CHAPTER I

A. Background

Personal value are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define

our character. And it’s evolves from circumstances with the external world and can

change over time. Integrity in the application of values refers to its continuity;

persons have integrity if they apply their values appropriately regardless of

arguments or negative reinforcement from others. Values are applied appropriately

when they are applied in the right area.

The example of personal value is personal relationship. As we as a human,

we need other people in our live. For the example, we need a doctor if we are sick.

It’s means that we can’t life without someone else.

B. Problem

The main problems that will be elaborated in this paper are all about

personal value, all about friend and friendship, and all about leadership.

C. Purpose

Based on the problem above, generally this paper can explain many things,

such as :

Explain that what we should know about personal value, definition of friend, circles of

friends, mobility and friendship, instant friendship, male-female relationships and

intercultural friendship

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CHAPTER II

A. Personal Value

Before we learn about personal value, it is better if we know about value. Value is

a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful. Whether we are consciously aware

of them or not, every individual has a core set of personal values. Values can range from

the commonplace, such as the belief in hard work and punctuality, to the more

psychological, such as self-reliance, concern for others, and harmony of purpose.

The key point to keep in mind about values is that implementing them energizes

everything concerned with it. For an individual, committing to and applying values

releases fresh energies, which always attract success, achievement, and well-being.

Likewise, when companies or other institutions adopt values, individuals working at the

organization become energized, as do its customers, its products and services, and

everyone and everything else associated with that organization.

Without values or beliefs, we would be mechanical-like beings, driven here and

there by the vicissitudes of life. Without values, we would be creature-like, compelled to

action solely by our urges and passions. In this inhuman existence, there would be little

consideration for truths we hold dear, let alone implement them to ennoble and enrich our

lives. In this reality devoid of values, we would live unconscious lives, without meaning

or purpose. On the other hand, when we take to values, we live a purposeful and dynamic

existence -- i.e. we become truly human.

Values are actually a very special power in the universe. It is one our minds can

grasp for the purpose of uplifting life. Values are actually spiritual skills -- a divine gift

that comes to us from the infinite Source of things. The highest of principles -- such as

Oneness, Love, Beauty, and others -- descend from the heavens, and are reinterpreted as

values by our minds. For example, the spiritual principle of Oneness is recognized by our

minds as values of cooperation, integration, teamwork, and others. Likewise, the universal

principle of Love expresses through values of goodness, selflessness, self-givingness,

openness, tolerance, respect for others, and a number of others.

Values are psychological objects. Although we cannot see or touch them, they are

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every bit as real as any physical object. People may dedicate their entire lives or even give

up their lives to pursue their values, as so many loyal patriots have done fighting for

values of freedom, equality and human rights during the past two centuries.

We all have values that determine our decisions and guide our lives. Those who

value their individuality take responsibility, are self-reliant and act with self-respect.

Those who value truthfulness cannot bring themselves to tell a lie. Those who value

family or friendship sacrifice their personal interests for the good of others. Those who

value goodness cannot bring themselves to do something they know is wrong. We express

values in our relations with other people when we are loyal, reliable, honest, generous,

trusting, trustworthy, feel a sense of responsibility for family, friends, co-workers, our

organization, community or country. On a more physical level, we may place great value

on cleanliness, punctuality, orderliness, accuracy, quality, and physical perfection in

whatever we do.

Personal value is come from with personal and value. Personal is concerning or

affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality. A value is a belief, a

mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful. Whether we are consciously aware of them or

not, every individual has a core set of personal values. Values can range from the

commonplace, such as the belief in hard work and punctuality, to the more psychological,

such as self-reliance, concern for others, and harmony of purpose. It also means concept

that describes the beliefs of an individual or culture.

Personal values are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define our

character. And it’s evolved from circumstances with the external world and can change

over time. Integrity in the application of values refers to its continuity; persons have

integrity if they apply their values appropriately regardless of arguments or negative

reinforcement from others. Values are applied appropriately when they are applied in the

right area.

Personal value is very important because without personal values or beliefs, we

would be mechanical-like beings, driven here and there by the vicissitudes of life. Without

values, we would be creature-like, compelled to action solely by our urges and passions.

