BUILDING CHARACTER AND STRONG WORK ETHICS IN YOUR CHILDREN

Who Are We?Gus and Shirley got married in 1993.

We have six children.

We live in Homestead, FL.

Own Lifetime Books and Gifts

Creators of the Learning Shower Curtain

Speakers at conventions around the country-topics related to family and spiritual growth.

Why Did We Write This Course?

People kept asking us about it!

We see a problem with today’s society.

We believe character education makes a difference in each child’s life.

We want to HELP others with what we have learned.

Course Overview

The Problem Your Personal Challenge Human Needs and Character Character Helps Us Shepherd Basics of Character Resolving Conflict

Course Overview Continued…

Teaching Cause and Effect Learning to Accept

Responsibility When Do We Teach Character? How Do We Teach Character? Reading the Bible Using a Curriculum or Guide

Course Overview Continued…

How to Teach It in School Reading Great Books and How

to Find Them Using Work to Teach Character How to Train on Chores Plan of Action

The Problem

Things Have Changed…

Lower Standards Media School System

Society Families

We weren’t taught

…don’t know how Not committed

Your Personal Challenge

BE PROACTIVE!

*Commit to your own personal character training.

*Commit to finishing this program.

*Commit to staying accountable.

*Commit to writing down your goals.

*Commit to make character a life long process.

Character Helps Us Shepherd

Human Needs and Character

Basic Human Needs

Shelter Food/Water Clothing

Unconditional Love

Need to Feel Safe Spiritual

Guidance Acceptance Personal Time

Physiological Needs Spiritual Needs

Unconditional Love Helps a child know we accept him/her for

who he is.

We understand he/she is created by God.

We don’t ask for anything in return.

Consider This… Teaching character will require a balance

of unconditional love and discipline (training and consequences).

Without unconditional love, child may feel we are trying to change him/her for the wrong reasons.

Child NEEDS to know we love him/her! Beware of training in character, because

of what others might say or do. Only Fear God!

What is Character?What is Character Development?Is It Biblical to Train in Character?What Character Training Does Not AccomplishGoals of CharacterCharacteristics of Character

Basics of Character

What is Character? The 1828 Noah Webster’s Dictionary

defines character as the peculiar qualities that are impressed, engraved, inscribed by nature or habit on a person.

Character is the core of a person- “It’s who you are when no one is watching.”

What is Character Development?

The process of training our thoughts, will and emotions to those attributes exemplified

by Jesus.

Is It Biblical to Train in Character? Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good

character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 A wife of noble character who can find? She is

worth far more than rubies. Proverbs 31:10 But you know his proven character, that as a

son with his father he served with me in the gospel. Phillipians 2:22

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:11-13

Character Training Does Not:

Serve to make us moral individuals-morality without Christ is vain.

Replace our relationship with God.

Ensure we get 100% good kids- it’s not a formula.

It’s all about our relationship with God!

Goal of Character Is to develop the inner being to Christ-likeness.

Is to lead the person to their ultimate potential.

Is for the person’s own good-not society.

Is to equip the person to live a more fulfilling life.

Is to understand more of God’s Character-His attributes; Hence to develop a closer relationship with Him.

Characteristics of Character

1. Character is For All We learn alongside our children

Horizontal vs. Vertical Relationship

2. Character Has to Be Consistent!

Character has to be revealed consistently rather than one

time.

3. Character Requires a Cost

Character is formed or revealed when being tested.

Resolving Conflict

Definition of Conflict A striking or dashing against each other,

as of two moving bodies in opposition. A fighting; combat, as between men, and

applicable to individuals or to armies. Contention; strife; contest Struggling with difficulties; a striving to

oppose, or overcome. **A struggling of the mind; distress;

anxiety.

If We See Conflict as Negative… We avoid it- sometimes run from it!

We see rivals/enemies-somebody has to win!

Creates a victim mentality

Someone always gets hurt and has to lose

If Conflict is Embraced… We face it!

We look for a positive outcome

Each side learns from the conflict

Relationships usually get stronger

Each party becomes a team player- no longer enemies!

Steps to Resolve Conflict Between Children

Decide whether to be a mediator or to encourage them to solve the conflict on their own.

If you are getting involved, evaluate each party’s emotional state. Speak to each individually, if any of them is angry.

Ask each to explain what happened. Make sure each respectfully listens to the other’s version of the story.

Ask each to share how they feel. Help them.

Steps to Resolve Conflict Continued…

Ask each party to analyze and explain what HE/SHE is responsible for.

