entertain children at birthday parties with her puppets, telling a story she wrote for this purpose. She got paid handsomely for her work. My son, Eric, used to entertain children and adults with his juggling and circus arts. He preferred to volunteer at community events.

Tutoring is a wonderful activity children can take on. They can earn some money doing that, or volunteer - depending on the needs and circumstances. Tutoring increases self confidence, and teaches children a valuable lesson. Children can tutor younger students in the subject they feel most comfortable with. If your child is interested in tutoring, have him go to the school's office and offer his services. Middle school students and high school students can go to elementary schools and offer their tutoring services there.

A very beneficial subject to teach your child is entrepreneurship. This is not an easy subject to teach, and it is not appropriate for every child. Talk to your child, and find out if your child is interested. The age is not significant, young children may be interested in this subject. If your child is not interested in the present time, wait and check again next year.

If you are interested in this subject, and if you are interested in organizing an activity of this nature, you will have to make your intent known, in order to find other participants. One idea is to send around a


- - 147

flyer to your child's school mates and their parents, and possibly find other parents who are interested in helping, and other students who are interested in participating. If you can find other parents to help, arrange for a meeting, to discuss each member’s strengths and areas of expertise. Then you can arrange for a brainstorming session for the children. Provide a guiding hand, but let the children come up with the ideas, and implement them. This can be a very exciting project from which the children will learn important lessons and gain valuable experiences.

Another important issue for older teens is the responsible ownership of a car. Decide at what age you want your child to start driving (after the legal age, of course), if you are going to provide a car or let your child earn the money (and save) for a car. Explain auto insurance to your child. Discuss ways to deal with risk of potential financial loss (i.e. savings, insurance, determining risk ahead of time). Compute miles per gallon and the expenses for gas.

Remember, your child is learning. Unlike you, this is the first time they are exposed to this subject. Provide loving encouragement, and allow for mistakes. Instill confidence, competence and make sure your child is prepared and ready when he has to "stand on his own feet".

Money and finances are an important issue. Many parents feel uncomfortable with this issue, and as a result they avoid the issue altogether. Don't count on your child's school to teach him, make sure your child gets his money education for the best teacher out there - you!

IQ Testing and Identification of the Gifted Child

“Why should I test my child?” I hear this question from many parents. They also voice their concern that if their child is identified as gifted, he may become arrogant, or feel different, abnormal. Let me set your mind at easy: I have found that testing your child is very beneficial. If your child is identified as “gifted”, it will open many doors for you. It makes many special programs accessible. Many school districts have special programs available for the gifted. There are many private groups that offer special programs for the gifted and talented, and some universities and colleges have special programs for gifted


- - 148

students. These special programs offer interesting classes and seminars for your child and interesting enrichment activities, which can benefit your child for many years to come.

Let me set your mind at ease: if your child is not identified as gifted – don’t give up! Some kids are not great at taking tests, others simply have a type of gift that isn’t easily detected by the current IQ tests. There are different types of IQ tests, some kids do better on one type, and so good on the others. You have several options: retest, using a different test, wait a little and retest at a later time, or if your child is at school, ask for a recommendation from the teacher. Many programs for gifted youth will accept a teacher’s recommendation in admissions.

What is an IQ ?

An Intelligence Quotient indicates a person's mental abilities relative to others of approximately the same age. Everyone has hundreds of specific mental abilities--some can be measured accurately and are reliable predictors of academic and financial success.

How to interpret the result of an IQ test?

Intelligence Interval Cognitive Designation 85 - 114 Average

115 - 124 Above average

125 - 134 Gifted

135 - 144 Highly gifted

145 - 154 Genius

155 - 164 Genius

165 - 179 High genius

180 - 200 Highest genius

>200 "Unmeasurable" genius

It has been shown that the earlier you test your child, the higher the IQ result will be. So it is advisable to test your child as early as possible. There are many methods and tests available, with special ones for the very young. If your child is under school age, it is


- - 149

advisable to find a child psychologist who specializes in testing of very young children. In many locales you can find a psychologist that works with young children, and usually the fee is very reasonable. It is a very wise investment, since you can use this one test result for many programs, for many years. Often if your child is accepted by one program for the gifted and talented, he will be automatically accepted to continuing programs. An experienced psychologist will make sure that your child is comfortable during the test, and that it is a pleasant and interesting experience for him. Some psychologists will come to your home to perform the testing, to ensure that your young child feels comfortable during the test.

Many programs have specific guidelines as to which tests they accept and which they don’t. If you consider having your child tested for a specific program, it is wise to find out what the requirements are - before testing. If you want to test your child, but you don’t have a specific program in mind, ask the psychologist what specific test he recommends for your child’s age and personality.

