billy noble and superhero training camp

8/14/2019 Billy Noble and Superhero Training Camp

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BILLY NOBLE AND SUPERHERO TRAINING CAMP

A novel by

Connie Maugh

Copyright Connie Maugh, 2001

All Rights Reserved.


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BILLY NOBLE AND SUPERHERO TRAINING CAMP by Connie Maugh

CHAPTER ONE The Monster Under the Bed

CHAPTER TWO CASA Summer Camp

CHAPTER THREE Decisions, Decisions

CHAPTER FOUR Sergeant Faycepuntcher

CHAPTER FIVE Sergeant Bonesnapper

CHAPTER SIX Friends

CHAPTER SEVEN CODE OF HONOR

CHAPTER EIGHT Breakthrough

CHAPTER NINE Borts Letter

CHAPTER TEN Ug has the Answer

CHAPTER ELEVEN Lights Out

CHAPTER TWELVE Points

CHAPTER THIRTEEN Time to Prove

CHAPTER FOURTEEN Animal Attacks

CHAPTER FIFTEEN The CHASE

CHAPTER SIXTEEN FlyboysCHAPTER SEVENTEEN The Flotches Botch

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN The Cadets

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CHAPTER ONE

THE MONSTER UNDER THE BED

Billys squad split up for the first time, tending to

the different chores to which they had been assigned.

Kermit was on the opposite side of the hill from the camp

tending to the rhinoceroses, elephants, giraffes, lions andtigers in their stalls (a chore he vehemently opposed,

feeling it was beneath him, which is why he was assigned

it). Taylor was feeding the horses in the barn across the

field from the other animal pens. Ug and Billy were

washing and refueling the supercharged race cars for their

next use, in the giant garage near the entrance gate of the

camp. Bob was doing the same with the fighter jets at the

far end of the camp. Al and Joey helped unload a cafeteria

re-supply truck in the middle of main camp; and Bort had

volunteered to unload another re-supply truck somewhere

farther out, near the warehouses.Who is Billy? Why does he have a squad? At which

camp, you ask? My apologies. Allow me to start from the

beginning, then, so we are on the same page.

People (and calendars) say that summer in America

begins every year on June 21st, but for Billy Noble and

millions of children like him, summer actually begins a

little earlier, sometime in May or early June, on the last

day of school. That too is where our story beginsin the

minutes before a certain summer commenced, in a year thatwould change the life of Billy Noble and the world forever.

Billy was riding on the school bus for the last time

yes!at least for a couple more months. The younger kids

were hanging out of the windows, screaming their heads off

singing, Schools out, Schools out, teacher let the bulls

out! but Billy was hardly paying attention. He wore a

smile from ear to ear, thinking about the great surprise he

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had for his mom. That was all he could think about. In

only two more stops, hed be home to spring it on her.

Other kids on the bus were talking in small groups

under the singing: discussing where theyd be going this

summer on vacation. For some, it was Six Flags; for

others, Disneyland. Still others talked about Europe,

which required a serious plane ride. Flying over the

ocean! Billy couldnt even imagine. The air on the bus

was electric. Everyone was bursting with excitement and

the endless possibilities this summer would bring. None

more than Billy Noble.

Finally, they arrived at his stop. He got off the

bus, saying his goodbyes to some classmates and to the bus

driver, Henry.

Billy crossed the street in front of the bus and when

he touched the other curb, the bus lurched forward. A gust

of wind pulled up the tuft of hair on the very top of

Billys head, a tuft that never stayed down for very long.Billy licked his hand and mashed it down himself.

Force of habit, his mom would have said. It was

something he did without even thinking about, every time

the wind blew, because it was always happening to him.

Thats why some of the kids at school gave him the nickname

he hated, a name he was anxious to make them forget. They

called him The Rooster.

Billys book bag was slung over his neck crossways but

felt light as a feather. There was hardly anything in ita

few pencils and markers from his desk, and his report card.

Normally, Billy would be taking his good old timegetting home with a report card, not that his mom seemed to

care one way or the other. The report card would usually

make the book bag feel heavier that it actually was. The

report card was usually full of Cs and Bs, Billys best

work.

In fact, Billy could only remember one time that he

got an A in the history of his life. It was in gym class,

when the gym teacher died. The teacher didnt die in the

actual class, mind you. He was showing the students how to

climb the rope, when, half-way up the rope, the teacher had

a heart attack, dropped out of the sky and fell to the matlike a sack of potatoes, with a series of quick, flat

thuds. (Less noisily, though, than Billy might have

otherwise imagined.) Billy had the good sense to keep the

other kids away and sent the classs fastest runner to get

the principal. The teacher was rushed to the hospital and

ended up being okay. He had a mild heart attack, from

which he recovered almost immediately, and, miraculously,

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no broken bones. The teacher was discharged a day later,

and given a clean bill of health. He thanked the hospital

staff for their excellent care, walked out the front door

of the hospital and got hit by a bus because he didnt look

both ways before crossing. He died instantly. (And, now,

every time Billy saw a city bus, it was a cruel mass-

transitory reminder to look both ways before crossing.)

The principal didnt want anyone to be too distraught over

the poor teachers passing, so he gave everyone an A in gym

that quarter.

On report card day, usually, Billys mom would glance

at the thing, sign the back of it and hand it back saying,

My boythe very average C student, which Billy never

fullyunderstood, but it never made him feel like doing

cartwheels either.

Not this time! Billys mom had made him a promise at

the beginning of the quarter, and Billy had every intention

of holding her to it. The promise was this: if Billy gotall As on his fourth quarter report card (which everyone,

including Billy, sincerely doubted), his mom would let him

go to Camp Canoe for two whole weeks! Bow and arrow

practice, swimming (Billy didnt know how to swim yet but

looked forward to learning. It would be a critical part of

his making the Olympic Swim Team, which he foresaw in his

future), canoe races, fort building, tracking wild animals!

It was too much. Everything Billy always wanted to do but

never got the chance to try.

He held up his end of the bargain and on that last day

of schoolthat first afternoon of summerhe went fromwalking to racing home to collect. The wind blew loose his

rooster tail hair again but Billy was running too fast to

bother. No kids could see it now, and anyway, some things

were more important than dumb nicknames.

Billys front door swung open. Billy flung himself

through the doorway as if a gust of wind had pushed him

from behind. He slammed the door behind him, dashing

toward the kitchen.

Easy mister! yelled his mom from the kitchen. What

are ya tryin to do, break it?

Mom mom guess what, panted Billy, trying to catchhis breath.

Billys mom was sitting at the kitchen table across

from her friend Becky.

Hey there sport, Becky said.

Hi breathed Billy, nodding his head.

Whats that? Billys mom answered. You broke the

door?

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Billy glanced quickly at the front door. It was fine.

No, he said. Look.

Billy was trying to hand his mom the report card from

his bag.

Billys mom glanced at the card. Thats nice, she

said.

NICE? Thought Billy.

No LOOK! Billy said.

Billys mom looked at it again. Becky peeked over her

shoulder this time.

Wow, said Becky, sounding like she meant it.

Its nice honey. Now leave me and Becky to talk.

Mom, its straight As, said Billy, and they were

straight too. His teacher drew them straight as an arrow

for him.

Great kid. Good for you, his mom said.

She clearly wasnt getting the point.

Mom, you said if I get all As that I could go toCamp Canoe, replied Billy. It starts next week, he

reminded her.

There Billy stood, in all his glory. Two whole months

of doing homework before going out to playevery day!two

months of going over the test answers he missed with the

correct ones, just like his teacher showed him, skipping

his favorite TV shows to study even harder the night before

a test, sometimes even the night before that. Can you

believe it? It actually paid off! In spades, his friend

Randy would say.

Billy felt like an actor waiting to receive an AcademyAward, when the TV screen shows him smiling in his seat,

where the spotlight is on him. It felt like a swarm of

bees was buzzing around his heart. His throat tightened

here at the moment of truth. It felt like his mom was

taking forever; it was happening in slow motion.

She blinked, and handed the report card back to him.

Sorry kid, she replied. No money for fancy vacations

this year.

Billy was stunned. This couldnt be happening.

Not in the cards this year, his mom said.

Billy wanted so bad to say, What? But you PROMISED;but he couldnt say it. Billy felt a hard lump form at the

bottom of his throat that wouldnt let him say anything.

His eyes started to sting and it hurt too much to swallow.

Billy made a dash for his bedroom, dropping his book

bag as he ran. He knew as soon as he blinked, tears would

be running down his face. He ran so fast he didnt hear

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his mom say to Becky, Kid thinks Im made of money.

