body's_earth
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"Body's Earth": H. E. Francis's "Ballad of the Engineer
Carl Feldmann"
Notonlydoestechnologicalmanwanttomakehisownbabies,buthewantstodoso
withoutthehormonesandflesh,withoutlustandarousal,andhismostheroic
representatives,theastronauts,embodythisdistrustofwomen,ofthebiological,andof
theirrationaldependenciesoftheflesh.
VivianSobchack,"TheVirginityofAstronauts"
Iftheseawasasymboloftheunconscious,wasspaceperhapsanimageofunfettered
time,andtheinabilitytopenetrateitatragicexiletooneofthelimbosofeternity,a
symbolicdeathinlife?
J.G.Ballard,"AQuestionofReEntry"
In"BalladoftheEngineerCarlFeldmann,"adisturbingshortstory,partproseandpartpoetry,H.
E.FrancisdissectsthelifeanddreamsofaNASAspaceengineerandinsodoingoffersatellingportraitof
infinitepresumption.Thoughnotsciencefiction,itcouldstand,like"ALettertoGod"and"Surface
Tension,"asafoundationaltaleoftheSpaceAge.
Atthestory'sinception,Feldmann,welearn,isunemployed,laidoffbythespaceagency
becauseofcutbacksintheaftermathoftheApollomissions.Unableanylongertobearthefrustationsof
hisdeadendedcareerandthesufferingofamarriagethateveninitsbetterdayshadplayedsecond
fiddletohisallconsumingwork("athreeshiftlifeleavesyounotimenotaminuteforsittingandtalking
andtouchingandmaybeevenanapineachother'sarmsorthegirlssittingonyourlapandallofuseating
icecreamtogethersomewhereandwatchingducks,swimming"
[246]),hiswifeClarahasdesertedhim.Herdeparturehasleft
himwiththeresponsibilityofcaringfortheirtwodaughters,
ElaineandGretta.AsFeldmann,povertyriddenandindespair,
makeshisdailyroundsfromhometoschoolandthe
unemploymentoffice,Francisgraduallydiscloses,instreamof
consciousnessstyleandlargelythroughtheuseofflashbacks,
histhoughts,fears,memories,andgrowinginsanity.
Intheproseportionsofthestoryweareplungedinto
hispastandpresentstrugglewiththequotidian,astruggle,
eventuallytragic,whichhisotherwordlinesshasmadehimincapableofenduring.Andininterwoven
poeticinterludes,welearnofhisrecruitmentbyWernhervonBraunandhisconversiontoNASATrue
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Believing.Priortojoiningthespaceagency,seemsFeldmannhadbeenamanwithoutvision,without
direction,butvonBraun"TheheartinthatgreatpresenceintheHiltontower"(duringhisinitialjob
interview)changedallthatbydemandingallegiancetohisextraterrestrialvalues.
VonBraunsaidstars.acityinthesky,manliftedupandup.
CarlFeldmann,Iwantyourhead.
Heinfuseshisvisionoftheextraterrestrialimperativeintohisrecruits.They
become,infact,extensionsofthe"GreatMan,"ahumandemiurge,andthe
missionheoffersthemismorethanscientific.
Hisgaze,
galactic,multipliedthesuns,universeonuniverse,
madeeverymanhisastronaut.Joinus,hesaid.
We'reafamilyhere.
Ineverhadafamily.
HighintheHiltontower,Carlbowedbefore
thatAugusthead.Whenheleft,hecarriedstars.(247)
Workingwithjoy("Hewantedwhenacheckcametotearitup"[254])athisownparticular
task,thedevelopmentof"newelectronicsensitivefeelersonthefingers,detectorsthatwould
revolutionizetheprocessofcollectionandtransmissionofdata,"hecomestoroutinelythinkofhis
individualmindasattheserviceofthespeciesmind.InspiredbyvonBraun,Feldmannrecognizeshis
placeinagreathumanproject:
onelifetolive,takeupthegauntlet,
eachforallfuturelife....
....................
Themindmustmake
aperfectpartthatfittheperfectpart
themindsofothersmadeornodeedscome.
BetweenEarthandmoonacitymustgrow
visible.
