blackout: remembering the things i drank to forget by sarah hepola - introduction

7/21/2019 BLACKOUT: REMEMBERING THE THINGS I DRANK TO FORGET by Sarah Hepola - Introduction

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2/31

Acvakhl praisl dfr

GBAH@F\S

Snl stfry fd a risiko stars jfurkly fd slbd-clstruhtifk akc

rlabizatifk, Gbah`futis orippiko, abtlrkatlby lxhruhiatiko akc dukky,

shary akc nfpldub, akc glautidubby writtlk. I bfvlc it

Akkl Baeftt, autnfr fd Xeabb Tihtfrils

a car`, dukky, nfklst-tf-tnl-gfkl ahhfukt fd olttiko sfglr

Guzzdllc

Xaran Nlpfbas Gbah`fut is tnl glst ìkc fd elefir: filrhlby

dukky, dubb fd narc-wfk wiscfe, ear`lc gy a writlr witn

pnlkfelkab oidts fd fgslrvatifk akc iksiont. Snl gff` lkoaols

ukivlrsab qulstifks _nlrl cf I glbfko6 _nat dubfibbs el6 tnat wibb lkoaol aky rlaclr

Leiby Wapp, autnfr fd Snl Xtibb ]fikt Fd

Snl Surkiko _frbc

Wazfr-snarp . . . efclrk, raw, akc paikdubby rlab-akc lvlk

nibarifus . . . Nlpfba efvls glyfkc tnl akabysis fd nlr accihtifk,

eaìko tnis tnl stfry fd lvlry wfeaks fiont tf gl sllk dfr wnf

snl rlabby is

@irùs (starrlc rlvilw)

Fkl fd tnl efst aktihipatlc pfp hubturab lvlkts fd 7=1


3/31

Fkl fd tnl glst gff`s wl hakt wait tf rlac ik 7=1


4/31

GBAH@F\S

s

Wleleglriko tnl Snikos I Crak` tf Dfrolt

X A W A N N L ] F B A

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5/31

www.twfrfacsgff`s.hfe

Dirst pugbisnlc ik Orlat Gritaik ik7=1>.

Abb rionts rlslrvlc. Kf part fd tnis pugbihatifk eay gl rlprfcuhlc, stfrlc ik a

rltrilvab systle, fr trakseittlc, ik aky dfre fr gy aky elaks witnfut tnl prifr

writtlk plreissifk fd tnl pugbisnlr, kfr gl ftnlrwisl hirhubatlc ik aky dfre fd

gikciko fr hfvlr ftnlr tnak tnat ik wnihn it is pugbisnlc akc witnfut a sieibar

hfkcitifk gliko iepfslc fk tnl sugslqulkt purhnaslr.

Snis elefir rllhts tnl autnfrs bidl daitndubby rlkclrlc tf tnl glst fd nlr agibity.

Xfel kaels akc iclktidyiko cltaibs navl gllk hnakolc tf prftlht tnl privahy fd ftnlrs.Snl autnfr is oratldub tf Xabfk,Klrvl, akc Snl Efrkiko Klws, wnlrl sfel

fd tnl eatlriab ik Gbah`futfirst applarlc ik a ciddlrlkt dfre.Snis is _atlr: Xfel Snfuonts, Clbivlrlc fk a Xiokifihakt Fhhasifk, agfut Biviko a

Hfepassifkatl Bidlgy Cavic Dfstlr _abbahl. Hfpyriont 7==9gy tnl Cavic Dfstlr_abbahl Bitlrary Srust. \slc gy plreissifk.

A HI] hatabfoul rlhfrc dfr tnis titbl is avaibagbl drfe tnl Gritisn Bigrary

Sracl ]aplrgah` isgk9?> 1 3?8 414=> =

Lgff` isgk9?> 1 3?8 414=9 ?

]riktlc akc gfukc gy H]I Orfup (\@) Btc, Hrfycfk, hr= 3yy

Nfcclr & Xtfuontfk pfbihy is tf usl paplrs tnat arl katurab,

rlklwagbl akc rlhyhbagbl prfcuhts akc eacl drfe wffc orfwk ik

sustaikagbl dfrlsts. Snl bfooiko akc eakudahturiko prfhlssls arl lxplhtlc

tf hfkdfre tf tnl lkvirfkelktab rloubatifks fd tnl hfuktry fd frioik.

Nfcclr & Xtfuontfk Btc

Harelbitl Nfusl


6/31

dfr akyfkl wnf kllcs it

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7/31

s

] W L B \ C L

SNL HIS Y FD BIONS

Ie ik ]aris fk a eaoazikl assiokelkt, wnihn is lxahtby as

orlat as it sfukcs. I lat cikklr at a rlstaurakt sf dakhy I

navl tf `llp rlsistiko tnl urol tf crfp ey dfr` just tf sll nfwdast sfelfkl wibb pih` it up. Ie crikìko hfokahtnl gffzl fd

ìkos akc rap starsakc I bfvl nfw tnl skidtlr sik`s gltwllk

tnl hrff`s fd ey fikolrs, aeglr biquic sbfsniko up tnl sicls as I

efvl it ik a fiourl liont. Bi`l swirbiko tnl fhlak ik tnl pabe fd

ey nakc.

Xfelwnlrl klar eickiont, I tuegbl iktf a hag witn ey drilkc

akc tnl kiont starts tf stuttlr akc sìp. Xnl blaks iktf el, tnlgukcbl fd shard arfukc nlr dahl. Its hfbc, akc wl arl squisnlc

tfoltnlr fk tnl vikyb slat, tff bit tf harl agfut tnl iktieahy fd

fur biegs. Snl strllts arl a selar tnrfuon tnl wikcfw. Snl taxi

eltlr, a rlc gbur. Nfw cic wl olt gah` sf dast6 A slhfkc aof, wl

wlrl bauoniko ik tnl hag. Akc kfw, Ie stakciko fk tnl strllt

abfkl.

I wab` tnrfuon tnl drfkt cffr fd ey nftlb, iktf tnl griontsquikt fd tnl bfggy. Ey nllbs hbih`lty-hba` ahrfss tnl wnitl

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X a r a n N l p f b a

7

stfkl. Its tnat tiel fd kiont wnlk lvlry ffr nas a gakaka

pllb, akc id Ie kft harldub, I eiont fikc ey dahl aoaikst tnlorfukc, ey nakcs grahlc glsicl el, akc Ibb navl tf lxpbaik tf

tnl hfkhilrol nfw hbuesy akc nibarifus I ae. Xf I wab` witn a

vioibakhl I nfpl cflskt snfw.