What are ya gonna do?

What can you do? replied Becky.

Billy slammed his bedroom door. He dove onto his bed

and lay there with his face buried in his pillow. He lay

like that for a long time without moving. He was so mad!

And hurt, and disappointed. He wanted to march right back

out to the kitchen and let his mom really have it.

But Billy was also smarter than that. He knew that

way would only take his situation from bad to worse.

He finally flopped over and sat up on his bed, already

planning the delicate sales strategy hed have to use on

his mom. He just hadto get to Camp Canoe.

Billy had to wait though, until Becky left. Trying to

talk sense into his mom in front of Becky was Big Mistake

#1. Becky would just sit there saying, Aw, poor kid,over and over, and snickering to his mom and saying, Cmon

Judy, cut the kid some slack, let him go, which would get

him NOWHERE, and make it worse on him later.

His mom would be on the rampage later screaming, How

dare you embarrass me in front of company? Make people

think Im a bad mother! Billy could hear his mom now.

Embarrass me! Embarrass my friend. People start saying I

didnt teach you any manners!

Billy tried distracting himself by reading a library

book hed checked out on Jeff Gordon, his favorite racecar

driver, but even Jeffs four championships couldnt takehis mind off the problem at hand.

Finally, after what seemed like all afternoon, Billy

heard Becky leaving.

Billys mom knocked on his bedroom door then peeked

her head in.

Billy, Becky asked me to go to dinner with her

tonight. Ill be back late, and I want you in bed and

asleep when I get home. You hear me?

Billy nodded. He still didnt have the right words

yet.

Theres leftover liver and onions in the fridge, shesaid. You can put it in the microwave for two minutes and

itll be ready.

Mom? asked Billy.

I dont have time now. Im running late as it is,

she said, without listening to what he was going to say.

Be good, she said. She closed the door behind her.

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Billy didnt see his mom again that night. She forgot

to say goodbye when she left.

Uninspired as he was by the idea of eating liver twice

in the same weekin the same yearfor that matterBilly

skipped leftovers and made himself some peanut butter

crackers as a snack instead.

Billy sat in front of the TV and washed down the

crackers with a glass of milk and, just his luck, there

wasnt a thing to watch. Even Scooby Doo wasnt dooing it

for him on this lousy evening. He decided to turn in

early, exhausted by his overwhelming defeat.

He fought off a few Cavity Creeps with his toothbrush

and prepared to hit the sack.

Billy had two interesting ways of going to bed. In

the first one, his mom would lead him by the hand (which

was rare) and escort him right into bed. Billy would

always let his mom lead a little, though, because if the

monster that lived under his bed had an appetite for freshlegs, hed get his moms legs first and Billy could run for

help. Otherwise, if the monster got Billys legs first,

they would be like a snack to him and probably just make

the monster hungrier. The second way, the way he usually

went to bed, was what he did on this night.

Billy got a running start from the bathroom and took a

giant leap. He looked like Michael Jordan leaving from the

foul line for a slam-dunk. One arm was in the air, like

Jordan, even though Billy didnt have a basketball or

anything else in his hand, one leg led the other. He

looked like a flying letter K.Billy landed in the middle of the bed, and took his

time getting under the covers, now that he was safe.

Sometime in the night, Billy was awakened by a noise.

He was groggy, still half-asleep, and thought it was

probably his mom getting in. But as he woke, he listened

close, and he didnt hear any noise coming from her room or

the kitchen or the bathroom.

He heard it again. It was a tiny tapping, coming from

underneath his bed.

Billy froze, too terrified to move. His muscles felt

sticky like drying glue. He kept his eyes closed andconcentrated real hard on listening.

Maybe it was a scratching. Maybe it was a monster

surelyit was a monster!trying to claw its way through the

floorboards. It could have been a ripping soundthe

monster was making his way through the carpet!then a

wooden creaking sound. Billys heart felt like ice water

was being pumped through it; it took his breath away.

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He waited, still frozen. Thena BANG!

Billy tried to yell out but he couldnt catch his

breath.

Silence followed. Billy knewthere was a monster

under his bed. His mom always said he was crazy, but here

was proof if he ever needed it.

With still no sign of his mom, Billy decided he needed

to get out of there, pronto.

He couldnt do it slowly. If he got out of bed one

leg at a time, he knewthe monster would grab his leg and

pull him under. Then hed be finished. No Camp Canoe, no

Billy.

No, what Billy needed was a quick getaway. He

couldnt hesitate.

Billy scrambled to his feet atop his bed, ran the

length of the mattress, jumped off the end, and landed by

the door.

He yanked on the door and the door was stuck. Thiswould be the end of him, he was sure. Billy didnt dare

turn around. Monsters, he knew, typically didnt attack

from behind. They wanted you to see them to feel the full

force of their terror; but they were also not big on

waiting around for you to face them either. This is all

standard monster knowledge, of course.

Billy yanked one more time on the door. It swung open

and he dashed out of the room.

He ran straight for his moms room. He didnt even

knock.

His mom wasnt home yet; he just knew it. The bed wasmade and Billy didnt smell smoke like he usually did when

his mom came back from dinner with Becky.

Billy thought for a moment. Who knew when shed get

home? That monster was in his room now. Hed have to do

something about it right now. And without Camp Canoe to

look forward to (Billy hadnt totally given up on his mom

yet, but the first few hours were the most critical, he

knew, and he regretfully faced the fact that he probably

didnt get to her in time), Billy figured what the heck.

He turned back and soldiered on toward his bedroom.

Billy made one stop on the way. He grabbed aflashlight from the drawer in the kitchen.

His bedroom door was still open. Billy crept quietly

along the hallway to his doorway. He carefully reached his

hand around the corner, without even knowing what was in

there! The monster could be just standingthere waiting

for Billy so the monster could rip his arm right off and

eat it in front of him! What was he thinking?

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He flipped on his bedroom light switch. Billy quickly

drew his hand back to safety; and he stood with his back

against the wall as light shot out of his doorway and stuck

to the wall in front of him.

Billy got on his hands and knees. He turned on the

flashlight and peeked in with his flashlight in the

doorway. He was looking underneath his bed, trying to

flush out the monster, maybe scare it over to the closet

where he could barricade it.

He spotted something under the bed all right, but it

wasnt a monster. It looked like nothing more than a piece

of rolled up paper.

Billy crawled across the floor on his elbows and knees

with the flashlight, like a soldier under a barbed-wire

fence, and under his bed to investigate.

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CHAPTER TWO

CASA SUMMER CAMP

Billy flashed his light on the paper. It was tacked

to the floor.It read:

To: Master William Noble

From: CASA

Dear Master Noble,

You have been chosen and are hereby cordially

invited to attend try-outs for admission to the Extra

Exclusive, Powerfully Prestigious, Excitingly

Elaborate, and Super Secret CASA Summer Camp.

Please report immediately for registration andorientation.

Cordially,

The Staff of CASA

But what was CASA? Hed never heard of anything by

that name. If it were an Indian name, something like Camp

Canoe, he wouldnt have known. Billy knew Indian names

like Cherokee, Apache, and Miami, but no CASA. Also, Billy

realized, this wasnt some sick joke by his mom. It wasnot her handwriting on the note.

Billy had to get rid of the note before his mom found

it, whatever it was. He pulled out the tack holding the

note and a square of carpetof his floor!disappeared.

Actually, it swung down in front of him. It was a trap

door!

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Billy watched the paper float back and forth and down

lazily, like a feather, to where? Billy had no idea. His

whole house was only one floor, with no basement and no

cellar. Or was there?

Billy flashed his light down the hole in his room.

Through the hole he saw a wooden staircase. At the bottom

lay Billys formal invitation to CASA.

Billy scampered from underneath the bed and quickly

changed out of his pajamas into jeans, his Jeff Gordon tee

shirt, and sneakers. He shut his bedroom light off, closed

his door (in case his mom came home while he was

investigating) and crawled back underneath the bed. The

hole and wooden staircase were still there. This was no

dream.

The wooden steps creaked under Billys feet. His

flashlight pointed the way down a narrow drafty cold stone

hallway. At the end of the hallway, Billy saw a thin

rectangle of brilliant white light frame a giant dark door.Was this the monsters own home? Billy walked on, more

curious than afraid, to the end of the long hallway to find

out.