ThevariousNASAcitiesinwhichheandhisfamilymustliveHuntsville,Alabama;Houston,Texas;
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Sunnyvale,California;CapeCanaveralareprotoNewJerusalemsforhumankind,
citieswithincitiescreated
toexecutethedream,hierarchiessocommunal
nomonasterydedicatedtosaveGod'sworld,
noartisanraisingtheirfourhundredyears
Burgosstonebystonefeltsuchamedievalurge
tobuildcathedralsinthesky.247)
AndCapeCanaveral,heknows,isnothinglessthanthisproject'sthis"invisiblepyramid's"launching
pad:
Allflesh
gatheredatthebreedingpoint,Canaveral,
whereearthsalliedintothatmysteriousdark
tospawnworldsandpressbackmedievalnight.(24748)
Thoughherecognizesthehazardsofhisandhumanity'saspiration,hebelievesitabsolutely
essentialtohumandestiny:withoutthegoalofspace,wewillacquiescetomortality,willacceptdeath.
Withoutextraterrestrialambitions,therewillbenolifeofthemind:
Thewaytoitisdark,dark,perilous,
thelandscapeinfinite.Onlymindandallman'sheart
canoutreachthisworld'sdeath.Orwhy
mind?Whypassionstoexecutethemind'ssay?(247)
FeldmannthuscomestopossessatimelessunderstandingofNASA'saccomplishmentsandhis
owncontributiontothem.
CarlwatchedEarthpenetratesky.Electronics
carriedmankindthebeginningofthewayout,up.
Onscreensfleshsoaredwiththeirs,landed,explored,
nearlyexhaustingexhaustion,tilllunarliftoff
boltedintothecurrenthome.(252)
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halfwaytothemoon,oneafter,
oneafterthatandoneafterthat,untilbeyondbeyond
you'llfindthecityallblooddreamsof,you'llfind
methere,fairforyoutohousein,andtake
meintoyouagain,
anddreamnomore,butbe,
bothone.Allriversthenwillflow,alllight
burn,allearthstakelifefromus.Wewillbecome
thesongwelongtohear.(248)
ButthiscosmicCirceexactsahighpriceforhergift.ShedemandsofFeldmannthathefirstjourneyinto
hell:"Butonethingonly,love:/Youmust,beforeyougettome,godarkestdown"(248).Francis'sstory
chroniclesthisdescent.
Feldmannfindshimselfincreasinglyincapableofdealingwithhisdomesticlife.Withhiswife
gone,hisimmersioninthe"ceaselessnarrowround"(254)ofhouseholdchoresshopping,cooking,
cleaning,caringforhisdaughters,dressingthemeachmorning,combingtheirhairmakeshim"feellike
awoman,"andyetheknowsandhisdaughtersknowthathedoesnotpossessthe"specialequipment
...asensewhichkeepsakeel"ofwomen.Hismindiselsewhere.("KnowwhereIwas?Out/sofarIknew
everythingwaspossible.Ihad/afeelinginfiniteofstars"[256].)Inherdramaticdialoguebetweenthe
sexes"Duel,"feministRobinMorganhasherspokeswomanforthefeminineinsistthat"it'snottosee
myselfineverythingIwant,buttofindeverythingathomeinme."Feldmanndemandstheformer.)
"VoidsopenedintheEarth.Hestaggered."Becausetheycarry"theworld'sface,"hisdaughters,
despitehisobviousloveforthem,cometooppresshim.
Twocreaturesplayedonthelawn.Itsurprised:
howtheycomeandgoElaine?Gretta?
whosefacessometimesroseabruptasmonsters
inalairandwouldnotlethimpass,bodies
sosuddenlytransformedtoinnocence
he'dnothavedreamedhemustcutatthosefaces
turnedMedusaheads.(257)
Ineverythinghedoesforthem,theyfindhimwantingcomparedtotheirvanishedmother.WhenElaine
becomesillandmustbetakentothehospital,sherebels:"Shestruckandkicked,criedMa,Momma?I
don'twantyou,Ihateyou,Iwantmymother"(259).
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EncouragedbynewsofanewpositionatNASAforwhichheisqualified,Feldmann'shopesare
temporarilyrestored,butthejobgoestosomeoneelse,andFeldmann'sworldcomesapartattheseams.
"Inalldirectionswaste,voidinfinite,forever,/Nopathleadsofffrom
it,nogreengrows,nomanmoves,/noladybeckons,nocitystands"
(261).
