ca storyboard pitch peer feedback

8/12/2019 CA Storyboard Pitch Peer Feedback

1/18

27

No, we know things about him but we don't really know

anything about his personality of what he likes, ect.

It is very sad and a little depressing, I'm notsure if that is the mood you were going for

or not though. The girlfriend is leaving

Very interesting; have to keep

watching!

27

All I know about that character is that her boyfriend hasleft her. There are not enough details to connect with oridentify the character

I think everything goes to fast; it would bebetter if there are more details moving to different country

Probably will not keep watching; donot feel connected

27 kinda but i could connect with the character yes but maybe explain more girl leaving the country --Select--

27I wasn't able to connect to the character in the first actyet!

I think there should be more characterdevelopment in the beginning! Mykala is leaving the country

Could be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

27 Maybe describe more of the charactersI like how her introduction is kind of a storyand the rising action is good. The girl leaving


27

Well, maybe some of us will identify with the feeling of

love..? However I don't think all high school studentshave gone through true love..... But I guess they wouldsympathize.

yes, explains throughly main character'semotionlessness and stress from school Mikayla leaves the country


27There isn't enough information about the main actor. Act Ineeds to be slightly longer.

There was a sufficient amount ofinformation. Since this is a music video, itdoes lead to Act II. Leaving the Country


27Yes, the character's characteristic was applied in thebeginning very well.

I feel like before the flashback, a scene canbe just a bit longer so that the setting andcharacters are clear. Leaving the country


77Yes there was enough information portrayed about themain character. I felt like I sort of knew him.

Yes, I really liked the beginning of the film

because it made me want to watch more ofthe film to find out why the main characterwas in a room with a man taking notesabout him. It's not confusing. Main character goes to the party

Very interesting; have to keepwatching!

27Yes. But there should be more information about theactor.

Yes there was because it clearly shows itin the beginning and the flashback. Mikayla's leaving the country


27 YesYes, good idea to open the film with themain conflict. The girl is leaving the country --Select--

27 Yes, noyes, because she made a huge impact onhow macella is leaving the country. She was leaving


27

I think there should be more information about thecharacter in act1 because the audience has to connectwith the character from the start to stay interested.

There were definitely enough informationto lead to the rising action.

the main character ;eaves thecountry.


27Yes. I couldn't quite connect with the main characterthough.

I like how the first scene starts off with aproblem of the girl leaving. girl leaving


27 yes yes, it is a good start of the film She is leavig the countryCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

17 Yes.

She did a good job explaining therelationship between the daughter and herdad. no


17 Yes, I can understand the characterreally good job with it, i can relate to theawkward family eating part dog


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Did you feel there was enough info portrayed about themain actor? Did you connect or could you identify with

the main character?

Was there enough story background on thesetting, situation, and characters in Act I to

efficiently lead into the rising action andconflict in Act II?

What was the catalst event?

20 second decision. How muchinterest would you have in watching

this film past 20 seconds puttingaside any bias.


2/18

17yes it was well explained, i could connect with the storyreally well yes, it sounds really interesting dad doesn't give her enough love


17There waas enough information about the maincharacter. It's a cute story.... She feels the emptiness


17There was enough information about the main characteras i could imagine the awkwardness between the family. yes. It had enough information. the character's not loved


17 Yes. We can see what kind of girl she is. Yes it's described very well.She wants attention from her dadbut he won't give it to her.


17

I could feel the sorrow and jealousy of the maincharacter. I feel sympathy for her. She is rejected by hisdad because of the dog.

Yes there was enough background. goodstoryline flows well.

realize that dog is getting moreattention from her dad.


70 The characters were described well. I like her introduction feelings the emptiness

Could be good...will keep watching a

litte more and then decide

17

The girl seems to be shy and feels unloved andunwanted. She takes comfort in the dog but doesn't seemto get along well with the father. She does seem to be onokay terms with the mother.

The family seems very awkward, the daddoesn't seem to know how to interact withthe daughter very well, the mother appearsto care and the daughter seems to be veryshy and lonesome.

Dad chooses the dog over thedaughter

Not sure...50/50...maybe will keepwatching, maybe not

17 Good job. Make sure to show clear emotions.The beginning is very odd, and I want tofind out more about what happens later on.

The main character realizes thatthe dog is getting more attention


17 Yes, she is lonelky YesDad choosing the dog instead ofhis daughter


17 Yes: disappointment and do Awkwardness with the family sets the tone. feels empty (dog walk)Very interesting; have to keepwatching!

17 Yes, the awkward relationship among the family Yes, Dog gets more attention --Select--

17

I think she portrayed just enough information about themain character to keep the audience connected, becausesome people will have that experience as well/

I like how she set the situation at the start,saying that there is awkwardness betweenthe family, and she establishes the maincharacter pretty well, in my opinion.

father walks with dog instead ofmovie with daughter/maincharacter


17 Sympathize with the poor girl Awkwardness within the family

His dad is going for a walk withthe dog instead of watching amovie with his daughter


17

I guess there was a sufficient amount of info portrayedabout the main character, although I feel like it wouldhave been better if you had something showing whathappened BEFORE the dog came into her life-- showingmore of a compare/contrast kind of thing.

