PHOTO BY MEESEEKS

B’s were recently discovered in Millikan’s art museum. A student reported hearing a strange sound when buzzing in the room during nutrition only to find B’s completely swarming the gallery. Current location of the B-hive is unknown.

Volume LXIIhttps://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

Issue GeorgioApril 2018

Lakewood High School25.0000° N, 71.0000° W

Page 2 Page 3 Page 4

An Orbituary for Dead Memes

Your Horoscope for This Month Is Here!

New Scootering Team Breaks a Leg

Millikan Keeps Up With the Celebrity World

By Lion Mane Co-Editor-in-Chief

The beloved water bottle, Hydro Flask, has swept

through high schools across America. Students are fol-lowing the trend of plaster-ing these over-priced hunks of junk with stickers that end up getting scraped off in a week.

The more stickers you have, the trendier you are: plain and

simple. Not only are consum-ers looking to reach a whole new level of hydration, they are also well-traveled teens look-ing to show off to their peers.

So here’s where the bad news comes in. Say goodbye to your beloved Hydro Flasks, since the administration has banned the wa-ter bottle from campus grounds.

“They’ve become such a haz-ard in the classroom. One small bump and the large piece of metal

hits the ground with a CLANG! We will only permit plastic wa-ter bottle for the remainder of the year,” says administration.

Students are extreme-ly upset about this change in water bottle regulations.

Valley-girl Vicky publicly an-nounced, “I can’t believe that, like, we can’t use our hydro’s anymore. Like, why spend all that money to, like, have them taken away? Like what even?!”

By Stale BrowniesNews Editor

No Direction Returning From HiatusSince their last performance in December 2015, the English-Irish pop boy band No Direction is set to reunite from their hiatus on April 31. Although the band members launched their own solo careers, they will return as a group once more under Chimon Sow-ell’s record label, Syco Records.

uLoatheRadio ErrorAt the uLoatheRadio Music Awards, which was broadcast on March 11, there was a mistake about who really won the award for Best Fan Army. It was original-ly awarded to South Korean boy band BTS and their fanbase, the BTS ARMY. However, uLoathe-Radio later announced that Tai-lor Swiftier and the Swifties should rightfully earn the award. The changes are currently being made to fix this misconception.

Briahnna Expects a BabyAfter much speculation, sourc-es close to the “Live in the Rain” singer confirmed that she is expecting a child. Since her performance at the 2018 Grammys, fans jumped to the conclusion that she was ex-pecting because her tight fig-ure was showing a baby bump. In March, the singer announced the she is expecting triplets. The babies are expected to be due by the end of April.

“Gorrest Fump” Gets a SequelSince the release of “Gorrest Fump” in 1997, the producers announced that a sequel will be made, called Fump & Co. Ac-cording to Finerman, the screen-play is already written and is cur-rently being adapted. They also say that Hom Tanks, who plays the role of Gorrest Fump in the movie, is excited to to return and work with the production team.Finerman says the sequel will be released in theatres in 2020.

Hydro Hiatus

A Step in the Right Direction

By Dunder MifflinEditorial Editor

Effective at the beginning of the next school year,

block schedule will no lon-ger exist. This is due to the complaints from students that classes are too long. They say it is too difficult to remain fo-cused and retain knowledge on one subject for 90 minutes.

Millikan will revert back to the traditional schedule of six periods every day. Classes will be 55 minutes long and pass-ing periods will be five minutes.

Lunch will remain 30 min-utes and the beginning of school will remain at 7:50 and end at 2:40.

An anonymous QUEST stu-dent complains, “I don’t know how they expect me to get any-thing done in 45 minutes when

my brain starts working 30 minutes into class. I live in con-stant fear for the one day when I have six tests back to back.”

Now, students will con-stantly be on their feet mov-ing from class to class and will be encouraged to run if their classes are across campus.

Students may receive twice the homework load but at least classes will be shorter.

Bye-Bye Block Schedule

Abuzz About B Infestation on CampusBy Sally WhiteWebsite Editor

Kudos to Scott Scooter, a member of Long Beach

Unified School District’s board of education for passing his scooter proposition by an over-whelming 50.2%! Scooter’s proposition proposes to honor Long Beach seniors with their own scooter to stand out in the crowds of lower classmen.