In this inhuman existence, there would be little consideration for truths we hold dear, let

alone implement them to ennoble and enrich our lives. In this reality devoid of values, we

would live unconscious lives, without meaning or purpose. On the other hand, when we

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take to values, we live a purposeful and dynamic existence -- i.e. we become truly human.

And personal value also gives you structure and purpose by helping you determine what is

meaningful and important to you.

For the example, Powerful people also motivated and driven to implement them in

their lives. In fact, the most successful people are constantly evaluating their personal

values, and are continually driven to turn them into a living reality. For these individuals,

values are an inexhaustible source of inner power that energizes them to no end; driving

them to the heights of success, while bringing about deep fulfillment in their lives.

Our personal values are made up of ends and everything that has happened to us in

our life and include influences from: our parents and family, our religious affiliation, our

friends and peers, our education, our reading and more. Effective people recognize these

environmental influences and define and develop a clear, concise, and meaningful set of

values / beliefs, and priorities, once definite, values impact every aspect of our life.

For example, if we think about our goals and life purpose are grounded in our

value. The values we believe in and than define our character and help to be the person

that we want to be and it will help us to accomplish our goals and dreams. Personal value

comes from the choices we each made. No body knows when the time exactly we use our

personal values. It cause our personal values are automatically used. It’s just like a

mechanism that has systemized in our selves.

Some people that affect our personal value in our learning process are :

∂ Parents

Our parents are the evaluator for everything that we have done. So they will tell us

that we have done are true or not.

∂ Friends

They play roles in our learning process as the biggest influence whether it is right

or not.

∂ Environment

Because majority play roles as the adjudicator, that limit ourselves with their own

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view.

A personal value system is a set of principles or ideals that drive and/or guide your

behavior. Your personal value system gives you structure and purpose by helping you

determine what is meaningful and important to you. It helps you express who you are and

what you stand for. If you are unaware of, or become disconnected with your values, you

end up making choices out of impulse or instant gratification rather than on solid

reasoning and responsible decision-making.

They impact every aspect of your life including personal and work behaviors, your

interactions with family, friends and co-workers; your decision-making processes and the

direction you take in life. This is why it is so important to know what you value and what

is important to you.

Four Categories of a Personal Value System

Personal Values

Personal values are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define our character.

Spiritual Values

The values that connect us to a higher power and give us a sense of purpose beyond our material existences

Family Values

To love and care for those we are close to; our children, our parents, other family members, and our friends.

Career Values

The best used and expression of our talents and skills for the purposes of contributing to society and for monetary compensation.

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B. The definition friend

What is meant by the word “friend”? The dictionary defines it as: “one attached to

another by affection or esteem.” Americans use the word freely, that is a friend may or

may not be a person to whom there is a great attachment. A friend might be a casual

acquaintance or an intimate companion. Friends may have known each other since

childhood or they may have recently met. It is difficult to formulate a precise definition of

this word as it is used in the United States, because it covers many types of relationship.

a. Friendly Relationship and Friendship

You are introduced to someone and suddenly both of you are involved. Seeing

this, an American would be puzzled and would probably ask, “Have you known her for a

long time?” And he might think you are being dishonest if you said, “That was the first

time I had met her.”

Indonesian had known for their hospitality. Inviting guests to lunch or dinner may

happen on any occasion without a formal invitation in advance. The expression, “Mari

makan seadanya,” (Let’s enjoy whatever we have) indicate that the host or hostess indeed

wants guest to eat with his or her family. Is the guest a close friend of the family? Not

necessary so.

Personal relationships in the American culture are entirely different. They really

distinguish a friendly relationship is almost the same as an “acquaintanceship”

Indonesians do not distinguish friendly relationship from friendship, and therefore, they

might have difficulties and as a consequence they will consider the American friendliness

in a friendly relationship as an offer of friendship.

A friendship is a relationship without formal roles. A friendship is more a pleasant

companionship with emotional support and affection. It requires both sides to provide

extensive commitments of time and energy. However, people do not drop in at mealtimes.

In small town, neighbors might drop in, but people usually reluctant whatever they are

doing in order to visit with a friend. In big cities, it is common to call ahead to because

people do not generally open the door to unexpected visitors as a matter of security and to

discourage door-to-door salesman.

