celebrations rites and classes

8/13/2019 Celebrations rites and Classes

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CLASS RULESBut rather than end'on that touching, encouraging note, I,m now goingto talk about class. Again.

surery yo., didn,t ,t irrt wed get through awhole chapter with just a couple of passing r.f.r.rces ro the class system?You can probably do this bit yourserf by now. c,mon, have ago:what are the main differences between a working-class funeral and amiddle-class one? or the indicarors of amiddre-middle versus an upper-middle wedding? Discuss withspecial reference ro marerial-culrure classindicators' sartorial class indicarors and class-anxiety signals. oh, allight' I'll do it - but don't expecr anything very surprising: y,ou can see,from what Jane Austen called 'rhe t.ll-trl. compression of the pages,,that we're nearly done here, and if we haven'r gtt rh. hang of E'glishclass indicators and anxieties by now,

we never will.

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WATCHING THE ENGLISH

As you might expect, there is no such thing as a classless rite ofpassage among the English. Every detail of a wedding, Christmas,house-warming or funeral, from the vocabulary and dress of the partic-ipants to the number of peas on their forks, is determined, at least tosome extent, by their social class.

Working-class RitesAs a general rule, working-class rites of passage are the most lavish (interms of expenditure relative to income). A working-class wedding, forexample, will nearly always be a big 'do', with a sit-down meal in a

restaurant, pub 'function room' or hotel; a big fancy car to take thebride to the church; the full complement of rnatching bridesmaids intight, revealing dresses; a huge, three-tiered cake; guests in glarnorous,brand-new, Sunday-best outfits and matching accessories; a specialistwedding-photographe r and a professional wedding-video firm; a big,noisy evening party with dancing and free-flowing booze; a honeymoon

somewhere hot. No expense spared. 'Nothing but the best for ourprincess.'

Wbrking-class funerals (huge, elaborate wreaths; top-of-the-rangecoffin), Christmases (expensive gifts; copious quantities of food anddrink), children's birthdays (the latest high-tech toys, high-priced foot-ball strip and top-brand-name trainers) and other rites operate on muchthe same principles. Even if one is struggling financially, it is impor"tant to lctok- as though one has spent money and'pushed the boat out'.A day trip to Calais to boy large quantities of cheap drink (known asa,baazecruise')isafavouredmeansofachievingthis

Lower-middle and Middle-middle Rites

Lower-middle and middle-middle rites of passage tend to be smallerand somewhat more prudent. To stick with the wedding example: lower-and middle-middle parents will be anxious to help the couple with a

mortgage down-payrnent rather than irresponsibly 'blowing it all on a

trig wedding'.: There is stiil great concern, h.owever, that everythingshould be done'properly' and 'tastefully' (these are the classes for whomwedding-etiquette books are written), and considerable stress andanxiety ov'er relatives whcl might lower the tone or bring disgrace by

getting druhk and 'making an exhibition of themselves'.

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RITES OF PASSAGE

If the working-class ideal is the glamorous celebrity weddirg, likePosh and Becks's, the lower-middle and middle-middle aspirarionalbenchmark is the royal wedditg - no themes or gimmicks, everyrhing'traditional' and every detail dainty and effogtfully eleganr. These bour-geois or wannabe'bourgeois weddings are very contrived, carefully co-ordinated affairs. The 'serviettes' rnatch the flowers, which 'tone with'the place-cards, which in turn 'pick up' the dominant colour of themother-of-the-bride's pastel two-piece suit. But no-one notices all thisattention to detail until she draws their attenrion ro it. The food isbland and safe, with hotel-style mbnus of the kind thar call mash'creamed potatoes'. The portions are not as generous as those at theworking-class wedding, although they are more neatly presenred, ?nd'garnished' with parsley and radishes carved into flower-shapes. Theofine wines' run out too soon, calculations of glasses-per-head havingbeen somewhat miserly, but the Best Man still manages ro ger drunkand break his promise to keep his speech oclean'. The bride is morti-fied, her mother furious. Neither reprimands the offender, as rhey don'twant ter spoil the d^y with an unseemly rorv, but they hiss indignandyto each other and to some aunts, and treat the Best Man with frostytight-lipped disapproval for the rest of the afrernoon.

tJpper-middte Rifes

Upper-middle rites of passage are usually less anxiously contrived andoverdone - at least among tho'se upper-middles who feel secure abouttheir class status. Even among the anxious, an upper-middle weddingaims for an air

ofeffartless elegance,

quite different from the middle-middles, who want you to notice how much hard work and thoughthas gone into it. Like 'natural-look' make-up, rhe upper-middlewedding's appearance of casual, un-fussy stylishness can take a greardeal of thought, effort and expense ro achieve.

