cancer preentation
TRANSCRIPT
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CANCERHOW THIS DISEASE AFFECTS
THE FAMILY
By: Jose R. Santiago
Manuel A. Lncara.
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Through the course of your loved ones
illness and after your loved ones death,
you can expect your family to change,
especially if youre caring for your loved
one at home. Changes may be big or
small, and they may be positive or not.
Some things may not change at all.
When youre thinking about how your
family is adjusting, keep this in mind,
family members are responding to two
related challenges, to your loved onesillness and dying, and to the impact that
caregiving has on the household. It can
help to know what you may expect.
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Here are some ways that your
family may respond to your lovedones illness:
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Members may have many feelings, sometimes all at
once shock, denial, anger, sadness, fear,
frustration, resentment, or even relief. They may
ask, Why us?Some family members may have
more complicated reactions that involve severe
anxiety or depression. Some may withdraw if they
feel afraid or depressed, or if they think they have
nothing to offer your loved one. Some may seem not
to react at all.They may hope for a cure even after
aggressive treatment has stopped.
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Each family member will cope with their emotions in
their own way and at their own pace. Some may
want to talk about your loved ones illness and their
feelings when others arent ready. Some may not
want to talk at all.
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Young children may become angry, clingy, or
withdrawn. They may have trouble working at
school, playing, or sleeping. They may think that
they caused your loved ones illness, and they may
fear that other family members will also become
sick and die. At different ages, children will have
different concepts about the permanence of death.
Teenage children may feel torn between their need
to become independent and their need to be with
your loved one. They may rebel or seek comfort, or
both.
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The patient and the patients spouse (or partner, or
significant other) may have difficulty expressing love
and support in the couples usual ways. Problems
that existed in the relationship before the illness
may become worse, or the couple may look past
them now.
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Whether your loved one is at home, in hospital, or in
hospice, your familys routines, roles,
responsibilities, and relationships will probably
change. Family members have to deal with new
expectations and learn to interact with each other
in new ways.
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Here are some ways that your family
may respond to caring for your loved
one:
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Family members may take on new
tasks as part of doing things that
your loved one cant do anymore, or
as part of caring for your loved one.
A member who works outside the
home may have to take on more
household duties. Another member
may have to take a job outside the
home to help support the family.
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Children and teenagers may have to
cope with tasks and situations
theyre not prepared for. Older
children may have to take care of
younger siblings. Adult children may
be challenged to care for a parent
and their children at once.
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If some family members have too
many new responsibilities or dont
feel confident about their abilities,they may feel resentful, or
overwhelmed. Members who dont
get enough self-care and support risk
BURNEDOUT.
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Depending on your situation, these family
activities may become especially challenging
Making desitions
Solving problems
setting priorities and goals
making short-term or long-term plans
assigning caregiving tasks
dividing household chores
coordinating daily activities
allowing for privacy
expressing feelingsrelating to people outside the family.
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Issues that affect the family unit may
develop or get worse, such as:
physical or mental health problems
behavioral problems
substance abuse problems
difficult relationships
financial concerns
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When it comes to deciding about a
loved ones care and treatment, for
some families its clear who will make the
decisions and what those decisions will be. For
other families, there may be many options,
conflicting opinions, and little experience in
making decisions as a family unit. Family
members may disagree about who will give
care, how, and where, and who will pay.
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Geographical distance can
complicate things. Distant family
members may feel guilty and
frustrated if they cant be near their
loved one. The members giving care
on a daily basis may feel that othersarent contributing enough.
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Many families become stronger and
closer as they work together to care
for there loved one. But some families
may not. Geographical or emotional
distance may limit contact between
family members and their loved one,
and care may be given more by professionals
than by family.
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COPING WITH CANCER RELATIVES
Coping with cancer isnt easy, but there are
things you and your family can do to adjust.
Here are some suggestions:
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Focus on your loved oneYour loved one needs your family to
be an anchor in a sea of change. If
confusion, conflict, or outright chaos
threatens, bring your familys focus
back to your mutual goal caring for
your loved one. If you need help
gaining perspective, a social worker,
counselor, or spiritual advisor can
help.
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Get practical support
Whether you need help with caregiving
tasks, household chores, childcare, or
anything else, getting practical supportis key to your familys ability to adjust.