“This way, everyone will know who’s top dog on campus,” says Scooter, “and the seniors can have the prestige they deserve.”

“Stair accommodations will be made,” Scooter ex-plained, which means that schools will be scooter-equipped with ramps and pathways for transportation by Fall 2018.

Seniors will choose from a scooter catalogue sent via US mail this summer to order their scooter for the 2018-2019 school year. Designs range

from school spirit, sports, and Long Beach love. Additional personalized designs cost $15.

A statement from Scooter reads, “LBUSD knows its stu-dents’ top priority is fashion, so the scooter catalogue is rich with mod designs created by the most hip education board members like myself and Mrs. Speedy.”

However, there are safety concerns from parents, so Long Beach will be conducting its first ever scooter convention at lo-cal skating parks in Long Beach.

Whether you’re a pro or an amateur, LBUSD invites you to scoot along and learn the fun tips and tricks to safely scoot-er around campus next year.

LBUSD hopes to make headlines for its debut of scoot-ing schools, so if you’d like to take part in the project, please contact lbusdscooters2018@scooter.lbschools.net. All emails are welcome, including criti-cism or recommendations.

Seniors Deserve Scooters

Not By Susan SmithStaff Reporter

“The obesity problem has increased so much,

and since there is no way to stop it, we decided to just live with it. It is what it is,” says Gorban Ramsy.

High schools across the na-tion are replac-ing stairs with escalators and walk-ways with people movers.

The escalators and mov-ing walkways will be in-stalled Summer of 2018.

“Even though installing moving walkways and escala-tors is a very small step to be-coming the most obese country

in the world,” says Scoobert Doobert, “it is a step in

the right direction.”Many students

at Millikan are ex-cited about the new installations because they “want

to be the biggest ver-sion of themselves.”

In the future of Millikan and the United

States, everyone will come to-gether to achieve the title as the largest country in the world.

PAGE 2 APRIL 2018

The Corydon discourages any-one from writing letters. Your opinions are nice and all, but we’re swamped with work over here. You may discuss it with your friends, but we don’t want to hear about it. Let us do our thing, you do yours, and we shall go our separate ways. Thank you.

Corydon Now Online athttp://smarturl.it/AstleySpo-tify Download Rick’s Number 1 album “50” - https://BMG ...

Corydon Staff

Cor y don (Kor/iden) n. In pastoral literature a name for a shepherd or

rustic

Letters to the Editor

Now in Our 600th Year of Publication

Useless Opinions

Susan SmithToastSecretPingo

TaquitoKool Math Games

Patty WackEgg

Mr. Newspaper ManCharlie Garbonzo

Cat ZukiLoki Laufeyson

Staff Reporters

Journalism AdviserPaws Catheart

Co-Editors-in-ChiefFred DeFishLion Mane

What’ New EditorStale Brownies

Uselss Opinions Editor Dunder Mifflin

Jock Central EditorKeney McCormick

The Third Page EditorFreeda N. Malls

Web EditorSally White

Photography EditorMr. Meeseeks

PrinterGardena Valley News

Copy EditorWoke M.D.

Dear Michael Malinski,

I’m your biggest fan. Ever since I read your first article in the Coydon about the pros and cons of fake and real Christmas trees, I knew there was something spe-cial about you. I searched online for your image and fell in love all over again. This time not just with what’s inside your head but what was outside of it too. Your piercing blue eyes, and blushy brown brows touched my soul. I am, have, and always will be a reader of the Corydon newspa-per, but you hold a special place in my heart.

Your Secret Admirer

By Elizabeth DoddStaff Reporter

Cyber bullying can happen through texting, apps, and so-

cial media networks including Ins-tagram, Snapchat, and Facebook.

Cyber bullying may also be hard to recognize since par-ents, teachers, or counselors may not see or hear it taking place.