I lxhnakol a dlw pblasaktrils witn tnl hfkhilrol, a git fd

tnlatlr tf prfvl Ie kft tff cruk`, akc Ie prfuc fd nfw stlacy

ey vfihl sfukcs. I cfkt wakt nie tnikìko Ie just akftnlr

Aelrihak oirb wastlc ik ]aris. Snl bast tniko I nlar is ey nllbs,stlacy as a eltrfkfel, lhnfiko tnrfuon tnl bfggy. Akc tnlk,

tnlrl is kftniko. Kft a ofccaek tniko.

Snis napplks tf el sfeltiels. A hurtaik dabbiko ik tnl

eiccbl fd tnl aht, blaviko eikutls akc sfeltiels nfurs ik tnl

car`. Gut akyfkl wathniko el wfubckt kftihl. Snlyc siepby

sll a wfeak fk nlr way tf sfelwnlrl lbsl, witn kf icla nlr

elefry just skapplc ik nabd.Its pfssigbl yfu cfkt `kfw wnat Ie tabìko agfut. Eaygl

yfurl a efclratl crik`lr, wnf gagy-sips twf obassls fd wikl

akc blavls lvlry party at a rlasfkagbl nfur. Eaygl yfurl fkl

fd tnfsl buh`y dlbbfws wnf hak sburp yfur wnis`ly abb adtlr-

kffk akc klvlr cisapplar iktf tnl crik`. Gut id yfurl bi`l el,

yfu `kfw tnl tnukclrgfbt fd waìko up tf cishfvlr a gbak`

spahl wnlrl pivftab shlkls snfubc gl. Ey lvlkikos hfel witntrapcffrs.

I cfkt `kfw nfw euhn tiel I bfsl ik tnis car`klss. Fr wnat

ta`ls pbahl. _nlk tnl hurtaik bidts aoaik, tnis is wnat I sll.

Snlrl is a glc, akc Ie fk it. Snl bionts arl bfw. Xnllts arl

wrapplc arfukc ey ak`bls, sfdt akc hffb aoaikst ey sìk. Ie fk

tfp fd a ouy Ivl klvlr sllk gldfrl, akc wlrl naviko slx.

Nfbc fk. Hak tnis gl riont6 Ie naviko slx witn a eak, akc

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9/31

G b a h f u t

8

Ivl klvlr sllk nie gldfrl. Its bi`l tnl ukivlrsl crfpplc el

iktf sfelfkl lbsls gfcy. Iktf sfelfkl lbsls bidl. Gut I slle tfgl lkjfyiko it. Ie eaìko abb tnl riont sfukcs.

As tnl rffe hfels iktf dfhus, ey gfcy hfepbltls its lrftih

paktfeiel. I hfbbapsl glsicl nie akc wlavl ey blos tnrfuon

nis. I wfkclr id I snfubc gl wfrrilc riont kfw, gut Ie kft sharlc.

I cfkt elak tf suoolst Ie gravl. I elak tf suoolst yfu hfubc

grla` a pilhl fd pbywffc fvlr ey nlac, akc I wfubc seibl, kfc,

akc `llp ofiko.Snl ouy iskt gac-bffìko. Xbiontby gabciko, gut nl nas ikc lyls.

Snly obistlk ik tnl bfw biont. Akc I tnik`, wnflvlr pih`lc up tnis

eak, snl cic ak F@ jfg.

Yfu rlabby `kfw nfw tf wlar a ouy fut, nl says. I trahl a

`kuh`bl cfwk tnl sicl fd nis dahl. It slles ukdair tnat nl snfubc

`kfw el, akc I cfkt `kfw nie, gut Ie uksurl fd tnl ltiqulttl.

Lxhusl el, gut wnf arl yfu, akc wny arl wl duhìko6I snfubc of, I tlbb nie.

Nl oivls ak akkfylc bauon. Yfu just saic yfu waktlc tf

stay.

Xf I stay witn tnl strakolr ik tnl snacfws fd a rffe I cf

kft rlhfokizl, bffìko fut fktf a hity tnat is kft ey nfel. Snl

wikcfw strlthnls ahrfss tnl wabb, akc I starl at tnl twik`biko

bionts. I sefftn ey nakc abfko nis hnlst. It slles bi`l tnl pfbitltniko tf cf. Nl strf`ls ey nair, akc grikos ey nakc tf nis bips,

akc id akyfkl wlrl wathniko us, wl wfubc bff` bi`l twf plfpbl

ik bfvl.

A gbah`fut is tnl uktakobiko fd a eystlry. Its cltlhtivl wfr`

fk yfur fwk bidl. A gbah`fut is: _nat napplklc bast kiont6_nf

arl yfu, akc wny arl wl duhìko6

As I bil ik tnl hrff` fd nis are, I navl sf eaky qulstifks.

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3

Gut fkl is bfuclr tnak tnl ftnlrs. Ik bitlraturl, its tnl qulstifk

tnat baukhnls orakc jfurklys, glhausl nlrfls arl fdtlk crfpplciktf cllp, car` jukobls akc dfrhlc tf eahnltl tnlir way fut. Gut

dfr tnl gbah`fut crik`lr, its tnl qulstifk tnat baukhnls akftnlr

snitty Xaturcay.

Nfw cic I olt nlrl6

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11/31

s

I K S W F C \ H S I F K

_FELK _NF CWIK@

Iwas 88, akc byiko fk a dutfk ik tnl eiccbl fd tnl cay wathn-

iko a tab` snfw, glhausl I hfubc. I was a drllbakhl writlr ik

Klw Yfr`, akc I was nukofvlr, akc try tf stfp el.Snl snfw was cishussiko rfffils. ONG, Wfnypkfb, tnl catl

rapl cruos. Snis was 7==?, gut Ic gllk nlariko agfut rfffils

sikhl tnl batl 9=s: fcfrblss, hfbfrblss sugstakhls crfpplc iktf

a crik` tf lrasl elefry, bi`l sfeltniko fut fd a shi-fi efvil.

Ic rlhlktby sllk a kltwfr` hriel craea ik wnihn tnl nlrfikl

was sbipplc a rfffil akc wf`l up ik a cakolrfus eaks nfusl.

Lvlry fkhl ik a wnibl, eftnlrby typls (ikhbuciko ey ahtuabeftnlr) wfrrilc I eiont gl vubklragbl tf tnis ikvisigbl elkahl.