Support can improve your loved ones
care,prevent caregiver burnout, and helpyour family make the most of the time
remaining with your loved one.
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Get emotional support
If anyone in your family is having
trouble adjusting to your loved ones
illness, to caregiving, or to changes in
family relationships, get professional
help.
Remember that your loved one may
become unable to meet the familys
emotional needs as a spouse, parent, or
sibling as before. A social worker,counselor, spiritual advisor, or support
group can help individuals or the whole
family deal with emotional and spiritual
concerns.
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Take care of yourself
Even with lots of help, caregiving can be
physically and emotionally demanding for
everyone involved.
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Communicate
Effective communication can have a
great impact on your familys ability to
cope with cancer and caregiving. Talk
openly and regularly about important
issues, such as your loved ones illness,
your feelings about your situation, and your
familys future. Make sure that you
understand each others needs and
concerns.
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Practice group efforts
If your family isnt experienced in
working together as a team, you may have
trouble making important decisions about
your loved ones care and treatment. But it
can help if you practice with smaller tasks
(like planning a family outing or choosing a
home care provider) before you face bigger
issues (like making treatment decisions if
your loved one becomes incapable, or
making final arrangements.)
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Take off your labels
Sometimes families fix members in
prescribed roles the practical one,
the emotional one, the smart one,the rebel. If you can move beyond
the limits of old labels, then you may
discover new abilities, strengths, and
ways to cope.
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Be informed
Learn more about your loved onesillness and how to give care.
These sections in particular can help:
Nutrition
Practical Help for Basic Care
Keeping Organized
Planning Ahead
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Be there for your loved one
Your loved one may never talkabout cancer or dying, but makesure your loved one knows yourethere if youre needed. Say, Im
here when youre ready to talk,orsimply, Im here.If your lovedone does open up, dont worry toomuch about saying or doing theright thing. Just be yourself. Justlisten. If you cant give your lovedone emotional support, findsomeone who can a friend,counselor, spiritual advisor, or
support group.
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Be there for your kids
If there are children in your family, they need
extra comfort and reassurance, especially if its their
parent who is ill. Tell kids whats going on, encourage
their questions, and give honest answers. Make sure
they understand that they didnt cause your lovedones illness. Keep kids involved with your loved one
it helps everyone feel less isolated and more cared
for. Try to stick to the regular routine for school,
playtime, meals, chores, and bedtime. Balance
teenagersneed for independence with the familys
need for involvement. Tell your kidsteachers about
your situation. Ask other relatives, friends, and
neighbors to help care for your kids and keep them
company.
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Be flexible
Expect your loved one and your family
to have good days and bad days. Try to
have back-up plans and supports available.
When family routines and rituals getdisrupted, be creative about how to
accommodate your familys needs. If you
cant cook your traditional family supper
every Sunday, can you go out for brunchinstead? If the family cant get out for
movie night, would renting a video work?
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Set boundaries
Your loved one may behave in ways
that make it difficult for your family to
cope, like becoming demanding or
manipulative, or withdrawing from young
children who need love and comfort. While
you may understand your loved ones
reactions, your family still deserves
respect. If your loved ones behavior
becomes unreasonable, consider having a
family meeting with your loved one. Talkopenly about challenges you share and
develop solutions. If that doesnt help, get
support from a social worker or counselor.
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Enjoy family time
Regular family gatherings can meet
practical and emotional needs. You can talkabout challenges and achievements, give
each other support, and simply be
together. If your family has a regular
spiritual practice, try to stick to your
routine, but be flexible if you need to.
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Keep the love alive
If its your spouse (or partner, or
significant other) who is ill, physical or
emotional changes may affect the usualways you express love and affection. But
communication and creativity can help
you adjust. Challenge yourselves to find
new paths to intimacy.
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In Conclusion:
The call for a strategic approach, for coordination,
collaboration and cooperation, serves as a catalyst for
developing and implementing a professional and family
strategy for cancer patient. This will ensure that the collectiveresources, expertise, knowledge and skills are strategically
developed and applied to maximum advantage, to lessen the
burden of cancer on each and every affected person.
Thanks and be Blessed
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Bibliography:
American Cancer Society,
www.cancer.org
National Cancer Institute,
www.nci.nih.gov
http://www.cancer.org/http://www.nci.nih.gov/http://www.nci.nih.gov/http://www.cancer.org/