Cyberbullying can cause physical, emotional, and psycho-logical stress. There can be an in-crease in sadness and loneliness, changes in sleep and eating pat-terns, loss of interest in activities and more. According to cyber-bullyinghotline.com, this form

of bullying 4,500 kids to commit suicide, 20% of kids that are cy-ber bullied think about suicide and one in ten attempt it every year. There are ways we can pre-vent cyberbullying. The first thing we can do is keep negative com-ments to ourselves if we know they are going to offend someone.

Tell and adult if you see cy-ber bullying. If you’re the one being bullied, you should show an adult and block the bully.

Lastly, before you post or say anything, think, is it helpful? Is it kind? Can it offend someone?

If you use these three tips, preventing cyber bully-ing will be so much easier.

Assistant EditorsRamen Noodles

Puff BoiMay May

KROF Mac-and-cheese™® Pink CupcakeLa India Maria

Cathy Browwnstein Lil’ Yotey

Jane Adams Lisa Neucar

Dear Michael’s Malinski’s Secret Admirer

I would love to have someone talk to me the way you talk about Michael. If that whole thing doesn’t work out, meet me under the bleachers on April 2 at 2:45, I’d love to grab lunch and pick at your brain. The secret admirer now has a secret admirer ;)

Michael’s SecretAdmirers’ Secret Admirer

I Should Call My Girlfriend

If I’m being quite honest here, opinions are a snooze. If you guys were real reporters, you would stick to facts and forget the editorial page altogether. When I’m in the mood to hear biased opinions backed up with faulty facts I just call my girl-friend and start a conversation. I want to hear about REAL news. The latest celebrity affairs, who wore it best on the red carpet, the latest Soap Opera drama…you get the picture.

Al K. Seltzer Grade 8

The Sacred Text

You have just completely blown me away in astronomical pro-portions. The paper, the text, the illustrations, could only be created by a cosmic being as mere mortals could not possibly fathom the immensity of this sacred text. I have come to the conclusion that it is you that we reside in, you are the Earth, the universe, You. Are. Everything.

Noah DennoGrade 12

By Ramen NoodlesAsst. Editor

Where in the heck is that matching sock?

Many people all over the world experience the mis-matched sock phenomena.

It has been discovered that, in fact, your sock is not lost. It is you who are lost.

Becoming so obsessed with finding the other sock causes ordinary people to become trapped in some imaginary world.

This is otherwise known as Mediis Soccus (sock in Latin) Syndrome.

People with this con-

dition are always looking for things that aren’t there.

The cause of Mediis Soc-cus Syndrome is likely because of the lack of organization in the person’s life or an unknown entity that affects the person.

Another theory is that the second sock you think you are looking for doesn’t even exist.

Time and time again you have glanced over the single sock in your drawer, and this has led you to believe that the sock’s partner exists. Yet in real-ity, your sock is lonely and single.

While there is no known cure as of now, scientists are work-ing to find your sock every day.

New Research Will Knock Your Socks Off

By May MayAsst. Editor

At our school, wee have to take maney diferent

clases. We have to take math clase and histore clase which are both prety useless, but the most uzeles of all is English.

The first reeson y wee shuld get ridd of English clase is becus ther is no reeson for us to lern gramer. We dont need to lern gramer to speek a lan-guage as long as we are able to speek it and undertand it.

The secund reeson y wee dont need English clase is becus it is boring.

We have to sit ther for a ful 90 minuts of our lives and doo nothing but be bord. If the sud-ints are bord, they are not listning to what the teecher is saying, wich meens they are not lerning any-thing. Ther is no point in teech-ing us if wee are not lerning.

The last reeson y wee shuld get ridd uf English is becus studints dont like the clase. If we dont like it, then y shuld be have to take it.

These are the reesons y I think wee shuld get rid of Eng-lish clase and based on wat I said, Im shur you agre with mee to. We al now that this is a usles su-ject and a wast of a clas period.

By Cathy BrownsteinAsst. Editor

Schools need to face the facts: teachers cost money.

However, there is an alterna-tive solution in the 3D printer.

3D printers are a better investment because teachers are constantly retiring, quit-ting, and being fired. 3D print-ers are trustworthy and they will never walk out on a job.