Many public programs that are available also offer testing services. For example, the Educational Program for Gifted Youth (EPGY), a wonderful program that is offered through Stanford University, offers testing, but also accepts a variety of tests that are offered through school districts and by private schools.

As mentioned before, many programs that are offered by schools will accept a teacher’s recommendation. Let your child’s teacher know that you are interested in the programs they have available for the gifted. They may be happy to provide a letter of recommendation and an assessment. In addition, they will provide you with information on what is available. Some programs that are offered for the gifted and talented are not advertised publicly, and you may never find out about them unless you specifically ask about them. Remember, even if you don’t consider your child to be gifted, he may score well on an IQ test; or maybe the teacher will be glad to recommend him. Every child can benefit from the special programs that are available, whether they are identified as gifted or not.

As I noted, a good place to start is EPGY, the Stanford University program. Programs in mathematics, physics, English, music and computer science are offered to schools, groups and individuals over


- - 150

the Internet. Interesting programs are added continually. The web site to check is:

http://epgy.stanford.edu

Another good place to check is the Northwestern University Center for Talent Development. This is a wonderful program for children; it helps with the identification of the gifted and provides courses, classes and enrichment programs. Special camps and programs are offered in the summer. Go to the Resources page in my web site: http://www.all-gifted-children.com/, and click on the link that’s available there.

When Eric was in Elementary School, I served as the Membership Chair on the board of Lyceum of Santa Clara, which is an organization that provides seminars for gifted children, and I have mentioned it several times in this book. This organization started with a small group of parents that wanted to provide some enrichment programs for their kids. Each parent agreed to present seminars about their areas of expertise, or to find someone to present a seminar for the interested children. The organization grew into a wonderful, huge organization that offers hundreds of interesting seminars every year. Since Lyceum is very picky about whom they accept, there are very specific guidelines about what tests are accepted and what results qualify a child for participation. So if there aren’t many special programs offered in your neck of the woods, don’t discount the possibility of getting together with similar minded parents and organizing a group like Lyceum.

Here is a short introduction to IQ testing:

“IQ” is short for “intelligence quotient”. It is defined as “mental age divided by actual age”. Very obviously “mental age” can be a wholly subjectively determined thing, but the concept of IQ does provide useful broad guidelines.

The first individual to develop an IQ test was a French researcher named Alfred Binet. His test (first published in 1905) could be used to predict how well children would do in school. The test was later translated into English by members of Stanford University. Thus, the Stanford-Binet test was born. The American David Weschler disagreed with Binet’s emphasis on verbal intelligence. As a result, he developed the Weschler IQ test (in the 1930’s). It placed heavy emphasis on the


- - 151

perceptual component (puzzles, sequences) of intelligence. The test was also timed: the faster the puzzles were completed correctly, the higher the score. The test was often used to assess children with learning disabilities. The Weschler test was not designed to determine scores above about 130. As a result, it has limited use in assessing the gifted.

Intelligence Tests are periodically revised. One reason for their revision is to account for the general population’s increase in intelligence. It is estimated that the average IQ increases 4 to 6 points every ten years. This year, the new Stanford-Binet V was released. The new test has a ceiling of 160 (Stanford-Binet IV 164), no speed requirement, less emphasis on math, and includes a section on perceptual reasoning (i.e. puzzles).

Here is an excerpt from the EPGY requirements page. (To find accurate information, go to EPGY’s web site. This is intended to give you an example of a requirements page, and an idea of the wealth of different tests that are available and accepted by different institutions):

Mathematics, Physics, Computer Science, Music

• Students age 6 or younger. If available, a psychologist’s evaluation from any of the following tests: Stanford-Binet, WISC, WPPSI-R, or Woodcock-Johnson.

• Students age 7-8. The EPGY Mathematical Aptitude Test; if available, a score report or psychologist’s evaluation from any of the following tests: CAT-5, CTBS/4, CTP-III, ERB, ITBS, MAT-7, OLSAT, PLUS, SAT-8, SAT-9, WISC, SCAT, or Woodcock-Johnson.

• Students age 9-12. The EPGY Mathematical Aptitude Test; if available, a score report or psychologist’s evaluation from any of the following tests: CAT-5, CTBS/4, CTP-III, ERB, ITBS, MAT-7, OLSAT, PLUS, SAT-8, SAT-9, WISC, SCAT, or Woodcock-Johnson.

• Students age 13-14. For 13 year olds only, the EPGY Mathematical Aptitude Test. For both ages, if available, a score report from any of the following tests: CAT-5, CTBS/4, CTP-III, ERB, ITBS, MAT-7, OLSAT, PLUS, SCAT, SAT-8, SAT-9.

• Students age 15 and above A score report from either the PSAT or SAT.