Billy had to stretch to reach the giant iron circle of

a door handle that he lifted and pushed. The door was so

heavy, it felt like people were on the other side of it

pushing back, trying to keep Billy out. Billy put his

shoulder into it and pushed with his whole body. It

finally started to move and the brilliant light in the room

immediately blinded Billy. His eyes finally adjusted to

it, and he saw just what a room it was!The room, which reminded Billy a tiny bit of his

school cafeteria, stretched away as far as the eye could

see. Billy would have believed he was standing outside in

front of ten football fields if it wasnt for the ceramic

tile under his feet and the high ceiling over his head.

In the middle of the room were the long thin cafeteria

tablesdozens, maybe hundreds of themwith the bench seats

attached. Those tables made two parallel lines that ran

the length of the giant hall, starting right in front of

where Billy stood and continuing until Billy could see no

further. From above, they looked like the double-yellowlines in the middle of a road. Children Billys age were

seated at the tables. The children were holding three-ring

binders, flipping through them from back to front and side

to side. Almost everyone had their head buried in the

binders, and those that didnt were laughing and shouting

and pointing out particular things in their binder to the

other children around them.

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Billy listened intently, but couldnt make out

anything the boys and girls were saying.

Billy looked around, and up, in wonderment and noticed

that on the outsides of the table rows, giant booths were

set up, each booth manned by a man and a woman. Above each

booth hung the flag of a different country. The closest

one to Billy, to his left, was the American flag. Next to

that was the Maple leaf flag of Canada. Billy didnt

recognize any other, but it looked like there was a flag

(and a booth) for every country in the world.

Hanging under each of the two flags he knew, was a

sign that read:

REGISTER HERE.

Billy noticed that each booth had a double-file line

of kids in front of it. Each man and each woman behind the

booth held a clipboard, checking off names, and handed

binders to each of the children.The American booths line had dwindled to a trickle of

unregistered children, and Billy walked up to the counter

to figure out what he needed to do.

American? the woman finally asked Billy.

He nodded.

Name please?

Billy Noble, said Billy.

The woman smiled at him and flipped through a few

pages on her clipboard.

Ah, here you are Billy. She checked off his name,

turned around and gathered some things from a table behindher, and handed them to Billy.

This is your orientation packet, Billy. It is an

introduction to everything were doing here this summer.

Billy had a dozen questions he wanted to ask, but he

didnt want to look lost or confused (which he was), so he

didnt ask them.

Theyll be making an announcement shortly, Billy,

the nice woman continued, as if she was already answering

his first question, So grab a seat at one of the tables.

Sit tight and look through your packet. If you have any

questions after the announcement, you can come back up andask me.

Thank you, said Billy. He felt a little better now.

Oh, by the way, the woman added, try to sit at one

of the tables near the American or Canadian flags. They

make the announcement in every language, and youll want to

be close to where theyre broadcasting in English. Okay?

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Billy nodded and smiled politely, still too

overwhelmed to make decent conversation.

Beg pardon, said a girls voice in a British accent

from behind Billy.

Billy turned, expecting to hear more from the nice

woman, but it wasnt her. She was busy checking off more

names at the booth. Billy looked to his side. Standing

next to him was a cute blonde girl in pigtails, but she

wasnt looking at Billy either. Her face pointed in his

direction, but her eyes were looking away, maybe searching

for someone at a distance.

Pardon, she said again.

Billy looked around and realized he was the only

person within twenty feet of the girl.

Me? asked Billy.

Yes, you, said the girl. Could you please help me

to a seat?

Uhsure, answered Billy. Whats your name?Agnes. Agnes Clentch.

Im Billy, he replied, and couldnt figure out why

she still wasnt looking at him.

Give me your arm, said Agnes.

Billy stuck out his hand and Agnes fumbled for it,

felt his wrist, his elbow, and locked her arm through his.

They looked like the boy and girl statue that stands on top

of wedding cakes.

Im blind, she said. In case you didnt notice.

Oh, said Billy. Oh, I see.

He cringed right after he said it, embarrassed,uncomfortable. His senses were now on high alert.

Agnes giggled. Thats a good one, she said,

giggling again. I hope you can, or neither one of us

might find a seat, shall we?

Billy looked at Agnes with a mixture of shock and

respect. How could she joke about something like this!

Billy nodded. Then, of course, he realized Agnes couldnt

see him nod, and agreed, I guess so.

Tell me whats going on, said Agnes. Im dying to

find out.

Billy told her about the flags and the kids at thelong lunch tables, and now, he noticed, almost all the

seats were taken.

Billy took a long look around. He noticed what he

hadnt before. There were kids of all shapes, sizes, and

ethnicities, in all manner of clothing: lederhosen (the

corduroy shorts and suspenders combo of Germany), long one-

piece robes, turbans, girls in veils, and kimonos.

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There too were children seated next to the tables in

wheelchairs, in shiny silver leg braces and crutches.

There were kids with only one leg or one arm, and deaf

children talking back and forth to each other with their

hands, in sign language.

Billy searched the tables. He found two open seats.

As he approached, he saw two people he recognized:

Austin Westlake, the star pitcher of the Devils, Billys

little league baseball archrivals, and Cody Serpenski, the

linebacker-captain of Billys school football team. Austin

was busy poking a kid in leg braces with the poor kids own

metal crutch. Cody, who they called Snake, dangled a

binder above a kid in a wheelchair, just out of the kids

grasp, as the kid lunged for it. These two guys were

Trouble Incorporated.

Billy knew Austin firsthand, having been shaken down

for lunch money, or noogies, or wedgies, on more than one

occasion. Austin, from his perch on the pitchers mound,led Billys league in hit batsmen. His trademark was a

fastball to the ribs. Billy received two or three of those

heaters himself. As for CodyCody was so mean even his own

parents called him Snake.

Billy searched frantically for somewhere else to sit,

but he found nothing. He approached the dastardly duo

cautiously. (He would have tiptoed past them if he thought

it would have helped.) Maybe they wouldnt see him.

Austin and Cody noticed, all right, and stopped in

mid-poke.

Rooster Noble! they chimed together.Billy winced, still arm in arm with Agnes.

Instinctively, Billy mashed down his rooster hair with his

free hand.

Is that your giiiirrrrrlllllfriend, Rooster?

Billy didnt make eye contact with them (when you made

eye contact, one of them would always say, What are you

lookin at? Right before they pummeled you); but Billy

didnt look away either.

No shes not my girlfriend Austin, said Billy, as

safe as he could. Billy helped Agnes onto the bench seat

and the two troublemakers realized that Agnes was blind.Of course shes your girlfriend. Only a blind girl

would go out with you.

Hey blind girl, you know youre goin out with a

cockadoodle Rooster?

Austin and Cody elbowed each other, laughing,

obviously pleased with themselves.

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Yeah, said Cody. You should be thankful youre

blind. This broke them up even further.

I am grateful. That way I dont have to look at you

two jerks, said Agnes.

For once in their young cruel lives, Trouble #1 and

Trouble #2 had nothing to say. Agnes had accomplished in

one deft retort something that had, to this point, eluded

parents and educators across the state. She had shut them

up.

Billy almost let go a sharp chuckle and he was glad he

fought it back. Laughing at Austin and Cody was unheard

of, at least by people who wanted to live.

Billy picked up his binder to hide his face, just in

case he cracked a smile. Agnes had already begun reading

by rubbing her fingers over the raised dots. Agnes binder

was in Braille.

Billys cover read:

The CASA Summer Camp

What was CASA? Billy wondered. Was it an Indian

name? Was this going to be like Camp Canoe? Could

anythingbe as good as Camp Canoe?

Billy got his answer as soon as he opened his binder.

As good as Camp Canoe? No way Bub. This was way better.

In fact, this was the greatest thing Billy could ever dream

of (and in fact, he had dreamt of this more than a few

times). Billys heart was doing somersaults inside his

chest.On the first glossy page inside the binder, Billy

learned what CASA stood for. It was spelled out for him on

the page:

The

Crimefighters And Superheroes Academy

Summer Camp

Could this be what Billy thought it was?

Billy was too excited to read. He frantically flipped

the pages in his binder, back to front, front to back,

almost ripping them from the rings.

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The pages were sectioned off in four or five blocks,

one on top of the next. Billy focused on the pictures next

to the captions (a paragraph or two each describing the

camps activities). Children were flying!!!!! Children

were using X-Ray vision glasses, casting webs, piloting

fighter jets, in high-speed pursuit of criminals in

supercharged race cars, fighting off mind control, duking

it out five-on-one against surly-looking henchmen, swimming

lead with a sea of animals in attack formation, even

deflecting bullets! It had them all!