Snl tab` snfw nfst, dfr fkl, was vlry hfkhlrklc. Bacils, hfvlr

yfur crik`s.

I nac a ciddlrlkt crik`iko prfgble, abtnfuon I wfubckt navl

uslc tnl wfrc prfgble, at blast kft witnfut air quftls. Fkl

efrkiko, I wf`l up ik tnl biviko rffe fd a hutl Gritisn ouys

apartelkt. Snl ikatagbl eattrlss was bla`iko, akc ey asswas shrapiko tnl orfukc ik a pbastih naeefh`. Snl bast tniko I

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4

rleleglrlc was wabìko ey drilkc Bisa tf tnl sugway tnl kiont

gldfrl. Xnl nlbc gftn ey nakcs. Cf kftof nfel witn tnat ouy,snl saic, akc I saic, I prfeisl. ]ik`y swlar. Snlk I wlkt gah`

iktf tnl gar, akc nl frclrlc us akftnlr rfukc.

Snis was tnl ìkc fd lxhitlelkt I waktlc drfe a sikobl bidl

ik Klw Yfr`, tnl ìkc fd lxhitlelkt I was nfpiko tf fikc wnlk

I bldt Slxas at tnl aol fd 81ik a Nfkca bfaclc cfwk witn gff`s

akc nlartgrla`. I ukclrstffc tnl hity was kft tnl snieelriko

daktasia pfrtraylc gy hnareiko Aucrly Nlpgurk efvils akc_ffcy Abblk vablktikls akc dfur dakhy bacils fk NGF. Gut I

waktlc ey fwk stfrils, akc I ukclrstffc crikìko tf gl tnl

oasfbikl fd abb acvlkturl. Snl glst lvlkikos wlrl tnl fkls yfu

eiont rlorlt.

I nac slx witn sfel rakcfe Gritisn cucl akc wf`l up fk a

blaìko air eattrlss, I tlxtlc ey drilkc Xtlpnakil.

Hfkoratubatifks! snl tlxtlc gah`.Awlsfel. Nion-fivl. Nlbb, ylan. Snlsl wlrl tnl rlspfksls I

oft drfe dleabl drilkcs wnlk I tfbc tnle agfut ey cruk`lk

lshapacls. Efst fd ey drilkcs wlrl earrilc gy tnis pfikt.

Xfeltiels tnly wfkclrlc abfuc wnat gliko ukattahnlc ik tnlir

8=s wfubc gl bi`l. Harllkiko arfukc tnl hity at 7ae. Sibtiko tnl

wicl grie fd a eartiki obass tfwarc tnl s`y tf hathn wnatlvlr

pbuk`lc iktf it.Gliko ukattahnlc ik ey 8=s dlbt offc. I waskt sf bfklby0

rlabity ST was quitl rfgust tnat ylar. Clsiok prforaes. Hnld

prforaes. Eusihiaks wnf uslc tf gl daefus catiko wfelk wnf

nfplc tf glhfel daefus. Snat rfffil tab` snfw eacl it slle

bi`l gliko a sikobl wfeak was plribfus, akc yfu nac tf gl fk

ouarc at abb tiels, gut I was kueg tf tlrrfr ablrts gy tnlk. _nat-

lvlr nfrrfr lxistlc ik tnl wfrbc, I was prltty surl ONG was kftey prfgble.

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G b a h f u t

?

Fkhl, Ic ofttlk sf gbastlc at a party I wf`l up ik a cfo glc,

ik sfelfkl lbsls nfusl.Cf yfu tnik` yfu oft rfffilc6 ey drilkc as`lc el.

Yls, I tfbc nlr. I tnik` sfelfkl sbipplc el tlk crik`s.

s

Gff`s agfut abhfnfbise fdtlk tab` agfut tnl nicclk

crikìko fd wfelk. Snats gllk tnl bikl dfr clhacls. Gfttbls

stasnlc glnikc tnl pfttlc pbakt. Xips ta`lk witn snaìko nakcswnlk kf fkl is bffìko, glhausl sfhilty bff`s cfwk fk wfelk

wnf crik`.

I bff`lc up tf wfelk wnf crik`. Ey nlart glbfkolc tf tnl

clfiakt fkls, tnl hioarlttl sef`lrs, tnl pakts wlarlrs, tnl fkls

wnf oavl a stidd are tf nistfry. Ik hfbblol, wl crak` bi`l tnl

gfys. Adtlr hfbblol, wl nuko arfukc ik civl gars witn fur eabl

drilkcs, akc batlr, wnlk lvlryfkl orlw bfusy witn lxplkcagblikhfel akc tnl drllcfe fd naviko kf ics, wl craiklc gfttbls fd

haglrklt fvlr stla` cikklrs akc clgatlc tnl sefftnlst gblkcs

fd Elxihak tlquiba.

I jfiklc a wfelks gff` hbug wnlk I was ik ey batl 7=s. It was

habblc Githnls akc Gff`s, wnihn sllelc dukky at tnl tiel. _l

oatnlrlc fkhl a efktn, akc gabakhlc tiky wnitl pbatls fd gril

akc hrah`lrs fk fur `klls as wl cishusslc Akk ]athnltt akcAuoustlk Gurrfuons akc crak` wikl. Wivlrs fd wikl. _atlrdabbs

fd wikl. _ikl akc hfkdlssifk. _ikl akc sistlrnffc.

_ikl nac glhfel fur sfhiab obul, tnl elhnakise fd fur

gfkciko. _l kllclc tnl wikl tf snut fut tnl jah`naeelrs fd

fur fwk plrdlhtifkise akc ukbfh` tnl slhrlts wl `lpt witnik.

_ikl was tnl hlktlrpilhl fd cikklr partils akc rlbaxiko lvlkikos

at nfel. It was a rlquirlelkt dfr wfr` lvlkts akc dfreab dls-tivitils. Blts kft lvlk elktifk tnl wfrc gahnlbfrlttl. Drilkcs

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>

efvlc tnlir wlccikos fut fd hnurhnls akc iktf rlstaurakts akc

gars, wnlrl waitlrs slrvlc hnaepaokl gldfrl tnl gricl nac lvlkapplarlc. Snl hffb eftnlrs nac hnarcfkkay pbaycatls akc klvlr

blt tnl cleakcs fd hnibc rlariko `llp tnle drfe nappy nfur.

CIY sitls sfbc fklsils witn a wik`.Efeey crik`s glhausl I hry.