Scientists at the Univer-sity of Alababama, have found that you can print humans.

This is great because pa-per people can be programed to say and do whatever we need

them to do. This way Millikan can program teachers to say a year’s worth of lessons. It would cost us less money and it would make curriculum consistent.

No more vague answers to students’ questions because we can program teachers to answer questions as directly as possible.

Say goodbye to home-work because we can pro-gram teachers to fit every-thing necessary into a class period. 3D printers are advanc-ing and so should our teachers.

We might not end up with great grades or an award-winning reputation, but we would have a 3D printer and that’s pretty cool.

By Dunder MifflinEditorial Editor

R.I.P. Rick Roll memes 2007- 2018

“Never Gonna Give You Up” was the best song of the 80’s and the biggest troll in the 2000’s. The catchy song got old after the fifth time but it was always great to bring up to annoy your friends. Thank you, Rick Roll, for all the times you were there

when we didn’t want you there and you will never be forgotten.

R.I.P. All the “Epic Fail” memes 2005- 2018

“Epic Fail” memes were short and simple and exploited all the hilariously stupid things people did that were caught on camera. They brightened our mood and made us feel better about ourselves. Thank you to the “Epic Fail” memes for showing us how stupid humanity can be

and bringing quick laughs as we scrolled through our social me-dia feed because we had nothing better to do on a Friday night.

R.I.P. Keyboard Cat Memes 2009-2018

Our feline friend, Bento, has passed in the middle of March at the age of 9. You will always be remembered as the original cat meme which led to many oth-ers such as the “Can I has chee-zeburger cat” and Grumpy Cat.

Thank you for being the most popular meme amongst mothers who just figured out Facebook.

R.I.P. Bad Luck Brian Memes 2012-2018

The boy with the blue polo and the red sweater vest charmed us all as this meme legend set the standard for many memes to come. Some of his memes included, “Goes surfing for the first time . . . hurricane,” or, “Receives note from crush . . . restraining order.”

An Obituary for Dead Memes

Why Not Just 3D Print OurTeachers?

Y We Do’nt Kneed English

By Fred DeFishCo-Editor-in-Cheif

I, a well-known student at this school, have led both the

varsity basketball and football teams at once, won prom king for the last three years, and once brought a harmonica to school. I have a confession. I used to buy other people’s homework to work on for my own plea-sure. Now I know what you are

thinking, why would I buy oth-ers’ homework to do it for them? Shouldn’t I be paid instead for the work I do? But I say why not? I originally took French at Millikan; however, through my dedication to do homework from other classes, I am now fluent in four languages. Sehen? Das habe ich gemeint. Je suis décent dans tout cela. Peccato che non conosca lo spagnolo. Not to mention, since my old-er siblings made me do their AP

Statistics homework when I was in ninth grade, I understood my math classes more than I could have ever imagined, which al-lowed me to challenge the AP test when I was a measily freshman. When I got my statistics test results back, I recieved a 5. I knew I had to go further. Soph-omore year I focused on junior and senior year English home-work and I was able to challenge both AP English tests and got

a 4 and 5 for each respectively. Over time I did this with every subject I could think of. Currently I take three AP classes but chal-lenged and passed 12. I am a per-fect example of a man with dedi-cation who doesn’t take no for an answer. I do realize now, though, that I am completely broke. If you know you or your loved ones’ social security number and banking password, please email cavemansquidward@gmail.com.

Confessions of a Prodigy

Administrative Adviser Shannon Williams-Young

How to Win an Argument With a GirlBy Keeny McCormickJock Editor

You can’t.

PAGE 3 APRIL 2018Third pageBy Freeda N. Malls Feature Editor

The Aquarium of the Spe-cific has always been a

place where anyone can go, see, and educate themselves on ma-rine life. Due to complaints of animal cruelty, all animals have been released into the ocean.

“I think it was a great idea,” says Olivia Sanders. “It’s about time Long Beach takes measures to prevent animal endangerment.”

However, not everyone thinks this is a good idea. Ryen George

stated, “Although I understand the intentions, you can’t just re-lease captive animals into the wild. They will literally all die.”