Billy flipped back to the first page, ready to read

now. He was not only going to read it, he was going to

soak it in through his very pores, when the announcement

piped through the loudspeaker overhead. The walls became a

giant wrap-around television screen, and a tall older man

was seen walking up to a microphone at a podium on a stage.

Children of the world, welcome, said the man at the

podium.Welcome to the Crimefighters and Superheroes

Academys Summer Training Camp!

The place erupted. Children were screaming, cheering,

clapping as loud as their hands would let them, stomping

their feet, banging on the tables. The announcer waited a

long time for the cheering and noise to die down. Then he

continued.

Congratulations on passing your first test of

Crimefighters School, going after the monster under your

bed.

My name is Doctor Ligonier Boscov. I am the Dean ofthe Academy. The reason you are here today is because you

have lived your life according to the Crimefighters and

Superheroes Code of Honor, without even knowing what that

code is, or that it exists at all.

You have been chosen for your intelligence, or your

physical prowess, or your mystery-solving skills, or

because you try harder than anyone else. You have been

brought here for many reasons, but you are here for one

purpose.

The world is more dangerous than ever. Our

superheroes are busier than ever fighting crime and doingbattle against the forces of evil. They need your help.

They have created The Crimefighters and Superheroes

Academy to train people like you, for just that purpose.

This is the first time in the history of the world a task

of this magnitude has been undertaken. You are the very

first class.

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You are in the Academys Summer Training Camp. A

training camp has been created for each age group, and the

other locations are scattered, each as secret as this one,

all over the world.

You will be introduced to the rigors and demands you

will face as an Academy Cadet. In the next four weeks, you

will determine if this is something you will want to do,

because this job is for life.

Additionally, we will be determining foryou whether

or not you have what it takes to make it through the

Academy, and onto a life of fighting crime in all its forms.

Only the very best of you will qualify for an

appointment to the Academy, which will begin training

cadets this fall.

Now, for those of you who think these next four weeks

will be all fun and games, I assure you they will not.

Summer training camp is designed to test your

resolve, your dedication. It is a series of physical andmental challenges. There are daily calisthenics and

physical training, as well as long hours of classroom and

laboratory study. Homework is given in every class every

day and is due the very next day.

If you have breezed through the binder without

reading the captions, I will inform you that there will be

no flying, no X-Ray vision training, no deflecting bullets,

or anything else like that in the next four weeks. Those

classes are taught only at the Academy, not at the Summer

Training Camp.

Those of you not interested in working harder thanyou ever have before, there are exits in the back of this

room. Leave your binders on the tables, you wont need

them back in your ordinary lives, and I thank you for your

time. Please leave now.

For a second, Billy wondered how Camp Canoe would

match up to this. It only took a second for him to realize

this is where he wanted to be, flying or no flying.

Amazingly, about half the kids got up and headed for

the two back exits.

Austin looked at Cody and said, Cmon Snake. No

flying or deflecting bullets? Lets get out of here. Wecan have more fun at a basketball camp than this stupid

kids stuff. Who ever heard of going to school in the

summer because they want to?

(Of course, Cody had been to summer school last year

because he hadto, so he would be eligible for football.)

Cody agreed and they got up from the table.

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Billy couldnt believe it, but he was glad and

relieved too. He kept his head down, hoping Austin and

Cody would blow right past him on their way out.

They stopped dead square in front of him.

Later, chumps, said Austin.

Yeah, Ill go keep your mom company, now that your

dads not around anymore, said Snake.

They started to walk away and Billy mumbled, You wish

Cody.

The Trouble-Two stopped dead in their tracks and

turned around.

What did you say Rooster?

What was Billy thinking? He was a dead man now. It

would take years of Academy training before hed learn how

to fight off these two galoots.

Billy kept his head down.

Im talking to you Rooster, spat Snake.

He said you wish, you jerk, said Agnes. Whats thematter, are you deaf?

Both boys fumed with barely-controlled fury.

You got her for protection, Rooster?

Afraid to fight your own battles, punk Rooster?

This situation was getting out of control.

At that moment, one of the adults approached Austin

and Cody.

Leave if youre leaving, boys. Youll see your

friends in a couple of weeks, the man said, smiling,

having no idea what he walked into, or saved Billy from.

Cody leaned in quickly before he left and whispered,Youre a dead man, Noble. Well be seein you soon, punk.

Finally, trouble left.

It took a few minutes for the hall to clear out, which

was okay with Billy, because it took that long for his

heart to leave his throat and find its way back down into

his chest, and then it needed time to stop hammering

against his ribs.

Billy was ashamed of himself but glad Agnes couldnt

see him right now, and how rattled he looked. He was still

so nervous he was almost shaking.

You really held your ground with those two, saidAgnes. You must be a real tough guy yourself, or maybe

you know karate or something.

Billy wanted to tell Agnes he barely knew how to spell

karate, let alone do it. He didnt think Agnes was being

sarcastic, or insulting him. It didnt seem to be her

nature. He just didnt know what she meant by any of it.

Doctor Boscov stepped back up to the podium.

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Congratulations to those of you who stayed. Youve

passed your second test. We like to root out the quitters

and slackers and what we call the disaffected youth right

away, and it is hard to tell who they are just from test

scores or sports scores.

My last announcement was a trick, to test you.

Let me say first, that those who left were sprayed on

the way out with a mist that will make them forget

everything they saw and heard, starting with the invitation

under their bed. And if you wash out, youll forget about

this place too.

Now, back to what I was saying beforeyou will

practice: swimming in attack formations, X-Ray vision,

deflecting bullets, and yes, even flying!

The giant hall burst into applause and cheering and

screaming that turned into a wild roar.

After the cheering died down again, Doctor Boscov

wished a final good luck to everyone and told them to opentheir binders to the back page where theyd find a letter

and a number, (Billys was J-1260), the number of the cabin

they would be living in for the next few weeks.

Agnes number was T-300, so Billy helped her find

another person going to T-300 and said his goodbyes to

Agnes, as her cabin was in the opposite direction of his

own.

Billy walked out the front door by himself, and tried

to follow the signs posted outside the giant hall, and

follow the map in his binder. He walked along an ordinary

summer camp road (if any summer camp were ordinary) nearthe woods, but it was dusk and getting harder to see

anything. To Billy, the wooded path before him looked like

the color was draining out of the world, becoming black and

gray.

Billy approached another signpost at the boundary of

the main square. He turned right like the painted wooden

arrow sign told him (the one labeled J-1260), toward his

new home.

I better hurry, thought Billy, before it gets too

dark, and I get lost in the woods.

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CHAPTER THREE

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

Then, Billy remembered something extremely important.

Billy had been so caught up in the moment he forgot

one very important thing, or rather, one very importantperson. As soon as he started into the woods, that person

popped in his head like a firecracker: his mother.

Billys mom would be home from dinner with Becky any

minute. She might even be there now. Hed have to get

back and check in at least, to tell his mom what was going

on, and how he would spend his next four weeks.

About fifteen minutes of light remained before the sun

would slip below the horizon for the night. Billy had to

hurry.

He jogged back to the closest building. He tried the

doors. They were locked. He peered in, looking forsomeone to help him. It was getting darker.

He rushed back to the giant hall, holding his binder

and flashlight close, the only building he suspected would

still have people in it.

Billy went into the great hall through the same door

hed exited before. The lights were still on.

Hello? sang Billy. He waited. No answer.

Hel-lo? Just his echo, then silence.

If Billy didnt get back, his mom would be furious.

Hed never be able to do anythingever again. Thats how

she wasfor no reason, sometimes, shed just put her footdown and her word became law, just like that. Billy, for

sure, would not be able to enjoy campeven superhero camp!

without letting his mom know where he was.

He walked through the great hall toward the back

exits, the same doors Austin Westlake and Cody Serpenski

passed through a short while ago.

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Then Billy remembered the consequences. Doctor Boscov

said that anyone passing through those doors would forget

this camp, and superhero training, even existed.

The choice was tearing Billy apart: stay, and risk the

worst punishment ever by his mom, or leave, and forget

about the greatest place he had ever been, and give away

his chance to become a real live superhero, saving the

world, flying, all of it.

Billy squeezed his eyes shut tight. This was the

biggest decision of his life. His conclusion: he could

not, no matter how much Camp Canoe was becoming an unlikely

possibility, no matter how hard he worked for straight As,

no matter how many times his mom broke promises to him, he

couldnt do the same to her. (Remember, Billy promised to

be in bed and asleep when she got home.)