I wrftl stfrils agfut ey crikìko. Xfel wlrl fihtifk, akc sfel

wlrl paikdubby trul, akc I bi`lc tnat ey skappy hfeih tfkl eacl

it narc tf tlbb wnihn was wnihn. I wrftl agfut olttiko wastlc

gldfrl 3pe (trul) akc waìko up adtlr a narc-partyiko eusihdlstivab klxt tf Hnuh` @bfstlreak (kft trul), sbaeeiko snfts

witn strakolrs akc crikìko qulsf drfe a tf-of hup (efrl fr blss

trul). _felk tfcay arl kftfrifus dfr jucoiko lahn ftnlragfut

nfw wl raisl hnibcrlk, agfut nfw wl bff` ik a swiesuit, agfut

nfw wl cishuss rahl, olkclr, fr hbass. Ylt kf eattlr nfw rlh`blss

fr gffziko ey tabls wlrl, I klvlr dlbt jucolc dfr fkl fd tnle. Ik

daht, I ikc fd tnfuont wfelk bff`lc up tf el.Gy tnl batl auonts, guegbiko, gbfttf nlrfikls wlrl a stapbl fd

fur karrativls. Gricolt Jfklss Ciarywas bi`l a trll tnat nac orfwk

a tnfusakc biegs. Harril Gracsnaw was a elcia lepirl. Hnlbsla

Nakcblr was guibciko a savvy gusiklss grakc pbayiko tnl part fd

a wfeak euhn cruk`lr akc efrl dffbisn tnak snl hfubc pfssigby

gl. (_as tnlrl aky gff` titbl efrl ikcihativl fd tnl efelkt tnak

Arl Yfu Snlrl Tfcà6 Its El, Hnlbsla6A bfkoiko dfr spirituabclbivlrakhl, tnl ikkfhlkhl fd yfuko acubt bitlraturl, akc Orly

Offsl.) Ey seart, suhhlssdub dleabl drilkcs tfrl tnrfuon tnlir

\s _ll`bils, wniblKlw Yfr`lrs piblc fk a hfrklr tagbl bi`l nfel-

wfr`, akc dfbbfwlc tnl eisacvlkturls fd tnl lras party oirbs. Ik

ak aol fd slx tapls akc glavlr snfts, tnlrl was kftniko lcoy fr

rleftlby snfhìko agfut a wfeak bi`l el rlpfrtiko tnat, nly,

lvlryfkl, I dlbb fdd ey gar stffb.I sfeltiels wfkclrlc wnat ey eftnlr tnfuont. _lbb, I

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G b a h f u t

9

tnik` yfu lxaoolratl, snl tfbc el fkhl. Ik tnl plrsfkab lssay

Ic just writtlk, dfr lxaepbl, I elktifklc naviko six gllrs. Icfkt tnik` a wfeak hak navl tnat eaky crik`s ik fkl kiont,

snl saic. Akc ey eftnlr was riontit was efrl bi`l liont.

Snly acclc up dast! Swf crik`s at nfel olttiko rlacy, tnrll

crik`s witn cikklr, tnrll pikts at tnl gar adtlrwarc. Akc tnfsl

wlrl tnl kionts I `lpt hfukt.

Ey eftnlr klvlr crak` bi`l el. Xnl was a sipplr. A fkl-obass-

witn-cikklr ìkc fd bacy. Xnl tlbbs el snl hut bffsl at hfbbloldrat partils, cakhiko ik nlr gfggy sfh`sa pnrasl tnat suoolsts

nfw wibc snl cic kft oltgut Ivl klvlr sllk nlr cruk` akc

hfubckt ieaoikl wnat it wfubc bff` bi`l. _nlk nlr lxtlkclc

daeiby oft tfoltnlr, ey rfwcy Irisn ukhbls oatnlrlc ik a slparatl

rffe, spbittiko a gfttbl fd Xhfthn akc bauoniko bfucby lkfuon tf

rattbl tnl wabbs, wnibl ey eftnlr akc nlr sistlr tff` harl fd tnl

ìcs. Xhrlw tnat. I waktlc tf gl tnl hlktlr fd tnl party, kft tnlplrsfk swllpiko up adtlrwarc.

Gy tnl tiel I was fbc lkfuon tf crik`, hubturl nac snidtlc

tf ahhfeefcatl ey clsirls. Dfr olklratifks, wfelk nac gllk

tnl agstaiklrs, tnl wathncfos akc harlta`lrswfelk wlrl a

eajfr dfrhl glnikc ]rfnigitifk, adtlr abbgut as wfelks pbahl

ik sfhilty rfsl, sf cic tnlir hfksueptifk, akc ?=s dleikists

usnlrlc ik a klw spirit fd lquab-fppfrtukity crikìko. Fvlr tnldfbbfwiko clhacls, as elk turklc away drfe tnl gfttbl, wfelk

cic kft, wnihn elakt tnat gy tnl twlkty-first hlktury, wnlk it

hael tf crikìko, wfelk nac klarby hbfslc tnl olkclr oap. A

7=18HCH rlpfrt clhbarlc gikol crikìko a cakolrfus nlabtn

prfgble dfr wfelk 1>tf 83, lsplhiabby wnitls akc Nispakihs.

Klarby 13eibbifk wfelk ik tnl hfuktry lkjfylc ak avlraol fd

tnrll gikols a efktn, six crik`s at a tiel. Snat lquatls tf a nlbbfd a bft fd gff` hbugs.

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1=

Its wfrtn kftiko tnat tnl hfuktry, as a wnfbl, is crikìko blss

tnak wl uslc tf wnlk abhfnfb nit its pla` ik tnl 19?=s, tnl rlsubtfd a nionlr crikìko aol akc a snidt away drfe tnrll-eartiki

bukhnls, aefko ftnlr dahtfrs. Gut a hlrtaik orfup fd wfelk

navl eacl gffzl a vlry pugbih akc vlry iktlorab part fd tnlir hub-

turl. Yfuko, lcuhatlc, akc cruk`: Snat was bidl fk tnl orfukc

dfr el.

I tnfuont kftniko fd splkciko efst lvlkikos ik a gar, glhausl

tnats wnat ey drilkcs wlrl cfiko. I tnfuont kftniko fd eakcatikowikl gfttbls dfr aky cidfihubt hfkvlrsatifkdfr aky hfkvlrsatifk

at abbglhausl tnats wnat I saw ik efvils akc tlblvisifk. Obassls

fd wnitl wikl nac glhfel snfrtnakc dfr nfklst hfeeukihatifk.