People watched employees dump the aquatic life into the ocean right next to the aquar-ium on March 25. It was an event that drew the attention of many families.

“My child just loved to watch the animals swim away. They looked so happy!” saysMcKenzie Coffman.

Some people have expressed concerns of having thousands of new marine life introduced to

waters surrounding Long Beach, especially the sharks and jellyfish. However, the Aquarium of the Specific says that the animals will eventually make their way deeper into the ocean. The aquarium also stated they will continue to keep their doors open, offer-ing other ways to teach children about aquatic life, such as dia-grams, movies, and simulations.

Whether or not people sup-port the Aquarium of the Specif-ic’s decision, they have flocked to the Long Beach waters to watch the amazing creatures co-exist.

Bye-Bye, Fish! By La India MariaStaff Reporter

Guess what, Millikan Rams? From April 16 to the end of

the year, lunch will now be an hour long! Along with that, students will get a lunch pass to go off campus.

You don’t have to bring lunch or eat the food from the cafeteria, because all students will get a pin to buy free food from McDonalds, Jack-in-the Box, Flame Broiler, Flippin Piz-za, John’s Burgers, and more!

Just show your lunch pass to

the CSO’s and you will allowed to leave. If you lose this pass you will lose the opportunity to leave campus and get free food, and will only be able to get a replacement at the start of the new semester.

No money or permission from guardians needed for this lunch pass, and no transporta-tion is needed because all the free food locations are right around the corner Millikan. So there shouldn’t be any ex-cuses why you didn’t eat lunch.

Passes will be distrib-uted on Saturday, April 31.

Free Food + Freedom

By SecretStaff Reporter

Snapchat has done it again. That’s right, take some

time to process this devastat-ing, yet unsurprising, update. Taking effect in April, it is rumored that Snapchat will be updating their app into something even worse from today’s current update.

Snapchat’s new update features contain the ability to join and see other friends’ conversations and all their memories saved by simply tapping on a person’s bitmoji or profile.

In addition to this mon-strosity, pictures and videos sent to a person or group will no longer disappear and will remain in the chatbox forever. The launch of this update will leave all users in agony.

Sketchy Snapchat

By Ethan Dolan Staff Reporter

Get excited because ‘High School Musical 4’ is finally

making its debut. Aspara Gus, ca-terer of the High School Musical series, officially announced that a fourth movie is in the making.

Gus is super excited to film, but unfortunately he stat-ed, “Tac Saffron is unable to be in the fourth movie; how-ever, all other cast members

will be the same. If you are in-terested, auditions are on April 31 to be the new Tac Saffron.”

They are looking for some-one who portrays Tac Saffron so it looks like he never left. They want someone who looks exactly like him, which means a six-pack, arms with huge muscles, and looks that cause girls to swoon.

Come show off your tal-ent on April 31 at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood to be-come the next Tac Saffron.

Get Your Head in the Game

Spring Has Sprung!By Lil’ YoteyAsst. Editor

News broke this morn-ing via Twitter of

Vine’s long-awaited return.After the popular enter-

tainment app was discontin-ued early last year, fans waited impatiently for the speculated release of “Vine 2”. This al-tered version of the program was never completed, and in-stead, a tweet was posted earlier today that blew the minds of Vine-lovers across the nation.

“Https://youtu.be/gT-VceHKvwSU” was the You-Tube link tweeted out by Vine’s original creator, Ron Cough-

man. The video features an of-ficial announcement of Vine’s return, along with a link to its download on IOS and Android.

The resurrected app still has all of its original features, along with a few minor im-provements. Viners can even get back their old accounts from before the shut-down, re-storing their uploads, re-posts, and number of followers. Users now have the ability to rate vines for their content and creativity, voting on “Viner of the Week” and other contests.

The Vine community has once more embraced its be-loved app with open arms, and its ratings continue to skyrocket.

The Return of Vine

By Lisa NeucarAsst. Copy Editor

Aries: You’re bound to expe-rience plenty of opportunities for expansion due to the rare two full moons this month. Maybe launch an Etsy store or something. Also make sure to get a lot of sleep and spend time doing anything but being productive because Mercury and Jupiter are in retro-grade. Efficiency? Productivity? Who needs it? Not you Aries!

