By Ms Ho-lan POON

Ying Yin Catholic Primary School

Improving second language learners’ writing through explicit story structure instruction

Please discuss the following:

• Why are you interested in this topic?• What is your expectation of this sharing session?

Ying Yin Catholic Primary School

    Website:          http://www.yingyin.edu.hk

Email address:  yingyin@school.net.hk

Teacher:  Ms Ho-lan POON

Tel: 2476-2946

• School background

• Objectives

• Action planning

• The actions taken

• Reflection

Introduction

• Located in Tan Kwai Tsuen,    Hung Shui Kiu• 13 teachers in total• Textbook-bound• High flexibility in teaching style, e.g. co-teaching, interest group… etc.

Background

Learning how to plan the structure of a whole story is a writing skill that many teachers feel unsure how to teach and pupils are given limited opportunities to learn.

Our concern

Students’ writing at the beginning of the school term

Class: 5A

Yoyo

My good Friend

Steven is my good friend. He is always late for school…

(guided writing: one paragraph, around 40 words)

Class: 5A

Yoyo

My good Friend

Steven is my good friend. He is always late for school…

(guided writing: one paragraph, around 40 words)

Class: 5A

Lillian

I’m going to Japan. There are a lot of shops. I’ll get there by…(guided writing: one paragraph, around 30 words)

Class: 5A

Lillian

I’m going to Japan. There are a lot of shops. I’ll get there by…(guided writing: one paragraph, around 30 words)

Please discuss the following:

• Do your students have similar problems in writing? How do you help them overcome the problems?

• To arouse students’ interest in writing

• To raise students’ confidence in writing

• To explore how far explicit story structure instruction can help to improve second language learners’ writing in local context

Objectives

Research topic: Improving second language learners’ writing through explicit story structure instruction

Subjects: 10 Primary 5 students

Try-out period: October – December 2003 (nine to ten 45-min periods)

Time: 7:45 to 8:30 am on Fridays

Action planning

Selection of reading texts

Phase 1: Raising students’ awareness in text patterns and structures (Weeks 1-4)

• Reading texts 1 – 3: simple texts written with patterned and natural language

Phase 2: Explicit story structure instruction (Weeks 5-8)

• Reading texts 4 – 6: stories with with simple story structures

Phase 3: Writing simple stories using appropriate story structure for planning and drafting (Weeks 9-10)

Our implementation plan

Phase 1Raising students’ awareness in

text patterns and structures (Weeks 1-4)

The actions taken

Teaching procedure for reading texts 1 & 2:

1. The teacher had shared reading with students.

2. The teacher modelled creative writing using a PowerPoint.

3. The teacher asked students to complete worksheets.

Cinderella Dressed in Yellow By Rozanne Lanczak Williams

 Cinderella dressed in ___________________Went downstairs to __________________________________________.How many _______________________________________________? Cinderella dressed in ___________________Went downstairs and _________________________________________.How many _______________________________________________? Cinderella dressed in ___________________Went downstairs to __________________________________________.How many _______________________________________________?  

Cinderella Dressed in Yellow By Rozanne Lanczak Williams

 Cinderella dressed in ___________________Went downstairs to __________________________________________.How many _______________________________________________? Cinderella dressed in ___________________Went downstairs and _________________________________________.How many _______________________________________________? Cinderella dressed in ___________________Went downstairs to __________________________________________.How many _______________________________________________?  

Worksheet for creative writing

Please discuss the following:

• How to share the success criteria with students?

Cinderella Dressed in Yellow By David and Bryan

Cinderella dressed in yellowWent downstairs to say hello.How many people say hello?

Cinderella dressed in pinkWent downstairs and go to drink.How many drinks did she drink?

Cinderella dressed in greenWent downstairs to be a Queen.How many crowns did she have?

Cinderella Dressed in Yellow By David and Bryan

Cinderella dressed in yellowWent downstairs to say hello.How many people say hello?

Cinderella dressed in pinkWent downstairs and go to drink.How many drinks did she drink?

Cinderella dressed in greenWent downstairs to be a Queen.How many crowns did she have?