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In the Indonesian culture, it is not common for the people to call ahead since not

every home has a telephone. Moreover, hospitality in this culture allows people drop in

whenever they want to. Again, the culture does not allow the host, however busy he is at

the moment, the openly said the visit really disturbs him. Sometimes this “conflict” can be

very funny. Sensitive guest may see nonverbal language signaled by the host showing that

he is busy. But when the guest says he is to leave, the host will stop him. The appropriate

thing to do is that guests impose his leaving.

b. The Kind of Friendship

When we are young we have playmates, classmates and later office-mates or

neighbors. They are friends for Indonesia people. An acquaintance can visit without any

appointment and sometimes dines with the host or the family. On the other hand, a close

friendship may easily change because of mobility or financial problems. Most Indonesians

have difficulties in distinguishing these kinds of personal relationship. Many people who

though they had had many friends are deeply hurt when they realize they have no friends

in need.

Americans clearly distinguish these kinds of friendship. They have three kinds of

friendship: the expedient, casual and close friendship.

Expedient friends are related because of need for mutual assistance. Neighbors

who are in a friendly relationship may sometimes become expedient friends.

A casual friendship is a relationship among people who share mutual interest and

enjoy the same activities, such as a member of a team or a club or an association. They are

not responsible for giving emotional support or affection and their friendship is easily

withdrawn at any time without hurting each other.

A close friendship has a strong commitment and responsibility. They are willing to

sacrifice their time and energy when the partner need some help. However, Americans do

not like dominance nor dependence within this close friendship and each part knows how

to limit themselves in this matters. Therefore, Americans usually have few close friends

and many casual and expedient friends.

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c. A Matrix for Friendship

A matrix for friendships is a place or situation where things are happening and

people can meet. It might be a class a church, a bridge club and the like. A good matrix

for friendship must be a place for several people, give the opportunity for communication

and enough time for the audience to know each other.

A library is a place where scholars gather to read or study, but it is not a matrix for

friendship. People do not communicate nor socialize there. The best matrix for friendship

is the one allows repeated encounters. “Arisan” is one of the best matrices in the

Indonesian culture.

d. Circles of Friends

It is common for Americans to have different “circles of friends” such as church

friends, work friends, or sport friends. A person may choose not to involve members of

different circles in the same activity. People have different types of friends. One may have

many good friends and one best friend. Best friends are usually two people of the same

sex who have known each other for a long period of time. People usually have more

casual friends than close or best friends. Indonesian living in the small towns may not

have circles of friends. Everyone knows everyone. The office friend is also the neighbor

or the support friend.

e. Mobility and Friendship

Americans are geographically mobile and learn to develop friendship easily and

quickly. Approximately one out every five American families moves every year. People

relocate because they begin new job, attend distant colleges, get married, have children or

simply want a change in their lives. Perhaps as a consequence of this, people form and end

friendship quickly. Student attending two or three universities during their undergraduate

and graduate years may change their circles of friends several times.

Relationship based on a common activity may fade or end when the activity end.

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Students might meet in classes and remain friends for the duration of the course and then

stop seeing each other after the final examination. The same holds true for neighbors who

are the closest of friends until one move away. In these friendships, shared daily

experiences form the foundation for the relationship. Enduring friendships develop when

individuals have similar interest and a common outlook on life. The high rate of mobility

in the United States can explain a great deal about transient friendships.

f. Instant Friendship

It is easy to be misled by instant friendship which may appear to be deep and

personal but are really superficial. Friendship and friendliness are not synonymous.

Friendliness characterizes much of American daily interaction but is not always an

indication of friendship. Strangers may share life histories without any intention of

pursuing a relationship. Characterizing friendships is the appearance bond between them.

Brief encounters do not always imply desire for further contact. Many people frequently

smile and say, “Have a nice day” or “See you later”, or even extend an invitation as part

of cultural pattern of politeness. Such expression do not always suggest an offer of

continued friendship.

g. Male-Female Friendship

In United States men and women socialize relatively freely and develop a variety

of relationship. Single people of opposite sexes may be close friends and with share

personal problems with each other without romantically involved. There are no fixed rules

romantic or intimate relationships but there are restraints. Men and women interact in

varying degrees of intensity. Dating may be serous or casual. A couple may terminate a

relationship three after three dates or may date steadily and exclusively for a long period

of time. They may date with or without the intention of getting married. Alternatively,

people may choose to have multiple dating partners so as not to become seriously

involved with one person. The commitment and obligations of people who are dating

depend principally on the couple’s attitude.