Taurus: Two little words for you this month, Love and money. Hopefully you’ll find both, but who really knows.

Gemini: What’s in it for you, Gemini? Apparently love and money as well, but not without drama. That’s right, it’s your month to be a diva. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Cancer: Technically you should probably take some time to reflect on how you re-

ally feel about things, but why do that when you could be out looking for love and money?

Leo: Maybe take some privacy this month, due to retrograde or something.

Virgo: Beyoncé is a Virgo, Zendaya is a Virgo, and Mi-chael Jackson was a Virgo, so in other words, the microphone is in your hands this month-- and every other month. Virgos are just legendary, so do what-ever you want. The stars pre-dict love and money for you, but honestly, when do they not?

Libra: Time to start work-ing on that summer body, Li-bra! Or don’t, if pizza is more your thing. This is the month to be productive and possi-bly to find love and money.

Scorpio: Ah, the lovely, spicy Scorpio. Time for an early case of spring fever! Maybe start obses-sively cleaning stuff and wearing

less clothing even though its still 40 degrees out in the morning.

Sagittarius: The hard-est sign to spell. This is not the month for serious business. This is the month to spend with good people doing good things, like helping you find love and money.

Capricorn: Sorry, Ca-pri-sun, it’s looking like this is bound to be a month full of thinking for you. Thinking about love and money, that is.

Aquarius: Nothing good about Aquarius is ever in the media, or anywhere, for that matter. Lucky for you, that’s about to change because this month will bring - you guessed it! Love and money!

Pisces: Ah, gentle Pisces (apologies to everyone with a masculinity complex). It’s looking like you’ll find love this month, but only love, not money. Sucks for you, Pisces. Maybe next time.

What Are You in for This Month?

By Cat ZukiStaff Reporter

Oi! There is a new club with new members

called the Emoji Movie Club. The club president, Gene

Meh, says, “With every meet-ing we have, we always have three to five new faces that join us. We watch about 10 minutes of the movie then discuss the movie’s majesty for 20 minutes. We have watched the full movie 15 times!Occasionally, we argue about whether the character, Jail-Break is the best girl protagonist. That’s a full-on debate on its own.”

This club meets every Friday during lunch in Room 957. They also meet up at the club president’s house to watch the movie in its entirety.

CLUB FEATURE

Swipe to Enter the Emoji Movie Club

Jock CentralPAGE 4 APRIL 2018

By Susan SmithStaff Reporter

Code #6479280 states that ev-ery girl participating in Mil-

likan swim or water polo must wear full body length swim suits that cover every inch of their bodies.

This new policy has caused an uproar across the Millikan swim and water polo community.

“I think this new code will let us girls really focus on swim and water polo and not on our bodies, which will really help us,” says QUEST senior Kanye Weast.

This dress code will be enforced as soon as possible.

“I am really excited for this new dress code,” says PEACE sophomore Taylor Quick. “I will finally be able to focus on just my swimming.”

Code #6479280 will even-tually be enforced in all high schools across the nation.

Physical Education Classes Go on Vacation

Lisa NeucarAsst. Editor

For Millikan’s medal-winning girls golf team the grind never

stops. The girls practice for their matches Monday through Thurs-day-a grueling four days a week.

Each practice lasts for an excruciating 16 hours and consists of heavy weight lifting, long distance run-ning of seventeen miles, and bench-pressing ten thou-sand pounds with their golf clubs in their mouths.

This training is intense and year-round, as the golf team does not have an off season. They con-tinue to compete in tournaments around the world. After the Moore League season ends, the team will compete in Austrailia.

The Australian Open Event is on May 32, and is where the team will look to

defend their title as champs.Before competing in tourna-

ments, athletes have to be care-ful not to miss practice or they will be permanently shunned by the golf community and will be chased around campus by armed men riding coyotes until

they agree to pay an eight thousand dollar fine.

“You deserve to be fined for missing practice,” says team mem-ber MacDonald

Berger. “It’s more than a game. Golf

is a lifestyle. And if you don’t understand that, you can get out. Golf is love, golf is life.”