Rhyming words

interrogative

Cinderella Dressed in whiteBy Cindy, Amy and Yo-yo

Cinderella dressed in whiteWent downstairs to fly a kite.How many kites did she fly?

Cinderella dressed in pinkWent downstairs and find her ink.How many bottles of ink did she find?

Cinderella dressed in goldWent downstairs to hold her bowl.How many bowls did she hold?

Cinderella Dressed in whiteBy Cindy, Amy and Yo-yo

Cinderella dressed in whiteWent downstairs to fly a kite.How many kites did she fly?

Cinderella dressed in pinkWent downstairs and find her ink.How many bottles of ink did she find?

Cinderella dressed in goldWent downstairs to hold her bowl.How many bowls did she hold?

Rhyming words

interrogative

Cinderella Dressed in BrownBy Bobo, Kiki, Wendy, Gigi, Tina

Cinderella dressed in brownWent downstairs to go the town.How many towns did she pass?

Cinderella dressed in redWent downstairs and go to buy the bread.How many pieces of bread did she get?

Cinderella dressed in purpleWent downstairs to eat apple.How many apples did she get?

Cinderella Dressed in BrownBy Bobo, Kiki, Wendy, Gigi, Tina

Cinderella dressed in brownWent downstairs to go the town.How many towns did she pass?

Cinderella dressed in redWent downstairs and go to buy the bread.How many pieces of bread did she get?

Cinderella dressed in purpleWent downstairs to eat apple.How many apples did she get?

Rhyming words

interrogative

The revised reading text

When I grow upWhen I grow upI would like to be famous On TV. When I grow upI would like to beA baker In a bakery. When I grow upI would like to beA mermaidIn the deep blue sea. When I grow upI would like to beA millionaireWith jewellery. 

The reading text is revised to help the students recognize the simple structure of each stance

Vocabulary list for the students

When I grow upBy Kiki, Gigi

When I grow upI would like to beA singer and a dancer on stage.

When I grow upI would like to beA doctor in a clinic.

When I grow upI would like to be an air hostessin the aeroplane.

When I grow upI would like to be a secretaryWith my computer. 

When I grow upBy Kiki, Gigi

When I grow upI would like to beA singer and a dancer on stage.

When I grow upI would like to beA doctor in a clinic.

When I grow upI would like to be an air hostessin the aeroplane.

When I grow upI would like to be a secretaryWith my computer. 

When I grow upBy Tina, Wendy

When I grow upI would like to beRich and not short On TV.

When I grow upI would like to beA Winnie the Pooh in a honey.

When I grow upI would like to be a salesmanIn the shop.

When I grow upI would like to be a pianistWith the piano.

When I grow upBy Tina, Wendy

When I grow upI would like to beRich and not short On TV.

When I grow upI would like to beA Winnie the Pooh in a honey.

When I grow upI would like to be a salesmanIn the shop.

When I grow upI would like to be a pianistWith the piano.

Words that the students are interested in but not given in the vocabulary list

When I grow upBy Cindy Chow, Yo-yo, Amy

When I grow upI would like to beClever and polite in the office.

When I grow upI would like to beAn Aladdin in flying in the sky.

When I grow upI would like to be a chefIn the western restaurant.

When I grow upI would like to be a detectiveWith my magnifier. 

When I grow upBy Cindy Chow, Yo-yo, Amy

When I grow upI would like to beClever and polite in the office.

When I grow upI would like to beAn Aladdin in flying in the sky.

When I grow upI would like to be a chefIn the western restaurant.

When I grow upI would like to be a detectiveWith my magnifier. 

Words that the students are interested in but not given in the vocabulary list

When I grow upBy David

When I grow upI would like to beClever and strong on TV.

When I grow upI would like to beA pilot in an aeroplane.

When I grow upI would like to be an astronautIn the space.

When I grow upI would like to be an archeologistWith a lot of antique. 

When I grow upBy David

When I grow upI would like to beClever and strong on TV.

When I grow upI would like to beA pilot in an aeroplane.

When I grow upI would like to be an astronautIn the space.

When I grow upI would like to be an archeologistWith a lot of antique. 

Words that the students are interested in but not given in the vocabulary list

Please discuss the following:

• Do you think students enjoyed reading the books and doing the reading tasks?