If person is having problem seeing “his” or “her” part, then pray with that person individually.

Guide each party to ask for forgiveness for their part (from the other person’s point of view).

Ask each what they are willing to “give up” in order to reach a resolution. Help them to see what is more important. What can they learn from this?

“It’s Not Fair!!”

Fortunately, God is not Fair.

He does not give us what we deserve…Instead, He gives us Grace.

“God is Just.” 2 Thess.1:6 Justice implies doing

what is right, or “what should be.”

Fairness Justice

Let’s Not Seek Fairness, but Seek Justice- “What Should Be.”

Steps to Resolve Conflict Between Parent and Child

Ages 1-9

Ages 10 and up

Teach how to respectfully appeal to consequence

IF THIS,

THEN THIS… CAUSE AND EFFECT

Common Sense and Consequences

Ways to Teach About Consequences...

Live life with them!

*Teach common sense using the Book of Proverbs

*Set up mock scenarios-use media, stories and movies

*Allow negative consequences-we never usually mind positive ones

About Common SenseCommon sense is:

good sense and sound judgement in practical manners.

Discernment

“If This…Then This…”

Lack of Common Sense Leads to…

“I saw some naive young men, and one in particular who lacked common sense.” Proverbs 7:7

“The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense.” Proverbs 10:21

“The person who strays from common sense will end up in the company of the dead.” Proverbs 21:16

Using the Book of Proverbs to Teach CAUSE AND EFFECT

My son, if you receive my words, and treasure my commands within you, so that you incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding; Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding…

Then you will understand the fear of the LORD,       And find the knowledge of God.

Proverbs 2:1-5

Variations of If…Then My son, do not forget my law,  but let

your heart keep my commands; For length of days and long life and peace they will add to you. Proverbs 3:1-2

Honor the LORD with your possessions, and with the firstfruits of all your increase; So your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10EACH ACT LEADS TO A

CONSEQUENCE!

In Other Words… “If This…Then This” teaches

cause and effect.

Cause and Effect teaches Common Sense/Sound Judgement/Discernment.

If you teach cause and effect you are teaching that an ACT LEADS TO A CONSEQUENCE!

“If this…Then This…”

Cause and Effect

Consequence

This is important to teach

RESPONSIBILITY

Accepting Responsibility

When Speaking…

“I dropped the cup!”

“I hit my brother.” “I am angry.”

“The cup fell.” “He made me hit

him.” “He made me

angry.”

Right Wrong

When Refusing a Consequence…

Think through “Who” caused the event that affected the consequence.

Accepting Responsibility: Allows the child to see his/her part and

what he could learn from the event.

Helps individual to see how his/her choices affect his future.

When Do We Teach Character?

All the Time!!!

Take advantage of every opportunity.

“You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6:7

Consistency

It’s FOOD for the Spirit!

Build an Internal Clock!

How Do We Teach?

This is What We Have Done… Read the Bible

Use character curriculum or guide

How to teach it in school

Great books/audios/movies to teach character and how to find them

Use work to train in character

Read the Bible

The Power of the Word The Bible has the power to influence the

youngest of children. Children are fascinated by it. Read the actual Bible, not necessarily a

child’s version. Use stories in the Bible to illustrate

God’s character and His specific traits. Use the words the Bible uses.

FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO… How are we going to know what Godly

character looks like? The Bible gives us “pictures” of right and

wrong. It illustrates God’s divine design for each

character trait, which helps us live out our life in a practical way.

Abraham Intercedes for Sodom

“Would You also destroy the righteous with the wicked? …Far be it from You to do such a thing as this, to slay the righteous with the wicked…” Genesis 18:23-25

Merciful Patient Approachable Just

Samson’s Riddle“Entice your husband, that he may explain

the riddle to us, or else we will burn you and your father’s house with fire. Have you invited us in order to take what is ours? Is that not so?” Judges 14:15

Manipulation Betrayal Ungratefulness Vengeance

God’s Attributes~sampling“ Your lovingkindness, O LORD, extends

to the heavens, Your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God; “ Psalm 36:5-6

“Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?”Romans 2:3-5

Use Character Curriculum/Guide

What to Look For Must be easy- not like juicing!

Don’t cover too much at once.

Lesson must be quick to begin with.

Make sure there are not fill in the answers.

Should be targeted for child’s age.

Should work on the same trait over a period of time.

My Suggestions: If you have children of all ages…

If you have children all under 9…

If you have children all under 5…

How To Teach It In School

Implement: Copywork Read classics individually Read classics aloud and discuss them Teach a Christian Worldview Provide plenty of good books with a

character focus.