Starting with tension in the beginning--/good./ It would be a good idea if you couldmake the clattering of the eating utensilsagainst the plates audible in the beginning,so that the silence of conversation will behighlighted within the film.

The main character feels theemptiness inside as the dog getsmore attention than her.


17Yes, because the main actor feels lonely, and the dog isbeing liked more than the main actor.

Yes, at the beginning, you can notice theawkwardness within the family. The dogadds a slight bit of competition between themain actor and the dog, which does lead toAct II.

The dog is more important thanthe main character.


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3/18

17yes, but it was confusing in a way how you used a dog,so i couldn't connect with the main character

I found it kind of weird that she was jealousof her dog... I understand the situation of

how she wanted her dad's attentionthough. dog is getting more attention


17yes the characters were described well. I could tell thatthe characters well all awkward I liked how she had a good start

she feels the emptiness and shefeels like the dog is getting moreloved


13 Yes. the shopkeeper working till night time. Overall I really liked it. nopeVery interesting; have to keepwatching!

13 yeap i can really relate

I think you did a good job with describingthe setting, etc but try make the beginningmore interesting. not sure


13

The was quite a bit of information shown about theperson because she was interviewing the person andtherefore you see a lot more of their personality.

It seems to give a very good idea aboutwhere she is doing the documentary.Maybe she could talk about why the peopleare selling illegally imported goods since itseems to be a very important part of thestory.

Asking how they sell illegalgoods.


13 Yes. She slowly peels the onion of the main actor.

Try to grab more attention in the beginningso that people are dragged into the story.Documentaries can sometimes be boringso try to make the beginning really

interesting. not specified

Not sure...50/50...maybe will keep

watching, maybe not

13Shop keeper organizing at night makes the viewer feelsympathetic

I like how the narration sets the tone. Itmight be better to show the night marketclosing action along with the narration Questions asked


13Shopkeeper and the interviewer- very detailed (casualquestions)

Good introduction of the marketplace. Itseems good. The interview


13

Who is the main character? the shopkeepers? it is veryinteresting. I feel the hardships of the shopkeeper, how

he has to work illegally but also deal with the customers.

Good introduction to the setting,developing the general view of thedocumentary. "Night market" is a veryinteresting topic. I think it is very sensitive

topic dealt with illegal markets. Getting the clothes illegally.


watching!

13Yes, everyone is hard working and this portrays a goodexample of hard working

Yes, it talks about the negative thingsabout the night market first. Illegal products sold


13Not sure if I could feel connected to the main topic of thefilm.

There is enough background, but I don'tbelieve the audience of high schoolstudents will get easily interested in thesubject.

Illegal processing of gettingclothing products


13 Not muchGood beginning, but I was a little confusedwhere exactly the film was going.

Illegal processing of getting theclothes


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4/18

13

I think the interview helps the viewers get attached to theinterviewed person. However, i think it's important not toget too personal with the interviews so the viewer is nottoo attached to the person who is interviewed as it mightdistract them from the main focus of the documnetary.

I like the use of contrast between the bigofficial shopping mall and the illegal little

market. The narration also helps theviewers understand the information aboutthe night market. However, I think youcould describe more about dongdemoonitself, its popularity and how the nightmarket works to draw the viewers intentioninto the documentary.

the fact that the market wasillegal.


13

There is lots of information about the shop keeper andhow he lives, I feel sympathy towards him. However, ithink when you are interviewing, you should give some

privacy to the person you are interviewing, at least keeptheir name private, unless they are fine with it.

Lots of information about the shop keeper,

which is good because it helps us connectwith the character.

The catalst was that he got thegoods illegally


13

There was enough information about the main actor, but Icouldn't notice anything that could connect with theaudience.

The background information is sufficient,but a documentary of a shop-keeper(?)doesn't appeal too much. Act I does notbuild up to the catalyst well enough. Illegal Process of Getting Clothes


13 i dont feel very connected to the main character thoughyes. however i dont see how this all leadsto the conflict. illegal clothes


13More description of the characters will help the film and Ilike her storyline. Yes Illegal products


13 yes there was enough info yes the setting was explained thoroughly explaining the illegal productsCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

13

Yes, I thought that there was enough info to have peopleinterested in the video, but I wasn't really able to connectwith the main character.

I was able to find more about theshopkeeper during the interview which Ithought was good.

They import illegal products fromChina


13

To make viewers even more sympathize with the workerat the night market, you should show a scene of themworking busily in the cold

The establishing shot and the captionreally shows the setting well. The illegal process


13 yes the character were described alot

yes, as she explained more I can know

more about the main character selling illegal products from china



66 when they put on the friendship ring. YES. Alexa was bulliedVery interesting; have to keepwatching!

66Yes. I really liked the idea of two characters having thesame birthday as it conveys their special friendship.

I think you could show Alexa kicking thefloor or drawing something on the floor toconvey that she was waiting for a longtime. bullied


66 I can sort of relate to this.The various actions give out a sense ofreality. Alexa was bullied


66I feel very connected. I also had friendship rings. but lostit now...