Right is right, Billy always said, even though

sometimes right didnt always work out for him like he had

hoped.Billy opened his eyes, grabbed the door handle of the

back exit door and pulled. He was saying goodbye to

everything he had worked for, everything he had ever

dreamedof! But right is right.

What he saw when he opened the door scared him half to

death. Behind the door was a solid brick wall.

Maybe it was magic. I see, thought Billy. It

looks like a brick wall, but you walk through it and it

takes you back to the underground hallway to your bedroom.

What a neat trick!

Billy pressed against the wall with his fingertips andthe wall did not move. Nor did his hand disappear through

it.

Oh, I see, you probably have to walk through itthen

you disappear, Billy thought.

So he stepped right into the wall and smacked his head

and fell backwards, to the cool tile floor.

OW! he yelled. This wall was for real.

Billy rubbed his forehead and tried pushing the bricks

individually, hoping a secret lever would pop out, or the

whole wall would spin about its middle. None of that

happened.Billy ran to the other rear exit door and found

another, identical, brick wall. He tried all the same

tricks on it (except trying to walk through it again.

Billy was determined to get back to his mother, but he

wasnt stupid). Nothing worked. The brick walls blocked

his exits, and that was that.

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Billy started to rationalize. (Rationalize means

you start to convince yourself (or others) that what youre

doing, while you know its technically wrong, is okay. And

you begin to use words like technically.)

He got straight As. His mom promised that ifhe got

straight As, he could go to summer camp. His mom said

that the reason he couldnt go to summer camp was that she

couldnt afford it, not because she didnt want him to go,

or because he didnt deserve to go.

Now, he was at camp and it was free. (Certainlyhis

mom could afford FREE.) He hadtriedto leave, not once,

but twice! What else could you ask of the poor kid?

This bit of lawyering in Billys head made him feel

better. He exited the giant hall through the front door,

and found himself back in the courtyard of camp buildings.

Everything outside was colored dirty yellow. The

courtyard was lit dimly by yellow lights on telephone poles

around the quad, barely enough light to help Billy find hisway to the wooden arrow sign at the end of the road, the

one that pointed toward his cabin.

Beyond the dimly lit courtyard and buildings, it was pitch

black. Night had fallen, and it wasnt getting up.

Looking past the courtyard, into the woods, Billy

could barely make out the giant trees, let alone the path

through them, yet this is where he needed to go.

Billy readjusted the binder in his left hand andwait

a minute, he had totally forgotten about the flashlight in

his pocket. Yes! Let there be light!

Billy turned on his flashlight and pointed his way infront of him, sweeping it in slow movements from side to

side, hosing the path ahead of him with light as he started

into the woods.

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CHAPTER FOUR

SERGEANT FAYCEPUNTCHER

Billy walked about two hundred yards, long enough to

be considered deep in the forest. It was so deep thatthe darkness rushed toward him to fill in every available

square inch the instant hed shine his light somewhere

else, so deep that the blackness surrounded him on all

sides, from the top (there was no moonlight this night),

and even around his feet. Billy had walked this deep into

the forest when the flashlightthe only thing between him

and dangerconked out.

He dove off the path into the weeds for cover. Billy

waited until his eyes adjusted to the darkness. There was

no way hed come this far to be eaten alive by monsters, or

face some other, more gruesome, end.At the far end of the forest, Billy saw a tiny bulb of

light in the distance, enough light to turn his view of the

forest from pitch black to dark purple, and enough light to

give him the courage to continue ahead.

Billy steeled himself against the possibility of

animal attack, of being torn limb from limb, and ran as

fast as he could in the direction of the tiny circle of

light ahead. He was putting trouble on notice. As they

say in the navy: forget the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

The run lasted sixty-five seconds, which is a long

time when youre in a sprint for your life. Billy ranright to the front door of J-1260, his new home.

The light from inside the cabin was large and bright,

the same light that had guided Billy on his way.

Billy knocked on the cabin door and opened it

cautiously. He walked inside.

The cabin was as simple and spare on the inside as it

looked from the outside. Against the two side walls, rows

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of stacked bunk beds lined the floor. The middle of the

room was left open, like a large aisle. Boys Billys age

were settling into each of the bunks.

Billy walked forward until he found an open bunk.

He worked in silence making up the bed as he watched

the instructor (also a boy his age) show the boy next to

him how to make up the bed military-style.

The instructor tested the boys bed by bouncing a

quarter on the end of it. The instructor was wearing green

army pants and a long-sleeve button-down shirt. His head

was covered with a round wide-brim brown hat. The

instructor was speaking in a language Billy couldnt

understand, in harsh tones, perhaps Russian or German.

The instructor noticed Billy. He reached in his

pocket and handed Billy a small soft plastic orb.

The instructor, in harsh broken-English, said,

Wilhelm No-bull?

Billy nodded, looking in the boys eyes. Theinstructor tapped his ear, indicating to Billy that he put

the soft rock in his ear canal.

Suddenly, the boys forceful gibberish piped through

Billys head in, oddly enough, English, with a Texas drawl.

The small device was some kind of universal translator; but

translated by a Texan?

William No-bull, Billy heard translated. I am

Drill Instructor Faycepuntcher. Dont eyeball me bowa!

From this blessit moment forward, you will speak to me only

whenstand at attention when Im addressin you bowa!

Billy straightened up. He threw his arms down andglued them to his sides. His feet were likewise glued

together.

Drill Instructor Faycepuntcher kicked his foot in

between Billys, opening Billys feet slightly.

Heels together, feet at a forty-five degree angle,

bowa. From now on, you will address me as Sergeant, and

you will start and end Everthing you SAY with Sergeant, do

you underSTAND me BOWA?

Sergeant, yes sergeant, said Billy.

I cant HEAR you!

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT! Billy screamed.Hit the rack, boy. Reveille is O-five-thirty. The

senior drill instructor will take you through morning

drills. Is that clear, No-bull?

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT!

Carry on then.

Billy saluted the sergeant and the sergeant reached

out and knocked Billys hand away from his head.

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You dont saLUTE me BOWA. Im a SERgeant. I WORK

for a livin. You gettin this No-bull?

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT! shouted Billy.

Billy scooted under his covers as Sergeant

Faycepuntcher spun away, looking eagerly for someone else

to scream at. Billy didnt dare ask whether or not he

could get word to his mom that he was okay here at camp.

Not in this hostile emotional climate, brother. At least

not until Sergeant Faycepuntcher cooled down a bit, which,

who KNEW when that would be?

What wouldBilly tell his mom? WAS he safe here with

Sergeant Faycepuntcher? This was maybe the only person he

feared more than his mom, and the kid was his own age!

Sleep came fast and furious to Billy that night. When

his head hit the pillow, he realized just how exhausted he

was. Sleep overtook him like a happy feeling, and he was

in dreamland in two seconds.

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CHAPTER FIVE

SERGEANT BONESNAPPER

Billy opened his eyes a minute later, or so it seemed

(in reality, it was six hours later), to the sound ofcymbals crashing. The infernal clanging startled Billy

(and the others) from what had been a deep sleep.

ON YOUR FEET LADIES! sounded a forceful, young boys

voice.

Billy opened his eyes to see a half-pint Billys age

in military fatigues and a drill sergeants wide-brim hat,

stride purposefully down the middle aisle banging a metal

garbage can lid off its can like a cymbal. The can was

almost as big as the new drill sergeant. It was a wonder

the kid could even hold the thing, let alone swing it

around in his one-man marching band.GOOD MORNING MY BEAUTIFUL BABIES! said the little

tyrant.

The tyrant then flung the can and lid down the aisle

and they skidded to a stop against the far wall with a

final CRASH!

EVERYONE SLEPT OKAY, I HOPE!

The tyrant was smiling generously, which made everyone

nervous.

A tall bleary-eyed recruit with shaggy hair in his

eyes near the end of the cabin, a kid with obviously no

sense, whispered to the boy next to him, Actually, I coulduse a few more hours, myself; then smiled like a big dope.

The drill sergeant heard the murmuring, spun around,

and double-timed it over to the shaggy-haired boys bunk.

Every boy, at this point, was standing at attention in

front of his own bunk.

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The half-pint boy drill sergeant got right in the

kids face and yelled as if he were angry that a kid this

dumb didnt deserve to be this tall.

WELL. WHO IS THIS TALL DRINK OF WATER WE HAVE HERE?

Shaggy was silent.