Sacrifices must be made in order to ensure that the girls golf team pre-vails in all of their endeavors.

Every shot is taken into account, and every swing could make or break their reputation in golf circles.

By Mr.Newspaper ManStaff Reporter

Long Beach Unified School District introduces a new

sport: extreme scootering.The tryouts were held

on February 30, where coach Tony Eagle carefully chose the team of talented scooter-ers who could do amazing tricks, such as “tailwhips”.

Unfortunately, during their first practice of the year, many talented scooterers were injured, usually with extreme damage to the ankle bone.

“Yeah, last week we lost

another member of our team. He’s hurt pretty bad,” varsity scooterer Jawn Cena, says. “He’s in a wheelchair and everything, but I guess that’s just the risk taken when joining this sport.”

“We’re hoping we don’t lose the rest of our team mem-bers. The remaining team is drinking milk so their bones get stronger to withstand the collisions with the met-al,” coach Tony Eagle states.

“They always strive to learn new tricks for competition, but they keep getting gnarly inju-ries. I know it’s not just Mil-likan struggling with this issue.”

Hide and Seek Comes to Millikan, Ready or Not

By La India Maria Staff Reporter

Students enrolled in P.E. are tired and annoyed

about swimming, running miles and doing push-ups ev-ery other day of the week.

Therefore, physi-cal education will be elimi-nated from Millikan High School on April 32, 2018.

Instead of physical educa-tion, students will be able to take another elective or just have

another unscheduled period.Physical education won’t af-

fect our future anyway, so the class isn’t necessary. We figure that learning how to play every single sport wouldn’t do us any good.

Plus P.E. messes up some non-athletic students’ 4.0 G.P.A, so why torture a student with a B or lower in PE class?

Students never really put effort into P.E anyways; might as well do something more pro-ductive during that hour and a half of pure sweat and torture.

By Wax DaddyStaff Reporter

It is official. As of April 1, 2018, high school athletes

will be paid $250 per season. This comes after years

of heated debate. Dr. Karen DeWorld, long time sports at-torney and student athlet ac-tivist, stated, “This resolu-tion has been long overdue and finally gives these kids what they rightfully deserve.”

Some are extreme-ly wary about this change,

for the threat it may pose on the purity of the game.

Hannah Torres, four time national champion and 30-year coach of soccer at University of DeLucca, says, “When you give all these darn rascals money to play the game, they will for-get that they really play: for the love of the game. Thus, the integrity of the game is lost!”

No matter which side you stand for, without a doubt, the money will have an im-mense impact on college ath-letes’ fighting for similar terms.

Golf Girls Reveal Secrets to Success

Students Paid to Play

New Dress Code for Girls Swim

By Ramen NoodlesAsst. Editor

In the near future, Millikan High School will introduce their

very own hide and seek team.Tryouts were held all over

campus that required students to hide until they were found. Due to the number of professionals who tried out, they lasted through the night. The coaches are still un-sure if everybody has been found.

According to team captain,

Red Bruno, “Hide and seek takes a lot of skill. You need that endur-ance, stamina, and patience to last through a game. Not everyone is lucky enough to be as good as me.”

The team’s first game is ex-pected to be sometime next month.

By KoolMathGamesStaff Reporter

Are you tired of PE every year, but not good enough to join

a sport? Well now there’s some-thing new coming to Millikan.

ESports are video games played competitively through-out a community, usually in a group. Some play for en-tertainment but others play when there is something at stake like cash or other prizes.

Examples of current popu-lar eSports are League of Leg-ends, Counter Strike Global Offensive, and Overwatch.

The reason why esports

are being added is due to the complaints from students about how after two years of required PE, they want to do something for fun, but not a physically active sport.

That is why eSports is the perfect idea. You do not need to be physically active and you can have lots of fun with the people you play with.

George Bobby says, “I love the idea of Millikan add-ing eSports. I feel like it would bring many people together and allow everyone to have fun.”

ESports will be com-ing to Millikan some time next year, in April 2019.

ESports EngageMillikan Athletes

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