Everythingearthlybecomesrepellent:Athinghappenedinthe
spring:coldcameintohim:atstrangetimesatsightofanewrose
budding,acrawlingcaterpillardazzlingwithblackandorange,eveninthe
sunicetouchedhim,itranuphisleg,piercedhisheart,heshiveredwhenhe
heardlaughter(262).Heistrappedinanalienworld:"Hisheadyearns
after/unrememberedmemory.Hisfeetcanfindnoway./Darkfillswithseethingtidesthatthrobhis
bones"258).
Andonespringdayhismadness,hisunearthliness,reachesafeverpitch.Allthatisleftofhis
worldisnegation.
Hesatonthebackstepsstaringattheearth.Hehadhisgardenspoutinggreen.Whatisitinthe
springbreaks?Ithurtstheground,andblood.Youalmostcannotholdthepainofwantingto
breakoutofyou.Bloodwantstogo.Fleshkeepsitfromspace.Cellswanttoknowtime.Whatisit?
isitoutthere?...Theneighbors'catpreensonthefence,whitewithblackspots,blacksuns.It
meowsatthegirls.Thesoundhurtshishead.Grettalaughs.Elainedoesnot.Not.(263;my
emphasis)
Hisdaughters,figuresofEarth,becomethefocusofhishallucinations:"Thegirls'headsmake
twogoldensunsinthegarden,movingandshimmering.Hairsquiverlikeaspider'swebinthemoonlight.
Suchbeautywherewillitgo?Theydigandplant"(263).LikeVirginiaWoolf'sSeptimusSmith(inMrs.
Dalloway),heisovercomewithanoumenalsenseofthesecretlifeinherentinthingsalifehecannot
identifywithandmustdestroy.Somethingisthrobbingintheground,hisfeetbeatwithit,itmovesand
moves,thecoldisgoing,hishandsflex.Handsmustdo.Do....Hegripshardthepost.Itthumpswiththe
movingdark.Airthumpswithit,sky,hishands.(263)Inhisotherworldliness,CarlFeldmanntakesthis
forceasamanifestationoftheverticaltendencythatdrivesalllivingthings:Whatisitholdsyoureyesto
Earth?Tearthemloosehewantshecan'tHestares:itbreaksandbreeds:allpushesup,up,tosun
andafter,againstalldown.Somanymillionyearsinhisblooddriveupandstilllookdown?Gravityhold
down,legswanttheEarthtosuckyoudown,butnotthehead,not(26364).
HisgirlsareoftheEarth;toFeldmanntheyareEarth."Thegirls'headsfallingold.Littlesuns.But
body'sEarth.Hestaresatthem:twoearths.Tobreed"(264;myemphasis).Thishecannotbear.
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Theirearthiness,theirinextricableinvolvementintheworldlyandthecontingent,negatehis
values.Workisdignity.Dreamisdignity.TheEarthisdark.Hiseyesgointoit.Nodignity'sahole.The
hole'sinme,suckmedownintoitlikeEarth'sowngravity,astar's,theuniverse's.Alleatsitself.Godeats
hisownbody,eatstimeandspace,hereafter(264).
AshefeelstheEarthbeatinhim,helongstobefreeofwhathasbeencalled"thecosmicfood
chain"(Thompson,Passages101).Plaguedbythe"oldthinginthebloodthatwantsandwants"(264),he
looksintoElaine'seyesandfeelsherrejection,herneedforherrealmother.Hestranglesherandthen,
simplyandmethodically,hersisteraswell.
InthecharacterofCarlFeldmann,inhisverticalobsession,hisdistrustoftheearthly,hispuerile
failureofaccommodationtotheeveryday,hisSpaceAgedreamofaNewJerusalem,acity"beyond
beyond,"acity"allblooddreamsof,"hisspaciness,werecognizethestigmataofthemodern,New
Gnostic.Suchamentalitydoesnot,ofcourse,requirethemurderofone'schildren,butcommitmentto
theextraterrestrialimperative,theaspirationto"purgethemindofallthoughtwhichturned/...backto
Earth,"doesexactunrivaledsacrificesfromitsinfinitelypresumptuoushosts,askingnothinglessthan
abandonmentofourplaceonEarthandtheexcarnationofthehuman.
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