Students’ feedback

WE DON’T LIKE WORKSHEETS!!

Please discuss the following:• What improvement will you make then?

Teaching procedure for reading texts 3 to 6:

1. The teacher had shared reading with students.

2. The teacher modelled creative writing by showing a PowerPoint

3. The students took part in different tasks and practised more free writing.

The actions taken

Please discuss the following:

• How is this story different from the first two? How to help students understand better?

Lunch with Cat and Dog by Rozanne Lanczak Williams

“A _____________! I want the most!” said Cat.“OK,” said Dog.“__________________________________ for you and ________________________________ for me.”“Yes!” said Cat.

…

Lunch with Cat and Dog by Rozanne Lanczak Williams

“A _____________! I want the most!” said Cat.“OK,” said Dog.“__________________________________ for you and ________________________________ for me.”“Yes!” said Cat.

…

Worksheet again???

The students are given some cutouts of food. They can divide the food in different ways, and write a short dialogue (like the one provided above) in pairs.

“A chocolate cake! I want the most” demanded Bo-Bo. “OK,” said Amy.“Two pieces for you and one piece for me.”“I’m full” said Bo-Bo.“Me too!” said Amy.

“A chocolate cake! I want the most” demanded Bo-Bo. “OK,” said Amy.“Two pieces for you and one piece for me.”“I’m full” said Bo-Bo.“Me too!” said Amy.

“A pizza! I want the most!” said gigi. “OK,” said yoyo.“Seven pieces for you and one piece for me.”“Yes!” said Gigi.

“A pizza! I want the most!” said gigi. “OK,” said yoyo.“Seven pieces for you and one piece for me.”“Yes!” said Gigi.

Miss Poon: “An ice-cream! I want the most.”David: “OK.” “Three cones for you and one cone for me.” 

“Two pieces for you and one piece for me.”Miss Poon: “Good!!”

Miss Poon: “An ice-cream! I want the most.”David: “OK.” “Three cones for you and one cone for me.” 

“Two pieces for you and one piece for me.”Miss Poon: “Good!!”

“A cookie with ice-cream! I want the most” screamed Wendy.“OK,” said Tina.“Eight pieces for you and one piece for me.”“Hooray!” said Wendy.

“A cookie with ice-cream! I want the most” screamed Wendy.“OK,” said Tina.“Eight pieces for you and one piece for me.”“Hooray!” said Wendy.

“A big meat ball! I want the most!” said Yo-yo.OK! said Cindy.“Two plates for you and one plate for me.”“Yes!” said Yo-yo.

“A big meat ball! I want the most!” said Yo-yo.OK! said Cindy.“Two plates for you and one plate for me.”“Yes!” said Yo-yo.

“Fruit jelly! I want the most!” said Cat. Two bowls for you and one bowl for me.”“Yes!” said Cat.

“Fruit jelly! I want the most!” said Cat. Two bowls for you and one bowl for me.”“Yes!” said Cat.

“An egg tart! I want the most!” said Dog. “OK,” said Cat.“Two boxes for you and one box for me.”“Yes!” said Cat.

“An egg tart! I want the most!” said Dog. “OK,” said Cat.“Two boxes for you and one box for me.”“Yes!” said Cat.

Phase 2Explicit story structure instruction

(Weeks 5-8)

Please discuss the following:

• Do you know this story? Please share your experience in teaching this story.

Story map: Day of the week story

Each student is asked to write down the food eaten by the caterpillar on a particular weekday assigned by the teacher on draft paper.

On Monday, he ate through an sushi, some slice of pizza, ten biscuit, on bottle of milk, but he was still hungry.

On Tuesday, he ate through one roast goose leg, two slices of pizza, three scoops of ice-cream and four pieces of cherry pie, but he was still hungry.

On Wednesday, he ate through a ham sandwich, a mango pudding, a four spicy sausages, but he was still hungry.

On Thursday, he ate through one packet of soya milk, one packet of baked potato and two packet of chocolate, but he was still hungry.

On Friday, he ate through a salmon sushi, two packets of biscuit, three sausages and four slice of salami, but he was still hungry.

On Saturady, he ate through one ice-cream, one strawberry cakes, two lollipops, one piece of chocolate pie, but he was still hungry.

