bridging the gender divide 10-15- olli
TRANSCRIPT
Osher Lifelong Learning InstituteOctober 14, 2015
Cindy Petitt
Bridging the Great Gender
Divide
Agenda
Is There Really a Difference . . . Due Diligence
So What?!
What Are the DifferencesYou Tell Me
What the “Experts” Say
Implications and What To Do
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Same or Different?
We are more alike than different
One small difference can have a big impact
Context Matters
The Big Debate – Nature vs Nurture
3
INTERPRETING DIFFERENCES
Many Men and Women are Similar Many Men and Women are Quite Different
Averages are different N
um
ber
of
peo
ple
4
So What
• It’s Fun To Talk About it
• Awareness Opens the Door to Understanding
• It is the Basis of Conscious and Unconscious Bias
• It Leads to Lots of Misunderstanding and Frustration
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Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part I
What Are The Differences?
• How are men and women different? Two boxes:
• What does it mean to: “Act like a man?”
• What does it mean to: “Act like a woman?”
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What Are The Differences?
Act like a Woman Box Act Like a Man Box
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Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part II
What Are The Differences?
• How do you feel most misunderstood by other group?
• What are most significant challenges of being in your group?
• What do you find most challenging about other group?
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Differences –What Do The Experts Say? More than 100 differences in brains of men and women – where blood flows,
structure, neural networks, hormones
Men have:• Larger amygdala
• Smaller hippocampus •More complex spatial centers •More gray matter
Women have:•Larger Hippocampus •More pre-frontal cortex brain cells •Larger language centers in both hemispheres and 40% more connections to emotional centers •More white matter
Many differences stem from pre-historic gender roles
Scientific evidence of differences is substantial
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Women Men
Brain Centers Verbal, Memory, Life Experiences –Focus on words emotions, observations – constantly reassessing, personalizingLet’s Talk – I want to know how you feel
SpatialFocus on objects and actions – don’t remember, don’t pick up signalsLet’s Not – I want to go for a run
Information Processing
Across Brain CentersMulti-taskExplore all possibilities, context, implicationsSee patterns and connect dotsStore memory in more parts of brain
Within One CenterOne task at a time – Focused ActionIsolate situations to problem-solveKeep conversations on pointIsolate key points-focus on most important
Chemistry Oxytocin, Serotonin, ProlactinCalming, Bonding, Stimulating Tear GlandsAccept Blame
TestosteroneAggression, Territorial, CompetitiveDeflect Blame
Rest States Never – 30% more blood flow in woman’s brainsOverwhelmed
OftenZoned Out
Brain Differences Create Gender Differences
Differences
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“You’re Not Listening” – It’s Not Personal
The Brain at Rest*
Female Brain Male Brain
Women Talk with Long Preambles and Closings
Men Have a Word Limit Threshold Before Brain Shuts Down
Speech PatternsPreamble Content Closing
Females _______________I________I_______________Males __I_________I___
Advice for Women: To Be Heard, Be ConciseAdvice for Men: To Hear, Stay Awake
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Women Men
Words Use more words • Feel disrespected when the listener is not paying attention• May talk more to regain attention• Too many words may feel like micromanagement
Use fewer words.• Feel disrespected when a person is wordy• When their word limit(for listening) is reached they will interrupt, be
distracted, zone out or become irritable.• Information shared is often vague
Criticism Criticize themselves• To bond by minimizing differences and making another person
feel better about their mistakes
Criticize others• To deflect negative feelings and establish status as a
form of competition
Action Drivers Are process oriented • Slow down to think through actions • Focus on the how• Self esteem tied to relationships,
doing it all-perfectly.
Are goal oriented• Rush to complete task • Focus on the what• Self-esteem tied to status, strength, quality
Accomplishments Ask questions about accomplishments ofothers to provide support
Talk about their own accomplishments• To position themselves competitively
Expression of Emotions
Are typically most emotional about family and relationships Are typically most emotional about sports or other competitive activity
Impact of Stress Are shut down. Stress stymies them and blocks learning. “Tend and Befriend”
Are revved up. Stress stimulates them andenhances their learning.
“Fight and flight”
Negotiations Use a more relationship and deliberate approachPersuade with emotional appeal (e.g., guilt)
Use a more aggressive and abrupt approachPersuade with data
Differences
Bonding-Competition Differences Play Out in Many Ways
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Body Language, Voice Differences and Communication Style Can Affect Confidence
Women Men
Nod means she is listening Nod means he agrees
Condense space – elbows to side and legstightly crossed.
Expand space – stretch out arms and legs
Sound more emotional because they use five tones when speaking – so there is more voice variation. Women talk faster, peak more softly and hear better than men.
Sound more commanding and confident because use only 3 tones, and have deeper and louder voice. Men talk assertively. They are more successful in taking and maintaining the flour.
Communication style reflects focus more on relationship than clarity and task.
Communication style reflects focus more on clarity and task than relationship
Body language is likely to emphasize enthusiasm and inclusion
Body language is likely to emphasize composure and stature. They use more commanding gestures and hold their heads straight.
Faces are expressive and they establish eye contact and tilt their heads to show interest.
Minimize facial expressions
Differences
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How it is defined . . .
Differences In How Love is Experienced
Saying “I Love You”
Women
MenWomen = Attachment
Men = Lust and Infatuation
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Differences - EYES
MENWOMEN
I don’t see any clutter . . . I didn’t even see
that garage door . . .
Different proportion of whites
Better peripheralVision, easier to connect and see what isgoing on around you
Better tunnel vision, easier to see straightahead and at long distance
Vision illustration from Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps by Allan & Barbara Pease
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Now that you know, what willyou do differently?
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