And How to Find Them!

Great Books/Audios/Movies

Great Books/Audios/Movies

Exemplify worthy characters Tells us of the hero Show evil as evil and good as good Have absolute truths Move our heart towards God Inspire Always have negative consequences for

bad behavior

Where to Find Them Harder and harder to find! Look for old and modern classics written prior

to 1975 Used Book Stores Trustworthy store with your same values…hint!

http://www.ShopLBG.com

Examples of Great Books Little Britches Where the Red Fern Grows Little Rebel Becomes a Saint James Herriot’s Treasury for Children Mother Carey’s Chickens Heidi Little House Series Aesop’s Fables

Examples of Great Audios Sugar Creek Gang- all volumes Jim Weiss- all his audios Kingdom’s Dawn and series ABC Memory Book

Examples of Great Movies**Always review a Parental Guide Review to

determine if the movie is appropriate for YOUR child.

Gifted Hands Story of Jane Pittman Amazing Grace Temple Grandin The Christmas Shoes

Using Work

Work is Like a Muscle

It grows when you work it!

Test Tool

Work is a test tool to practice and sharpen the character traits we

are learning.

Cleaning the House is Not What You Think…

Although I really enjoy a clean house, the clean house is not the end goal, but rather the process of cleaning the house is the important tool to teach traits to our children.

12+ Character Traits Taught Through Work

Obedience Attention to Detail or

Thoroughness Working with

Contentment or Joy Stewardship of

Time/Money Perseverance &

Patience People

Skills/Teamwork

Initiative Creativity &

Decisiveness Teachable Heart Resourcefulness Orderliness Peace…To Be Still And Many More…

How to Train on Chores

Plan of Action

1. Your Personal Character Folder

Set up a folder in your computer or a three ring binder and label it CHARACTER. In this folder you will put all your goals, and print outs regarding character training.

2. Which Traits Are There? In order to know which traits you will

work on, you must know what all the traits are.

Read through the Character Traits and Verses PDF.

Put this PDF in your computer folder or print it out and store it in your CHARACTER FOLDER.

Pray over which areas you need to work on.

Choose one trait from this list daily and teach it to your family. Discuss it.

3. Set Family Character Goals

Decide what area of character you will focus on as a family.

Attentiveness is always a good character trait to start on.

Obedience lays a foundation for all other character traits.

Write down your goals and put them on your CHARACTER folder.

4. Determine the Chores Print out your Age Ready Chore List PDF. Read it through and determine which

chores are appropriate for each of the members of your family.

Take one day to train the children and follow through with the jobs. Watch the Training Video, if you need to review the training process.

Enjoy an evening of fun to reward them for their effort.

5. How to Teach It in School Print out the Character Quotes for

Copywork PDF.

Begin to implement the concept of copywork by giving your child a composition notebook.

Have him/her copy one quote each day.

6. Begin Reading Aloud Begin reading one of the character

books included.

Take time each day to do this.

Reading after a meal is usually the best time.

During reading, discuss character traits, or lack of, exemplified by the characters.

7. Decide on a Curriculum/Guide Once you have gone over all the

character traits provided in the Character Traits and Verses PDF choose an additional curriculum or guide that is age appropriate for your children.

Order it and implement it as a continuing process.

8. Evaluate Your Progress After working on your program for three

weeks, evaluate your progress. Determine what areas are working. Write

down the improvement you have seen. Determine what areas are not working.

Seek help by contacting us or reading any of the additional resources in the Always Incomplete Resource Guide PDF.

9. Set More Detailed Goals You have been working on overall family

goals up to now. If you feel comfortable with the program,

and you have seen improvement, it is time to set individual goals.

Set goals for you- What areas do you need to work on?

Set goals for each of the children. An older child can help you set goals for himself.

10. Continue to Re-evaluate Make it a habit to re-evaluate your

progress. Check your goals and write down the

improvements. Always keep a stock of good books for

the children to read. Always have the next curriculum or

guide you will be using ready, so when you are finished with the current guide, you can simply start on the new one without losing momentum.

Conclusion

Plant Those Seeds

Catch the Vision!

THANK YOU! I hope you have benefited from this

program. Please let me know if I can help you with

anything. If you have any comments on how to

improve this program or if you have any questions in your process, please email me at Shirley@BuildingCharacterWithChildren.com

Please send me your testimony. I want to know how this program has helped you!

It has been my honor to serve you…

Shirley Solis