Cambridge LimericksANTHOLOGY

Entries from FRRL’s Writing Competition 2018Illustrated by pupils of Coleridge Community College

and Glenn Dakin, FRRL Writer-in-residence 2018

FRIENDS OF ROCK ROAD LIBRARY

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This anthology is a collection of verses submitted

to the third writing competition organised by the

Friends of Rock Road Library in the winter of 2018.

Entrants were invited to write a Limerick – a style of

verse popularised by Edward Lear:

There was an Old Man with a beard,

Who said, ‘It is just as I feared!

Two Owls and a Hen,

Four Larks and a Wren,

Have all built their nests in my beard!

The competition was inspired by Glenn Dakin – writer of

children’s books, TV, and comics.

We hope that you will agree that Glenn achieved his objective

of setting a challenge that would ‘stimulate creativity and be fun’!

The competition was divided into two categories: under 16-year olds

and everyone older.

Judges were local authors, Inbali Iserles and Kay Blayney.

* These entries were not considered by the judges.

Coleridge Community College Pupil Illustrations:

Saioa Spaghar Puebla, age 11: page 13

Amina, age 11: page 15

Zander-w-s, age 11: page 18

Lucja Kubiak, age 12: page 20

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Pronoun. See. Asian

Cambridge place names can tease - Gog Magog does not flow with ease.In Bene’t and MagdaleneSome letters are dawdlin’And please explain Gonville & Caius

A bike ride through town to the BacksTakes linguistics and no little tact:

“Excusez”, “Mas lento”“Danke”, “Attento!”But Chinese is something I lack

Martin Roach

Our Regional Mayor, one James PalmerHas big plans to make Cambridge calmerWhether tunnel and tram Pods, metro or pramOr will we be riding a llama

Wendy Alderton

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An arrogant fool in a gownThought College was better than TownAnd picked a fightOn a Saturday night Over improper use of a noun

“Incongruous mauling of grammarIs like using an axe as a hammerYou must be a foolTo use the wrong tool”But he quickly tailed off with a stammer

Stephen Swift

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Such wonders has Cambridge revealed!Ramanujan made theorems yield;Franklin’s helical viewGave Crick a big clueAnd Jocelyn Bell’s signal pealed

In Cambridge, where scholars are reared,Great Newton and Darwin are cheered.The whole world’s still talkingAbout Stephen HawkingAnd everyone loves Mary Beard

Helen Payne

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Charles Darwin read no modern thesesOn base pairings T-A’s and G-C’sBut figured a wayWithout DNATo write ‘On the Origin of Species’

Stephen Swift

Darwin at Christ’s began to solve,How we human’s did slowly evolve,And irascible Erasmus of psychological wit,He did stay a Queen’s for quite a bit

Nigel Blackmore

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Not known for garrulous talkingMy indecipherable squawkingMeans I just cannot rhymeA Brief History of TimeI’m the parrot of Stephen Hawking

Stephen Swift

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James Watson long after the BeagleJoined Crick in the bar of The EagleWhile downing a beer heAnnounced the new theoryOf what makes a seagull a seagull

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Nancy Hogg

A geneticist named Fredericowas keen to visit The Eaglehe used Park & Ridebut then nearly criedwhen he realised he’d been in The Regal

Stephen Swift

While mulling new concepts at Trinity Newton lurked in his room when in it he Remembered the appleWhich caused him to grappleWith gravity, mass and infinity

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Stephen Swift

Now everyone knows that our genesAre providing the ways and the meansTo pass on our traitsAnd those of our matesSo the will-be’s can match the have-beens

1958’s mischievous yoofBrought curmudgeonly cries of reproofWhen eyes raised to heaven Saw an old Austin SevenPerched on the Senate House roof

There once was a fellow called Hawking,he decided he wanted to go snorkling,So he jumped in the Cam,found some old cans,and stayed with the fish talking

Finn Walker, age 11

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There once was a town on the Cam,Famous from here to Siam,Once known for its choirs,Its churches, its spires,It’s now just one big traffic jam!

Glenn Dakin*

In the beautiful City of Cambridge all College Student and GownIs the incredible Mathematical bridge equal = to any around.A plus + for multiples x of tourists who visit to see but call.If minus – nails why won’t it divide :- and fall?

David Hathaway

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There once was a miserable man,Who was stuck in a traffic jam,He dived the CamAnd he swam and he swamUntil he arrived in Afghanistan!

Liam Dethlafsen, age 11

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Cambridge, a town to delight.Shops open most of the night.I have to be at workThe traffic is berserkOh No! I’m late for work tonight

Maya Sukkaem, age 11

Cambridge a town to delight,Where car drivers tense with all their might,They twist and they turn,When they fall they’ll learnOh look there’s a fight in my sight

Charlie George O’Rourke, age 12

There once was a town on the CamIt caused such a bad traffic jam,The roads were blocked up with cars, By now I could have gone to Mars,The cars were even slower than I am!

