INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION

CHAPTER 7

• PHYSICAL ATTRACTION – GOOD LOOKING = HALO EFFECT

• PLEASING, DESIRABLE

• KIND, NICE

• CHARITABLE

• TALENTED

• HARDWORKING

• PHYSICAL ATTRACTION – NOT GOOD LOOKING = HORNS EFFECT

• UNPLEASANT

• RUDE

• UNCHARITABLE

• NASTY

• NEGATIVE

• TASK ATTRACTION – ABILITIES, GETTING THE JOB DONE

• PROXIMITY – DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE

• SIMILARITY ATTRACTION – INCLUDE MATCHING AND RECIPROCAL

• MATCHING HYPOTHESIS – COMPARABLE TO US

• RECIPROCAL ATTRACTION – ATTRACTED TO US

• COMPLEMENTARITY ATTRACTION - OPPOSITES

WILLIAM SCHUTZ’ INTERPERSONAL NEEDS THEORY

•AFFECTION

•INCLUSION

•CONTROL

KNAPP AND VANGELISTI’S RELATIONSHIP STAGES

MODEL OF INTERACTION STAGES:

5 STAGES FOR COMING TOGETHER AND COMING APART.

COMING TOGETHER:

•INITIATION – LIGHT CONVERSATION OR SMALL TALK

JOURNAL: SMALL TALK

1. WHAT KIND OF THINGS SHOULD YOU TALK ABOUT WHEN YOU FIRST MEET SOMEONE WHO

YOU ARE INTERESTED IN?

2. ARE THERE ANY TOPICS THAT MIGHT BE “OFF LIMITS?”

3. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF “SMALL TALK” AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

4. WRITE DOWN THE BEST AND WORST “PICK UP LINE” YOU HAVE HEARD. IS THERE SUCH A

THING AS A “GOOD” PICK UP LINE?)

5. IS SMALL TALK IMPORTANT ONLY IN THE BEGINNING STAGE OF A RELATIONSHIP? EXPLAIN.

SMALL TALK: (THINGS TO CONSIDER)• TAKE IN YOUR SURROUNDINGS

• WATCH NONVERBAL CUES- TOUCH

• ASK QUESTIONS

• DON’T REVEAL INNER THOUGHTS

• NO RELATIONAL OR SEXUAL TOPICS

• NO DETAILED RUNDOWN OF YOUR LIFE

• ASK QUESTIONS

• PAY ATTENTION

• EYE CONTACT

• REVEAL A LITTLE AT A TIME AS THEY DO THE SAME

• BE POLITE

• FIND THINGS IN COMMON

• DON’T REVEAL TOO MUCH–YOU WILL SEEM UNTRUSTWORTHY OR WEIRD

KNAPP AND VANGELISTI’S RELATIONSHIP STAGES(CONTINUED)

• EXPERIMENTING – LOOKING FOR COMMON GROUND, INFORMATION IS A BIT MORE PERSONAL

• INTENSIFYING – DEVELOPING GREATER INTIMACY, EXCHANGE A GREATER DEPTH OF SELF-DISCLOSURE, LABELS

SUCH AS “BOYFRIEND” OR “GIRLFRIEND”, MORE COMMUNICATION – HOURS TEXTING, TALKING, INSTANT

MESSAGING OR VIDEO CHATS

• INTEGRATING – LIVES ARE WEAVED TOGETHER, RELATIONSHIP MORE SOLID

• BONDING – FORMALLY AND PUBLICALLY DECLARE THEIR TWO LIVES ARE ONE, RITUALS SUCH AS MARRIAGE OR

COMMITMENT CEREMONIES.