I like how you start with Alexis sitting alone

in the swing. I like how the best friendshave same birthday. I can really see howthey are very close together. Alexa was bullied


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the main character?


efficiently lead into the rising action andconflict in Act II? What was the catalst event?




5/18

66 A little confusing but interesting characters.Maybe make the fact that it's both of theirbirthdays clear Alexa was bullied


66 YesYes, it showed friendship rings which areextremely powerful bullied


66Yes, she described the characters well, and she coulddescribe more.

Yes, the introduction was well described,and maybe she could describe more abouthow their birthday's on the same day, andemphasis the date. Her general setting andthe introduction is very good! Bullying


66

Good job with the idea about friendship. A lot of peoplewill relate to it. Would it be ok to repete the same scenesas the last? It MIGHT bore some people.

Try make it more interesting by the soundsof the swing squeaking as Alexis waits. getting bullied


66 Yes, the questions asked!I like how the birthday presents starts outthe story. Alexa was bullied


66yes people can really connect well because it'ssomething that can happen in our lives.

I like how the friends has a good mood andreally shows their relationship with eachother. alexa was bullied


66The main characters are pretty easy to identify-it wouldbe very easy to tell that they are best friends.

Very detailed background information.Good job The Girl is bullied


13

Will you be featuring just one vendor at the night market?

If not, I think it would be better to do so. I mean, it'sawesome to get a lot of opinions, but it would be evenawesome-r to receive a lot of opinions about the samesubject.But if you use just one shopkeeper, then yes, like whatMr. Heil said, give more background information aboutthe shopkeeper himself instead of just his job.

Will you show a compare/contrast matchwith the narration (i.e. a group of friendslaughing on their way to the night market,

and then switch the attention of theaudience to another group of peopleunpacking the items they need to sell)? Ifnot, then I would recommend doingsomething along those lines; it wouldcreate more of an impact and a reactionfrom the audience, to paint the differencebetween the two worlds. Illegal product trafficking


66 She explains the character's personality very well. Yes it was very well set up. bulliedNot sure...50/50...maybe will keepwatching, maybe not

66

I really liked how I could connect with the friendship partof the story. Maybe you could give one character trait thateach of the friend is known for!

There was a lot of action, but I wasn't ableto clearly identify the characters and whatkind of personality they possessed. girl is bullied


66I understand the relationship between the maincharacters. good start that establishes the situation girl gets into a good fight


66

The main actor was described pretty well, and manypeople have friendships that close and it makes you feellike you're very involved in the film. However, i didn't feelmuch about the beginning

It's really cute how they have the samebirthday. It might have been better to showtheir relationship between each other fromthe beginning, because I was confusedand thought they were dating alexa was bullied


66 yes she did a good job in describing in detail Alexa was bulliedCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

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6/18

66 The relationship is very obvious and well-developed.The beginning establishes the situationvery well, and leads nicely to Act II. The Girl gets into a fight


84 It shows what kind of a person she is and how she feels. Yes it also very good camera angles.Her best friend didnt tell herabout an application.


84 Yes, worried friends Yes, good rising action. The main character is leavingVery interesting; have to keepwatching!

84 I couldn't really connect with the charactersGood beginning. Try to make things a littlemore clear. Try to grab my attention Antagonist walks away


84More information about the character would be good inmy opinion.

I thnk you jumped to the actions a little toofast. Notice that right at the beginning ofthe story you said that she was crying,before any information was yet conveyed

the her or her friend, plus we don't yetknow if she was established as the maincharacter. friends fight


84 not reallly Im confused When the antagonistProbably will not keep watching; donot feel connected

84

I feel connected. I once had to move schools and leavemy best friend. Maybe show a little flashback of the bestfriends holding hands and walking while laughingtogether when they were little to show how they werereally close together. Maybe them wearing same t-shirts

that says "Friendship".

"Friends never say goodbye."Maybe show the first friend throwing anapkin or something to make her look

more angry. Antagonist walks away. --Select--

84I can relate, make sure you make their facial expressionsreally clear.

Maybe add more action to the beginning tomake it more interesting. walking away


84 yes but maybe show how they are best friendsyes i like the dramatic beginning, whichreally sets the mood for the audience. friend walks away in anger


84No. Maybe there should be more detailed descriptions tohelp us better understand the personalities

It's an interesting concept that your bestfriend turns into an antagonist. It's a sort ofirony that someone who used to be yourbest friend can turn against you. The antagonist walks away


84 There should be more information about the main actor

Yes, but there should be more description

about the settings because it was hard tounderstand the story line Antagonist walks away


66

She seems to really be identifiable. As in, you candefinitely relate to the character and how she is beingbullied by others and also because she seems a bit of aloner and she doesn't live very well.

They both seem to enjoy each otherscompany, maybe show a little more of theirrelationship in the beginning. Good ideawith the flash forward.

Alexa was bullied because shedidn't have money.