I SAID, WHATS YOUR NAME PUKEFACE?!

Joey Thomson.

SERGEANT FAYCEPUNTCHER! DIDNT YOU TEACH THESE PUKES

HOW TO ADDRESS ME?

Sergeant Faycepuntcher ran across the room and stood

at attention behind the tyrannical drill instructor.

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT.

The tiny dictator turned again to the shaggy-haired

boy.

LETS TRY THIS AGAIN PUKER. WHATS YOUR PUKEY NAME?

SERGEANT, RECRUIT THOMSON, SERGEANT!

THATS BETTER PUKEFACE. ITS MY PLEASURE TO MAKE

YOUR ACQUAINTANCE, RECRUIT WATERGLASS, screamed the drillsergeant, although Thomson and the others were skeptical of

this. RECRUIT WATERGLASS, AWFUL CHATTY THIS MORNING,

ARENT WE?

SERGEANT, NO SERGEANT!

GEE WHIZ, WATERGLASS, I LIKE YOU ALREADY. HECK, YOU

CAN COME OVER MY HOUSE AND PLAY DOLLIES WITH MY SISTER!

Hoo-kh, exhaled Recruit Thomson. The half-pint

drill instructor had socked him a mean one in his gut.

Thomson doubled over in agony and desperately gasped for

breath.

The drill sergeant turned around and addressed thegroup. I AM SERGEANT BONESNAPPER. I WILL BE YOUR SENIOR

DRILL INSTRUCTOR FOR THE NEXT FOUR WEEKS.

YOU WILL HATE ME BECAUSE I AM HARD; BUT I AM FAIR. I

DONT CARE HOW DUMB YOU ARE, OR HOW UGLY YOU ARE, OR HOW

POOR YOU ARE, OR HOW FAT YOUR MOMMA IS.

YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY UNWORTHY OF MY BELOVED ACADEMY,

UNTIL YOU PROVE TO ME OTHERWISE.

AND TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH I LIKE CHATTY RECRUITS, YOU

PUKERS CAN DROP AND GIVE ME TWO HUNDRED!

The boys were stunned.

ON YOUR FACE, PUKERS!The boys dropped in unison in front of their bunks in

the push-up position.

AND, EXERCISE!

The boys did push-ups for most of the morning.

Welcome to boot camp.

After the pushups, Bonesnapper marched them over to

the cafeteria. He told them to eat as much as they could

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in five minutes (that was all the time they had for

breakfast that morning) and laughed when the boys exited

the cafeteria fat and happy. From their dopey smiles, it

was obvious their brains were swimming in a stew of bacon

fat, ice cream and chocolate cake (no one, it seemed, chose

any of the healthy options). Except for a boy named

Kermit. He only ate a small hunk of cheese and a thin

slice of bread.

Bonesnapper then took them on a ten-mile run on a full

stomach. Five boys cried and six others puked just like

Sergeant Bonesnapper hoped. (Billy, luckily, did neither.

He held onto his meal and his tears, but just barely.)

Three of the pukers quit that morning. (Also like Sergeant

Bonesnapper had hoped.)

On and on it went like this all day. Billy wondered

how often Batman had to run ten miles on a full stomach.

(Probably not often.)

After lunch, they cleaned. The cabins, the inside ofthe buildings, the bathrooms, and the classrooms (even

though they hadnt had any classes yet). Billy wondered

how often Aquaman scrubbed toilets. (Probably not often.)

Billy began to think that maybe his mom was behind

this camp after all. She was always harping on him to

clean up his room. Could this be her cruel joke, when it

was all said and done? Could Sergeant Bonesnapper have

been a friend of hers?

That night, after the exercising was over, none of the

boys said a word to each other. They were too exhausted

from the hardest day they ever had. They went right tosleep.

The next day they went through the same drills:

pushups, sit-ups, breakfast, running, lunch, cleaning, more

exercises, another run, and then finally, dinner.

Five more boys quit that day. Billys cabin was

starting to look empty.

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CHAPTER SIX

FRIENDS

That night in their cabin, after Faycepuntcher and

Bonesnapper left, the boys broke the tension by makingconversation.

I guess you could say they were trying to make friends

with one another. Although, maybe under these harsh,

mentally taxing circumstances, calling them friends might

be a stretch. Certainly the boys Billy met were friendly

(except for one), but Billy hadnt yet become close to any

of them, or they to him, because Billy never knew who would

be quitting next. The boys he was temporarily calling his

friends were more like co-survivors, which in its own way

is a sort of friendship.

There was a general sweeping feeling of goodness Billygot when he saw or spoke to these new friends, a feeling

that he (and they) might actually make it out of this tough

camp and onto the Crimefighters and Superheroes Academy in

one piece. It was a feeling of hope, and a comfort to him,

for any tough job is made easier when you have good company

to help you with it.

But it wasnt until that third night when the recruits

start to get to know one another.

On one side of Billys bunk was Joe Chin, from China.

On Billys other side was Kermit. Kermit was from France.

He didnt talk much other than to mumble under his breath.He barely gave the boys his name.

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Next to Kermit was Ug. His full name was Ugre

Gruelislav (pronounced Oogree Groolislahv). Sergeant

Bonesnapper disparagingly referred to him as Recruit Ugly.

The boys mercifully shortened it to Ug because they were

afraid to call him Ugly. (Even though Ug was friendly, he

looked at you as if he were trying to figure out which

limbs he wanted to rip off you and beat you with.) Plus,

Ug started every sentence with, Ug, or at least thats

how it translated. Even the universal translators couldnt

find the right way to express how Ug spoke, so it

translated as simply Ug. The boys called him Ug, and

he seemed to like it, as if it translated back to him as a

compliment, or a show of respect. (Who really knew? Only

Ug would know for sure.)

Ug was from a country in Eastern Europe called

Bludletvia. Ug was short and stocky like a bull, or a wild

boar. He wasnt fat by anyones measure, to be sure, but

his elbows didnt touch his sides; they hung out beside himlike he was always getting ready to charge at you (which,

he was); and he had no neck that the boys could easily

identify; his massive shoulders simply surrounded the back

of his head. It was almost laughable how pale Ug was, as

if he walked around and simply DEFIED the sun to tan him

(which he did). Ug wasnt TOO short by anyones standards,

but even Ug was thankful that another boy took the top bunk

and let Ug have the bottom one. Climbing and jumping did

not look like two of Ugs specialties. Ug looked like his

specialties were smashing things, running through walls,

bending iron bars with his teeth, and generally putting ahurting on all comers. Oh, and eating.

Across from Billy was a boy they called Bob. Bob was

a tall bony reed of a boy from Africa. His full name was

Baabaa Umbutu Ninimi Bubu Tukini, which Sergeant

Bonesnapper graciously shortened to Bob.

Bob, for some reason, had a natural dislike of Ug, and

Ug for Bob, and yet no one could reasonably figure out why.

Their countries werent rivals, so far as anyone knew, and

they were both good boys. They were just as opposite as

two people can be, and they seemed to resent each other for

that fact alone.Often, they barely kept their emotions in check, as if

at any time one would spring upon the other. They didnt

because they managed a tiny bit of respect for one another,

of what each boy was trying to accomplish here. Both boys

seemed to find something in common with Billy and neither

boy wanted to be thrown out of the program for something as

silly as fighting with another recruit. (Plus, secretly,

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each boy thought the other would be dropping out any day

now). And so they palled around in Billys circle of

friends, even though they eyed each other suspiciously at

all times.

Alberto Bondiga, their other friend, bunked next to

Bob. Alberto was from Mexico, and everybody called him Al.

Al was the most easy-going one of the bunch. Like Chin, he

never spoke much. Al went about his business like a young

professional accepting the hard work as part of his daily

checklist of things to do.

During that first night of conversation, Kermit wanted

to tell Al it was okay to talk in Spanish, because their

earpieces would translate for them, but Al never had much

to say, and Kermit didnt care if Al spoke anyway. Kermit

was happy to observe as Al did, and puff on his brown candy

cigarettes. (These were tiny tubes of bubble gum that,

when you puffed on them, they puffed out a thin cloud of

white flour that looked like real smoke but wasnt.)Al and Joey hung out with the boys in complete

silence. Every minute or so Kermit would grumble some new

complaint under his breath, and puff angrily on his candy

cigarette.

Then there was Bort Flotch. He too was pale but not

as pale as Ug. He too had size but not as thick as Ug in

the shoulders and chest. Bort was tall, but not as tall as

Bob. Bort looked like he could have passed for Billys

brother, or maybe his long-lost cousin.

