Brown Alien

©Akujixxv 2014

10/23/14

I don’t really know Jamaica. How blue is the sky? How

cold are the waterfalls? Do I know enough patois to speak to family?

My father reassures me that I am. I beg to differ I am not. America

has been my home, what do I know about the little island of Jamaica,

where my father walked on rocks as a boy and as a result has

permanent bruises on his feet.

After 21 years his accent is still strong. My American

family do not understand him, they peek at me for translations. That is

a shame, since he tells the best stories. He is Jamaican, I am not. I do

not have his accent. My voice is weighed down in thick American

twang. My father says he wouldn’t have me any other way. I am

Jamaican in his eyes, his baby, his “pe’nuts’” as he says. Though I

feel disconnected from his land, I feel as though my brother doesn’t

even acknowledge it. He is American just like me.

We just eat the food; rice and peas, red snappa’, plantain, ox

tails, curry goat, curry chicken, festival, and coco bread.

and speak the language; “ Mi a gwaan easy”, “aye”

We are fakes with features similar to our Father’s.

~akujixxv

Akujixxv

I stopped keeping a journal a long time ago, ENVASION of

SPACE was the culprit. Even now there is no division between

ME and IT. IT has refused me my space and my freedom.

I AM ME,

YOU ARE YOU,

WE ARE NOT THE SAME!

IT doesn’t understand. But I fight IT, I fight hard. I also

discovered a new word, MY.

MY THOUGHTS,

MY OPINIONS,

MY CHOICES,

MY LIFE!

IT gets angry at these words. I don’t care anymore. Not my

problem.

I say no as much as I can, change plans, make plans, leave,

stay. I am no longer predictable. This is good. I have become a

lot happier.

~akujixxv

Control Freak

You are mentally ill, It is a shame you do not know it.You are passive-aggressive, reflective, unstable. I have tried for years to be happy with myself and you have stood for years as an obstacle. Your bitter remarks and unsolicited advice have left bruises. You are unhappy. And quite frankly I’m tried of your shit!

October, my favorite month is beginning to hold less

and less magic as I age. The old people around here no longer

give me candy, they say I’m TOO OLD. I won’t be trick or

treating this year, I think I’ll stay home and watch hocus pocus.

You take a lot for granted when you are young, you

get insulted when someone gets your age wrong, mistaking

you for 11 instead of 13, these will be the compliments you

crave for when you get 20 and the bags under your ages make

everyone say you look 25. You will fondly remember when you

were just a C cup when finding a size DDD is impossible and

takes half your paycheck. You will rush puberty so that you

may take part of a secret world filled with mature women,

until you feel your first real cramps. It is silly the things we rush

and crave for in youth.

1. Don’t let others live vicariously through you.

2. Live your life for you.

3. Your feelings/Opinions matter.

4. Stop being polite to those who don’t deserve it.

5. DON’T APOLOGIZE FOR EXISTING!!!!!!!!!! YOU

ARE NOT A MISTAKE, NOTHING NEEDS TO BE

FIXED!!!!!!!!!!6. BE GROWN, TAKE CHARGE.

Things to remember

Sometimes it feels very odd being on this planet, I miss home.