- - 152

Here is an excerpt from the guidelines for Northwestern University: (again, just to give you an idea and an example):

Eligibility

A qualified student has: (1) A score at the 95th percentile or above on a nationally normed, standardized achievement test in the area that matches the class for which the student is applying (e.g., language or reading scores at the 95th percentile for humanities classes). (2) A recommendation from a current teacher or gifted program coordinator. Students unable to provide qualifying test scores should submit additional documentation of their above-grade academic ability and achievement, including grade reports, portfolios, and teacher recommendations. (3) Returning students are automatically eligible, provided that test scores and other documentation support the class requirements.

Testing for PreK-3rd Grade Students in Evanston & Glen Ellyn

CTD offers a testing assessment for PreK-3rd grade students without test scores who would like to be admitted into a CTD program. Students must be at least four years old. The assessment consists of achievement tests in reading recognition, early mathematics, and general information, tests of abstract logical reasoning ability, fine motor coordination, and abstract representation. Conducted by a CTD test consultant, testing takes approximately one hour and costs $100, to be paid at the time of testing.

The testing is not a general psychological evaluation, and the results should not be used as such. Comparable evaluations by a school psychologist may be used provided that achievement scores in the areas of mathematics and language arts are included.

In conclusion, I’d like to include here a description of the skills and characteristics that a very known school for gifted children here in California is looking for, when assessing gifted children:


- - 153

In considering students for admission, we look for evidence of the following characteristics: intellectual curiosity, independent thought and depth of ideas, creativity in approach to problems and divergent thinking. The Admissions Committee also considers factors such as social skills and emotional acuity.

About Giving Thanks and Appreciation

Thanksgiving: this is a time of the year that creates very strong emotions in me. Here in the United States, we celebrate this wonderful holiday that reminds us, at least once a year, to think about all the reasons we have to be grateful. Children in school spend some time writing down a list of reasons they have to appreciate the things that they have and the circumstances of their lives.

You can be sure that I am grateful for you, the reader of this book. I am grateful for your interest in developing your child’s genius, your willingness to give your child the best opportunities in life, your desire to invest in your child.

I am also grateful to all the wonderful people who took the time to write to me, with thanks and requests. Thanks so much!

I was born into a wonderful family. My parents were both business owners, and were quite comfortable financially. Above all in the world, they loved my sister and myself. We had a wonderful childhood, free of worry and concern. Growing up outside the US, we did not celebrate Thanksgiving, and even though we had everything in the world children could ask for, we were never taught to be thankful. We never took the time to think deliberately about all the things we had that we should have been grateful for. It was only after I spent some time with not nearly as many things that I started appreciating all I had had.


- - 154

As parents, we all need to take some time to sit down with our children, and talk about all the wonderful reasons they have to give thanks. Our children’s job is to learn about the world and their environment. They observe the environment and everything they see and they accept it as “normal”. That is the reason why children are able to adapt so easily to a variety of situations. It is our job, as their parents, to teach them appreciation.

Whether you live in the US, where we celebrate Thanksgiving, or outside the US, take the time to really talk with your children and learn what they are grateful for. Help them realize how much they take for granted, how much more they can appreciate.

It is a great time of the year to participate in volunteer activities. Take your child with you, and teach them how to give back to society, to help other people who are not as fortunate as they are. There is no better way to teach our children appreciation.

Conclusion

We all want the best for our children. Beyond our desire for them to be healthy, happy, normal children, we want our children to turn into good people, and to have satisfying, productive lives. Their future is in our hands. Just as it is our responsibility to provide nourishment, to take care of their health, it is also our responsibility to see that they achieve their maximum potential. Long before they go to school, our children learn the most important skills they will ever need. Their future is in our hands. It is a great opportunity and responsibility to educate them the best way we can.

Before they are in school, they are dependent on us, the parents, to provide the best education for them. It is our responsibility. During their school years, we cannot simply count on the school to educate our children. It is still our responsibility to make sure that our children are getting the best education possible.


- - 155

In this book, I have given you a number of ideas and activities to try out with your child. As you are working with your child, new ideas will come up, and new opportunities will present themselves. Please don’t hesitate to try new and exciting things – activities that will enrich your child’s life and yours.

If you follow the principles in this book, and try a variety of activities with your child, you will notice that in addition to the benefit of increasing your child’s intelligence, you will also increase your child’s confidence and most important: the bond between you and your child will strengthen and your relationship with your child will be the most wonderful possible. I think that you will agree that these added bonuses are priceless.

Now that you’ve finished reading this book, I invite you to e-mail me, to [email protected] with any comments, requests or concerns. I invite you to visit our web site: http://www.all-gifted-children.com. I am constantly adding new information to the site, so visit us often.


childsgenius

Documents

childs genius

childs intelligence

childs development

gifted child

child cope

childs teacher

childs eyesight

childs lead