Bort was from West Mifflin, Pennsylvania, or so he

said. (His funny-sounding accent made people suspicious hewas American at all. The boys asked him if his parents had

immigrated, but he said no. They too had lived their whole

lives in West Mifflin.) Yet Bort didnt once speak about

the Pittsburgh Steelers, or how lousy the Pirates would be

this year, which made Billy dubious. Billy had cousins

from West Mifflin, and thats all they ever talked about.

In fact, the one time in his life he visited West Mifflin,

thats all anyone in the town talked about: people at the

mall, at the gas station, on the TV, even the pastor at

church brought it up in his sermon! So either Bort was

lying, or he was from West Mifflin but wasnt a Steelersfan, which would make him even more suspect, possibly even

a Communist.

Bort tried to avoid talking to the other boys, but not

like Kermit, and not like Al and Chin. Bort didnt talk to

them because he felt they were the enemy. He was the only

boy from whom you got the impression he HOPED you would

fail, and couldnt wait until you were dismissed from the

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program, as if there were only one spot open, and hed be

doing anything to keep you from getting it, even cheating,

which would get him expelled too, but you got the

impression he didnt care about that either.

Bob and Ug began to spar verbally. Ug disliked Bobs

height and slim build and Bob disliked Ugs squat

barrelchestedness and pasty white skin. They were thrown

together for the first timeeach boy was new to the other

and they werent sure how to make the best of it.

Finally, Bob and Ug argued about which country was

more dangerous. (Both of their countries had man-eating

tigers, wild elephants, giant poisonous snakes, and so on.)

Bob said, Oh yeah? Well, in my country, we first

outrun the tiger, then lay in wait for it as we spring a

surprise on it.

Ug, Ug began, that is cowardly. In my country, we

would stand face to face with the tiger and provoke it to

attack us, and when it did, we would first dislocate itsshoulder, then stand on its hindquarter until we heard the

snap of its back leg breaking.

Its no wonder, snapped Bob, that so many tigers we

capture smell like people of your country.

At that moment, Joey tapped Billy on the shoulder and

motioned for Billy to take out his earpiece and listen to

the two boys argue without translation.

Ug, OH YEAH? began Ug, but Billy didnt hear the end

of it.

Billy heard Ug say: Borgle clack splorg. Bulpclack.

Sploog. Splack. Porkspignot. Hockblauchkum.Crandlscpakborg. Tonkinflaksmiggleshk.

Bob replied, Mumu nana mama tutu tee wanana ma nana

bibi bi smoot!

By this time all the other boys had removed their

earpieces and were laughing so loudly now that it drown out

the noise of Bob and Ugs argument. Bob and Ug stopped

arguing and asked around about what was so funny. When

they were told, neither boy cracked a smile, which made

even Kermit laugh, which was rare. Even Al smiled, which

was even MORE rare. All in all, it became a bonding

experience for the boys, one of their first, and the firstreal sign that all the boyseven Bob and Ugwere going to

be friends.

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Except for Bort. Bort didnt take out his earpiece,

or laugh, or join in the festivities. In fact, he wasnt

even thereand no one knew where he was (or even noticed he

was missing). He walked in when the laughter died down and

said, What are you idiots laughing at?

Kermit bristled at that question. Kermits response

to Bort was to mumble something under his breath and puff

on his brown candy cigarette.

The boys rap session ended abruptly when Bonesnapper,

awakened by their laughter, threw open the door to the

cabin, and in short order, had everyone in exercise clothes

and on the ground for two hundred push-ups. Then,

Bonesnapper led the boys of J-1260 on a ten-mile run before

they finally went to bed.

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CHAPTER SEVEN

CODE OF HONOR

The next morning, after the lightest of breakfasts

(the boys had learned that lesson quickly), then three

hundred pushups, six hundred sit-ups and six hundred

mountain climbers (mountain climbers are exercises where

you get in a push-up position and run in place while yourpalms remain touching the ground at all times), Billy and

the boys of J-1260 had their first class.

Sergeant Faycepuntcher was the teacher. He handed out

booklets to the boys that had a plastic cover labeled The

Lucky 13.

Faycepuntcher explained to the boys that the Lucky 13

were the thirteen precepts on which the Crimefighters and

Superheroes Academy was basedit was the CASA Code of

Honor. Any violation of the code meant immediate expulsion

as well as six weeks of shame.

The recruits were charged with being as familiar withthe 13 as they were with their own names. Understanding,

and putting into practice, the Lucky 13, Faycepuntcher

explained, was probably the most important thing they could

learn at camp, at the academy, and, possibly ever.

Faycepuntcher recited the first precept for everyone

to hear. He read:

The Crimefighters and Superheroes Academy Code of

Honor:

I will not lie, cheat, or steal, or tolerate those

who do.

Then he read the other twelve precepts too.

Sergeant Faycepuntcher also had the boys recite the

CASA Pledge to the World. In unison, the boys said:

I pledge to the world that I will lead by example,

and my example will be the best it can be.

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People are chosen at ALL ages, bowas, Faycepuntcher

said. Even children need savin from children their own

AGE sometime.

Bowas, you know this as well as I do, there are

incidents you face ever day that grownups have no place in

some things need to be resolved child to child, and ARE

ever day, without grownups ever knowin. Thats where you

come in now, bowas.

You have been chosen to try out for my beloved

Academy based on how well you lived according to the Code

of Honorbefore you ever knew what that code was. Hear

this now, for I may not say it again for a while:

congratulations to you boys for doin so. Now that you

know the rules, this is how you will live, or you will

leave.

Just then Sergeant Bonesnapper entered the classroom.

Everyone, including Faycepuntcher, jumped to attention.

Bonesnapper, for the first time since they met him, wasntthere to make them exercise. He was there as an

instructor.

Sergeant Bonesnapper explained to the boys that they

were being scored for an Academy appointment, 2000 points

minimum were needed to get into the Academy.

Heres how it broke down:

1000 Points for completing all physical training in a

timely fashion. (Timely fashion was a phrase to be

determined at the discretion of Bonesnapper and

Faycepuntcher.)

100 points for mastery of the Jet Fighter Seminar;100 points for mastery of the CHASE Supercar Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the Gravity Room Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the SHIELD Technology

Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the Helicopter Rescue

Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the Land Animal Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the Sea Animal Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the Mind Control Seminar;

100 points for mastery of the Martial Arts Seminar;

And finally,300 points for the gauntlet, a final test that would

be a combination of all the events previously mentioned.

Recruits would team up in squads of eight to complete the

gauntlet, a team event as well as an individual one.

Bonesnapper also made it clear that points could be

taken away from the recruits at any time for any reason by

the drill instructors.

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Bonesnapper, much like Faycepuntcher, desiring to show

his affection and close bond with the recruits, only made

them do two hundred seventy-five pushups and six hundred

fifty sit-ups before they ran five miles to their next

class.

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CHAPTER EIGHT

BREAKTHROUGH

Sergeant Faycepuntcher led the boys on a run that

ended in front of one of the buildings of the main

compound, the place where Billy spent time wandering around

that first night.

Your second class, bowas, said Faycepuntcher.

Billy and his running mates were led into the

building. The inside looked like a big gymnasium, not

bigger than the giant hall, but certainly bigger than

Billys school gym. There were bleachers stacked twice the

height of a man on two opposite walls.

The boys stood at attention in a straight line.Faycepuntcher explained to the boys that from now on,

they would be given instruction in each type of superhero

activity that Bonesnapper had laid out for them during

their first class in addition to their physical training.

But the instruction would be given, on the fly, meaning

that they would be getting experience by doing it

themselves.

They might, at any time, have their training

interrupted to fight actual crime and so it was more

important to be introduced to every activity rather than

practice only one or two of them, as their services werecritical to the world, as the current superheroes were busy

as could be fighting their own crime.

Just look at any of the superhero newspaperswhat

adults call comic books, and youll see what I mean,

said Faycepuntcher.

Faycepuntcher then pulled Billy aside.

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Put this on, No-bull, he said, handing Billy a black

elastic jersey and black running shorts, and black

wristbands, the cotton kind that tennis players use to

catch sweat.

Should I change in the locker room? asked Billy.

Faycepuntcher bore down on him. No-bull, dont go

tryin my patience, bowa. Pull them over your clothes.

Billy did.

Faycepuntcher walked over to the bleachers and picked

up an RPG (rocket-propelled grenade), then said to Billy,

Now Run, as Faycepuntcher aimed the powerful weapon at

Billys chest.