On Monday, he ate through an sushi, some slice of pizza, ten biscuit, on bottle of milk, but he was still hungry.

On Tuesday, he ate through one roast goose leg, two slices of pizza, three scoops of ice-cream and four pieces of cherry pie, but he was still hungry.

On Wednesday, he ate through a ham sandwich, a mango pudding, a four spicy sausages, but he was still hungry.

On Thursday, he ate through one packet of soya milk, one packet of baked potato and two packet of chocolate, but he was still hungry.

On Friday, he ate through a salmon sushi, two packets of biscuit, three sausages and four slice of salami, but he was still hungry.

On Saturady, he ate through one ice-cream, one strawberry cakes, two lollipops, one piece of chocolate pie, but he was still hungry.

Students’ suggestions

Each student writes down the food eaten by the caterpillar on a particular weekday on a paper strip. The two ends of each strip is then stuck together to form a loop. The loops interlock to form the long body of a caterpillar which is then displayed on the notice board.

Making the longest caterpillar in the world

Please discuss the following:

• Do you know this story? Please share your experience in teaching this story.

Story map: Cumulative story

There was an ugly girl who swallowed a fish

By David

There was an ugly girl who swallowed a fish

There was an ugly girl who swallowed a fish

She swallowed a crab to eat the fish.

She swallowed a cat to catch the crab.

She swallowed a monkey to eat the cat.

She swallowed a spaceboy to eat the monkey.

神舟五號

I don’t know how she swallowed a space ship.

Interview with David

There was a tall lady who swallowed a ant

By Shum Lai Yin

There was a tall girl who swallowed a ant

There was a tall girl who swallowed a ant.

There was a tall girl who swallowed a cockroach. That wriggled and wriggled and tickled inside her. She swallowed a cockroach to catch the ant.

There was a tall girl who swallowed a butterfly. How absurd to swallow a butterfly! She swallow a butterfly to catch to cockroach.

There was a tall girl who swallowed a bird. Well, fancy that, She swallow a bird! She swallow the bird to catch the butterfly!

There was a tall girl who swallowed a Monkey! I don’t know how she swallow a Monkey. She swallow a Monkey to catch the bird!

There was a tall girl who swallowed a … What a hog, to swallow a lion. She swallow the lion to catch the monkey!

Rosie’s walk

Rosie the hen went for a walkacross the yard,around the pond,over the haycock,past the mill,through the fence,under the beehives,and got back in time for dinner.

Rosie’s walk

Rosie the hen went for a walkacross the yard,around the pond,over the haycock,past the mill,through the fence,under the beehives,and got back in time for dinner.

The reading text

Please discuss the following:

• Do you know this story? Please share your experience in teaching this story.

Tracing Rosie’s route

__________

__________

__________

__________

_____________

_____________

_____________

_____________

Story map: Journey story

Designing a new route for Rosie

Rosie’s walk (by students)

Rosie the hen went for a walkaround the farmpast the car exhibitionpast the swimming poolpast the playgroundacross the parkpast the book fairpast the shopacross the housepast the primary schoolunder the graveyardand get back in time for sleeping.

Rosie’s walk (by students)

Rosie the hen went for a walkaround the farmpast the car exhibitionpast the swimming poolpast the playgroundacross the parkpast the book fairpast the shopacross the housepast the primary schoolunder the graveyardand get back in time for sleeping.

Please discuss the following:

• Do you know this story? Please share your experience in teaching this story.

Phase 3Writing simple stories

using appropriate story structures for planning and drafting

(Weeks 9-10)

Final writing project: Message in a bottle1. The students imagine that they were left on a d

eserted island, and had to write letters to ask for help. Each of them is given a unique situation to handle.

2. Each student could choose one out of the three story maps to plan their writing

The actions taken

You are left on a deserted island. You decide to write a letter and put it in a bottle. Hopefully someone will see it and come to rescue you.

In the letter, you may choose one of the following topic and write:

1)You felt very hungry. What did you find to eat?

What did you swallow? How did you feel?

2)Where did you go? Over the hills? Down the bridge?

Across the river?

3)You have stayed on the island for a week. What did

you do on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,…?