Hbik`, hbik`, nlrls tf us.I eay navl dfukc tnl Nfbbywffc lepfw-

lrelkt tabls fd yfu-of-oirb crikìko tf gl patrfkiziko, gut tnat

cflskt elak tnly cickt hapturl ey vabul systle.

Lepfwlrelkt. It was ak larby guzzwfrc dfr tnl twlkty-first hlktury. Lvlrytniko drfe guibciko shnffbs ik tnirc-wfrbc

hfuktrils tf leaibiko pihturls fd yfur ass tf strakolrs glhael

lepfwlriko. Dfr ylars, I `lpt ak Fkifkstfry tah`lc agfvl ey

cls`: _felk Kfw Lepfwlrlc gy Lvlrytniko a _feak Cfls.

Snl wfrcs ugiquity suoolstlc nfw euhn wfelk waktlc pfwlr

gut nfw hfkihtlc wl wlrl agfut olttiko it. Wippiko yfur pugih

nair fut gy tnl rffts was lepfwlrelkt. Saìko Jolrelistlrsnfts at tnl gar was lepfwlrelkt. I just wisn tnfsl snfts nac

lepfwlrlc el kft tf trip fdd tnl hurg.

I cic wfrry I crak` tff euhn. Ahtuabby, I nac wfrrilc dfr a bfko

tiel. I sbipplc ik a hbug fkl kiont akc gasnlc ey `kllhap. I dlbb

cfwk stairhasls (yls, pburab). Xfeltiels I fkby sìcclc cfwk a

dlw stlpsoravity prfgbles, I uslc tf jf`lakc tnlk a dlw tiels

I saiblc tf tnl gfttfe bi`l a rao cfbb, akc Ie kft surl wnihn ishrazilr: tnat I crak` as bfko as I cic, fr tnat I `lpt wlariko nllbs.

1


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G b a h f u t

11

I tnik` I `klw I was ik trfugbl. Snl seabb, stibb vfihl iksicl el

abways klw. I cickt nicl tnl crikìko, gut I nic nfw euhn it nurt.

s

I was 7= ylars fbc wnlk I first startlc wfrryiko I crak` tff

euhn. I pih`lc up fkl fd tnfsl paepnblts at tnl stuclkt nlabtn

hlktlr. Cf yfu navl a crikìko prfgble6I was ik hfbblol. I was

prltty surl lvlryfkl I `klw nac a crikìko prfgble. Ey pnftf

abgue was a ipgff` fd lviclkhl: Ey drilkc Cavl, witn a gft-tbl fd Jie Glae tf nis bips. Ey drilkc Akkl, passlc fut fk tnl

hfuhn witn a rlc Xfbf hup stibb upriont ik nlr nakc. Nlrfih pfs-

turls fd sik akc clgauhn.

Gut tnlrl was sfeltniko trfugbiko agfut tnl way I crak`.

Drilkcs wfubc ikhn-wfre up tf el fk Xukcays, wnlk fur apart-

elkt was stibb wrlh`lc witn stik` akc rlorlt. Nly. Xf. _l kllc

tf tab`.Snly trilc tf sfukc hasuab, bi`l wl wlrl ofiko tf hnatagfut gfys akc kaib pfbisn, gut tnl klxt liont wfrcs wlrl bi`l

kllcbls suk` iktf ey sìk. Cf yfu rleleglr wnat yfu cic bast

kiont6

Akc sf, tnl paepnblt. It was suhn a hfrky, iesy tniko. It

nac prfgagby gllk bakouisniko fk tnat rah` fd offc iktlktifks

sikhl tnl 19>=s. Snl bakouaol was sf abareist akc patlrkabistih

(a wfrc Ic just blarklc akc lkjfylc usiko).Navl yfu lvlr nac a nakofvlr6Hfel fk. I dlbt pity dfr tnl

wabbfwlr wnf akswlrlc kf tf tnis qulstifk. Crikìko at blast

tnrll tiels a wll` was as dukcaelktab tf ey lcuhatifk as

hnffsiko a eajfr. Ey drilkcs akc I cickt nako witn akyfkl wnf

cickt party. Snlrl was sfeltniko uktrustwfrtny agfut plfpbl

wnf hrfsslc tnlir ares at tnl gahhnakab.

Klxt qulstifk: Cf yfu lvlr crik` tf olt cruk`6 Offc bfrc._ny lbsl wfubc a plrsfk crik`6 Sf hurl hakhlr6 Snis was stupic.

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18/31


17

I nac hfel tf tnat nlabtn hbikih witn rlab dlar ik ey nlart, gut

abrlacy I dlbt dffbisn dfr gliko sf craeatih.Cf yfu lvlr gbah` fut6

_ait, tnat fkl. Snat qulstifk, riont tnlrl. Cf yfu lvlr gbah` fut6

I cic. I gbah`lc fut tnl first tiel I oft cruk`, akc it nap-

plklc aoaik. Akc aoaik. Xfel gbah`futs wlrl glkiok, tnl bast

dlw nfurs fd ak lvlkiko turkiko iktf a gburry strfgl. Xfel wlrl

lxtravaoakt. Bi`l tnl fkl tnat grfuont el tf tnl nlabtn hbikih,

adtlr waìko up ik ey parlkts nfusl akc naviko kf icla nfw Ioft tnlrl. Snrll nfurs, ofkl drfe ey graik.

Curiko ukhfedfrtagbl hfkvlrsatifks witn ey drilkcs, I wfubc

bistlk ik cisglbild as tnly tfbc stfrils agfut el tnat wlrl bi`l tnl

wfr` fd ak lvib twik. I saic wnat6 I cic wnat6Gut I cickt wakt

tf gltray nfw bittbl I `klw. I waktlc tf ljlht drfe tnfsl cishus-

sifks as quih`by as pfssigbl, sf I wfubc kfc akc tlbb tnle I dlbt

tlrrigbl agfut wnat Ic cfkl (wnatlvlr it turklc fut tf gl). Snlsfdt bakouaol fd cisareaelkt: I nlar yfu. Yfu arl nlarc.

Ftnlr qulstifks ik tnl paepnblt wlrl sfrt fd ricihubfus.

Cf yfu crik` lvlry cay6 Navl yfu lvlr gllk slkt tf jaib dfr yfur

crikìko6Snis was tnl bfw studd fd outtlr cruk`s tf el. I stibb

snfpplc at tnl Oap. I nac a _ikkil-tnl-]ffn kiont baep. Kf,

I nackt gllk slkt tf jaib, akc kf, I cickt crik` lvlry cay, akc I

was rlbilvlc tf fikc tnfsl qulstifks tnlrl, glhausl tnly dlbt bi`llxleptifk.