Marriage men and women sometimes consider each other best friend as well as

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applause. They also socialize with members of the opposite sex either as couples or

independently. This does not mean that there are no constrains of the married men and

women. The limitations of these relationships are not always visible but they do exist.

Most, but not all, married American couples practice monogamous relationship.

Indonesian women never bother with these kinds of courtesies. It has never been a

part of the culture. Traditionally, it was the men who were respected and it was the task of

the women to serve the men. When the values change, and men and women have the same

right, the men are not longer “ndore” (the master) but they do not feel it necessary to

adopt western courtesies.

Changing values among Indonesians also make the male –female relationship mare

free. Student of opposite sexes going out without dating has become more common and

common. The same is with educated and career women, especially in big cities such as

Jakarta and Surabaya. However, most traditional people cannot understand it yet.

h. Dating

Dating is the special kinds of friendship between two people of the opposite sex

that may lead to love and marriage. The purpose of the dating is to allow the two people

to know each other better.

Three kinds of dates are the single date, the double date, and the blind date. The

single date involves the couple, a double date is where two couples go out together, and

the blind date is when the third person arranges for two people to meet for the first time.

American dating does not differ much from Indonesian dating, except that the

single date is the most common, and Indonesian men are usually responsible for the treat.

It is the man who is supposed to take the initiative, such as asking a girl out and deciding

where to go and what to eat. A sensitive woman has to take into consideration the finances

of the man she is dating.

Do Indonesian women have no desires? They do, and they are often able to get

what they want. Most of them know how to reveal what they have in mind through subtle

verbal.

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Americans are supposed to be direct. They are not used to hiding their feeling.

They are not like Indonesian women, who are expected to wait.

i. Intercultural Friendship

With foreign visitors, American doesn’t always to be the first ones to begin

friendships. It is possible that some Americans, because of their linguistic and geographic

isolation, are hesitant about interacting with foreigners. However, it’s important to know

that Americans are receptive to developing friendships with international visitors. In

general, it is advisable to approach American first in order to initiate friendships. One

foreign student, after having live in United States for several years, said that most

important more advice he could to newcomers would be, “ don’t be passive when it comes

to making friendship with Americans. Begin conversation, extend invitation and make the

first love.”

A characteristic of American personal relations is the absence of the fixed rules

governing them. Therefore, a variety of friendships are possible in United States. Even

within a person’s own culture, recognizing when a relationship has the potential in

develop into a friendship is not always easy. When one is living in a foreign country, one

is faced with unfamiliar friendship patterns which and to the challenge of initiating and

maintaining meaningful relationship.

C. Theories of leadership

Leadership has been described as the “process of social influence in which one

person is able to enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common

task”. A definition more inclusive of followers comes from Alan Keith of Genentech who

said "Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making

something extraordinary happen." Students of leadership have produced theories

involving traits, situational interaction, function, behavior, power, vision and values,

charisma, and intelligence among others.

a.Trait theory

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Trait theory tries to describe the types of behavior and personality tendencies

associated with effective leadership. This is probably the first academic theory of

leadership. Proponents of the trait approach usually list leadership qualities, assuming

certain traits or characteristics will tend to lead to effective leadership. Shelley Kirkpatrick

and Edwin A. Locke (1991) exemplify the trait theory. They argue that "key leader traits

include: drive (a broad term which includes achievement, motivation, ambition, energy,

tenacity, and initiative), leadership motivation (the desire to lead but not to seek power as

an end in itself), honesty, integrity, self-confidence (which is associated with emotional

stability), cognitive ability, and knowledge of the business. According to their research,

"there is less clear evidence for traits such as charisma, creativity and flexibility".

Although trait theory has an intuitive appeal, difficulties may arise in proving its

tenets, and opponents frequently challenge this approach. The strongest versions of trait

theory see these “leadership characteristics” as innate, and accordingly label some people

as "born leaders" due to their psychological makeup. On this reading of the theory,

leadership development involves identifying and measuring leadership qualities, screening

potential leaders from non-leaders, then training those with potential.

b. Leadership and emotions

Leadership can be perceived as a particularly emotion-laden process, with emotions

entwined with the social influence process. In an organization, the leaders’ mood has

some effects on his group. These effects can be described in 3 levels:

1. The mood of individual group members. Group members with leaders in a positive

mood experience more positive mood than do group members with leaders in a

negative mood. The leaders transmit their moods to other group members through

the mechanism of mood contagion. Mood contagion may be one of the psychologi-

cal mechanisms by which charismatic leaders influence followers.

