Chapter 6Chapter 6

Talk and Talk and Interpersonal Interpersonal RelationshipsRelationships

This Chapter Discusses:This Chapter Discusses:

1.1. How communication meets your How communication meets your psychological and other needspsychological and other needs

2.2. How communication can build How communication can build intimacy and relationshipsintimacy and relationships

3.3. How communication can also How communication can also decrease intimacy and decrease intimacy and relationshipsrelationships

4.4. The concept of relational stagesThe concept of relational stages

Talk, Relationships, and Talk, Relationships, and KnowledgeKnowledge

We tend to talk with people who We tend to talk with people who share our beliefs and our views of share our beliefs and our views of ourselvesourselves

We compare our ideas with othersWe compare our ideas with others Relationships influence how we Relationships influence how we

distribute informationdistribute information Therefore, relationships as well Therefore, relationships as well

as communication shape meaningas communication shape meaning

What We Get: The ‘Provisions’ of What We Get: The ‘Provisions’ of RelationshipsRelationships

1.1. Belonging and a Belonging and a sense of reliable sense of reliable alliancealliance

2.2. Emotional Emotional integration and integration and stabilitystability

3.3. Opportunities to Opportunities to communicate about communicate about ourselvesourselves

4.4. Opportunities to Opportunities to help othershelp others

5.5. Providing Providing assistance and assistance and physical support physical support

6.6. Reassurance of our Reassurance of our individual worth individual worth and valueand value

Composing Relationships Composing Relationships Through TalkThrough Talk

‘‘Social’Social’ relationships—people relationships—people who perform the same who perform the same function in your life but are function in your life but are basically interchangeable to basically interchangeable to you you

‘‘Personal’Personal’ relationships— relationships—people who perform specific people who perform specific and irreplaceable roles and and irreplaceable roles and functions in your lifefunctions in your life

Analyzing ‘Small Talk’: Analyzing ‘Small Talk’: RCCUsRCCUs

Relational Continuity Constructional Relational Continuity Constructional UnitsUnits (Sigman, 1991) (Sigman, 1991)

Prospective Prospective (recognize there will (recognize there will be an absence in the relationship)be an absence in the relationship)

IntrospectiveIntrospective (acknowledge the (acknowledge the absence is already happening)absence is already happening)

RetrospectiveRetrospective (signal the end of (signal the end of the absence)the absence)

Talk and Relational ChangeTalk and Relational Change

‘‘Crossing boundaries’ between Crossing boundaries’ between types of relationships involves types of relationships involves changes in talkchanges in talk

Direct Direct talk (about the relationship) talk (about the relationship) can effect a changecan effect a change

IndirectIndirect communication (flirting) communication (flirting) can also effect changescan also effect changes

Stages in Relationship Stages in Relationship DevelopmentDevelopment

Relationships rarely develop in Relationships rarely develop in simple steps or stagessimple steps or stages

Partners in a relationship might Partners in a relationship might have different ideas about how it have different ideas about how it should developshould develop

Some people lack the skills to Some people lack the skills to develop relationshipsdevelop relationships

There are people with whom we There are people with whom we do not want our relationship to do not want our relationship to develop! develop!

Duck’s Relationship Filtering Duck’s Relationship Filtering ModelModel

Relationships are developed or Relationships are developed or terminated based on our terminated based on our interpretation of various cues:interpretation of various cues:

Physical appearancePhysical appearance Behavior and nonverbal Behavior and nonverbal

communicationcommunication Attitudes and personality Attitudes and personality

Duck’s Model of Serial Duck’s Model of Serial Construction of MeaningConstruction of Meaning

Adds four steps to explain how Adds four steps to explain how relationships develop through relationships develop through talk:talk:

1.1. Commonality (shared but unknown Commonality (shared but unknown experience)experience)

2.2. Mutuality (discussed shared experience)Mutuality (discussed shared experience)3.3. Equivalence of evaluation (same reaction Equivalence of evaluation (same reaction

to common experience)to common experience)4.4. Sharing of meaning (making the Sharing of meaning (making the

experience part of the relationship)experience part of the relationship)

Duck’s Model of Serial Duck’s Model of Serial Construction of MeaningConstruction of Meaning

Duck’s Model of Relational Duck’s Model of Relational BreakupsBreakups

1.1. IntrapsychicIntrapsychic (person thinks about (person thinks about ending relationship)ending relationship)

2.2. DyadicDyadic (person confronts partner to (person confronts partner to discuss problems with relationship)discuss problems with relationship)

3.3. Social processSocial process (person tells other (person tells other people about relationship problems)people about relationship problems)

4.4. Grave dressingGrave dressing (creating the lasting (creating the lasting story of how/why the relationship story of how/why the relationship ended)ended)

5.5. ResurrectionResurrection (movement from old (movement from old relationship to entering new one)relationship to entering new one)

Final Words on Final Words on Relationships and StagesRelationships and Stages

People are not always aware that a problem is a People are not always aware that a problem is a ‘natural’ beginning stage to ending a ‘natural’ beginning stage to ending a relationshiprelationship

People might report ‘stages’ even though that People might report ‘stages’ even though that is not their lived experienceis not their lived experience

Talk and relational change are complex Talk and relational change are complex interrelated processesinterrelated processes

‘‘Bond/bind’ dilemma – rewards and costs, not Bond/bind’ dilemma – rewards and costs, not stages, might determine relationshipsstages, might determine relationships

‘‘Dialectical tensions’ – relationships are in a Dialectical tensions’ – relationships are in a constant state of flux between issuesconstant state of flux between issues