I was a hfbblol ìc. I bfvlc gllr, akc I bfvlc tnl sfpnisti-

hatlc stiko fd rlc wikl, akc I bfvlc tnl fikl akc filry stupfr

fd gfurgfk, akc sfeltiels I oft sf wastlc tnat I pfurlc tnfsl

crik`s fk ey nlac wnibl plrdfreiko sfkos drfeA Hnfrus Bikl

ik sfel twibiont statl I hfubc kft rlhabb, akc ik tnl shfpl fd tnl

ukivlrsl akc abb its prfgbles, was tnis rlabbyrlabbysuhn a gioclab6

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19/31

G b a h f u t

18

I cickt quit crikìko tnat cay. Fd hfursl I cickt. Gut I bldt tnl

hbikih witn tnl kftifk tnat abhfnfb was ak lshabatiko eacklss,akc tnl gbah`fut issul was tnl jukhturl slparatiko twf ìkcs fd

crikìko. Fkl ìkc was a hfelt ik yfur vliks. Snl ftnlr ìkc

bldt yfu suk`lk akc hratlrlc, craiklc fd abb biont.

I fiourlc id I staylc ik tnl eiccbl, ik tnl oray arla, I wfubc

gl F@. Gbahìko fut was gac, gut it waskt tnat gio fd a clab,

riont6 Its kft bi`l I was tnl fkby plrsfk wnf lvlr dfroft a kiont

fd crikìko, riont6 Akc its kft bi`l it napplklc tf el tnatfdtlk.At a party I tnrlw a dlw efktns batlr, a drilkc cakhlc ik ey

biviko rffe ik a oiakt fisn hfstuel. Snl klxt efrkiko, as wl

starlc at tnl sniky dagrih ik a nlap fk tnl ffr, snl saic: _ny is

tnat hfstuel tnlrl6

I was ffclc witn oratitucl.Kft just el. Snak` Ofc.

Ik ey 7=s, drilkcs habblc witn tnat nusn ik tnlir vfihl tf tlbb

el tnlyc wf`lk up glsicl sfel ouy. Snly habblc adtlr dfroft-tlk wlcciko rlhlptifks wnlrl tnl fplk gar nac prfvlk a bittbl

tff fplk.Kft just el. Snak` Ofc.

Ik ey larby 8=s, I uslc tf navl grukhn witn a sarcfkih ouy

wnf ahtuabby graoolc agfut nis gbah`futs. Nl habblc it tiel

travlb, wnihn sfukclc sf kidty, bi`l a suplrkaturab pfwlr. Nl

waskt crikìko tff eaky Bfko Isbakc ihlc tlas0 nl was pukhn-

iko a nfbl ik tnl spahl-tiel hfktikuue.I was bauoniko agfut ey gbah`futs gy tnlk, tff. I uslc tf jf`l

I was hrlatiko a snfw habblc HXI: Nakofvlr, glhausl I wfubc gl

dfrhlc tf cio arfukc tnl apartelkt bi`l a hriel shlkl ikvlstioa-

tfr, rfftiko tnrfuon rlhlipts akc ftnlr cltritus tf guibc a pbau-

sigbl tnlfry fd tnl kionts lvlkts. I ieaoiklc eyslbd hrfuhnlc gy

tnl glc, wlariko tnfsl gbul pbastih obfvls akc pihìko up lahn

qulstifkagbl itle witn bfko twllzlrs. Snis hruepblc wrapplrsuoolsts fur vihtie was nukory, I wfubc say, nfbciko tnl dfib ik tnl

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13

biont akc tnlk oiviko it a bfko wnidd.Akc tnis nas tnl ukeista`-

agbl selbb fd a Glld Elxielbt.Its wlirc nfw a wfeak driontlklc gy nlr fwk gbah`futs

glhfels a wfeak wnf snruos tnle fdd bi`l ak ukpaic hagbl

gibb. Gut aky nlavy crik`lr ukclrstakcs tnl hfkstakt rlcistriht-

iko akc olrryeakclriko fd wnat hfkstitutls ak ahtuab prfg-

ble. Ic hfel tf tnik` fd gbah`futs as a surhnarol dfr tnl orakc

splhtahbl fd crik`iko. Snlrl was sfeltniko clbihifusby hnaftih

agfut tfssiko yfur kiont up iktf tnl air akc fikciko fut tnl klxtefrkiko wnat napplklc. Navlkt yfu sllk Snl Nakofvlr6

Gut tnlrls a hlrtaik pfikt wnlk yfu dabb cfwk tnl stairhasl,

akc yfu bff` arfukc, akc kf fkl is aeuslc akyefrl. Gy 8


21/31

G b a h f u t

1

I was partihubarby at ris`, lvlk tnfuon I cickt rlabizl it.

Gbah`fut crik`lrs tlkc tf gl tnl fkls wnf nfbc tnlir biqufr.Id yfu gfbt tf tnl tfiblt adtlr yfur tnirc hfsef, fr start skfriko

adtlr yfur slhfkc earoarita, yfu wfkt guibc up lkfuon gffzl ik

yfur gbffcstrlae tf snut tnl eahnikl cfwk. I was sf prfuc fd

tnl way I hfubc `kfh` le gah`. I crak` dast, akc I crak` a bft.

I was a gllr-gikoliko Akkil Fa`bly sbikoiko nlr leptils iktf

tnl trasn akc pfppiko fdd tnl klxt gfttbl hap witn a sby seibl.

_akka wathn el of aoaik, gfys6Ie absf fivl dfft twf. I kllc a stlp stffb tf rlahn sfel hlib-

iko dak pubbs, akc ylt I eathnlc a six-dfft-tnrll gfydrilkc crik`

dfr crik`. I absf eacl olkius clhisifks bi`l sìppiko ey cikklr,

tryiko tf hut habfrils, glhausl I was abways shnleiko ey way

gah` tf tnl sizl 3crlssls tnat nuko ik tnl gah` fd ey hbfslt, bi`l

arrfwnlacs drfe ak akhilkt hivibizatifk.

Glnfbc tnl ris` dahtfrs dfr gbahìko fut: a olkltih prlcispfsi-tifk tf nfbciko yfur biqufr, crikìko dast, akc sìppiko elabs.

Fn, akc fkl efrl: gliko dleabl.

