bullying talk kolter
DESCRIPTION
bullyingTRANSCRIPT
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Bullying is EverywhereNot just Over There
Marcia M. Laviage, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Medical Staff – Texas Children’s Hospital
281-242-2595
www.sugarbendcenter.com
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OBJECTIVES
1. To define what is/is not bullying
2. To identify consequences of bullying
3. To be able to engage in effective discussion with your child whether he/she is a bully or a victim
4. To be able to address the issue with your child without panic, fear, and/or anger
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What IS Bullying?
Repeated actions causing embarrassment, shame, fear, and/or anxiety
Physical, verbal, emotional/nonverbal, and/or cyber-bullying
Intentional
Involves an imbalance of power or strength
Incidents last only a few seconds
In unstructured settings (hallways, playgrounds, lunchrooms, bathrooms)
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What’s NOT Bullying?
Fighting 2 children of equal skill Humiliation and harm is not an important part of the
process
Early elementary development Verbal emotional expression not yet developed Can appear aggressive Doesn’t mean will grow up to be a bully
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MYTHS ABOUT BULLYING
Most bullying now happens online
Bullies are bullies and victims are victims
Bullying ends when you grow up
Bullying is a major cause of suicide
We can end bullying
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Here’s the Upside…
2009 Study Steps to Respect (elementary school program) teaching
how to Recognize, Refuse, and Report bullying, be assertive, and build friendships – 31% reduction in bullying
Other reductions reported with Parent Training Increased Playground Supervision Effective Disciplinary Methods Home-and-School Communication Classroom Management Training Videos
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TYPICAL BULLY CHARACTERISTICS
Average to above avg self-esteem
Strong need to dominate
Impulsive
Easily Angered
Often Defiant toward adults
Show little empathy
If boys, typically stronger than boys in general
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Did You Say Higher Self-Esteem?
Children who bully more likely than peers to: Get into frequent fights Be injured in a fight Vandalize property Steal Drink alcohol Smoke Be truant/Drop out of School
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TYPICAL VICTIM CHARACTERISTICS
Cautious, sensitive
Quiet, withdrawn, shy
Anxious, insecure, unhappy, LSE
Little to no friends – relate better to adults
If boys, physically weaker than their peers
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BULLY VS NON-BULLY
False Dichotomy Labeling others and themselves as either a bully or a
non-bully…AT ALL TIMES
Problem – what happens when a non-bully (ie, gets good grades, participates in extracurricular activities) engages in bully behavior? Student dismisses anti-bullying messages as “not for
me.” Teachers can make same mistake – miss viewing
bullying as a problem in their schools
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GIRLS and GOSSIP
905 children ages 10-14 Those rated as socially aggressive for spreading gossip or
intentionally excluding others are more popular at young end of age range
Popular 5th graders who rated high in gossip – by 9th grade, popularity and likeability were negatively correlated to gossip
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BUT CAN IT BE STOPPED?
Study – recording of lunchtime chat of 78 middle-school students
When child started to gossip, others responded encouragingly 80% of the time Once this happens, others rarely disagreed
HOWEVER, IF someone countered the gossip immediately, others more likely to dissent
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CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING GIRLS
Girls targeted in primary school 2 ½ times more likely to remain victims than boys
Girls directly victimized at 6 years old significantly more likely to still be a direct victim at age 10
Bullying changes over age Direct victimization to relational victimization (spreading
of gossip, withdrawal of friendships, social exclusion)
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BULLY=POPULAR=LIKABLE?
Increase Popularity = Decrease Likability
Popularity = Social Influence
Popularity does not translate into who you want your child to become
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SOCIAL STATUS
Research has CONFIRMED (February, 2011):
Kids intent on climbing the social ladder at school are more likely to pick on their fellow students
Status increases AggressionSTATUS
AGGRESSION
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SOCIAL STATUS (cont.)
98%
Aggressive behavior peaked
Working hard to get to the top
Aggression – physical attacks, verbal harassment, rumors, ostracizing peers
Higher social status in Fall predicted higher rates of aggression in Spring
Top 2%
Did not harass peers
Little left to gain by being mean
Picking on others only made them insecure
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Useful, but now what?
Reinforces new direction for anti-bullying programs
BYSTANDERS If other students allow
aggression to continue, reinforces what the bully is doing
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CYBER-BULLYING
Willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices…
The Cyberbullying Research Center
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CYBERBULLYING (cont.)
2010 Research Study 20% experienced CB 20% engaged in CB Teenage Girls most likely
to CB (21% vs. 18%) Girls – spread rumors Boys – hurtful
pictures/videos Students who have
experienced CB, 1.5x more likely to have thoughts of suicide
2010 Study by The CB Research Center
N=4,441 Students ages 10-18
Large Southern School District
37 Schools
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What Can Parents do?
Do NOT take away… FACEBOOK, MY SPACE, EMAIL, TEXT, TWITTER, AIM, IM, …
WHY? The #1 Reason teens do NOT talk to their parents? They do NOT want their computer, cell phone taken away!
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BUT…
Talk about Responsible Behavior
Talk about Reporting Irresponsible Behavior
Monitor Use – Time spent online
Supervise – Gave up right to freedom when put life publicly on internet
Report Behavior Yourself (to police, school)
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Websites about CB
Center for Safe & Responsible Internet Use http://csriu.org/
WiredSafety.org - http://www.wiredsafety.org/
Steps to Respect – http:community.cfchildren.org/
i-Safe America - http://www.isafe.org/
Cyberbullying Research Center http://www.cyberbullying.us
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CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING
Finnish Study – 2,540 boys at age 8 then again at ages 18-23 Bullies - more likely to develop Antisocial Personality,
Substance Abuse, Depression, and Anxiety Victims – more likely to develop only Anxiety Bullies AND victims – more likely to develop Antisocial
Personality and Anxiety D/O
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CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING (cont.)