What happened?

4) When I were free, I would...

13 different places for the students to choose

1. bridge 2. palace

3. waterfall

4. under the water

5. tree house

6. igloo

7. volcano

8.  jungle

9. desert

10. tents

11. cave

12. huts

13. graveyard

Word cards: 13 different places

Octopus

turtle

snake

crab

bearparrot

dog

cat

Word cards: animals / things you see on the island

squirrel

camel

skeleton

skull

unicorn

dinosaur

fairy

alien

Lion king

monsters

hamster

Drawing pictures about what happened on the islandDrawing pictures about what happened on the island

  What did you do?

Sunday 

    Monday

     Tuesday

     Wednesday

     Thursday

     Friday

     Saturday

     Sunday     

(Days of the week story: “The very hungry caterpillar”)

Story map 1

Cumulative story: “There was an old lady who swallowed a fly”

Story map 2

(Journey story: “Rosie’s walk”)

__________

__________

__________

__________

_____________

_____________

_____________

_____________

Story map 3

Sharing the plans in groups

From planning to drafting…

Published on school web site:

http://www.yingyin.edu.hk

I felt very hungry. First I ate a red apple. It’s sweet. Secondly, I ate a piece of meat. It’s salty. Next I ate a fish. It’s sweet and sour…

(Lillian)

I felt very hungry. First I ate a red apple. It’s sweet. Secondly, I ate a piece of meat. It’s salty. Next I ate a fish. It’s sweet and sour…

(Lillian)

I felt hungry. First, I ate two apples. Secondly, I ate three bananas. Then I ate two water melons. Then I ate six mangoes. Then I ate ten cherries. After that, I ate nine strawberries, four apples and five lemons. Finally, I ate three strawberries, four apples and three water melons. They were sweet.

(Gigi)

I felt hungry. First, I ate two apples. Secondly, I ate three bananas. Then I ate two water melons. Then I ate six mangoes. Then I ate ten cherries. After that, I ate nine strawberries, four apples and five lemons. Finally, I ate three strawberries, four apples and three water melons. They were sweet.

(Gigi)

I saw a skeleton. Next I met a hamster. Then I saw a dinosaur and a crab fighting. Then I looked at a camel, a unicorn, a fairy and an octopus playing chess. After that, I smelt two turtles, one monster and a cat. Finally I saw an alien dancing.

(Cindy)

I saw a skeleton. Next I met a hamster. Then I saw a dinosaur and a crab fighting. Then I looked at a camel, a unicorn, a fairy and an octopus playing chess. After that, I smelt two turtles, one monster and a cat. Finally I saw an alien dancing.

(Cindy)

I had stayed on the island for a week. On Monday, I saw a lot of kinds of fish! On Tuesday, I ate a lot of fish. On Wednesday, I went swimming with turtle in the water! On Thursday, I ate some crabs... On Friday, I saw a sea snake swimming. On Saturday, I saw a fairy in the sea. It was spectacular.

(Tina)

I had stayed on the island for a week. On Monday, I saw a lot of kinds of fish! On Tuesday, I ate a lot of fish. On Wednesday, I went swimming with turtle in the water! On Thursday, I ate some crabs... On Friday, I saw a sea snake swimming. On Saturday, I saw a fairy in the sea. It was spectacular.

(Tina)

I had stayed on the island for a week. On Sunday, I made a big house. On Monday, I found some leaves and made a shirt. On Tuesday, I found some food to eat. On Wednesday and Thursday, I slept. On Friday I felt very hungry and ate a lot of leaves. On Saturday, I slept. On Sunday, I made a boat. I was very happy. I hoped I could go home soon.

(David)

I had stayed on the island for a week. On Sunday, I made a big house. On Monday, I found some leaves and made a shirt. On Tuesday, I found some food to eat. On Wednesday and Thursday, I slept. On Friday I felt very hungry and ate a lot of leaves. On Saturday, I slept. On Sunday, I made a boat. I was very happy. I hoped I could go home soon.

(David)

Please discuss the following:

• Is this the ultimate target? What is the next step? How are we going to extend the experience of story structure instruction this year (04-05)?

• What are the impacts on your teaching?

Thanks