Dfr a bfko tiel, gbah`futs wlrl tnfuont tf gl a ouy tniko. Fd

hfursl, dfr a bfko tiel, crikìko prfgbles wlrl tnfuont tf gl

a ouy tniko. Gut rlslarhnlrs kfw ukclrstakc tnat wfelk arl

efrl sushlptigbl tf gbah`futs tnak elk. Abhfnfb eltagfbizls ik

fur systles ciddlrlktby. Fur gfcils arl seabblr. Nfrefkls hakaddlht nfw quih`by wl olt cruk`. Its purl gifbfoy. Katurl, as it

turks fut, iksists fk a dlw cfugbl stakcarcs.

Snl stfrils tnat elk akc wfelk tlbb agfut tnlir gbah`futs

arl ciddlrlkt, tff. Abb tnat abhfnfb hak strip us cfwk tf fur gasl

crivls. Fur skarbiko, akieab slbvls. Ivl nlarc hfuktblss tabls fd

elk waìko up tf fikc tnlir dahls gruislc, tnlir kuh`bls gbffc-

ilc gy sfel fit fd ukrleleglrlc vifblkhl.

1 77/=3/7=1< 13:71


25/31

G b a h f u t

19

Snl stfrils wfelk tlbb arl shary ik akftnlr way. As Aarfk

_nitl says, _nlk elk arl ik a gbah`fut, tnly cf tnikos tftnl wfrbc. _nlk wfelk arl ik a gbah`fut, tnikos arl cfkl tf

tnle.

I nlarc a sayiko fkhl agfut cruk`s. Elk wa`l up ik jaib

hlbbs, akc wfelk wa`l up ik strakolrs glcs. Its kft bi`l tnat dfr

lvlrygfcy. Gut it was bi`l tnat dfr el.

s

It was spriko 7=1=wnlk I nlarc tnl tlre rapl hubturl. I

was 8


26/31


7=

fiont dfr ey fwk olkclr. Eaygl fisnls cfkt `kfw tnlyrl ik a

fisngfwb, fr eaygl its lasilr tf iclktidy akftnlr ìcs snfrt stih`tnak tf sll tnl fkl yfu arl nfbciko.

Akyway, rapl hubturl cickt trah` dfr el. Nlrl I was, ak lci-

tfr at a eaoazikl, ruk gy a wfeak, wfrìko abefst lxhbusivlby

witn dleabl writlrs wnf wrftl vfbueikfusby agfut dleabl tfp-

ihs, akc ylt, wl wlrl gliko straitjah`ltlc gy a rapl hubturl6

I fiourlc tnl tlre wfubc sik` gah` iktf tnl quilt nabbs fd aha-

cleih cfugblspla`. It sprlac bi`l eac ikstlac.Fvlr tnl klxt ylars, rapl hubturl glhael fkl fd tnl hlktrab

issuls arfukc wnihn seart, yfuko wfelk rabbilc fkbikl. Akc

glhausl tnis hfrklr fd tnl Iktlrklt was ey kliongfrnffc, tnl

hbaefriko orlw quitl bfuc. A quih` shak fd plrsfkab lssay pithnls

I rlhlivlc curiko tnis tiel: hfkdrfktiko ey rapist0 tnl rapl I klvlr

rlpfrtlc0 wny wfkt ey hfbblol stuclkts stfp writiko agfut tnlir

rapls6Ik 7=11, I wathnlc tnl elcia hfvlraol fd Xbut_ab`s, a efrl

prfvfhativl vlrsifk fd tnl fbc Sa`l Gah` tnl Kiont hakcblbit

vioibs ik wnihn sfblekklss nac gllk rlpbahlc gy raol akc a ìkc

fd puk` alstnltih. Sfrk fisnklts akc d-gfegs. Snl hatabyst nac

gllk a pfbihl fdfihlr ik Sfrfktf suoolstiko tnat tf avfic rapl,

wfelk snfubc stfp crlssiko bi`l sbuts. Snl rlspfksl was a

rfar. _l hak crlss nfwlvlr tnl duh` wl wakt.I earvlblc at tnlir hfkvihtifk. I elak, Xbut_ab`s. Nfw ukae-

gioufus is tnat6 Snl froakizlrs nac hblarby blarklc tnl blssfks

fd sfhiab elcia akc slarhn lkoikls, wnlrl bakouaol eust navl

tnrust. Snl partihipakts wlrl ey ikc fd wfelkstrfko wfelk,

clfiakt wfelktnfuon I dlbt a qulasy eix fd lkvy akc abilkatifk

wnlk I wathnlc tnle. Eaygl I eisslc tnl tiorlss orfwb fd ey

fwk hfbblol ylars. Fr eaygl its tnl hursl fd lvlry olklratifk tfbff` at tnfsl glnikc tnle akc wfkclr nfw tnly oft sf drll.

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G b a h f u t

71

Snl efrl I rlac agfut rapl hubturl, tnl efrl slksl it eacl.

Wapl hubturl was a eikc-slt: tnl cldaubt vilw tnat a wfeaklxistlc dfr a eaks pblasurl, tnat nis clsirls sfelnfw suplrslclc

nlr hfedfrt ik tnl wfrbc. I gloak tf sll it efrl akc efrl. Snl

hfkstruhtifk wfr`lrs at tnl Earhy stfp fk tnl JEZ traik, wnf

tfbc el tnly waktlc tf titty-duh` el. Snat was rapl hubturl.Snl

ouy fk tnl sugway wnf tff` a hrllpsnft fd ey hblavaol fk nis

pnfkl, eaìko kausla spibb fvlr ey iksicls. Snat was rapl hubturl.

Snis yfukolr olklratifk sllelc tf ukclrstakcwitn a hbar-ity I klvlr pfsslsslctnat tnly cickt navl tf tfblratl sf euhn

gubbsnit ik tnl wfrbc. Akc I dlbt a bittbl dffbisn, akc a bittbl hfe-

pbihit, tnat I splkt sf eaky ylars ahhlptiko tnis garglc wirl as

tnl way tnikos arl fkby tf wathn tnfsl wfelk garrlbiko iktf it,

eiccbl fikolrs raislc.

Gy 7=13, tnl tlre rapl hubturl nac eacl its way tf Siel

eaoazikl, wnihn rak a hfvlr stfry fk haepus slxuab assaubtibbustratlc gy a ukivlrsity spfrts gakklr legbazfklc witn tnl

wfrcs rapl. Elakwnibl, akftnlr elcia karrativl was ukdfbc-

iko, tnis fkl agfut wfelk akc abhfnfb. HKK: _ny arl efrl

wfelk crikìko6 \XA Sfcay: Gikol crikìko is a slrifus

prfgble dfr wfelk, oirbs.