84

There weren't enough information but then i think it would

be conveyed later on.

i think their friendship can be better shownby showing closer relationship betweenthem such as close up of their eyesmeeting to convey they understand each

other. Antagonist walks away



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7/18

66

Yes, Alexa is poor and brings a lot of pity. Yes

Alexa is bulliedCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

84

It is very vague to understand the main actor at thebeginning. Act I may have been rushed a bit too quickly.To fix the problem, slow down at the beginning.

The main actor was crying, but then itquickly changed to an action before anybackground information was developed.There should be a few extra 30 secondsbefore the music (if it even started in Act I)to explain the situation. Friends fight


84

I don't think the friend would be mad just because thefriend has hidden something. Everyone has privacy, andmost friends respect the privacy. If I were the friend, Iwould feel bad for not being with her when she had needme.

I like the the clear situation that thecharacter is in. However, the beginning istoo mainstream that might not attractpeople.

friend walks inCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

84Not enough development of the characters. Add moredramatic characteristics.

It is kind of difficult to comprehend themood of the character. Make it moreobvious. The friends fight


84yes, she did a good job describing the relationshipbetween the two character I like the good start of the film

When the antagonist walks awaybecause she is mad


84not enough... i feel a bit connected though, cause i havehad friends leave too

not quite, it was just enough for me to tellthat they were really close friends antagonist walks away


84

I was able to identify that the two friends were reallyclose to each other, but I think it would be better if itshowed more anger and conflict between the two due tothe moving of schools of the girl

I like the conflict between the two friendswhich makes the audience interested in thebeginning. antagonist walks away


84

I don't really see why the antagonist would get /mad/ atthe protagonist, because generally friends would get sadonce they find out that their friend is going to leave...right? Reveal more information about why the antagonistmad about her leaving (like will she be all aloneotherwise? What will happen if her best friend leavesher?) so that the audience can feel for her more.

How will you show that they have beenfriends for a long time? As you will not

have any dialogue, it will be more difficultto express things via motion only, yes? Ithink it would be better if you had somesort of crutch/object representing theirfriendship, so you could start out with themain character turning the object over andover in her hand sadly to help give off the"sad" feeling even more.

The antagonist gets mad at theprotagonist


84

Yes, I often feel as if I get mad at my friends for noreason. And many kids, especially from YISS, know what

it feels like to move around and switch schools.

Yes, interesting how the girl seems normalat first, but viewers find out that she is madby the zoom

Main character gets mad atantagonist


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8/18

32She should show more about the main actress and whatshe's like.

She sets up each scene very well and itgot me to want to watch it. the dress rips


33 When Mary cant go to the prom. I really like it The Main character gets madCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

33I don't think the male audience can relate to the drama ofthe film. Also, not enough characteristics of the character. Not enough development of the characters. The dress rips


33

I couldn't really identify with the main character because Ididn't really know the main character. Try to develop thecharacter.

Not enough development of the characters.Just actions arent enough. I'm kind ofconfused of what's going on. The dress rips


33 I can really relate.Smart phones don't really make typingsounds... do they? dress rips


33

Since most people who will watch are going to Asian, it

would be easy for us to sympathize with the sister who isreally sensitive about the grades. Also, since most peoplecare about what they wear at the prom, it would be easyto sympathize with the protagonist.

I like the clear portrait of the situation theprotagonist is in: failing math quiz, wantingto go to the prom, and getting her dressripped

dress getting ripped/boyfriendrefusing to go to prom


33

Yes, students sympathize a lot about studies and thestress from getting bad grades. I think you should showMary looking around so hard to find the perfect dressbefore it get's ruined, so that the viewers will go "awwwno!!" when it gets ripped.

Yes, the bad grades and the dress gettingruined shows a lot of conflict and problems Her dress was ruined


33

i could tell how the story was structured, but i wasn't quiteconnect to the main character because i thought it didntmake sense how the maths test and prom connected

show how the first setting is in the livingroom. i couldn't tell at first. maybe youcould have showed how the maths testconnects with the prom, such as her mombeing mad about her score or something.also, show what she does with her promdress, instead of just "taking it". the dress rips


33

Yes. It was clearly established that Laura was Mary's

sister. However, the viewers might be confused as to ifLaura is Mary's sister or her mother. By having lines suchas "You're not even my mother", it would be betterconveyed that Laura is not Mary's mother.

To convey powerlessness and the sadnessof Mary, using the downshot will create asense of helplessness and power of

dominance of laura over Mary. You couldalso show like a close up shot of Mary'sbest friend expression to show that sheworries about Mary. The dress rips.


33There are enough vivid descriptions that give us a clearidea of the characters.

You could use a dark lighting and generallydark background to match with thecharacter's dejected sentiments. The dress rips


33I don't really connect with Mary. I think the result of "F" inmath test is dramatized too much.

Laura and Mary. Mary failed math test.George is Mary's boyfriend, but why wouldhe just reject Mary just because she

doesn't have a dress? I think Georgeshould be the guy who helps Mary out andsympathize her. dress rips


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9/18

32Yes the main character is like a clumsy and desperateperson for a guy Yes, good action! dress rips


33yes there was enough information for the viewers tounderstand the story.