University of Illinois study – 10,060 10th graders in 659 public AND private high schools
Looked at Verbal Harrassment ONLY 1 out of 5 “often put down” by peers Psychologically hostile classroom - good
students have difficulty learning; students who are behind have trouble catching up
Boys experience verbal bullying more often than girls, particularly if in private school
Smaller, private, and more affluent schools do very little to protect students from verbal abuse
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CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING GIRLS
Girls targeted in primary school 2 ½ times more likely to remain victims than boys
December, 2010 Univ. of Washington 1,495 10th graders Identified link between
bullying and substance use
BULLYING
DEPRESSION
SUBSTANCE USE
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CONSEQUENCES OF BULLYING (cont.)
Low Self Esteem
Feelings of Fear
School phobia/absenteeism
Nightmares, Sleeplessness
Depression, Anixety
Thoughts of Suicide
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WEST JORDAN, UTAH
6TH grader drafted hit list of 12 students
Months of taunting – beatings and having dog manure thrown in his face
One of the bullies grabbed the list from him and gave it to a teacher
Who got into trouble?
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CAN WE GET TO THE GOOD STUFF ALREADY??
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CAUSES OF BULLYING
No Single Cause
Characteristics of… Individual Family Peers School Community/Religion
All can place a child at risk
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FAMILY RISK FACTORS
Overly-permissive parenting – lack of limits
Lack of Supervision
Harsh, physical discipline
Modeling of bullying behavior
Lack of warmth
Lack of parental involvement
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MY CHILD…A BULLY?
Not born to bully
Combination of learned behavior and genetic pre-disposition
If they can learn it…They can unlearn it
Depends on YOU
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IF SO…
Have a serious talk
Clear and consistent rules MODEL, MODEL, MODEL!!! Don’t be a bully!
Spend more time with him/her
Increase supervision with friends
Communicate with teacher
Consult
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WHAT CAN YOU DO IF YOUR CHILD IS BEING BULLIED?
Be aware of signs Torn or missing clothing, books, items Resistance to going to school Lost interest in schoolwork/decline in grades Sad, moody when comes home after school
Communicate directly to school staff Document incidents Be collaborative, not combative
Model positive behavior Avoid putting child in position of exclusivity
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HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD
“What’s going on?” Who, When, Where, Why, How, How many times?
Explain cliques in terms of power/control, not friendship
Share your own memories – empathy
Brainstorm/Problem-solve
This too shall pass
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HOW NOT TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD
“What did you do to aggravate him/her?”
“Just ignore him.”
“Tease/fight back.”
“Why did you handle it that way? That was a bad idea!”
“Don’t be a tattle tale.”
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WHAT CAN YOU DO?Don’t Stir the Pot!
“Sugar and Spite and a Legal Mess Not Nice."
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WHAT CAN THE CHILD DO?
Always tell an adult
If told an adult before with no response, tell someone else
If afraid to go alone, bring along friend/sibling Tell adult: Who, When, Where, How Long, How it
made him/her feel If adult is at school, ask them how they will help
stop the bullying
Stay in a group Less of an easy target
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WHAT CAN THE CHILD DO? (cont)
Assertive, not Provocative Responses
Stand Up to the Bully Does NOT mean to FIGHT/BULLY BACK! Tell Bully (1) I don’t like it and (2) STOP, then walk away Use a calm voice Appear confident - Do NOT show distressed emotion
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WHAT CAN THE SCHOOL DO?
70% teachers believed that teachers intervene “almost always” in bullying situation
25% students agreed
25% teachers see nothing wrong with bullying – intervene 4% of the time
Students describe adult intervention is Infrequent, unhelpful, more harmful 30% 3rd-8th graders say adults did little to nothing to help
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SO…WHAT IS HELPFUL?
Private talk with the student being bullied
Private talk with “innocent” bystanders
Private talk with parents of both bully and victim
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WHAT CAN SCHOOL DO (cont)
Train all Staff Models for respectful behavior Response is consistent
Discipline is therapeutic, not punitive Encourage reports of aggression rather than focusing on
reducing “tattling” Do NOT blame the victim – send clear message to bully
that he/she is fully responsible for actions
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What Works in Schools?
School-Wide environment that discourages bullying
Student survey
Training to recognize and respond to bullying
Development of consistent rules against bullying
Review and enhancement of school’s disciplinary code related to bullying behavior
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What Works in Schools?
Classroom activities to discuss issues related to bullying
Integration of bullying prevention themes across the curriculum
Involvement of parents in bullying prevention
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WHAT DOES NOT WORK?
Forced apologies
Zero tolerance policies
Conflict Resolution/Peer Mediation NOT a conflict!; its victimization NO negotiation
Group Treatment for Bullies Feed off one another
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WE MUST WORK TOGETHER
PARENTS
SCHOOLSSTUDENTS
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Q & A
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RESOURCES
Olweus Bullying Prevention Program www.clemson.edu/olweus
Stop Bullying Now – HRSA www.stopbullyingnow.com
Back Off Bully – Stuart Twemlow, MD www.backoffbully.com
SAMHSA www.samhsa.gov/library/searchreal.aspx (use search
to find bullying)