Away Messages

Calvin and Hobbes:

Attitude -- You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. Yeah, you can't be cool if you don't have an attitude.--CalvinBest Friend -- Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend. --CalvinEnjoy Where We Are -- Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly. We are so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are. -- Calvin

HW or Snow -- I should be doing my homework now. But the way I see it, playing in the snow is a lot more important. Out here I'm learning skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life - procrastinating and rationalizing. -- CalvinJob Badly Enough -- If you do a job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again. -- CalvinKilling Time -- I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness. -- CalvinLucky Underpants -- You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. -- CalvinMind Wander -- I let my mind wander and it didn't come back. -- CalvinNever Die -- I was put on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I'm so far behind I will never die. -- CalvinWhat I Want to Know: I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. -- CalvinPrinciples: I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway. -- CalvinReality -- Reality continues to ruin my life. -- CalvinStories With No Point -- I'd hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point. -- CalvinTests -- I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

-- CalvinWeekends -- Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. -- CalvinWork for Everything -- Why should I have to work for everything? It's like saying that I don't deserve it. -- CalvinWriting -- I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! -- CalvinDream -- I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can play together all night! -- HobbesSmug -- The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it. --HobbesChildhood is Short -- Childhood is short and maturity is forever. -- CalvinNo Adventure -- I haven't had any adventures! My life has been one big bore from the beginning. -- CalvinIt’s Sunday -- It's Sunday. I've just got a few precious hours of freedom left before I have to go to school tomorrow. -- CalvinGreatest Man -- -I've been thinking. Suppose I grow up to be one of the world's greatest men of all time. Suppose my name will be an inspiration to humanity for eons to come. -- CalvinHiccup Cures -- I think most hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends. -- HobbesJelly Doughnuts -- Jelly doughnuts gross me out. They're like eating giant, squishy bugs. You bite into them and all their purple guts spill out the other end. -- CalvinDog-Eat-Dog World -- It's a dog-eat-dog world, so I'll do whatever I have to, and let others argue whether it’s "right" or not. -- CalvinJungle out of Tiger -- You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the tiger. -- HobbesSuper Genius -- People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. -- Calvin

Only Human -- The problem with people is that they are only human. -- HobbesStupendous Man -- Yes! It's ... Stupendous Man! Friend of freedom! Opponent of oppression! Lover of liberty! -- Stupendous Man

Rudeness and Disrespect -- A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of

wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. -- CalvinGreen Knees -- I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life.-- CalvinSkills Patient to Learn -- The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life. -- CalvinNothing You Want -- There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. -- CalvinIntelligent Life -- Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. -- CalvinUp to Something -- People pay more attention to you when they think you're up to something. -- CalvinNot Responsible -- Life is a lot more fun when you're not responsible for your actions.-- CalvinBad Day Worse -- To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.-- Calvin10 Seconds -- If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway. -- CalvinNever Children -- People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children. -- CalvinMake Me Care -- You can present the material, but you can't make me care. -- CalvinReality I Accept -- It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept. -- CalvinCommon Sense -- I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it. -- CalvinPeace with the World -- I'm at peace with the world. I'm completely serene. I've discovered my purpose in life. I know why I was put here and why everything

exists... I am here so everybody can do what I want. Once everybody accepts it, they'll be serene too. -- CalvinPrice So Low -- I don't know which is worse... that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low. -- HobbesMinute At College -- Everytime you make a deposit, you can think, "Oh boy, another two minutes at college." -- Calvin’s DadBlame Things -- It's a lot more fun to blame things than to fix them. -- Calvin Airplane -- When you think how well basic appliances work, it's hard to believe anyone ever gets on an airplane. -- CalvinCoexist -- It's hard to co-exist with things that want to kill you.Mail -- The longer you wait for the mail, the less there is of it. -- CalvinVicariously Living -- Dad are you vicariously living through me in the hope that my accomplishments will validate your mediocre life and in some way compensate for all the opportunities you botched? -- CalvinGirls and Bugs -- I imagine girls and bugs have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it. -- CalvinGirls Go On Living -- It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men are bigger, stronger and better at abstract thought than women. Really, if you are a girl, what would make you go on living? -- CalvinBed Poem -- At night my mind does not much careIf what it thinks is here or there.It tells me stories it inventsAnd makes up things that don't make sense.I don't know why it does this stuff.The real world seems quite weird enough. -- CalvinBed Poem (2) -- Now I'm in bed,The sheets pulled to my head.My tiger is here making Zs.He's furry and hot.He takes up a lotOf the bed and he's hogging the breeze. -- Calvin

Behavior is Addictive -- My behavior is addictive functioning in a disease process of toxic co-dependency. I need holistic healing and wellness before I'll accept any responsibility for my actions. -- CalvinCalamity -- Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. But it is too late to change anything. -- CalvinVan Gogh -- Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he put tigers in them. -- HobbesLife can Get Worse -- That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse -- Calvin

Good Compromise -- A good compromise leaves everybody mad. -- CalvinEssence of the Male Mind -- Idiocy is the essence of the male mind. -- CalvinLaugh at Senselessness -- I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life. -- CalvinHumor -- In humor, timing is everything -- CalvinComplete Pandemonium -- Do the words 'complete pandemonium' strike terror in your heart?" -- CalvinHave Something -- When you get something, it's new and exciting. When you have something, you take it for granted and it's boring. -- CalvinCalvinball Poem -- Other kids' games are all such a bore! They gotta have rules and they gotta keep score! Calvinball is better by far! It's never the same! It's always bizarre! You don't need a team or a referee! You know that it's great cause it's named after me! -- CalvinResource Consuming Kid -- I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in and overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak. -- CalvinCalvinball -- Get out the time-fracture wickets, Hobbes! We're gonna play Calvinball!

-- CalvinHow Things Oughta Be -- Nobody asks me how things oughta be! I've got tons of ideas! -- CalvinLemons -- I say, when life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own! -- CalvinWishful Thinking -- I guess there's no harm in a little wishful thinking. -- HobbesInteresting Times -- These are interesting times. We don't trust the government, we don't trust the legal system, we don't trust the media, and we don't trust each other! We've undermined all authority, and with it, the basis for replacing it! It's like a six-year-old's dream come true! -- CalvinBitter and Cynical -- Now, a lifetime of experience has left me bitter and cynical. -- CalvinWarped Values -- If warped values are the price of a vicarious thrill, so be it! -- CalvinWhims into Principles -- Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles! -- CalvinCannobilism -- Miss Wormwood, could we arrange our seats in a little circle and have a little discussion? Specifically, I'd like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders since it is less wasteful.-- CalvinIgnorance is Bliss -- If ignorance is bliss, this lesson would appear to be a deliberate attempt on your part to deprive me of happiness, the pursuit of which is my unalienable right according to the declaration of independence. I therefore assert my patriotic prerogative not to know this material. I'll be out in the playground.

Calvin