I could really feel the tension in thebeginning, which is a good mood to set forthe viewers. dress rips


33 Yes

Yes, maybe she could show how much shewants to go to the prom by crying or beingreally depressed because it's reallyimportant to her. The dress rips


33 The catalyst is not very strong.

How is the math test and the prom related?Is it because you need a good grade to getinto the prom? The development is slightly

vague, and should be explained better bytalking about the relations between gradesand prom. People gets a letter?


33I really liked how you used twitter, something that mostpeople know about, to develop the story!

Show more of the character's feeling (herdepression) throughout the story. dress rips


33

Who is Laura? maybe describe her a bit more. Peoplecan relate to the character because of her gradeproblems. People understand what it feels like to be introuble because of their grades and you really feel pity forMary. You might feel more pity for her though if you show

how much Mary cares for George or really wants to go tothe prom. You could maybe have a scene of her with herfriends purchasing the prom dress and her talking abouthow excited she is.

I like how there is action straightaway, it isa real audience attention-grabber. maybeyou could explain a little about why it

matters so much to Laura that she got abad grade in Math. With tweeting youmight have to bring the camera really closeto the computer and risk good stabilization. The prom dress rips


33

I wasn't hearing everything, so I could have missedsomething, but I think it would be better if you gave thesister more of a motive to steal the dress. Are they twins,so they both have to go to the prom? Is the sisterjealous? This way, the audience will be able to see the

sister in a worse light, and sympathize more with themain actress.

It's good to show that your main characterhas a lot of followers! This will prove to bea major part of your film, right? I think thatit would be better if this information wasrevealed earlier, though, so that it wouldgive more of a reason as to why the main

character resorts to Twitter to complainabout her problems. the dress rips


33 yes, the characters were well describedyou should tell a little bit more about thefeeling of the character the dress rips


33 I feel pretty connected with the character.

well done establishing the start of themovie. But maybe explain how the promand the math test are related. you said thatshe failed her math test, and that meansthat she can't go to the prom? explain why. she gets a letter


42 There weren't that many details I could relate to

You could use more descriptions to show

more details He's a loner


watching!

42Yes, the main character was a bully but now things willchange Yes, really good rising action no ones talking to him


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10/18

42 I like it :D I like it :D no one is talking to him.Very interesting; have to keepwatching!

42perhaps work more about the inner characteristics of theHenry

Try to make sure that you explain moreabout the setting no response on his birthday


42

I don't feel connected with the bully. I think people wouldfeel more sympathy with those who get bullied.Obviously, no one would celebrate bully's birthday. The bully's character is strongly developed. no one celebrates bully's birthday


42 Explain more about the character I like how the story was really well written.he doesnt get a response fromhis friend.


41Different personalities of the main character looks canconfuse peoiple

You might want to think about changingyour character who can maybe fit better. When the antagonist walks away


42

yes, i could picture everything happening well and

smoothly, with angles and cuts. maybe when he goes toschool, do a fast arc shot around the main character toshow the confusion and mixed feelings.

it's really interesting because I don't thinkI've seen a bully as a main characterbecause they're usually the antagonists.

no one's talking to him on hisbirthday --Select--

42You could show the vulnerable side of the bully andmake the audience feel more sympathy towards him.

You could emphasize that the maincharacter is a bully by showing him anaction of being mean to a person. Nobody notices the birthday


42

You can't relate to or feel bad for the character becausehe is a bully, but it is very exciting to hear about. It is

interesting because you don't see many videos from thebad guys perspective.

It makes you wonder why people haven'tstood up to him before. Very interestingabout how people start to ignore him,maybe you could show his confusion as he

goes up to someone and they walk awayor something. Everyone ignores the bully


42There is an enough amount of information about thebully, but should make him more threatening.

The development of the bully is really nice.However, the narration should have avariety of tone and mood, rather than amonotone voice. Being told to meet people


42Good character choice. Great way of developing thecharacter.

When he walks into school on his birthday,you can show that the main character goesaround trying to see who says "Happybirthday" to the main character. Maybe

show a scene where everyone's too busydoing something else, so they don't talk tothe main character at all. You can add aprogressive cut (like a montage) of how hegets "rejected" a lot of times.

It's the boy's birthday and no onenotices.


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11/18

42

Lots of characters and personality about the bully, but theviewers probably still think that he is a bad guy. Like I

stated above, you should show a different, more humanlike side with him so that the viewers will like him more.

Big, buff, Henry the bully! A little typical

character; you should show a different sideof him. No one celebrates Henry --Select--

42 Yes.

Near the end of the ACT 1, by using Downshot or by having the character isolatehimself more, or using expressions ofpeople looking at the main characterweirdly you could convey that the maincharacter has no friends. loner.


42

I liked the theme of bullying, something that is common inmany schools. I wasn't really able to have a big

connection with the character though. I think you shouldshow more of the disappointment in the main character.