KNAPP AND VANGELISTI’S RELATIONSHIP STAGES (CONTINUED)

COMING APART

• DIFFERENTIATING – COMMUNICATION STRESSES INDIVIDUALITY, STOP WORKING TOGETHER, CAN

RESULT IN TRIAL SEPARATION

• CIRCUMSCRIBING – LESS TALK, INTIMATE INFORMATION MAY NOT BE SHARED FOR FEAR OF CONFLICT,

LOSE INTEREST IN RELATIONSHIP ALL TOGETHER

• STAGNATING - DECLINE IN THE QUALITY AND QUANTITY OF COMMUNICATION WITH THE PARTNERS,

HOPELESSNESS THAT IS FELT BETWEEN THE PARTNERS

KNAPP AND VANGELISTI’S RELATIONSHIP STAGES (CONTINUED)

• AVOIDING - PHYSICALLY STAYING AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER

• TERMINATION - FINAL STAGE OF BREAKING APART, .A LEGAL END OF THE RELATIONSHIP IS SOUGHT

THROUGH DIVORCE WHICH IS THE OFFICIAL END OF THE RELATIONSHIP

RELATIONSHIP MAINTENANCE

• ADAPT TO CHANGE

• FOLLOW THE RULES

• SHARE TASKS EQUALLY

• SELF-DISCLOSURE

• SOCIAL PENETRATION THEORY - HOW RELATIONSHIPS PROGRESS TOWARD INTIMACY AS A RESULT OF

SELF-DISCLOSURE FROM BOTH PARTNERS

• WHAT IS SELF-DISCLOSURE?

• THE ACT OF REVEALING INFORMATION ABOUT ONE’S SELF TO OTHERS.

Outer layers include

Superficial Information

like your name,

address, etc.

Inner layers are Personal

Information like social

attitudes and political views

Middle layers include our

deepest fears, greatest

hopes, and spiritual

values.

Core personality this is the

most basic self the essence of

who we are.

GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE SELF DISCLOSURE:

•IS THE PERSON IMPORTANT TO YOU?

•IS IT APPROPRIATE?

•IS IT RELEVANT TO SITUATION?

•WILL IT HELP THE RELATIONSHIP?

•IS THE DISCLOSURE RECIPROCATED?

COMING APART: THE “HEALTHY” BREAKUP

•TIMELINESS

•APPROPRIATE HONESTY RATHER THAN COMPLETE HONESTY

•USE DUAL PERSPECTIVE – PUT YOURSELF IN HIS/HER SHOES

•LET THE PERSON “SAVE FACE”

STRATEGIES TO ACHIEVE INTIMACY:• GIVE YOUR PARTNER FIVE POSITIVE MESSAGES FOR EACH NEGATIVE ONE

• PROVIDE VERBAL AND NONVERBAL ASSURANCE OF YOUR FEELINGS

•PUT ASIDE TIME EVERY DAY FOR FACE-TO-FACE TIME

•HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR

•USE NONVERBAL MESSAGES OF TOUCH (HUGS, KISSES)

•DO FAVORS FOR YOUR PARTNER

RELATIONAL DIALECTICS:

•COMMUNICATION PATTERNS BETWEEN THE PARTNERS

LYING AND TRUST:

• EVASION

• CONCEALMENT

• EXAGGERATION

• UNDERSTATEMENT

• BENEVOLENT LIES

FORGIVENESS:•DIFFICULT TO DO

•TAKES TIME

•TRANSGRESSOR MUST –

•MAKES AMENDS,

•APOLOGIZE

•MAKES PARTNER REALIZE THE TRANSGRESSION WILL NEVER BE

REPEATED

METACOMMUNICATION:

• GREAT BENEFIT TO VERBAL COMMUNICATION AND NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

• DESCRIBING MESSAGES PEOPLE EXCHANGE ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS CAN ALSO

BE HELPFUL IN REPAIRING RELATIONSHIPS

• FOCUS ON THE COMMUNICATING BEHAVIORS WHICH THEY BELIEVE MAY BE CREATING

A BARRIER BETWEEN PARTICIPANTS

•MAY PROVIDE NEW WAYS OF COMMUNICATING WHICH MAY PROVE MORE PROFITABLE

THAN THOSE USED IN THE PAST