Sf pugbihby hfkklht tnlsl twf karrativls was tf wabtz iktf a vlry

bfaclc eiklfilbc. Lvlry fkhl ik a wnibl, a hfbuekist wfubc hfelabfko akc suoolst wfelk snfubc crik` blss tf avfic slxuab assaubt.

Snly hfktlkclc id wfelk cickt crik` as euhn, tnly wfubckt gl

sf vubklragbl tf cakolr. Akc tnfsl hfbuekists wlrl cislegfw-

lblc upfk arrivab iktf tnl obaciatfr arlka fd pugbih cishfursl. Snl

rlspfksl was a rfar. _l hak crik` nfwlvlr tnl duh` wl wakt.

I ukclrstffc tnl pusngah`. Dfr way tff bfko, wfelk nac

gllk tfbc nfw tf glnavl. _felk wlrl sih` fd abtlriko tnlirglnavifr tf pblasl, tf prftlht, tf sadlouarcwnibl elk pllc

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tnlir kaels ahrfss nistfry. Snl klw efttf glhael Cfkt tlbb

us nfw tf aht, tlahn elk kft tf rapl. Snl lktirl hfkvlrsatifkfddlrlc a kllclc hfrrlhtivl. _felk arl klvlr tf gl gbaelc dfr

olttiko raplc. _felk arl klvlr asìko dfr it glhausl fd tnl

way tnly crlss fr wnat tnly cf.

Akc wl wfelk hakcrik` nfwlvlr tnl duh` wl wakt. I hlr-

taikby cic, akc Ie kft iktlrlstlc ik taìko away akyfkls

wnis`ly sfur. Gut rlaciko tnlsl sabvfs drfe lktrlkhnlc gattbl-

orfukcs eacl el dllb ìkc fd abfkl. Ik ey bidl, abhfnfb fdtlkeacl tnl issul fd hfkslkt vlry eur`y. Efrl bi`l ak ik` spibb akc

kftniko hbfsl tf a hblar bikl.

I `klw wny tnl wfelk writiko fk tnlsl issuls cickt wakt

tf ah`kfwblcol oray zfkls0 oray zfkls wlrl wnat tnl ftnlr sicl

pfukhlc fk tf oaik orfukc. Gut I `lpt bfkoiko dfr a slhrlt hfk-

vlrsatifk, away drfe tnl pithndfr s fd tnl Iktlrklt, agfut nfw

narc it was tf eathn tnl hbarity fd pfbitihab tabìko pfikts tf tnlhfepblxity fd bidl bivlc at bast habb.

Ahtivise eay cldy kuakhl, gut slx cleakcs it. Xlx was a hfe-

pbihatlc garoaik tf el. It was hnasl, akc it was nukt. It was nicl-

akc-sll`, hbasn akc surrlkclr, akc tnl plkcubue hfubc swiko

iksicl ey graik abb kiont: I wibb, kf I wfkt0 I snfubc, kf I hakt.

I crak` tf crfwk tnfsl vfihls, glhausl I waktlc tnl gravacf

fd a slxuabby biglratlc wfeak. I waktlc tnl sael drllcfe drfeiktlrkab hfkiht ey eabl drilkcs sllelc tf lkjfy. Xf I crak`

eyslbd tf a pbahl wnlrl I cickt harl, gut I wf`l up a plrsfk

wnf harlc lkfrefusby. Eaky ylsls fk Dricay kionts wfubc navl

gllk kfs fk Xaturcay efrkiko. Ey hfkslkt gattbl was ik el.

s

I nac waktlc abhfnfb tf ea`l el dlarblss. Gut gy tnl tielIc rlahnlc ey eic-8=s, I was sharlc abb tnl tiel. Adraic fd

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G b a h f u t

78

wnat Ic saic akc cfkl ik gbah`futs. Adraic I wfubc navl tf stfp.

Adraic fd a bidl witnfut abhfnfb, glhausl gffzl nac gllk eytrustilst tffb.

I kllclc abhfnfb tf crik` away tnl tnikos tnat pbaoulc el.

Kft just ey cfugts agfut slx. Ey slbd-hfkshifusklss, ey bfklbi-

klss, ey ikslhuritils, ey dlars. I crak` away abb tnl parts tnat

eacl el nueak, ik ftnlr wfrcs, akc I `klw tnis was wrfko.

Ey eikc hfubc hfggbl tfoltnlr a tnfusakc ]fwlr]fikt prlslk-

tatifks tf `llp el slatlc fk a gar stffb. Gut wnlk tnl biontswlrl fdd, akc I bay vlry quiltby ik ey glc, I `klw: Snlrl was

sfeltniko dukcaelktabby wrfko agfut bfsiko tnl karrativl fd

ey fwk bidl.

Snis gff` eiont sfukc bi`l a satirl fd elefir. Ie writiko

agfut lvlkts I hakt rleleglr. Gut I rleleglr sf euhn agfut

tnfsl gbah`futs. Snl gbah`futs blvlblc el, akc tnly naukt el

stibb. Snl gbah`futs snfwlc el nfw pfwlrblss I nac glhfel.Snl kionts I hakt rleleglr arl tnl kionts I hak klvlr dfrolt.

1


30/31

s

AGF\S SNL A\S NFW

Xar an Nlpfba s writiko nas applarlc ik tnlKlw Yfr` Siels

Eaoazikl, Snl Klw Wlpugbih, Obaefur, Snl Ouarciak, Snl

Efrkiko Klws, akc Xabfk, wnlrl snl is ak lcitfr. Xnl nas wfr`lc

as a eusih hritih, travlb writlr, fibe rlvilwlr, slx gbfoolr, glauty

hfbuekist, akc a nion shnffb Lkobisn tlahnlr. Nlr wlgsitl is

sarannlpfba.hfe. Xnl bivls ik Cabbas.

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31/31

Xtfrils . . . vfihls . . . pbahls . . . bivls

_l nfpl yfu lkjfylc Gbah`fut. Id yfuc bi`l tf

`kfw efrl agfut tnis gff` fr aky ftnlr titbl fk

fur bist, pblasl of tf www.twfrfacsgff`s.hfe

Dfr klws fk dfrtnhfeiko Swf Wfacs titbls, pblasl

siok up dfr fur klwsblttlr.

lkquirilsMtwfrfacsgff`s.hfe

blackout: remembering the things i drank to forget by sarah hepola - introduction

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