I like how you described the physical

appearance of the character. I want toknow more about his personality though!

people didn't treat him well on hisbirthday


42 Zack is the main character.Bully.

You should use vertical pan and low angleto show superiority of two bullies. Why dothey bully the little kid? maybe show thelittle kid running, holding pile of papers,and passing the two bullies and bumpinginto them and dropping the piles of paper.that would show the cause of the bulliesbullying the kid. Make the bullies pick up

some of the papers and throw it on the littlekid's face to show more tension. Bullying


42 Yes, he described the character well.I like how the introduction is shown beforethe music starts No one knows it's his birthday


42 yes, the character were well described

I like how he described the story in detail.They also did a good job explaining aboutthe main character

people didn't treat him well on hisbirthday


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12/18

4

I'm sure you're going to reveal more about Henry'sbackground and why he thinks there's nothing wrong withthe things he does later on, but it might help the audiencemore if you reveal more about what his family life islike/why he's the way he is in the beginning, too. Justflashes of it, if it takes too much time.

I think it would be better if the narrationdidn't involve /what/ was happening,

because that's already pretty apparent bywhat Henry's doing. Instead, I think itwould be better if you said somethingabout what Henry was /thinking/, instead;this will help the audience feel for Henrymore, especially if he's completelyoblivious to the fact that he's bullyingothers.

people didn't treat him will on hisbirthday


42

Lots of characters and personality about the bully, but theviewers probably still think that he is a bad guy. Like I

stated above, you should show a different, more humanlike side with him so that the viewers will like him more.

Big, buff, Henry the bully! A little typical

character; you should show a different sideof him.

No one celebrates Henry'sbirthday


42 yes. show why they stop talking to him though good choice of character people aren't acknowledging himCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

42 yes. show why they stop talking to him though good choice of character people aren't acknowledging himCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

41I like how the characters have the confidence to try theaudition again.

Show the first girl going off the key and thenext guy too to make the audience clearwhy they are being rejected by the guy.Show the judge being frustrated by making

him harshly scribbling on the audition notepaper, and maybe throw his pen on thefloor to dramatize the judge's frustration. character gets kicked out


41yes, they are very not giving up people willing to do theirbest. Yes Thy got kicked out of the audition


41 nope. I felt like he didnt really explain the details... Im not sureeeee i dont knowNot sure...50/50...maybe will keepwatching, maybe not

41 Yes, personalities and reaction to the person portrayed itTry to take time to set up your setting in aclear manner gets kicked out


41 i can connect

Good job, wouldn't the repetition of the bad

contestants get a bit boring after a while? failing


watching!

41 Yes, maybe more descriptionI like how the story line beings before themusic starts Gets kicked out


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13/18

41 No. You can put more descriptions about the charactersI don't see why the judge has to be soangry

they try to get back in theaudition


41 i didnt really know who was the main character but icould connect well yes it shows how the judge is mean andeverything is not fair girl gets kicked out Not sure...50/50...maybe will keepwatching, maybe not

41

The judge seems to be grumpy and stressed. He doesn'tseem to be very picky, he just seems to not like anyone.Maybe show why he is being so selective and why hedoesn't like their music. Show whose side you aresupposed to be on, the auctioneers or the judges.

Maybe show more how the judge is feelingbefore the audition. Is he stressed?

Will they get kicked out or get asecond chance?


41 not exactly...

might have been better if he showed moreof what they were doing and why they weredoing it gets kicked out


41

I don't know what song you're doing, but how will youexpress the dialogue within the film? .-. And it's good howyou bring the audience's attention to Carl, as heincreases in importance in the story.At the same time though, I think it would be better if youprovided more focus on just one or two characters, tohelp the audience feel for ... whoever your maincharacter is more. Perhaps you can trail after just the girlcontestant, or perhaps you can focus on how nervous

they were in the beginning before they went out to thestage (providing that your rejected contestants are theones who are your main characters, that is).

Perhaps it would be better if you couldshow the judge's bored reaction in the verybeginning? Like an extreme close-up shot

of him rolling his eyes or something,because surely, he can't get fed up afteronly three people.

the two rejected people try to getback in


41

No. I don't get the clear idea of who the main actor is. Byhaving like a specific shot or a differnt type of clothing forthe main character would give a clear understanding tothe viewer who the main character is.

You could help the reader understand whythe judge was angry by having the singersgo off key, or crack or by showing thejudge's notes written on the paper. youcould also show like the judge gettingbored by drawing random circles or thingson the paper. the people want second chance


41Yes, I could connect with the strong desire of the maincharacter (being accepted in audition).

I like how you set the setting of the auditionfrom the beginning. It makes me interestedfrom the beginning.

they try to get back int heaudition


41 yes I like the good start of the story they are trying to get back inCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

41

You have to explain more about the main character. Forall we know, they are just a bunch of guys auditioning.not much about their personalities.