Billys eyes almost pop out of his head. Can

Faycepuntcher mean what Billy thinks he means? His arms

level off the weapon. He most certainly means something.

Billy takes off toward the opposite exit, across a gym

floor made of wrestling mats, slowing Billys escape.

Billy zigs and zags, and turns around, determined not toget shot in the back. Theres no way hed make it across

the gym floor in time. Maybe this is another test, Billy

thinks. Maybe Billy has to face his fears head on.

Billy looks right into Faycepuntchers eyes as he

fires the weapon at Billy.

Billy sees the muzzle flash. He hears the report. It

cracks through the gym so loudly that it could have

shattered the glass windows if they werent reinforced.

The next events unfold in slow motion. Billy sees the

boys in line all wince and put their hands to their ears,

to try and muffle the sound. In addition to the loud echo,Billy also hears a quick high-speed whizzing, like a jet

fighter streaking across the sky overhead. (It is the

sound of the grenade rocketing through the air toward him.)

Billy sees the grenade coming at him, as it gets

closer. He can make out its spins and its shape. It slows

down so much it looks like its hovering in front of him in

mid-air.

Suddenly, right before it hits Billy in the chest, the

grenade is flung backward, like a yo-yo, and it sticks to

one of Billys wristbands, where it comes to rest.

Faycepuntcher fires again. Billy hears the samedeafening sounds. He watches the grenade slow down as it

reaches his chest and is attracted like a magnet, backward

to his other wristband.

Finally, the shooting was over.

Faycepuntcher turned to the boys and said, See here.

What No-bull is wearin is called SHIELD.

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Faycepuntcher went on to explain that SHIELD was a

type of protective clothing for superheroes that throws up

an instant force field to oppose the force field created by

high-speed objects. It wasnt slowing down the grenades

but repelling them. That was why the magnets in the

wristbands were able to attract them, because theyve been

slowed enough to be attracted to the magnetism in the

wristbands.

SHEILD clothes were technology based on subject called

quantum physics, which would take too long to explain it

all here in detail, even if I could, which I cannot. The

concepts at work are counter-intuitive (which means the

opposite of what comes natural) to everything youve ever

known.

For example, if you press your finger into a pool of

water, the water gives way and lets your whole hand

through. But when you slap the water, the water resists a

little more, and makes it harder for your hand to getthrough. When you reallyslap the water, your hand only

makes it about two inches into the pool. And when

something REALLY REALLY hits the water hard, like an

airplane, the surface of the water REALLY REALLY pushes

back, acting like a brick wall, and the airplane will break

apart. The water doesnt know the plane is going to smash

into it until the very second the plane does. Its like

the water (and the SHEILD clothes) find a way to use those

forces against themselves, in the most basic of SHEILD

technology explanations.

Faycepuntcher also explained that, while SHIELD repelsplastic bullets, the magnetic wristbands will not attract

them. Therefore, make sure to get out of the way, because

the SHIELD clothes would be flinging plastic bullets in all

directions, and at that point, it would be every man (or

woman) for himself. That was one of the current drawbacks

of SHIELD.

Areas that remained uncovered, like the head and feet,

were vulnerable. (For purposes of demonstration, the

SHIELD uniform was shirts and shorts, but when it came to

their actual crime fighting uniformthe one theyd receive

at the Academy, the SHIELD garment would be a long-sleeveelastic shirt and leggings worn under the outer costume, to

cover everything but the face and hands and feet.)

Faycepuntcher made one very important announcement.

Bowas, he said, Now, I dont want you tryin this out on

each other. YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT! everyone answered.

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Because, Faycepuntcher continued (and this is even

more important to you reading or having this story read to

you), This technology ONLY WORKS WITH REAL SHIELD CLOTHES,

MADE AT THE ACADEMY. YOU CANNOT GET THESE CLOTHES ANYWHERE

ELSE BUT THE SUPER-SECRET ACADEMY, and you will not get to

wear these clothes until you graduate from my beloved

academy. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT! everyone yelled.

If I hear any of you are takin shots at each other,

understand that the clothes WILL NOT WORK UNLESS ACTIVATED

BY ME! So, you will be wounded, or dead, FOR REAL!

If you survive, you will be BANISHED FOR LIFE from

this program and you will never get to be a superhero, or

fight crime in any way. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

SERGEANT, YES SERGEANT, everyone agreed.

GOOD.

Recruit Thomson was so impressed with the

demonstration (although he still hadnt learned any sense)that he blurted out, Ooh, me next!

Sergeant Faycepuntcher was talking to Billy, telling

him to take off the SHIELD demonstration clothes, when he

spun around to Thomson and said, Sure, Waterglass, youre

nextright after the company gives me TWENTY PUSHUPS for

you mouthing off!

The company groaned, but, thankfully, not loud enough

for Faycepuntcher to hear. Faycepuntcher had turned back

to Billy whose knees, from the scare, had turned to Jell-O

and who was struggling just to remain standing.

One boy leaned over to Recruit Thomson and whisperedin a harsh tone, Nice job, Waterglass.

MY NAMES THOMSON! yelled Recruit Waterglass.

Faycepuntcher spun again. Okay, FIFTY PUSHUPS! he

said.

Billy tried to step out of the uniform but couldnt

balance on one leg and fell flat on his back in front of

everyone. The boys burst out laughing.

Faycepuntcher replied, Okay, Lets make it an even

HUNDRED!

The boys dropped to their faces in a row and started

pushing the ground. Billy did not.Faycepuntcher helped him off with the practice SHIELD

clothes and could see that Billy was in no condition to do

pushups. Billy was white as a ghost and his eyes were

bulging out of his head.

Faycepuntcher said, Why dont you go ahead and run

laps around the gym until theyre done, loosen up your legs

a little.

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Billy fell on his first few steps, but he got back up

and started jogging immediately. Faycepuntcher saw it and

laughed to himself.

Billy jogged, glad no one was shooting at him, SHIELD

or no SHIELD. But yes, the jogging did loosen up his legs

and let the Jell-O in his knees harden again; and it helped

him to relax, helped him to ease the shock that SOMEONE HAD

JUST FIRED GRENADES AT HIS CHEST AND HE LIVED TO TELL ABOUT

IT! THAT HE HADNT EVEN GOTTEN A SCRATCH! THAT SOMEONE

HAD THE GALL TO CALL THIS PRACTICE!

Practice they did. Faycepuntcher gave everyone a turn

in the jersey and shorts, firing two grenades at each boy

except for Ug.

Faycepuntcher lined up Ug in front of a Civil-War-era

cannon, to show how versatile SHIELD was, and fired a

cannonball the size of a cantaloupe at Ugs gut.

Ug was wearing SHIELD goggles, and stood his ground

with his arms back in their set position. Ug looked likea rock formation with a face. He repelled the cannonball

like the bare-chested fat bald man in that famous video,

and smiled when the cannonball dropped at his feet (too

heavy to be held by the wrist magnets). He was thinking:

Ug versus cannonball, Ug wins.

Faycepuntcher had everyone running laps until each boy

had tested the SHIELD clothes. And when everyone was done,

Faycepuntcher lined up the boys at attention and awarded

them their first award, a canvas patch in the shape of a

shield that said, simply, SHIELD, and stayed around their

arm by an elastic band sewn to it, worn over the shirt.(Faycepuntcher told them to wear it over their uniforms at

all times from now on.)

Faycepuntcher congratulated the recruits on their

accomplishmentand by that I mean he made the platoon only

do one hundred bodybuilders (bodybuilders are exercises

where you crouch down, jump back like youre going to do a

pushup, jump your legs back underneath you in a crouch,

then stand up again). That was Faycepuntchers way of

congratulating you on something: more exercise. Then they

jogged over to the mess hall (cafeteria, to us) for lunch.

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CHAPTER NINE

BORTS LETTER

Then came lunch.

Billys platoon had the wobbly-knees. No matter howeasy it looked, practicing SHIELD took a lot out of you.

They jogged to the mess hall, which made them feel a little

better, yet most of the boys were still very pale.

Billy and his platoon didnt need any encouraging

following their first rule of lunch (EAT LIGHT). None of

them were hungry in the least and each of them just picked

at their food, including Ug. (Remember, now, for Ug,

picking at his food meant that he only had two helpings

of everything.)

Except for Bort. Bort ate ravenously, like he might

never see food again and even ate off the plates of some ofthe other campers (without their permission, of course).

Watching Bort Flotch eat with such gusto

billy noble and superhero training camp

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