For class-anxious upper-middles, especially the urban, educated,'chattering' class, concern is focused not so much on doing thingscorrectly as on doing them distinctiuely. Desperate ro distinguish anddistance themselves from the middle-middles, they strive nor only roavoid twee fussiness, but also to escape from the 'traditional'. They

can'thave

the 'sarne old conventionalT$(/edding

March' nr the 'same oldboring hymns' as the mock-Tudor middle-middles or, God forbid, the




inhabitants of serni-detached Pardonia. They choose obscure music forthe bride's entrance, which no-one recognizes, so the guests are stillchattering as the bride makes her way up the aisle - and little-known,difficult hymns that nobody can sing. The same principle often extendsto the food, which is 'different' and imaginative but not necessarily easyor pleasant to eat, and the clothes, which may be the latest quirky, avanr-

garde fashions, but are not always easy to wear or to look at.Older couples - and the upper-middles tend to marry later - willoften have a register-office wedding (in some cases under the misap-prehension that belief in God is required for a church ceremony) oreven an 'alternative' secular ceremony at which they exchange vows theyhave written themselves. Curiously, the gist of these is usually much thesame as the traditional church marriage-vows, only rather more long-winded and less well expressed.

IJ pper-class R ites

Upper-class weddings tend to be more traditionaln although not in thestudied, textbook-traditional manner of the lower- and middle-middles.The upper classes are accustomed to big parties - charity balls, huntballs, large private parties and the big events of The Season ate a normalpart of their social round -_ so they don't get as flustered about weddingsand other rites of passage as the rest of us. An upper-class wedding isoften a quite muted, simple affair. They do not all rush out to b,ryspecial new 'outfits' as they have plenty of suitable clothes already. Thernen all have their own morning suits and, as far as the women areconcerned, Ascot may require something a bit special but, 'One goes

to so many weddings - can't be expected to keep ringing the changesevery time,' as one very grand lady told me.

The Sour-grapes Rule

If they cannot afford a big wedding (or funeral, Christmas, birthday,anniversary) the upper-middles and upper classes will often make a rathersour-grapey virtue of this, saying that they 'don't want a big, flashyproduction, just a simple little family party with a few close friends',rather than running up credit-card debts like the working classes, ordipping reluctantly into savings like the lower- and middle-middles. TheEnglish modesty rule, with its associated distaste for ostentatious displays

RITES OF PASSAGE

of wealth, serves the impecunious higher echelons well: anyrhing rheycannot afford, can be dismissed as 'flashy' or 'vulgar'. Big, glamorousweddings are regarded as decidedly 'naff', as Jane Austen pointedlyreminds us by describing her upper-class heroine Emma Woodhouse,swedding as a small, quiet one in which 'the parries have no tasre forfinery or parade', and having the ghastly pr.i.rrrious, jurnped-up MrsElton exhibit

typically middle-class poor rasre when she complains thatthe proceedings involved 'Very little white sarin, very few lace veils; amost pitiful business '

Lower- and middle-middles can use the same modesty principle togood effect by calling the exrravagant celebrations they secre4y envy'wasteful' and 'silly', and talking disparagingly about people with .moremoney than sense'. The 'respectable' upper-working .1"r, sometimesuse this iine as well: it emphasises their prudenr respegability and makesthem sound rnore middle-class than the more common working-classapproach, which is to express sniffy conrempr for the'sruck-up,

'showing off ' of big, 'fancy' celebrations. 'She had to have a big portdo in a hotel,' said one of my informants, referring to a neighbour,ssilver wedding anniversary. 'This ftheir iocal pub, where our conversa-tion took placeJ wasn'r good enough for her. stuck-up cow.,