The setting was very well established. Youtalked about the characters and theaudition and it sounds realistic. they get kicked out


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14/18

41

Maybe have the characters beg to not get kicked out toshow how badly they want to be involved in the audition.You can have a "body guard" dragging them out whilethey're screaming "NOOOOOOOO PLEASE"

Instead of having consecutive scenes(cuts) of people just coming in and going

out, maybe you can add a special type ofcut where the judge says no to all of themat the very end. Have little clips of the threecharacters performing at different times atthe beginning, and have one clip of thejudge saying NO. at the very end. three characters try to get back in


21 Yea!i like the intro, but maybe try to portray howhe feels about the girl. the girl rejecting her


21

He seems to be a typical guy, doesn't really haveanything unique about him other than he doesn't have agirlfriend any longer.

Why is the girl so mad? Will this be shownlater on in a different act? I like how she

slams the locker in his face because she ismad though, It really shows a lot ofemotion. Sophia ignores the guy


21 You can put more actions to reveal characteristics

I don't see how doing push-ups can helprelease stress. Maybe he can dosomething crazy like chewing on a piece ofpaper to show the extent of hisoverwhelming stress. Sophia is ignoring the guy


21

Maybe describe how Daniel has something with Sofia byhim doing something for her, or express how he feels

about her. Show how Sofia feels the same way too, byher facial expressions.

I like how in the beginning, there are more

creative shots, because it makes the videolook more professional Sofia ignoring Daniel


21 We were able to feel sympathy Yes, but try to have a clear catalyst Ignoring the guysCould be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

21The personalities could be more thoroughly explained butit was good.

The story was very well thought of. It's verycreative.

Sofias ignoring the maincharacter when they used to befriends


21 I don't get why he did a push up...

By focusing on the girl's expression and byusing indifferent expressions, you couldconvey how the girl holds no interest in the

boy. You could also specify eitherfriendship or relationship by using props. sophia's ignoring the guy.


21yes, it's really interesting how the guy is trying to do allthese things for the girl.

i couldn't really understand the beginningbut then later, i realized so that could be, ina way an attention grabber. girl slams the locker --Select--

21 yes

I like the story but you should describemore of the characters emotions and howthey were thinking sophies ignoring the guy


21People can easily sympathize with Daniel, because mostpeople are sensitive about friendship and school life Why is Sophia so cold to Daniel? Sophia ignoring the guy


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21 Not connected to the main character because it doesn'texplain much in the beginning.

I like how the first shots derives audience'scuriosity by not explaining why Daniel is

walking towards Sophia. But you shouldexplain more in the beginning because Idon't get why Daniel walks towardsSophia, and why he is depressed all of asudden. The photo that Sophia burnsshould be clear that Daniel and Sophiawere "friends" because it is easy for theaudience to get confused and think thatthey were lovers. Maybe change Sophia toa guy or change Daniel to a girl. And also

show why Daniel is depressed, make itmore obvious. burning photos Could be good...will keep watching alitte more and then decide

21try to express that he likes her and show morepersonality of the man actor

i like the creative shots and how she slamsthe door in his face although he showsinterest to her. try to show why she slamedthe locker in his face. explain theirrelationship more, because later on, whenshe burns the photo, i couldnt see thecause of her burning the photo sofia ignores him


21try to express that he likes her and show morepersonality of the man actor

i like the creative shots and how she slams

the door in his face although he showsinterest to her. try to show why she slamedthe locker in his face. explain theirrelationship more, because later on, whenshe burns the photo, i couldnt see thecause of her burning the photo sofia ignores him


21

It sounds really cute, haha. I think the character soundsfine, although you might want to show signs of him tryingto make a move on the girl in the beginning, though.

How will you get an aerial angle of the girland the guy walking in the hallway? It's agood idea, but that would be pretty hard.

As for the glance "to show that he hassomething going on with her"-- I think itwould be best if you revealed theirrelationship from the very beginning, withthis glance. Is he romantically attracted toher, or are they just friends (and she's madat him for no reason)? A hurt expression ora raise of an eyebrow can make all thedifference. Sophia's ignoring the other guy.


21

Show more of the awkwardness of the relationshipbetween the two and the reactions of the girl when hetries to approach her.

I like how you clearly showed the setting of

a school. I think you should show more ofhow shy he is & how disappointed he iswith his actions and facial expressions. Sophia is ignoring the guy


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16/18

11

yes, it was explained well and i could connect well with

the main character.

couldn't really understand the beginningbut the flashbacks explains how she

became confident and strong. main character depressed



11I don't quite understand why the character wasdepressed.

I like how you show from the heels, gettingthe audience know more about the girl'scharacteristic and style, from bottom to up.The scene with the Han River should beduring the night to dramatize thedepressing mood. flashback to her being depressed


11 I think the character suits the roll very well.Yes, the setting is well shown and I like herflashbacks. Flashback


11

The character seems to have may sides and doesn't

seem to be very typical. I like ho wyou have a characterwith confidence in themselves and how they have arather shady past but managed to pull though andsucceed. Maybe show how she went from beingdepressed to being confident in herself.

I like how you have a confident character.

How are you going to make her kick thecamera? Will the camera react of justseem to fade to black? Your idea is uniquebecause of the choreography. Who did youget to dance? Her dancing in Itaewon


11

Since I don't know the lyrics, I don't know whether thedance fits the music or not. I think it is important to keepin mind that the dance must flow well with story.