Poppy White, age 11

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Cambridge, a town of delightWhere cyclists run red lightsCars are beepingBikes are squeakingOh what a wonderful sight!

Amina, age 11

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Cambridge a town to delight,Where cars and bikes get into fightsCars swerving in fear,While cyclists cheer,Oops, now the police are in sight!

Marli Carroll, age 11

A cross-channel swimmer called Saul,Didn’t mind freezing water at all,He said icy sea,Does not worry me,I grew up near Jesus Green pool!

Glenn Dakin*

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There once was a town on the CamWhere there is always a traffic jam,I love school but hate the weather,In Cambridge there is nothing better,I like hanging out with my fam!

Keeli Manning, Age 11

Cambridge, a town to delight,The perfect place to spend the night,Wandlebury so green,Here no-one needs a screen,This is why Cambridge is like a dream

Amelia Banks, age 12

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Cambridge a town to delightWhere cars and bikes tend to fight,Crashing and burning,Stomachs churning,Cambridge is truly a delight

Zander-w-s, age 11

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There once was a place, Parker’s Piece,Where reality often did cease,When up rose the fog,Every person or dog,Disappeared despite nearby police

Alexa Minett

This city is worldwide renownedFor the number of things it has foundIf you’ll lend me your earI’ll list some of them hereBut the pun in the last line’s unsound

Helen Payne

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Cambridge, a town to delightThere are lots of students brightThe fish swim in the lakeThey never get a breakCambridge, a town to delight, right?

Kyle Hamilton-Young, age 11

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With retirement driving me crazyI enrolled in U3 and AC.Now I’m one of the smartiesTaking French and Pilates,Or maybe Greek, as my memory’s hazy

Martin Roach

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There was once a student called SamWho lived near the River Cam He went to a schoolWhere he acted the foolThat silly young student called Sam

Cherish Wheedon, age 11

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A Cambridge undergrad SueWas sporty and diligent tooShe excelled at genetics Came first in athleticsAnd left with a first and a blue

While Great St Mary’s prayedA graffiti artist paint-sprayed “The saucy old vicar’s Made off with my knickers”All the way down Kings Parade

A student with no sense of gravityGot caught up in Rag Week depravityWith fellow carousersHe misplaced his trousersAnd revealed his hairy concavity

The don when he kissed her heKnew her loose historyHe’d heard it was rashTo chase kicks for cashSo his blistery bits were no mystery

Stephen Swift

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Cambridge, a town to delight,Boasts many a marvellous sight,But the strangest I’ve seen,Down beside Jesus Green,Is a cyclist stop at a red light!

Glenn Dakin*

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Cycling in Cambridge can oft be unwise,As is throwing things off the Bridge of Sighs.But stop at Fitzbillies,If you have the chillys,And let the tea and warm buns tantalise!

To cycle here takes lots of courageIt’s a bit like biking through porridgeBut this beautiful cityWith views o so prettyTo visit I always encourage

Carole Johnson

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There once was a cow on Coe FenWho, every now and again,Stood near the bike pathAnd (just for a laugh)Deposited cow pats times ten!

Katherine Kent

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In Cambridge a ‘gown’ of renown,Gave lectures all over the town,He spoke with such force,He made himself hoarse, And finally had to lie down

Hugh Morgan

There once was a street called Mill RoadThe inhabitants très à la modeThe shops independentThe cafés resplendantSo for brunch was where everyone rode

Naomi Davies

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Cambridge a town to delightStars which sparkle in the nightSliding on the frostIt’s dark, don’t get lostWinter is here, snow it might

Molly Needham, age 11

Cambridge, a town of delightThe town that’s full of bright lightThe town of dreamsThat’s full of interesting scenesEspecially in the dark night

Ernestas Rizgelis, age 11

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When December is darkest and bringsHarsh wintery weather that stingsWe crave festive cheerSo it’s lovely to hearNine Lessons and Carols from Kings

Stephen Swift

The people of old Cambridge townRepeatedly feel they’re let down.Growth’s a pain in the arseWhen planning’s a farceNo wonder we all wear a frown

Sam Davies

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In Cambridge, to have an abodewithin easy reach of Rock Road,Means that, if you are quickwith a slick limerick,There’s a library prize for an ode

Hugh Morgan

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Rock Road - it would not be completeWith no library where neighbours could meetFor chats recreationalAnd books educational On Cambridge’s friendliest Street

Stephen Swift

Rock Road Library, so I am told,Has delights to enchant young and old.It is loved by its FriendsAnd whoever attendsWill be welcomed there into the fold

Helen Payne

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If boredom makes your head explodeAnd you love good books by the loadThen come for a treatat a place that’s quite sweetIt’s the library we call Rock(y) Road!

Glenn Dakin*