Solo-Parenting: Solo-Parenting: Victim… Victor!Victim… Victor!

Introduction:Introduction:

We do not have to look very far to realize We do not have to look very far to realize that there is that there is growing number of solo-growing number of solo-parents in our generation todayparents in our generation today. We . We

have workmates, friends, and relatives have workmates, friends, and relatives who are part this sector of our society who are part this sector of our society

and according to estimates and studies, and according to estimates and studies, solo-parenting…solo-parenting…

Growing statisticsGrowing statistics

Have Have DoubledDoubled in the last in the last 25 years25 years 59%59% of American children will live of American children will live

in a single parent home at least in a single parent home at least once once

30%30% of children in the Philippines of children in the Philippines are brought in solo-parent homesare brought in solo-parent homes

I. Victim Syndrome I. Victim Syndrome

As single parents, one may begin to As single parents, one may begin to wonder if she or he is designed to a life of wonder if she or he is designed to a life of UnhappinessUnhappiness, having children who are , having children who are emotionally emotionally UnstableUnstable and and UnderachievingUnderachieving in school and a in school and a second second class familyclass family in the in the societysociety. .

Quote from a solo-parentQuote from a solo-parent

““Six years ago when I first became a Six years ago when I first became a single parent, there were only two single parent, there were only two choices-you were either choices-you were either singlesingle or or marriedmarried. It was like any other status . It was like any other status was simply not recognized. If you was simply not recognized. If you deviated from single or married, you deviated from single or married, you were considered an were considered an outcastoutcast.” .” (http://anasantoswrites.com/?p=147)(http://anasantoswrites.com/?p=147)

Negative self talk Negative self talk

““I will never be happy.”I will never be happy.” ““My child is doomed for life.”My child is doomed for life.” ““I am all alone in this situation.”I am all alone in this situation.” ““My child will never have a My child will never have a

normal life.”normal life.” ““I will never have a normal life.”I will never have a normal life.”

Real or Not?Real or Not?

Real or Not?Real or Not?

Real or Not?Real or Not?

Real or Not?Real or Not?

Real or Not?Real or Not?

Having two Having two ParentsParents at home is at home is always better than having onealways better than having one

Children of single-parents are Children of single-parents are more prone to substance abuse.more prone to substance abuse. 5.7 % versus 5.7 % versus 4.54.5 % % The difference is not significantThe difference is not significant

Children of single-parents does Children of single-parents does not do very well academicallynot do very well academically

Children living in nuclear families Children living in nuclear families have two totally have two totally EngagedEngaged parents parents

Mothers are raising their children Mothers are raising their children alonealone

The differenceThe difference

““The only difference The only difference between a between a SteppingStepping stone stone and a and a StumblingStumbling block is block is how you use it”how you use it”

Mud stars

II. Victor’s Mind SetII. Victor’s Mind Set

More than anything, the real issue is More than anything, the real issue is what happens between the what happens between the EarsEars. . The difficult situation one is in is The difficult situation one is in is not the primary determining factor not the primary determining factor if one is a victim or a victor, but it if one is a victim or a victor, but it is how one perceives his or her is how one perceives his or her reality/situation.reality/situation.

A new mind setA new mind set

John 10:10 “…Have life to the full.”John 10:10 “…Have life to the full.” Phil. 4:4 ““Rejoice in the Lord always and Phil. 4:4 ““Rejoice in the Lord always and

again I say rejoice.”again I say rejoice.” ““Your greatest ministry will most likely come Your greatest ministry will most likely come

out of your greatest hurt…” – R. Warren out of your greatest hurt…” – R. Warren (The Purpose Drive Life)(The Purpose Drive Life)

““We can choose how we respond.” S. We can choose how we respond.” S. Covey (Seven Habits…)Covey (Seven Habits…)

A new mind setA new mind set

““Sociologists who have studied single mothers Sociologists who have studied single mothers of different races, classes, and sexual of different races, classes, and sexual

orientations have found that those mothers orientations have found that those mothers are are rarely raising their children single-rarely raising their children single-

handedlyhandedly. Instead, they have networks of . Instead, they have networks of friends and relatives and neighbors who care friends and relatives and neighbors who care about them and their children, and have been about them and their children, and have been

part of their lives for years.” part of their lives for years.” (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200901/children-single-mothers-how-do-they-really-fare)(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/200901/children-single-mothers-how-do-they-really-fare)

Coping and recoveryCoping and recovery

ShockShock DenialDenial DepressionDepression AngerAnger GrievingGrieving MourningMourning

OutreachOutreach GrowthGrowth RecoveryRecovery UnderstandingUnderstanding AcceptanceAcceptance

III. Equipping Solo-parentsIII. Equipping Solo-parents

IssuesIssues

Parenting rolesParenting roles Sex identitySex identity ModelingModeling Discipline Discipline

AutocraticAutocraticPermissivePermissiveNeglectNeglectDemocraticDemocratic

Both worldsBoth worlds

““Single parents Single parents EnjoyEnjoy all all the pleasure-and the pleasure-and

EndureEndure all the pain of all the pain of parenthood…”parenthood…”

It is doable It is doable

Believe that having a healthy family Believe that having a healthy family is possibleis possible

Be aware that there are Be aware that there are DifficultiesDifficulties in solo-parentingin solo-parenting

Be aware to child’s pain due to the Be aware to child’s pain due to the loss of a parentloss of a parent

Always be “Always be “PresentPresent” with your child ” with your child

Do you know?Do you know?

““Quality parenting will Quality parenting will counteractcounteract the the adverse adverse affectaffect on children of one on children of one

absent parent”absent parent”

Practical tipsPractical tips

Develop one’s parenting skillsDevelop one’s parenting skills Look for Look for SupportSupport system (internal) system (internal)““It takes a village to raise up a child”It takes a village to raise up a child”

Control your financesControl your finances Explain to your kids Explain to your kids EarlyEarly Look for support system and use itLook for support system and use it

Practical tips`Practical tips`

Take time for the familyTake time for the family Be Be GoodGood to yourself to yourself Be an exampleBe an example Treat kids like Treat kids like KidsKids Look for the gem Look for the gem

Conclusion:Conclusion:

There are many types households in our There are many types households in our society today from normal family society today from normal family

arrangements, blended families, OFW arrangements, blended families, OFW families, adoptive and etc. But what is families, adoptive and etc. But what is

crucial to the child is the crucial to the child is the PositivePositive interaction that happens in the family interaction that happens in the family and making the home a and making the home a SafeSafe place to place to

be in.be in.