I think it is important to show more details.All I can assume about the character onlyfrom the clothes. Try to develop more. flashback


11 not really....i don't get why she is suddenly so prideful.

You could show her confidence by herflicking her hair or using on UP SHOT. I

like the idea where she kicks the camera. Idon't see the emphasis on the light. Youcould explain the lyrics more to conveywhy these types of moves are used. Toshow that she is having a flash back youcould zoom into her head, or have her lookup. You could show her being depressedby using Down shot and using darkbackgrounds. depression


11

Show more of what kind of a person she is. But good

thing on the confidence though. yes. it was very creative. Her getting depressed



11i could tell that she was really confident and you had agood choice of actor

i like how you expressed the confidence ofa woman. starting the scene with her heelsmight sound a little cliche though. theflashback was interesting because sheseems to become a lot tougher depression of girl


11

i could tell that she was really confident and you had a

good choice of actor

i like how you expressed the confidence ofa woman. starting the scene with her heelsmight sound a little cliche though. theflashback was interesting because she

seems to become a lot tougher depression of girl


watching!

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17/18

11 Try to focus on the main dancer a little more

Maybe in the middle of the dance moves,you guys can all suddenly stop and act out

rather than dance, and start dancing again. flashback


watching!

11

Bring up the reason /why/ she was depressed; this willhelp the audience sympathize with her more. Was sherejected or something? Or was she shunned by society?Or... what? A good plot/story always has a conflict, somake your conflict more pronounced with the flashback, ifyou want.

I think you should provide more of abackground as to why they should "do itlike a dude." Your main character soundspretty feminine and confident in thebeginning, so why would they want tofollow Jessie J's advice on "doing it like adude"? ????


11

I think you did a good job showing the compare andcontrast of the character when she was confident andbefore when she was depressed. Make more charactertraits that will let us connect with the character.

I like the creative settings like the parkinglot. Good thought of using the headlight of

the car for lighting. But will you do this inthe day or the night? Make sure you cansee the effect of the headlight if you filmduring the day! girl's depression


11 There is.. but thats later andNo, I do not get it, probably because it's achoreography Depressing flashacks


11yes, she explained well how the character wasdepressed

Her music video had a very creative settingsuch a using the head light of the car getting depressed about herself


11 yeshyehsyehs Yes. flashbackVery interesting; have to keepwatching!

11 I like how she kicks the camera. interesting thought interesting introduction with the carheadlights. The flashback Very interesting; have to keepwatching!

88 I think it's nice the way it is.

It.Sounds.Brilliant. peanut butter jelly beans !!


88 Yes, I like the reaction after he sees what has happenedDevelop the character's characteristic morebefore going to fb. youtube post up


88

great. I love the idea of him being connected to theinternet. It really shows today's teenagers being overly

into computers and internet.

omg you should also make him going intoa women fashion internet store and make

him wear women's clothes. fight with his girlfriend


watching!

88

There was enough information about the main actor. It isnot easy to feel connected with the main character, but Ican definitely have fun while watching this film. How is he going to hack into the FB? acting weirdly


88

no. you could show the mischievous side of the charactermore by the way he dresses such as having his pantslow or having his cap backward.

good job. i like your story. good use ofhumour magical facebook account


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18/18

88Yes, he seems to be cruel and will do anything he wantswhenever he wants.

I like how the other person is sudden;yaffected by his facebook status. Maybe

show the picture on the camera as hetakes it, zoom in, and come out as theyoutube video. Also, he seems to make theconnect between what he is typing andwhat the man is saying really fast. maybehave a couple moments where he isconfused. The video is on youtube


88 yes i really like it because it's humorous as well.yes i like how the hacker finds out later inyoutube guy finding out the youtube video --Select--

88

The characters are well shown because of their actions.

Ex. Chewing gum, fighting with his girlfriend I like how he has humor in his film magic of facebook



88 Yes, he is a mischievous and funny guy. Not so nice.I don't think there was a lot of backgroundinformation

The facebook account isconnected with a guys brain


88 the character seems really funnythe PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME partwas good PEANUT BUTTER


88I still think there should have been more about the maincharacter, like their personality, etc.

I like te idea that the movie has humor in it.also the unusual but important topic aboutthe media. magical facebook --Select--

88 He should explain the guy's personality more.The story was pretty well explained andleads to the conflict. not sure


88 I liked the humor of the character!

Where are you walking when you find thecomputer? Will the computer be randomlyjust lying there? facebook account hacked


88yes, it was funny to see the reaction of the facebookstatus. i could connect to the main character

i like how the main character is chewinggum like a normal teenager, and his trainof thought when he sees the computer. itwas interesting how it turned out to be withthe youtube video. make the status funnierand the more random it is, the better major of the facebook account


88yes, it was funny to see the reaction of the facebookstatus. i could connect to the main character

i like how the main character is chewing

gum like a normal teenager, and his trainof thought when he sees the computer. itwas interesting how it turned out to be withthe youtube video. make the status funnierand the more random it is, the better major of the facebook account


88 yesI liked how he had some funny parts of thestory facebook getting hacked


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the main character?





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