2. The affective tone of the group. Group affective tone represents the consistent or

homogeneous affective reactions within a group. Group affective tone is an aggre-

gate of the moods of the individual members of the group and refers to mood at

the group level of analysis. Groups with leaders in a positive mood have a more

positive affective tone than do groups with leaders in a negative mood.

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3. Group processes like coordination, effort expenditure, and task strategy. Public ex-

pressions of mood impact how group members think and act. When people experi-

ence and express mood, they send signals to others. Leaders signal their goals, in-

tentions, and attitudes through their expressions of moods. For example, expres-

sions of positive moods by leaders signal that leaders deem progress toward goals

to be good.The group members respond to those signals cognitively and behav-

iorally in ways that are reflected in the group processes.

In research about client service it was found that expressions of positive mood by the

leader improve the performance of the group, although in other sectors there were another

findings.

c. Behavior and style theories

Managerial grid model

In response to the criticism of the trait approach, theorists began to research

leadership as a set of behaviors, evaluating the behavior of 'successful' leaders, determine

behavior taxonomy and identifying broad leadership styles.

In Indonesia, a leader might not be someone who get honour in society because as

Indonesian people understanding, they think that a person who lead this country is just not

more than a corruptor that take their rights so the value of honourable of the leader has

decreasing as the time goes by. It because the indonesian culture which can`t work well as

their job description. They more concern about how to get the prosperity as higher as

possible when they still at that position. This tradition maybe has good side because

people who did corrupt generally think about their family`s life in the future. So they keep

the investment as much as they can for their children or their`s wive needs. But they do

not think about the others people.

In America, every person knowing that corrupt behaviour is not good so the

percentation of corruptor in western country especially in America is not significan as

Indonesian have.

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d. Criticism of the concept of leadership

Noam Chomsky has criticized the concept of leadership as involving people

subordinating their needs to that of someone else. While the conventional view of

leadership is rather satisfying to people who "want to be told what to do", one should

question why they are being subjected to acts that may not be rational or even desirable.

Rationality is the key element missing when "leaders" say "believe me" and "have faith".

It is fairly easy to have people simplistically follow their "leader", if no attention is paid to

rationality. This view of Chomsky is related to his Weltanschaung and has no solid

psychological basis from the consensus of the establishment. A further challenge to the

concept of leadership is that it creates a sense of 'following' in teams and organisations.

The concept of employeeship however, is a recent approach to developing responsibility

at the work place by focusing on the skills and attitudes that each person has in common

rather than separating out leadership as an entity.

CHAPTER III

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CONCLUSION

In america FRIEND means : “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. So,

friends may have known each other since childhood or they may have recently

meet.American also known about the matrix of the friendship or the good place where

things are happened and people can meet. American commonly creates a different circle

of friends such as church friends, workfriends, or sport friends. It’s a common to them to

not involve member of different circles in the same activities. In fact, one of every five

american families move every year for a new jobs, attend distant colleges, get married,

have children or simply want a change in theiir lives.

The consequences is, people form a relationship and end relationship

quickly.Relationship based on a common activity may fade or end when the activity end.

With foreign visitor american doesn’t always to be the first ones to begin friendship. In

United States men and women socialize relatively freely and develop a variety of

relationship. Single people of opposite sexes may be close friends and with share personal

problems with each other without romantically involved.

So the American and Indonesian thinking about the value, which it friendship or

leadership are totally not in the same way. American more regard the value independently.

Like when they choose a friend they might be very selective. And they can differ which

that they can trust or just to having fun with. They will not doing everything to their best

friend easily like Indonesian do. The point of leadership in the American mind is someone

who can lead them into the top of succesful and its true, but in Indonesia the leader

commonly betrayed what his people gave to him.

Many aspect that make Indonesian and American different in their view of

personal value are the background of education that they have, the environtment, the

moral of each person and many others that can distinguish both of them. But the

differences may not just make us look fools in front of them. We can make it as a kind of

motivation to us to be better.

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