RITES OF PASSAGE AND ENGLISHNESS

Poring over the rules in this chapter, trying to figure our what each onetells us about Englishness and scribbling my verdicts in the margins, Iwas struck by how often I found myself scribbling the word .modera-

tion'' This characteristic has featured significantly rhroughout the book,but in a chapter focusing specifically on our 'high d*y, and holidays,,our carnivals, festivals, parties and other celebrations, its predominanceis perhaps a little surprisi*g. Or maybe not. We are talking about theEnglish, after all' By 'moderation', I don't only mean the English avoid-ance of extremes and excess and intensity, but also the need fo, a se'seof balance- our need for moderation is closely related to our concernwith fair play. our tendency to compromise, for example, is a productof both fait play and moderation, as are a number of other Englishhabits, s,ch as apathg woolliness and conservatism.

Our benignly indifferent, fence-sitting, toleranr approach to religion

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is a product of moderation * fair play, with a dash of courtesy, a dollopof humour, possibly a pinch or two of empiricism. (Oh dear, I seem tohave slipped from 'equation' to 'recipe' in rnid-sentence. This does notbode well for the final diagram.)

The other principal themes emerging from this chapter are prettymuch the usual suspects, but we can now see even more clearly how

many of the unwritten rules governing our behaviour involve a combi-nation of two or more defining characteristics. The one-downmanshiprules of kid-talk, for example, are clearly a product of modesty andhypocrisy (these two seem to go together a lot - in fact, we very rarelyfind modesty without an element of hypocrisy) with a generous sloshof humour.

The invisible-puberty rule is a more straightforward example ofEnglish social dis-ease. Pubescents and adolescents are essentially in anacute phase of this dis-ease (triggered or exacerbated by raginghormones). Our reluctance, as a society, to acknowledge the onset of

puberry is a form of 'denial' - ostrichy behaviour that is in itself areflecdon of our own social dis-ease. Social dis-ease can be 'medicated'to some extent with ritual, but our pubescents are denied any officialrites of passag€, and so invent their own. (The Gap-Year ordeal providesritual medication, in the form of appropriate initiation rites, but ratherlate, and only for a privileged minority.)

The Freshers' 'Week rules involve a combination of social dis-ease -medicated with both ritual and alcohol - and that distinctively Englishbrand of 'orderly disorder', a reflection of our need for moderation.The exam and graduation rules combine modesty with (as usual) an

equal quantity of hypocrisy, with the addition of a large dollop ofEeyorishness, seasoned with humour and a hint of moderation.Our rnatching rites seem to trigg er a rash of social dis-ease symp-

toms. The money-talk taboo is social dis-ease * modesty + hypocrisywith class variations. At weddings, we find again that the symptoms ofsocial dis-ease can be effectively alleviated with humour, and the painful'natural experiment' of funerals shows us how bad the dis-ease symp-toms can get without this medication, as well as highlighting ourpenchant for moderation again. The tear quotas involve a combinationof moderation, courtesy and fair play.

The celebration excuse and its associated magical beliefs are another

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RITES OF PASSAGE

example of social dis-ease medicated with alcohol and ritual, 'f'heChristmas rnoan-fest and bah-humbug rule combine Eeyorishness withcourtesy and hypocrisy, while the Christmas-present rules blencl cour-tesy and hypocrisy again. The New Year's Eve orderly-disorder rule irabout moderation again, and its close relation fair play, as well as thenow very familiar attempts to control social dis-eas. ,y-ptoms with

alcohol and ritual - also evident in most of the minor calendricals.Holidays involve more of the sanre, and highlight our nee,C ro limirexcess and indulgence - our need for moderation.

The class rules governing our rites of passage are about class-.consciousness, of course, but also involve the usual close relation ofthis trait, hypocrisy - and in particular that. special English blend ofmodesty and hypocrisy, T'hich all the social classes seem ro exhibir in

The intimate, private traRsitional rites represent one of our very fewgenuine escapes from our debilitating social dis-ease. (The other main

escape is sex, also a private matter.) Our fanatical obsession with privacymay be a symptom of our social dis-ease, but we also value privacybecause it allows us some relief-from this affliction. At home, amongclose family, friends and lovers, we can be warrn and spontaneous andreally quite remarkably human. This is the side of us thar many visi-tors to this country never see, or only catch rare glimpses of. You haveto be patient to witness it - like waiting for giant pandas ro mare.

celebrations rites and classes

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